Download - Energy psychology-by-tapping-on-acupuncture-points-

Remove PainPhysical and Emotional

with

Energy Psychology

By Tapping on Acupuncture Points

Robert Elias Najemy

Robert Elias Najemy - 2 - Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional


Remove Pain

& Be Free to Be Happywith

Energy Psychology By Tapping on Acupuncture Points

by Robert Elias Najemy

Dedication:

I dedicate this book to Dr. Roger Callahan and Gary Craigand to all the other pioneers of Energy Psychology

and, of course. to you that you may now benefit from it.

© 2002 by Robert Elias Najemy. All rights reserved.

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com Athens, Greece

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmittedby any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,

without written permission from the author.

ISBN: 1-4033-8035-X (Electronic)ISBN: 1-4033-8036-8 (Softcover)

This book is printed on acid free paper.

1stBooks – rev. 10/17/02


Email Courses byAuto-responder FREE

NEW EMAIL COURSES

Visithttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/cours

es/index.asp

You can now follow email courses for yourcontinued education, interest and benefit.

These are the result of 35 years of research andteaching to over 20,000 people. You will findthem easily understandable, interesting andbeneficial. We suggest, however, that you applyfor each course separately or at least on differentdays so that they do not come to you all at onceand you do not have time to digest them.

The following are courses to which you cansubscribe by simply clicking on the link at thebottom of each brief description. This will createone email which you will then send in. You needwrite nothing on it.

As a result you will receive one email eachweek until the course is completed. (For thenumber of weeks indicated for that course.)

You can remove yourself from the course at anytime.

Most of them are free and others are free whenyou order one of our books.

We welcome your comments and suggestions.

1. Learning Through Relationships andLife’s Experiences18 lessons examining case histories ofrelationship situations and life problems and whatwe might learn from them. E x t r e m e l yinteresting and [email protected] FREE

2. Codependency and Cocommitment inRelationships15 lessons which investigate and give solutionsto the problem of confused feelings of

responsibility and dependency in relationships.Basic for healthy [email protected]

3. Dealing with the Departure of LovedOnes12 Lessons which give us insight into how to dealwith the feelings and beliefs which come forthwhen we lose a loved one. Essential for all whohave lost loved [email protected]

4. Supporting Our Loved Ones During theirTransition6 segments dealing with how we can supportthose who are close to death in ways whichsimultaneously make their lives more beautifuland their transition more conscious and [email protected]

5. Creating Health, Vitality and Harmony -Naturally19 Segments with suggestions on how to eat,exercise and live so as to create health.Important for all [email protected]

6. Relaxation and Positive Imagery forPeace and Health25 lessons in relaxation with guidelines as tohow to relax and focus on positive realities such asself-esteem, love, self-confidence, health etc.Essential for all of us. You can also order CD’sor cassettes with guided relaxations athttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/[email protected]

7. Learning to Love Ourselves.17 segments on how we can overcome obstaclesto accepting and loving ourselves as we are whilesimultaneously moving forward to become whowe would like to be. We all need [email protected]

8. Creating Happy, Harmonious, LovingRelationships35 articles on how to create conscious, happyand loving relationships. For couples but also forall. [email protected]

9. Overcoming Our Fears.9 parts on how to identify and transcend ourfears and phobias. We all fear something.


[email protected] 6 -10. Learning from Life’s Lessons

24 segments guiding us through a process, withabundant examples, to find the lessons we canlearn from our difficult life situations andespecially others’ annoying behavior. This canchange our [email protected]

11. Learning to Love Others15 lessons on how we can overcome our fearsand obstacles and love others more steadily andwithout obstacles. We really want to love [email protected]

12. Finding and Living Our Life Purpose10 sessions along with questionnaires designedto aid us discover our inner purpose and how wecan live it. Only then can we be [email protected]

13. Managing Our Emotions18 parts on how to understand and free ourselvesfrom unpleasant emotions which lessen our peaceand happiness. This course is a prerequisite [email protected]

14. Reconciling Inner Conflicts7 lessons on how to identify our inner conflicts,which drain our energy and obstruct our peaceand happiness. Most of us are not even aware ofour conflicting [email protected] FREE

15. Cultivating Spiritual Qualities16 messages concerning how we can alignourselves with our love, peace, sincerity andhumility in order to manifest our higher nature.We all seek our higher spiritual [email protected]

16. Being ready for our Departure fromOur Physical Body whenever it happens.19 explanations and questionnaires that allowus to look death in the face so that we can livefearlessly. We will all face this moment as [email protected]

17. Communicating With Our Children16 segments on what our children need and howwe can communicate with them more honestlyand effectively. A must for all parents [email protected]

18. Healing Our Inner Child10 messages with guidance and questionnairesdesigned to help us become familiar with, healand free our inner child so that we may experienceo u r p o w e r a n d s e l f - e s t e e m [email protected]

19. Contemporary Parables15 stories and models that enable us tounderstand deep truths in simple and easily-comprehended ways. These also aid us inexplaining truths to [email protected]

20. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom12 truths based on the Course in Miracles whichallow us to reevaluate our perception of reality soas to perceive the divine potential in all beings andsituations. These transform our [email protected]

21. The Art of Meditation18 emails with guidance about how to meditateincluding various practical and theoretical aspectsof [email protected]

22. Forgiving Others and Ourselves15 lessons on how we can forgive others and alsoour own selves. Forgiveness is a prerequisitefor freedom, peace and [email protected]

23. The Roles we Play and how to Dealwith them.12 segments explaining the basic roles asdescribed in the Celestine Prophecy. Solutions aregiven for getting free from these [email protected]

24. Experiences for Couples for GreaterCommunication and Love

28 exercises which you can do together so as toexperience greater honesty, unity and love.A m u s t f o r a l l [email protected]


Table of Contents

Free to be Happy ... 8 Credentials and Legal Statement ...9 Introduction ... 101. What is EFT? ... 112. How to employ EFT .. 14 Points to tap on … 18 Reminder of the Process … 22 Acupuncture Points … 26 EFT flow Diagram … 27 EFT Process Worksheet … 283. The Stages of Employing EFT ... 294. Methodology and Modifications ... 315. Working with Aspects of Emotions with EFT ... 346. Uses of EFT and Dealing with Aspects ... 377. Case Histories and a Study in Aspects in EFT -1 ... 428. Case Histories and a Study in Aspects in EFT - 2 ... 469. Overcoming Fear ... 5310. EFT and Health Issues ... 5611. Uses of EFT and Dealing with Addictions ... 5912. Working on Goals with EFT ... 6213. EFT and Self-esteem ... 6614. EFT & Opening to Love ... 7015. Using E.F.T. to Aid the Process of Forgiveness ... 7416. EFT & Romantic Rejection ... 7817. EFT and Coping with the Departure of Loved Ones ... 8318. EFT and Codependency ... 8919. EFT & Dealing with Victims ... 9620. EFT & Dealing with Aloof Persons ... 10221. EFT & Dealing with Interrogators ... 10622. EFT & Dealing with Intimidators ... 10923. EFT and Obstacles to Communication ... 11224. EFT and Obstacles to Harmonious Love Relationships ... 11725. Healing Childhood Experiences with EFT ... 12026. EFT for Inner Conflicts ... 12727. EFT & Finding our Life Purpose ... 13428. EFT for Meditation and Prayer ... 13929. EFT & the Impending Departure from the Physical Body ... 14130. A Unifying Theory ... 143 Epilogue ... 149


Remove Pain and be Free to be Happy

Why this title and what does it mean?

We all seek happiness and yet it eludes us.

Throughout the history of humanity, men and women have sought to discover andshare with others effective solutions for human suffering and other limitations to ourmanifestation of our unlimited inner happiness, peace, love, creativity, productivityand harmony.

All religious, philosophical and psychological systems seek that same goal.

We could also call this book.

Free to be Peaceful.

Free to Love Unconditionally

Free to be Creative

Free to Solve your Problems

Free to be Healthy

Free to Manifest your Unlimited Potential

Free to Realize your Spiritual Self

Finally Dr. Roger Callahan has discovered a method which enables all of this.

One of his students, Gary Craig, has simplified Dr. Callahan’s discovery so that morecan benefit from it.

This book deals with how to employ that new discovery in all aspects of your life andfor all of your important issues.

May you enjoy the freedom to behappy,

healthy,loving,creative

andharmoniousin your life.


Legal StatementYou are the only person who can be

morally and legally responsible for you.

I am not licensed to tell you what to do with yourlife. Even if I was, I would not, because I believethat you know better than anyone what is best foryou.

Only you can actually create your own health,happiness and fulfillment. The rest of us are hereto support you in this.

The techniques described in this book, to myknowledge, have never harmed anyone. They mayoccasionally bring to surface hidden or repressedemotions, which could perhaps create somemoments or hours of discomfort as our energybegins to flow, bringing to the surface whateverhas been obstructing that energy flow.

If you have doubts about performing theseprocedures or at some point do not feel well, youwill always want to refer to your own doctor ormental health professional and ask for theirguidance.

I also suggest that you consult with a trained EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner inyour area for help. Many of these practitioners arealso registered doctors or psychotherapists.

Thus, before reading this book and employingthese techniques, understand that you are takingtotal responsibility for your own physical,emotional, mental and spiritual health andwellbeing.

Thus, if you cannot agree with taking totalresponsibility for your own wellbeing and holding

me totally free from any responsibility, asmentioned above, then you can if you like, returnthis book within 30 days and have a total refund.

What are my credentials?

During the last 35 years I have assisted, throughpersonal appointments, lectures, classes andseminars, over 20,000 people in creating theirphysical, mental, emotional and spiritual healthand harmony.

I have taught around 25,000 hours of classes andseminars and have directed a spiritual center witha membership of around 3500 persons for the last26 years. I am the author of 21 books, 500 lecturecassettes and around 300 videocassettes. Around100,000 books and 300,000 lecture cassetteshave been sold.

I am, however, not a doctor, nor a psychologist.

My university degree is in chemical engineeringand now I might be called an “Engineer of HumanHarmony”. I am a member of the EuropeanAssociation for Counseling.

My main credential, however, is my desire todedicate as much of my life as possible to creatinga more harmonious world for all to live in.

I am trying. I sometimes get discouraged, butthere is no other purpose which excites me asmuch or has as much meaning for me.Discovering EFT and its unprecedentedeffectiveness has created a whole new dimensionto this process.


Introduction

This is a handbook for employing EFT on a widevariety of issues as well as towards importantgoals of all types.

We might call it EFT for Self-knowledge andtotal freedom.

We start by explaining how to use EFT for dealingwith emotions and physical problems.

The remaining chapters are dedicated to enablingour effective use of EFT for removing allobstacles to clarity, inner peace, happiness, lovefor ourselves and others and in general themanifestation of our various needs and goals.

I am so deeply grateful to Dr. Roger Callahanand Gary Craig for their dedicated work towardsoffering this unprecedentedly powerful andeffective technique for human transformation.

Never before has there been such an objectivelyand repeatedly reliable method for freeingourselves from fears and other negative emotions,as well as inner obstacles to health, happiness,peace, love and the manifestation of our goals inlife.

In this book I have combined EFT with anabundance of information and possibleapplications acquired in my 35 years of workingwith myself and thousands of people on freeingourselves from obstacles to happiness.

Many of you will find my book The Psychologyof Happiness, a useful companion to this work.Additionally, you can find an abundance of usefularticles and information on our web sitehttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com

I am always open to your feedback concerninghow we can improve our work. I am especiallyinterested in hearing from you concerning yourdiscoveries, successes and even failures (which wemight be able to transform) while using EFT.

Experience or Flow?

In this book you will find a number of lists andsuggestions which are the result of over 3 decadesof experience in working with people’s emotions,beliefs and reactions. They can be helpful forthose with less experience as they might containpossibilities, which you may not have thought ofor experienced.

However the flow of EFT is magical and often verydifferent from what we expect. This flow ofemotional and physical aspects is incrediblyhealing and should never be interrupted orobstructed because of our personal perceptions orideas.

Thus we suggest that you just employ EFT andfollow your own or the other’s flow which isbrought about by the tapping. If however, you getstuck or feel there may be aspects, which are notbeing dealt with and thus you are not getting theresults you would like, these lists and suggestioncan be extremely helpful.Priority however must always be given to the flowthat comes forth from within us or others.

You may want to look at this list of other resourcesfor energy psychology in the epilogue.

Thought Field Therapy (Roger Callahan)http://www.tftrx.com

Emotional Freedom Techniques (Gary Craig)http://www.emofree.com

Be Set FREE Fast (Larry Nims)http://members.aol.com/DNNN/manual.html

Association for Meridian Therapieshttp://www.theamt.com

EFT & Choices (Pat Carrington)http://www.eft-innovations.comhttp://www.eftsupport.com

Tapas Acupressure Technique (Tapas Fleming)http://www.tat-intl.com/ www.unstressforsuccess.com

EmoTrance (Silvia Hartmann)http://starfields.org/ or http://emotrance.com Holistic Harmony Network (Robert Najemy)http://www.HolisticHarmony.com


Chapter one

What is EFT?

EFT stands for E m o t i o n a l F r e e d o mTechniques and is one of a number of energy-based psychological or psychotherapeuticmethods based on the regulation andharmonization of the human energy system whilewe are focused on a certain ordinarily disturbingthought.

Its founder Gary Craig, previously a civil engineer,has been dedicated for many years to helpingpeople live happier lives. He learned the basics ofthis method from his teacher Dr. Roger Callahan.

In 1980 Dr. Roger Callahan, a dedicatedpsychologist, after many years of relentlessempirical and intuitive searching for moreeffective ways to relieve his clients of theirproblems, made an incredible discovery which willforever change the nature of psychology andphysical and mental therapy.

A Leap in Perception

This discovery is such a quantum jump in ourperception of the nature of mental and physicalillness that some professionals cannot yetembrace it because of their inability to let go ofprevious conceptions.

Until recently, I was one of those who could notembrace it. Around 15 years ago I first saw Dr.Callahan’s Love Pain video where hedemonstrated his healing technique in whichthrough a tapping procedure people overcame thepain they felt upon of the loss of loved ones.

I observed that truly the people seemed to feelbetter. But I put the video on the shelf for 15years, even though I have been working withpeople’s problems daily all these years.

Understanding EFT

My training is as a chemical engineer. After twoyears of working for Uniroyal Chemical, I decidedthat I would prefer to work with people ratherthan machines and chemicals. I have dedicatedthe last 35 years of my life to researching andemploying techniques for enhancing humanharmony on all levels; physical, emotional,mental, social, professional and spiritual. I have

then shared these techniques with others throughbooks, lectures and seminars.

Because of my training as an engineer I feel theneed to understand the mechanisms behindwhatever I do. They have to fit into my perceptionof reality as a human being. I could notunderstand what I saw on that first video.Additionally, I need to try out whatever I do onmyself first.

I often thought of trying out the Love Pain videoon others, but felt that I would look foolish and soI left it on the shelf. About a year ago, a dearfriend of mine said that she would be interested intaking a course in energy psychology at auniversity. I immediately recalled that old videoand we watched it together.

A New World of Possibilities

From that day, I have been employing it on myselfand hundreds of others in seminars andcounseling sessions. A whole new world ofpossibilities has opened up to me. I am so deeplygrateful to Dr. Callahan and his student GaryCraig for bringing this new information to thepublic.

Before EFT, I often felt discouraged when workingwith people because even though I was offering acombination of the best (in my perception) ofwhat existed, I was not satisfied with the results.(In our seminars and personal appointments weuse Active Listening, Psychoanalysis, Cognitivetherapy, Journaling, Behavioral Therapy, EMDR,Childhood regressions, Gestalt Dialoguing, BodyCentered Psychology, Rebirthing, Catharsis work,spiritual healing and various teachings. Some ofour seminars meet once a week for six years.)

I still feel that all of the above are beneficial, butnone of them compares with TFT or EFT foractually liberating a person from his or herproblem.I am so happy that I now have a tool that I knowwill work, and that is so simple that it can betaught to others.

Instant Cures

Interestingly enough, Dr. Callahan actually wentthrough an economic crisis some years after his


discovery because he actually cured his patients inone or two sessions and did not have to see themover and over. Neither would people say, “lookthis is something which previously would havetaken 20 visits, so please let me pay youaccordingly.” Additionally, it is probable thatmany of those problems would not have beencured at all with other methods.

This indicates the effectiveness of this system.

How does it work ?

For a more detailed analysis of how this discoverywas made you can refer to Dr. Callahan’s site(http://www.tftrx.com) or Gary Craig’s site(http://www.emofree.com) where you can ordertheir books and videos.

I will give my own interpretation or “unifyingtheory” of why this works in a later chapter.

In 1980, Dr. Callahan had a patient, Mary, (theyhave both appeared on national TV a number oftimes to tell this story) who had an extreme fear ofwater. She could not even watch it on TV and wasafraid when it rained. They had been working onthis problem for a year and had come to the pointof getting Mary to Dr. Callahan΄s home to sit farfrom the pool and analyze what she was feelingand how she could overcome this.

According to Dr. Callahan, their onlyaccomplishment was that Mary discovered thatshe could withstand much more pain than sheknew.She never stopped feeling intense fear. One dayshe was suffering intensely because of herpresence near the water and she also mentionedthat her abdominal area was hurting her. (Anatural reaction when we feel fear). That was acrucial moment in history, because Dr. Callahanremembered that there was an acupuncture pointfor the stomach meridian just on the cheekboneand he asked her to tap there.

She tapped only a few times and looked up andsaid, “it’s gone”. Dr. Callahan had no idea whatshe meant and what was happening. Not only washer stomach pain gone but also her fear. She gotup and approached the pool with no fearwhatsoever.

Today her fear is still gone!

What could not be accomplished by a year ofweekly psychotherapy meetings with one of themost accomplished psychologists in the country

was achieved in less that 30 seconds by tapping onthe cheek bone.

Dr. Callahan did not know how to interpret andintegrate what had happened. It took him anumber of years and dedicated research togradually create the most powerful therapeutictool known.

For details of that process you can refer to hisbooks, cassettes, videos and courses.

S0 what is this system?

It is simple.

1. We focus on the thought (stimulus, emotionor physical phenomenon) which brings forth theunpleasant emotional or physical problem such asfear, hurt, anger, guilt or some physical pain.

2. We measure how intense our feeling orpain is from 0 - 10. This is called the SUD(Subjective Units of Disturbance). Zero means nodisturbance at all. Ten means we are feeling themaximum intensity we can imagine. (Consideringour present frame of reference.)

3. Then we tap on certain acupuncturepoints on the face, chest and hands. (There arealso other aspects to this procedure we willexplain later.) Tapping on the acupuncture pointsinitiates the flow of energy through the energychannels or meridians, thus correcting thedisturbance in the energy field associated withthat problem.

4. Then we again check our SUD or intensity offeeling. If it has not gone to 1 or zero then we tapon these points again.

5. We keep doing this tapping, checking how wefeel, until the problem disappears.

That is basically all there is to it. Employing it,however, requires more detailed knowledge ofwhat to do. This will be covered in this book.

The concept is that when we are focused on theparticular thought which bothers us, then thepart icular disturbed energy pattern(“perturbation” according to Dr Callahan or“disruption in the body’s energy system”according to Gary Graig) associated with thisthought is present and predominant in our body’s


energy system. This creates our emotional andphysical state.

Gary’s explanation is: “The cause of all negativeemotions is a disruption in the body’s energysystem.”

When we tap on these acupuncture points, we areaffecting and releasing the flow in that field andthus removing the blockages and disturbanceswhich were creating the emotion and/or physicalproblem.

Sometimes this correction is only temporary, butusually it is permanent.

EFT or TFT ?

If Dr. Callahan is the founder, why are westudying his student’s, Gary Craig’s, system andnot Dr. Callahan’s?

They are basically the same system. Thedifferences are slight.

Sequence:

1. Dr. Callahan believes that it is essential to tapon certain points in a specific order that isdetermined by his diagnostic testing approachusing arm strength testing or “Voice Technology”(Both are beyond the scope of this book).

2. Gary Craig has found that he can get the sameresults by tapping on 12 specific points whilefocusing on the disturbing thought or physicalproblem. This way is much simpler and does notrequire that you to be tested.

100% OVERHAUL

Gary’s system, which is a general (100%) overhaulof the energy system, also automatically correctsfor possible Psychological Reversal - a type ofinner resistance (electrical and psychological)towards improvement, whether it exists or not.Otherwise we would have to test for this,something that is difficult for those untrained inthe field.

In the case that there actually was no innerresistance, correcting for it does not create it.Thus there is no reason not to do it. It takes lesstime to correct it than check for it.

Lastly, Dr. Callahan has ceased using affirmationswith his tapping procedure, while they still play animportant role in Gary’s general overhaul.

I have great respect and gratitude for Dr. Callahanand believe that professionals working withserious psychological problems would definitelybenefit from his techniques. I am, however,basically working with people with averagepsychological problems and those seeking self-improvement. Therefore, I have chosen to workwith Emotional Freedom Techniques, a simpleradaptation of Dr. Callahan’s Thought FieldTherapy, because others can learn and apply tothemselves.

Having said this, let us now move on to how toemploy EFT.

