effective communication feedback & listening

8/10/2019 Effective Communication Feedback & Listening

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/effective-communication-feedback-listening 1/19

Efective Communication, Feedback, andListening

Table o Contents· Introduction· The Communication Process· Sources of Noise in Communication· Constructive Communications: Listening and FeedbackSkills· Wh managers are often reluctant to !rovide feedback· Theories in "ction: The Chris "rg ris model ofCommunication

Introduction

"s #e !rogress through our careers$ the nature of the skills that arecritical to our success changes dramaticall% For man of us #e are&rst res!onsible for !erforming s!eci&c tasks$ often technical innature% 'ur success is de!endent on individual e(!ertise$ actions$and contributions% Technical !ro&cienc is often enough%

)ut as #e continue to !rogress$ technical com!etence #ill not beenough *+ill$ ,--./ 0our success #ill de!end more and more on ourinter!ersonal skills and our abilit to develo! e1ective #orkrelationshi!s #ith ke individuals% 2anagerial 3obs involve com!le(#ebs of relationshi!s #ith !eo!le #ho make constant demands$often con4icting and ambiguous demands% " manager5s 3ob involvesreconciling these con4ict e(!ectations% Not sur!risingl $inter!ersonal skills and co4ict resolution skills rank among the mostcritical for managerial success%

This note #ill discuss the ke com!onents of the communication!rocess and the basic skills re6uired for e1ective communication%

A Case StudyConsider the follo#ing interaction bet#een )rian and Susan% Thistook !lace in )rian5s o7ce #ith )rian behind his desk and Susano!!osite him% The unstated thoughts are in italics%

Brian : Susan$ I #ant to thank ou for all of our contributions this !ast ear% 0ou5ve #orked hardand achieved a lot%Susan *Without conviction/ Thanks% I have #orked hard% It5s nice to be recogni8ed% (He's reading ascript. But then so am I.)Brian *With a sense of resignation ) (You get plenty of praise but its never enough for you.) 0es%Let5s go through the assessment together% Feel free to sto! me and ask 6uestions if there is



an thing that ou #ant clari&ed or #ish to discuss in more detail%Susan Fine% I have a lot of #ork toda so let5s go * Let's get this over with. oops! I forgot myscript.) Brian : *Sti9 / ("he's closing down. "he doesn't want to hear this and she's not going to accept myfeedbac# openly.) Well$ I ho!e ou &nd this hel!ful% "re ou feeling uncomfortable about this forsome reasonSusan : *Sti9 / No% I don5t kno#% It5s &ne% I never &nd these things ver motivating . (You don't li#ethese any more than I do$ you thin# you are managing and your boss ma#es you do this.%his guyused to be &ilbert's boss.) Brian *;ncomfortabl / There5s !lent to be !roud of here% )ut it5s also im!ortant to recogni8e theareas #here ou can develo! further% I kno# ou reall #ant to be !romoted$ so its im!ortant thatou kno# #here ou stand and #hat5s re6uired to get to the ne(t level% There shouldn5t be ansu!!ress here% (You only want to hear that you're great! you're promoted! here's a big raise. Youcan't deal with your wea#nesses.)Susan *in a confronting tone/ 'h$ I kno#% I 3ust feel that our standards are so high that the 5reunattainable% (I was here before you came and I'll be here after you leave what a waste)Brian *I can't believe I have to listen to this again. ther people meet my standards and whilethey are high! I feel they are de nitely attainable %/ Let5s get on #ith the revie# and #e discuss me(!ectations as !art of the revie#%*intervie# continues along these lines/

The above interaction #as frustrating for both !eo!le involved%Certainl not all interactions end u! this #a but #ith !eo!le inorgani8ations t !icall s!ending over <=> of their time in aninter!ersonal interactions$ a ver large !ro!ortion of !roblems inorgani8ations are communication !roblems%

?es!ite the tremendous develo!ment in information technolog $ it

might be sur!rising to &nd out t!at at t!e root o manyorgani"ation and management #roblems are sim#lecommunications breakdo$ns% )ut this should not reall be thatsur!rising% We are basicall social animals and no matter ho#@bureaucratic@ an organi8ation$ no matter ho# muchcommunications have @gone digital$@ inter!ersonal interactions cannever be totall se!arated from !ersonal feelings$ st les$!references that #e bring to an of our human interactions%

"s social animals man of our greatest 3o s and most intensesorro#s$ highest !eaks and dee!est valle s$ occur in relationshi!s#ith others% For man of us a large !ro!ortion of our interactionstake !lace in our organi8ational or !rofessional lives% While #e manot bring the e(act same needs to both !ersonal and !rofessionalsetting$ man of our basic needs such as achievement$ recognition$res!ect$ !o#er$ and control are as likel to a1ect interactions at#ork as #ell as in our !ersonal lives%

Conse6uentl $ our !ersonal life and our organi8ational life as #ellde!end on our skills in inter!ersonal behavior and communication%We can never se!arate our !ersonal @self@ from our !rofessional

