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Title:TheBestAmericanHumorousShortStories

Author:Various

ReleaseDate:February5,2004[EBook#10947]

Language:English

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THEBESTAMERICANHUMOROUSSHORTSTORIES

_Editedby_ALEXANDERJESSUP,_Editorof"RepresentativeAmericanShortStories,""TheBookoftheShortStory,"the"LittleFrenchMasterpieces"Series,etc._

INTRODUCTION

Thisvolumedoesnotaimtocontainall"thebestAmericanhumorousshortstories";therearemanyotherstoriesequallyasgood,Isuppose,inmuchthesamevein,scatteredthroughtherangeofAmericanliterature.Ihavetriedtokeepacertainunityofaimandimpressioninselectingthesestories.InthefirstplaceIdeterminedthatthepiecesofbrieffictionwhichIincludedmustfirstofallbenotmerelygoodstories,butgoodshortstories.IputmyselfinthepositionofonewhowasabouttoselectthebestshortstoriesinthewholerangeofAmericanliterature,[1]butwho,justbeforehestartedtodothis,wasnotifiedthathemustrefrainfromselectinganyofthebestAmericanshortstoriesthatdidnotcontaintheelementofhumortoamarkeddegree.ButIhavekeptinmindthewideboundariesofthetermhumor,andalsothefactthatthehumorousstandardshouldbekeptsecondalthoughaclosesecondtotheshortstorystandard.

Inviewofthenecessarylimitationsastothevolume'ssize,IcouldnothopetorepresentallperiodsofAmericanliteratureadequately,norwasthisnecessaryinordertogiveexamplesofthebestthathasbeendoneintheshortstoryinahumorousveininAmericanliterature.Probablyalltypesoftheshortstoryofhumorareincludedhere,atanyrate.NotonlycopyrightrestrictionsbutinameasuremyownopinionhavecombinedtoexcludeanythingbyJoelChandlerHarris_UncleRemus_fromthecollection.Harrisisprimarilyinhisbestworkahumorist,andonlysecondarilyashortstorywriter.Asahumoristheisofthefirstrank;asawriterofshortstorieshisplaceishardlysohigh.Hishumorisnotmere



funninessanddiversion;heisahumoristinthefundamentalandlargesense,asareCervantes,Rabelais,andMarkTwain.

Nobookisdullerthanabookofjokes,forwhatisrefreshinginsmalldosesbecomesnauseatingwhenperusedinlargeassignments.Humorinliteratureisatitsbestnotwhenservedmerelybyitselfbutwhenpresentedalongwithotheringredientsofliteraryforceinordertogiveawiderepresentationoflife.Therefore"professionalliteraryhumorists,"astheymaybecalled,havenotbeenmuchconsideredinmakingupthiscollection.InthehistoryofAmericanhumortherearethreenameswhichstandoutmoreprominentlythanallothersbeforeMarkTwain,who,however,alsobelongstoawiderclassification:"JoshBillings"(HenryWheelerShaw,18151885),"PetroleumV.Nasby"(DavidRossLocke,18331888),and"ArtemusWard"(CharlesFarrarBrowne,18341867).InthehistoryofAmericanhumorthesenamesrankhigh;inthefieldofAmericanliteratureandtheAmericanshortstorytheydonotranksohigh.Ihavefoundnothingoftheirsthatwasfirstclassbothashumorandasshortstory.PerhapsjustbelowthesethreeshouldbementionedGeorgeHoratioDerby(18231861),authorof_Phoenixiana_(1855)andthe_SquibobPapers_(1859),whowroteunderthename"JohnPhoenix."Ashasbeenjustlysaid,"Derby,Shaw,LockeandBrownecarriedtoanextremenumeroustricksalreadyinventedbyearlierAmericanhumorists,particularlythetricksofgiganticexaggerationandcalmfacedmendacity,buttheyareplainlyinthemainchannelofAmericanhumor,whichhaditsorigininthefirstcommentsofsettlersupontheconditionsofthefrontier,longdrewitsprincipalinspirationfromthedifferencesbetweenthatfrontierandthemoresettledandcompactregionsofthecountry,andreacheditshighestdevelopmentinMarkTwain,inhisyouthachildoftheAmericanfrontier,admirerandimitatorofDerbyandBrowne,andeventuallyamanoftheworldandoneofitsgreatesthumorists."[2]Norhavesuchlaterwriterswhowereessentiallyhumoristsas"BillNye"(EdgarWilsonNye,18501896)beenconsidered,becausetheirworkdoesnotattaintheliterarystandardandtheshortstorystandardascreditablyasitdoesthehumorousone.Whenwecometothecloseofthenineteenthcenturytheworkofsuchmenas"Mr.Dooley"(FinleyPeterDunne,1867)andGeorgeAde(1866)standsout.Butwhilethesetwowriterssuccessfullyconformtotheexactingcriticalrequirementsofgoodhumorandespeciallytheformerofgoodliterature,neitherthoughAdemoresoattainstothegreatestexcellenceoftheshortstory.Mr.DooleyoftheArcheyRoadisessentiallyawholesomeandwidepoisedhumorousphilosopher,andtheauthorof_FablesinSlang_ischieflyasatirist,whetherinfable,playorwhatnot.

ThisvolumemightwellhavestartedwithsomethingbyWashingtonIrving,Isupposemanycriticswouldsay.Itdoesnotseemtome,however,thatIrving'sbestshortstories,suchas_TheLegendofSleepyHollow_and_RipVanWinkle_,areessentiallyhumorousstories,althoughtheyareo'erspreadwiththegeniallightofreminiscence.Itisthearmchairgenialityoftheeighteenthcenturyessayists,aconstituentoftheauthorratherthanofhismaterialandproduct.Irving'sbesthumorouscreations,indeed,arescarcelyshortstoriesatall,butratheressaylikesketches,orsketchlikeessays.JamesLawson(17991880)inhis_TalesandSketches:byaCosmopolite_(1830),notablyin_TheDapperGentleman'sStory_,isalsoplainlyafollowerofIrving.WecometoadifferentveinintheworkofsuchwritersasWilliamTappanThompson(18121882),authoroftheamusingstoriesinletterform,_MajorJones'sCourtship_(1840);JohnsonJonesHooper(18151862),authorof_WidowRugby'sHusband,andOtherTalesofAlabama_(1851);JosephG.Baldwin(18151864),whowrote_TheFlushTimesofAlabamaandMississippi_(1853);andAugustusBaldwinLongstreet(17901870),whose_GeorgiaScenes_(1835)areasimportantin"localcolor"astheyareracyinhumor.Yetnoneofthesewritersyieldtheexcellentshortstorywhichisalsoagood



pieceofhumorousliterature.Buttheyopenedthewayfortheworkoflaterwriterswhodidattainthesecombinedexcellences.

ThesentimentalveinofthemidcenturyisseenintheworkofSebaSmith(17921868),ElizaLeslie(17871858),FrancesMiriamWhitcher("WidowBedott,"18111852),MaryW.Janvrin(18301870),andAliceBradleyHavenNeal(18281863).ThewellknownworkofJosephClayNeal(18071847)issoallpervadedwithcaricatureandhumorthatitbelongswiththeworkoftheprofessionalhumoristschoolratherthanwiththeshortstorywriters.Tomentionhis_CharcoalSketches,orScenesinaMetropolis_(18371849)mustsuffice.TheworkofSebaSmithissufficientlyexpressedinhistitle,_WayDownEast,orPortraituresofYankeeLife_(1854),althoughhis_LettersofMajorJackDowning_(1833)isbetterknown.Ofhissinglestoriesmaybementioned_TheGeneralCourtandJaneAndrews'FirkinofButter_(October,1847,_Graham'sMagazine_).TheworkofFrancesMiriamWhitcher("WidowBedott")isofsomewhatfinergrain,bothashumorandinotherliteraryqualities.Herstoriesorsketches,suchas_AuntMagwire'sAccountofParsonScrantum'sDonationParty_(March,1848,_Godey'sLady'sBook_)and_AuntMagwire'sAccountoftheMissiontoMuffletegawmy_(July,1859,_Godey's_),wereafterwardscollectedin_TheWidowBedottPapers_(18555680).ThescopeoftheworkofMaryB.Havenissufficientlysuggestedbyherstory,_Mrs.Bowen'sParlorandSpareBedroom_(February,1860,_Godey's_),whilethebeststoriesofMaryW.Janvrininclude_TheForeignCount;or,HighArtinTattletown_(October,1860,_Godey's_)and_CityRelations;or,theNewmans'SummeratClovernook_(November,1861,_Godey's_).TheworkofAliceBradleyHavenNealisofsomewhatsimilartexture.Herbook,_TheGossipsofRivertown,withSketchesinProseandVerse_(1850)indicatesherfield,asdoesthesingletitle,_TheThirdClassHotel_(December,1861,_Godey's_).PerhapsthemostrepresentativefigureofthisschoolisElizaLeslie(17871858),whoas"MissLeslie"wasoneofthemostfrequentcontributorstothemagazinesofthe1830's,1840'sand1850's.Oneofherbeststoriesis_TheWatkinsonEvening_(December,1846,_Godey'sLady'sBook_),includedinthepresentvolume;othersare_TheBatsonCottage_(November,1846,_Godey'sLady'sBook_)and_JulietIrwin;or,theCarriagePeople_(June,1847,_Godey'sLady'sBook_).Oneofherchiefcollectionsofstoriesis_PencilSketches_(18331837)."MissLeslie,"wroteEdgarAllanPoe,"iscelebratedforthehomelynaturalnessofherstoriesandforthebroadsatireofhercomicstyle."Shewastheeditorof_TheGift_oneofthebestannualsofthetime,andinthatpositionperhapsexertedherchiefinfluenceonAmericanliteratureWhenonehasreadthreeorfourrepresentativestoriesbythesesevenauthorsonecangraspthemall.Theirtitlesasarulestrikethekeynote.Thesewriters,except"theWidowBedott,"areperhapssentimentalistsratherthanhumoristsinintention,butreadinthelightoflaterdaystheirapparentseriousdelineationsofthefrolicsandfoiblesoftheirtimetakeonahighlyhumorousaspect.

GeorgePopeMorris(18021864)wasoneofthefoundersof_TheNewYorkMirror_,andforatimeitseditor.Heisbestknownastheauthorofthepoem,_Woodman,SpareThatTree_,andotherpoemsandsongs._TheLittleFrenchmanandHisWaterLots_(1839),thefirststoryinthepresentvolume,isselectednotbecauseMorriswasespeciallyprominentinthefieldoftheshortstoryorhumorousprosebutbecauseofthissinglestory'srepresentativecharacter.EdgarAllanPoe(18091849)followswith_TheAngeloftheOdd_(October,1844,_ColumbianMagazine_),perhapsthebestofhishumorousstories._TheSystemofDr.TarrandProf.Fether_(November,1845,_Graham'sMagazine_)mayberatedhigher,butitisnotessentiallyahumorousstory.Ratheritisincisivesatire,withtoobitinganundercurrenttopassmusterinthecompanyofthegenialinliterature.Poe'shumorousstoriesasawholehavetendedtobelittleratherthan



increasehisfame,manyofthemvergingontheinane.Therearesome,however,whichareatleastexcellentfooling;fewmorethanthat.

ProbablythisishardlytheplaceforanextendeddiscussionofPoe,sincethepresentvolumecoversneitherAmericanliteratureasawholenortheAmericanshortstoryingeneral,andPoeisnotahumoristinhismorenotableproductions.LetitbesaidthatPoeinventedorperfectedmoreexactly,perfectedhisowninventionofthemodernshortstory;thatishisgeneralandsupremeachievement.Healsostandssuperlativeforthequalityofthreevarietiesofshortstories,thoseofterror,beautyandratiocination.Inthefirstclassbelong_ADescentintotheMaelstrom_(1841),_ThePitandthePendulum_(1842),_TheBlackCat_(1843),and_TheCaskofAmontillado_(1846).Intherealmofbeautyhisnotableproductionsare_TheAssignation_(1834),_Shadow:aParable_(1835),_Ligeia_(1838),_TheFalloftheHouseofUsher_(1839),_Eleonora_(1841),and_TheMasqueoftheRedDeath_(1842).Thetalesofratiocinationwhatarenowgenerallytermeddetectivestoriesinclude_TheMurdersintheRueMorgue_(1841)anditssequel,_TheMysteryofMarieRoget_(18421843),_TheGoldBug_(1843),_TheOblongBox_(1844),_"ThouArttheMan"_(1844),and_ThePurloinedLetter_(1844).

