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Andrea Gaw
Dr. Bridgesmith
ICM 5003
February 09, 2010
My Personal Philosophy of Conflict Management
Conflict is a fundamental and inescapable fact of human life. From the begin-
nings of recorded history, conflict has shaped people, events, and societies in deep and
significant ways. In fact, two of the best-known Biblical stories of conflict - (1) Adam and
Eve and (2) Cain and Abel - are both found in the very first book of the Old Testament,
which clearly shows the central role of conflict in human relations. However, just be-
cause conflict plays a prominent role in human affairs does not mean that it is well un-
derstood. Quite to the contrary, conflict management falls into that category of subjects
that is so pervasive that most people do not realize that one can study, formalize and
practice it as an art and science. All people experience conflict in their respective lives,
and they handle these experiences in different ways, so they naturally conclude that
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they know how to “manage conflict.” Of course, this conclusion is incorrect. A system-
atic approach to conflict management can improve anyone’s ability to manage conflict in
a more efficient, successful, and positive manner.
My personal philosophy of conflict management took shape in a class I am tak-
ing. I am learning useful theoretical models, formal systems, and empirical-based pro-
cesses that show repeatedly that they produce the best outcomes for all interested par-
ties. The remainder of this paper will focus on four of these pieces of information: (1)
the STAR Approach to facilitated conflict resolution; (2) the formal System Designs ap-
proach to planning and conducting conflict management processes; (3) the Going Be-
low the Line process for addressing the deeper issues found in any negotiation; and (4)
the importance of knowing one’s own natural tendencies so that they are manageable
and produce unbiased outcomes. The four pieces combine form the important founda-
tion to my personal philosophy of conflict management.
The first important concept that shaped my personal philosophy is the five-stage
STAR Approach to facilitated conflict resolution, which is an ordered process for con-
ducting a mediation or negotiation session. The acronym STAR stands for Stage, Task,
Action, and Result, and each of these categories breaks down the different stages of
the conflict management session into small, manageable steps. Each stage has its own
associated Task, Action, and Result, and the goal of the STAR approach is to accom-
plish the specific result of each stage before moving on to the next stage. Facilitating
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conflict resolution, may move seamlessly through the five-stages much like a baseball
game. Sometimes the mediator can move quickly through the bases to reach home
plate, other times it takes a little longer, and regardless, starting over doesn’t automati-
cally guarantee a win. The final goal, of course, is to build these small positive results
into a successful negotiation.
The first stage of the STAR approach is “Convening,” which intends to accom-
plish the task of gathering all the interested parties involved and committed to the
process. This task is achieved by creating a safe environment. This can be accom-
plished by informing the parties and inviting them to engage in a positive constructive
process. Ideally, the result of this stage is to have won willingness from all the key deci-
sion-makers to work toward a negotiated solution to the conflict. At that point, the next
two stages of the approach - “Opening” and “Communicating,” work to open and im-
prove dialogue between the parties. The mediator uses techniques and skills to help the
disputants work toward an agreement or settlement, as opposed to accepting an im-
posed settlement by a third party. The ultimate scenario is that the parties start to have
a feeling of hopefulness and are expressing their concerns and needs in a constructive
mature manner. Additionally, it is important for the mediator at this stage, to convey a
genuine and sincere interest in the person and what they are saying, as well as to avoid
the appearance of being bias. The fourth stage of the approach - “Negotiating,” calls for
the mediator to be flexible and innovative. This stage seems the most challenging and
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exciting. Knowing within a split second the appropriate dispute resolution technique to
employ or which, way to move the next chess piece, takes practice and skill which is an
ongoing learning process. The last stage of the approach is “Closing.” If the mediator
has met the parties objectives and concerns, then they are ready to make an informed
decision. Consequently, closing requires mastering the other four stages.
The second concept I found to be interesting, and informative, is the formal “System
Designs” approach to planning and conducting conflict management processes in the
workplace. This tool is designed to help leaders and managers be pro-active in imple-
menting systems to deal with the complex ethical issues that can occur in the day-to-
day realities of leading and managing people. With the current legal system becoming
too costly, employees and employers are recognizing the importance of creating and
fostering a safe environment for raising concerns in a neutral environment. The System
Design process should also include encouraging employees to share in the decision-
making process at the lowest possible level, provide a positive feedback loop to foster
ideas, and promote a cooperative spirit to problem solving. System Design establishes
a sufficient structure and accountability to ensure issues are addressed and resolved
within an organization. This approach enables an organization to build trust, foster com-
munication, routinely take advantage of ideas and information, even unwelcome infor-
mation, from throughout its ranks. In effect, this approach requires management to nor-
malize the act of raising a concern and shifting organizational culture toward managing
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rather than avoiding or suppressing conflict. This is done through a systematic approach
to conflict management. Additionally, the System Design implementation and initial as-
sessment to managing an organization’s disputes, consist of five consecutive steps.
These components are the fundamental process to resolving complex problems within
an organization.
They include:
1. An assessment and examination of the types of conflict they are experiencing;
2. informing key decision makers about various conflict resolution options and tools,
and then proceeding to design the system that they deem to be appropriate;
3. start implementation of the detailed System Design;
4. evaluate the process of the System Design;
5. modify the design based on the results from the evaluation;
Moreover, conflicts and disagreements are a fact of life for most communities, societies
and organizations, and for the people who live and work in them. Disputes may be
among or between departments, employees, and supervisors or the company and its
customers or other members of the public. These examples are only a few reasons for
having a comprehensive understanding of how to manage disputes and bring them to a
successful resolution.
