END OF YEAR SPEECH:

[Shannon] Hello, I'm Shannon and this is Jared.

[Jared] It's true, I am Jared.

[Shannon] And to start off, we're sorry, but we don't have Frisbees! For those of you who weren't here last year, the school captains before us used Frisbees in their end of year speech and it was pretty radical! So when we started writing this speech, we tried to think how we could beat Frisbees and go out with a bang! Naturally, Jared suggested “...Bigger Frisbees!”

[Jared] Which was better than anything Shannon came up with, for instance writing a musical number, which clearly wouldn't have worked out seeing as my health of late has really affected my voice and Shannon can NOT sing! So we didn't go with either of those ideas but it led us to talk more about the Frisbees and what was so good about them; we thought that the Frisbees were cool and we remember liking the speech at the time, but we couldn't remember why. The best we could think of was the fact that maybe using Frisbees was a metaphor for high school. Something along the lines of; "High school is like a Frisbee...... Catch It?"

[Shannon] So we thought, maybe that was it, maybe all we needed was one strong metaphor to sum up high school. We came up with about 20. And so, we'd first like to apologise to the younger year levels if you don't quite understand all the jokes and references, we tried as hard as we could to make it relevant.

[Jared] But just remember, on the bright side, you'll probably understand more than the year 10's.

[Shannon] So without further ado... Our metaphor speech!

Year 7

[Jared] “High school is like a year 7 relationship; It won't last for nearly as long as you think it will.” Before anyone starts complaining that this isn't accurate because there's a couple in your year level that is still together, has been since year 7 and is 'totes in luv, na mean?', I know, we had a relationship that lasted for ages as well. Out of respect for the pair I won't say their names but I will say that at the time 'They were in a Harry, to get Mary-d'. It's a generalised comment. It's like saying "All year 10's are daft". Obviously there are 2-3 three exceptions. Also, if any year 10's have been offended thus far.... best strap yourself in for the rest of the speech. No, but really, it is all in good humour and we don't really hate year 10's all the time. Just last year we hated the year 9's.... dare I say, next year it will probably be the year 11's. Still a joke though! we love you all!

[Shannon] Anyway, high school is like a year 7 relationship in that it's over before you even realise. It doesn't really seem that long ago that we rocked up on our first day as year 7's wearing uniform's that were large enough to serve a second purpose as a tent, blazers 2 sizes too big because our parent's promised us 'we would grow into them', and we all did, except for Ryan O'keefe, and the rumour circulating that we would be receiving icy poles every day for the first two weeks at least! (the bitter

realisation that this was a lie was as cold as the icy-poles we did not taste) That was a lie! Regardless, the first day was incredibly exciting for everyone; however, no-one could have been more excited than Mrs Pisotek. Who would've thought that by the time we got to year 12 we'd dread the first day back at school? Things picked up pretty quickly after that and after we recovered from the shock that the much anticipated camp had been cancelled. As if things weren't traumatising enough, someone decided to introduce the alphabet into maths. But it wasn't all that bad, because if we behaved well, we were allowed to go to Power 2.24, and play Mathletics, for a whole period. But Mathletics was no joke, there was absolutely no mercy and friendships were broken.

[Jared] That's right, year 7 was very competitive. Some of us were obviously more successful than others. On a personal note, I had a competition with a girl in my homeroom in which we would take all the marks we received across all subjects and score a point for who had the higher marks per assignment. I won't say her name but I will say that it started with an 'R' and it ended with an '-achel Ward'. The score was tied with one assignment from the cut-off date. But upon receiving that sweet, sweet 100% on my year 7 maths car parking challenge, I was crowned the victor! Fair to say Rachel still hasn't forgotten about that. Mrs Cassidy was my maths teacher in year 7 and she said that in all her years of teaching, which at the time would have only been about 140, which is odd considering she’s only 37, my assignment was the most perfect piece of work she has ever received. Sooooooo basically, Bec Thaller can take her 11 academics and suck it. For that to make sense, you all need to replace the name 'Bec Thaller' with the name of someone really smart in your year level. Year 10's don't bother! That situation only feels like yesterday. And now, like a year 7 relationship. It's all over.

Year 8

[Shannon] Year 8 was like being stuck in a long conversation with someone you really dislike. Many of the girls were so desperate to get out of class that they voluntarily spent excessive amounts of time in the girls’ toilets, the decor of which was exquisitely enhanced by the divine colour palette of Hot Pink and Green.