@self%@ We ma #ork on organi8ational tasks but #e never #ork onlon organi8ational tasksA #e also #ork on #hatever !ersonal and



social needs are im!ortant to us%

From the above e(am!le$ neither )rian nor Susan is obtainingsatisfactor res!onses from the other% )oth are leaving theinteraction feeling frustrated and this interaction #ill ver likelresult in lo#er !erformance on Susan5s !art$ !ossibl even lesse1ective management on )rian5s !art$ and overall lo#erorgani8ational e1ectiveness% 2ulti!l this kind of interaction b theman that occur both formall and informall in an grou! ororgani8ation$ and one can see ho# damaging ine1ectivecommunication can be for an organi8ation% "nd this interaction isonl bet#een t#o !eo!leA man interactions involve man more andthe o!!ortunit for breakdo#n multi!lies geometricall%

Effective communication occurs when the intended meaning of the source and perceived meaning of the receiver are the same. This should be your goal but it ishard to achieve. Organizations use a wide variety of channels for communication.Effective communication depends on a good understanding of all these channels

In this chapter we will cover the basic process of communication focusing mostly oninterpersonal communication and then we will cover some of the most difficultcommunication issues managers face-providing constructive and effective feedbackand performance appraisal. More specifically we need to develop the ability tounderstand!" what is really happening in an interaction#" why do other people behave as they do#

" what can I do about it#

T!e Communication &rocess

"lthough all of us have been communicating #ith others since ourinfanc $ the !rocess of transmitting information from an individual*or grou!/ to another is a ver com!le( !rocess #ith man sourcesof !otential breakdo#n

)rian has an intended message in his mind% We can5t tellcom!letel #hat he has in mind but it a!!ears he #ould like toim!rove both her !erformance and her attitude% The ver nature ofsuch an intended message has a huge !otential for error since sucha message touches on the ego of )rian and his sense of ho# o#nskill as a communicator and manager% The message is likel also totouch on Susan5s sense of self as a !erson and em!lo ee% Theissues of !o#er and control hang over this entire communicationfrom both sides%

)rian5s background and #ast e'#eriences are going to !la ama3or role here% We don5t kno# #hat kind of organi8ational!ressures )rian is under% Perha!s )rian is being forced to @crack



do#n@ on lo#er !erformers% Perha!s )rian is under !ressure to get!roductivit u!% 2a be )rian is being forced to !roduce more #orkin his grou! #ith fe#er resources% "ll of these !ressures mamanifest themselves in this communication%

)rian a!!arentl has had #revious e'#erience #ith Susan and this#ill !la a big !art in this interaction% If )rian has e(!erienced@failure@ #ith Susan before$ his frustration ma sho# u! in thisinteraction% )rian5s sense of self$ his sense of his o#n com!etenceand skill as a !erson$ communicator$ and manager #ill !la a ma3orrole in this interaction% It is clear from the transcri!t that )riansenses that his failure here is at odds #ith his selfBim!ression as acommunicator and manager%

)rian has to encode his intended message into #ords$ tone$in4ection$ facial e(!ression$ and bod language% It is critical to notethat )rian is not likel himself to be a#are of all of his com!le(needs$ and hidden motivations that are likel to sho# u! in thisinteraction% +e #ill not have total control over the interaction and nodoubt #ill communicate some unintended messages along #ith hisintended ones% For e(am!le$ it is likel that control is an issue hereand #hile he ma not intend to communicate !o#er and control$ it#ill be hard for him to avoid this issue if he is feeling frustrated #ithSusan%

Furthermore$ if this is an issue$ Susan #ill @hear@ this issue no

matter #hat )rian sa s and ho# he sa s it%We can5t tell from the !rinted transcri!tion ho# )rian actuallencoded his message% We can read the actual content $ but #e canonl learn a little about the nonBverbal as!ects of communicationsuch as the facial e(!ression and other as!ects that are soim!ortant to a communication%

In 3ust the &rst !art of this conversation #e have seen a huge!otential for !roblems% )rian has a ver com!le( message toconve $ some of #hich is conscious and some of #hich isunconscious% The message is ver com!le( because it touches onhis self image and it touches on the other !erson5s self image% Wecan see from the transcri!t that in man !laces the #ords are incon4ict #ith the tone and bod language% For e(am!le$ )rian acts@sti9 @ #hen he is tr ing to conve a message of su!!ort andfriendliness% Susan #ill much more likel read the messagecontained in @sti9 @ and not the #ords% She #ill hardl hear the#ords at all% It #ill be hard for )rian to hide his @true@ message%

From Susan5s side$ she has to @!erceive@ and @decode@ all of thisinformation from )rian% This involves !erce!tion and her !erce!tions

#ill be biased in terms of her needs$ !ast e(!eriences #ith )rian$!ast e(!eriences #ith !eo!le she associates #ith )rian$ such as



bosses in general% She #ill distort incoming information *as he does/in #a s that &t her needs$ e(!ectations$ and selfBimage%

For e(am!le$ consider )rian5s comment @Let5s go through thistogether%@ This could mean a #ide variet of things% )rian couldactuall intend an o!en collegial$ nonB3udgmental interaction$ butSusan certainl doesn5t hear this message if this is #hat is intended%She has a!!eared to @read@ )rian5s bod language more than the#ords% She @hears@ negative feedback coming% It a!!ears she isright too%