(For a more detailed theory of why and how thisworks see chapter on a Unifying Theory)


Chapter two

How to employ EFT

I will describe here the procedure for EFT as it istaught by Gary Craig in “The Manual” to be foundon his site www.emofree.com.

I would suggest that you download it, read it andif interested, order his video course.

So what I am going to present you here is basicallyGary Craig’s EFT which is a modification of Dr.Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT).

In a later chapter I will explain some minoralterations we have created in our employmenthere in the Center for Holistic Harmony.(www.HolisticHarmony.com)

Note about employing EFT on others:

Although theoretically anyone could share thiswith another, my personal feeling is that this maynot be a good idea in some cases. Some peoplehave much pent up pain and fear and tapping insome cases can bring this up to the surfacecreating situations which require the expertise of aprofessional experienced in dealing withemotional crises.This may happen in only 10 % of the cases, but Ithink that this is high enough of a possibility forpeople who want to work on serious problems todo so with the guidance of an experiencedprofessional.The professional need not be trained in EFT butshould be familiar with how to deal withemotions, which might surface. Many EFTpractitioners are also doctors or psychotherapists.On the other hand, people all over the world arelearning EFT and employing it on themselves withwonderful results.

My perception is that participating in a weekendseminar on EFT and learning all the details is notthe same as being told by a friend to just tap onsome points.As with all techniques, it is better to becomeextremely proficient in this method before youstart sharing it with others.

Those interested in becoming EFT practitioners inorder to help others can do so throughwww.emofree.com.

The Round

We will refer to the whole procedure as one round.

Each round consists of four steps. The secondand fourth steps are the same.

Step 1. The Setup

a. We bring to mind the emotion or physicalproblem we want to free ourselves from, bycorrecting the energy flow associated with thatdisturbed energy field.

b. We estimate the SUD or subjective units ofdiscomfort (or disturbance) from 0 to 10, wherezero means no discomfort, emotion or painwhatsoever and ten means the highest we canimagine.If working alone, it might be good to write thisdown so you can remember how disturbed youwere at the start.If employing this on someone else, you also maywant to write this down so as to follow theprocedure and remember where you are.

c. Now we correct for psychologicalreversal just in case it is present.

Some people have an inner resistance to gettingwell. Whatever approach they employ, it justdoesn’t work for them. These persons might havesubconscious beliefs, needs or fears, which arepreventing improvement. We would suspect thatthey have some subconscious “benefit” or“protection” from not achieving the improvementthey are consciously seeking. I would agree withthis concept.Dr. Callahan has hypothesized that there isactually a reversal in the polarity of thebody’s energy field, which prevents thecorrection from taking place when employing


TFT, EFT or any other healing technique for thatmatter.Gary uses the example of a battery being placedwith the wrong polarity in a cassette player. It willsimply not work, whatever we do. Thus, if there ispsychological reversal, our tapping will not be ableto correct the disturbed energy field.

This became very obvious to Dr. Callahan when helearned “arm testing” which shows how ourthoughts affect our energy field. When hepurposely thought positive thoughts his arm wasstrong. When he thought disturbing thoughts, hisarm went weak. This is also the case for truth andlies. When we speak the truth, our arm becomesstrong to external resistance. (Someone pushingdown on it.) When we say something incontradiction with our inner feelings or truth,then our extended arm loses strength againstsomeone pushing down on it. We can also checkout the effect of food substances on our energyfield in this way.

He was working with a woman who was coming tohim for help to lose weight. After some time, whenshe was not getting any results, he asked her tohold out her arm and he pushed on it to test itsstrength. He then asked her to say, “I want to loseweight.” When she said this, her arm becameweaker against his pressure. He then asked her tosay, “I do not want to lose weight.” When she said

this, her arm became stronger. This indicatedthat in truth she did not actually want tolose weight. This was his first realization of theexistence of psychological reversal in the energyfield.

Thus, in some cases, we have an energy orpsychological reversal as it is called in TFT andEFT, which needs to be corrected in order to getthe results we want.

According to Gary’s experience, about 40% of ushave psychological reversal on some issues. Fewerhave a general reversal on most of their life issues.These people usually are those who havedepression, serious diseases and / or addictions toself-sabotaging substances such as drugs, alcohol,cigarettes etc. We will discuss this further.

Some of us have a subconscious tendency toundermine our own efforts perhaps because webelieve we do not deserve a better reality or wefear success for some reason.

In Gary’s 100% overhaul we correct for anypossible psychological reversal just in case. Welose nothing, because if there was no reversal,then we have simply spent less than 30 secondscorrecting for something, which wasn’t there. Itdoes not create reversal if there was none to beginwith.

How do we correct for psychological reversal?

There are basically four ways.

1. The simplest is to tap on the side of the hand at the point on the hand where wewould hit a piece of wood if we were hitting it with a karate chop. (Doesn’t matter whichhand).

(In Dr. Callahan’s TFT, there is no need to saying anything while tapping.)

In EFT, while tapping, we repeat the setup phrase, which could be something likethis:

a.1. Even though I have this (fill in your emotion) _______, I deeply and profoundlylove and accept myself.a.2. I love and accept myself even though I have this (fill in your emotion) _______.a.3. Even though I have this (fill in your emotion) _______, I love and accept myselfexactly as I am.

You can formulate your own phrase as long as it contains these two aspects:


* Recognition or acknowledgment of what you feel.* Acceptance and love of yourself even with what you feel.

We will give other examples of the setup phrases for psychological reversal throughoutthe book.

2. The second method is to repeat these same affirmations as we rub the “sore spot”.This is on the side of the chest approximately 3 inches down and 3 inches to the right orleft of the hollow spot at the top of the sternum, in the center of the chest. (See thediagram.)

We should rub with circular movements pushing inwards rubbing the skin over thebones and muscles, not rubbing our fingers over the skin or clothing.

We will present you a modification of this setup procedure in a future chapter.

These are the two basic methods of removing psychological reversal; repeating the setupphrase as we either tap on the side of the hand or rub the sore spot. It does not matteron which side of the body we tap or rub. We can also change.

3. Dr. Callahan has discovered that in some cases the Bach Flower “RescueRemedy” can correct for psychological reversal. Four drops under the tongue or with aglass of water should do.

4. There is a fourth method also discovered by Dr. Callahan, which will be explainedlater, which is called “Collarbone Breathing”.

As this procedure is more time consuming (about two to four minutes) it is used whenwe have tried all other forms of correcting psychological reversal and still are not gettingthe results we would like.

So this is step one. We:* Focus on the thought, which causes ourdisturbance.* Estimate the SUD or degree of discomfort.* Correct for possible psychological reversal.

Step 2: The Tapping Sequence

We are now ready to tap on the twelve pointsso as to remove the disturbance in the energyfield.

These points are usually the beginning or endpoints of the acupuncture meridians (energychannels) and can be seen on the accompanyingdiagram. We tap on them about seven timeseach in this sequence. It really does not matterhow many times you tap. It should however bemore than five.

This initiates the flow of energy through theseenergy channels, thus correcting the disturbancein the energy field associated with that problem.

There are many ways to tap which different peoplefind suitable as they work with EFT. In general,however, tapping should have a good pace - nottoo slow - and with an abrupt percussive hit oneach tap. But never painful or in anywaydamaging.

One hypothesis is that we are creating, by tapping,a piezoelectric impulse, which causes the energy toflow throughout the meridians.

We tap with the tips of the index and middlefinger of either hand. The area covered by thesetwo fingers is larger than the area of the pointsthemselves and gives us a safety factor of hittingon the point when we tap.


We could even switch hands while tapping, ifone gets tired.

Reminder Phrase

As we tap at each point, we can verbally, orperhaps mentally in cases where we do not wantto be heard, repeat the “reminder phrase”. Thereminder phrase is simply a declaration ofwhich energy field we are tapping on. This helpsus to be focused on this particular energy fieldas we tap, correcting this particular field withour tapping.

Thus the reminder phrase will mention theemotion or physical problem we are tapping forand perhaps also the stimulus for that.

For example:

Fear of heights.Fear of speaking in front of othersFear of being abandonedAnger when they correct me.Pain in the lower back.Anxiety about this test.

The more specific the phrase, the better.We could just say:

This fearAngerAnxietyPain

But then the tapping would be addressed to amuch larger and more complicated energy fieldmade up of many various types of fears, anger,anxiety or pain. If we employ daily a number ofrounds on this general issue for weeks, we willeventually have results. In many cases,however, as we are tapping for a generalemotion or issue, we will become aware ofspecific problems, which will arise to be workedon.

This is the beauty of EFT. When we work on anyparticular desired state such as freedom from

fear, anxiety, pain or anger, it will bring into ourthought field the various specific obstaclestowards that goal.

We work specifically on those particular obstaclesand gradually remove all the “bars” to ourfreedom. This will be understood more clearly further on.

We repeat the reminder phrase one time for eachpoint that we tap. We tap a number of times (sayabout seven) while we repeat this phrase verballyor mentally. In the case of physical problems itmay be simpler just to close our eyes and focus onthe part of the body where the phenomena (suchas pain) we are tapping for is centered.

We tap on only one energy field

It is extremely important that we focus on onlyone energy field when we work. We should notfocus on more than one emotion or problem. Thiswill bring forth two different sets of data into theenergy field that we are tapping on and willprevent us from having results.

I would like to make a personal observationconcerning confused energy fields. When I wasfirst employing EFT, I noticed that whenever Ifocused on an emotion I wanted to work with, mymind would, out of habit, bring forth anintellectual construct as to why I need not feel thisway. I had been working for so many years withbringing positive thoughts to mind that this washappening automatically.

These positive thoughts, however, always existedparallel to the negative emotions. They actuallynever replaced them. Now, while doing EFT, theautomatically appearing positive thought wascreating interference in the energy field of theemotion I was tapping for.

I made an effort to stop this tendency of bringingthe positive to the mind. This allowed the negativeemotion to be the only energy field present whiletapping and thus the tapping was more effective.


After some rounds of EFT, resulting in thelowering of the SUD, the positive perceptionappears by itself now without the negativefeeling.

For this reason, when the level of discomfort(SUD) is lowered, we can introduce the positivealternative perceptions.


The points

Refer to the accompanying diagram to see wherethe points are located. We are also mentioning,for those interested, the acupuncture meridiansand the numbers of the points where we tap. It isnot necessary to know or understand these. Ipersonally am not proficient in this science.

We usually tap in this sequence:

1. The corner of the eyebrow where it uniteswith the bridge of the nose. Referred to as EBEyebrow point. (Bladder Meridian 2)

2. The side of the eye on the temple. SE - sideof eye. (Gall Bladder 1)

3. Under the eye at the lower part of the bone.UE - under eye. (Stomach Meridian 2)

4. Under the nose and above the lip. U N -under nose (Governing Vessel Meridian 25 - 26)

5. Under the lower lip and above the chin. Ch– chin (Conception Vessel Meridian 24)

6. Under the armpit on the side of the bodyapproximately level with the nipples. UA - underarm (Spleen Meridian 21)

This is a slight modification of Gary’s series(remember according to Gary it does not matter inwhich series we tap). This will be explained later.

7. Under the collarbone and directly to the leftor right of the sternum. This is in the soft spot justbelow the collarbone (the highest horizontal boneon the front of the body) and to the side of thesternum (the vertical bone in the center of thechest) CB - collarbone point. (Kidney Meridian27)

This point is not to be confused with the sore spotwhere we rub in order to correct psychologicalreversal. The sore spot is further from the centerand lower than the collarbone point.

8. On the outside of the thumb at the pointwhere the nail unites with the skin. (If you placeyour palms on your abdomen, the part you tap onwill be turned up towards your head.) Th - Thumbpoint. (Lung Meridian 11)

9. On the outside of the index finger at thepoint where the nail unites with the skin. (If youplace your palms on your abdomen, the part you

tap on will be turned up towards your head.) IF -index finger. (Large Intestine Meridian 1)

10. On the outside of the middle finger atthe point where the nail unites with the skin. (Ifyou place your palms on your abdomen, the partyou tap on will be turned up towards your head.)MF - middle finger. (Circulation - sex Meridian 9)

11. On the outside of the little finger at thepoint where the nail unites with the skin. (If youplace your palms on your abdomen, the part youtap on will be turned up towards your head.) BF -baby finger. (Heart Meridian 9)

12. On the side of the hand where you wouldhit a piece of wood if doing karate. KC - karatechop point. (Small Intestine Meridian 3-4)

This is the same point we tapped on whilecorrecting for psychological reversal.

So, in step 2 we tap around seven times on each ofthe twelve points as we repeat the reminderphrase once at each point.

Except for the Under the Nose and Chin points allof the rest are located on the right and left sides ofthe body. It does not matter whether you tapon the left or right. You could even changesides in the middle of a tapping sequence.

Although there is theoretically no benefit intapping in a balanced way on right and left, mymany years of yoga, which demands balance,cause me to prefer it.

There is no disadvantage and some people seem tofind it more effective. Also if you do a lot oftapping with one hand, it might get tired. Ipersonally choose to switch sides and hands.

In general, however, EFT is done by tapping withthe dominant hand on either side of the body.

Step 3 - The Gamut Series

This is the strangest part of the procedure. Somepeople feel silly when they first perform it.

It, however, plays the role of balancing theenergies and the activity of the right and lefthemisphere of the brain between tappingsequences.

It is made up nine movements which we do as wetap rapidly on the gamut point (see diagram)which is located on either hand in the groove


created by the bones leading from the wrist to theknuckles of the smallest two fingers (ring fingerand little finger). The tapping is done in thegroove towards the knuckles. (Thyroid 3)

As we tap around three to five times a second, wemake the following movements and procedure.

1. We close our eyes.2. We open them.3. Keeping the head straight, we look hard downright.4. Keeping the head straight, we look hard downleft.5. Keeping the head straight, we make circleswith the eyes to the right.6. Keeping the head straight, we make circleswith the eyes to the left.7. We hum a few bars of any song (Gary likes“Happy Birthday”) (two to five seconds)8. We count from one to five out loud (unless youdo not want to be heard)9. We hum a few bars of any tune again. (Two tofive seconds)

This may seem silly, but it does help to balancethe energies. When we hum and count and hum,we activate the two hemisphere of the brain.

Having completed the step three - the GamutSeries, we are now ready for step four.

Step four - The sequence again.

Step four is the same as step two. We go throughall the twelve points tapping around seven timesat each point as we repeat the reminder phrase.

This completes one round.Evaluating the SUD

We now focus on the thought, emotion, desire orphysical problem, which was disturbing us, andevaluate where our SUD (our degree ofdisturbance) is.We seek to determine whether it has:a. Risen? (It can sometimes - but seldom)b. Stayed the same?c. Dropped? (Which means we feel lessdisturbed when we focus on this.)

This work with aspects will be discussed furtheron. I will just give one example. I was workingwith one woman on her fear of death, whichwould not go below a SUD of 8. I then asked her,“is there something else which is bothering you?”She immediately answered, “I do not want to leavemy young children alone if I die.” So we tapped for

this which was the real issue and it came down tozero and so did her fear of death.

So it is important to recognize and tap on thedeeper energy disturbances of the deeper issues.

Another example is that anger is usually a productof fear, hurt or guilt. In such cases we might haveto work on these before our anger will come down.

The beautiful part of EFT is that when we work onsomething like anger, whatever is behind it willusually surface by itself when we tap on the issue.

When the SUD Does Not Go Down

If it has risen or stayed the same, then we performthe next round exactly as the previous. Havingnow measured our present SUD, we perform:

1. The set up; rubbing or tapping with theappropriate corrective phrases for possiblepsychological reversal (this is even moreimportant now, because, as the discomfort has notsubsided at all, there is greater possibility of thepresence of psychological reversal).

2.The sequence tapping the twelve pointsrepeating the reminder phrase.

3. The gamut series

4. The sequence again repeating the reminderphrase.

Having done a second round, we then againevaluate and if the disturbance still has not comedown - which is rare, we do exactly the sameagain.

If we are not getting results, then we will need toseek to understand why.

The possible obstacles will be addressed later butgenerally they are:

1. A “type of psychological reversal” whichrequires the collarbone breathing technique.

2. Energy toxins, which are preventing thecorrection of the energy field.

3. We are tapping for the wrong issue.There is another core or parallel issue here whichneeds to be addressed in order for the disturbanceto be removed.


When the SUD Does Come Down

When the SUD comes down even slightly we alterthe process slightly.

1. In the setup while rubbing the sore spot ortapping the side of the hand, we now refer to theproblem as “remaining _____.”

For example the phrase might be:

“Even though I have this remaining fear ofheights (spiders, snakes, darkness, elevators -whatever it might be), I deeply and profoundlylove myself.”

or

“Even though I have this remaining pain in mylower back, I deeply and profoundly love myself.”The word “remaining” here is important becauseit allows our tapping to address the specific energyfield, which is remaining. Also it psychologicallyreminds us that the discomfort is less and falling.

2. In the step 2 sequence, while tapping on thetwelve points we refer to “remaining ______”

Examples:

Remaining fear of heightsRemaining fear of elevators.Remaining angerRemaining lower back pain.

3. Step 3 - the gamut series is performed asusual without changes.

4. Step 4 - We do the sequence again tappingon the twelve points using again the reminderphrase “remaining ______.”

At this point we complete our round.

We now check the SUD again.

Whether it has gone down or not, we nowcontinue with the setup and reminder phraseswhich refer to the “remaining _____.”

In this way most people will have become freefrom their specific problem in one to five rounds.If they do not, then we need to search for thepossible complications mentioned above andwhich we will examine in detail later.

They may have

1. A strong psychological reversal.2. Energy toxins3. Other aspects or core issues that need to beworked on before this problem can be solved.

A Brief Reminder of the Process

1. Connect with your targeted emotion and stimulus for that.

2. Evaluate the degree of disturbance felt when you bring the stimulus to mind.

3. The Sore Spot - On your chest rub with affirmations.

A. Even though I_________, I deeply and completely accept myself. (To correctpsychological reversal)

B. Then: I want to be free from this____________.

4. The Sequence - tapping each point 7 times repeating reminder words_____________.


5. Gamut Series - just behind and between the knuckles of your ring and little finger.a. Eyes closed. b. Eyes open.c. Eyes hard down right while holding the head steady.d. Eyes hard down left while holding the head steady.e. Roll eyes in a circle as though your nose was at the center of a clock and you weretrying to see all the numbers in order.f. Same e only reverse the direction in which you roll your eyes.g. Hum 2 seconds of a song (suggest Happy Birthday).h. Count rapidly from 1 to 5.i. Hum 2 seconds of a song again.

6. Repeat the sequence - in same way.(If there is emotional disturbance - allow to be released)

This is one round. Then we move on to do the following:

7. Focus on the stimulus and evaluate the degree of disturbance. If not down to 0 or 1,then

Start of The Eyebrow - Where the bone behindyour eyebrow turns into the bridge of your nose.

Corner Of The Eye - On the bone in the corner ofyour eye.

Under The Eye - On the bone just below your eye,in line with your pupil if you look straight ahead.

Under The Nose - Between you nose and yourupper lip

Under The Mouth - In the indentation betweenyour chin and your lower lip

Collarbone - In the angle formed by yourcollarbone and the breastbone

Under Arm - in line with a man's nipples on theside of the body

Thumb - all finger points are on the side of thefinger, in line with the nail bed.

Index Finger, Middle Finger, Little Finger

Karate Chop Point - on the side of your hand,roughly in line with your life line.


do again from 1 to 6 using the reminding phrase - now with word - remaining___________.part 3. "Even tough I still have some ______ I deeply and completely accept myself.

Part 4 the reminding words "remaining ________________"

Part 5. Gamut series and 6. the reminding words "remaining ________________"

8. You can close with positive projection of yourself feeling, secure, worthy,peaceful & loving in that situation.

Persistence

What is extremely important here is persistence. Some problems will heal in a matter ofminutes - it is not unusual. Other might take longer and require a number of sessions.

The intensity or the duration of the problem is not the factor that delays the healingprocess. An intense phobia of fifty years can be collapsed in five minutes (as we saw withthe case of Mary’s fear of water).

What makes an issue more difficult is how many aspects, emotions and experiences areinvolved in its creation and how much resistance there is to letting it go. This will bedealt with.

The Floor to Ceiling Eye Roll

This is another of Dr. Callahan’s discoveries. Withour head fixed straight ahead, we tap on thegamut point as our eyes start out looking harddown at the floor and then gradually comeforward to focus in front of us as they slowly moveup to the ceiling or sky. This should take at least 7seconds.

We use this to complete the process whenever wehave finished with our rounds.We can also use it when we have arrived at a SUDof 2 or less, in which case, performing thisprocedure, usually brings it down to a zero.

Energy Toxins

Dr. Callahan also discovered in his research thatthere are certain substances which he calls“energy toxins” which may create a disturbance inthe energy field and thus various negativeemotions and physical problems. These aresimilar to allergic reactions but not the same.When a person has sensitivity to a certainsubstance, which is for him an energy toxin, TFTand EFT (and any other therapy that does not

remove the toxin) may not work until this isremoved from his or her environment or from thebody itself.

Some of the more common energy toxins are:nicotine, sugar, caffeine, perfumes, deodorants,some soaps and detergents, wheat and itsproducts (perhaps with the exception of sproutedwheat), corn, milk and dairy products andaromatic herbs.