Then,too,Poewasamasterofstyle,oneofthegreatestinEnglishprose,possiblythegreatestsinceDeQuincey,andquitethemostremarkableamongAmericanauthors.Poe'sinfluenceontheshortstoryformhasbeentremendous.Althoughthe_effects_ofstructuremaybeastoundingintheirpowerorunexpectedness,yetthe_means_bywhichtheseeffectsarebroughtaboutarepurelymechanical.Anystudentoffictioncancomprehendthem,almostanypractitioneroffictionwithabenttowardformcanfairlymasterthem.Themeritofanyshortstoryproductiondependsonmanyotherelementsaswellthevalueofthestructuralelementtotheproductionasawholedependsfirstontheselectionoftheparticularsortofstructuralschemebestsuitedtothestoryinhand,andsecondly,onthewayinwhichthisis_combined_withthepieceofwritingtoformawellbalancedwhole.Styleismoredifficulttoimitatethanstructure,butontheotherhand_theoriginofstructuralinfluence_ismoredifficulttotracethanthatofstyle.Sowhile,inageneralway,wefeelthatPoe'sinfluenceonstructureintheshortstoryhasbeengreat,itisdifficultratherthanobvioustotraceparticularinstances.Itisfeltintheadvanceofthegenerallevelofshortstoryart.Thereisnothingpersonalaboutstructurethereiseverythingpersonalaboutstyle.Poe'sstyleisbothtoomuchhisownandtoosuperlativelygoodtobesuccessfullyimitatedwhomhavewehadwho,evenifhewereamasterofstructuraleffects,couldbeasecondPoe?Lookingatthematterinanotherway,Poe'sstyleisnothisownatall.Thereisnothing"personal"aboutitinthepettysenseofthatterm.Ratherwefeelthat,inthecaseofthisauthor,universalityhasbeenattained.ItwasPoe'sgoodfortunetobehimselfinstyle,asoftenincontent,onaplaneofuniversalappeal.Butinsomegeneralcharacteristicsofhisstylehisworkcanbe,notperhapsimitated,butemulated.Greatervividness,deftimpressionism,brevitythatstrikesinstantlytoatellingeffectalltheseanauthormayhavewithoutimitatinganyone'sstylebutratherimitatingexcellence.Poe's"imitators"whohaveamountedtoanythinghavenottriedtoimitatehimbuttoviewithhim.Theyarestrivingafterperfectionism.OfcoursethesortofgoodstyleinwhichPoeindulgedisnotthekindofstyleorthevarietiesofstylesuitedforallpurposes,butforthepurposestowhichitisadapteditmaywellbecalledsupreme.

Thenasapoethisworkisalmostorquiteasexcellentinasomewhatmorerestrictedrange.InverseheisprobablythebestartistinAmericanletters.Herehissolepursuitwasbeauty,bothofformandthought;heisvividandapt,intenselylyricalbutwithoutmuchrange



ofthought.Hehasdeepintuitionsbutnocomprehensivegraspoflife.

Hiscriticismis,onthewhole,theleastimportantpartofhiswork.Hehadafewgoodandbrilliantideaswhichcameatjusttherighttimetomakeastirintheworld,andthesehislogicalmindandtellingstyleenabledhimtopresenttothebestadvantage.Asacriticheisneitherbroadminded,learned,norcomprehensive.Norishe,exceptinthefewideasreferredto,deep.Heis,however,limitedlyoriginalperhapsintenselyoriginalwithinhisnarrowscope.ButtheexcellencesandlimitationsofPoeinanyonepartofhisworkwerehislimitationsandexcellencesinall.

AsPoe'sbestshortstoriesmaybementioned:_Metzengerstein_(Jan.14,1832,Philadelphia_SaturdayCourier_),_Ms.FoundinaBottle_(October19,1833,_BaltimoreSaturdayVisiter_),_TheAssignation_(January,1834,_Godey'sLady'sBook_),_Berenice_(March,1835,_SouthernLiteraryMessenger_),_Morella_(April,1835,_SouthernLiteraryMessenger_),_TheUnparalleledAdventureofOneHansPfaall_(June,1835,_SouthernLiteraryMessenger_),_KingPest:aTaleContaininganAllegory_(September,1835,_SouthernLiteraryMessenger_),_Shadow:aParable_(September,1835,_SouthernLiteraryMessenger_),_Ligeia_(September,1838,_AmericanMuseum_),_TheFalloftheHouseofUsher_(September,1839,_Burton'sGentleman'sMagazine_),_WilliamWilson_(1839:_Giftfor_1840),_TheConversationofEirosandCharmion_(December,1839,_Burton'sGentleman'sMagazine_),_TheMurdersintheRueMorgue_(April,1841,_Graham'sMagazine_),_ADescentintotheMaelstrom_(May,1841,_Graham'sMagazine_),_Eleonora_(1841:_Gift_for1842),_TheMasqueoftheRedDeath_(May,1842,_Graham'sMagazine_),_ThePitandthePendulum_(1842:_Giftfor1843_),_TheTellTaleHeart_(January,1843,_Pioneer_),_TheGoldBug_(June21and28,1843,_DollarNewspaper_),_TheBlackCat_(August19,1843,_UnitedStatesSaturdayPost_),_TheOblongBox_(September,1844,_Godey'sLady'sBook_),_TheAngeloftheOdd_(October,1844,_ColumbianMagazine_),_"ThouArttheMan"_(November,1844,_Godey'sLady'sBook_),_ThePurloinedLetter_(1844:_Gift_for1845),_TheImpofthePerverse_(July,1845,_Graham'sMagazine_),_TheSystemofDr.TarrandProf.Fether_(November,1845,_Graham'sMagazine_),_TheFactsintheCaseofM.Valdemar_(December,1845,_AmericanWhigReview_),_TheCaskofAmontillado_(November,1846,_Godey'sLady'sBook_),and_Lander'sCottage_(June9,1849,_FlagofOurUnion_).Poe'schiefcollectionsare:_TalesoftheGrotesqueandArabesque_(1840),_Tales_(1845),and_TheWorksoftheLateEdgarAllanPoe_(185056).Thesetitleshavebeendroppedfromrecenteditionsofhisworks,however,andthestoriesbroughttogetherunderthetitle_Tales_,orundersubdivisionsfurnishedbyhiseditors,suchas_TalesofRatiocination_,etc.

CarolineMatildaStansburyKirkland(18011864)wroteofthefrontierlifeoftheMiddleWestinthemidnineteenthcentury.Herprincipalcollectionofshortstoriesis_WesternClearings_(1845),fromwhich_TheSchoolmaster'sProgress_,firstpublishedin_TheGift_for1845(outin1844),istaken.Otherstoriesrepublishedinthatcollectionare_TheBallatThram'sHuddle_(April,1840,_KnickerbockerMagazine_),_RecollectionsoftheLandFever_(September,1840,_KnickerbockerMagazine_),and_TheBeeTree_(_TheGift_for1842;outin1841).Herdescriptionofthecountryschoolmaster,"apuppetcutoutofshingleandjerkedbyastring,"andthelocalcoloringeneralofthisandotherstoriesgiveheraleadingplaceamongthewritersofherperiodwhocombinedfidelityindelineatingfrontierlifewithsufficientfictionalinteresttomakeapleasingwholeofpermanentvalue.

GeorgeWilliamCurtis(18241892)gainedhischieffameasanessayist,andprobablybecamebestknownfromthedepartmentwhichhe



conducted,from1853,as_TheEditor'sEasyChair_for_Harper'sMagazine_formanyyears.Hisvolume,_PrueandI_(1856),containsmanyfictionalelements,andastoryfromit,_Titbottom'sSpectacles_,whichfirstappearedinPutnam'sMonthlyforDecember,1854,isgiveninthisvolumebecauseitisagoodhumorousshortstoryratherthanbecauseofitsauthor'sgeneraleminenceinthisfield.Otherstoriesofhisworthnotingare_TheShroudedPortrait_(in_TheKnickerbockerGallery_,1855)and_TheMillenialClub_(November,1858,_KnickerbockerMagazine_).

EdwardEverettHale(18221909)ischieflyknownastheauthoroftheshortstory,_TheManWithoutaCountry_(December,1863,_AtlanticMonthly_),buthisventureinthecomicvein,_MyDouble;andHowHeUndidMe_(September,1859,_AtlanticMonthly_),isequallyworthyofappreciation.Itwashisfirstpublishedstoryofimportance.Othernoteworthystoriesofhisare:_TheBrickMoon_(October,NovemberandDecember,1869,_AtlanticMonthly_),_LifeintheBrickMoon_(February,1870,_AtlanticMonthly_),and_Susan'sEscort_(May,1890,_Harper'sMagazine_).Hischiefvolumesofshortstoriesare:_TheManWithoutaCountry,andOtherTales_(1868);_TheBrickMoon,andOtherStories_(1873);_CrusoeinNewYork,andOtherTales_(1880);and_Susan'sEscort,andOthers_(1897).ThestoriesbyHalewhichhavemadehisfameallshowabilityofnomeanorder;buttheyarecharacterizedbyinventionandingenuityratherthanbysuffusingimagination.ThereisnotmuchhomogeneityaboutHale'swork.Almostanytwostoriesofhisreadasiftheymighthavebeenwrittenbydifferentauthors.Forthetimebeingperhapsthisisanadvantagehisstoriescharmbytheirnoveltyandindividuality.Inthelongrun,however,thisprovesratherahandicap.Trueindividuality,inliteratureasintheotherarts,consistsnotin"beingdifferent"ondifferentoccasionsindifferentworkssomuchasinbeing_samely_differentfromotherwriters;inbeing_consistently_one'sself,ratherthandiffusedlyvariousselves.Thisdoesnotlessenthevalueofparticularstories,ofcourse.ItmerelyinjuresHale'sfameasawhole.Perhapssomewillchieflyfeelnotsomuchthathisstoriesaredifferentamongthemselves,butthattheyarenotstronglyanythinganybody'sinparticular,thattheylackstrongpersonality.Thepathwaytofameisstrewnwithstrayexhibitionsoftalent.Apartfromhispurelyliteraryproductions,Halewasoneofthelargemoralforcesofhistime,through"uplift"bothinspeechandthewrittenword.

OliverWendellHolmes(18091894),oneoftheleadingwitsofAmericanliterature,isnotatallwellknownasashortstorywriter,nordidhewritemanybriefpiecesoffiction.Hisfamerestschieflyonhispoemsandonthe_BreakfastTable_books(1858186018721890)._OldIronsides_,_TheLastLeaf_,_TheChamberedNautilus_and_HomesickinHeaven_aresecureofplacesintheanthologiesofthefuture,whilehislighterversehasmadehimoneoftheleadingAmericanwritersof"familiarverse."FrederickLockerLampsonintheprefacetothefirsteditionofhis_LyraElegantiarum_(1867)declaredthatHolmeswas"perhapsthebestlivingwriterofthisspeciesofverse."Histrenchantattackon_HomeopathyandItsKindredDelusions_(1842)makesuswonderwhatwouldhavebeenhisattitudetowardsomeofthebeliefsofourownday;ChristianScience,forexample.Hemighthave"exposed"itundersomesuchtitleas_TheReligioMedicalMasquerade_,orbroughtthebatteriesofhishumortobearonitinthemannerofRobertLouisStevenson'sfable,_SomethingInIt_:"Perhapsthereisnotmuchinit,asIsupposed;butthereissomethinginitafterall.Letmebethankfulforthat."InHolmes'longworksoffiction,ElsieVenner(1861),_TheGuardianAngel_(1867)and_AMortalAntipathy_(1885),themethodisstillsomewhatthatoftheessayist.IhavefoundashortpieceoffictionbyhimintheMarch,1832,numberof_TheNewEnglandMagazine_,called_TheDebut_,signedO.W.H._TheStoryofIris_in_TheProfessoratthe



BreakfastTable_,whichranin_TheAtlantic_throughout1859,and_AVisittotheAsylumforAgedandDecayedPunsters_(January,1861,_Atlantic_)arehisonlyotherbrieffictionsofwhichIamaware.ThelastnamedhasbeengivenplaceinthepresentselectionbecauseitischaracteristicofacertaintypeandperiodofAmericanhumor,althoughitsshortstoryqualitiesarenotparticularlystrong.

SamuelLanghorneClemens(18351910),whoachievedfameas"MarkTwain,"isonlyincidentallyashortstorywriter,althoughhewrotemanyshortpiecesoffiction.Hishumorousquality,Imean,issopreponderant,thatonehardlythinksoftheform.Indeed,heisneververystronginfictionalconstruction,andofthemodernshortstoryartheevidentlykneworcaredlittle.Heisahumoristinthelargesense,asareRabelaisandCervantes,althoughheisalsoahumoristinvariousrestrictedapplicationsofthewordthatarewhollyAmerican._TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty_washisfirstpublicationofimportance,anditsawthelightintheNov.18,1865,numberof_TheSaturdayPress_.Itwasrepublishedinthecollection,_TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty,andOtherSketches_,in1867.Othersofhisbestpiecesofshortfictionare:_TheCanvasser'sTale_(December,1876,_AtlanticMonthly_),_TheL1,000,000BankNote_(January,1893,_CenturyMagazine_),_TheEsquimauMaiden'sRomance_(November,1893,_Cosmopolitan_),_TravelingwithaReformer_(December,1893,_Cosmopolitan_),_TheManThatCorruptedHadleyburg_(December,1899,_Harper's_),_ADoubleBarrelledDetectiveStory_(JanuaryandFebruary,1902,_Harper's_)_ADog'sTale_(December,1903,_Harper's_),and_Eve'sDiary_(December,1905,_Harper's_).AmongTwain'schiefcollectionsofshortstoriesare:_TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty,andOtherSketches_(1867);_TheStolenWhiteElephant_(1882),_TheL1,000,000BankNote_(1893),and_TheManThatCorruptedHadleyburg,andOtherStoriesandSketches_(1900).