It is !ossible to conclude that this interaction actuall #as e1ectivein the sense that )rian actuall did communicate e1ectivel here%With the combination of his #ords and bod language$ he !rettaccuratel communicated #hat #as in his head and Susan heardthis @message@ !rett #ell% Conversel $ Susan e1ectivelcommunicated her feelings about this intervie# and her boss% +ehad little trouble understanding #hat she #as reall sa ing andsimilarl she had little trouble understanding his true message%

This #as clearl a !ainful and un!leasant interaction for both sides%Possibl $ this com!an forces this interaction to take !lace #ithneither side going into it e(!ecting an thing !ositive coming out%iven these conditions$ this is an interaction that has little!ossibilit of !ositive outcome and a substantial likelihood of anegative outcome as ha!!ened%

Consider another example Terry ! I won$t make it to work again tomorrow% this

pregnancy makes me nauseous and my doctor says Ishould be given such a heavy workload and should

probably be reduced to part time

Boss : Terr this is the third da ou5vemissed and our a!!ointments kee!backing u!A #e have to cover for ou anthis is messing all of us u!%

Looking at the e(am!le$ Terr has #hat a!!ears to be a sim!le

message to conve Bshe #on5t make it to #ork toda because ofnausea% )ut she had to translate the thoughts into #ords% Themessage is not reall as sim!le as it a!!ears because it a!!ear

Terr is aggrieved that her em!lo er has not been as caring as shethinks it should be% The boss5s reaction reinforces this feeling%

"nd this is the &rst !otential source of error% Was she 3ust tr ing toconve that she #ould be lateA #as she tr ing to conve an thingelse% It turns out she #as% She #as u!set because she !erceivedthat her coB#orkers #eren5t as s m!athetic to her situation as theshould be% +er coB#orkers$ ho#ever$ #ere reall being !ressured b

Terr 5s continued absences$ and her late calls% The #ished she#ould 3ust take a leave of absence$ but Terr refuses because she



#ould have to take it #ithout !a %

Thus #hat a!!ears to be a sim!le communication is$ in realit $ 6uitecom!le(% Terr is communicating far more than that she #ould miss#orkA she is conve ing a number of com!le( emotions$ com!licatedb her o#n com!le( feelings about !regnanc $ #ork$ and her future%

T!e Intended Communication The message Terr is sending isver com!le( even to the degree that she herself !robabl doesn5ttotall understand all that she is conve ing% +er message is a mi( of content$ attitude$ e(!ectation$ feeling$ and emotion%

She had to @encode@ all of this and she !robabl did it im!erfectlsince it involves a mi' of #ords$ tone$ faciale(!ression$ bod language$ and timing%

T!e (eceived Communication Dven if she did this @encoding@ver #ell$ this in itself #ouldn5t ensure that her boss #ould @decode@it accuratel% +e #ould have to inter!ret the com!le( mi( of #ordsand nonBverbal messages she is sending% There are man #a s todecode the sim!le message that Terr gave and the #a themessage is heard #ill in4uence the res!onse to Terr %

In this case the boss heard far more than a sim!le message that Terr #on5t be at #ork toda% The boss @heard@ hostilit from Terr $indi1erence$ lack of consideration$ among other emotions% Terr ma

not have meant this$ but this is #hat the boss heard%

Communications is so di7cult because at each ste! in the !rocessthere ma3or !otential for error% ) the time a message gets from asender to a receiver there are four basic !laces #here transmissionerrors can take !lace and at each !lace$ there are a multitude of!otential sources of error% Thus it is no sur!rise that social!s chologists estimate that there is usuall a E B. > loss ofmeaning in the transmission of messages from sender to receiver%

)*oise) in CommunicationIn the t#o e(am!les #e have seen that #e have to be a#are of alarge number of factors that a1ect communication accurac ande1ectiveness% There are a #ide number of sources of noise orinterference that can enter into the communication !rocess% Thiscan even occur #hen !eo!le kno# each other% The follo#ing listssome of the common sources of @noise@ in communication%

&erce#tual Biases Peo!le res!ond to stimuli in the environmentin ver di1erent #a s% We each have shortcuts that #e use toorgani8e data% Invariabl $ these shortcuts introduce some biases

into communication% Some of these shortcuts include stereot !ing$!ro3ection$ and selfBful&lling !ro!hecies% Stereoty#ing is one of the



most common% This is #hen #e assume that the other !erson hascertain characteristics based on the grou! to #hich the belong$#ithout validating that the in fact have these characteristics% In our&rst case Susan has strong !erce!tional biases to#ards an thing)rian might sa to herA )rian is !robabl doing the same thing%

&ast E'#eriences +o# #e !erceive communication is a1ected bthe !ast e(!erience #ith the individual% Susan5s behavior to#ards)rian #as strongl a1ected b her !ast e(!erience #ith him and#ith other bosses in the !ast% Similarl $ )rian5s behavior is heavil afunction of his !erce!tion of his !ast e(!eriences #ith Susan%

Cultural +iferences D1ective communication re6uiresdeci!hering the basic values$ motives$ as!irations$ and assum!tionsof the other !erson% iven some dramatic di1erences acrosscultures in a!!roaches to such areas as time$ s!ace$ and !rivac $the o!!ortunities for misBcommunication #hile #e are in crossBcultural situations are !lentiful%