Most people will have no problem with any ofthese and will easily get results employing EFT.Some, however, may not heal because these orother substances constitute for them energytoxins, which disrupt their energy field and do notallow the disturbances to be eliminated by thetapping.

Even supposedly “good” food like potatoes,tomatoes, carrots, and beets could be an energytoxin for a specific person.

If we are not getting results from EFT and have:a. Worked with all the aspects which have comeup in a particular issue and


b. Employed collarbone breathing for the strongertype of psychological reversal, Then we will likely need to examine thepossibility of energy toxins.

Some ways of dealing with energy toxins

1. Try doing EFT in different environments.Perhaps there is something in the environment wehave been working in which is creating theproblem.

2. Try employing EFT at different times of theday. It may have something to do with our variousenvironments or what we are wearing and oreating at a time of the day.

3. Take a shower without soap or shampooand do EFT naked. This will tell us if the toxin isin our soaps, shampoos or clothing.

4. If we still do not get satisfactory results, thenwe might want to do a three day fast of sometype or at least go without: nicotine, sugar,caffeine, perfumes, deodorants, soaps anddetergents, wheat and its products, corn, milk anddairy products and aromatic herbs.

Then we are sure to have results unless we aretapping on the wrong issue entirely and somehidden core issue, which we are not tapping on, iscreating the problem.

When we do get our desired freedom from thisissue, then we can gradually add foods one by onewatching how our bodies and emotions react untilwe discover the culprit.

One important key is that we usually have anaddiction to substances that are energy toxinsfor us. So keep that in mind.

Collarbone Breathing

This is a process developed by Dr. Callahan forcorrecting deep-seated problems, which aresimilar to psychological reversal. According toGary, this exists in only about 5 % of thepopulation who seek help.

When we have done more than five roundswithout the SUD coming down, then we mightwant to consider employing this. We will,however, need to keep in mind that the problemmight be other aspects, which we have not yetworked on or energy toxins.

The procedure is the following:

It actually does not matter which hand or onwhich side of the body we start.

1. Place the index and middle finger of the lefthand into the collarbone point on the left side ofthe sternum. Fold the thumb and other fingersunder so that they are not touching the body. Alsoallow both arms to be away from and not touchingthe body so that the only point of contact is that ofthe two fingers on the left collarbone point.

Now as you tap with the index and middlefinger of the right hand on the gamut pointof the left hand (as if doing the gamut series) thefingers of which are on the left collar bone pointdo the following breathing procedure.a. Inhale fully.b. Exhale half of the air.c. Exhale the remaining aird. Inhale normallye. Exhale

Note:Now all of the above holds for the rest of thetapping positions:

* That the fingers and arms are placed so that theonly point of contact is the finger on thecollarbone point.

* We do the same breathing process at all ofthe remaining seven positions which we willdescribe.* We tap vigorously but not so as to hurtourselves in any way in each of the followingconfigurations.

So now we perform the above procedure inthe following configurations:

2. With the knuckles of the index and middlefingers of the left hand in the left collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the left handwith the right index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

3. With the fingertips of the index and middlefingers of the left hand in the right collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the left handwith the right index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

4. With the knuckles of the index and middlefingers of the left hand in the right collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the left hand


with the right index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

Now we switch hands and do exactly the sameprocess with the fingers and knuckles of the righthand pressing in the collarbone points as we tapwith the index and middle fingers of the left hand.

5. With the fingertips of the index and middlefingers of the right hand in the right collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the righthand with the left index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

6. With the knuckles of the index and middlefingers of the right hand in the right collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the righthand with the left index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

7. With the fingertips of the index and middlefingers of the right hand in the left collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the righthand with the left index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

8. With the knuckles of the index and middlefingers of the right hand in the left collarbonepoint, we tap on the gamut point of the righthand with the left index and middle finger whileperforming the breathing procedure.

Thus we have 5 acts of breathing in 8 positions fora total 40 acts of breathing while tapping on thegamut point in a way that this vibration istransferred to the collarbone point.

This removes obstacles that have not beenremoved by the simpler methods of correcting forpsychological reversal.

Short cuts

Gary’s 100% overhaul method includes all thesteps that we will need in case there is actually apsychological reversal and also all the points weneed to tap on in order to remove the energydisturbance.

In reality, however, psychological reversal isactually present in only around 40% of the cases,except for specific groups such as victims ofdepression, illnesses of the immune system andother serious illnesses and persons seriouslyaddicted to self-destructive substances.

Actually, in most cases, the only points that needto be tapped on are the eyebrow, side of eye,under eye, under nose, chin, under arm andcollarbone. In other words we do not always needto tap on the points on the hands. (Actually theindex and middle finger points are being releasedanyway because we are tapping with them.)

Dr. Callahan who is so deeply dedicated torelentlessly investigating more and more efficientways of healing these “perturbations” or energydisruptions has found that in many cases ofanxiety, phobias and addiction we need tap ononly the under eye, under arm and collar bonepoints.

These short cuts are best learned directly from Dr.Callahan or Gary Craig. My personal procedure isto do one round (with all four steps) with all thepoints to get the energy flowing through all themeridians and from there use the short cuts. If theSUD goes down, I continue with the short cuts, ifnot, I return to tapping all 12 points.

I would suggest that for at least two or threemonths you learn to employ the whole procedure.Having mastered it, you may want to occasionallyomit the correction for psychological reversal orsome of the hand points or even the gamut seriesand see if you get results. If not, remember whatyou have omitted and include that in the nextround.

Actually the only reason to employ shortcuts is togain time, but here we are talking about a therapywhich heals in minutes or hours what usuallytakes years of weekly sessions or cannot be healedat all. So in reality the shortcuts have greater usefor psychotherapists who need to economize timewith clients or when performing in front of groupsso that they do not get bored.


EFT - Flow Diagram

THE EFT PROCESS WORKSHEET

A. ONE ROUND CONSISTS OF:

1. THE SET UP - ENERGY FIELD

a. Measure the SUD (Subjective units of disturbance)

b. Removal of Psychological Reversal

c. Use Affirmation - Even though I have(feel) this ______________, I love andaccept myself deeply and profoundly (completely - as I am).

d. I want (choose, deserve, am becoming) free from this _____________.

2. The SEQUENCE in which we tap (or touch a breathe, or press) on the twelve pointsaround seven times using the "reminder phrase" even though _________.

3. The GAMUT SERIES to balance the energy.

4. The SEQUENCE again.

B. Measure the SUD

C.1. If no reduction indisturbance repeat aboveprocess, correcting again forPsychological Reversal, using:1. Rubbing Sore Spot2. Tapping Karate chop point3. Four drops of Bach Rescue Remedy4. Collar Bone Breathing

C.2. If there is a reduction indisturbance then repeat above process,correcting again for PsychologicalReversal, but now using the"Remainder" phrase and also using the"remaining reminder phrase whiledoing the sequence.

C.3. If the SUD is down to 0 - 2, do the floor to ceiling eye roll while tappingat the gamut point. Then test out the disturbance by thinking of or coming intocontact with the stimulus. If you encounter other aspects, then work on them inthe same way starting from the beginning.

Possible "obstacles" which might need to be dealt with:1. Massive Psychological Reversal - apply techniques2. Aspects - address each aspect separately3. Energy Toxins - avoid substances and foods which might provoke4. Collarbone Breathing Technique for getting free from obstaclesAdditional Help:1. Catharsis, 2. Role Playing, 3. Expression, 4. Affirmations5. Meditation 6. Proper Diet


A sheet for you to keep notes of what happens

1. Connect with your targeted emotion and stimulus for that. The emotion and stimulus are:_______________________________________________

*2. Evaluate the degree of disturbance is: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3.a. Rub the Sore Spot -repeating the affirmation: Even though I__________________________________________________________________________________ Ideeply and completely accept myself. (Psychological reversal)

Then: b. I want (chose, deserve) to be free from this________________________________.

4. The Sequence - tapping the 12 points 7 times repeating reminder words _______________.

5. Gamut Point Process

6. Repeat the sequence - in same way. (If there is emotional disturbance - allow it to be released)

**7. Focus on the stimulus and evaluate the degree of disturbance. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 If not down to 0 or 1, then do again from 1 to 6 using thereminding phrase - now with word - remaining ___________________________________.

at part 3a. "Even tough I still have some remaining ________I deeply and completely accept myself.

Then: b. I want (chose, deserve) to be totally free from this___________________________.

Part 4. With the reminder words "remaining _______________________________________"

Part 5. Gamut series and 6. the reminding words "remaining ___________________"

*** 7. Focus again on the stimulus and evaluate the degree of disturbance. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 If not down to 0 or 1, then do again from 1 to 6 using thereminding phrase - now with word - remaining ___________________________________.

at part 3.a. "Even tough I still have some ____________I deeply and completely accept myself

Parts 4. With the reminder words "remaining _______________________________________"

Parts 5. Gamut series and 6. the reminding words "remaining ___________________"

**** 7. Focus on the stimulus and evaluate the degree of disturbance. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 If not down to 0 or 1, then do again from 1 to 6 using thereminding phrase - now with word - remaining ____________________________________.

at part 3a. "Even tough I still have some remaining _______I deeply and completely love myself.

8. In the end, tap on the gamut point as you look at the floor and let your eyes very slowly move upwardsuntil you are looking at the ceiling or the sky.

9. Close with positive projection of self feeling, secure, worthy, peaceful & loving in that situation.


Chapter Three

The Stages of Employing EFT

While employing EFT for important issues,purposes and goals, various underlying or parallelaspects may surface which may seem moreintense and thus require attention. In suchcircumstances we would do well to direct ourattention to these issues until they are eithertotally collapsed or significantly less than otherapparent aspects.

We should, however, keep a mental or written listof «unfinished business» with any emotions,thoughts, beliefs or forms of resistance which mayhave appeared in our consciousness. We canreturn to them and methodically work with themuntil all energy fields associated with this problemor goal have been cleared.

We might work in the following stages:

Stage Α. We employ EFT on our chosen issue using the short cuts with fewer points. Ifwe do not get significant results in three of these shorter rounds, then we move to stageB.

Stage B. We perform at least three rounds complete with set up, gamut series and all12 points. If we do not get significant results in three of these complete rounds, then wemove to stage C.

Stage C. We continue to employ complete rounds while:1. Trying out different locations2. Doing it at different times of the day.3. Taking the Bach Rescue Remedy while doing the set up. (Optional)4. Performing the collarbone breathing during the original set up.5. *** Correcting for Psychological Reversal frequently throughout the day byrubbing the sore spot or tapping on the side of hand, while repeating the appropriatephrases.6. Keeping a diary of our work and results.If we still do not have our desired results after three consecutive days of at least fiverounds a day, we then move to stage D.

Stage D. We continue to employ complete rounds while:1. Eating only fresh fruits and vegetables for three days. (No sugar, wheat, corn,nicotine, caffeine, chocolate, sweets or bread.)2. Avoiding any chemicals on the body such as perfume or body cremes etc.3. Taking a shower without soap and doing EFT naked – without clothing that mightbe creating psychological reversal.If we still do not have our desired results after five consecutive days of at least fiverounds a day, then move to stage E.

Stage E. We consult an experienced EFT practitioner in our area for help.


*** Correcting for Psychological Reversal throughout the day

Independent of our regular daily rounds of EFT, we would do well to frequently correctfor psychological reversal by rubbing on the sores spot or tapping on the sides of thehands using the appropriate affirmations such as:

6. «Even though (refer to the emotion, problem or goal) __________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

orB. « I chose (want, desire, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(refer to the emotion, problem or obstacle to the goal)____________________________.orC. I chose to create (accept) _______________(mention the desired result such as:health, happiness, love, success, professional or economic satisfaction.)

Persistence is the key to success here.

Note: EFT practitioners are not necessarily doctors or licensed psychotherapists. Youmust never replace your normal therapy procedures with EFT. You are totallyresponsible for your health and wellbeing.


Chapter Four

Methodology and Modifications

Thought Field Therapy, Emotional FreedomTechniques and other energy-basedpsychotherapies are newly born sciences.

For this reason, many who learn and employ themnaturally add their own background and expertise,thus expanding on their possible applications andalso sometimes on the methods of application.

I have made some small modifications in thesetup process and series of tapping whichaccording to Gary is flexible anyway.

Tapping

We tap first on the under arm point and then onthe collarbone point. The reason for this is thatDr. Callahan (who believes that the series in whichwe tap is important - something which Gary doesnot find to be true) has discovered in hisdiagnostic process that usually the under armpoint comes before the collarbone point.

Thus, since for Gary it does not make anydifference and for Dr. Callahan it does, we haveput the under arm point before the collarbonepoint.

Other Points:

As energy psychology grows and expands, andespecially as it comes into the hands of those moreknowledgeable in the acupuncture points,practitioners are experimenting with tapping onother points than the 12 traditional EFT or 14traditional TFT points .

Some of those are the following.a. At the back top of the head.b. On the inside of the wrists.c. On the inside of the ankles.

These, according to an acupuncturist using EFT toheal people, are points where a number ofmeridians cross. By tapping there we are able tocreate a general increased flow of energythroughout all the meridians while focusing of

course on the emotion or physical phenomenonwe want to heal.

I have personally worked with the three and findthe top of the head especially useful. (Actually thiswas something which I discovered whileexperimenting on my own.)What I do is to start in the center of the back ofthe head where a baby’s head is soft of where menusually begin to become bald.With all my fingers bunched I tap first on thatpoint and then along a line over the top of thehead to the forehead coming down to the bridge ofthe nose and then move on to the eyebrow pointand to the other points.

I sometimes also make two more lines of tappingfrom the back of the head to the forehead and topsof the eyes. On the second run I have my fingersopen with the thumb placed around 4 centimeterssymmetrically opposite from the rest of the fingerson both sides of the line running over the top ofthe head.The third run is with the fingers open with thethumb opposing the fingers around sixcentimeters.

This creates a general flow of energy, which ispleasantly healing and often extremely releasing. Ilike to start out my sessions in this way and ofteninclude it in my tapping procedure.

The wrist and ankle points are also beneficial.

The Setup Phrases

In the setup process where we either rub thesore spot or tap on the side of the hand weactually use two different phrases and work onboth sides of the body before tapping on the 12points.

A. We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap theside of the hand) repeating phrase "A" threetimes.

Phrase “A” is given as two possible alternatives:


A.1. One is the traditional phrase stating, “Even though I have this ______, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.”

This allows us to start out by learning to acceptour existing physical or emotional situation. Thisis basic for moving on and letting go of it. (We donot need to believe or feel that we accept ourselvesat this point. It is sufficient just to say it.)Remember however, that you can paraphrase thisin anyway which suits you such as:“Even though I have this ______, I love andaccept myself as I am.”“I love and accept myself even though I have this______.”

A.2. The second alternative, which we present forthe “A” setup phrase, is inspired by an article byDr. Pat Carrington ([email protected])on alternative phrases. (Although this is notexactly the way she uses it.)It starts out by mentioning how we have beenemotionally or physically until now and then itmoves on to describe a new alternative morepositive way of being, feeling or reacting.

In this way, we accept how we were until now, butstate that this belongs to the past and then moveon to a new way of perceiving or being.

Whether you use the first or second “A” set upphrase is your choice. Our experience is that aslong as the physical or emotion problem is strong,then the first choice is more comfortable as wewill probably have difficulty experiencing the newalternative way of feeling. It is enough to justaccept how we are.

When the SUD comes down, then the secondoption might bring us towards the transformationwe are seeking more effectively.

B. Then we repeat phrase "B" three times whilerubbing on the sore spot on the other side (ortapping on the side of the other hand).

Now we state our choice to let go of thisproblem . The phrase allows us a number ofoptions and you can find even others yourself.(When we use the alternative option of A-2, weusually do not need to use phrase “B”)

It usually goes something like this:

I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotional or physical problem) ______.

Phrases for getting Free

We will be placing in brackets throughout thebook other possible words. Try them out. Findyour own. There is a slight difference for exampleto say:

I want to be free...I choose to be free...I accept to be free...I allow myself to be free...I deserve to be free from this…I deserve to be without pain…I am a good person…I am becoming free from this…I realize that it is in my benefit to be free from this...I realize that it is my and others interest to befree...This (problem)_____ is in no way beneficial formyself or the other.

C. Then we repeat the "C" reminder phrase whiletapping on the 12 points.

The reminder phrase, which we repeat once ateach point we tap, simply reminds our body ofwhich energy field we are tapping. It will besomething like this

(The emotion)______ about (subject)______.(The pain)______ in (part of body)______.

Although the reminder phrase needs to be short, italso needs to be as specific as possible.The more specifically we work, the more evidentthe results. The more evident the results, the moreour motivation to keep on tapping for otherissues. If we tap generally for obstacles towardsself-acceptance, some day we will begin to noticethe difference in how we feel and react.

But if we chose specific obstacles such as:1. What my mother thinks.2. Because my partner left me.3. Because I am overweight.Then we will have results on these issues verysoon and then can move on to other obstaclestowards our self-acceptance.

Also, when working with a general subject likeself-acceptance or love for someone, it is nearlyimpossible to get a measurable SUD, becausethere are so many factors or aspects, which arebeing activated and receding all the time.


The Use of Brackets in this book

You will notice the extensive use of brackets.There are two reasons we use them.

1. When seeking to give alternative words orphrases for you to choose from in your set up andreminder phrases.

For example:I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotional or physical problem) ______.

The first set of brackets means that we might wantto choose from the various alternative possibilitiesgiven for the word before the brackets. The secondset of brackets is explained below.

2. In order to indicate what will go into the blankspaces, which we are leaving in the phrases foryou to fill in. Usually you will find these bracketsin front of the line ____ which represents whatyou need to fill in:

For example:

Even though I feel this (emotion) ______because (name) ______ (what he/she did)________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.In this case, we will fill in the emotion in the firstspace, the name of the person in the second andwhat he or she did in the third.

The Use of Repetition

You will find that some important reminders arerepeated throughout the book. This is done inorder so to be sure that you remember variousaspects, which we need to be aware of and attendto.

The Lists of Possibilities

You will find various lists of possibilitiesthroughout the book such as lists of possiblechildhood experiences, emotions, beliefs andaffirmations.

These are supplied to orient you and perhaps tohelp you remember or realize something whichmay not come to your mind otherwise. They arenot, however, complete in any way. You shoulduse them as a starting board but not be limited bythem.

Once you get started, let your intuition and thetapping bring to the surface whatever needs to beworked on.When we remove a certain obstacle in EFT, thenext one, which needs to be addressed, naturallyappears so that we can continue. This is awonderful and beautiful attribute of EFT.

When you have finished with your natural flow,then you might want to check out the lists to see ifthere is anything, which is still potent for youthere that needs to be worked on.

More such l ists can be found athttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com


Chapter Five

Working with Aspects of Emotions with EFT

As we work with EFT, we will often observechanges in our mental states regarding emotions,aspects and even in the events, situations and theissues themselves. In such cases, we might find itbeneficial to flow with those changes addressingeach obstacle as it appears. We must, however,always keep in mind the unresolved emotions,aspects and issues and return to check them andresolve them.

We use two phrases when doing the set up.

The “A” phrase indicates our acknowledgementand acceptance of our present state. Otherwiseour denial and / or rejection of our emotionsmight obstruct their transformation.

The “B” phrase indicates our intent andwillingness to let go of that emotion and move onto alternative ways of perceiving, feeling andreacting.

A. We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap theside of the hand) repeating phrase "A" threetimes.

As explained in the chapter on modifications, weare presenting you with two types of “A” set upphrases.

A-1. The first one is the traditional one whichends in “…., I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A-2. The second one puts the present condition inthe past and states a new type of being, feelingand reacting in the present.

Also we remind you that you are free to alterthese phrases in any ways which suit you.Read that section on the set up phrases again ifyou are not clear on this.

B. Then we repeat phrase "B" three times whilerubbing on the sore spot on the other side (ortapping on the side of the other hand).

C. Then we repeat the "C" reminder phrase whiletapping on the 12 points.

I. Working Directlywith the Chosen Emotion

We start out working directly on the emotion,which we would like to free ourselves from withthe following set up.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) ______when / because ___________ (stimulus), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.OrA.2. Even though until now I felt (the emotion)_____________ when / because _______(stimulus), I now feel ___________ (thepositive emotions or beliefs you would like todevelop) _______ and (describe here how youwould like to feel, understand or react).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself (befree) from this (emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) because /when ____.

II. Possible Aspects We Need to Look At

If, after completing three rounds, we do not getsatisfactory results, we might want to check thefollowing possible aspects.

1. Emotions which we have about the factthat we have this emotion (which we arenow working on)

A.1. Even though I feel some _______(perhaps -guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, anger)because I have this (emotion we are working on)___________ when / because ___________,I deeply and profoundly love myself.OrA.2. Even though until now I felt some_______(perhaps - guilt, shame, self-rejection,self-doubt, anger) because I had this (emotion weare working on) ____________ when / because___________, I now realize that this is humanand natural and accept and love myself as I am.


