Emotional Intelligence: for

Developing Leadership Competence

Dr Dinesh Pant

What makes a person successful in leadership roles? Environmental forces

Much of success / failure of a person is due to the outside forces.

Personal competencies

Every one is personally responsible for his / her success or failure.

Discover the 90/10 Principle 10% of life is made up of what happens to you.

90% of life is decided by how you react We cannot control a traffic red light while driving,

but we can control our reaction to the light.

Let's use an example: You are having breakfast with your family. Your

daughter knocks over a cup of tea onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you react.

One possible reaction: You curse  You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been crying not finishing breakfast and not getting ready for school. She misses the bus.  

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing NRs 200 traffic fine away, you arrive at school.  

Your daughter runs into the school building without saying “goodbye”. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.  

When you arrive home, you find coolness in your relationships with your spouse and daughter. Why? …..  

Why did you have a bad day? A) Did the coffee cause it? B) Did your daughter cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it? Because of how you reacted in the morning?

The other possible reaction: Here is what could have and should have happened.  

Tea pours over you. Your daughter is scared and about to cry. You gently say, "Its Okay dear, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.  

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why?  

Because of how you REACTED.

What makes a person successful?

Success requires a positive mindset !

Positive mindset includes all major psychological properties and processes:

Thinking Feeling Willing Doing (behaving)

New Areas of Managerial CompetenciesConventional meaning of Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is based on cognitive skills (knowledge-based)

Such high IQ is not enough to perform managerial roles in the modern world

Multi-intelligence is needed!

New intelligence typologies are:

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Moral Intelligence (MQ) Spiritual Intelligence (SQ)

All these help to build positive attitudes!

What is Emotion ? A movement in our state of mind; …moved or

excited state of mind!

Any kind of feeling

- May manifest in many forms, e.g., love, fear, anger, excitement, embarrassment, etc.

- Both expressed or suppressed!

- Argued to be both psychological and biological or physiological!

Emotional intelligence

“one's ability to manage emotions in self and others and use the emotions adaptively”

(Theorized first by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and then operationalised and popularized by Daniel Goleman in late Nineties through the best selling books …. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (1995) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (1998). 

Improving EQ in its Five Dimensions 1) Creating self-awareness (knowing one’s own emotions)

2) Regulating or managing emotions (managing feelings to behave according to the needs)

3) Motivating “self” (self-motivation)

4) Understanding emotions in others (empathy)

5) Handling relations with others

Has expanded in many other forms, e.g., expression of / access to emotion, etc.

Consequences of High EQHigh EQ generates feelings that build positive attitudes:

Motivation Satisfaction / Happiness Desire Self-esteem Self-control Friendship Appreciation Peace

Attributing setback or failure to immediate environment, temporal factor and external weakness (with optimism):

Laughing at own set back by taking different perspectives

Consequences of Low EQLow EQ generates feelings that build negative attitudes:

Anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, etc.

Loneliness, depression, stress, etc,

Fear, instability, etc.

Guilt, victimization, hurt, etc.

Attributing setback or failure to larger environment, permanent factor and internal weakness (with low optimism)

Contributors for leadership / managerial successCognitive intelligence (IQ) - 20%

Emotional intelligence (EQ) and others - 80%

IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted

Both combines to make you success!

Older the happier – a recent research finding One’s definition of happiness changes as he or she

grows older

Uses of EQ at workplace (team/organization) Taking leadership or having leadership influences

Resolving interpersonal conflicts

Developing team spirit / promoting cooperation Creating a positive work culture (where service-seekers and

staff feel safe, trusted, included, respected, valued, cared)

Promoting clientele relationships (making people feel heard, helped, served, respected, etc.)

Dealing with situational pressures (uncertainty, irrationality, injustice, inconsistence) with tolerance and optimism

Dealing with people resorting to agitation / aggression Building positive mindsets (positive belief, optimism, desire,

thinking, feeling, coping with cynicism, etc.)

Improving productivity (with cooperation, collaboration, etc. )

Can we choose to feel?Emotions (like anger, love, fear, guilt,

stress, etc.) are natural, spontaneous human manifestation

But,You can learn to choose what or how you

want to feel

Too much - Over-regulation? Too little - Under-regulation?

Balancing is desirable!

Managing emotion: What and how?

Managing emotions is self-regulation of emotions (both temporal and habitual) according to the situational needs :

Managing emotions through:

- Knowing / Assessing your own emotional state or traits (understanding)

- Using / Developing competencies to deal with emotion (acting)

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

Self-Assessment ExerciseCommon Demands Rating ScaleBelow are some common demands people make. We call them the "Dirty Dozen" On a scale from 1-5, rate how these beliefs apply to you.1. Very Seldom applies to me 2. Seldom applies to me 3. Sometimes applies to me 4. Often applies to me5. Very often applies to me(Note: You may want to photocopy this scale, fill it out, and place it in your notebook for future reference.)

1) I must be perfect and never make a mistake.2) I should always be in control.3) I must succeed. I can't stand failure4) I should please and gain approval. Rejection is horrible.5) I am a victim of my past or present circumstances and

therefore am doomed to suffer.6) Life must be fair7) People should give me my own way.8) Some groups or people are inferior. ("All of them are ...."

"They should keep their place." Or, "They should not exist.")

9) I must be right.10) I must win: failure is unbearable.11) Others should appreciate the things I do for them12) Life should be easy.

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Incident 1You have been ignored for a promotion by the management for which you were eligible. Moreover, one of your juniors has been promoted. You are upset and feel frustrated. What do you do?

Talk it over with your boss and ask for reconsideration of the management's decision.

Start abusing the colleague who superseded you.

Move to court and obtain a stay order to get justice.

Identify your shortcomings and try to improve your performance.