Language The choice of #ords or language in #hich a senderencodes a message #ill in4uence the 6ualit of communication%)ecause language is a s mbolic re!resentation of a !henomenon$room for inter!retation and distortion of the meaning e(ists% In theabove e(am!le$ the )oss uses language *this is the third da ou5vemissed/ that is likel to conve far more than ob3ective information%

To Terr it conve s indi1erence to her medical !roblems%

Note that the same #ords #ill be inter!reted di1erent b eachdi1erent !erson% 2eaning has to be given to #ords and manfactors a1ect ho# an individual #ill attribute meaning to !articular#ords% It is im!ortant to note that no t#o !eo!le #ill attribute thee(act same meaning to the same #ords%

*onverbal Communication The use of gestures$ movements$facial e(!ressions$ and s!ace can clarif or confuse the meaning ofverbal communication% In the &rst e(am!le$ both )rian5s and Susan5sused bod language *facial e(!ression$ tone$ etc%/ that #ere at odds#ith the #ords being used% The receiver has to deal #ith thesecontradictions and the result can often be something di1erent thanthe intended message%

word of warning % Nonverbal cues can di1er dramaticall fromculture to culture% "n "merican hand gesturemeaning G"B'H@ #ould be vie#ed as obscene in some South"merican countries% )e careful%

+e ensiveness and related !rocesses such as distorted!erce!tions$ guilt$ !ro3ect$ transference$ distortions from the !ast$

selfBful&lling assum!tions and selective hearing



t!er Factors include distrusted source$ erroneous translation$value 3udgment$ state of mind of t#o !eo!le

Added *oise in a -ork Situation

In a #ork setting$ noise is even more common since interactionsinvolve !eo!le #ho not onl don5t have ears of e(!erience #itheach other$ but communication is com!licated b the com!le( andoften con4ictual relationshi!s that e(ist at #ork%

The follo#ing suggests a number of sources of noise one &ndscommonl in #ork situations· defensiveness$ distorted !erce!tions$ guilt$ !ro3ect$ transference$distortions from the !ast· misreading of bod language$ tone· nois transmission *unreliable messages$ inconsistenc /· receiver distortion: selective hearing$ ignoring nonBverbal cues· !o#er struggles· organi8ational relationshi!s· selfBful&lling assum!tions· languageB di1erent levels of meaning· managers5 and subordinates5 hesitation to be candid· assum!tionsBeg% assuming others see situation same as ou$ hassame feelings as ou

· distrusted source$ erroneous translation$ value 3udgment$ state ofmind of t#o !eo!le· !h sical distractions *interru!tions such as !hone calls/

Constructive Communications Listening Skills*+ective listening can occur at a rate of ,-- words per minute butnormal speech occurs at /, /,- words per minute allowing thelistener to dewll on many other things li#e attitudes! biases!

personal needs! or last night's ball game. %he way we use this 0freetime0 is a ma1or barrier to communication %

D1ective communication is ver de!endent on e1ective listening$something man of us are 6uite !oor at% The !ur!ose of e1ectivelistening is to conve interest and res!ect for the other !ersonA thisis crucial if #e are to have an abilit to hel! solve !roblems andsatisf the other !erson5s needs and goals as #ell as our o#n%Constructive feedback de!ends on a #ide range of skills includinglistening skills and feedback skills%

Wh are man of us so !oor at listening% The follo#ing list identi&essome of the ma3or barriers to e1ective listening



• Barriers to Listening• forming a 3udgment or evaluation before #e understand

#hat is being said • making un3usti&ed inferences about the meaning of #hat is

being said • attributing our o#n thoughts and ideas to the s!eaker

causing distortion • being inattentive • having a closed mind • hearing #hat #e #ish to hear • fear of being changed ourselves

• e(cessive and incessant talking

So #hat are the ke s to e1ective listening% The follo#ing list

highlights some of the ke s:

Active Listening Skills • Sto! talkingB listen o!enl and #ith em!ath to the other !erson • Tr not to be defensive• Look at the !ersonA be !atient • "sk the other !erson for as much detail as he she can !rovideA !ara!hrase

#hat the other is sa ing to make sure ou understand it and check for

understanding • Jes!ond in an interested #a that sho#s ou understand the !roblem and

the em!lo ee5s concern • attend to nonBverbal cues$ bod language$ not 3ust #ordsA !a attention to

both emotional and cognitive messages *eg% anger/ • sta in an active bod state to aid listeningA &ght distractionsA use e e

contact$ encouraging gestures • "sk the other for his vie#s or suggestions • maintain the self con&dence and selfBesteem of the other !erson • lead b e(am!le

• *at #ork/ take notesA decide on a s!eci&c follo#Bu! action and date

Balancing In.uiry and Advocacy /based on t!e $ork o Argyris andSenge0

2ost of us are trained to be advocates A #e are re#arded for being!roblem solvers$ for &guring out #hat should be done$ andin4uencing others to ado!t our ideas% In.uiry skills$ the abilit toask 6uestions$ is a fairl undevelo!ed skill for man of us% )ut as

managerial !roblems get more com!le($ #e &nd that #e must do abetter 3ob of balancing in6uir and advocac% This is not eas for



man of us #ho &nd it uncomfortable to encourage others tocriti6ue our arguments%

E'am#le o Advocacy : We are being too conservative% Can5t #egro# market share faster than that%%%@Ty#ical (es#onse @I disagree$%%% let me state m argumentagain%%%@&ossible In.uiry @Can ou give me an e(am!le of #hat oumean@ or @Can ou share #ith me the data ou are using to su!!ortthat conclusion @