B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself (befree) from this (emotion) ________. (The onethat we have because of the fact that we have theoriginal emotion)

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) _______.(The one that we have because of the fact that wehave the original emotion)

2. Parallel Emotions or Emotions, whichmight be creating the original emotion.

(For example, anger and hate are usuallysecondary emotions which are caused by primaryemotions such as fear, hurt, injustice, guilt, etc. Insuch a case, the primary emotions might need tobe removed in order to free ourselves from thesecondary emotions - i.e. anger)

A.1. Even though I feel some _______(perhaps -fear, guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt,injustice) because / when ___________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.OrA.2. Even though until now I felt (the emotion)___________ when / because __________(stimulus), I now feel (understand, realize, react)(describe here how you would like to feel,understand or react) ___________.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself (befree) from this (emotion) _______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ______.

3. Resistance, which we might have aboutfreeing ourselves from an emotion.(Psychological Reversal)

We need to work on each possible resistanceseparately.

Consider some of the possible beliefs, which mightcreate resistance:

Beliefs and factors which may cause usnot to want to let go of a particular

emotion.

a. I have felt this way a long time and do notknow what it will be like to be without thisemotion. It will be like losing an important part ofmyself or my life. (We have become attached oraddicted to feeling this way. We have identifiedour being with this emotion).

b. I believe that I need this emotion in orderto protect myself from others. (Possibly anger,depression, injustice or pain).

c. I will lose my power or control over others.(Perhaps anger, depression or dissatisfaction).

d. I will lose others’ attention if I do not havethis emotion.

e. I will lose my self-worth if I do not feel thisway. (In particular, feeling victimized or angryfrom which we derive our feelings of goodness,righteousness and self-worth)

f. I will allow others to cease feeling guilty orresponsible about me. I will lose control overthem.

g. I will need to take responsibility for my life.

h. In order to be good, I must feel guilt for what Ihave done. Thus I cannot accept feeling okay.

i. I will need to be happy - something which scaresme.

j. I will have to recognize my self-worth - whichalso scares me.

In such cases of inner obstacles, we can usethe following phrases:

A.1. Even though I fear letting go of this emotion,because _____ (type of resistance) _______, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.orA.2. Even though until now I have feared lettinggo of this emotion, because _____ (resistance)________________, I realize now that Ideserve to be totally happy and free from this(emotion) ________.

Note: If we sense we have some resistance but donot know what it is, then we can just say:

A.3. Even though I seem to have some resistance,towards letting go of this emotion, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself fromthis (fear or resistance) _______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion orresistance) _________.


For more about resistance towards getting well,see the book the Psychology of Happiness or ourweb site http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.

4. Physical problems associated withemotions involved.

A . 1 . Even though I have this (physicalphenomenon) ________ in my (part of body)_______, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had this(physical phenomenon) ________ in my (part ofbody) ______, I now am totally free from it.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself fromthis (physical phenomenon) ______ in my (partof body)_____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (physical phenomenon) inmy (part of body)

5. Childhood experiences similar to thisevent which make us more susceptible.

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion)____________ concerning what (name ofperson) _____ did ________(in childhood), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.OrA.2. Even though until now I felt (emotion)____________ concerning what (name ofperson) ____ (what happened in childhood)_____, I now accept and move beyond that whichactually does no exist anymore.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to free myself (befree) from this (emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) about (otherperson’s name and what he/she did)

Remember to always go back and check anyunfinished aspects and especially the originalstimulus and emotion.

Summary of Aspects whenWorking with Emotions

1. Work with the emotion itself.

Then if necessary work with the following if theyappear.

2. Emotions which we have about the fact thatwe have this emotion (which we are now workingon)

3. Parallel Emotions or emotions, which mightbe creating the original emotion.

4. Resistance, which we might have aboutfreeing ourselves from an emotion. (PsychologicalReversal)

5. Physical problems associated with emotionsinvolved.

6. Childhood experiences similar to this eventwhich make us more susceptible.

Remember to always go back and check anyunfinished aspects and especially the originalstimulus and emotion.


Chapter Six

Uses of EFT and Dealing with Aspects

Flowing Through the Labyrinth of the Mind with EFT

There are almost unlimited possibilitiesconcerning the purposes for which we canemploy EFT.Below we present you with a partial list ofpossibilities. You may want to mark those youwould like to work with at this time or in thenear future. Most of these issues are dealt withas separate chapters in this book.

1. For fears and phobias of all types.

2. For any unpleasant emotions. Considersome of the following emotions which youmight want to work with: fear, anxiety, hurt,worry, anger, hate, loneliness, bitterness,jealousy, envy, self-rejection, worthlessness,self-doubt, gui lt , shame, injustice,abandonment, rage, discouragement, rejectiontowards others, rejection from others,belittlement, disillusionment, insecurity, abuse,frustration and / or depression.

3. For any physical disturbancesincluding most types of pain. Here is a listof physical problems which according to GaryCraig EFT has proven effective: headaches, backpain, stiff neck and shoulders, joint pains,cancer, chronic fatigue, syndrome, lupus,ulcerative colitis, psoriasis, asthma, allergies,itching eyes, body sores, rashes, insomnia,constipation, irritable bowel syndrome,eyesight, muscle tightness, bee stings, urinationproblems, morning sickness, PMS, sexualdysfunctions, sweating, poor coordination,carpal tunnel syndrome, arthritis, numbness inthe fingers, stomachaches, toothaches,trembling, multiple sclerosis.

Note: This, of course, does not mean that everyperson will be healed of such problems and alsoit does not mean that you should give up anymedicines without your doctor’s or healthprofessional’s advice.

4. For freeing ourselves from addictionsto substances such as nicotine, caffeine, sugar,chocolate, tranquilizers etc.

5. For healing childhood experiences andemotions, especially traumatic ones.

6. For healing traumatic experiences ingeneral.

7. For learning life’s lessons

8. For removing any possible obstaclestowards chosen goals such as:

a. Forgiving others

b. Loving others more steadily

c. More harmonious relationships

d. Greater self-esteem

e. Overcoming the pain of romantic rejection

f. Coping with the departure of loved ones

g. Greater concentration in meditation andprayer

h. Freeing ourselves from codependency

i. Reconciling inner conflicts

j. Finding our life purpose

k. Dealing with "victims"

l. Dealing with "aloofs"

m. Dealing with "interrogators"

n. Dealing with "intimidators"

o. More effective communication


p. Facing our own death when that is eminent

q. Creating a life of happiness and peace.

I even know a woman who uses it forremembering where she has left things.

Aspects in EFT

When employing EFT on myself and withclients, I feel that with each round we arepeeling off layers of emotions and beliefs basedon incorrect childhood (or from the past ingeneral) programming and conclusions aboutourselves, life and others.

With the effective removal of the disturbed ordistorted energy fields associated with eachproblem, we discover the intricate and oftenstrange and surprising associations, which havedeveloped through our past experiencescreating our present physical and emotionalproblems.

I would like to share my personal experienceand resulting viewpoint on some of thediscoveries we have made together withpatients as we did this work and also point outsome common aspects to look for - especiallywhen the SUD is not going down.

We use the word “aspects” to describe otherfactors (emotions, beliefs, thoughts, pastexperiences, physical problems, and types ofresistance towards improvement) which maycontribute to the issue we are working with.

Actually the main quality of an experiencedpsychologist or EFT practitioner is his or herability to intuitively tune into not-so-apparentaspects which may be inhibiting the healingprocess.

The beauty of EFT is, however, that in manycases these aspects become self-evident as wework on the issue. As we stimulate the energyfield associated with that particular problem,the obstructing factors are removed and theunderlying (core issues) or parallel aspectscome to the surface and we become aware ofthem.

For example, we might be working on anger,and perform a round on that emotion. As thetapping removes the anger energy field, we

might suddenly realize that we feel jealous,hurt, fear or guilt and that we have otheremotions about this particular issue, or eventhat there are other issues connected to thisone. This will become more evident as you readthe chapter with the case histories and followthe “flow of aspects”, which appear as weemploy EFT.

In such cases, we can chose to switch and workon the new aspects, which have surfaced orcontinue with the original emotion or issue.When working with others, I usually ask themto evaluate which emotion or phenomenon hasthe highest SUD and work with that until itcomes down. I always keep in mind what wehave left unfinished and come back to it inorder to check the present SUD of the originalissue and any other aspects which may haveappeared during the process. When working onmyself, I do the same.

It is also common for our emotions to embodythemselves as pains or physical discomforteither in general or during the EFT process.Then again we need to make a decision whetherto work on the emotional disturbance or thephysical pain. The physical problem is usuallycreated by the emotional disturbance and thuslogically we would continue with the emotionalproblem. There are cases, however, where thephysical pain or discomfort is so intense, thatwe need to address that with EFT and thenmove back to emotions to check what their SUDis and continue working on them. Often it takesonly one round to bring down the physicalphenomena enough to work on the emotionagain – if it still exists – because it oftendisappears after bringing down the physicalproblem.

The opposite is also obviously true. We can beworking on a physical problem, and as we beginto correct the energy field, the emotion behindthat problem comes to the surface. This can alsohappen when working on getting free fromaddictions. As we tap for the addictions, theemotions we have been sedating with thatparticular substance come to the surface and wecan then work on them.

Another possible aspect would be pastexperiences and emotions especially from thechildhood years, which might in some way becontributing factors to the particular issue


which is sensitive for us. It is not unusualduring an EFT session on a particulardisturbing emotion, desire or physical problemfor images and memories to surface, which inmany cases, might be the actual core issuecausing the problem.

For example, feeling hurt by someone’sbehavior today may hold the intensity it doesbecause of unresolved feelings of hurt, abuse,rejection or abandonment as a child.

In such a case we might chose to switch andemploy EFT on that childhood memory until itsSUD is zero or at least very low and then returnto our original issue. In most cases, correcting

and healing the disturbance of the past willeliminate the present issue.

As you can see, when employing EFT onourselves or others, we need to be able to flowwith what is appearing in the mind. But we alsoneed to remember all of the previous issues andaspects, which have been left unfinished.

Also, in the end, we might want to check eventhose emotions, which have come to zero, afterhaving brought up and worked on otheraspects, because there is the possibility thatsome other aspect of that emotion mightsurface. This is rare but not impossible.

Thus, in summary, some of the various aspectsthat need to be addressed, are the following:

1. Parallel Aspects: Sometimes it is useful to switch to other emotions in order toremove obstacles to the aspects we are presently working with. This may require, at times,asking if there are other emotions present and which are most predominant at the time. Anexample would be that we simultaneously feel fear, injustice and hurt.

2. Underlying Aspects: When dealing with emotions such as anger, hate or rage, wesometimes need to deal with the fear, hurt or guilt underlying them.

3. Secondary Emotions: These are emotions we might have when we become aware thatwe have other emotions or beliefs. For example we might feeling angry with ourselvesbecause we fear, or feel ashamed because we are angry. These secondary emotions oftenneed to be removed before we can free ourselves from the originally targeted emotion.

4. Physical Embodiment: At times the emotional energy field will be felt more physicallythan emotionally and thus we will need to work the pain or other physical phenomena andthen return to the emotion which is the issue.

5. Childhood Experiences: Frequently while working on a specific emotion, a relatedchildhood experience will flash to mind. We may need to switch to those, and, after havingcollapsed the various emotions associated with the various aspects of that experience, comeback to our primary present issue.

6. Resistance to Change: We may have beliefs and needs that conflict with our need tofree ourselves. Thus, we have a type of psychological reversal which needs to be addressedperhaps not only by rubbing the sore spot or tapping on the side of the hand, but also bydoing complete rounds for the emotions or beliefs which are resisting our progress.

In such cases, although the belief may be moreobvious and accessible, it is better to discover theemotion created by that belief in order to employ

EFT on. For this reason, after each belief we haveplaced a few possible emotions.


Some emotions or beliefs which may causeus to not want to let go of a particular

emotion.

1. I have felt this way a long time and do notknow what it will be like to be without thisemotion. It will be like losing an important part ofmyself or of my life.(We have become attached or addicted to feelingthis way.)Possible emotions:a. Fear of unknown.b. Fear of being different than I am.c. Fear of not being acceptable to others if I amdifferent.d. Fear of loneliness.

2. I believe that I need this emotion in order toprotect myself from others.(Possibly through anger, depression, injustice,pain)Possible emotions:a. Fear that others want to hurt or use us.b. Fear that I do not have any other way ofprotecting myself.c. Fear of not getting what I want if I let go of thisemotion.d. Fear that others will not pay attention to me if Iam not angry or crying.

3. I will lose my power or control overothers . (Perhaps with anger, depression ordissatisfaction.)Possible emotions:a. Fear that I won’t, in any other way, be able toget what I want from others.b. Fear that if I do not control them, they willcontrol me.c. Fear that I will lose my self-worth (or somethingelse important to me) if I do not control others.

4. I will lose others’ attention if I do not havethis emotion.Possible emotions:a. Fear that others will not pay attention to me inany other way.b. Fear that I do not have anything worthwhileabout myself for others to be interested in.c. Fear that if I do not have others attention, thenI will have no self-worth.d. Fear of loneliness.

5. I will lose my self-worth if I do not feel thisway. (Especially if we are used to feeling the victimor angry in order to get our feelings of goodness,righteousness or self-worth)Possible emotions:

a. Fear that I have no self-worth except when I amangry.b. Fear that I have no self-worth except when I amdone injustice to.c. Fear that I will not be right if I am not angry orcrying.d. Fear of loneliness.

6. I will allow others to be free from feelingguilty or responsible about me. I will lose controlover them.a. Anger towards others for what they have doneto me.b. Guilt if the others are not guilty (“someone hasto be guilty - if it is not them, then I must be.”)c. Fear of losing control over others.d. Fear of loneliness.

7. I will need to take responsibility for my life.Possible emotions:a. Fear that I am not capable to handling life onmy own.b. Fear of loneliness.

8. In order to be good, I must feel guilty forwhat I have done. Thus I cannot accept feelingokay. A good person must feel guilty.a. Fear that I will not be a good person, unless Ifeel guilty and unhappy.b. Feeling that I must punish myself for mistakes Ihave made.

9. I will need to be happy - something whichscares me.Possible emotions:a. Fear that if I am happy, something bad will thenhappen.b. Fear that I do not deserve (I am not goodenough) to be happy.c. Fear that if I do not need others and am happy,I will lose their attention.d. Fear that if I am not a victim, I have no self-worth.

10. I will have to recognize my self-worth -which also scares me.Possible emotions:a. Fear that if I believe in my self-worth, I will beegotistical and not good or pure.b. Fear that I do not deserve to believe in my self-worth.c. Fear of the power, which comes from believingin myself.

11. Others (you fill in)


These lists of beliefs and emotions are not in anyway complete and we welcome your suggestedadditions to:[email protected]

Alternative Set Up Phrases

(For the phraseology for the Set Up for thesevarious aspects and forms of resistance, refer to thechapter on dealing with aspects when working withemotions)

It is sometimes useful to repeat alternative positiveaffirmations using the basic "Even though” phrasewhile we rub the sore spot (or karate point).

The standard corrective phrase for psychologicalreversal is,“Even though I have (this problem) ______, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

We might however try some of the following:“Even though I have (this problem) ______

a. I want to be free from this…b. I choose to be free from this…c. I deserve to be free from this…d. I deserve to be without pain…e. I am a good person…f. I am becoming free from this…g. I realize that it is in my benefit to be free

from this…

Feel free to create any other phrase, which suitsyou and works for you.

Verifying a Change in Perception - CognitiveChange

Asking ourselves or clients why we or they are notbothered anymore by this stimulus (after reductionof disturbance) can help integrate this newemotional and energy reality into our lifeperspective.

So when we arrive to the state where we feel noemotion anymore about this issue, we can askourselves (or the other) why we do not feel thatfeeling anymore, to check for any change ofcognitive perception of that issue.

In 90 % of the cases there will be a very simple andlogical answer for why this does not upset usanymore. In other words there has also been acognitive change.

Experience or Flow?

I am repeating a message here from theintroduction because I feel it is important to bringit up again.

In this book you will find a number of lists andsuggestions which are the result of over 3 decadesof experience in working with peoples’ emotions,beliefs and reactions. They can be helpful for thosewith less experience as they might containpossibilities, which you may not have thought of orexperienced.

The flow of EFT is magical and often verydifferent from what we expect. This flow ofemotional and physical aspects is incrediblyhealing and should never be interrupted orobstructed because of our personal perceptions orideas.

Thus, we suggest that you just employ EFT andfollow your own or the other’s flow which isbrought about by the tapping. If however, you getstuck or feel there may be aspects which are notbeing dealt with and thus you not getting theresults you would like, these lists and suggestioncan be extremely helpful.

I would even suggest making photocopies of thepages having to do with that particular problemand asking them to look at some of the possibleemotions or obstacles they might be experiencingand work on any which might “ring a bell.”Priority, however, must always be given to the flowthat comes forth from within us or others.

In the next chapters I am sharing a number of casehistories which demonstrate the above mentionedaspects.


Chapter Seven

Case Histories and a Study in Aspects in EFT

Part one

EFT seminars and personal appointmentsin Cyprus and Lebanon

I will be referring to some of my experiences fromseminars and personal appointments in Lebanonand Cyprus.

The names have been altered, except in caseswhere indicated. All of these people were freedfrom their specific problems at the time of theappointment. I have not been able to contact themfor follow up.

Clarifications

Here I will be supplying you at times just with thefirst phrase (A),

“Even though I have this ________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.or “Even though I have this ________, I acceptand love myself as I am.”

In all of the cases mentioned, we worked on theother side of the body with the phrase (B),

“ I choose (want, deserve, allow, realize that it is inm benefit) to be free from this _______.”

That would complete the set up and then wewould continue with the reminder phrase.

In all of the cases people tapped for themselves atfirst so that they would learn and integrate theprocess. In some of the cases I then continued totap for them for greater efficiency and economy oftime, using at times Dr. Roger Callahan’s TFTalgorithms.

1. Fear of an accelerating car, bus or plane:

One interesting case was "Barno" whoexperienced intense fear every time he was in acar, bus, airplane or any vehicle someone else wasoperating. One major aspect was the vibration andsound of the vehicle accelerating. This prevented

him from being able to get around by car, bus orplane.

This fear would create a negative feeling in hisgenitals, which would then flow up into theabdomen and into the legs. This was the physicalcenter of his fear experience.

We started out with the phrase:a. “Even though I fear acceleration when othersare driving...”This brought up the specific aspect of the soundand vibration, which is created. So we moved onto,b. "When I hear this sound and feel thisvibration..."This brought up two memories simultaneously.c. One was an experience he had at the age of 13when he experienced ejaculation while lying onhis abdomen, without knowing exactly what washappening to him and experienced great fear,feeling that maybe he was ill.d. The second was at the same age running fromhis home to a bomb shelter while hearing thesounds of bombs whistling through the air.These happened at the same time in his life and itwas after this, that he began to have this fear andreaction in his genitals.e. We worked separately on"Even though I feared when I ejaculated...” andthenf. “Even thought I was afraid of the sound(vibration) of these bombs...”

There seemed to have been an association madebetween the vibration of the accelerating vehicles,the bombs and his fear when he ejaculated(without understanding what was happening).

Another common factor in these three seeminglyindependent stimuli is that in all of these cases,he was not in control. Outside forces seemedto be prevailing in:1. The accelerating vehicle, driven by another.2. The bombs falling.3. The unexpected ejaculation.

I do not know if our theory - with which he agreed- is true but he did go from a SUD of 10 to 0, whileimagining himself in an accelerating vehicle


driven by someone else, focusing especially on thesound.

He was fine for the few remaining days I wasthere. I have had no communication with himafter that.

2. Guilt, anger, pain, rejection and hatebecause of husband’s suicide.

Efi and her husband were having communicationproblems. He was depressed, drinking heavily andnot doing anything to heal or help himself. She leftfor a week. He committed suicide.

You can imagine how many aspects were broughtto the surface. We worked separately with each ofher emotions as they came up, sometimesswitching from one to the other so that we couldbring down the previous one.

In our first session she focused on the pain of hisloss:

a. We worked with the Pain of Loss.“Even though I feel this pain at his loss...”This brought up theb. Anger at him for committing suicide andpunishing her in this way.“Even though I feel this anger at him for doingthis to me ...”And then:c. Anger at his family members who wereblaming her for his suicide.“Even though I feel this anger at his family forblaming me for his death ...”d. Then the pain of being rejected and treatedbadly by his family.“Even though I feel this intense pain because ofbeing rejected and accused by his family in thisway...”

Until now she had been unable to recognize theobvious - her own feelings of guilt. I had asked herif she was feeling guilty but it was difficult for herto admit to herself. So, I let it be. Thus, we werenot addressing the basic underlying emotion.Consequently we went from a beginning 10 on allthe above to around 3.

In our next session, a few days later, I asked heragain about the guilt and now she was able to seeher feelings of guilt for having left him before hecommitted suicide.

So we worked on:e. Guilt for not having been with him and havinghad these conflicts with him.

“Even though I feel this guilt for having left himbefore he committed suicide ...”

This then caused her to understand that his family(and even her children at times) were simplyreflecting back to her, her own feelings of guilt.After a few more rounds, when she was able tofree herself from her own guilt, all the otherfeelings disappeared.

She came down to a zero on all issues. She was atpeace with herself and the others.

I have found this to be very common. Oftenbehind anger we find pain and guilt whichobstruct our freedom from anger. Anger is amechanism, which allows us to avoid feeling ourpain, guilt and sometimes our fear.