HarryStillwellEdwards(1855),anativeofGeorgia,togetherwithSarahBarnwellElliott(?)andWillN.Harben(18581919)havecontinuedintheveinofthatearlierwriter,AugustusBaldwinLongstreet(17901870),authorof_GeorgiaScenes_(1835).Edwards'bestworkistobefoundinhisshortstoriesofblackandwhitelifeafterthemannerofRichardMalcolmJohnston.Hehaswrittenseveralnovels,butheisessentiallyawriterofhumannaturesketches."Heishumorousandpicturesque,"saysFredLewisPattee,"andoftenheisforamomentthemasterofpathos,buthehasaddednothingnewandnothingcommandinglydistinctive."[3]Anexceptiontothismightbemadeinfavorof_ElderBrown'sBackslide_(August,1885,_Harper's_),astoryinwhichalltheelementsaresonicelybalancedthattheresultmaywellbecalledamasterpieceofobjectivehumorandpathos.Othersofhisshortstoriesespeciallyworthyofmentionare:_TwoRunaways_(July,1886,_Century_),_SisterTodhunter'sHeart_(July,1887,_Century_),_"DeValleyan'deShadder"_(January,1888,_Century_),_AnIdylof"Sinkin'Mount'in"_(October,1888,_Century_),_TheRivalSouls_(March,1889,_Century_),_TheWoodhavenGoat_(March,1899,_Century_),and_TheShadow_(December,1906,_Century_).Hischiefcollectionsare_TwoRunaways,andOtherStories_(1889)and_HisDefense,andOtherStories_(1898).

Themostnotable,however,ofthegroupofshortstorywritersofGeorgialifeisperhapsRichardMalcolmJohnston(18221898).HestandsbetweenLongstreetandtheyoungerwritersofGeorgialife.Hisfirstbookwas_GeorgiaSketches,byanOldMan(1864)._TheGoosePondSchool_,ashortstory,hadbeenwrittenin1857;itwasnotpublished,however,tillitappearedintheNovemberandDecember,1869,numbersofaSouthernmagazine,_TheNewEclectic_,overthepseudonym"PhilemonPerch."Hisfamous_DukesboroughTales_(18711874)waslargelyarepublicationoftheearlierbook.Othernoteworthycollectionsofhisare:_Mr.AbsalomBillingsleaandOther



GeorgiaFolk_(1888),_Mr.Fortner'sMaritalClaims,andOtherStories_(1892),and_OldTimesinMiddleGeorgia_(1897).Amongindividualstoriesstandout:_TheOrganGrinder_(July,1870,_NewEclectic_),_Mr.NeelusPeeler'sConditions_(June,1879,_Scribner'sMonthly_),_TheBriefEmbarrassmentofMr.IversonBlount_(September,1884,_Century_);_TheHotelExperienceofMr.PinkFluker_(June,1886,_Century_),republishedinthepresentcollection;_TheWimpyAdoptions_(February,1887,_Century_),_TheExperimentsofMissSallyCash_(September,1888,_Century_),and_OurWitch_(March,1897,_Century_).JohnstonmustberankedalmostwithBretHarteasapioneerin"localcolor"work,althoughhisworkhadlittlerecognitionuntilhis_DukesboroughTales_wererepublishedbyHarper&Brothersin1883.

BretHarte(18391902)ismentionedhereowingtothelatedateofhisstoryincludedinthisvolume,_ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff_(March,1901,_Harper's_),althoughhisworkasawholeofcoursebelongstoanearlierperiodofourliterature.Itisnowwellthumbedliteraryhistorythat_TheLuckofRoaringCamp_(August,1868,_Overland_)and_TheOutcastsofPokerFlat_(January,1869,_Overland_)broughthimapopularitythat,initssuddennessandextent,hadnoprecedentinAmericanliteraturesaveinthecaseofMrs.Stoweand_UncleTom'sCabin_.AccordingtoHarte'sownstatement,madeintheretrospectoflateryears,hesetoutdeliberatelytoaddanewprovincetoAmericanliterature.Althoughhisworkhasbeenbelittledbecausehehaschosenexceptionalandtheatrichappenings,yethisrealstrengthcamefromhiscontactwithWesternlife.

IrvingandDickensandothermodelsservedonlytoteachhimhisart."Finally,"saysProf.Pattee,"Hartewastheparentofthemodernformoftheshortstory.ItwashewhostartedKiplingandCableandThomasNelsonPage.Fewindeedhavesurpassedhiminthemechanicsofthismostdifficultofarts.Accordingtohisownbelief,theformisanAmericanproduct...Hartehasdescribedthegenesisofhisownart.ItsprangfromtheWesternhumorandwasdevelopedbythecircumstancesthatsurroundedhim.Manyofhisshortstoriesaremodels.Theycontainnotasuperfluousword,theyhandleasingleincidentwithgrapicpower,theyclosewithoutmoralorcomment.Theformcameasanaturalevolutionfromhislimitationsandpowers.Withhimthestorymustofnecessitybebrief....BretHartewastheartistofimpulse,thepainterofsingleburningmoments,theflashlightphotographerwhocaughtinluriddetailonedramaticepisodeinthelifeofamanoracommunityandlefttherestindarkness."[4]

Harte'shumorismostly"Westernhumor"Thereisnotalwaysuproariousmerriment,butthereisaconstantbackgroundofhumor.IknowofnomoreamusingsceneinAmericanliteraturethanthatinthecourtroomwhentheColonelgiveshisversionofthedeacon'smethodofsignalingtothewidowinHarte'sstoryincludedinthepresentvolume,_ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff_.Hereispartofit:

"Truetotheinstructionsshehadreceivedfromhim,herlipspartinthemusicalutterance(theColonelloweredhisvoiceinafaintfalsetto,presumablyinfondimitationofhisfairclient)'Kerree!'Instantlythenightbecomesresonantwiththeimpassionedreply(theColonelhereliftedhisvoiceinstentoriantones),'Kerrow!'Again,ashepasses,risesthesoft'Kerree!';again,ashisformislostinthedistance,comesbackthedeep'Kerrow!'"

WhileHarte'sstoriesallhaveinthemacertainelementorbackgroundofhumor,yetperhapsthemajorityofthemarechieflyromanticordramaticevenmorethantheyarehumorous.

Amongthebestofhisshortstoriesmaybementioned:_TheLuckof



RoaringCamp_(August,1868,_Overland_),_TheOutcastsofPokerFlat_(January,1869,_Overland_),_Tennessee'sPartner_(October,1869,_Overland_),_BrownofCalaveras_(March,1870,_Overland_),_Flip:aCaliforniaRomance_(in_Flip,andOtherStories_,1882),_LeftOutonLoneStarMountain_(January,1884,_Longman's_),_AnIngenueoftheSierras_(July,1894,_McClure's_),_TheBellRingerofAngel's_(in_TheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories_,1894),_ChuChu_(in_TheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories_,1894),_TheManandtheMountain_(in_TheAncestorsofPeterAtherly,andOtherTales_,1897),_SalomyJane'sKiss_(in_StoriesinLightandShadow_,1898),_TheYoungestMissPiper_(February,1900,_Leslie'sMonthly_),_ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff_(March,1901,_Harper's_),_AMercuryoftheFoothills_(July,1901,_Cosmopolitan_),_LantyFoster'sMistake_(December,1901,_NewEngland_),_AnAliBabaoftheSierras_(January4,1902,_SaturdayEveningPost_),and_DickBoyle'sBusinessCard_(in_Trent'sTrust,andOtherStories_,1903).Amonghisnotablecollectionsofstoriesare:_TheLuckofRoaringCamp,andOtherSketches_(1870),_Flip,andOtherStories_(1882),_OntheFrontier_(1884),_ColonelStarbottle'sClient,andSomeOtherPeople_(1892),_AProtegeofJackHamlin's,andOtherStories_(1894),_TheBellRingerofAngel's,andOtherStories_(1894),_TheAncestorsofPeterAtherly,andOtherTales_(1897),_OpeningsintheOldTrail_(1902),and_Trent'sTrust,andOtherStories_(1903).Thetitlesandmakeupofseveralofhiscollectionswerechangedwhentheycametobearrangedinthecompleteeditionofhisworks.[5]

HenryCuylerBunner(18551896)isoneofthehumorousgeniusesofAmericanliterature.Heisequallyathomeincleververseorthebriefshortstory.Prof.FredLewisPatteehassummeduphisachievementasfollows:"Another[thanStockton]whodidmuchtoadvancetheshortstorytowardthemechanicalperfectionithadattainedtoatthecloseofthecenturywasHenryCuylerBunner,editorof_Puck_andcreatorofsomeofthemostexquisite_versdesociete_oftheperiod.Thetitleofoneofhiscollections,_MadeinFrance:FrenchTalesRetoldwithaU.S.Twist_(1893),formsanintroductiontohisfiction.Notthathewasanimitator;fewhavebeenmoreoriginalorhaveputmoreoftheirownpersonalityintotheirwork.HisgeniuswasGallic.LikeAldrich,heapproachedtheshortstoryfromthefastidiousstandpointofthelyricpoet.Withhim,aswithAldrich,artwasamatterofexquisitetouches,ofinfinitecompression,ofalmostimperceptibleshadings.Theluridsplashesandtheheavyemphasisofthelocalcoloristsoffendedhissensitivetaste:hewouldworkwithsuggestion,withmicroscopicfocussings,andalwayswithdignityandelegance.HewasmoreAmericanthanHenryJames,moreeventhanAldrich.HechosealwaysdistinctivelyAmericansubjectsNewYorkCitywashisfavoritethemeandhisworkhadmoredepthofsoulthanStockton'sorAldrich's.Thestorymaybetrivial,amereexpandedanecdote,yetitissuretobesovitallytreatedthat,likeMaupassant'swork,itgripsandremains,and,whatismore,itliftsandchastensorexplains.Itmaybesaidwithassurancethat_ShortSixes_marksoneofthehighplaceswhichhavebeenattainedbytheAmericanshortstory."[6]

AmongBunner'sbeststoriesare:_LoveinOldCloathes_(September,1883,_Century),ASuccessfulFailure_(July,1887,_Puck_),_TheLoveLettersofSmith_(July23,1890,_Puck_)_TheNicePeople_(July30,1890,_Puck_),_TheNineCentGirls_(August13,1890,_Puck_),_TheTwoChurchesof'Quawket_(August27,1890,_Puck_),_ARoundUp_(September10,1890,_Puck_),_ASisterlyScheme_(September24,1890,_Puck_),_OurAromaticUncle_(August,1895,_Scribner's_),_TheTimeTableTest_(in_TheSuburbanSage_,1896).HecollaboratedwithProf.BranderMatthewsinseveralstories,notablyin_TheDocumentsintheCase_(Sept.,1879,_Scribner'sMonthly_).Hisbestcollectionsare:_ShortSixes:_StoriestobeReadWhiletheCandleBurns_(1891),



_MoreShortSixes_(1894),and_LoveinOldCloathes,andOtherStories_(1896).

AfterPoeandHawthornealmostthefirstauthorinAmericatomakeavertiginousimpressionbyhisshortstorieswasBretHarte.Thewideandsuddenpopularityheattainedbythepublicationofhistwoshortstories,_TheLuckofRoaringCamp_(1868)and_TheOutcastsofPokerFlat_(1869),hasalreadybeennoted.[7]ButonestoryjustbeforeHartethatastonishedthefictionaudiencewithitspowerandartwasHarrietPrescottSpofford's(1835)_TheAmberGods_(JanuaryandFebruary,1860,Atlantic),withitsstartlingending,"Imusthavediedattenminutespastone."AfterHartethenextstorytomakeagreatsensationwasThomasBaileyAldrich's_MarjorieDaw_(April,1873,_Atlantic_),astorywithasurpriseattheend,ashadbeenhis_AStruggleforLife_(July,1867,_Atlantic_),althoughitwasonly_MarjorieDaw_thatattractedmuchattentionatthetime.ThencameGeorgeWashingtonCable's(1844)_"PossonJone',"_(April1,1876,_Appleton'sJournal_)andalittlelaterCharlesEgbertCraddock's(1850)_TheDancin'PartyatHarrison'sCove_(May,1878,_Atlantic_)and_TheStarintheValley_(November,1878,_Atlantic_).ButtheworkofCableandCraddock,thoughofsterlingworth,wonitswaygradually.EvenEdwardEverettHale's(18221909)_MyDouble;andHowHeUndidMe_(September,1859,_Atlantic_)and_TheManWithoutaCountry_(December,1863,_Atlantic_)hadfallencomparativelystillborn.Thetrulyastoundingshortstorysuccesses,afterPoeandHawthorne,then,wereSpofford,BretHarteandAldrich.NextcameFrankRichardStockton(18341902)."Theinterestcreatedbytheappearanceof_MarjorieDaw_,"saysProf.Pattee,"wasmildcomparedwiththataccordedtoFrankR.Stockton's_TheLadyortheTiger?_(1884).StocktonhadnotthetechniqueofAldrichnorhisnaturalnessandease.Certainlyhehadnothisatmosphereofthe_beaumonde_andhisgraceofstyle,butinwhimsicalityandunexpectednessandinthatsubtleartthatmakestheobviouslyimpossibleseemperfectlyplausibleandcommonplacehesurpassednotonlyhimbutEdwardEverettHaleandallothers.AfterStocktonand_TheLadyortheTiger?_itwasrealizedevenbytheuncriticalthatshortstorywritinghadbecomeasubtleartandthatthemasterofitssubtletieshadhisreaderathismercy."[8]ThepublicationofStockton'sshortstoriescoversaperiodofoverfortyyears,from_Mahala'sDrive_(November,1868,_Lippincott's_)to_TheTroubleSheCausedWhenSheKissed_(December,1911,_Ladies'HomeJournal_),publishednineyearsafterhisdeath.Amongthemorenotableofhisstoriesmaybementioned:_TheTransferredGhost_(May,1882,_Century_),_TheLadyortheTiger?_(November,1882,_Century_),_TheReversibleLandscape_(July,1884,_Century_),_TheRemarkableWreckofthe"ThomasHyke"_(August,1884,_Century_),_"HisWife'sDeceasedSister"_(January,1884,_Century_),_ATaleofNegativeGravity_(December,1884,_Century_),_TheChristmasWreck_(in_TheChristmasWreck,andOtherStories_,1886),_AmosKilbright_(in_AmosKilbright,HisAdscititiousExperiences,withOtherStories_,1888),_Asaph_(May,1892,_Cosmopolitan_),_MyTerminalMoraine_(April26,1892,Collier's_OnceaWeekLibrary_),_TheMagicEgg_(June,1894,_Century_),_TheBullerPodingtonCompact_(August,1897,_Scribner's_),and_TheWidow'sCruise_(in_AStoryTeller'sPack_,1897).Mostofhisbestworkwasgatheredintothecollections:_TheLadyortheTiger?,andOtherStories_(1884),_TheBeeManofOrn,andOtherFancifulTales_(1887),_AmosKilbright,HisAdscititiousExperiences,withOtherStories_(1888),_TheClocksofRondaine,andOtherStories_(1892),_AChosenFew_(1895),_AStoryTeller'sPack_(1897),and_TheQueen'sMuseum,andOtherFancifulTales_(1906).