Incident 2You get into an argument with your colleague in the course of which you end up personally attacking him/her. However, you never intended to tarnish the image of your colleague. How will you tackle this ugly situation?

Sit calm and consider what triggered off the argument and was it possible to control your anger at that point of time.

Avoid future arguments and leave the scene.

Apologize to your colleague.

Continue with the argument till you reach some definite conclusion.

Incident 3

Imagine that you are a security officer posted in a sensitive area. You get information of violent ethnic clashes between two religious communities in which people have been killed from both sides and property damaged. What action will you take? 

Decide not to visit the spot personally as there may be a danger to your life.

Relax – this is not the first time riots have occurred.

Try to handle the situation by taking all desired remedial measures.

Reach the spot and empathize with the feelings of the victims.

Incident 4 You are on an aircraft and suddenly the pilot announces that it has been hijacked by the terrorist. Everyone is in a state of shock. What will be your reaction? 

Blame yourself for choosing an inauspicious day for traveling.

Be in emotional control and attend to the instructions of the pilot/air hostess.

Continue to read your magazine and pay little attention to the incident.

Cry out and vow not to travel by air in future.

Behavioral Guidelines for Improving EQ and building positive attitudes1) Creating Self-awareness:

- Respect yourself: e.g., accept your innermost feelings

- Be positive: e.g., have confidence in your own ability, avoid being cynical

- Be true to yourself: e.g., know strengths / limitations and act accordingly – I need help!

Critical incident - 1

You have differences with someone in the meeting. Afterwards, you heard being openly commented. What do you do?

a) Ring the person straight away and speak out on it.

b) Put down in writing why he has been a subject of public criticism.

c) Wait until the next time you meet that person and talk about it then

Critical Incident 2

Someone challenges something you say. How do you respond?

Say, "That is just the type of things I would expect from you“

Ask the person, "what's wrong with my point of view?“

Say "I have another option, but I would like to hear what others have to say first".

Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ2) Managing (Regulating) Emotions:

- Defer judgment; curb impulses

- Park the problems; detach yourself

- Be flexible: go with the flow: do not force

- Manage your non-verbal communication

Emotionally stable person is often happy!

Contd…. Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ

3) Motivating Self:

- Striving to improve / achieve high standards

- Being committed to achieve your goals

- Taking the initiative and seizing opportunity

- Being optimistic even in the face of difficulties / setbacks

Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ

4) Understanding / responding to other’s emotions:

- Being sensitive towards and understanding other people

- Making the needs and interests of others your point of reference

- Furthering the development of other people

- Being tuned in socially and politically (rule of game)

Contd…behavioural guidelines for …EQ5) Handling interpersonal relations:

Inspiring and guiding groups and people

Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission

Step forward to lead as needed

Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable

Lead by example

Regulating specific emotions

Anger Stress (anxiety) Hurt Guilt Love (affection) Fear (shyness) Joy

ANGER: A Self-Assessment Exercise

Anger Provocation ScaleWe all have "anger buttons" or triggers – things that happen to which we give an angry response. Below, several situations with the potential for stimulating anger are described. On a scale of 0-5, rate the level of provocation each situation has for you.

0. Does not provoke my anger 1. Very seldom provokes my anger 2. Seldom provokes my anger 3. Sometimes provokes my anger4. Often provokes my anger 5. Very often provokes my anger

1. When I find things are unfair.2. Being interrupted when I'm busy3. When I am frightened.4. When I am anxious.5. When things don't happen when I want them to6. When people don't do what I think they should do7. When I don't live up to my own expectations8. When things don't work the way I think they should.9. When I'm in hurry.10. When I'm under stress.11. When I think I've been betrayed.12. When I feel cornered.13. When I make a mistake.14. When I'm tired.15. When I feel guilty

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Knowing your “anger” state Subject-matter (source / triggers)

Frequency

Intensity

Duration

Type of expression

Strategies for managing “Anger” Keep rating your anger Manage your stress level self-talk phrases

(e.g., take it easy, relax, stay cool, maintain mutual respect, work for win-win, etc.)

Use your sense of humor Develop empathy to other’s concern Pay attention to your body language Get rid of the ghosts from the past Develop a “list of things to do when I am

angry” Express anger properly, if necessary

Guidelines for expressing angerMake sure that anger:

is directed at the right person

satisfies your need to regain control and seek justice

promotes a change in behavior or gives you new information about the person’s behavior

has meaning to the other person

encourages cooperation rather than retaliation

Guidelines for managing “Hurt” Engaging in physical exercises

Recalling past successes

Modeling: studying people who appear to be effective in managing emotions

Interviewing with someone you admire / trust

Self-coaching, e.g., “Stay calm!”, “Take it easy”, “You can do it”, “This too will pass”, “Let go, let God!”

Using reminders and signals

Distracting yourself

Guidelines for managing “guilt” Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change

Guidelines for managing “Joy” Accepting and affirming

Building courage

Going for it – flowing with others

Making humor /making laughter

Promoting self-esteem and social interest

Valuing (developing your own value aided by self admiration)

Getting joy back in your life (like changing TV channel)

Guidelines for managing “Guilt” Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change

Plan for Life- - Mother Teresa People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered

-- Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives

-- Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some

true enemies --Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you

-- Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone might destroy

overnight -- Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous

-- Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow

-- Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough

-- But give the world best you’ve got anyway.You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God; it was

never between you and them anyway.

Happiness Live with integrity (being in line with your values, beliefs ....) Live in the moment (enjoying the present …stop worrying about…)

Express gratitude (for the things you have ……) Work in way that satisfies you Enjoy harmony (being in peace with yourself and the world around)

Do not self-criticize Avoid being afraid of changes Enjoy simple things Giving back to other (+ sharing with other..) Do not take life too seriously

"Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."