Sibling
Objectives
• Reasons for sibling rivalry
• Ways to reduce fighting among siblings
Sharing
• Did you quarrel a lot with your brothers and/or sisters?
• What angered you or made you jealous of your siblings?
• How did your parents handle your sibling battles?
Causes
• Different theories
• Conflict at home
• Not having tools to handle conflict
• Competing for the same resources
What can you do?
Expressing Feelings
• Acknowledge the feelings instead of dismissing them
• Give children in fantasy what they don’t have in reality: you wish he’d check with you before he starts
playing his drums
• Stop hurtful behavior but at the same time, show angry feelings can be channeled safely. Refrain from attacking the attacker
Give in fantasy what they don’t have in reality
Channeling feelings
Perils of comparisons
• What happens when you compare?
• Avoid both favorable and unfavorable comparisons because:
– Favorable comparison makes the “good” child swell with pride or puts pressure on him/her
– Unfavorable comparison makes the “bad” child feel less confident, hate the other child, or makes the child more competetive
Avoid even favorable comparisons
Treat uniquely, not equally
• Instead of worrying about giving equal amounts, focus on each child’s individual needs
• Instead of claiming equal love, show children how they’re loved uniquely
• Equal time can feel like less, so give time in terms of need
Sibling Roles
• Why do we assign different roles to our children? Example, A is a singer and B is a caretaker
• Can increase animosity between siblings
• Can lead to low self-esteem
• Roles can stick for life, e.g. always the “caretaker”
When kids fight!
First steps
1. acknowledging children’s anger towards each other
2. listen to each child’s side with respect
3. show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem
4. express faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution
5. Leave the room
When they can’t work out a problem together
1. Call a meeting and explain the ground rules
2. Write down each child’s concerns and feelings and read them aloud
3. Allow time for rebuttal
4. Invite everyone to come up with solutions and write down the ideas without evaluating
5. Decide upon the solutions you all can live with
6. Follow-up
Remember….
Communication is the key!
• All illustrations have been taken from “Siblings Without Rivalry” ©1998 Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Picadilly Press Ltd., London