AfterStocktonandBunnercomeO.Henry(18621910)andJackLondon(18761916),apostlesoftheburlyandvigorousinfiction.BesideorabovethemstandHenryJames(18431916)althoughhebelongstoanearlierperiodaswellEdithWharton(1862),AliceBrown(1857),



MargaretWadeDeland(1857),andKatharineFullertonGerould(1879),practitionersinallthatO.HenryandLondonarenot,ofthefinerfields,themoresubtlenuancesofmodernlife.WithO.HenryandLondon,thoughperhapslessnoteworthy,aretobegroupedGeorgeRandolphChester(1869)andIrvinShrewsburyCobb(1876).Then,standingrathereachbyhimself,areMelvilleDavissonPost(1871),amasterofpsychologicalmysterystories,andWilburDanielSteele(1886),whoseworkitishardtoclassify.ThesetennamesrepresentmuchthatisbestinAmericanshortstoryproductionsincethebeginningofthetwentiethcentury(1900).Notallarenotableforhumor;butinasmuchasanyconsiderationoftheAmericanhumorousshortstorycannotbewhollydissociatedfromaconsiderationoftheAmericanshortstoryingeneral,ithasseemednotamisstomentiontheseauthorshere.AlthoughSarahOrneJewett(18491909)livedonintothetwentiethcenturyandMaryE.WilkinsFreeman(1862)isstillwithus,thebestandmosttypicalworkofthesetwowritersbelongsinthelasttwodecadesofthepreviouscentury.ToanearlierperiodalsobelongCharlesEgbertCraddock(1850),GeorgeWashingtonCable(1844),ThomasNelsonPage(1853),ConstanceFenimoreWoolson(18481894),HarrietPrescottSpofford(1835),HamlinGarland(1860),AmbroseBierce(1842?),RoseTerryCooke(18271892),andKateChopin(18511904).

"O.Henry"wasthepennameadoptedbyWilliamSydneyPorter.Hebeganhisshortstorycareerbycontributing_WhistlingDick'sChristmasStocking_to_McClure'sMagazine_in1899.HefolloweditwithmanystoriesdealingwithWesternandSouthandCentralAmericanlife,andlatercamemostofhisstoriesofthelifeofNewYorkCity,inwhichfieldliesmostofhisbestwork.Hecontributedmorestoriestothe_NewYorkWorld_thantoanyotheronepublicationasifthestoriesoftheauthorwholatercametobehailedas"theAmericanMaupassant"werenotgoodenoughforthe"leading"magazinesbutfitonlyforthesensationlovingpublicoftheSundaypapers!Hisfirstpublishedstorythatshoweddistinctstrengthwasperhaps_ABlackjackBargainer_(August,1901,_Munsey's_).Hefollowedthiswithsuchmasterlystoriesas:_TheDuplicityofHargraves_(February,1902,_JuniorMunsey_),_TheMarionettes_(April,1902,_BlackCat_),_ARetrievedReformation_(April,1903,_Cosmopolitan_),_TheGuardianoftheAccolade_(May,1903,_Cosmopolitan_),_TheEnchantedKiss_(February,1904,_Metropolitan_),_TheFurnishedRoom_(August14,1904,_NewYorkWorld_),_AnUnfinishedStory_(August,1905,_McClure's_),_TheCountandtheWeddingGuest_(October8,1905,_NewYorkWorld_),_TheGiftoftheMagi_(December10,1905,_NewYorkWorld_),_TheTrimmedLamp_(August,1906,_McClure's_),_Phoebe_(November,1907,_Everybody's_),_TheHidingofBlackBill_(October,1908,_Everybody's_),_NoStory_(June,1909,_Metropolitan_),_AMunicipalReport_(November,1909,_Hampton's_),_AServiceofLove_(in_TheFourMillion_,1909),_ThePendulum_(in_TheTrimmedLamp_,1910),_BrickdustRow_(in_TheTrimmedLamp_,1910),and_TheAssessorofSuccess_(in_TheTrimmedLamp_,1910).AmongO.Henry'sbestvolumesofshortstoriesare:_TheFourMillion_(1909),_Options_(1909),_RoadsofDestiny_(1909),_TheTrimmedLamp_(1910),_StrictlyBusiness:MoreStoriesoftheFourMillion_(1910),_Whirligigs_(1910),and_SixesandSevens_(1911).

"Nowhereisthereanythingjustlikethem.Inhisbestworkandhistalesofthegreatmetropolisarehisbestheisunique.Thesoulofhisartisunexpectedness.Humorateveryturnthereis,andsentimentandphilosophyandsurprise.Onenevermaybesureofhimself.Theendisalwaysasensation.Noforesightmaypredictit,andthesensationalwaysisgenuine.WhateverelseO.Henrywas,hewasanartist,amasterofplotanddiction,agenuinehumorist,andaphilosopher.Hisweaknesslayintheverynatureofhisart.Hewasanentertainerbentonlyonamusingandsurprisinghisreader.Everywherebrilliancy,buttoooftenitisjoinedtocheapness;art,yetartmergingswiftlyinto



caricature.LikeHarte,hecannotbetrusted.BothwritersonthewholemaybesaidtohaveloweredthestandardsofAmericanliterature,sincebothworkedinthesurfaceoflifewiththeatricintentandalwayswithoutmoralbackground,O.Henrymoves,butheneverlifts.Allisfortissimo;heslapsthereaderonthebackandlaughsloudlyasifhewereinabarroom.Hischaracters,withfewexceptions,areextremes,caricatures.Evenhisshopgirls,inthelimningofwhomhedidhisbestwork,arenotreallyindividuals;ratheraretheytypes,symbols.Hisworkwasliteraryvaudeville,brilliant,highlyamusing,andyetvaudeville."[9]_TheDuplicityofHargraves_,thestorybyO.Henrygiveninthisvolume,isfreefrommostofhisdefects.Ithasablendofhumorandpathosthatputsitonaplaneofuniversalappeal.

GeorgeRandolphChester(1869)gaineddistinctionbycreatingthegenialmodernbusinessmanofAmericanliteraturewhoisnotcontentto"getrichquick"throughtheordinarychannels.NeedIsaythatIrefertothatamazingcompoundoflikeablenessandsharppractices,GetRichQuickWallingford?Thestoryofhisincludedinthisvolume,_BargainDayatTuttHouse_(June,1905,_McClure's_),wasnearlyhisfirststory;onlytwoothers,whichcameoutin_TheSaturdayEveningPost_in1903and1904,precededit.Itsbreathlessdramaticactioniswellbalancedbyhumor.Otherstoriesofhisdeservingofspecialmentionare:_ACornerinFarmers_(February,29,1908,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_AFortuneinSmoke_(March14,1908,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_EasyMoney_(November14,1908,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_TheTripleCross_(December5,1908,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_SpoilingtheEgyptians_(December26,1908,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_Whipsawed!_(January16,1909,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_TheBubbleBank_(January30andFebruary6,1909,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_StraightBusiness_(February27,1909,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_SamTurner:aBusinessMan'sLoveStory_(March26,April2and9,1910,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_FundamentalJustice_(July25,1914,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_AScropperPatcher_(October,1916,_Everybody's_),and_JollyBachelors_(February,1918,_Cosmopolitan_).Hisbestcollectionsare:_GetRichQuickWallingford_(1908),_YoungWallingford_(1910),_WallingfordinHisPrime_(1913),and_WallingfordandBlackieDaw_(1913).Itisoftendifficulttofindinhisbooksshortstoriesthatonemaybelookingfor,forthereasonthatthetitlesoftheindividualstorieshavebeenremovedinordertomakethebookslooklikenovelssubdividedintochapters.

GraceMacGowanCooke(1863)isawriterallofwhoseworkhasinterestandperdurablestuffinit,butfewaretheauthorswhoseachievementsintheAmericanshortstorystandoutasawhole.In_ACall_(August,1906,_Harper's_)shesurpassesherselfandisnotperhapsherselfsurpassedbyanyofthehumorousshortstoriesthathavecometotheforesofarinAmericainthetwentiethcentury.Thestoryisnolessdelightfulinitsfidelitytofactandunderstandingofyounghumannaturethaninitsrelishofhumor.Someofherstoriesdeservingofspecialmentionare:_TheCaptureofAndyProudfoot_(June,1904,_Harper's_),_IntheStrengthoftheHills_(December,1905,_Metropolitan_),_TheMachinationsofOcoeeGallantine_(April,1906,_Century_),_ACall_(August,1906,_Harper's_),_ScottBohannon'sBond_(May4,1907,_Collier's_),and_ACleanShave_(November,1912,_Century_).Herbestshortstoriesdonotseemtohavebeencollectedinvolumesasyet,althoughshehashadseveralnotablelongworksoffictionpublished,suchas_ThePowerandtheGlory_(1910),andseveralgoodjuveniles.

WilliamJamesLampton(?1917),whowasknowntomanyofhisadmirersasWillLamptonorasW.J.L.merely,wasoneofthemostuniqueandinterestingcharactersofliteraryandBohemianNewYorkfromabout1895tohisdeathin1917.IrememberwalkingupFifthAvenuewithhim



oneSundayafternoonjustafterhehadshownmealetterfromthemanwhowasthenComptrolleroftheCurrency.Theletterwassignedsoillegiblythatmycompanionwasindoubtsastothesender,sohesuggestedthatwestopatawellknownhotelatthecornerof59thStreet,andaskthemanagerwhotheComptrolleroftheCurrencythenwas,sothathemightknowwhomtheletterwasfrom.Hesaidthatthemanagerofabighotellikethat,wheremanyprominentpeoplestayed,wouldbesuretoknow.Whenthisproblemhadbeensolvedtooursatisfaction,JohnSkeltonWilliamsprovingtobetheman,Lamptonsaid,"Nowyou'vetoldmewhoheis,I'llshowyouwhoIam."Soheaskedforacopyof_TheAmericanMagazine_atanewsstandinthehotelcorridor,openedit,andshowedthemanagerafullpagepictureofhimselfcladinacostumesuggestiveofthetimeofChristopherColumbus,withhighruffsaroundhisneck,thathappenedtoappearinthemagazinethecurrentmonth.Imentionthisincidenttoillustratethelackofconventionalityandwhimsicaloriginalityoftheman,thatstoodoutnolessforciblyinhiswritingsthaninhisdailylife.Hehadlittleusefor"doingtheusualthingintheusualsortofway."Hefirstgainedprominencebyhisbookofverse,_Yawps_(1900).Hispoemswerefreefromconventionintechniqueaswellasinspirit,althoughtheirchiefinnovationwassimplythatasaruletherewasnoregularnumberofsyllablesinaline;heletthelinesbeanylengththeywantedtobe,tofitthesenseorthelengthofwhathehadtosay.Heoncesaidtomethatifanythingofhiswasrememberedhethoughtitwouldbehispoem,_Lo,theSummerGirl_.Hismuseoftentookthedirectionofsatire,butitwasalwaysgoodnaturedevenwhenithitthehardest.Hehadinhismakeupmuchofthedetachedphilosopher,likeCervantesandMarkTwain.

Therewassomethingcosmicabouthisattitudetolife,andthisshowedinmuchthathedid.HewastheonlyAmericanwriterofhumorousverseofhisdaywhomIalwayscaredtoread,orwhoselinesIcouldremembermorethanafewweeks.Thiswasperhapsbecausehisworkwasnever_merely_humorous,butalwayshadabigsweepofbackgroundtoit,liketheruggednessoftheKentuckymountainsfromwhichhecame.ItwasColonelGeorgeHarvey,theneditorof_Harper'sWeekly_,whohadstartedtheboomtomakeWoodrowWilsonPresident.Wilsonafterwards,atleastseemingly,repudiatedhissponsor,probablybecauseofHarvey'sidentificationwithvariousmoneyedinterests.Lampton'spoemonthesubject,withitsrefrain,"Neveragain,saidColonelGeorge,"Irememberasoneofthemostnotableofhispoemsoncurrenttopics.ButwhatalwaysseemedtomethebestofhispoemsdealingwithmattersofthehourwasonethatIsuggestedhewrite,whichdealtwithgiftgivingtothepublic,ataboutthetimethatAndrewCarnegiewasmakingabigstirwithhisgiftsforlibraries,beginning:

Dunno,perhapsOneoftheyapsLikemewouldmakeAholybreakDoinghisturnWithmoneytoburn.Anyhow,IWouldn'tshyMakingatry!

andcontaining,amongmanyeffectivetouches,thepatheticlines,

...I'dhelpThepoorwhotrytohelpthemselves,WhohavetoworksohardforbreadTheycan'tgetveryfarahead.

