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Lawrfm 2005, Revised 2015 Copyright
How to Say NO
with Positive Results
Worries from Saying NO
– Antagonizing people -- I cannot say NO because
people may think I am not helpful and may dislike me, desert me from the group, and I do not want to make people unhappy
– Fear of power / authority -- I cannot say NO, because
he/she is my boss / superior / senior
– Sympathy -- he/she really cannot do it. If I do not help
him/her, he/she will be in big trouble
– Lack of skills / personality -- I simply do not know
how to say NO
– Justifications -- the more I do, the better the appraisal
on my performance, the better my personal relationship with colleagues
– Others …
Say NO Responsibly Helps Everybody
– Cognitive re-structure • Saying NO is reacting
positiviely to people
• Saying YES but actually you want to say NO is hurting people
– Say NO Responsibly
– Say NO Helpfully
– Say NO Happily
Saying NO is Positive Response
– Direct people to the right resource
– Assure quality of the work done
– Make everybody happy ultimately
Saying YES but actually Want to Say NO
– Create false expectations
– Suppress emotions
– May not be the right resource to handle the task • Quality of work not assured
– Risk that nobody will be happy in the end • The unhappiest party will most probably be you
• You help, but not wholeheartedly. People can tell and may not appreciate what you have done. You will feel terrible and be upset if you have sacrified something along the way.
How to Say NO
– Say No with a recommendation / alternative • That you are not saying NO, but offering an
alternative way to achieve what is desired
– Diction / Language • Avoid negative words like
– “I cannot”, “This is not my work”
• Use postive language like – “ I may not be the right person to help you. How
about ….”
– “Thanks for having confidence in me doing this task, however, I am not trained in this aspect. Perhaps … “
– Answer a request with a question. For instance … • “May I know why you think I can help?” Through
converstion, find an opportunity to brief him/her your core duties are not appropriate for the job. This approach also creates an informal atmosphere to discuss things in details and in a more amiable manner
How to Say NO (contd)
• Buy time, or to get help – For instance, “I am not sure how I
can be of help. Let me think about it and come back to you.” Or “I need to discuss it with my boss on time management and division of work, can I come back to you?” Important that you need to go back fast -- within a day or two to say NO.
• Use external resources to help say
NO – For instance, clash of job
schedules, or on holiday • Risk. When the party changes
schedule, it makes it more difficult to say NO
– For instance, send an email to your boss and request clarification of your work duties, then forward / share the answer email to justify you cannot provide assistance
How to Say NO (contd)
– Preemptive appraoch • Say NO first before a request is made
– For instance, in discussing a project, describe your job role and identify the work scope.
• Examples
– “We can help with the planning and concept development, but as for the logistics of the venue and catering, you need to find people to handle it.”
– “I can help you identify the appropriate governemnt contact and brain-storm ideas, but the follow-up and the actual program logistics, your team needs to handle that.”
Things to Avoid in Saying NO
• Delay – If you decide to say NO, say it fast
without unnecessary delay
• Unclear message – Say NO in a precise and
straighforward manner. Do not leave any room for misunderstanding