[Jared] During such time the boys were trying to figure out why the girls always went to the toilets in Packs! The most popular theory being that they were discussing which of us was the hottest! Lord knows that's what we were doing when you were in there!

[Shannon] When we weren't doing that, we were updating our Facebook statuses, catching up on the latest gossip and fixing our make-up, I mean hair! Because if there's one thing a year 8 girl doesn't do, it's wear make-up! Everyone has made some excuse to leave the class at one moment or another, but the most elaborate would have taken place in year 8. In 8 Bronze, any student who was absent for up to 3 days we convinced our teacher had skipped class to go see the movie; Robin Hood, even after it had stopped showing. But our fun was cut short when the teacher brought out a puppet that looked a lot like Pinocchio, but did not sound like it. (I don't get it)

[Jared] My favourite was the simplest of escapes, but with military-like precision. The room was 8 Gold, our leader as usual was General Leech-Hines. It was a period 5 Italian class, when a certain italian teacher had us going "AA", "EE", "OO". As she turned to write on the board, one by one, we walked out the door! I think she knew something was up when the rest of the class appeared to be concentrating. But it wasn't until all but 4 had left the room that our escape was put to an end.

Then sometimes “high school is like making soup; if you think it's hard then you're doing it wrong.” This

goes to the McAuley Campus, what you are going through academically, is not as difficult as it seems. You should not stress about it! Have a good time before year 12 actually starts. The best possible example of unnecessary stressing goes to Bec Owens in year 8! Before, during and after her YEAR 8 P.E test, Bec was overcome with paranoia. "OMG, what if I stuff up? What if I only get a B?" And I was like "BEC! C.T.F.O!! It's one year 8 P.E. test! And she was like "You don't understand Jared, this is the industry I want to get into - this will determine my career!" I said "(Gasp) Bec! When I was in grade 3 I forgot my line in the school play, does this mean I can't be an actor!?!?!" The moral of the story is to not panic, your year 9 results are not going to affect your career. And remember if you're referring to you written assesment as an exam, just don't do so in the presence of a year 12. They may just crack!

Year 9

[Shannon] Sometimes “high school can be like a perfect sphere; completely pointless.” This brings us to year 9. Apart from the obvious; being the top of McAuley Campus, finally having a camp after our year 8 and year 7 camps were cancelled and having our first ever ‘cocktail/mocktail’ themed social, the most riveting thing to happen in year 9 was the release of Call of Duty: Black ops and the sudden infatuation with reported 'slender man' sightings. Many periods were spent watching short documentaries on YouTube, all of which had Owen Rees very convinced! Then, of course, sometimes “high school is like that massive fungal infection on Jared's left foot; it's just too much information.” I say this because the only other significant thing that happened in year 9 was in RE. 256 innocent minds (relatively innocent minds), scarred for life by the image that will forever be ingrained in our memory; the video of a woman giving birth and then, following the suggestion of almost all of the year 9 RE teachers; watching it in rewind.

[Jared] That was a joke by the way, I don't really have a large fungal infection on my left foot.... It's on the right foot! But the too much information trend continued into year 10. Many of us were brave enough to attempt Math Methods for the first time and realised that there was more to Maths than Pythagoras' Theorem. And we did not like it. Suddenly we were meant to find answers from nothing. The teacher would say "Now students, if a man is carrying 4 oranges in one hand and three apples in his other hand and train with 8 carriages passes him travelling at a speed 70 km/h, what time is it?" And you're like "WHAT!?!?!" And it only gets harder.

Year 10

[Shannon] Sometimes High school is like the forth Indiana Jones movie, hugely disappointing (instead of the 'crap'). The biggest example of this being our disappointment when finding out that one particular homeroom teacher who'd followed us from year 8 to year 9 and just couldn't seem to get away from us, was going to be our year 10 Co-ordinator. However, after our end of year exam results were revealed to us and we realised that they were not as smart as we thought we were, Mr Haining decided it would be best to cut the ties with our year level. Despite going from being top dogs in year 9 to becoming the babies of the campus, our social being cancelled and being disqualified from the Mercy Day Parade and robbed of our rightful title as champion, year 10 still had its perks. Morning, Recess, Lunch and after school at the outdoor lockers behind 10 silver's homeroom... No matter how bad the day had been, it was always made better by Kane Hourn offering out "Annnything from the trolley?" so long as it was cauldron cakes and pumpkin pasties, and Callum Tucker, just being Callum Tucker.