WhenJamesLaneAllen'snovel,_TheReignofLaw_,cameout(1900),a



littlequatrainbyLamptonthatappearedin_TheBookman_(September,1900)sweptlikewildfireacrossthecountry,andwasreadbyahundredtimesasmanypeopleasthebookitself:

"TheReignofLaw"?Well,Allen,you'relucky;It'sthefirsttimeiteverRainedlawinKentucky!

ThereaderneednotberemindedthatatthatperiodKentuckyfamilyfeudswerewelltothefore.AsLamptonhadstartedasapoet,theeditorswereboundtokeephimpigeonholedasfarastheycould,andhisambitiontowriteshortstorieswasnotatfirstmuchencouragedbythem.HispredicamentwassomethinglikethatofthechiefcharacterofFrankR.Stockton'sstory,"_HisWife'sDeceasedSister_"(January,1884,_Century_),whohadwrittenastorysogoodthatwheneverhebroughttheeditorsanotherstorytheyinvariablyansweredinsubstance,"We'reafraiditwon'tdo.Can'tyougiveussomethinglike'_HisWife'sDeceasedSister_'?"ThiswasmerelyStockton'sturningtoaccounthisownsomewhatsimilarexperiencewiththeeditorsafterhisstory,_TheLadyortheTiger_?(November,1882,_Century_)appeared.Likewisetheeditorsdidn'twantLampton'sshortstoriesforawhilebecausetheylikedhispoemssowell.

DoIhearsomecriticsexclaimingthatthereisnothingremarkableabout_HowtheWidowWontheDeacon_,thestorybyLamptonincludedinthisvolume?Ithandlesanamusingsituationlightlyandwithgrace.Itisoneofthosethingsthatreadeasilyandareoftendifficulttoachieve.Amonghisbeststoriesare:_ThePeople'sNumberoftheWorthyvilleWatchman_(May12,1900,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_Love'sStrangeSpell_(April27,1901,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_AbimelechHiggins'Way_(August24,1001,_SaturdayEveningPost_),_ACupofTea_(March,1902,_Metropolitan_),_WinningHisSpurs_(May,1904,_Cosmopolitan_),_ThePerfidyofMajorPulsifer_(November,1909,_Cosmopolitan_),_HowtheWidowWontheDeacon_(April,1911,_Harper'sBazaar_),and_ABrownStudy_(December,1913,_Lippincott's_).Thereisnocollectionasyetofhisshortstories.Althoughfamiliarlyknownas"Colonel"Lampton,andalthoughofKentucky,hewasnotmerelya"KentuckyColonel,"forhewasactuallyappointedColonelonthestaffofthegovernorofKentucky.AtthetimeofhisdeathhewasabouttobemadeabrigadiergeneralandwasplanningtoraiseabrigadeofKentuckymountaineersforserviceintheGreatWar.Ashehadjuststruckhisstrideinshortstorywriting,thelosstoliteraturewasevengreaterthanthepatrioticloss.

_Gideon_(April,1914,_Century_),byWellsHastings(1878),thestorywithwhichthisvolumecloses,callstomindthelargenumberofnotableshortstoriesinAmericanliteraturebywriterswhohavemadenolargenameforthemselvesasshortstorywriters,orevenotherwiseinletters.Americanliteraturehasalwaysbeenstronginits"stray"shortstoriesofnote.InMr.Hastings'case,however,Ifeelthatthefameissuretocome.HegraduatedfromYalein1902,collaboratedwithBrianHooker(1880)inanovel,_TheProfessor'sMystery_(1911)andalonewroteanothernovel,_TheManintheBrownDerby_(1911).Hisshortstoriesinclude:_TheNewLittleBoy_(July,1911,_American_),_ThatDay_(September,1911,_American_),_ThePickUp_(December,1911,_Everybody's_),and_Gideon_(April,1914,_Century_).Thelaststorystandsout.Itcanbecomparedwithoutdisadvantagetothebestwork,orallbuttheverybestwork,ofThomasNelsonPage,itseemstome.Andfromthereader'sstandpointithastheadvantageisthisnotalsoanauthor'sadvantage?ofamoremodernsettingandtreatment.Mr.Hastingsis,Ihavebeentold,adirectorinoveradozenlargecorporations.Letushopethathisbusinessactivitieswillnotkeephimtoomuchawayfromthe



productionofliteraturefortorankasapieceofliterature,somethingofpermanentliteraryvalue,_Gideon_issurelyentitled.

ALEXANDERJESSUP.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION_AlexanderJessup_

THELITTLEFRENCHMANANDHISWATERLOTS(1839)_GeorgePopeMorris_

THEANGELOFTHEODD(1844)_EdgarAllanPoe_

THESCHOOLMASTER'SPROGRESS(1844)_CarolineM.S.Kirkland_

THEWATKINSONEVENING(1846)_ElizaLeslie_

TITBOTTOM'SSPECTACLES(1854)_GeorgeWilliamCurtis_

MYDOUBLE;ANDHOWHEUNDIDME(1859)_EdwardEverettHale_

AVISITTOTHEASYLUMFORAGEDANDDECAYEDPUNSTERS(1861)_OliverWendellHolmes_

THECELEBRATEDJUMPINGFROGOFCALAVERASCOUNTY(1865)_MarkTwain_

ELDERBROWN'SBACKSLIDE(1885)_HarryStillwellEdwards_

THEHOTELEXPERIENCEOFMR.PINKFLUKER(1886)_RichardMalcolmJohnston_

THENICEPEOPLE(1890)_HenryCuylerBunner_

THEBULLERPODINGTONCOMPACT(1897)_FrankRichardStockton_

COLONELSTARBOTTLEFORTHEPLAINTIFF(1901)_BretHarte_

THEDUPLICITYOFHARGRAVES(1902)_O.Henry_

BARGAINDAYATTUTTHOUSE(1905)_GeorgeRandolphChester_

ACALL(1906)_GraceMacGowanCooke_

HOWTHEWIDOWWONTHEDEACON(1911)_WilliamJamesLampton_

GIDEON(1914)_WellsHastings_



ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

_TheNicePeople_,byHenryCuylerBunner,isrepublishedfromhisvolume,_ShortSixes_,bypermissionofitspublishers,CharlesScribner'sSons._TheBullerPodingtonCompact_,byFrankRichardStockton,isfromhisvolume,_AfieldandAfloat_,andisrepublishedbypermissionofCharlesScribner'sSons._ColonelStarbottleforthePlaintiff_,byBretHarte,isfromthecollectionofhisstoriesentitled_OpeningsintheOldTrail_,andisrepublishedbypermissionoftheHoughtonMifflinCompany,theauthorizedpublishersofBretHarte'scompleteworks._TheDuplicityofHargraves_,byO.Henry,isfromhisvolume,_SixesandSevens_,andisrepublishedbypermissionofitspublishers,Doubleday,Page&Co.Thesestoriesarefullyprotectedbycopyright,andshouldnotberepublishedexceptbypermissionofthepublishersmentioned.ThanksaredueMrs.GraceMacGowanCookeforpermissiontouseherstory,_ACall_,republishedherefrom_Harper'sMagazine_;WellsHastings,forpermissiontoreprinthisstory,_Gideon_,from_TheCenturyMagazine_;andGeorgeRandolphChester,forpermissiontoinclude_BargainDayatTuttHouse_,from_McClure'sMagazine_.IwouldalsothanktheheirsofthelatelamentedColonelWilliamJ.Lamptonforpermissiontousehisstory,_HowtheWidowWontheDeacon_,from_Harper'sBazaar_.Thesestoriesareallcopyrighted,andcannotberepublishedexceptbyauthorizationoftheirauthorsorheirs.TheeditorregretsthattheirpublishershaveseenfittorefusehimpermissiontoincludeGeorgeW.Cable'sstory,"_PossonJone'_,"andIrvinS.Cobb'sstory,_TheSmartAleck_.HealsoregretshewasunabletoobtainacopyofJosephC.Duport'sstory,_TheWeddingatTimberHollow_,intimeforinclusion,towhichitsmeritsasheremembersthemcertainlyentitleit.Mr.Duport,inadditiontohisliteraryactivities,hasstartedaninteresting"backtoNature"experimentatWestfield,Massachusetts.

[Footnote1:ThisIhaveattemptedin_RepresentativeAmericanShortStories_(Allyn&Bacon:Boston,1922).]

[Footnote2:WillD.Howe,in_TheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature_,Vol.II,pp.158159(G.P.Putnam'sSons,1918).]

[Footnote3:_AHistoryofAmericanLiteratureSince1870_,p.317(TheCenturyCo.:1915).]

[Footnote4:_AHistoryofAmericanLiteratureSince1870_,pp7981.]

[Footnote5:"TheWorksofBretHarte,"twentyvolumes.TheHoughtonMifflinCompany,Boston.]

[Footnote6:_TheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature_,Vol.II,p.386.]

[Footnote7:SeethisIntroduction.]

[Footnote8:_TheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature_,Vol.II,p.385.]

[Footnote9:FredLewisPattee,inTheCambridgeHistoryofAmericanLiterature,Vol.II,p.394.]

*****

To:CHARLESGOODRICHWHITING,Critic,Poet,Friend



*****

THELITTLEFRENCHMANANDHISWATERLOTS

BYGEORGEPOPEMORRIS(18021864)

[From_TheLittleFrenchmanandHisWaterLots,withOtherSketchesoftheTimes_(1839),byGeorgePopeMorris.]

Lookintothosetheycallunfortunate,And,closerview'd,you'llfindtheyareunwise._Young._

Letwealthcomeinbycomelythrift,Andnotbyanyfoolishshift:'TishasteMakeswaste:WhogripestoohardthedryandslipperysandHoldsnoneatall,orlittle,inhishand._Herrick_.

Letwellalone._Proverb_.

Howmuchrealcomforteveryonemightenjoyifhewouldbecontentedwiththelotinwhichheavenhascasthim,andhowmuchtroublewouldbeavoidedifpeoplewouldonly"letwellalone."Amoderateindependence,quietlyandhonestlyprocured,iscertainlyeverywaypreferableeventoimmensepossessionsachievedbythewearandtearofmindandbodysonecessarytoprocurethem.Yetthereareveryfewindividuals,letthembedoingeversowellintheworld,whoarenotalwaysstrainingeverynervetodobetter;andthisisoneofthemanycauseswhyfailuresinbusinesssofrequentlyoccuramongus.Thepresentgenerationseemunwillingto"realize"byslowandsuredegrees;butchooserathertosettheirwholehopesuponasinglecast,whicheithermakesormarsthemforever!

Gentlereader,doyourememberMonsieurPoopoo?HeusedtokeepasmalltoystoreinChatham,nearthecornerofPearlStreet.Youmustrecollecthim,ofcourse.Helivedthereformanyyears,andwasoneofthemostpoliteandaccommodatingofshopkeepers.Whenajuvenile,youhaveboughttopsandmarblesofhimathousandtimes.Tobesureyouhave;andseenhisvinegarvisagelightedupwithasmileasyouflunghimthecoppers;andyouhavelaughedathislittlestraightqueueandhisdimitybreeches,andalltheotherodditiesthatmadeuptheeverydayapparelofmylittleFrenchman.Ah,Iperceiveyourecollecthimnow.

Well,then,therelivedMonsieurPoopooeversincehecamefrom"dear,delightfulParis,"ashewaswonttocallthecityofhisnativitytherehetookinthepenniesforhiskickshawstherehelaidasidefivethousanddollarsagainstarainydaytherehewasashappyasalarkandthere,inallhumanprobability,hewouldhavebeentothisveryday,arespectedandsubstantialcitizen,hadhebeenwillingto"letwellalone."ButMonsieurPoopoohadheardstrangestoriesabouttheprodigiousriseinrealestate;and,havingunderstoodthatmostofhisneighborshadbecomesuddenlyrichbyspeculatinginlots,heinstantlygrewdissatisfiedwithhisownlot,forthwithdeterminedtoshutupshop,turneverythingintocash,andsetaboutmakingmoneyinrightdownearnest.Nosoonersaidthandone;andourquondamstorekeeperafewdaysafterwardattendedanextensivesaleofrealestate,attheMerchants'Exchange.

Therewastheauctioneer,withhisbeautifulandinvitinglithographicmapsallthelotsassmoothandsquareandenticinglylaidoutaspossibleandtherewerethespeculatorsandthere,inthemidstof



them,stoodMonsieurPoopoo.

"Heretheyare,gentlemen,"saidheofthehammer,"themostvaluablelotseverofferedforsale.Givemeabidforthem!"

"Onehundredeach,"saidabystander.

"Onehundred!"saidtheauctioneer,"scarcelyenoughtopayforthemaps.Onehundredgoingandfiftygone!Mr.H.,theyareyours.Anoblepurchase.You'llsellthosesamelotsinlessthanafortnightforfiftythousanddollarsprofit!"

MonsieurPoopooprickeduphisearsatthis,andwaslostinastonishment.ThiswasamucheasierwaycertainlyofaccumulatingrichesthansellingtoysinChathamStreet,andhedeterminedtobuyandmendhisfortunewithoutdelay.

Theauctioneerproceededinhissale.Otherparcelswereofferedanddisposedof,andallthepurchaserswerepromisedimmenseadvantagesfortheirenterprise.Atlastcameamorevaluableparcelthanalltherest.Thecompanypressedaroundthestand,andMonsieurPoopoodidthesame.

"Inowofferyou,gentlemen,thesemagnificentlots,delightfullysituatedonLongIsland,withvaluablewaterprivileges.Propertyinfeetitleindisputabletermsofsale,cashdeedsreadyfordeliveryimmediatelyafterthesale.Howmuchforthem?Givethemastartatsomething.Howmuch?"Theauctioneerlookedaround;therewerenobidders.AtlasthecaughttheeyeofMonsieurPoopoo."Didyousayonehundred,sir?BeautifullotsvaluablewaterprivilegesshallIsayonehundredforyou?"

