encore bride magazine articles by susan polyot: wedding advice, etiquette, and ideas for re-wedding...

Download Encore Bride Magazine Articles by Susan Polyot: Wedding advice, etiquette, and ideas for re-wedding brides

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Here are some articles from ENCORE BRIDE MAGAZINE written by Susan Polyot, editor and publisher, offering information and advice for re-wedding brides. Check out more online at encorebridemagazine.com. And let us know your own thoughts and opinions about these articles. We're really interested in what you think! Contact us through SCRIBD or through our website email address: admin@encorebridemagazine.com


Here are some articles written by Susan Polyot from previous issues of Encore Bride Magazine, an online magazine of thoughts, reflections, suggestions and opinions for re-wedding brides. A current edition of this online magazine can be found at

encorebridemagazine.comYou may contact Susan at

admin@encorebridemagazine.com.We are very interested in hearing from you! What do you think of these articles? Let us know.

Gifts: Thanks or No Thanks? The "gifts issue" can be difficult for encore brides. It comes down to this: What do you do about receiving gifts from wedding guests? Do you go through the registry process, do you tell people you want to forgo gifts altogether, or do you sidestep the issue, do nothing at all, and get what you get? The answer depends largely on your personal situation. Some encore brides are well equipped with household items. They've already got their silver and china, and are established in their home. Others, by contrast, have left their previous marriage with very little and are literally starting over. In some cases, the groom, or his family, may want to participate in a traditional registry, particularly if he has not been married previously. You've got to start by assessing your situation, and decide accordingly, keeping in mind that registries are designed to help new couples establish their home. If your friends and family bought you a fine china service for eight two years ago when you got married, you may want to pass up the traditional registry now. Manners and good taste trump all. If you don't need to establish a home, then don't register. But, if you want your guests to know which items you and your groom are going to need as you merge households, registering can be a very good idea. Since you re not just starting out, you likely have some basics. Perhaps you don't need another toaster or blender, but you could use some cookware. That's where registering comes in handy. But if you decide to register, it is never in good form to include this

information with your invitation, despite what the registry service told you. It is becoming quite popular for larger department stores to "assist" you by providing registration announcements as an invitation insert. This is to help you get things you need, they say. It is to boost their sales, I say. A wedding invitation should never be a plea for gifts. It is an invitation to share in your celebration. Tradition has made weddings gift giving occasions, but consider how tacky it is to suggest that a gift is necessary when you extend the invitation. As in any wedding, friends and family should be the ones to answer the question of where are you registered. Regardless of your decision on gift handling, don't let being an encore bride trample proper etiquette. For a number of reasons, an encore bride may decide she prefers to have no wedding gifts. She may feel awkward about having guests bring gifts to an encore wedding, or she may be well established enough in her own home that the presence of friends and family is gift enough. Again, any mention of gifts in your invitations, either for or against, is not in keeping with etiquette. Instead, you can spread the word by voicing your preference through family and close friends. But if a gift is presented at the reception, accept it graciouslyand remember to write a prompt and gracious thank you note. One exception to this rule, I believe, is the wedding that is a small gathering exclusively attended by close friends and immediate family. In that caseand I know I'm bucking convention hereyou could

exercise a little more informality and clearly state your preference for no gifts if you so choose. In all events, it remains important to not have it seem that the occasion is really about the gifts.

The Honeymoon: Just You, Me, and the Kids A honeymoon is the symbol of the bride and groom beginning their new life together as a couple. By tradition, it's an intimate, romantic getaway; a special time to be shared by two people. But, for encore couples, honeymoon plans can be a challenge if children are involved in your new marriage. Is it strictly taboo for the children to go on your honeymoon? No, not necessarily, if you follow a few basic guidelines, do some research, and take everyone's interests into consideration as you make your plans. If you are viewing your marriage as the blending and celebration of a new family configuration, you may have already decided that you wouldn't dream of starting your new life without the kids. Or perhaps, it's more of a practical matter. There may be no one to care for the children while the two of you run off to an exotic location. Whatever the reason, if you decide to bring the children, it is important to consider them as you and your fianc make decisions about your honeymoon destination. Many resorts offer programs for children that will keep them busy during the day, leaving some "alone time" for you and your new spouse. These programs may be available on a full or half day basis. There is usually a cost involved, even at some all inclusive resorts, so make sure you are fully aware of all costs up front, and learn about the specific activities that will be offered. Check into those details before you firm up your plans. Also, check in with the kids. Make sure the plans include things your children will be interested in.