Being a good advocate : make our reasoning e(!licitA encourageothers to e(!lore our vie#sA ackno#ledge #eaknesses in our!ointsA activel in6uire into others5 vie#s that di1er from ours

-!en In.uiring into ot!ers1 vie$s : if ou are makingassum!tions about their vie#s$ state our assum!tionsA state thebasis on #hich our assum!tions are madeA don5t bother asking6uestions if ou don5t mean it%

-!en you arrive at an im#asse : ask #hat data or logic mightchange their vie#sA ask if there is an #a ou might 3ointl design an e&periment that might provide new information

-!en you or ot!ers are !esitant to e'#ress your vie$s ore'#eriment $it! alternative ideas encourage them or yourself to think

out loud about what might be making it difficult% if there is a mutual desire to do so 'ointly brainstorm ideas about overcoming barriers

from 2eter "enge! %he 3ifth &iscipline4 The Art and Practice of the LearningOrganization ! &oubleday! 5ew Yor#! 66-.

Feedback Skills It is eas to give !ositive feedback to !eo!le doing #ell$ or ingeneral to give information that !eo!le #ant to hear% 2ost of us do

this !rett #ell% It is giving negative feedback or information !eo!ledon5t #ant to hear that is far more !roblematic$ of course% Feedbackta!s basic human needsBto im!rove$ to com!ete$ to be accurateA!eo!le #ant to be com!etent% Feedback can be reinforcingA if given!ro!erl $ feedback is almost al#a s a!!reciated and motivates!eo!le to im!rove% )ut for man !eo!le$ dail #ork is like bo#ling#ith a curtain !laced bet#een them and the !insA the receive littleinformation%

The follo#ing identi&es some characteristics of efectiveeedback : e1ective feedback is%%%



• t!e )giver) must be clear about motives : too often #e think #e are!roviding feedback #hen #e are reall letting o1 anger or tr ing to e(ertcontrolA it should take into account the needs o bot! t!e receiver andgiver o eedback% It should be given to !el# $ not to hurt% We too oftengive feedback because it makes us feel better or gives us a !s chologicaladvantage%

• #roblem oriented, not #eo#le oriented : feedback should focus onissues$ not the !erson since the individual usuall has little control over!ersonalit% It is im!ortant that #e refer to #hat a !erson does rather thanto #hat #e think he is% Thus #e might sa that a !erson @talked more thanan one else in this meeting@ rather than that he is a @loudBmouth%@

• s#eci2c rather than generalA sim#le $ not over#helmingA the receivermust be able to do something about the !roblem if the choose toA makesure e(am!les of the behavior are recent

• descri#tive, not evaluative : !eo!le more readil receive information ifthe sender describes shat ha!!ened and communicates the !ersonale1ect it had$ as o!!osed to evaluating its goodness or badness$ rightnessor #rongness%

•

validating, not invalidatingA it is im!ortant to ackno#ledge the other!erson5s uni6ueness and im!ortance • su!!ortive and o!en to hear ne# and !ossibl discon&rming informationA

tone o voice, acial e'#ression, c!oice o $ords is crucial here sincetone can go a long #a to indicate that ) cares about "

• o$ned, not diso#ned A use @I have a !roblem #ith our #ork@$ not @othershave been com!laining@

• matches #ords #ith deeds: make sure our bod language and tone don5tcontradict the #ords A given directl and #ith real feeling

• c!ecked $it! ot!ers to su!!ort its validit A the other !erson mustunderstand #hat has been said and be #illing and able to acce#t it

• hel!ful to the receiver and directed to#ard be!avior $!ic! the receiver

can do somet!ing about% " !erson gets frustrated #hen reminded ofsome shortcoming over #hich he has no control% Ideall feedback shouldbe solicited, not im!osed

• Feedback is useful #hen $ell3timed *soon after the behaviorBde!ending$of course$ on the !erson5s readiness to hear it$ su!!ort available fromothers$ and so forth/% D(cellent feedback !resented at an ina!!ro!riatetime ma do more harm than good%

• accurate : not sur!risingl $ !eo!le #ill not #ant to hear negativeinformation es!eciall if it is incorrect

• involves s!aring o in ormation, rather than giving advice allo#ing a!erson to decide for himself$ in accordance #ith his o#n goals and needs%When #e give advice #e tell him #hat to do$ and to some degree takea#a his freedom to do decide for himself%

• It involves the amount o in ormation t!e receiver can use ratherthan the amount #e #ould like to give% To overload a !erson #ith feedbackis to reduce the !ossibilit that he ma be able to use #hat he receivese1ectivel % When #e give more than can be used$ #e are more often thannot satisf ing some need of our o#n rather than hel!ing the other !erson%

Summari"ing t!e keys to Su##ortive Communication, t!eollo$ing gives some e'am#les% &roblem oriented3not #erson oriented@+o# can #e solve this !roblem @ not

