editing and revising your essay

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EDITING AND REVISING YOUR ESSAY Dead Words, Transitions and Comma Splices

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Editing and Revising your Essay. Dead Words, Transitions and Comma Splices. Eliminating Dead Words. The following Dead Words need to be eliminated from your writing : HIGHLIGHT or CIRCLE them so you know you have to replace the word You, your, yours I, our, ours, ourselves, we - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

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Page 1: Editing and Revising your Essay

EDITING AND REVISING YOUR ESSAY

Dead Words, Transitions and Comma Splices

Page 2: Editing and Revising your Essay

Eliminating Dead Words The following Dead Words need to be

eliminated from your writing: HIGHLIGHT or CIRCLE them so you know you have to replace the word You, your, yours I, our, ours, ourselves, we Thing, everything, anything, something Good, bad Really Very Get, getting, got All contractions (doesn’t, can’t, etc.)

Page 3: Editing and Revising your Essay

Transitions-The Layout Paragraph 1 (Intro) no transitions Paragraph 2

T S (a transition could introduce your example) E (could use a transition to link your explanations) T (a transition is required because this sentence

should tell the reader what the next paragraph is going to be about)

Paragraph 3 S (a transition could introduce your example) E (could use a transition to link your explanations) T (a transition is required because this sentence

should tell the reader what the next paragraph is going to be about)

Page 4: Editing and Revising your Essay

Transitions-The Layout Paragraph 4:

T S (a transition could introduce your example) E (could use a transition to link your

explanations) T (this sentence should wrap up the paragraph-

could say something like “Clearly…”) Paragraph 5: (Conclusion)

R (Use a transition to introduce your conclusion) A (use a transition to connect the ideas in this

sentence from the ones in the previous sentence) P (What lesson does the poem teach?)

Page 5: Editing and Revising your Essay

Comma Splice A comma CANNOT link 2 complete

sentence INCORRECT: My shirt is pink, Lucy’s is black. CORRECT: My shirt is pink; Lucy’s is black. CORRECT: My shirt is pink, but Lucy’s is black. CORRECT: My shirt is pink. Lucy’s is black.

Page 6: Editing and Revising your Essay

Comma SplicePlease check your paper for 2 sentence linked with a

comma and correct them!

A comma CANNOT link 2 complete sentence

INCORRECT: The bird “glanced with rapid eyes/that hurried all abroad” because he knew he was being watched, the speaker had startled him.

CORRECT: The bird “glanced with rapid eyes/that hurried all abroad” because he knew he was being watched; the speaker had startled him.

CORRECT: The bird “glanced with rapid eyes/that hurried all abroad” because he knew he was being watched since the speaker had startled him.

CORRECT: The bird “glanced with rapid eyes/that hurried all abroad” because he knew he was being watched. The speaker had startled him.

Page 7: Editing and Revising your Essay

Formatting All paragraphs should be indented on the

first line. Use double spacing throughout the essay. Use 12pt Times New Roman or Ariel font. Set your margins for 1 inch on all sides. Do not put extra spaces between

paragraphs. Use a cover page. Print your name, date,

period, and a title. DO NOT put your name anywhere except the title page.

Page 8: Editing and Revising your Essay

Examples: Incorrect: Regardless of who you are, adolescence is a difficult time period because

teenagers constantly feel pressured to fit in and be accepted. Case in point, in Pat Mora’s poem “Same Song,” a sixteen year old boy and twelve year old girl feel pressured to fit a certain image but are continually unhappy by their inability to meet that standard. The daughter meticulously applies makeup and curls her hair while her brother unceasingly works out all in an attempt to improve their looks. In the poem, Mora uses an array of vivid imagery to develop the theme that young people are often pressured by society to fit a certain image.

In the first stanza, Mora uses imagery to show how her daughter unsuccessfully tries to fit society’s definition of beauty. Her daughter “peers into that mirror, mirror on the wall,” looking for approval and recognition that she is attractive. Instead, the only response she receives is, “not fair.” Mora’s daughter allows an outside force, the mirror (society), to tell her whether she is worthy rather than to make her own judgment. The rejection she feels can contribute to feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and a negative body image that can follow her throughout the rest of her life. Mora’s impressionable and naïve daughter does not realize that she is trying to conform to an unobtainable measure of beauty that will only lead to disappointment and sadness. Furthermore, imagery in the second stanza supports the idea that her son also struggles with body image.

Page 9: Editing and Revising your Essay

Examples: Incorrect:

Regardless of who you are, adolescence is a difficult time period because teenagers constantly feel pressured to fit in and be accepted. Case in point, in Pat Mora’s poem “Same Song,” a sixteen year old boy and twelve year old girl feel pressured to fit a certain image but are continually unhappy by their inability to meet that standard. The daughter meticulously applies makeup and curls her hair while her brother unceasingly works out all in an attempt to improve their looks. In the poem, Mora uses an array of vivid imagery to develop the theme that young people are often pressured by society to fit a certain image.

In the first stanza, Mora uses imagery to show how her daughter unsuccessfully tries to fit society’s definition of beauty. Her daughter “peers into that mirror, mirror on the wall,” looking for approval and recognition that she is attractive. Instead, the only response she receives is, “not fair.” Mora’s daughter allows an outside force, the mirror (society), to tell her whether she is worthy rather than to make her own judgment. The rejection she feels can contribute to feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and a negative body image that can follow her throughout the rest of her life. Mora’s impressionable and naïve daughter does not realize that she is trying to conform to an unobtainable measure of beauty that will only lead to disappointment and sadness. Furthermore, imagery in the second stanza supports the idea that her son also struggles with body image.

Page 10: Editing and Revising your Essay

Examples: Correct:

Regardless of who you are, adolescence is a difficult time period because teenagers constantly feel pressureto fit in and be accepted. Case in point, in Pat Mora’s poem “Same Song,” a sixteen year old boy and twelve year old girl feel pressured to fit a certain image but are continually unhappy by their inability to meet that standard. The daughter meticulously applies makeup and curls her hair while her brother unceasingly works out all in an attempt to improve their looks. In the poem, Mora uses an array of vivid imagery to develop the theme that young people are often pressured by society to fit a certain image.

In the first stanza, Mora uses imagery to show how her daughter unsuccessfully tries to fit society’s definition of beauty. Her daughter “peers into that mirror, mirror on the wall,” looking for approval and recognition that she is attractive. Instead, the only response she receives is, “not fair.” Mora’s daughter allows an outside force, the mirror (society), to tell her whether she is worthy rather than to make her own judgment. The rejection she feels can contribute to feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and a negative body image that can follow her throughout the rest of her life. Mora’s impressionable and naïve daughter does not realize that she is trying to conform to an unobtainable measure of beauty that will only lead to disappointment and sadness. Furthermore, imagery in the second stanza supports the idea that her son also struggles with body image.