[Shannon] But then it all turns sour when someone dropped, spilt, threw of broke something, because

High school is like a party popper, it's a bit exciting but it leaves a mess. Thankfully, we have a fantastic group of cleaners who stay after school every day, not once a week like other schools, every day, to keep the school looking immaculate. They work tirelessly cleaning up after our mess, putting their lives in mortal danger in order to clean the year 12 common room, inhaling the toxic fumes, a mixture of curry, Bolognese, Nutella, two minutes noodles and a LOT of cheese which is enough to make anyone want to quit their job. These guys deserve a major pay rise and your appreciation so please give them a round of applause.

[Jared] While we're on great people that go unnoticed; the Maintenance guys. A “High school is like a marathon, it's hard to keep running.” And day after day, the maintenance team does keep this school running. Aside from all that, they deal with the worst jobs in the school, like setting up everything. If it wasn't for them setting up the chairs, you all would not be here right now, which you would probably prefer but frankly it would make me feel a bit weird. Because there's nothing Shannon and I hate more than delivering a speech in front of an empty Doyle Centre.

[Shannon] We'd like to include in this tribute a thankyou to yet another section of the school that doesn't get enough notice. The reception ladies. Also in keeping with the theme of “keeping the school running”, these ladies do an amazing job! A couple of weeks ago our Reception intern Steph was calling for someone over the P.A. and she said "Sorry for the interruption teachers and students, could, and I forget who's name it was, please make her way to Reception at... Now. Thankyou". Steph would probably be embarrassed by the fact that we've mentioned this in our speech but it serves as a reminder that the voice that comes through the P.A. is a real person, along with all the other people who work tirelessly for the betterment of our school. So Jared and I would like to thank all of them.

[Jared] To further elaborate to that point, I'd just like to say that Bernie Snell, the reception lady that you've probably had the most contact with, is probably the most beautiful and happy human being on the face of the planet earth. And she works in OUR RECEPTION!!! You should be thankful for that!

Year 11

[Jared] Nevertheless, we must push on. Just before when we spoke of the mess of the year 12 area and the year 10 area, I saw a small tear appear in the eye of every year 11 as they thought "ohhh, we used to dream of having an area!!!" I think the person that designed the school miscounted the year levels. They went up to the person in charge and said "Right, the whole school's built, we can put a year level here, two year levels here, a year level here and another year level here!" and the person in charge said "yeah... and?" "And what?" "And! You've missed one year level" "Don't be ridiculous, there's sevens, eights and nines, tens, ele-.... Oh No! I haven’t made room for the year 12's" Well they're in year 12, they are the most important! Give them the corridor and an under-croft!" "What about the 11's”, “… hmm… I've got it! We'll put them in the art rooms!", "But that's only three homerooms, what about the others?" "That's alright! We'll put one in the library, chuck a few in the computer rooms and one in the drama room!", "One in the Drama Room?!?!?!?", "ONE IN THE DRAMA ROOM!!!", "OOOOOOO, they won't be happy about this!" , "Yeah, I know, tell you what, we'll give them a deb!”

[Shannon]

· (Talk about Deb)

… While on the topics of year 11's, “Sometimes, high school is like the canteen line; as soon as you leave

someone is ready to take you're place.” (Talk about Kye and Maddi)

[Jared] A week ago, when Mr. Morison was speaking at the prefect investiture, he asked if an academic award was a sign purely of academic success of if it was also a sign to say that help is available to other students. And I thought, 'well, to be honest I wouldn't have a clue. It's been a while. I'll Ask Alex Schafer next time I see her". For those of you who don't understand, Alex is a genius. The sort of girl who could get 104.2 as an ATAR score and still be a little bit disappointed! (In fact, pretty much all year 12's do 5 subjects.) Aside from being a genius, Alex is a close family friend of mine. So after the last academic awards ceremony, Mum said to me "So how'd you go? How'd Alex go? How'd everyone go?" And I said "well, between Alex and I, we got an average of 2.5 academic awards!" And mum said "So you got 0 an Alex got all 5?" Thanks for the confidence mum! Just because she was right, didn't mean that I appreciated the assumption.

But anyway, back to Mr Morison. So then Mr Morison said "Similarly, is a College Captain badge a sign of popularity?" And I thought "You betcha it is! 'Popular' WITH THE LADIES!" (act like a wanker!) But then Mr Morison said "Or.... is the College Captain badge a sign of leadership and friendliness, a sign of approachability?" To be perfectly honest I can't remember exactly what he said, I was too busy wondering what they did with all the left over feet water. But I got the basic gist. Then I thought what if College Captain isn't about asserting your superiority upon your subjects and in fact about being a nice person? I mean, it was news to me! So if this is true than it's a bit late for me. However, if the quality of a College Captain does indeed have something to do with the quality of the person, then you guys are in for some pretty spectacular College Captains next year! And with them, comes a pretty spectacular group of prefects. And with them comes the fantastic year 12 group of 2015, and if not fantastic, then at least better than the year 12 group of 2016! Seriously though, year 11's have a great year next year, but until then... Shut your faces, we're still talking!!