@)ecause of ou there is a!roblem%@



Congruent, not incongruent@0our behavior reall u!set me%@ not @?o I seem u!set No$

ever thing5s &ne%@ +escri#tive, not Evaluative@+ere is #hat ha!!enedA here is m reactionAhere is #hat I suggest that #ould be moreacce!table to me%@

not @0ou are #rong for doing #hatou did%@

4alidating, *ot Invalidating@I have some ideas$ but do ou have ansuggestions%@

not @0ou #ouldn5t understand$ so#e5ll do it m #a %@

S#eci2c, not global@0ou interru!ted me three times during themeeting%@

not @0ou5re al#a s tr ing to getattention%@

Con5unctive, not dis5uncctive@Jelating to #hat ou 3ust said$ I5d like todiscuss this%@

not @I #ant to discuss this*regardless of #hat ou #antto discuss%@

$ned, not diso$ned@I5ve decided to turn do#n our re6uestbecause%%%@

not @0ou have a !rett good idea$but the 3ust #ouldn5t a!!roveit%@

Su##ortive Listening, not ne3-ayListening@What do ou think are the obstaclesstanding in the #a of im!rovement

not "s I said before$ ou make tooman mistakes% 0ou5re 3ust notdoing the 3ob%@

+e ensiveness and +iscon2rmation

Su!!ortive communication can create feelings of su!!ort$understanding and hel!fulness% Failure to follo# these !rinci!lesoften results in both defensiveness and discon&rmation

?efensiveness results #hen one feels threatened or !unished andends u! the follo#ing kinds of outcomes:

· one individual feels threatened· selfB!rotection becomes ver im!ortant· energ is s!ent on constructing a defense rather than on listening· aggression$ anger$ com!etitiveness$ and or avoidance are commonreactions

"nother barrier that is created is discon&rmation #hich results #hena !erson feels !ut do#n$ ine1ectual$ or insigni&cant because of thecommunication% The outcomes are often:· attem!ts to reestablish selfB#orth take !recedence· energ is s!ent tr ing to !ortra selfBim!ortance rather than onlistening%



· Sho#ing o1$ selfBcentered behavior$ #ithdra#al$ and or loss ofmotivation are common reactions

Coac!ing and Counseling &roblems

Failure to distinguish bet#een these t#o kinds of !roblems cancreate real di7culties in communication% So it might hel! todistinguish bet#een t#o di1erent kinds of communication situations%

Coac!ing !roblems are those in #hich managers must !ass alongadvice$ information$ or set standards for subordinates% Problems inthis area usuall are caused b lack of abilit $ insu7cientinformation or understanding$ and or incom!etence on the !art ofsubordinates% In this case the subordinate must get ver clearinformation%

In a counseling situation$ the !roblems are usuall more involvingattitudes$ !ersonalit clashes$ defensiveness$ or other factors tied toemotions% +ere com!etenc ma not be the issue%

If a manager takes a @coaching@ a!!roaches to a !roblem that ismainl attitude *counseling/ and involves a !erson #ho doesn5tackno#ledge that there is a !roblem$ the individual is onl likel toget more defensive%

'f course$ man !roblems involve both coaching and counseling%Fre6uentl managers have to give direction and advice *coaching/as #ell as hel! facilitate understanding and #illingness to change*counseling/%

)oth kinds of !roblems re6uire similar skills in communication A &lanning list or &re#aring or a +iscussion

· #hat do ou #ant to accom!lish in this discussion· #hat s!eci&c information do ou need to learnA #hat 6uestions doou need ans#ered· #hat issues of timing$ location$ advance !re!aration$ or otherlogistics do ou need to consider· note the basic !rinci!les of communication

In giving feedback it is im!ortant to use the follo#ing tec!ni.ues • state the constructive !ur!ose of the feedback *@Charlie$ I5m u!set about

some things ou sa about !roduction control in scheduling meetingsA it isim!ortant to me that #e talk about it%@/

• ive the other !erson an o!!ortunit to res!ond: tr @#hat do ou think@ • focus on $!at is said and done, not #h % The @#h @ involves

assum!tions regarding motive or intent and this tends to alienate the!erson generate resentment$ sus!icion$ and distrust% If #e are uncertain of



his motives or intent$ this uncertaint itself is feedback$ ho#ever$ andshould be revealed%

• C!eck to insure clear communication% 'ne #a of doing this is to havethe receiver tr to re!hrase the feedback% No matter #hat the intent$feedback is often threatening and thus sub3ect to considerable distortion ormisinter!retation%· check to determine degree of agreement from others% Such @consensualvalidation@ is of value to both the sender and receiver%

• Pa a lot of attention to t!e conse.uences o t!e eedback% Thesu!ervisor needs to become acutel a#are of the e1ects of his feedback%

• Be ready to receive eedback yoursel #hile avoiding defensivenessAthe information ma be valuable ask for clari&cation$ summari8e$ check foraccurac $ listen carefull A mentall note 6uestionsA !ara!hrase #hat ouhave heard

• It is an im!ortant ste! to#ard aut!enticity% Constructive feedback o!ensthe #a to a relationshi! #hich is built on trust$ honest$ and genuineconcern and mutual gro#th%