The third concept I found to be enlightening, is the “Going Below the Line” process
for addressing the deeper issues found in any negotiation. The following four steps res-
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onate with me the most from class discussions, speakers, and role playing. I believe
that the four steps below provide the mediator with a solid foundation to begin their role
in various disputes.
They Include:
(1) A successful mediator begins with “preparation;”
(2) “clarify the problems” between the parties;
(3) seek areas of “agreement” that are allowed to be shared between the dis-
putants;
(4) “problem-solve” finding solutions to resolve conflict through positive reinforce-
ment, (Mirroring back what they say in a non-judgmental way).
I want to take the opportunity to share some of the information, I learned through my ex-
periences in a Conflict of Management Survey class.
Each of the lectures and speakers reinforced the need for adequate “preparation” for
a successful mediation. Preparation provides the parties a level of comfort that the me-
diator, at least outwardly, shows confidence in addressing their issues. This initial first
impression is very important because the first part of a mediator’s job is to build trust.
The opportunity to build trust starts when a mediator introduces herself, and continues
to describe in detail her role, how mediation works including privacy and confidential is-
sues, and the ground rules of the session, which each party agrees upon. One of the re-
sponsibilities of mediators is in the way they present themselves. Their tone of voice,
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their body language, and the words they use, can affect the parties involved in a calm-
ing or distressing manner. The second responsibility of a mediator is to clarify the prob-
lems between the parties. A skilled mediator, understands the way to collect information
is through asking “open ended questions.” The role of the mediator is to discover what
has happened, from the point of view of each party, and why the conflict occurred. By
asking the parties open-ended questions, the mediator enables disputants to go below
the line of what happened and how they feel, and allows the parties to speak about the
raw issues at the root of their disagreement, thus allowing them to begin resolving their
conflict. By gradually gathering information, the mediator can help the parties have a
clearer understanding of each other’s interests and needs. When the mediator has
reached the parties interests and needs, they have moved below the line of fact finding,
and to the meat and potatoes of the conflict. If the involved parties stay in the area of ar-
guing about their respective positions within the conflict, it is very difficult to resolve the
issues. Additionally, it is important for the mediator to have superior listening skills. Be-
ing an active listener means that one must pay close attention to what each party is say-
ing. Making eye contact also reinforces to the parties that the listener is being attentive,
and respectful of their feelings.
A third important part of a mediator’s job is to seek areas of “agreement” that the
mediator may find between the disputants. There may be times when a mediator be-
lieves the need to meet separately with each party. These meetings are referred to as
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private sessions. These sessions may be helpful in gathering information that may be
difficult or embarrassing for the parties to share with each other. The mediator, with the
permission of each party, may present the information gathered from the private ses-
sions, in a way that is comfortable for the involved parties, which may help resolve or
diffuse the situation. Moreover, if the mediator and the involved parties have collected
all the information they need, the process moves to the “problem solve” stage, by find-
ing solutions through positive reinforcement from the mediator.
An important role of the mediator at this point is to summarize the issues to be re-
solved, from the information gathered, including the feelings and concerns expressed
during the session. The mediator should speak in a neutral manner and use neutral lan-
guage. Restating and reframing what is heard is a good tool to help people understand
their emotions. Finally, the mediator helps the parties resolve their conflict by presenting
different solutions to resolve their issues, until they reach a final agreement.
The fourth topic highlights the importance of knowing one’s own natural tendencies
so that one can manage to produce unbiased outcomes. Life experiences that one
encounters can produce biases that favor one party over another. If not managed ade-
quately, these experiences can have a negative influence or reaction to certain types of
conflict. Mediators need to have a solid understanding of their emotional triggers. In a
class lecture, a definition of homeostasis was described, as the tendency for all living
things to be resistance to change. The lecturer spoke about how people only change
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when the pain of not changing is more hurtful than the change itself. I found these two
concepts interesting. My interpretation is that the mediator must find a way to deal with
their pain and discomfort, when faced with a situation during a mediation that may
cause previous life experiences to resurface. I can only assume, at that particular time,
one’s natural tendency would be to give unseemly advice or make inappropriate re-
marks or suggestions. All of the above violates the role of a mediator. Learning how to
stay detached seems on the surface, to be cold, emotionless, and non-caring. But in re-
ality, a mediator is a neutral person, who helps people come to their own decisions
about how they want to resolve their conflict; your opinion about who is right or wrong
must not enter the conflict. Consequently, it is important not to take sides or play fa-
vorites during a mediation session. For these reasons, a clear understanding of ones’s
emotional set point that causes one to react in a biased way towards a certain situation
is a critical skill to master. Fully understanding one’s natural tendencies, requires the
willingness to grow emotionally and examine those areas that cause emotional pain or
discomfort. Ultimately, this will make you a superior mediator because you will under-
stand and acknowledge your biases.
In conclusion, understanding the stages of conflict is important to resolving conflict.
Mediators need to be good listeners and observers, be patient and understanding and
most of all be well balanced and unbiased to be able to see both sides of any issue.