Thus when working with anger, hate or even painof loss, I often look for fear or guilt as more coreemotions.

3. Fear of Bankruptcy

Alice was unable to free herself from her fear ofimpending bankruptcy. She had headaches andwas obviously in continuous anxiety throughoutthe EFT seminar in Cyprus. After doing EFT witha large group, I asked for hands of those who hadnot come down below a SUD of 5.

She raised her hand stating that she was still a 10.I asked her if she would like to come to the frontof the room to work on this. She agreed but whenI asked her to make the first set up statement, shesuddenly had the need to vomit and I sent herwith another woman to the toilets where she, infact, vomited just at this thought of possiblyhaving to succumb to bankruptcy. She had beenunable to sleep for one week.

At the end of the first day, I asked her if she wouldlike to stay 20 minutes and work on this. Sheagreed.

Her first feeling was that, "This is the end – thereis no life after bankruptcy.”We worked on each of these in this series:a. There is no life after bankruptcyThat brought up:b. I will be a failure if this happenswhich brought upc. I am weak and can do nothing.This then lead her to feeld. Anger and then revenge towards those whowere pressuring her to pay ($ 7,000)Then the feeling:


e. They are using me and abusing me.

Then, when we brought all of the above to 2 orless, I asked her to imagine giving the money,avoiding the bankruptcy and tell me what she felt.

She answered,f. I feel that I am stupid - a fool to pay this andthat I will lose my self-worth if I pay them.We then worked with, “Even though I feel that Ilose my self-worth if I pay them..”

When that came down to zero, I then asked herhow she felt and what she wanted to do.

She answered, simply "The easiest thing to do is topay them and relax.”

This is so indicative of EFT. She was sleepless, inagony and even vomited with the idea of workingon it, and, she is now telling me, “the easiest thingto do is to pay what I owe”

This option was there all the time!!! She had themoney. It was no big deal. She simply didn’t wantto be the fool and let them get what they wanted.When she overcame that, she was free.

Although she had the money all the time, she wasobstructed by her fear of losing her self-worth.

The next day she came in beaming and expressedher gratitude that she had become free from thisemotional and physical ordeal. She had sleptdeeply and was beaming all day long.

4. Anger at brother in law

Suzan’s husband had died four months earlierfrom cancer.She was very angry with his brother because hewas behaving in a way which caused her and herhusband and children to experience pain andinjustice during and after her husband’s painfulillness and death.

We started with hera. Angerand thenb. Hate

This surprisingly becamec. Jealousy because he and his wife were living afine life and were accepted and respected by thecommunity.This lead to the:d. Need to expose him to the community sothat everyone could see "who he really was".

This then lead us to the realization that:e. She needed his acceptance because withoutitf. She would have to work more to gain theacceptance of the community.

She feared losing the village’s acceptance becauseof her negative relationship with him and his wifewho used to a be very good friend of hers.

After working on these, when I asked her abouthow she felt about forgiving them, the answer was,g. They will not forgive me.h. I feel like I will be losing my self-worth if Iforgive them and they do not accept.We worked on these until she felt okay regardlessof the community’s beliefs and her brother inlaw’s behavior.

Suzan came down to a zero on all aspects of thisissue.

Comment:What comes up here is that we often findforgiveness difficult when we:

a. Are afraid that the other will not respond.b. Still need something from the other, which wefear we will not get.c. Believe that such forgiveness would make theother think that he or she is right and thus we arewrong.d. When we do not want to confront our feelingsof fear.

I received an email from Suzan about a monthlater with the following message. The brackets aremine for clarification.

Dear Robert,I want you to know how grateful I am to you forteaching me a treasure (EFT) that has been doingmiracles to me. It is such a quick and easyremedy, such an easy way of relieving oneselffrom any unwanted feeling.To be specific, on the day I saw you, and later inthe evening, my elder daughter noticed a changein me. She noticed I was calmer than usual andmore relaxed. The fear I had from meetingbrother (in law) and his wife or popping into thevillage, has diminished.They were around on Saturday, but I was veryrelaxed and free from the very negative feelings Ihad before.Five days later, I knew that they were going to beat a certain party with me along with around 25people from the same circle.


The group is small, and this irritated me andmade me a bit worried. So, I thought of theexercise and the tapping. I did that around fourtimes moving from one feeling to the other, justthe same way you did with me. I had such a niceevening, lots of self-confidence, and lots ofthinking of you.Thank you.I do believe in your way (EFT). I believe it canchange lives. It has started changing minealready.

5. Fear of riding in an elevator

Alice was afraid of riding in elevators ever sinceher mother’s death when she was about 26 yearsold. She is now 40.

She was also afraid of death. She chose to startwith that, after a short discussion about whichmight be the core issue. The fear of the elevatorwas obviously included in the fear of death.

a. We worked on the fear of death and got itdown to 1.b. Then we worked on fear of riding in theelevator bringing the following aspects one by onedown to 1 or 0.a. Riding in the elevatorb. Being stopped in the elevatorc. Not being able to breathe if it stopsd. Darkness if it stopse. Not being able to get out if it stops.

Although, when she thought of each of theseaspects she had no emotional charge anymore andshe was quite calm, she was still not ready for atrial run in the elevator. (The elevators in Lebanonstop regularly due to electrical failures and wewere on the seventh floor.)

I believe there were still other aspects we had notfound (some perhaps from before birth) or sometype of energy toxins working. I had to leave thenext day and was unable to pursue this matter.

What is interesting here, however, are the variousaspects of riding, stopping, breathing, darknessand not being able to get out, which came up aswe worked on each previous aspects bringing theSUD down.

6. Anger at her girlfriend

Ann was angry with her girlfriend forsomething she had done many years ago. She sawher girlfriend, "every night in her dreams"

We worked on the anger (on the stage in the firstday of the seminar) and got it down to 5.As it wasn’t moving down anymore, I asked if shefelt any guilt concerning her girlfriend. Sheimmediately answered yes (she had not treatedher well when she was in need) and that the SUDfor the guilt was a 5, just like the anger.

We worked on the guilt and when it came down tozero so did the anger.She was freed from the problem and the pain,which it was creating for her.

Again we see that guilt is the actual core emotionbehind anger or pain.

7. Fear of touching his eyes.

For the last 40 years Dimitri was unable to touchhis eyes and would cringe and shiver whenever heever saw his wife putting in her contact lenses.

During the seminar his discomfort became evengreater because of the need to make the eyemovements in the gamut series. At the end of thefirst day, I asked them all to perform 5 rounds athome before returning the next day.

That night he got even worse and didn’t want toget up in the morning and had an aversion tocoming to the next day of the seminar.

He came and while we were doing a tappingexercise for addictions, he remembered anexperience from his childhood where he was verydisappointed by his parent’s indifference towardssomething that was important to him. He thenharmed his eyes and made them red and puffy soas to get their attention.

He tapped for this disappointment and rejectionwhich he had felt during those years. After oneround, he was released from that. He laterinformed us of what had happened explaininghow simple it now seemed to him. He nowperceived that what he did then was important forhim and it did not matter whether or not it wasimportant to his parents.

This type of cognitive change is so indicative ofEFT transformations when the energy field is putin order and the emotional static is removed.He showed us all how easy it was to touch his eyesnow. And even asked his wife to take out andreplace her contacts so he could check out hisreaction. He was totally fine.


If he had not kept it up, he would not havebeen healed.This verifies for me the importance of persistenceon these issues. Some of us have this ability tocontinue even when not getting immediate resultsor even when getting worse.

Many, however, do not. In such cases, they requirea seminar or an experienced practitioner topressure them. If he had not come to the seminarthat day (because his wife was coming), he mightnot have realized all of this and worked on it.

.Chapter Eight

Case Histories and a Study in Aspects in EFT

Part two

EFT seminars and personal appointmentsin Greece

The names of course have been altered, except incases were we indicate that this is the real name.

Some, but not all, of these people are also involvedin our self-knowledge seminars and psychologydiscussion groups. Many of their problems hadbeen solved through those seminars and we arenow working on what has remained.

I will not mention the complete set up phrases,but only the subject of each round.In all of the cases people tapped for themselves atfirst so that they would learn and integrate theprocess. In some of the cases I then continued totap for them for greater efficiency and economy oftime, using at times the short cuts (or algorithmsas he calls them) discovered by Dr. Callahan.

8. Inability to eat

Beth was unable to eat. As we worked on thisproblem with, "Even though I fear eating, I deeplyand profoundly love myself”, the following aspectscame to the surface:a. Fear of mother’s anger and suppression (shewould force her to eat and drink milk).b. Pain of seeing her mother hit her sister on thehead with shoe and blood squirting out of hersister’s head.c. Pain because her father told her that she wasnot their child, but was left by the gypsies.d. Anger at her mother for what she had done.

During that first session we worked with all ofthese, bringing them all down to a SUD of three. Iasked her to keep a diary of her feelings and writedown any childhood memories, which came to thesurface.

A week later she was much improved and wemade some tests on the previous aspects. Thefollowing new aspects came up:e. Fear when hearing her mother shrieking whenshe (the mother) was hitting her sister on thehead.f. Fear of not being able to handle, manage orcope with life.g. Inability (fear) to express herself.

We worked on these bringing them all down to 0or 1.Then I asked her to express herself to her motherin a form of psychodrama, telling her what she feltand what she needed as a child.We worked with whatever came up during thepsychodrama.

She is now much better and eating normally. Shestill has many other issues to work with, but hastemporarily moved to another location. I receiveda telephone message on my answering machineafter a month, in which she informed me that shehad to travel, but that her eating was much better.

9. Fear of Cancer

Jane had a fear of cancer:

a. As we worked on "Even though I fear dying ofcancer, I deeply and profoundly love myself,” shecame up with the following realization.As her SUD came down, she realized that herfather had not allowed her to see her aunt whenher aunt was dying of cancer.b. When we worked on her feeling of rejection atbeing prohibited from seeing her ill aunt when shewas a child, her fear of cancer disappeared.


I am not sure if I really understood thisconnection, but it worked. (Perhaps she felt someguilt about not being able to see her aunt?) Wenever investigated this further.

10. Back pain, insomnia, depression, guilt,anger and panic attacks.

Anna experienced excruciating back pain and wasable to sleep only 1.5 hours a night.

She was also very angry with her first husband forcheating on her, and was now unable to besexually open to her second husband. She feltdepressed and tried to commit suicide after about5 years of her first marriage. She also had frequentpanic attacks especially when going to sleep atnight.

For our first session we started with her lowerback (she had a cyst in a slipped disc) and legpain. This brought upa. Anger at being betrayed by her previoushusband.b. Pain because of his betrayal.c . Resistance towards being approachedsexually by her present husband.

All were brought down to 0 or 1.

That night she slept for about 12 hours and felt nodepression the next day. She was also able toaccept her present husband more lovingly. Shehad a clearer mind and did not need to take hersleeping pill to sleep as she usually did.

In our next session she learned how to bring thephysical pain in her lower back down to zero byherself. When she did this it would disappear forabout 20 minutes and then come back. (She hasan actual problem there.) Even though she gotrelief from the EFT, she did it only a few times aweek, which caused us to believe that there mustbe some type of reversal which is preventing herfrom employing EFT to her own benefit.

I asked her to imagine herself doing EFT 10 timesa day for the physical pain and 3 times a day forvarious past traumas, which were coming up inthe discussion.

d. When she rubbed the sore spot and repeated"even though I feel resistance to employingthis technique regularly for my own benefit,”she stopped and started crying and then sharedwith me that when she divorced her ex-husband,she was unable to take custody of their son. She

then described her son’s present problems which,were really worrying her.

It became obvious that part of the resistance hadto do with guilt about not being able to care forher son then and also for trying to commit suicidein front of him. (She had this image of him as asmall child watching her as she tried to commitsuicide.)

She shared these events with me for about tenminutes (without any tapping) and then I askedher how her lower back was. It had descendedfrom a 10 to a 2 just by airing these feelings. Shethen understood the role of her thoughts andfeelings in increasing this pain. But the fact was,however, that she did have a serious physicalproblem in her lower back.

e. We went on to tap for the guilt about leavingher child with his father and brought it from a 5to 0.

f. Then we went on to work on the guilt forattempting suicide, which also moved from 8to 1.

g. Then we tapped for the back pain, which wasalmost gone and brought it down to 0.

I asked her to employ EFT 5 to 10 times a day forher lower back and work on each specificchildhood experience separately so as to removetheir emotional charge.

Some of the experiences were:• Her father was very violent, beating her

brother and their farm animals and also killingcats, kittens and mice.

• He rejected her constantly.• When her mother found out that she had a

relationship at the age of 16, she told her that itwould be better if she (Anna) died so that hermother could have peace.

She now needed to work on each of these traumasand thus remove the general tension in thesubconscious and energy field, nervous systemand muscles, which were adding to the back painproblem.

About a month later we worked again on herfeelings of:1. Guilt for having tried to commit suicidein front of her child.2. The symptoms, which she felt when she wascommitting suicide, such as coldness in the limbs,dizziness, weakness and fear of death.


3. The panic attacks which were much less butstill occasionally there.As we were working on these three issues, whichseemed all related to that one suicide attemptexperience, her symptoms of coldness andweakness appeared in her body.

We worked directly on these symptoms until herfeelings about them dropped to zero and then thesymptoms disappeared. This is very common. Weactually feed our symptoms when we fear and donot accept them. When we accept them, theyrecede.

We worked a little more bringing all the aspectsdown to zero as she focused her son in front of heras she made the suicide attempt and the physicalsymptoms, which she had then.

She left ten emotional pounds lighter, but still hadissues to work with.

11. Guilt about son’s cancer

Gina, a pediatrician, felt guilt about her son’sserious skin cancer because she felt that, as adoctor, she should have seen it coming and takencorrective actions much earlier.

a. When we started her guilt was 10.b. She also felt sorrow for her son.

We tapped for the guilt and when it came down toabout a 5 and then I asked if there was any otherfeeling. She answered, pain and sorrow for herson. We worked on this, which then brought up:

c. Pain and abandonment from God for nothelping her to discover this earlier.

She then had a memory, which she believes isfrom a past life in which she threw a child into ariver causing its death. And now she believes shedeserves what is happening for this reason.

d. We worked on the guilt of "having thrown achild in the river"(So now we have EFT for past life emotions. Evenif it is not true, it exists in her mind and needs tobe dealt with)

e. When this also came down, I asked her whatshe was feeling and she answered, "I feel like I amtrying to get into a circle but cannot."

I intuitively asked her, "Do you miss feelingguilty?"She answered, "Yes"

This guilt had been a part of her life and now shewas looking for it.

f. So we tapped for the “need to feel guilty.”

Comment:

This is an important form of resistance towardsfreeing ourselves from emotions and it needs to beaddressed. We become addicted to emotions suchas fear, guilt, anger, injustice and pain.

I actually hypothesize that each of these emotionscreates a specific hormonal – chemical - energystate, which becomes a habit or addiction andwhen we do not get our dose, we seek to create thecircumstances to feel that familiar feeling.

We all know people who seem to be looking to berejected or hurt and will find any reason to be so.Others may need their weekly, weekend ormonthly “dose” of conflict, anger or suffering.

We describe how to work with these forms ofresistance in other chapters.

The next time I saw Gina, although she was stillsad about her son, she was free from the guilt.

I usually ask people to support their new state byasking, "why do you not feeling guilty any more?",just to check to see if an insight or realization hasbeen made.Her answer was, "This was my state of evolution.It was all that I could do."

She had realized and accepted this simple truthwhich we all logically know, but cannot experiencebecause of our disturbed energy fields.

11. Fear of public speaking

Lena had an intense fear of publicspeaking.We began to work on this "even though I fearspeaking in front of others…"She was immediately transported back to an eventin her childhood where she about 8 years old infront of her class, and her mother (who waspresent) asked that she recite a poem in front ofthe class. Her mother was very proud of herdaughter and of course herself for having such aspecial daughter.

She would repeatedly say to Lena, you are special,you are not like the others, creating in her greatpressure to be special, better and consequentlyseparate from the others. This caused Lena to feel


quite lonely. She could not be just “one of thegroup”. The result in that childhood experiencewas that she actually refused to speak in front ofthe class and disappointed her mother.

These experiences create pressure on her today tobe perfect, particularly when she is speaking infront of others. She is a lawyer.

We worked on the following aspects, which cameup one by one:a. Fear of speaking in front of others.b. Shame for not satisfying them (especially hermother).c. Anger with her mother.d. Anger with herself.e. Feeling others as antagonistic when she isspeaking in front of them.f. The need to please them and fear of not beingable to do so.g. Guilt because of disappointing them.h. Suppression because of the feeling that shehas to satisfy them.

We can see here how a supposedly positiveaffirmation can create serious problems, when it isinterpreted to mean that the child will be worthyof acceptance and love only if he or she alwaysfulfills these prerequisites.Some examples might be:

a. Message: You are special - different -better.Resulting belief: I must always be special,different and better in order to be worthy of loveand acceptance.

b. Message: You are the prettiest.Resulting belief: I must be prettier than the othersin order to be worthy of love and acceptance.

c. Message: You are the smartest.Resulting belief: I must know more than theothers in order to be loved and accepted.

The problem with such messages is that theycreate the idea that we are loved under certainconditions and also that we must compete withothers for those conditions.

At our second meeting, we continued with thepublic speaking problem, which seemed to still bethere, addressing the following aspects.

a. Fear of leading people to wrong conclusionswith what I tell them.b. Fear of their opinion of me as I speak.

c. Fear that they will not understand what Ihave to say.d. Feelings of separateness - loneliness.

After one month we spoke about this last feelingof separateness from others, which she explainedwas about 3 or 4. She felt that was not somethingnegative, but something which allowed her to findher center more easily and spend her time morecreatively. She had no negative feelings aboutfeeling different and separate.

12. Guilt, pain and rejection towardshomosexual and drug-using son.

Martha’s son is involved with drugs and his sexualpreference is homosexuality. He ended up in jailfor about six months.

We worked on the following feelings concerningthis issue:

a. Guilt that she was in some way responsible forhis reality.This went from 10 to 5 and then to a zero.b. Injustice that this should happen to her.This started at 10 and came to zero.c. Pain in her chest in the area of the heart.This started at 9 and fell to zero.d. Rejection towards him and his lifestylechoices.This started at 10 and fell after a number ofrounds to zero.

e. I then asked her to check the guilt again and ithad gone up to 3 so we tapped again for that and itcame again to zero.

In the end I asked her, why she accepts him nowwhen ten minutes earlier had rejected him with aSUD of 10.She answered simply, “because I love him.”

This is so common with EFT. Our emotionaldisturbances are covering our deeper wisdom andlove. When they are removed, we experience ourtrue selves.

Comment:Why would the guilt come up again? My theory isthat we have a basic belief that “someone must beto blame”. Thus as long as she was rejecting him,she was hiding some portion of her own feelings ofresponsibility. When her rejection towards himwas removed, the remaining guilt, which washidden behind her rejecting him, came to thesurface, but was easily removed.


This is an interesting phenomenon. We seem tosolve problems by blaming or rejecting others.Having done so, we can “relax”.

I once experienced this very clearly. Somestudents who left our center began to spread themost horrible and obscene lies about me.

This hurt me, as I loved them and they were stillin my heart. After a few months of this ordeal, afriend of mine said to me, “You are in pain,because you do not believe in evil. These peopleare evil.”

In my next meditation, I allowed myself to try outthe thought, “They are evil”. I felt an immediaterelaxation and realized how most of us solve ourproblems. We no longer feel hurt; we havenothing to examine in our lives, nothing tochange. Very convenient. No evolution isnecessary on our part, because all the blame is onthe others.

I immediately realized that this is not the way Iwanted to deal with this. I chose to find peace inthe faith that I am the sole creator of my realityand that all others are simply giving me thelessons I need in order to grow spiritually.

In this case I needed to learn:* Not to care what others think of me.* To forgive and love those who were spreadingthese lies.

Comment:

Another belief, which causes us to reject others, is,“there must be only one right way and all otherperceptions are wrong.” If the other is right, then Imust be wrong. Thus, I have the need to believethat the other is wrong, so I can be right.

We have difficulty realizing that we are all in anevolutionary process and each person is growingthrough his specific experiences and experimentswith life.

This is also true of our belief that someone has tobe to blame for something that has gone wrong.Another perception would be that what ishappening is exactly what we need for ourevolutionary process.In Martha’s case, she needed to free herself fromthe belief that she is guilty and also that her son iswrong.

13. Pain for son in jail and sister’s rejectionand greed

Louise’s son has been in jail for the last eight yearson drug charges. He broke out once and wascaught and his sentence was increased.She had suffered much all these years. She wasstill suffering when she came to the appointment.She had overcome her feelings of guilt andresponsibility, but not the pain of seeing her sonin prison.

a. We worked on the pain she felt for her sonin prison. It came down slowly 10 to 9 to 8 to 6to 3 to zero.I asked her why she did not feel any more pain.She answered, “It seems that as a soul, he haschosen to have these experiences.”

Louise had another problem. Her sisterrefused to share their family inheritance.In order to avoid fighting, Lousy gave in and gaveit all to her.b. We worked with her pain. This also movedslowly from 10 to 8 to 6to 3 to zero.c. Then we worked on her feeling rejected byher sister. This went from 10 to 2 to zero.

