Editing the Persuasive Essay

Created Spring 2014

The Model ClaimDiscrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA, attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to 12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart (Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a woman is truly unfair.

The ClaimDiscrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA, attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to 12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart (Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a woman is truly unfair.

Integrating EvidenceDiscrimination against women can lead to discrimination in the workplace. The Center for American Progress has used statistics to find out that women who work full-time year-round earn only 77% of what a man does (Cooper 1). One might assume that college degrees may ensure someone to have equal pay as their equally qualified peers, but according to the American Association of Universities, women begin their careers earning 5% less than their male peers even if they had the same GPA, attended the same schools, were hired for the same job, and had the same marital status and amount of children (Cooper 1). This may seem like a small difference but after 10 years on the job, the wage gap expands to 12% even if the woman works the same amount as her male counterpart (Cooper 1). In the long run, the fact that a man makes more than a woman is truly unfair.

More Integrating Evidence

In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein 1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually only nine women competing.

Citing Authors

In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein 1). ... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually only nine women competing.

Citing Articles (No Author)

Three out of four adopted children are read to or sang to every night in comparison to only half of biological children who receive the same attention from their parent ("American Adoptions -- America's Adoption Agency” 1).

Explaining EvidenceGender inequality in sports has been an issue for many years now. Women have been portrayed as weak and have been told to stay home. In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein 1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually only nine women competing. Many psychologists are now graphing the possibility of women even outrunning men in the future. Although it’s well known that discrimination between genders was a big problem in the past, one might think that it would have at least diminished in today’s world. Sadly, during this past year’s winter Olympics, the Russian men’s ski jump coach, Alexander Arefyev told a newspaper, “I’m not a fan of women’s ski jumping; it’s a pretty difficult sport with a high risk of injury. If a man gets a serious injury, it’s not fatal, but for women it could end much more seriously. Women have another purpose– to have children to do housework, to create hearth and home” (Epstein 1). Even in the year 2014, despite a progressive society, leaders in sports are still publically making sexist comments.

Incorporating TransitionsGender inequality in sports has been an issue for many years now.

Women have been portrayed as weak and have been told to stay home. In 1928, after the Amsterdam Summer Games, “all women’s events longer than 200 meters were eliminated” (Epstein 1). News reports described the scene at the finish of the women’s 800-meter race that year as awful. A New York Evening Post reporter chronicled this scene, writing that it composed of 11 “wretched women” and that five “dropped out before the finish, while five collapsed after reaching the tape” (Epstein 1)... It was later found out that none of the women dropped out; in fact, three of them bested the previous world record, and there were actually only nine women competing. Many psychologists are now graphing the possibility of women even outrunning men in the future. Although it’s well known that discrimination between genders was a big problem in the past, one might think that it would have at least diminished in today’s world. Sadly, during this past year’s winter Olympics, the Russian men’s ski jump coach, Alexander Arefyev told a newspaper, “I’m not a fan of women’s ski jumping; it’s a pretty difficult sport with a high risk of injury. If a man gets a serious injury, it’s not fatal, but for women it could end much more seriously. Women have another purpose– to have children to do housework, to create hearth and home” (Epstein 1). Even in the year 2014, despite a progressive society, leaders in sports are still publically making sexist comments.

The Model Counter-Claim

Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore, these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness” Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.

Supplying Logic for the Counter-Claim

Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore, these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness” Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.

Rebuttal in the Counter-ClaimMany believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore, these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness” Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.

Making Distinctions in the Counter-Claim

Many believe that the wage gap is not necessarily the result of discrimination. They say there are other reasons like difference in education, experience, and job tenure (Sommers 1). When these factors are included, the wage gap greatly diminishes. However, while these variables do, indeed, narrow the wage gap, there is still a discernible wage gap. A study found that women are more likely than men to leave the workforce to take care of children or older parents and also tend to value more family-friendly policies. Furthermore, these women will often accept lower pay in exchange for better benefits (Sommers 1). While supporters of the “Paycheck Fairness” Bill admit that the wage gap can be explained by women’s choices with regards to family, these supporters believe that women’s choices are swayed by sexist stereotypes and social pressures (Sommers 1). If we can eliminate these stereotypes and pressures, maybe we can also diminish and later eliminate the wage gap.

Mandatory ElementsRhetorical & Syntactical Elements: We have studied several rhetorical strategies including the ones below. Select at least 4 besides Rhetorical Question to build into your speech. Label these in your Final.

Alliteration

Imagery

Inverted Syntax

Parallel Structure/Syntax

Repetition

Rhetorical Question*

Sentence Types: Choose from Interrogative, Declarative, Imperative, or Exclamatory

Tricolon

Mandatory Elements

Grammar: We have studied several grammatical structures including the ones below. Select at least 3 to build into your speech. Label in your Final Draft.

Appositive Phrases

Introductory/ Transitional Phrases*: For example, However, etc.

Prepositional Phrases

Participle

Participial Phrases

Parallel Structure