"_Oui,monsieur_;Iwillgiveyouvonhundreddollarapiece,fordelotviddevaluarblevatareprivalege;_c'estca_."

"Onlyonehundredapieceforthesesixtyvaluablelotsonlyonehundredgoinggoinggoinggone!"

MonsieurPoopoowasthefortunatepossessor.Theauctioneercongratulatedhimthesaleclosedandthecompanydispersed.

"_Pardonnezmoi,monsieur_,"saidPoopoo,astheauctioneerdescendedhispedestal,"youshall_excusezmoi_,ifIshallgoto_votrebureau_,yourcountinghouse,verquicktomakeeverytingsurewidrespectodelotviddevaluarblevatareprivalege.Vonleetlebirdindehandhevorthtwoindetree,_c'estvrai_eh?"

"Certainly,sir."

"Vellden,_allons_."

Andthegentlemenrepairedtothecountinghouse,wherethesixthousanddollarswerepaid,andthedeedsofthepropertydelivered.MonsieurPoopooputthesecarefullyinhispocket,andashewasabouttakinghisleave,theauctioneermadehimapresentofthelithographicoutlineofthelots,whichwasaveryliberalthingonhispart,consideringthemapwasabeautifulspecimenofthatgloriousart.Poopoocouldnotadmireitsufficiently.Therewerehissixtylots,asuniformaspossible,andhislittlegrayeyessparkledlikediamondsastheywanderedfromoneendofthespacioussheettotheother.

Poopoo'sheartwasaslightasafeather,andhesnappedhisfingersintheverywantonnessofjoyasherepairedtoDelmonico's,andorderedthefirstgoodFrenchdinnerthathadgladdenedhispalate



sincehisarrivalinAmerica.

Afterhavingdiscussedhisrepast,andwasheditdownwithabottleofchoiceoldclaret,heresolveduponavisittoLongIslandtoviewhispurchase.Heconsequentlyimmediatelyhiredahorseandgig,crossedtheBrooklynferry,anddrovealongthemarginoftherivertotheWallabout,thelocationinquestion.

Ourfriend,however,wasnotalittleperplexedtofindhisproperty.Everythingonthemapwasasfairandevenaspossible,whileallthegroundsabouthimwereasundulatedastheycouldwellbeimagined,andtherewasanelbowoftheEastRiverthrustingitselfquiteintotheribsoftheland,whichseemedtohavenobusinessthere.ThispuzzledtheFrenchmanexceedingly;and,beingastrangerinthoseparts,hecalledtoafarmerinanadjacentfield.

"_Monami_,areyouacquaintviddispartofdecountryeh?"

"Yes,Iwasbornhere,andknoweveryinchofit."

"Ah,_c'estbien_,datvilldo,"andtheFrenchmangotoutofthegig,tiedthehorse,andproducedhislithographicmap.

"DenmaybeyouvillhavedekindnesstoshowmedesixtylotvichIhavebought,viddevaluarblevatareprivalege?"

Thefarmerglancedhiseyeoverthepaper.

"Yes,sir,withpleasure;ifyouwillbegoodenoughto_getintomyboat,Iwillrowyououttothem_!"

"Vatdatyousay,sure?"

"Myfriend,"saidthefarmer,"thissectionofLongIslandhasrecentlybeenboughtupbythespeculatorsofNewYork,andlaidoutforagreatcity;buttheprincipalstreetisonlyvisible_atlowtide_.WhenthispartoftheEastRiverisfilledup,itwillbejustthere.Yourlots,asyouwillperceive,arebeyondit;_andarenowallunderwater_."

AtfirsttheFrenchmanwasincredulous.Hecouldnotbelievehissenses.Asthefacts,however,graduallybrokeuponhim,heshutoneeye,squintedobliquelyattheheavenstheriverthefarmerandthenheturnedawayandsquintedatthemalloveragain!Therewashispurchasesureenough;butthenitcouldnotbeperceivedfortherewasariverflowingoverit!Hedrewaboxfromhiswaistcoatpocket,openedit,withanemphaticknockuponthelid,tookapinchofsnuffandrestoredittohiswaistcoatpocketasbefore.Poopoowasevidentlyintrouble,having"thoughtswhichoftenlietoodeepfortears";and,ashisgriefwasalsotoobigforwords,heuntiedhishorse,jumpedintohisgig,andreturnedtotheauctioneerinhothaste.

Itwasnearnightwhenhearrivedattheauctionroomhishorseinafoamandhimselfinafury.Theauctioneerwasleaningbackinhischair,withhislegsstuckoutofalowwindow,quietlysmokingacigarafterthelaborsoftheday,andhummingthemusicfromthelastnewopera.

"Monsieur,Ihavemuchplaisirtofin'you,_chezvous_,athome."

"Ah,Poopoo!gladtoseeyou.Takeaseat,oldboy."

"ButIshallnottakedeseat,sare."



"Nowhy,what'sthematter?"

"Oh,_beaucoup_dematter.Ihavebeentoseedegranlotvotyousellmetoday."

"Well,sir,Ihopeyoulikeyourpurchase?"

"No,monsieur,Inolikehim."

"I'msorryforit;butthereisnogroundforyourcomplaint."

"No,sare;dareisno_ground_atalldegroundisallvatare!"

"Youjoke!"

"Inojoke.Inevarejoke;_jen'entendspaslaraillerie_,Sare,_voulezvous_havedekindnesstogivemebackdemoneyvotIpay!"

"Certainlynot."

"DenvillyoubesogoodastotakedeEastRiveroffdetopofmylot?"

"That'syourbusiness,sir,notmine."

"DenImakevon_mauvaiseaffaire_vongranmistake!"

"Ihopenot.Idon'tthinkyouhavethrownyourmoneyawayinthe_land_."

"No,sare;butItroitavayinde_vatare!_"

"That'snotmyfault."

"Yes,sare,butitisyourfault.You'revonvergranrascaltoswindlemeoutof_del'argent_."

"Hello,oldPoopoo,yougrowpersonal;andifyoucan'tkeepaciviltongueinyourhead,youmustgooutofmycountingroom."

"VareshallIgoto,eh?"

"Tothedevil,foraughtIcare,youfoolisholdFrenchman!"saidtheauctioneer,waxingwarm.

"But,sare,Ivillnotgotodedeviltoobligeyou!"repliedtheFrenchman,waxingwarmer."YousheatmeoutofalldedollarvotImakeinShathamStreet;butIvillnotgotodedevilforalldat.Ivishyoumaygotodedevilyourselfyoudemyankeedoodell,andIvillgoanddrownmyself,_toutdesuite_,rightavay."

"Youcouldn'tmakeabetteruseofyourwaterprivileges,oldboy!"

"Ah,_misericorde!_Ah,_mondieu,jesuisabime_.Iamruin!Iamdoneup!Iambreakallintotensousanleetlepieces!Iamvonlameduck,andIshallvaddleacrossdegranoceanforParis,vishisdeonlyvaluarblevatareprivalegedatisleftme_apresent!_"

PoorPoopoowasasgoodashisword.Hesailedinthenextpacket,andarrivedinParisalmostaspennilessasthedayheleftit.

Shouldanyonefeeldisposedtodoubttheveritablecircumstanceshererecorded,lethimcrosstheEastRivertotheWallabout,andfarmerJwill_rowhimout_totheveryplacewherethepoorFrenchman'slotsstillremain_underwater_.



THEANGELOFTHEODD

[From_TheColumbianMagazine_,October,1844.]

BYEDGARALLANPOE(18091849)

ItwasachillyNovemberafternoon.Ihadjustconsummatedanunusuallyheartydinner,ofwhichthedyspeptic_truffe_formednottheleastimportantitem,andwassittingaloneinthediningroomwithmyfeetuponthefenderandatmyelbowasmalltablewhichIhadrolleduptothefire,anduponwhichweresomeapologiesfordessert,withsomemiscellaneousbottlesofwine,spirit,and_liqueur_.InthemorningIhadbeenreadingGlover's_Leonidas_,Wilkie's_Epigoniad_,Lamartine's_Pilgrimage_,Barlow's_Columbiad_,Tuckerman's_Sicily_,andGriswold's_Curiosities_,Iamwillingtoconfess,therefore,thatInowfeltalittlestupid.ImadeefforttoarousemyselfbyfrequentaidofLafitte,andallfailing,Ibetookmyselftoastraynewspaperindespair.Havingcarefullyperusedthecolumnof"Housestolet,"andthecolumnof"Dogslost,"andthenthecolumnsof"Wivesandapprenticesrunaway,"Iattackedwithgreatresolutiontheeditorialmatter,andreadingitfrombeginningtoendwithoutunderstandingasyllable,conceivedthepossibilityofitsbeingChinese,andsorereaditfromtheendtothebeginning,butwithnomoresatisfactoryresult.Iwasaboutthrowingawayindisgust

Thisfoliooffourpages,happyworkWhichnotevencriticscriticise,

whenIfeltmyattentionsomewhatarousedbytheparagraphwhichfollows:

"Theavenuestodeatharenumerousandstrange.ALondonpapermentionsthedeceaseofapersonfromasingularcause.Hewasplayingat'puffthedart,'whichisplayedwithalongneedleinsertedinsomeworsted,andblownatatargetthroughatintube.Heplacedtheneedleatthewrongendofthetube,anddrawinghisbreathstronglytopuffthedartforwardwithforce,drewtheneedleintohisthroat.Itenteredthelungs,andinafewdayskilledhim."

UponseeingthisIfellintoagreatrage,withoutexactlyknowingwhy."Thisthing,"Iexclaimed,"isacontemptiblefalsehoodapoorhoaxtheleesoftheinventionofsomepitiablepennyaliner,ofsomewretchedconcocterofaccidentsinCocaigne.Thesefellowsknowingtheextravagantgullibilityoftheagesettheirwitstoworkintheimaginationofimprobablepossibilities,ofoddaccidentsastheytermthem,buttoareflectingintellect(likemine,Iadded,inparenthesis,puttingmyforefingerunconsciouslytothesideofmynose),toacontemplativeunderstandingsuchasImyselfpossess,itseemsevidentatoncethatthemarvelousincreaseoflateinthese'oddaccidents'isbyfartheoddestaccidentofall.Formyownpart,Iintendtobelievenothinghenceforwardthathasanythingofthe'singular'aboutit."

"MeinGott,den,vatavoolyoubeesfordat!"repliedoneofthemostremarkablevoicesIeverheard.AtfirstItookitforarumblinginmyearssuchasamansometimesexperienceswhengettingverydrunkbutuponsecondthought,Iconsideredthesoundasmorenearlyresemblingthatwhichproceedsfromanemptybarrelbeatenwithabigstick;and,infact,thisIshouldhaveconcludedittobe,butforthearticulationofthesyllablesandwords.Iambynomeansnaturallynervous,andtheveryfewglassesofLafittewhichIhadsippedservedtoemboldenmealittle,sothatIfeltnothingof



trepidation,butmerelyupliftedmyeyeswithaleisurelymovementandlookedcarefullyaroundtheroomfortheintruder.Icouldnot,however,perceiveanyoneatall.

"Humph!"resumedthevoiceasIcontinuedmysurvey,"youmuspesodronkasdepigdenfornotzeemeasIzithereatyourzide."

HereuponIbethoughtmeoflookingimmediatelybeforemynose,andthere,sureenough,confrontingmeatthetablesatapersonagenondescript,althoughnotaltogetherindescribable.Hisbodywasawinepipeorarumpuncheon,orsomethingofthatcharacter,andhadatrulyFalstaffianair.Initsnetherextremitywereinsertedtwokegs,whichseemedtoanswerallthepurposesoflegs.Forarmstheredangledfromtheupperportionofthecarcasstwotolerablylongbottleswiththenecksoutwardforhands.AlltheheadthatIsawthemonsterpossessedofwasoneofthoseHessiancanteenswhichresemblealargesnuffboxwithaholeinthemiddleofthelid.Thiscanteen(withafunnelonitstoplikeacavaliercapslouchedovertheeyes)wassetonedgeuponthepuncheon,withtheholetowardmyself;andthroughthishole,whichseemedpuckereduplikethemouthofaverypreciseoldmaid,thecreaturewasemittingcertainrumblingandgrumblingnoiseswhichheevidentlyintendedforintelligibletalk.

"Izay,"saidhe,"youmospedronkasdepig,vorzitdareandnotzeemezitere;andIzay,doo,youmospepiggervoolasdegoose,vortodispeliefvatizprintindeprint.'Tizdetroofdatitizeberyvordobit."

"Whoareyou,pray?"saidIwithmuchdignity,althoughsomewhatpuzzled;"howdidyougethere?andwhatisityouaretalkingabout?"

"AsvorowIcom'dere,"repliedthefigure,"datiznoneofyourpizziness;andasvorvatIbetalkingapout,IbetalkapoutvatItinkproper;andasvorwhoIbe,vydatisdeverytingIcom'dherefortoletyouzeeforyourself."

"Youareadrunkenvagabond,"saidI,"andIshallringthebellandordermyfootmantokickyouintothestreet."

"He!he!he!"saidthefellow,"hu!hu!hu!datyoucan'tdo."

"Can'tdo!"saidI,"whatdoyoumean?Ican'tdowhat?"

"Ringdepell,"hereplied,attemptingagrinwithhislittlevillainousmouth.