She was glowing when she left. Two great burdenshad been lifted.Thank God for EFT.

We spoke four weeks later and she was stillvery well on both issues, even though she hadcontact with both her son and her sister. She nolonger had any of those emotions we worked on.

She mentioned to me that she really could notunderstand how easy it was to free herself fromthose feelings.

14. Fear of driving, anger and guilt

Amalia was afraid to drive a car. She had obtaineda license, but had not ever had the courage toactually drive.We worked on the following aspects:a. Shame that she cannot drive.b. Fear that she does not know how to drive.c. Fear of doing damage to others with the card. Fear of hitting someone with the car.

At this point she remembered that her brotherhad been killed in a car crash. Her feelingschanged, and we worked on:

e. The pain of losing her brother.f. Anger at her brother, because of the way hetreated her.g. Anger with her father, because he neverprotected her from her brother.


h. Guilt because she felt released by herbrother’s death.

All of the above were brought down to one. Thereseemed to be some remaining aspect, whichneeded to be dealt with.

A week later, she drove the family car. There maybe more work to do, but she drove for the firsttime in fifteen years.

Comment:

I believe that Amalia’s fear of doing damage toothers is in someway related to her guilt forfeeling relieved with her brother’s death. She hadwished him to die when he was torturing her.Ordinarily we would suppose that she would fearthat she would have to die in the same way if shewere feeling guilt. But she says her fear is of doingdamage to others, not herself. I am not sure ofhow she has made this connection, but this iswhat has come forth

15. Fear of losing a child by death.

All of her life, Marina feared losing a child, andspecifically her youngest of two boys.She had lost her father and brother when theywere executed in their village, by the Germansduring their occupation of Greece in the SecondWorld War.We worked on the following aspects as theyappeared:

a. Fear of death of her youngest child. (Wedecided to make it as specific as possible)b. Pain of the loss of her father who was killed.c. Pain of loss of her brother who was killed.d. Fear of danger as a child without her father’sprotection.e. Rejection from society because she did nothave a father.f. Sadness because of all that she has lost in lifebecause of this.

After working on bringing all these aspects down,we returned to the original issue of the fear of thedeath of either of her children and it had becomezero.

I spoke with her two months later. She said theremight be a 10% remaining problem but that she is90% better with this one session.

16. Fear of death

Miriam’s fear of death frequently bothered her.In a seminar with 30 participants she was one oftwo who, after tapping with the group, was unableto come down satisfactorily.She still had a fear of death with a SUD of 8.

a. She came up to the front of the room and wedid two rounds. It came down only to 6.

Intuitively suspecting some other issue wasinvolved, I asked her, “are you having any otherfeelings or thoughts at this time.”She immediately responded, “Actually I am moreafraid of leaving my two little children alone hereif I die.”

b. We then worked on her fear of leaving herchildren if she left her body.This came down to a zero in two rounds.We then returned to the fear of death and shecould not find it.

This is very common. We need to be intuitivelyaware of other issues when the SUD is not comingdown.

17. “Black barrier” in chest which preventsjoy

Susan had a “black barrier in her chest” which didnot allow her to feel joy.

We did one round for this “black barrier in mychest.”

She then cried for about 5 minutes for the loss ofher mother, when she was seven years old. Untilthat time, she had never cried about this loss.

She walked away without the “black barrier”.

18. Fear of wife’s anger and results on thefamily

John feared his wife’s angry outbursts. He hadcheated on her a few years ago, and she has notyet overcome her pain and anger and shefrequently explode in anger. They have oneadolescent boy.We worked on the following aspects:a. Fear for what will happen to the family ifthis continues.b. Feeling rejected by his wife.c. Doubt about himself as a person.d. Fear and uncertainty about the future, if hiswife doesn’t overcome her anger.

All of these came to zero.


19. Knot in throat, anger, guilt and pain.

Donna had an annoying blockage in herthroat. She was unsure about remaining with herhusband who had left her and now wanted toreturn. She was also angry with herself, becauseshe had made a decision to leave him, but did not.

a. We tapped first for her anger at herhusband. This brought up other issues, which wethen worked on.b. Anger with her husband who because of hisramblings had brought into their bed anaphrodisiacal illnesses, which their two-year-old daughter, who sometimes slept with them,contracted.c. Anger at her husband because he wasn’tworking and bringing any money into the home.This brought up:d. Guilt for exposing her child to this horribledisease.e. Shame because the doctors were wonderinghow the child could contract such a disease.

She had quite a crisis and cried for about tenminutes.While working on each of these, we went back andforth between her emotions and the pain in thethroat as a basic frame of reference for thedisturbance.It came down and disappeared.She felt much better. But I have the feeling thatthere is more work to be done on other relatedissues.

20. Knot in throat, fear of death and guiltabout drinking.

Susan also came with a knot in her throat. Shealso had a fear of death (after her father’s death)and considerable anxiety.We went through the following aspects in thisseries:a. Knot in the throat.b. Tightness in jaws.c. Sadnessd. Angere. Guiltf. Pain in the headg. Difficulty in Breathingh. At this point even though she was feeling muchbetter, she noticed a voice in the back of her mind

- the doubt, “This cannot work for me, Icannot get better.”We worked on this feeling and that brought us to:i. Guilt about drinking (three glasses of wine aday)j. Fear of dying, because of drinking

Then, we worked on her “addiction” to drinkingand asked her to do EFT at home both for theneed to drink and also for the guilt aboutdrinking.

21. Anger and guilt for having “trapped” herhusband with a lie.

Paula had simultaneous feelings of anger and guilttowards her husband. She had been suppressing asecret for 35 years. She had told him she waspregnant so that he would marry her when in factshe was not pregnant.Now she had very confused feelings. She had adepression and was taking pills for that and alsoto help her sleep for the last three years.

a. We began with guilt for saying she waspregnant, when she was actually not. That wentfrom five to zero in a few rounds.b. Disappointment in him and the way hedeals with life. From five to zero.c. Anger with him. Five to zero.d. Melancholy - slight depression. Eight tozero.e. Something else, which she was unable toexplain what it was, other than it was centered inher chest area went from ten to three.

Our time ran out. I saw her a month later. She wastotally free from the depression and had not takenher pills since the day of our meeting. She saidthat she simply forgot to taken them. She wasfeeling much better about her husband. All thiswas the result of one hour’s work.

Comment: We do not suggest that you stoptaking any medication without permission fromyour doctor, psychologist or psychotherapist.


Chapter Nine

EFT and Overcoming Fearin Order to Experience Total Freedom

"We Have Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself"Franklin Theodore Roosevelt

Indeed fear is our greatest obstacle to happiness,peace and fulfillment on a personal, social andinternational level. All anger, hatred, prejudice,aggression, violence, and war can be ultimatelyattributed to fear.

For this reason, we are dedicating a separatechapter to fear.

If we want to be free, loving and happy beings or ifwe want to grow spiritually we will need toovercome all fears.

Now, with EFT we can do this quite easily.

Fear is the Mother ofAll Negative Emotions

The various expressions of fear have differentnames such as insecurity, anxiety, concern,weakness, worry, inability, confusion, fear itself,depression, denial, shock, hysteria, panic,paralysis, anger, hate, rage, aggressiveness,violence and jealously, etc.

From the moment we relinquished the security ofour mother’s womb and had our umbilical cordcut, we experienced separation, isolation,insecurity and fear.

We fear for our bodies and personalities, becausewe know they are vulnerable and mortal. Out offear, we seek to create some sense of security byensuring that we have “sufficient” people, money,and objects, as well as a professional and socialposition, etc. in our lives.

Then we experience a second level of fear: thefear that we might not be able to hold ontoeverything we have acquired. We might lose themto death, decay or change.We fear not having what we need in order to feelsecure and happy.

We fear losing these things when we do havethem.We fear others who might take these things fromus.We fear change that might make them disappear.We fear death, which means losing all this.

Some Types of Fears

There are literally thousands of variousmanifestations of fear. We can fear just aboutanything our imagination allows. Let us list just afew, while remembering that they all stem fromthe basic fear of pain, rejection or extinction of theego or its various attachments.

Our most common fears are:

1. Rejection

2. Failure

3. Death of a loved one

4. Our own death

5. Illness and weakness

6. Physical and / or emotional pain

7. People and animals

A List of Fears

Take a look at the following list to see whichstimuli or thoughts might sometimes cause you tofeel uncomfortable. Basic fears can be expressedin an infinite number of ways according to eachperson’s specific mental mechanisms.

Remember that sometimes fears can besubconscious, thus, although our basic emotion isfear, we might react with anger or we might cry.Even when we may not consciously fear, our innerchild or subconscious may.


Check on this list for whatever makes you feeluncomfortable and add anything else youdiscover.

1. Your own death2. Sudden death by accident3. Death of a loved one4. Illness5. Being paralyzed6. Growing old7. War8. Earthquakes9. Snakes, rats, mice, cockroaches10. Dogs, cats11. Failure at work12. Failure in relationships13. Failure at school14. Failure in life15. Rejection from others16. Being laughed at by others17. Criticism18. Loneliness19. Financial insecurity20. Others’ aggressiveness21. The dark22. The unknown23. God or his punishment24. Losing your freedom25. Losing your self-worth26. Conflicts with others27. The sea, heights, fires28. Cars, planes, boats29. Elevators, confined spaces30. Large gatherings of people31. Travelling by yourself32. Losing your sanity33. Being rejected in a love relationship34. The opposite sex35. Microbes and dirt36. Others________________________

For many of us darkness offers a festiveoccasion for fear to play with ourimagination. A dark, unfamiliar room (or even afamiliar one after seeing one of those horror films)becomes quite threatening. Darkness is theunknown and therefore is associated with dangerand death. The mind can imagine anything hidingin the darkness. We are ignorant of what lies indarkness and thus identify it with danger anddeath.

Employing EFT for Fears

The next step is to employ EFT on each and everyfear until we are totally free to experience peace,love and happiness in every situation.

Also, when dealing with other issues such asanger, jealousy and resentment, etc. we will oftencome into contact with our fears, which are thebasis of those feelings.

Remember:We use two phrases when doing the set up.

A. We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap theside of the hand) repeating phrase "A" threetimes. We are supplying alternative “A” phrases. Ifnone of them suit you, create your own. Weshould, however always start with the originalphrase “Even though I fear _____________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.”Once we feel that to some extent, we can move onto the others, if we choose.

B. Then we repeat phrase "B" three times whilerubbing on the sore spot on the other side (ortapping on the side of the other hand). “I choose(want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that itis in my benefit) to be free from this fear of_______”

C. Then we repeat the "C" reminder phrase whiletapping on the 12 points. “Fear of ______..”

******************

A.1. Even though I fear _____________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now feel totally safe andsecure with that.

A.3. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now feel totally capable ofdealing with it.

A.4. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now experience my innersecurity and faith in my ability to deal with this.

A.5. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now feel peace inrelationship to that.A.6. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now realize that I am totallysafe and secure.

A.7. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now experience myself as aneternal soul in the process of evolution.


A.8. Even though until now I have feared_____________, I now experience myself asdivine energy.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this fear of ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of ______.

Repeat as many rounds as necessary in order toget totally free from each fear.

This process may take you through other, perhapsdeeper or parallel fears, emotions, aspects,

physical sensations and even childhoodexperiences.

Just keep on tapping until you get through andfree and happy!

If you feel that you cannot deal with what comesup, then get help from a psychotherapistpreferably trained in EFT.

See Gary Craig’s site for practitioners in your areahttp://www.emofree.com.


Chapter Ten

EFT and Health Issues

It is commonly accepted now by most healthprofessionals that our emotions can create awide variety of psychosomatic illnesses andsymptoms.

Unresolved disruptions in our body’s energyfield cause malfunctioning in our organs andsystems. This usually occurs when the negativeemotion’s energy field affects the pituitary glandand hypothalamus, which in turn control all theother systems of the body through hormonal andelectronic messages.

When dealing with health issues, we may needto employ EFT on the following aspects.Remember to work with one symptom or aspectat a time. Do not combine problems or parts ofthe body even if they are related.

1. On the energy field of the symptoms such aspain, tiredness, numbness or weakness etc.

A.1. Even though I have this (symptom)___________ in my (part of body)_____, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had this(symptom) ___________ in my (part ofbody)_____, I now experience comfort, healthand vitality.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis (symptom - one at a time) ___________in my (part of body)_____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (Symptom)___________ in my (part of body)_____

2. On any emotions, which we believe may becreating the problem or which come to thesurface while we are working on the physicalproblem.

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion) ________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt(emotion) ___________, I now feel safe,worthy, peaceful and happy.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis (emotion) __________.

C. Reminder Phrase = (Emotion)______.

3. On the actual physical causes of thesymptoms at a deeper level.

A.1. Even though I have this (the deeperphysical problem) ___________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had this (thedeeper physical problem) ___________, Inow create health in the deepest levels of mybeing.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromt h i s ( t h e d e e p e r p h y s i c a lproblem)__________.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The deeper physicalproblem)______.

4. On any resistance we feel towards living ourlives in a healthy way such as:

a. Eating properlyb. Exercising regularly.c. Performing relaxation techniques.d. Positive projection techniques.e. Anything else, which might improve

our health.

A.1. Even though I have this resistance to (whatwe need/want to do to create or maintain ourhealth) ___________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had thisresistance to (what we need/want to do to createor maintain our health) ___________, I nowlovingly and joyfully care for my body and mind.


B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis resistance to (what we need/want to do tocreate or maintain our health)__________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Resistance to (what weneed/want to do to create or maintain ourhealth)__________.

5. Difficulties in communicating our needsand feelings. (These unexpressed feelings orunfulfilled needs may contribute to theproblem.)

A.1. Even though I have this resistance toexpressing (what we need to express)___________, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had thisresistance to expressing (what we need toexpress) ___________, I now do so with loveand sincerity for the good of all.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis resistance to expressing (what we need toexpress) ___________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Resistance to expressing(what we need to express) __________.

6. Any forms of anxiety, which distort ourenergy field in general.

A.1. Even though I have this anxiety (fear,insecurity) about (whatever issue causes ourfear) ___________, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had thisanxiety (fear, insecurity) about (whatever issuecauses our fear) ___________, I now feeltotally secure and capable of dealing with this.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis anxiety (fear, insecurity) about (whateverissue causes our fear) ___________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Anxiety (fear, insecurity)about (whatever issue causes our fear) ____.

7. Any forms of resistance which may make ussubconsciously not want to be well such as:a. Fear that others will not pay as muchattention to us.

b. Fear that we will have to be responsible forour lives.c. Fear that we won’t be “as interesting” withoutour problem.d. Belief that we do not deserve to be well.e. Belief that we are being punished forsomething we did which was wrong.

A.1. Even though I fear (have resistance to)being totally well because ________, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared(resisted) being totally well because ________,I now feel totally worthy and safe and secure inaccepting total health and happiness.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfear (resistance to) being totally well and happybecause ________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear (resistance to) beingtotally well and happy

If we have no idea about what may be causingthis illness or may be inhibiting our vitality andhealth, we can just tap for this “obstacle tohealth.”

What We Can Learn From Illness

I remember a story told by Dr. Jayadeva of theYOGA INSTITUTE OF BOMBAY.

"Once an enlightened being was asked ‘Who wasyour guru?’ He answered, ‘Sinusitis.’ Theenlightened one went on to explain that in orderto free himself of his sinusitis he had to changehis diet completely. Then he started doingexercises and breathing techniques to purify andremove the stresses from his body thatintensified the problem. After that, he startedpracticing deep relaxation and meditation inorder to quiet the mind and nervous system,which seemed to be at the root of the sinusitis.Finally, he had to completely alter hisunderstanding of himself and the world aroundhim, so as to remove the basic causes ofimbalance in his body and mind. As a result ofall these efforts and changes, his body and mindbecame so purified and in tune with the Spirit,he became enlightened."

Some possible lessons we might learn fromillness are:


1. To improve our diet: Choose to eathealthier foods in proper quantities, so the bodyand mind will be strengthened and able tofunction effectively and clearly, biologically,mentally and spiritually.

2. To adopt healthier living habits: Learnto exercise, breathe and relax regularly, so as tocreate a body that has the strength to protecti tse l f f rom microbes and variousmalfunctionings.

3. To analyze and correct any negativethought patterns that may create emotional,mental or physical blockages.

4. To learn to be more humble andcompassionate through this rather humblingposition in which we are temporarily weak,vulnerable, and perhaps even dependent uponothers.

5. To learn to accept love and care fromothers: some of us cannot accept affection oreven simple compliments from others. Wealways want to be on the giving side. This cansometimes be based on egotistic motives.

6. To think more deeply about themeaning of life: Why are we here? What is thepurpose of life?

7. To re-examine our goals and valuesystem: what do we want from life? What isimportant to us? Are we living in such a way asto achieve our goals?

8. To develop mental powers of positivethought projection so as to send healingenergies into the various parts of our body andheal it.

9. To take a more active role in thecreation of our health, happiness andharmony: only we can create our illness andhealth.

10. To surrender to God’s will: although weare doing everything we can in order to createhealth, we can also accept whatever mayhappen.

11. To concentrate more on our contactwith the Divine through prayer andmeditation.

12. To realize that we are not this body andbegin to dis-identify ourselves from it, feelingourselves as an immortal spirit.

Daily Program

We encourage you to employ EFT and all of theabove in order to create a healthier and morevital body and mind.

Many of us have found that we can use EFT dailyalong with other techniques simply for therejuvenation of the body’s energy flow, thuscreating an energized body and mind.

Some aspects about which we might needto tap for Health Issues

1. On the energy field of the symptoms such aspain, tiredness, numbness or weakness etc.

2. On any emotions, which we believe may becreating the problem or which come to thesurface while we are working on the physicalproblem.

3. On the actual physical causes of thesymptoms at a deeper level.

4. On any resistance we feel towards living ourlives in a healthy way such as:a. Eating properlyb. Exercising regularly.c. Performing relaxation techniques.d. Positive projection techniques.e. Anything else, which might improve ourhealth.

5. Difficulties in communicating our needsand feelings. (These unexpressed feelings orunfulfilled needs may contribute to theproblem.)

6. Any forms of anxiety, which distort ourenergy, field in general.

7. Any forms of resistance which may make ussubconsciously not want to be well such as:a. Fear that others will not pay as muchattention to us.b. Fear that we will have to be responsible forour lives.c. Fear that we won’t be “as interesting” withoutour problem.d. Belief that we do not deserve to be well.e. Belief that we are being punished forsomething we did which was wrong.


Chapter Eleven

Getting Free from Addictions with EFT

When working with our addictions to varioussubstances, we will usually (but not always) needmore perseverance in performing EFT than forother issues such as fear.

Dr. Callahan has discovered that which is obviousbut yet ignored. Addictions are our way ofappeasing anxieties. When we feel anxiety, weseek our addictive substance hoping totemporarily remove that unpleasant feeling.

This, of course, just creates a vicious circlebecause we then become even more addicted andfeel even worse when that substance leaves oursystem. We could be talking here about nicotine,caffeine, sugar, chocolate, sweets, tranquilizersand / or drugs of any type.

Thus, we become addicted in an effort to sedateunwanted feelings and then a whole series offeelings are created around this effort to avoid theoriginal feeling.

We will need to employ EFT for:

1. The desire for the substance.2. The symptoms and feelings of withdrawal.2. The emotions we have about not having our

dose.3. The feelings we have about the fact that

we are addicted.4. The feelings which we are trying to cover

with these substances.

Employing EFT for the Desire Itself

Gary suggests that we employ at least one roundof EFT for any specific desire 15 to 25 times a day.In this way we establish our freedom from it.

When tapping for the desire, we would use thefollowing possible phrases:

A.1. Even though I desire _____________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have desired_____________, I now feel safe, peaceful,happy and free without it.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this desire for ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Desire for ______.

In addition to this, we may need to tap of variousemotions associated with the problem.

Employing EFT for the Emotions Involved

For example we might feel some of the followingemotions:

1. Guilt or shame because of our addiction.

A.1. Even though I feel guilty (ashamed) because Iam addicted to _____________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt guilty(ashamed) because I was addicted to ________,I now understand and love myself.

A.3. Even though until now I have felt guilty(ashamed) because I was addicted to_____________, I now feel safe, peaceful,happy and free without it.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this guilt (shame) about myaddiction to _________.

B.2. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself,accept) to be free from this desire for ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt (shame) about __.

2. Fear that we may not get our “dose”.

A.1. Even though I fear that I will not get my_____________, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt fear that Iwould not be able to get my _______, I now feelsafe, peaceful, happy and free without it.B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this fear of not getting _______.



C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of not getting.

3. Anger towards those who might prevent usfrom getting our dose.

A.1. Even though I feel angry with those whoprevent me from having my _____________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt angry withthose who prevented me from having my_____________, I now feel safe, peaceful,happy and free without it.

A.3. Even though until now I have felt angry withthose who prevented me from having my_____________, I now understand and lovethem for their effort to help me.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this anger _________.


