What’s Your Anger Style?
Positive Things about Anger
Anger is an energizer: Motivates us to take action/defend
ourselves Provides stamina (stick with it!) when
the task is difficult Supplies energy for the struggle Converting anger into energy allows us
to take charge and to work toward what we want.
Can give a feeling of control.
Anger helps express tension and communicates negative feelings. If done in a productive way it helps resolve conflict in relationships.
Anger gives us information:
About people and situations It's a signal that it's time to deal
with a problem It tells us when something is wrong,
frustrating, threatening or annoying
Negative Things about Anger
Anger interferes with clear thinking!! Often causes us to act on impulse
Anger sometimes is used to protect our pride, cover embarrassment or hurt.
• It seems easier to be angry than be anxious• Anger used like this prevents us from seeing
our feelings and facing ourselves
Anger can start or lead to aggression
Anger can give negative impressions to others
If much of anger is unjustified, it may be dangerous to your health
Modeling
Watching another person, and copying what they do
We model after:• parents, • siblings, • people in the media, • people we admire • anyone with which we spend time.
The anger actions may be positive or negative
Take out the yellow sheet
As a Group:– Determine which style of learning the
anger action is in place.– Use the key to indicate the correct answer
Take out the Modeling and Operant Learning Signs Hold up the sign for what your group
decided was the best answer
Take out the “Anger…It’s All About You”
Individually, complete the sheet. You will use the J U S E D later in the
lesson Answer the questions at the bottom
Looking at section B…
What are some of the physical signs?
Looking at section C
What are some anger actions you have observed?
Justified Anger…
You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions:
– Was it done intentionally?– Would most other people be angry in this
same situation?– Does it do you any good to be angry?
If you can answer "yes" to all three of these questions, it is justified anger, and deserves your attention.
If you can't….then the anger is unjustified, and not worth the time and effort.
Take out the Blue sheet
Have a person read the situations Determine if the situations would cause
justified or unjustified anger.
REMEMBER…
You must be able to answer "yes" to all of these questions:
– Was it done intentionally?– Would most other people be angry in this same
situation?– Does it do you any good to be angry?
Take out the Justified and Unjustified signs Hold up the sign for what your group
decided was the best answer
Find your “Anger - It’s all about You” sheet.
Reading each situation, determine if it was justified or unjustified anger and circle the J or the U.
ANGER STYLES!!
DIRECT / ASSERTIVE
A POSITIVE anger style
Directing and being Assertive is only appropriate if the anger is justified.
It is important to remember that you can't control what the other person thinks or does but you might help the situation.
People who direct anger and are assertive:Feel more intimate and close in
their relationshipsCommunicate betterGet their message acrossAre more likely to be heard.Generally feel they have made
contract in a personal way.
Characteristics of a directing situation: Voice level is not too loud. Uses good eye contact Avoids works like:
– Always, Never, Ought to, Should, You
Uses "I" messages that center on feelings Delivered at a time when the statement is
likely to be heard States the message in such a way that
the other person is less likely to become defensive.
The things included in directing / assertive statements are:
What the person did that caused the anger.
The feelings The impact (what it does to your
life) What you would like them to do or
change.
Example:
"It worries me when I don't get a phone call and we
aren't going to leave when expected. Could you let me know when you are running
late?"
Stuffing - Passive Behavior A negative anger style Moves away from confronting the person
or situation Holds anger inside, trying not to show it Denies that they are angry Often says things that deny their feelings
as important Don't have to deal with the
consequences of confrontation, reinforces the stuffing/passive behavior.
Common reasons for Stuffing - Passive Behavior
Fear of hurting the other person Think it is inappropriate to be angry Think they shouldn't be angry with
that person Fear of being rejected Not able to cope with the emotional
impact of interpersonal conflict.
Stuffing - Passive Behavior is negative because: Stuffed anger does not get rid of the
problem Relationships suffer if one or both of the
people are stuffers Stuffing gets in the way of closeness and
intimacy Stuffed anger is expressed anyhow
– It's disguised as sarcasm– Intentionally forgets to do something for the person at a
later date.– Holding back love– Avoiding the person in the future
Stuffed anger can have harmful health effects:
•Ulcers•Migraine headaches•Overeating•Under-eating•Depression
Examples
"I love this person….I shouldn't be angry?"
"If I let them know I'm angry they will not love me anymore." "Angry?…No. I'm OK…I'm not
really angry." "They really don't mean to hurt
me.”
Escalating - Aggressive Behavior A negative anger style Escalators begin their sentences with
the word "you" in an accusing way. They blame other people for their anger Use name calling Escalators make the situations worse.
May rant and rave or use accusatory questions
Use "hard" words like: always, never, should, etc.
Tell other people what they should or shouldn't do.
Reasons for Escalating - Aggressive Behavior
To gain control of the other person
To get their wayTo cover up low self esteemFor power
Negatives Escalating - Aggressive Behavior
Intense anger destroys relationships May bring violence to relationships May "get their way" in the short run, but
usually the other person will get back at them somehow!
Intense anger makes a person prone to high stress
Examples:
"Why did you do that?" "I can't believe you did that…what were
you thinking!?? "You make me sooooo mad!"
"You are such a loser." "Only a stupid person like you would do
something like that!" "You never listen."
"You're always late."
Take out the
“Styles of Anger Chart”Complete using the directions at
the top.
Take out the 2 white sheets: Color It ! & the colored pencils Following the directions, use the colored
pencils and indicate the three anger styles:
–Assertive/Directing
–Passive/Stuffing
–Aggressive/Escalating
Take out the Instruction Papers
Place in your notebook.
BEING ASSERTIVE…
Not Passive
Not Manipulating
Not Aggressive
Assertive - A Positive Communication Style Asking for what you want directly Giving people an honest “no” to things
you don’t want Not using people Not letting yourself be used either I’m OK & You’re OK A Win Win situation
Aggressive - A NEGATIVE style
Taking what you want Threatening or forcing Saying “no” in a way that puts the other
person down Pushes people away or makes them afraid May violate the other person’s rights I’m OK - You’re a loser (I win - You Lose)
Passiveness - A negative style
Not speaking up when you’d like something
Giving in and saying “yes” when you don’t really want to
Does this to be liked or to not hurt the other person’s feelings
You’re OK - I’m Not OK (You win - I Lose)
Manipulation
Can be used if the relationship isn’t important.
Getting what you want in a dishonest way
Doing something so they’ll give you what you want
“I’m tricky, you need to be fooled” Often considered passive/aggressive
Find the 5 laminate strips
There is a situation cards (1-8) and four reaction cards
Distribute the cards to the group. The person with the situation card reads it to
the group. Each reaction strip and decide which type is
represented. AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, MANIPULATION & ASSERTIVE
One group at a time:
When indicated…each group will come up and stand beneath the sign for the communication type.
One person will read the situation, the group will read in order from worst to best…
AggressiveAssertive