• o1ers s!eci&c suggestions

-!y managers are o ten reluctant to #rovide eedback

"s im!ortant as feedback is$ this critical managerial task remainsone of the most !roblematic% 2an managers #ould rather haveroot canal #ork than !rovide feedback to anotherBes!eciallfeedback that might be vie#ed as critical% Wh are managers soreluctant to !rovide feedback The reasons are man :

• fear of the other !erson5s reactionA !eo!le can get verdefensive and emotional #hen confronted #ith feedback andman managers are ver fearful of the reaction

• the feedback ma be based on sub3ective feeling and themanager ma be unable to give concrete information if theother !erson 6uestions the basis for the feedbackA

• the information on #hich the feedback is based *eg%!erformance a!!raisal/ ma be a ver 4a#ed !rocess

Coach vs% Kudge: man managers #ould !refer to being a su!!ortive

coach than 3udgeA feedback often forces a change in the relationshi!from friend to friend to !arentBchild% Some have called this @!la ingod%@

T!eories in Action

Chris "rg ris has conducted research for decades on the !roblemsof inter!ersonal com!etence as a basic managerial skill% +e foundthat managers5 e1ectiveness is often im!aired because the areovercontrolling$ e(cessivel com!etitive$ uncomfortable #ith



feelings$ and closed to ideas other than their o#n%

"rg ris and Schon *,-<E/ carried the issue further b arguing that#e are controlled b our @theories for actionA@ these areassum!tions and ideas about the nature of e1ective action% These@theories@ that #e hold determine our behavior% The further foundthat there #as a #ide ga! bet#een #hat !eo!le said the did*es#oused t!eory / versus #hat the actuall did /t!eories inuse /% 2anagers #ould see themselves as rational$ o!en$ concernedfor others$ and democratic et their behavior #as often dominatedb com!etition$ control$ and selfB!rotection%

"rg ris and Schon found that most managers have a selfB!rotectivemodel of inter!ersonal behavior stemming from a !erce!tion thatresources are scarce$ and com!etition and con4ict are critical% Thecalled this a @m ster Bmaster @ a!!roach #here managers get #hatthe #ant #hile !rotecting themselves% The a!!roach #ill:

• assume the !roblem is caused b the other !erson • develo! a !rivate unilateral diagnosis and solution • since the other !erson is the cause of the !roblem get him or

her to change using either facts$ logic$ and rational !ersuasion• involve indirect in4uence such as asking leading 6uestions$

mani!ulating the other !erson • direct criti6ueBtell the other !erson #hat he or she is doing

#rong and ho# he or she should change • if the other !erson resists or becomes defensive$ that con&rms

the original diagnosis • res!ond to resistance through some combination of

intensif ing !ressure$ !rotecting the other !erson$ andre3ecting the other !erson

• if our e1orts are unsuccessful$ or less successful than ho!ed$it is the other5s fault

The suggest the follo#ing guidelines as an alternative #a ofachieving inter!ersonal e1ectiveness:

· em!hasi8e common goals and mutual in4uence· communicate o!enl and !ublicl· test assum!tions and beliefs· combine advocac *eg% communicate #hat the !erson thinks$kno#s$ #ants/ #ith in6uir *learn #hat the other #ants

A##endi' 6 (eading *onverbal Communication Cues

" large !ercentage *studies suggest over - >/ of the meaning #e

derive from communication$ #e derive from nonBverbal cues thatthe other !erson gives% 'ften a !erson sa s one thing but



communicates something totall di1erent through vocal intonationand bod language% These mi(ed signals force the receiver tochoose bet#een the verbal and nonBverbal !arts of the message%2ost often$ the receiver chooses the nonBverbal as!ects% 2i(edmessages create tension and distrust because the receiver sensesthat the communicator is hiding something or is being less thancandid%

Nonverbal communication consists of:

· visual: bod language including facial e(!ression$ e e movement$!osture$ gestures% The face is the biggest !art% "ll of us @read@!eo!le5s faces for #a s to inter!ret #hat the sa and feel% Thinkabout dealing #ith someone #ith sunglasses% These visual cues caneasil be misread es!eciall #hen dealing #ith someone fromanother culture

· tactile: touching im!arts a lot of informationA e(am!les includehandshake$ a !at on the back$ or a hug

· vocal: the meaning of #ords can be altered signi&cantl bchanging the intonation of one5s voiceA think about ho# man #a sou can sa @no@

· use of time$ s!ace$ and image

A##endi' 7 T!ree 8inds o Intervie$s

Tell and Sell

· &ts #hen 3udgment ofsu!erior acce!table tosubordinate$ #hen sub%has abilit to change

and desired ob3ectivesare obtainable· most e1ective for ne#em!lo ees· ob3ectivesBcommunicateem!lo ee5s evaluationas accuratel as!ossibleA gainem!lo ee acce!tanceof evaluationA· most im!ortant skill is!ersuasion

· can e(!ect somedefensive reactionA

Tell and Listen

· &ts same conditions asleft· ob3ective is tocommunicate

accuratel A give chanceto res!ond· there #ill bedefensivenessA listeningskills criticalA activelistening neededAdefensive behavior isreducedA if boss ise1ective motivator$ caninduce feelings ofacce!tance· can be 3oint !roblemsolvingA