C. Reminder Phrase = Anger at those whoobstruct me.

4. Withdrawal symptoms when we cannot getour dose.

5. Anxiety when we do not get what we want orwhen we are without our substance.

6. Unhappy because we do not have what wewant.

7. Depression because we cannot feel pleasureor happiness without our substance.

8. Suppressed because we do not have what wewant.

The above emotions are combined in the followingcommon set up phrases:

A.1. Even though I feel anxiety (withdrawalsymptoms, unhappy, depressed, suppressed)when I do not get my _____________, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt anxiety(withdrawal symptoms, unhappy, depressed,suppressed) when I did not get my_____________, I now feel safe, peaceful,happy and free without it.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this anxiety (withdrawalsymptoms, unhappiness , depress ion ,suppression).


C. Reminder Phrase = Anxiety (withdrawalsymptoms, unhappiness, depression, suppression)when not getting _________.

Other issues and Aspects

As you can see, the issue grows and occupies anever-greater portion of our lives.

The substance, in addition to relieving ouranxiety, can also come to represent among otherthings:

1. Freedom to have what we want. Thus wewould feel suppressed without it.

A.1. Even though I feel suppressed when I do notget my _____________, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt suppressedwhen I did not get my _____________, I nowfeel safe, peaceful, happy and free without it.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this feeling of suppression –lack offreedom.

B.2. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself,accept) to be free from this desire for_________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Feeling of suppression–lack of freedom.

We are combining the rest in the same phrases.

2. A source of pleasure. We would feelunhappy or depressed without it.


3. A substitute for affection or other needs orpleasures. We would feel unloved or withouthappiness without it.

4. A substitute for companionship. Especiallycigarettes, coffee or alcohol, which require a ritualof preparation.

A.1. Even though I feel deprived of pleasure(affection, companionship) when I do not get my____, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt deprived ofpleasure (affection, companionship) when I didnot get my _____________, I now feel fulfilled,peaceful, happy and free without it.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this feeling of deprivation frompleasure (affection, companionship).


C. Reminder Phrase = Deprivation of pleasure(affection, companionship).

Working with Physical Symptomswhich appear

When physical symptoms arise, then we mightneed to also tap for them to subside.

A . 1 . Even though I have this (physicalphenomenon) ___________ in my (part of thebody) ________ when I do not have (substance)________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now, I have had this(physical phenomenon) ___________ in my(part of the body) ________, I now feel totallypeaceful and healthy.

B.1. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this (physical phenomenon)___________ in my (part of the body) ____when I do not have (substance) ____,

B.2. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself,accept) to be free from this desire for _____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (physical phenomenon)__________ in my (part of the body) _____

When working with addictions we need towork on the following

1. The desire for the substance.

2. The anxiety which comes up when we do nothave it.

3. The physical symptoms of withdrawal thatmight appear.

4 . Any other a s p e c t s or childhoodexperiences that may come up.

5. Any forms of resistance towards freedomfrom this substance that may surface.

Some possible forms of resistance might be:

a. I cannot feel free without this____.b. I cannot feel happy without this____.c. I cannot sleep without this _______.d. I have no other source of pleasure than ___.e. I have no other faithful companion in life than___.f. This is my frame of reference in life ____.g. This is who I am _____.h. I do not know how I will be without this ___.

6. Various other emotions which surface whenwe do not have our substance or when we think ofnot having it. (Possibly an empty feeling, fear orsuppression) Emotions such as

1. Guilt or shame because of our addiction.2. Fear that we may not get our “dose”.3. Anger towards those who might prevent usfrom getting our dose.d. Withdrawal symptoms when we cannot getour dose.e. Anxiety when we do not get what we want orwhen we are without our substance.f. Unhappy because we do not have what wewant.g. Depression because we cannot feel pleasureor happiness without our substance.h. Suppressed because we do not have want wewant.


Chapter Twelve

Working on Goals with EFT

It has been well documented that we can work onremoving obstacles towards goals with EFT bytapping on and “collapsing” each particularobstacle towards those goals, as we become awareof them. We can also work generally on “possibleobstacles” if we are not aware of what might beobstructing our success in this endeavor.

We might be talking about any goals on any level.Some examples might be:

1. Health2. A harmonious love relationship3. Financial security4. Professional satisfaction5. Dietary discipline6. Losing weight7. Self-acceptance8. Loving others as they are9. Athletic achievement10. Mental development11. Concentration12. Increased creative ability13. Learning a language14. Public speaking15. Happiness16. Peace17. Thought-free meditation18. Total honesty4. Better grades at school5. More effective communication6. Overcoming the pain of the loss of a lovedone.Many other possibilities _______________

A. Focusing on our goal

We can start by making a list of our goals.

Some of my present goals are:1. _______________________________2. _______________________________3. _______________________________4. _______________________________5. _______________________________

The first goal I would like to work on is:_____________________________

B. Now, we look for thepossible obstacles

1. A good possible way to discover our specificobstacles is to do a relaxation technique and:

a. Think about the fact that we have not yetachieved our goal and discover how we feelabout not having done so yet. If we find thatwe have negative emotions about not havingsucceeded yet, we will need to employ EFT forthese emotions as described below in the sectionon becoming satisfied with ourselves as we are.

b. Then, we imagine ourselves making theeffort towards that goal and see how we feelabout making that effort. (Do we enjoy it, or do wefeel suppressed, fearful or discouraged? Do we feelthat it is in vain to make this effort – because wewill never succeed?)

If we find we have resistance towards this effort,then we will need to employ EFT for thoseemotions and beliefs, which make the effort itselfdifficult or unpleasant.

c. Now, we imagine ourselves havingsucceeded in this effort and see how we feel nowthat this is not an issue any more.

If we cannot even imagine ourselves successful,then we need to work on anything that might beobstructing that.

If, on the other hand, we can imagine success butfeel that we are in some type of danger or mightlose something else because of it, then we need towork on those emotions and beliefs, whichsubconsciously cause us to undermine oursuccess. Refer to some of the possibilitiesmentioned below.

In our search for obstacles we may want toconsider the following possibilities:

2. A part of me (perhaps subconsciously) mightfeel that in relation to this goal:


a. I do not deserve to have it or fulfil thisgoal

b. I cannot have or manifest this goal.c. I am in some type of danger if I fulfill

this goal.d. I am not capable of fulfilling this goal.e. Others do not want me to have or fulfill

it. I do not want to hurt them or come intoconflict with them.

f. I will lose others’ love if I succeed orfulfill this goal.

g . I will not be a spiritual person if Ihave this or fulfill this goal.

h. I will feel guilty if I have this or fulfillthis goal.

i. I will harm others if I fulfill this goal.j. I am guilty and not worthy and I should

not have or fulfill this goal.k. Since I have not been able to have it

until now, then I will not be able to fulfillthis goal.

l. I will lose my freedom if I fulfill thisgoal.

m. I will lose my self-worth if I succeedhere.

n. I might have to sacrifice some source ofsecurity in order to fulfill this goal.

o . I might give satisfaction to others -something which I do not want to do.

p. The others might cease feeling guiltyabout me.

q. I might lose my control over others.r. My other desires will be unfulfilled if

I have or fulfill this goal.s . The effort to achieve this goal will be

painful or unpleasant.t. I do not have the necessary discipline to

manifest this goal.u. Other ______________________

3. Is there perhaps a part of me which is gettingsomething from the role of being the victimor the “poor me” and thus subconsciously:

a. Feels that things should not go well forme.

b. I must experience injustice, failures andproblems.

4. Are there possibly childhood experiencesconcerning this goal?

a . What did you hear from yourenvironment about this particular goal?Is it easy, difficult, good, bad, right,wrong, for your family?

b. Did others in your childhood environmentachieve this goal? Do you have aprototype for success at this?

c. What were others’ perceptions of you asa child? (In regard to this issue or success,ability or self-worth in general)

d . What was your o w n perception ofyourself as a child? (In regard to this issueor success, ability or self-worth ingeneral)

e . Did anything else happen in yourchildhood years that might affect yourperception of this issue?

5. How do you imagine those important toyou will feel if you succeed or fail at this? Howdo you feel about how they might feel?

6. Do you perhaps have some type of innerconflict about this?

C. Here we list our obstaclesa. _______________________________b. _______________________________c. _______________________________d. _______________________________e. _______________________________f. _______________________________

The Generalization Effect

This is a concept developed by Gary Craig, whichexplains a phenomenon we observe when workingon any goal towards which we have some innerobstacles. Gary uses the metaphor of a forest inwhich we cannot see clearly because of all thetrees. Each tree represents one obstacle or aspectthat needs to be dealt with. We cannot cut themdown all at once. By cutting them down one at atime we can begin to gradually clear the forest sothat our perception becomes clearer. At somepoint in a miraculous way, all the trees seem todisappear as if we have addressed a common rootsystem which brings them all down. We are thenfree to manifest that goal such as a steady andunshakable feeling of self-esteem regardless ofwhat is happening around us.

When sharing Gary’s metaphor in a seminarsetting one woman took exception to it, becauseshe would prefer that we do not cut down trees. SoI now use the following metaphor. We each live ina prison the bars of which are our various fears,beliefs, thoughts, expectations, superstitions andother emotions. When imprisoned by theselimiting aspects of our mental and emotionalbeing, we are not able to experience the innerstates we desire (such as peace, self-esteem, self-confidence, love, happiness) or manifest goals


such as economic or professional success orharmonious relationships.

Our first step as described in this chapter is torecognize what these bars are made up of. We areinterested in the emotions and or beliefs areobstructing our progress or inner state. These arethe bars that need to be cut with the saw of EFT.When we have removed enough bars we begin tohave enough space to move out of the prison, atleast in some particular directions. After sometime, it seems that since we are able to move outof the prison all the other bars are irrelevant andhave no hold over us. They are meaningless.

Chose whichever metaphor suits you. Themessage is that if we have 100 obstacles or aspectsimpeding our desired inner state or external goal,it is very likely that we will succeed after havingperformed EFT on only 10 to 20 of them.

Thus in the following chapter, we are presentingmethods for recognizing the trees or bars andremoving them for greater peace, health andhappiness.

D. We employ EFT oneach obstacle separately

1. For emotions we have concerning the factthat we have not yet succeed. (Perhapsshame, failure, self-rejection, disappointment,injustice or anger etc.)

A.1. Even though I feel ______ about the factthat I have not yet been able to _______, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.or A.2. Even though until now I have felt ______about the fact that I have not yet been able to_______, I am now actualizing (succeeding,manifesting) it.

B. I chose (want, deserve, realize that it is in mybenefit) to be free of this _______ (emotion)C. Reminder phrase: (The emotion) _______concerning ______(fact of not having yetsucceeded)

2. Concerning our ability to manifest thisgoal.

There will be times when we have discoveredspecific obstacles and will word our phrasesaccording to those specific obstacles.

At other times we will not know exactly what ispreventing our success. In such cases we can workwith phrase “this resistance” or “thispossible resistance”. Obviously in such a casewe will not be able to evaluate the SUD, as we canwhen we have found specific emotion or beliefobstructing our progress.Thus when working with general - unknown formsor resistance- we should do around t h r e erounds a day until we get results.

It is also very likely that while working on thegeneral “suspected” obstacle, that we will thenbecome aware of the specific emotions and beliefsthat are obstructing us and will be able to work onthem directly now with a specific SUD and getclearer results.

We would best work with the obstacles towardsmaking the effort first and then towardsaccepting success.There may be times when we will first need toremove the resistance towards the success beforewe can remove the obstacles towards the effort.Experiment and see which SUD is higher andwork on that first.

We must also remember to use the phrases belowfrequently throughout the day for correctingpossible psychological reversal even whennot doing full rounds.

A.1. Even though I have not yet ______. I deeplyand profoundly love and accept myselfOrA.2. Even though it seems that I have some (this)obstacle towards ________, I deeply andprofoundly love and accept myself

A.3. Even though I have not yet ________, I amnow actualizing (succeeding, manifesting) it.

A.4. Even though I have this _______ (specificobstacle) towards ________, I deeply andprofoundly love and accept myselfA.5. Even though I have this _______ (specificobstacle) towards ________, I am nowactualizing (succeeding at, manifesting) it.

A.6. Even though I have this resistance towardsmaking an effort towards ______. I deeply andprofoundly love and accept myself.

A.7. Even though until now I have had thisresistance towards making an effort towards______. I am now enjoying directing my energytowards that which I really want.


B. I choose (want, deserve, accept) to now create__________ (the goal or make this effort –depending on the resistance).

a. Reminder phrase: (The goal) (or obstacle tothe goal)

Procedure for Overcoming goals toobstacles

A. We Focus on our goal

B. We look for the possible obstacles(Imagine self trying and succeeding)1. Obstacles to making the efforto. Obstacles to accepting success

C. We list our obstacles

D. We employ EFT on each obstacleseparately

Intention - Practice - Sacrifice -Perseverance - Patience - Detachment

Working towards goals often requires thesequalities:

1. Intention and Concentration on ourgoals means that we focus on them clearlyand intensely (Without anxiety but withconfidence that we will manifest them) anddirect our energy, time, money andintelligence towards them.

2. Practice of EFT and all other techniquestowards removing all internal and externalobstacles.

3. Conscious Sacrifice in which wewillingly, intelligently and lovingly sacrificeother possibly conflicting needs in order toachieve our goals.

4. Perseverance in our efforts towardsthose goals and in removing all obstacles.

5. Patience for the results to come.

6. Detachment from the results of ourefforts and faith that the result will bewhatever is best for our evolutionary process.

May you succeed in all of your goals.


Chapter Thirteen

EFT and Self-Esteem

The goal of improved self-esteem or feelings ofself-worth is a process that requires a moremethodical and dedicated process thanovercoming most phobias.

As with other goals, this must be approached bydealing with its obstacles. A list of possibleobstacles is listed below to assist you. Use this listto aid you, but not to limit you. You may havedifferent obstacles, from those mentioned on thislist.

The first step is to determine our main obstaclestowards accepting and loving ourselves just as weare. We need to root out any feelings obstructingus from feeling that we deserve a good, healthyand happy life with wonderful relationships,economic well-being and professional satisfaction.

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self-esteem or self-acceptance?

A. Social programming - illusion

We have been falsely programmed by society tobelieve that our self-worth is dependent on manyexternal factors. Thus we tend to doubt our self-worth and loose our self-esteem in some of thefollowing situations. Seek to determine, in eachcase, which emotions are created within. We willthen employ EFT for those emotions. I wouldsuggest that you start with the most intense aspectyou are encountering at this time of your life.

1. When others criticize or reject you.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only whenothers accept and love me.)

2. When others are more able than you atcertain tasks or more endowed with certainqualities. (i.e. Intelligence, wealth, home,appearance, artistic ability, speech, sports,cooking, professional success, their children’ssuccess, being attractive to the opposite sex,making friends, disciplines, “spiritual” activities.)(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only if I ambetter than others are concerning _______).

3. When you have made a mistake.

(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Ido not make mistakes)

4. When you do not have the results you believeyou should have had after some effort.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Isucceed / when others recognize my success.)

5. When others attract more attention, esteemand respect in a group situation.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Iam more important than others to others are.)

6. When you do not have someone who lovesyou exclusively, in ways that he or she does notlove anyone else.(Belief: I am worthy only when I have someonewho loves me exclusively.)

7. When you are not perfect. (Perfect house,perfect appearance, never make mistakes.)

8. When you do not get many things done inone day.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Ido and accomplish many things.)

9. When you are not “strong” or when you show“weakness.”(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Iam strong and show no weakness.)

10. When others:a. Do not agree orAre not satisfied with you (especially parents orspouse).(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only whenothers agree with me and are satisfied with me.)

11. When others ask you for help and you do notsay “yes”. Or do not respond.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only when Isay yes and will lose their love if I say no.)

12. When others have offered more to youthan you have offered to them.(Belief: He who gives is worthier than he whoreceives is.)


13. When people do not trust you or confide inyou.(Belief: I am worthy and pure only if others trustme.)

14. When people lie to you or use you or laughat you.(Belief: I am worthy and will be loved only if I amrespected and I lose my self-worth when others donot behave properly towards me.)

15. When others are able to manipulate you orare not as conscientious as you are.(Belief: I lose my self-worth when I work morethan others or when I work for them, withoutreceiving back what I should.)

16. Because you are born female in a culturewhich gives more importance to males.

17. Because your parents did not want a child andyou felt that you were a burden to them.

Other ________________________

B. Matter of conscience

***18. When you have “created” pain forothers.(Belief: I am evil if others have experienced painas a result of my actions.)

***19. When you are not in harmony with yourconscience.(Belief: I am not a good person and not worthy oflove when I do anything which is not in harmonywith my conscience.)

*** Other ______________________

*** These require a different process

Note: Forgiving and loving ourselves does notmean that we allow ourselves to do whatever wewant regardless of whether it is unjust orunethical. We need to recognize our inherentspiritual nature, but at the same time seek to alignourselves with our highest values and ethics.This should be done steadfastly but also with asmuch love and understanding towards ourselvesas possible.

Employing EFT

Having determined our impediments towardsfeeling self-esteem in certain situations, we canthen choose the first obstacle we want to work

with. It is best to work with the one, which is mostintense and bothersome.It is very likely that, as we work on bringing downthe disturbance associated with each obstacle,other aspects will surface, especially childhoodtraumas or experiences, which have beenprogrammed in us.

Naturally we will flow with and work on theseaspects, but we must always have in mind“pending matters” and go back to them once wehave “collapsed” or removed the aspects that havecome up.

We start by focusing on the emotion or beliefpreventing us from recognizing, and experiencingour inherent self-worth as an equal aspect ofcreation. We then measure the SUD and move onto the set up.

The Set Up

******************

Note: We use two phrases when doing the setup.Feel free to adapt these phrases to suityour personal needs.

We rub on the sore spot on one side (or tap theside of the hand) repeating phrase “A” threetimes.

Then we repeat phrase “B” three times whilerubbing on the sore spot on the other side (ortapping on the side of the other hand).

Then we repeat the “C” reminder phrase whiletapping on the 12 points.

In the case of false social programming orfalse conclusions from childhood or traumaticexperiences, we can use these affirmations. A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______(perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt,unworthiness, belittlement,) when/ because_____ (reason), I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) _______ (perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthiness, belittlement,)when/ because _____ (reason), I now realizethat, as an expression of the divine, my beingitself is my self-worth and is independentof external factors.


B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotion) ______.

a. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) ______when / because _____ (reason)

Matters of Conscience

In the case of matters of conscience we willfirst want to employ the upper affirmations inorder to accept and love ourselves as souls in anevolutionary process exactly as we are, even withour mistakes and egoism.

Then, however, we will also want to discover theemotions, needs and beliefs that caused us tobehave in ways which we would prefer not to andwould not like other to do to us.

Once we discover the fears or pain causing us toact in these undesirable ways, we can employ EFTon them to remove them and, thus, become freefrom the causes of our possibly unethical orunconscious behavior.

Here we use the same process to remove thefeelings, which cause us to act in ego-centeredways.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______(perhaps fear, anger, guilt, pain, injustice, shame,self-rejection, self-doubt, unworthiness,belittlement,) when/ because _____ (reason), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) _______ (perhaps fear, anger, guilt,pain, injustice, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt,unworthiness, belittlement,) when/ because_____ (reason), I am now free to behave withlove and truth.B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) ______when / because _____ (reason)

One By One

As we remove these obstacles towards self-esteem,one by one, we begin to gradually notice that weare not as vulnerable as before. We acceptourselves more. We do not feel hurt and do notmisinterpret others so easily. We speak morehonestly, expressing our needs and feelings. We

love more easily and steadily. We are morecomfortable with ourselves and others.

I usually like to challenge people when they tellme that they do not feel the negative emotion anymore, by asking them why. I want to see howmuch this new perception has become integratedinto their belief system. There answers usuallyshow a clear change in perception. In a fewpeople, this may register later on.

It is very likely that, in some cases, we will need towork on childhood experiences.

In closing this chapter, I would like to encourageus all to work diligently on this so importantaspect of our lives. Our relationship with ourselvesis the basis of all other relationships – with others,life and God. Only by loving ourselves can wereally love others and create happiness.

I would suggest three rounds a day for this soimportant issue, moving from one obstacle tothe other as they are collapsed and others appear.

Below you will find some usefulaffirmations concerning self-worth

Positive Thought Forms - BeliefsConcerning Self-Worth

The following affirmations will be useful forreestablishing contact with our true –and always-worthy-of-love-and-respect divine nature. Youmay find some useful phrases here to incorporateinto your EFT or other affirmation work.

1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless ofothers’ opinions or behavior.

2. My self-worth is totally independent of how I orothers compare myself to others.

3. My self-worth is totally independent of anyexternal factors such as: intelligence, wealth,appearance, talents, professional success, mychildren’s success, my home, being attractive tothe opposite sex, making friends, disciplines,"spiritual" activities.

4. I am worthy of love and respect regardless ofthe results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and lovable even when others aregiven more attention than I am. I am happy forothers when they receive love and attention.


6. My self-worth is within me and totallyindependent of whether I am loved exclusively bysomeone or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I amnot perfect in what I do and even when I makemistakes.

8. My self-worth is totally independent of howmuch I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when Ifeel weak or needy.

10. My self-worth is totally independent ofwhether others agree with me or are satisfied withme.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need tosay "no" and do not respond to what I am asked todo.