UponthisImadeanefforttogetupinordertoputmythreatintoexecution,buttheruffianjustreachedacrossthetableverydeliberately,andhittingmeatapontheforeheadwiththeneckofoneofthelongbottles,knockedmebackintothearmchairfromwhichIhadhalfarisen.Iwasutterlyastounded,andforamomentwasquiteatalosswhattodo.Inthemeantimehecontinuedhistalk.

"Youzee,"saidhe,"itiztebessvorzitstill;andnowyoushallknowwhoIpe.Lookatme!zee!Iamte_AngelovteOdd_."

"Andoddenough,too,"Iventuredtoreply;"butIwasalwaysundertheimpressionthatanangelhadwings."

"Tewing!"hecried,highlyincensed,"vatIpedomittewing?MeinGott!doyoutakemeforashicken?"

"Nooh,no!"Ireplied,muchalarmed;"youarenochickencertainlynot."



"Well,den,zitstillandpehabeyourself,orI'llrapyouagainmidmevist.Itizteshickenabtewing,undteowlabtewing,undteimpabtewing,undteheadteuffelabtewing.Teangelab_not_tewing,andIamte_AngelovteOdd_."

"Andyourbusinesswithmeatpresentisis"

"Mypizziness!"ejaculatedthething,"vyvatalowbredpuppyyoumospevortoaskagentlemanundanangelapouthispizziness!"

ThislanguagewasrathermorethanIcouldbear,evenfromanangel;so,pluckingupcourage,Iseizedasaltcellarwhichlaywithinreach,andhurleditattheheadoftheintruder.Eitherhedodged,however,ormyaimwasinaccurate;forallIaccomplishedwasthedemolitionofthecrystalwhichprotectedthedialoftheclockuponthemantelpiece.AsfortheAngel,heevincedhissenseofmyassaultbygivingmetwoorthreehard,consecutiverapsupontheforeheadasbefore.Thesereducedmeatoncetosubmission,andIamalmostashamedtoconfessthat,eitherthroughpainorvexation,therecameafewtearsintomyeyes.

"MeinGott!"saidtheAngeloftheOdd,apparentlymuchsoftenedatmydistress;"meinGott,temanisederferrydronkorferryzorry.Youmosnottrinkitsostrongyoumosputtewaterintewine.Here,trinkdis,likeagoodveller,anddon'tgrynowdon't!"

HereupontheAngeloftheOddreplenishedmygoblet(whichwasaboutathirdfullofport)withacolorlessfluidthathepouredfromoneofhishandbottles.Iobservedthatthesebottleshadlabelsabouttheirnecks,andthattheselabelswereinscribed"Kirschenwaesser."

TheconsideratekindnessoftheAngelmollifiedmeinnolittlemeasure;and,aidedbythewaterwithwhichhedilutedmyportmorethanonce,Iatlengthregainedsufficienttempertolistentohisveryextraordinarydiscourse.Icannotpretendtorecountallthathetoldme,butIgleanedfromwhathesaidthathewasageniuswhopresidedoverthe_contretemps_ofmankind,andwhosebusinessitwastobringaboutthe_oddaccidents_whicharecontinuallyastonishingtheskeptic.Onceortwice,uponmyventuringtoexpressmytotalincredulityinrespecttohispretensions,hegrewveryangryindeed,sothatatlengthIconsidereditthewiserpolicytosaynothingatall,andlethimhavehisownway.Hetalkedon,therefore,atgreatlength,whileImerelyleanedbackinmychairwithmyeyesshut,andamusedmyselfwithmunchingraisinsandfilipingthestemsabouttheroom.But,byandby,theAngelsuddenlyconstruedthisbehaviorofmineintocontempt.Hearoseinaterriblepassion,slouchedhisfunneldownoverhiseyes,sworeavastoath,utteredathreatofsomecharacter,whichIdidnotpreciselycomprehend,andfinallymademealowbowanddeparted,wishingme,inthelanguageofthearchbishopin"GilBias,"_beaucoupdebonheuretunpeuplusdebonsens_.

Hisdepartureaffordedmerelief.The_very_fewglassesofLafittethatIhadsippedhadtheeffectofrenderingmedrowsy,andIfeltinclinedtotakeanapofsomefifteenortwentyminutes,asismycustomafterdinner.AtsixIhadanappointmentofconsequence,whichitwasquiteindispensablethatIshouldkeep.Thepolicyofinsuranceformydwellinghousehadexpiredthedaybefore;andsomedisputehavingarisenitwasagreedthat,atsix,Ishouldmeettheboardofdirectorsofthecompanyandsettlethetermsofarenewal.Glancingupwardattheclockonthemantelpiece(forIfelttoodrowsytotakeoutmywatch),IhadthepleasuretofindthatIhadstilltwentyfiveminutestospare.Itwashalfpastfive;Icouldeasilywalktotheinsuranceofficeinfiveminutes;andmyusualsiestashadneverbeenknowntoexceedfiveandtwenty.Ifeltsufficientlysafe,therefore,andcomposedmyselftomyslumbersforthwith.



Havingcompletedthemtomysatisfaction,Iagainlookedtowardthetimepiece,andwashalfinclinedtobelieveinthepossibilityofoddaccidentswhenIfoundthat,insteadofmyordinaryfifteenortwentyminutes,Ihadbeendozingonlythree;foritstillwantedsevenandtwentyoftheappointedhour.Ibetookmyselfagaintomynap,andatlengthasecondtimeawoke,when,tomyutteramazement,itstillwantedtwentysevenminutesofsix.Ijumpeduptoexaminetheclock,andfoundthatithadceasedrunning.Mywatchinformedmethatitwashalfpastseven;and,ofcourse,havingslepttwohours,Iwastoolateformyappointment."Itwillmakenodifference,"Isaid:"Icancallattheofficeinthemorningandapologize;inthemeantimewhatcanbethematterwiththeclock?"UponexaminingitIdiscoveredthatoneoftheraisinstemswhichIhadbeenfilipingabouttheroomduringthediscourseoftheAngeloftheOddhadflownthroughthefracturedcrystal,andlodging,singularlyenough,inthekeyhole,withanendprojectingoutward,hadthusarrestedtherevolutionoftheminutehand.

"Ah!"saidI,"Iseehowitis.Thisthingspeaksforitself.Anaturalaccident,suchaswillhappennowandthen!"

Igavethematternofurtherconsideration,andatmyusualhourretiredtobed.Here,havingplacedacandleuponareadingstandatthebedhead,andhavingmadeanattempttoperusesomepagesofthe_OmnipresenceoftheDeity_,Iunfortunatelyfellasleepinlessthantwentyseconds,leavingthelightburningasitwas.

MydreamswereterrificallydisturbedbyvisionsoftheAngeloftheOdd.Methoughthestoodatthefootofthecouch,drewasidethecurtains,andinthehollow,detestabletonesofarumpuncheon,menacedmewiththebitterestvengeanceforthecontemptwithwhichIhadtreatedhim.Heconcludedalongharanguebytakingoffhisfunnelcap,insertingthetubeintomygullet,andthusdelugingmewithanoceanofKirschenwaesser,whichhepouredinacontinuousflood,fromoneofthelongneckedbottlesthatstoodhiminsteadofanarm.Myagonywasatlengthinsufferable,andIawokejustintimetoperceivethatarathadrunoffwiththelightedcandlefromthestand,but_not_inseasontopreventhismakinghisescapewithitthroughthehole,Verysoonastrong,suffocatingodorassailedmynostrils;thehouse,Iclearlyperceived,wasonfire.Inafewminutestheblazebrokeforthwithviolence,andinanincrediblybriefperiodtheentirebuildingwaswrappedinflames.Allegressfrommychamber,exceptthroughawindow,wascutoff.Thecrowd,however,quicklyprocuredandraisedalongladder.BymeansofthisIwasdescendingrapidly,andinapparentsafety,whenahugehog,aboutwhoserotundstomach,andindeedaboutwhosewholeairandphysiognomy,therewassomethingwhichremindedmeoftheAngeloftheOddwhenthishog,Isay,whichhithertohadbeenquietlyslumberinginthemud,tookitsuddenlyintohisheadthathisleftshoulderneededscratching,andcouldfindnomoreconvenientrubbingpostthanthataffordedbythefootoftheladder.InaninstantIwasprecipitated,andhadthemisfortunetofracturemyarm.

Thisaccident,withthelossofmyinsurance,andwiththemoreseriouslossofmyhair,thewholeofwhichhadbeensingedoffbythefire,predisposedmetoseriousimpressions,sothatfinallyImadeupmymindtotakeawife.Therewasarichwidowdisconsolateforthelossofherseventhhusband,andtoherwoundedspiritIofferedthebalmofmyvows.Sheyieldedareluctantconsenttomyprayers.Ikneltatherfeetingratitudeandadoration.SheblushedandbowedherluxurianttressesintoclosecontactwiththosesuppliedmetemporarilybyGrandjean.Iknownothowtheentanglementtookplacebutsoitwas.Iarosewithashiningpate,wigless;sheindisdainandwrath,halfburiedinalienhair.Thusendedmyhopesofthewidow



byanaccidentwhichcouldnothavebeenanticipated,tobesure,butwhichthenaturalsequenceofeventshadbroughtabout.

Withoutdespairing,however,Iundertookthesiegeofalessimplacableheart.Thefateswereagainpropitiousforabriefperiod,butagainatrivialincidentinterfered.Meetingmybetrothedinanavenuethrongedwiththeeliteofthecity,Iwashasteningtogreetherwithoneofmybestconsideredbows,whenasmallparticleofsomeforeignmatterlodginginthecornerofmyeyerenderedmeforthemomentcompletelyblind.BeforeIcouldrecovermysight,theladyofmylovehaddisappearedirreparablyaffrontedatwhatshechosetoconsidermypremeditatedrudenessinpassingherbyungreeted.WhileIstoodbewilderedatthesuddennessofthisaccident(whichmighthavehappened,nevertheless,toanyoneunderthesun),andwhileIstillcontinuedincapableofsight,IwasaccostedbytheAngeloftheOdd,whoprofferedmehisaidwithacivilitywhichIhadnoreasontoexpect.Heexaminedmydisorderedeyewithmuchgentlenessandskill,informedmethatIhadadropinit,and(whatevera"drop"was)tookitout,andaffordedmerelief.

Inowconsideredithightimetodie(sincefortunehadsodeterminedtopersecuteme),andaccordinglymademywaytothenearestriver.Here,divestingmyselfofmyclothes(forthereisnoreasonwhywecannotdieaswewereborn),Ithrewmyselfheadlongintothecurrent;thesolewitnessofmyfatebeingasolitarycrowthathadbeenseducedintotheeatingofbrandysaturatedcorn,andsohadstaggeredawayfromhisfellows.NosoonerhadIenteredthewaterthanthisbirdtookitintohisheadtoflyawaywiththemostindispensableportionofmyapparel.Postponing,therefore,forthepresent,mysuicidaldesign,Ijustslippedmynetherextremitiesintothesleevesofmycoat,andbetookmyselftoapursuitofthefelonwithallthenimblenesswhichthecaserequiredanditscircumstanceswouldadmit.Butmyevildestinyattendedmestill.AsIranatfullspeed,withmynoseupintheatmosphere,andintentonlyuponthepurloinerofmyproperty,Isuddenlyperceivedthatmyfeetrestednolongerupon_terrafirma_;thefactis,Ihadthrownmyselfoveraprecipice,andshouldinevitablyhavebeendashedtopiecesbutformygoodfortuneingraspingtheendofalongguiderope,whichdependedfromapassingballoon.

AssoonasIsufficientlyrecoveredmysensestocomprehendtheterrificpredicamentinwhichIstood,orratherhung,Iexertedallthepowerofmylungstomakethatpredicamentknowntotheaeronautoverhead.ButforalongtimeIexertedmyselfinvain.Eitherthefoolcouldnot,orthevillainwouldnotperceiveme.Meanwhilethemachinerapidlysoared,whilemystrengthevenmorerapidlyfailed.Iwassoonuponthepointofresigningmyselftomyfate,anddroppingquietlyintothesea,whenmyspiritsweresuddenlyrevivedbyhearingahollowvoicefromabove,whichseemedtobelazilyhumminganoperaair.Lookingup,IperceivedtheAngeloftheOdd.Hewasleaning,withhisarmsfolded,overtherimofthecar;andwithapipeinhismouth,atwhichhepuffedleisurely,seemedtobeuponexcellenttermswithhimselfandtheuniverse.Iwastoomuchexhaustedtospeak,soImerelyregardedhimwithanimploringair.

Forseveralminutes,althoughhelookedmefullintheface,hesaidnothing.Atlength,removingcarefullyhismeerschaumfromtherighttotheleftcornerofhismouth,hecondescendedtospeak.

"Whopeyou,"heasked,"undwhatderteuffelyoupedodare?"

Tothispieceofimpudence,cruelty,andaffectation,Icouldreplyonlybyejaculatingthemonosyllable"Help!"

"Elp!"echoedtheruffian,"notI.Dareiztepottleelpyourself,



undpetam'd!"

WiththesewordsheletfallaheavybottleofKirschenwaesser,which,droppingpreciselyuponthecrownofmyhead,causedmetoimaginethatmybrainswereentirelyknockedout.ImpressedwiththisideaIwasabouttorelinquishmyholdandgiveuptheghostwithagoodgrace,whenIwasarrestedbythecryoftheAngel,whobademeholdon.

"'Oldon!"hesaid:"don'tpeinte'urrydon't.Willyoupetakedeodderpottle,or'aveyoupegotzoberyet,andcometoyourzenzes?"