Year 12

[Shannon] Which brings us to the best year 12 year level of all time! The graduating class of 2014! High school is like a facelift, you're a completely different person at the end. Which is in itself unfortunate because year 12 has really taken it's toll and a lot of the year level, Jared and Myself included are starting to look like we all need a facelift. However, beneath the Christian Stewart-like emotionless peril, permanantly etched in those tired, afformentioined faces, lies some of the most wonderful people i have ever you will ever meet! It has been my absolute privaledge to be a part of such an amazing group. People like Tina Maka, who just make life better! Jared and i think that if the 'Maka' virus could be isolated and harnessed, it could be used to ensure world peace! She is THAT amazing.

[Jared] That's right, just through being in this year level i have gotten to know the likes of Jackson Farley, Pat Hodgett and Troy Broussard. These three men, are not in any way similar to me, i don't hang out with them on a regular basis and i probably wouldn't have gotten to know them at all if not through high school. However, just through high school and of course one ledgendary trip to central australia, these three funny, smart and incredibly good-looking blokes have made High school so incredible. But it doesn't matter if you've never heard of Troy or Jackson before or if you only know them as those two guys with really hot sisters. It doesn't matter bcause they will be a multitude of people in your year level that can unexpectedly add so much to your high school experience as this whole year level has to me.

[Shannon] As we talk about all the amazing people that we have shared this experience with, we

mustn't forget the people who dragged us through the experience. Becasue High school is like the safety demonstration of a flight. It's only when you crash that you realised that you should have paid attention. (Something about how great teachers are). But when we do crash, we always have co-ordinators to help us get back on our feet. This year we were lucky enough to have two tremendous co-ordinators to help us through year 12. Firstly, a truely amazing woman. Some know her as (Barr puns)

[Jared] We are of course referring to Mr Russel!

[Shannon] No Jared, this bit's about Mrs Barr, Mr Russel comes next! Anyway Mrs Barr (insert nice things)

[Jared] But then Mrs Barr went away for a bit and left us with Mr. Russel. What to say about Mr Russel..... I mean..... He's 'Aight! My original plan for this point of the speech was to have made a litle Mr Russel action figure! A little RussDoll! But i have no time or money so that clearly didn't happen. But it was gonna be a bit like Woody from Toy Story except everytime you pull the string, it goes "Do you know what i mean?". Mr Russel went above and beyond in Mrs Barr's absense to help us out in whatever way he could, and he maintained that way afrter Mrs Barr's return. So to Mr Russel we say "Russ, you are one creepy dude, but we say that with love. Thank's for everything you've done for us this year.

Before we finish up, we'd like to cover one thing. We really don't hate you, year 10's, we love you, we just picked on you because niether of us can comprehend why none of you girls are dating Peter Verhagen! He's effectively the perfect man. He can sing, he can play piano. He is a genius! You could be stressing becasue you need to hand in an essay the next day and you're printer has totally broken then Peter wont just fix your printer, he'll build you a better one out of nothing but a briefcase and a fork!

High school can be like so many different things. It really depends on who you ask. For example, if you ask a year 12 what high school is like around this late exam stage their answer might be a tad pessemistic. "YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS LIKE? HIGH SCHOOL IS LIKE A DARK EMPTY ROOM FILLED WITH YOUR PEERS BUT YOU CAN'T TALK TO THEM BECAUSE ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS THE SCREAMING OF YEAR 12 WHO HAVE FALLEN BEFORE AND IN THIS ROOM ALL THE FLOORS ARE CONVEYOR-BELTS THAT ALL LEAD TOWARDS AN INFINITE PIT OF SOUL-SUCKING DESPAIR, ABOVE WHICH LIES THE GHOST OF THE VCAA, SO THE LAST THING YOU HEAR BEFORE YOU FALL INNEVITABLY DOWN INTO THE VACANT ABYSE IS AN UNCOMFORTABLY FAMILIAR VOICE SCREAMING 'NO MOBILE PHONES'!!!"..... something like that.

[Shannon] Jared's had a rough week

(And the answer to your question is; yes, we did call the similes 'metaphors' just to annoy Mr Haining!)