· su!ervisor ma change· risk that subordinate

&roblem Solving

· su!ervisor no longer 3udge$ buthel!erA not diagnosing andsu!!l ing remedies· su!% must be #illing to acce!t

ideas for 3ob im!rovement· must concentrate on situation$not individual· goal is to develo! em!lo ee· skills neededB skillful6uestioningA skillfulcommunicator· em!lo ee #ill thinkconstructivel if he !erceiveso!!ortunit to in4uence !rocess· subordinate #ill likel feel someincreased 3ob satisfactionA butsu!erior ma sacri&ce some

control· failure if subordinate doesn5t



since su! must be 3udge· can be di7cult ifina!!ro!riate behavioris attractive tosubordinate· often ine1ectivea!!roach· this methodencourages behaviorfocused to#ard!leasing su!ervisorrather than bestthinking

ma be satis&ed but#ith no !lan to im!rove

3ob

res!ond to this method

A##endi' 9 Five :odes o Con;ict (esolution

(ery )ssertive

*nassertive

+ompeting +ollaborating +ompromising

)voiding )ccommodating

*ncooperative .......................................................+ooperative

Com#eting3 orcing In this mode ou !ursue our o#n goals$regardless of other !erson5s A ou make &rst move to gain controland ma(imi8e chances of successA ou !rolong discussion of issuesuntil other tires and gives in% This is designed for #in lose situation-!en you mig!t use t!is strategy· #hen 6uick$ decisive action is vitalBemergencies· im!ortant issues #here un!o!ular but vital actions necessar A#hen ou kno# ou are right· against !eo!le #ho take advantage of noncom!etitive behavior

Accommodating In this mode ou o1er to handle !roblem an#a other !erson #antsA ou go along #ith #hatever the other!erson re6uests-!en you mig!t use t!is strategy· #hen ou &nd ou are #rongBto allo# a better !osition to be heard$to learn$ to sho# our reasonableness

· #hen issues are more im!ortant to others than to ouBto satisfothers and maintain coo!eration



· to build social credits for later issuesA #hen harmon im!ortant· to minimi8e loss #hen ou are outmatched and losing· to allo# subordinates to develo! b learning from mistakes

Avoiding : in this mode ou do#n!la seriousness of the !roblemAou tell the other !erson the !roblem doesn5t bother ou ande(!lain there is no !oint is tr ing to resolve a con4ict bet#een t#osuch basicall di1erent !eo!le and !ositions-!en you mig!t use t!is strategy· #hen an issue is trivial$ tangential$ or s m!tomatic· #hen ou !erceive no chance of satisf ing our concerns· #hen !otential disru!tion out#eighs the bene&ts of resolution· to let !eo!le cool do#n and regain !ers!ective· #hen gathering information su!ersedes immediate decisions· #hen others can resolve the con4ict more e1ectivel

Com#romising : In this mode ou !oint out to the other !ersonthat if ou both #ill make a fe# concessions$ the con4ict can beresolvedA !oint out that if the disagreement is to be resolved$ somesacri&ces must be made b both of ou-!en you mig!t use t!is strategy· #hen goals are im!ortant but not #orth e1ort or !otentialdisru!tion of more assertive modes· #hen o!!onents #ith e6ual !o#er are committed to mutualle(clusive goals· to achieve tem!orar settlements to com!le( issuesA to arrive at

e(!edient solutions under time !ressures· as a backu! #hen collaboration or com!etition is unsuccessful

Collaborating tr to sort out #here each of ou stands andidentif o!tions available to meet both !arties5 needsA ou suggestou take our ideas and other !erson5s ideas and !ut them togetherto make an even more #orkable ideaA e(!ress our concern for thedi1erences bet#een ou and let the other !erson kno# ou #ant aresolution #hich satis&es both-!en you mig!t use t!is strategy· to &nd an integrative solution #hen both sets of concerns are tooim!ortant to be com!romised· #hen our ob3ective is to learnA· to merge insights from !eo!le #ith di1erent !ers!ectives· to gain commitment b incor!orating concerns into a consensus· to #ork through feelings #hich have interfered #ith a relationshi!

A##endi' < A c!ecklist or evaluating your eedback efectiveness



)efore engaging in a feedback session$ it might be hel!ful to ans#erthese 6uestions

• #hat is our !ur!ose in giving the feedback • #hat s!eci&c actions do ou #ant to reinforce or correct

What are the conse6uences of the action • #hat suggestions might be hel!ful • What !itfalls might occur during this intervie# • +o# do ou !lan to overcome the !itfalls

"fter the intervie# ou might address these issues

• did the feedback accom!lish our !ur!oses • #hat s!eci&call did ou do • #hat s!eci&call #ere his her reactions and our reactions

did ou follo# the !rinci!les of su!!ortive communication • #here did ou fall short • ho# #ell did ou focus on the situation$ issue$ behavior and

not the !erson • ho# #ell did ou maintain the selfBesteem of the other • ho# #ell did ou lead b e(am!le

Jeference: +ill$ Linda$ @)uilding D1ective 'neBonB'ne Work Jelationshi!s$@+arvard )usiness School Technical Notes$ -BE-<B M$ ,--.%

effective communication feedback & listening

Documents