Imadehaste,hereupon,tonodmyheadtwiceonceinthenegative,meaningtherebythatIwouldprefernottakingtheotherbottleatpresent;andonceintheaffirmative,intendingthustoimplythatI_was_soberand_had_positivelycometomysenses.BythesemeansIsomewhatsoftenedtheAngel.

"Undyoupelief,ten,"heinquired,"attelast?Youpelief,ten,intepossibilityofteodd?"

Iagainnoddedmyheadinassent.

"Undyouavepeliefin_me_,teAngelofteOdd?"

Inoddedagain.

"Undyouacknowledgetatyoupeteblinddronkundtevool?"

Inoddedoncemore.

"Putyourrighthandintoyourleftpreechespocket,ten,intokenovyourvullzubmizzionuntoteAngelovteOdd."

Thisthing,forveryobviousreasons,Ifounditquiteimpossibletodo.Inthefirstplace,myleftarmhadbeenbrokeninmyfallfromtheladder,andtherefore,hadIletgomyholdwiththerighthandImusthaveletgoaltogether.Inthesecondplace,IcouldhavenobreechesuntilIcameacrossthecrow.Iwasthereforeobliged,muchtomyregret,toshakemyheadinthenegative,intendingthustogivetheAngeltounderstandthatIfounditinconvenient,justatthatmoment,tocomplywithhisveryreasonabledemand!Nosooner,however,hadIceasedshakingmyheadthan

"Gotoderteuffel,ten!"roaredtheAngeloftheOdd.

InpronouncingthesewordshedrewasharpknifeacrosstheguideropebywhichIwassuspended,andaswethenhappenedtobepreciselyovermyownhouse(which,duringmyperegrinations,hadbeenhandsomelyrebuilt),itsooccurredthatItumbledheadlongdowntheamplechimneyandalituponthediningroomhearth.

Uponcomingtomysenses(forthefallhadverythoroughlystunnedme)Ifounditaboutfouro'clockinthemorning.IlayoutstretchedwhereIhadfallenfromtheballoon.Myheadgroveledintheashesofanextinguishedfire,whilemyfeetreposeduponthewreckofasmalltable,overthrown,andamidthefragmentsofamiscellaneousdessert,intermingledwithanewspaper,somebrokenglassesandshatteredbottles,andanemptyjugoftheSchiedamKirschenwaesser.ThusrevengedhimselftheAngeloftheOdd.

THESCHOOLMASTER'SPROGRESS



ByCarolineM.S.Kirkland(18011864)

[From_TheGift_for1845,publishedlatein1844.Republishedinthevolume,_WesternClearings_(1845),byCarolineM.S.Kirkland.]

MasterWilliamHornercametoourvillagetoschoolwhenhewasabouteighteenyearsold:tall,lank,straightsided,andstraighthaired,withamouthofthemostpuckeredandsolemnkind.Hisfigureandmovementswerethoseofapuppetcutoutofshingleandjerkedbyastring;andhisaddresscorrespondedverywellwithhisappearance.Neverdidthatprimmouthgivewaybeforealaugh.Afaintandmistysmilewasthewidestdeparturefromitspropriety,andthisunaccustomeddisturbancemadewrinklesintheflat,skinnycheekslikethoseinthesurfaceofalake,aftertheintrusionofastone.MasterHornerknewwellwhatbelongedtothepedagogicalcharacter,andthatfacialsolemnitystoodhighonthelistofindispensablequalifications.Hehadmadeuphismindbeforehelefthisfather'shousehowhewouldlookduringtheterm.Hehadnotplannedanysmiles(knowingthathemust"boardround"),anditwasnotforordinaryoccurrencestoalterhisarrangements;sothatwhenhewasbetrayedintoarelaxationofthemuscles,itwas"insuchasort"asifhewasputtinghisbreadandbutterinjeopardy.

Trulyhehadagravetimethatfirstwinter.Therodofpowerwasnewtohim,andhefeltithis"duty"touseitmorefrequentlythanmighthavebeenthoughtnecessarybythoseuponwhosesensetheprivilegehadpalled.Tearsandsulkyfaces,andimpotentfistsdoubledfiercelywhenhisbackwasturned,weretherewardsofhisconscientiousness;andtheboysandgirlstooweregladwhenworkingtimecameroundagain,andthemasterwenthometohelphisfatheronthefarm.

ButwiththeautumncameMasterHorneragain,droppingamongusasquietlyasthefadedleaves,andawakeningatleastasmuchseriousreflection.Wouldhebeasselfsacrificingasbefore,postponinghisowneaseandcomforttothepublicgood,orwouldhehavebecomemoresedentary,andlessfondofcircumambulatingtheschoolroomwithaswitchoverhisshoulder?Manywerefaintohopehemighthavelearnedtosmokeduringthesummer,anaccomplishmentwhichwouldprobablyhavemoderatedhisenergynotalittle,anddisposedhimrathertoreveriethantoaction.Butherehewas,andallthebroaderchestedandstouterarmedforhislaborsintheharvestfield.

LetitnotbesupposedthatMasterHornerwasofacruelandogrishnatureababeeateraHerodonewhodelightedintorturingthehelpless.Suchsoulstheremaybe,amongthoseendowedwiththeawfulcontroloftheferule,buttheyarerareinthefreshandnaturalregionswedescribe.Itis,webelieve,whereyounggentlemenaretobecrammedforcollege,thattheprocessofhardeningheartandskintogethergoesonmostvigorously.Yetamongtheuneducatedthereissohigharespectforbodilystrength,thatitisnecessaryfortheschoolmastertoshow,firstofall,thathepossessesthisinadmissiblerequisiteforhisplace.Therestismorereadilytakenforgranted.Brainshe_may_haveastrongarmhe_must_have:soheprovesthemoreimportantclaimfirst.WemustthereforemakealldueallowanceforMasterHorner,whocouldnotbeexpectedtoovertophispositionsofarastodiscernatoncethephilosophyofteaching.

Hewassadlybrowbeatenduringhisfirsttermofservicebyagreatbroadshoulderedloutofsomeeighteenyearsorso,whothoughtheneededalittlemore"schooling,"butatthesametimefeltquitecompetenttodirectthemannerandmeasureofhisattempts.

"You'doughttobeginwithlargehand,Joshuay,"saidMasterHornertothisyouth.



"WhatshouldIwantcoarsehandfor?"saidthedisciple,withgreatcontempt;"coarsehandwon'tneverdomenogood.Iwantafinehandcopy."

Themasterlookedattheinfantgiant,anddidashewished,butwesaynotwithwhatsecretresolutions.

Atanothertime,MasterHorner,havinghadahintfromsomeonemoreknowingthanhimself,proposedtohiselderscholarstowriteafterdictation,expatiatingatthesametimequitefloridly(theideashavingbeensuppliedbytheknowingfriend),upontheadvantageslikelytoarisefromthispractice,andsaying,amongotherthings,

"Itwillhelpyou,whenyouwriteletters,tospellthewordsgood."

"Pooh!"saidJoshua,"spellin'ain'tnothin';letthemthatfindsthemistakescorrect'em.I'mforeveryone'shavin'awayoftheirown."

"Howdaredyoubesosaucytothemaster?"askedoneofthelittleboys,afterschool.

"BecauseIcouldlickhim,easy,"saidthehopefulJoshua,whoknewverywellwhythemasterdidnotundertakehimonthespot.

CanwewonderthatMasterHornerdeterminedtomakehisempiregoodasfarasitwent?

Anewexaminationwasrequiredontheentranceintoasecondterm,and,withwhateversecrettrepidation,themasterwasobligedtosubmit.Ourlawprescribesexaminations,butforgetstoprovideforthecompetencyoftheexaminers;sothatfewbetterfarcesofferthanthecourseofquestionandanswerontheseoccasions.WeknownotpreciselywhatwereMasterHorner'strials;butwehaveheardofasharpdisputebetweentheinspectorswhetherangelspelt_angle_or_angel_._Angle_hadit,andtheschoolmaintainedthatpronunciationeverafter.MasterHornerpassed,andhewasrequestedtodrawupthecertificatefortheinspectorstosign,asonehadlefthisspectaclesathome,andtheotherhadabadcold,sothatitwasnotconvenientforeithertowritemorethanhisname.MasterHomer'sexhibitionoflearningonthisoccasiondidnotreachus,butweknowthatitmusthavebeenconsiderable,sincehestoodtheordeal.

"Whatisorthography?"saidaninspectoronce,inourpresence.

Thecandidatewrithedagooddeal,studiedthebeamsoverheadandthechickensoutofthewindow,andthenreplied,

"ItissolongsinceIlearntthefirstpartofthespellingbook,thatIcan'tjustlyanswerthatquestion.ButifIcouldjustlookitover,IguessIcould."

Ourschoolmasterentereduponhissecondtermwithnewcourageandinvigoratedauthority.Twicecertified,whoshoulddaredoubthiscompetency?EvenJoshuawascivil,andlesserloutsofcourseobsequious;thoughthegirlstookmoreliberties,fortheyfeelevenatthatearlyage,thatinfluenceisstrongerthanstrength.

Couldayoungschoolmasterthinkofferulingagirlwithherhairinringletsandagoldringonherfinger?Impossibleandtheimmunityextendedtoallthelittlesistersandcousins;andtherewereenoughlargegirlstoprotectallthefemininepartoftheschool.WiththeboysMasterHornerstillhadmanyabattle,andwhetherwithaviewtothis,orasaneconomicalruse,heneverworehiscoatinschool,sayingitwastoowarm.Perhapsitwasanastuteattentiontotheprejudicesofhisemployers,wholovenomanthatdoesnotearnhis



livingbythesweatofhisbrow.Theshirtsleevesgavetheideaofamanuallaborschoolinonesenseatleast.Itwasevidentthatthemasterworked,andthataffordedaprobabilitythatthescholarsworkedtoo.

MasterHorner'ssuccesswasmosttriumphantthatwinter.Ayear'sgrowthhadimprovedhisoutwardmanexceedingly,fillingoutthelimbssothattheydidnotremindyousoforciblyofayoungcolt's,andsupplyingthecheekswiththefleshandbloodsonecessarywheremustacheswerenotworn.Experiencehadgivenhimadegreeofconfidence,andconfidencegavehimpower.Inshort,peoplesaidthemasterhadwakedup;andsohehad.Heactuallysetaboutreadingforimprovement;andalthoughattheendofthetermhecouldnotquitemakeoutfromhishistoricalstudieswhichsideHannibalwason,yetthisisreadilyexplainedbythefactthatheboardedround,andwasobligedtoreadgenerallybyfirelight,surroundedbyungovernedchildren.

Afterthis,MasterHornermadehisownbargain.Whenschooltimecameroundwiththefollowingautumn,andtheteacherpresentedhimselfforathirdexamination,suchatestwaspronouncednolongernecessary;andthedistrictconsentedtoengagehimattheastoundingrateofsixteendollarsamonth,withtheunderstandingthathewastohaveafixedhome,providedhewaswillingtoallowadollaraweekforit.MasterHornerbethoughthimofthesuccessive"killingtimes,"andconsequentdoughnutsofthetwentyfamiliesinwhichhehadsojournedtheyearsbefore,andconsentedtotheexaction.

Beholdourfriendnowashighasdistrictteachercaneverhopetobehisscholarshipestablished,hishomestationaryandnotrevolving,andthegoodbehaviorofthecommunityinsuredbythefactthathe,beingofage,hadnowafarmtoretireuponincaseofanydisgust.

MasterHornerwasatoncethepreeminentbeauoftheneighborhood,spiteoftheprejudiceagainstlearning.Hebrushedhishairstraightupinfront,andworeaskyblueribbonforaguardtohissilverwatch,andwalkedasifthetallheelsofhisbluntbootswereeggshellsandnotleather.Yethewasfarfromneglectingthedutiesofhisplace.HewasbeauonlyonSundaysandholidays;veryschoolmastertherestofthetime.

Itwasata"spellingschool"thatMasterHornerfirstmettheeducatedeyesofMissHarrietBangle,ayoungladyvisitingtheEnglehartsinourneighborhood.ShewasfromoneofthetownsinWesternNewYork,andhadbroughtwithheravarietyofcityairsandgracessomewhatcaricatured,setoffwithyearoldFrenchfashionsmuchtravestied.Whethershehadbeensentouttothenewcountrytotry,somewhatlate,arusticchanceforanestablishment,orwhetherhercompanyhadbeenfoundrathertryingathome,wecannotsay.Theviewwhichshewasatsomepainstomakeunderstoodwas,thatherfriendshadcontrivedthismethodofkeepingheroutofthewayofadesperateloverwhoseaddresseswerenotacceptabletothem.

Ifitshouldseemsurprisingthatsohighbredavisitorshouldbesojourninginthewildwoods,itmustberememberedthatmorethanonecelebratedEnglishmanandnotafewdistinguishedAmericanshavefarmerbrothersinthewesterncountry,nowhitlessrusticintheirexteriorandmanneroflifethantheplainestoftheirneighbors.Whenthesearevisitedbytheirrefinedkinsfolk,weofthewoodscatchglimpsesofthegayworld,orthinkwedo.

ThatgreatmedicinehathWithitstinctgilded



manyavulgarismtothesatisfactionofwiserheadsthanours.

MissBangle'smannerbespokeforherthathighconsiderationwhichshefelttobeherdue.Yetshecondescendedtobeamusedbytherusticsandtheirawkwardattemptsatgaietyandelegance;and,tosaytruth,fewofthevillagemerrymakingsescapedher,thoughsheworealwaystheairofgreatsuperiority.

Thespellingschoolisoneoftheordinarywinteramusementsinthecountry.Itoccursonceinafortnight,orso,andhaspowertodr

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