Larger resorts may have evening babysitting services available, provided by trained babysitters. Often, the babysitter is not an adult, but may be an older adolescent who has been screened by the hotel. Ask ahead of time what training and screening has been provided. This service is useful if your children are too young to be left alone but the two of you want to plan a romantic dinner at the hotel restaurant and will be on site. It is critical that the two of you plan some time alone, and make sure your children are aware of this ahead of time. This is important, not just for the two of you, but for your children as well. They need to recognize the two of you are a couple, not just parents. Your relationship with each other needs to be primary, and the two of you need to role model that for your children. Without this, once the honeymoon is over, step parenting will be a much harder task if your kids see a weak link in the two of you, and haven't been taught to view you as a couple. And so...What about sex? Whether the children are sharing a room with you, sharing a suite, or in an adjoining room, if you and your fianc discuss and plan this now, you may avoid frustration later. Take advantage of those daytime programs for children, and plan accordingly! Arrange for a babysitter from the hotel to watch the children at the pool, or some other activity. You can let the kids know you are going to be having private time without going into details. Kids don't have to be a deterrent to an active honeymoon!

Can "Honeymoon" and "Budget" Go Together? Yes! Your honeymoon is about time away for the two of you. It's a chance to pause and reflect on your new beginning. And that time doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. A honeymoon for an encore bride can be different than for first time brides. In addition to budget concerns, children and time constraints are often considerations. We have discussed in a previous issue taking kids on the honeymoon (yes, it can be done, see archives), so we will reserve this discussion for budget issues. A recent article I read stated that the average cost of a honeymoon is $3,000 -$5,000. But there are many options for $1,000 or less. If you have time restrictions, consider a Bed and Breakfast Inn within driving distance. Some B & B's offer a honeymoon package with an upgraded room, as well as welcome treats such as a bottle of champagne. Many B&B's have shared baths, so ask. A honeymoon is a good reason to splurge on a private bath option. A luxurious inn can be a fabulous treat for a honeymoon, something you wouldn't ordinarily do. Prices can range from under $100 to just about any price per night, depending on when and where you go. Staying 3 days at a great B& B makes a nice honeymoon for under $1,000, including a nice dinner at a local restaurant. These are generally not places to take the kids, but for a short stay for the two of you, perfect. Often located in scenic spots such as oceanside or mountainside, they can also be very romantic. Find a list of B&B's through your travel agent or online through your state's tourism office.

Summer wedding? How about renting a lake front camp? Rentals can often be a cost effective option to a resort, and are frequently available by the week, again, well under the cost of an average honeymoon. You will likely have to stock the cabitnets with your own groceries, and sometimes linens, but the savings are often significant. A private lake front home for your honeymoon can also be a great family vacation if you have children with you. For rentals, check lake associations, local realtors, or the local tourism office. Be specific about what you are looking for, the number of bedrooms want, indoor bath or not, and the amenities you want included. You wouldn't want a honeymoon with the kids, only to find out "sleeps 6" means altogether in a loft. Remember, it is a honeymoon. If you want a resort style honeymoon, significant savings can be found by traveling off-season, or by scouting for last minute fares. This requires some flexibility in time and destination, but can be worth significant savings. Check out budgettravelonline.com for ideas on the best travel savings each month, or consult your travel agent. How about registering for your honeymoon? Encore brides generally don't need traditional wedding registry gifts. A honeymoon registry can be established through many travel agencies, or directly through the place you will be staying. You pick the place, secure the basic reservation, and