12. My self-worth has nothing to do with howmuch I give or receive.

13. My self-worth is totally independent of otherpeople’s ability to trust me or open up to me.

14. My self-worth is totally independent of howpeople behave towards me.

15. My self-worth is totally independent of howmuch others work, how they work, or what theybelieve about me.

16. My self-worth is a reflection of my divinenature and not my gender, religion, social class,etc.

17. My self-worth is totally independent ofwhether others recognize it or how they feeltowards me.

18. I accept and love myself as I am with my faultsand weaknesses as I steadily evolve.

19. I deserve to be loved and respected exactly asI am at this stage of my evolutionary process.

20. I am beautiful exactly as I am - as are allaspects of nature.

21. I am a good person, a worthy person.

22. I am worthy of love and respect regardless ofhow others behave towards me.

23. I respect and love all persons (especially myparents and family) without feeling any needwhatsoever to live my life according to theirbeliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with myinner values and beliefs.

24. My self-worth is based on my inner being, myexistence itself, and my inner divine nature andnot on other external factors.

25. My self-worth is a simple function of the factthat I and all other creatures are unique aspects ofdivine creation. My self-worth cannot beincreased nor decreased. I can never be more orless worthy of love and respect than another.

26. Although I am not perfect and have variousfaults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am,just as I love and respect others with their faults.

27. When I do not love myself, I do not love anaspect of divine creation.

28. I often accept in others traits that I reject inmy self. Why?

29. I am in a process of evolution and amattending to that process.

30. I am an expression of Divine Consciousness inmatter.

Think of your own affirmations


Chapter Fourteen

EFT & Opening to Love

We can use EFT to remove our various obstaclestowards experiencing love, acceptance and unitywith loved ones and other important persons inour lives. We might be talking here about lovepartners, children, parents, siblings, friends orcoworkers.

Before explaining this process, I would like topoint out that we will very likely need to engage inthis same process towards loving and acceptingourselves if we are to succeed in loving others inthis way. This is true because our greatest obstacletowards loving ourselves is our own self-doubt,which allows others’ behaviors and expressions toactivate our fears about our self-worth. We thenlose our love towards them.

Thus, we might want to first work on using EFTfor removing most obstacles towards self-esteem.Refer to the previous chapter on that subject.

Other chapters for working on relationships withEFT are:

EFT and Self-esteemEFT and False Relationship PrototypesEFT and Communication ObstaclesEFT and Healing our Inner Child

Discovering What We Need to Work on

Our first step is to realize when and inrelationship to which behaviors or personalitycharacteristics we lose our feelings of love,acceptance and unity with others.

a. Choose the first person you would like to beable to love more steadily andunconditionally.

b. Now, make a list of his or her behaviors,which annoy you or cause you to distance yourself,become defensive or close your heart.

Possible Annoying Behaviors

Below is a brief list of some common reasons wemight lose our feelings of love and unity withsomeone. In such situations we might feel hurt,bitterness, resentment, disappointment, fear,jealousy, injustice, anger, rage, competitiveness,antagonism, etc. We might close off into ourselvesor become defensive, offensive or aggressive.)

1. When others do not agree with us.2. When they do not understand us.3. When they obstruct us from satisfying ourneeds. (A need could be psychological, such as theneed for acceptance, respect or self-esteem)4. When they do not respect us.5. When they think they are superior.6. When they try to control or suppress us.7. When they criticize us.8. When they tell lies or gossip about us.9. When they harm us or someone close to us.10. When they have evil intentions or ulteriormotives.11. When they are negative, complaining,whining, criticizing, etc.12. When they think they know everything.13. When they give us advice we have not askedfor.14. When they play the role of the victim, the"poor me," and want attention.15. When they do not take care of themselves orcarry their share of the load.16. When they make mistakes.17. When they do not keep their promises orappointments.18. When they are weak and dependent.19. When they act in an egotistical and selfishways, disregarding our or others’ needs.20. When they use us or others.21. When they are cold and insensitive.22. When they are not responsible.23. When they are lazy.24. When they ignore our needs.25. When they reject us.Other reasons_____________________


Note: Loving others does not mean that we areobliged to allow them to do whatever they wantregardless of whether it is unjust or unethical. Wecan feel unlimited love for them while we alsoassertively confront them concerning suchbehaviors. This is actually for their own good, asevolving souls. This is also important for us andour society as a whole.This should be done steadfastly but also with asmuch love and understanding as possible

Having made a list of the other’s behaviors thatcause you to close up now choose the one youwant to work on first.

Employing EFT on this Obstacle

The obstacle towards loving can be felt as anegative emotion or perceived as a limiting belief.In the second case, if possible, it is better that wefocus on the emotion created by this belief.

We start by measuring the SUD for that particularissue, perform the set up and proceed.

Reminder

As we employ EFT, the emotions, aspects or evenexperiences we are working with might change. Inthat case we may work on whatever comes up,always remembering, however, to come back toour original subject to check it out and bring itdown if necessary.

Working on the Main Emotion or Belief

I. Emotions we have when the otherbehaves in a certain way.

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion) _______when / because _____ (name of person)_____________ (behavior which bothers us)_______, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)_______ when / because _____ (name ofperson) _________ (behavior which bothers us)______, I now understand his /her inner doubtsand fears (problems, conditioning) which causehim/her to behave in this way.

A.3. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)_______ when / because _____ (name ofperson) _________ (behavior which bothers us)___________, I am now able to confronthim/her assertively and lovingly.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ____when/because _____(name of person and act)

These emotions will likely change and we willneed to work with each emotion as it surfaces.Note that we usually feel anger and hate becausewe first feel fear, hurt, pain, guilt, shame, self-rejection or injustice. So we will likely need toaddress these in order to get free from our anger.

Working on Other Aspects

While working on opening up to love we mightneed to work various aspects such as:

II. Emotions we have about the fact that wehave these negative emotions towards theother and are not as loving as we would like to be.

A.1. Even though I feel ______ (guilt, shame,self-rejection, self-doubt) because I have not yetbeen able to love ________ even when / though(behavior)_____, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt ___ (guilt,shame, self-rejection, self-doubt) because I havenot yet been able to love __________ even when/ though (behavior)_______, I now understandmyself, my feelings and reactions.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ______because I do not love _____ unconditionally

In other words, we want to love ourselves eventhough we are not as loving as we would like to be.My experience is that accepting ourselves “as weare” is a prerequisite for moving forward andimproving ourselves.

III. Resistance towards Opening to Love

Consider the following possible obstaclestowards remaining open and loving:

1. We feel vulnerable and are afraid of beinghurt if we are open and loving and prefer to keepan emotional distance.


2. We do not want to give the other the idea thathe or she can do whatever he or she likes with us.

3. We would like them first to ask for forgivenessor at least realize their mistakes.

4. We fear we will lose control over them byletting them be too relaxed with us.

5. We want to place the blame for ourdissatisfaction with ourselves or our lives onsomeone else who is “responsible”.

6. We falsely believe that love requires that wemust let this person do whatever he or she wants– regardless of ethics or justice – and that thiswould be totally unacceptable.

7. We have identified with the role of the victimand need to feel hurt and abused.

8. We are in the role of the interrogator and needto find others’ faults.

9. We are afraid of intimacy because we fear:Being abandonedBeing suppressedBeing hurt

10. We are afraid of expressing love, because wefear that there will not be an adequate responsefrom others and we will feel rejected.

11. We cannot believe that others could possiblylove us.

12. We have been seriously hurt by this personand cannot overcome this bitterness.

Other ___________________________

If we cannot find the specific resistance towardsopening our heart, we might benefit by lookinginto our childhood years for similar experiences orbehaviors, which hurt us then.

If, at that point, we do not find what ourresistance is, we can then work generally with“this resistance” or “this apparent resistance”.

Some variation of the following phrases will beappropriate.

A.1 Even though I feel (emotion of resistance)____ about the idea of loving (name of person)______ when / because (his or her behavior)______ I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2 Even though until now I have felt (emotion ofresistance) ____________ about the idea ofloving (name of person) ______ when / because(his or her behavior) ______, I now realize that itis in my benefit to let go of this.

A.3 Even though until now I have felt (emotion ofresistance) ______ about the idea of loving(name of person) ______ when / because (his orher behavior) ______, I now understand his/herfears and resulting behaviors.

A.4 Even though until now I have felt (emotion ofresistance) ______ about the idea of loving(name of person) ______ when / because (his orher behavior) ______, I now understand that Ican love and still create my boundaries.

A.5 Even though until now I have felt (emotion ofresistance) ____________ about the idea ofloving (name of person) ______ when / because(his or her behavior) ______, I now realize thatloving the other means doing so even when he/sheis wrong.

A.6 Even though until now I have felt (emotion ofresistance) ____ about the idea of loving (nameof person) ___ when / because (his or herbehavior) ____, I now want to go beyond this andon with my life –without these feelings.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion of resistance)towards loving (person) _______even when /though (behavior).

IV. Emotions which we had in the pastwhen we first experienced the event withthe same person or others.

A.1. Even though I felt /feel (emotion) _____because of what (name of person) _____ did, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)____________ because of what (name ofperson) _____ did, I now prefer to live in thepresent and be free from this.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ___ about___ (other person’s name and what he/she did)


V. Physical problems associated withemotions involved.

A . 1 . Even though I have this (physicalphenomenon) ___ in my _____ (part of body)____, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had this(physical phenomenon) __ in my (part of body)_____, I am now becoming totally free from it.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(physical phenomenon) ______ in my (part ofbody)_____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (Physical phenomenon)_______ in my _____ (part of body)

VI. Childhood experiences similar to thisevent which make us more susceptible

A . 1 . Even though I feel (emotion)____________ concerning what (name ofperson) _____ did ________(in childhood), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)______ concerning what (name of person)_____ did ________(in childhood), I nowrealize that he/she was a victim of his/herchildhood experiences (programming).

A.3. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)_______ concerning what (name of person)_____ did ________(in childhood), I nowrealize that he/she was exactly what I needed formy evolutionary process.


C. Reminder Phrase = (the emotion) about (otherperson’s name and what he/she did)

In working on opening up to love, considerreading the following chapters:EFT and Self-esteem, EFT and False RelationshipPrototypes,EFT and Communication Obstacles and EFT andHealing the Inner Child

Summary

A. We work on the Main Emotion or Beliefwhich is obstructing our love for others

If necessary we work on other aspects such as:

B. Emotions we have about the fact that wehave these negative emotionstowards the other and are not as loving aswe would like to be.

C. Resistance towards Opening to Love

Consider the following possible obstaclestowards remaining open and loving:

1. We feel vulnerable and are afraid of being hurt ifwe are open and loving and prefer to keep an emotionaldistance.2. We do not want to give the other the idea that he orshe can do whatever he or she likes with us.3. We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or atleast realize their mistakes.4. We fear we will lose control over them by lettingthem be too relaxed with us.5. We want to place the blame for ourdissatisfaction with ourselves or our lives onsomeone else who is “responsible”.6. We falsely believe that love requires that we must letthis person do whatever he or she wants – regardless ofethics or justice – and that this would be totallyunacceptable.7. We have identified with the role of the victim andneed to feel hurt and abused.8. We are in the role of the interrogator and need tofind others’ faults.9. We are afraid of intimacy because we fear:Being abandonedBeing suppressedBeing hurt10. We are afraid of expressing love, because we fearthat there will not be an adequate response from othersand we will feel rejected.11. We cannot believe that others could possibly love us.12. We have been seriously hurt by this person andcannot overcome this bitterness.

D. Emotions which we had in the pastwhen we first experienced the event withthe same person or others.

E. Physical problems associated withemotions involved.

F. Childhood experiences similar to thisevent which make us more susceptible


Chapter Fifteen

Using EFT to Aid the Process of Forgiveness

We have found EFT to be a wonderful aid towardsforgiveness. As with all goals we simply need torealize the obstacles towards letting go ourresentment and then forgiveness is natural.Forgiveness, love and peace are our natural innerqualities. They are obstructed only when ourbeliefs and fears cause us to engage in variousemotional defense mechanisms.Thus, by methodically removing with EFT eachsuch belief and negative emotion, forgiveness andlove become our natural state.

Here is a process we use in our self-knowledgeseminars.

List of persons to forgive:

We make a list of people and what they have donewhom we feel we need or want to forgive.

Name of Person What they did

1. _______________________________2. _______________________________3. _______________________________4. _______________________________5. _______________________________6. _______________________________7. _______________________________

List of reasons we mightnot want to forgive:

For each of these make a list of reasons why youhesitate or feel resistance towards forgiving.

Consider the following possible obstacles toforgiving others:1. We still feel vulnerable and are afraid ofbeing hurt again if we forgive and prefer to keepan emotional distance, 2. We believe that forgiving means admittingthat the other is or was right and do not wantthem to think so.3. By not forgiving we are able to perhapscontrol them and make them seek forgivenessfrom us. If we forgive, we would lose this power.

4 . We want to place the blame for ourdissatisfaction with our selves or our lives onsomeone else who is responsible. Forgiving wouldmean that we would either have to be happy or beresponsible for the fact that we are not.5. We falsely believe that forgiveness or loverequire that must let this person do whatever heor she wants – regardless of ethics or justice – andthat this would be totally unacceptable.

Note: Forgiving and loving does not mean thatwe are obliged to allow others to do whatever theywant, even if it is unjust or unethical. We can feelunlimited love for them while we also assertivelyconfront them concerning such behaviors. This isactually for their own good, as evolving souls. Thisis also important for us and our society as a whole.This should be done steadfastly but also with asmuch love and understanding as possible.

List of reasons we want to forgive:

Consider some of the following reasons forwanting to forgive:

1. I will then be free from these negative emotionswhich are stressing my body and mind.2 . I will become more mature, takingresponsibility for my reality.3. I will free myself from the belief that otherscreate my reality..4. I will be free from the fears and illusions whichobstruct my ability to forgive.5. I will experience love again. 6. Since I would like others to forgive me for mymistakes, I would also like to forgive them fortheirs.8. Since I too have made mistakes and havebehaved egotistically and defensively at times,then it is natural that I forgive the others for thesame.9. Only in this way, can I move forward to createconscious love relationships.

You may want to also refer to the list of truthswhich can aid our forgiving others at the end ofthis article.


Now, pick a personand an issue to work with

Name of Person ___________________

What he/she did to us_______________

A. Write the reasons why you do not want toforgive

B. Write the reasons why you want to forgive

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reminder

As we employ EFT, our emotions, aspects or evenexperiences with which we are working mightchange. In that case we may work on whatevercomes up, always remembering, however, to comeback to our original subject to check it out andbring it down if necessary.

E. Working with Aspects

While working on forgiveness we might need towork various aspects such as:

I. Emotions that we might have because wehave not yet been able to forgive whathappened

A.1. Even though I feel some guilt (shame, self-rejection, self-doubt) because I have not yet beenable to forgive (name) _____________ for___________, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt some guilt(shame, self-rejection, self-doubt) because I havenot yet been able to forgive (name)_____________ for ___________, I nowfreely forgive myself and (name) _____.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this (emotion) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) because Ihave not forgiven.

II. Resistance towards forgiving

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion or resistance)____________ about the idea of forgiving(person) ______ for (act) ______ I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt (emotion orresistance) ____________ about the idea offorgiving (person) ______ for (act) ______, Inow feel secure enough to forgive and forget.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) aboutforgiving

III. Emotions we have about what the otherdid

A . 1 . Even though I feel (emotion)____________ concerning what (name ofperson) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt (emotion)____________ ____________ concerningwhat (name of person) _____ did, I nowunderstand his/her fears and weaknesses(ignorance).


C. Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (otherperson’s name and what he/she did)

IV. Emotions which we had in the pastwhen we first experienced the event.

A . 1 . Even though I felt /feel (emotion)____________ because of what(name ofperson) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt (emotion)____________ ____________ because ofwhat (name of person) _____ did, I nowunderstand that he /she was a victim of his ownfears and programming.


C. Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (otherperson’s name and what he/she did)


V. Physical problems associated withemotions involved.

A . 1 . Even though I have this (physicalphenomenon) ____________ in my (part ofbody) ___________, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have this (physicalphenomenon) ____________ in my (part ofbody) ___________, I am now totally free ofthat.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this (physical phenomenon)______ in my (part of body)_____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (physical phenomenon) inmy (part of body)

VI. Childhood experiences similar to thisevent which make us more susceptible

A . 1 . Even though I feel (emotion)____________ concerning what(name ofperson) _____ did ________(in Childhood), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.1. Even though until now I feel (emotion)____________ concerning what(name ofperson) _____ did ________(in Childhood), Inow perceive him/her as victims of his/her ownchildhood experiences.


Reminder Phrase = (the Emotion) about (otherperson’s name and what he/she did)

A List of Truths Whichwill Help Us Forgive

Following are some truths that will help us forgiveothers. Some are based on various spiritual beliefsor Christian concepts which might not beacceptable to you or applicable to the issue.

1. All happens according to a divine justice andwisdom that brings me exactly what I need atevery stage of my evolutionary process in order tolearn the next lesson.2. Others are simply actors in my life drama, thescript of which I write daily.

3. Others are the hands of the divine showing methe direction in which I must go.

4. All are souls in evolution, who act negativelyout of ignorance and fear.

5. Forgiving does not mean saying that what theother did was right, it simply means that I forgivehis ignorance and weakness as a fellow soul in theevolutionary process.

6. Forgiving does not make me vulnerable. Stillneeding something (security, affirmation, love )from the other makes us vulnerable. Forgivingand loving without needing any thing from theother is my real protection.

7. I am the sole creator of my reality. I abuseothers when I hold them responsible for what Icreate.

8. I have the power to create my life and need nothide behind excuses that I cannot because ofsomething which others have done or are doing.

9. As souls in the process of evolution we all makemany mistakes. This is natural. What is unnaturalis not forgiving ourselves and others for thesemistakes.

10. The other is a divine creation. Although hemay not realize it, the divine is functioningthrough him. Not forgiving him/her, is to notforgive the divine.

11. We create as much pain in the world when wefeel hurt as when we hurt.

And the words of Christ

12. "Let he who has not sinned, throw the firststone."

13. "Judge not, that you be not Judged."

14. "You will be judged with the strictness withwhich you have judged."

15. Peter asked Christ, "How many times shouldwe forgive someone for what he has done, seventimes?" Christ answered, " No Peter, Seven timesseventy times."


Process of Forgiveness

1. List the persons you would like to forgive

2. Now, pick a person and issue to work with.

3. List the reasons you might not want to forgive.

4. List the reasons you want to forgive.

5. Work with all aspects

While working on forgiveness we might need to work various aspects such as:

a. Emotions which we might have because we have not yet been able to forgive whathappened

b. Resistance towards forgiving.

c. Emotions we have about what the other did.

d. Emotions which we had in the past when we first experienced the event.

e. Physical problems associated with emotions involved.

f. Childhood experiences similar to this event which make us more susceptible


Chapter Sixteen

EFT & Romantic Rejection

One of our most devastating emotionalexperiences is the loss of a loved one. Dr. RogerCallahan has called this “love pain” and hasdedicated a whole book and video to the subject.

In this book I am addressing the loss of a lovedone by death and “romantic rejection” as twoseparate situations. We will deal with the loss of aloved one by death in another chapter. Here wewill deal with situations in which our loved oneleaves us for some reason.

We will need to employ EFT on each emotion thatcomes up and, as always, on the various aspects,especially childhood experiences.

This is true because the power which we give toour love partner to determine to such a largedegree our security, happiness and self-worth, islargely the result of our childhood experiences andespecially unfinished business with our parents.

So, in order to overcome our pain in suchsituations, we might need to also work with thechapter on childhood experiences.

Employing EFT on Romantic Rejection

Here is a list of some of the emotions we mightfeel when someone leaves us. Below each emotionwe present some possible set up phrases. This list,as always, is there to guide you and never to limityou. There are many other possibilities.

1. Rejection (demeaned, worthless) becausehe/she does not want to be with me.

A.1. Even though I feel rejected (demeaned,worthless) because (name of person)____ leftme, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt rejected(demeaned, worthless) because (name ofperson)____ left me, I now feel (realize,experience) my self-worth as a unique beingwithout him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of rejection (being demeaned,worthlessness).

C. Reminder Phrase = Rejected (demeaned,worthlessness) because _____ left.

2. Fear of continuing life without this person.

A.1. Even though I fear continuing life without(name of person)____, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared continuinglife alone without (name of person)____, I nowfeel (realize, experience) self-confidence andpowerfully capable of dealing with life.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of dealing with life.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of dealing with life(without ______).

3. Fear (shame) of what others will thinkabout me now that he/she has left.

A.1. Even though I fear what others will thinkbecause (name of person)____ left me, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.1. Even though until now I feared what otherswould think because (name of person)____ leftme, I now feel (realize, experience) my self-worthas a unique being, regardless of what they think.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of what they think.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of what they think.


4. Fear that I will not find anyone else toshare my life with.

A.1. Even though I fear I will not find anyone elseto share my life with, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now, I feared I would notfind anyone else to share my life with, I now amconfident that I deserve and will attract theperfect being for me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of not finding someone else.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of not findingsomeone else.

5. Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) ofnot having this person to hold, share, make loveto, communicate with, etc.

A.1. Even though I feel hurt (pain, unhappiness,loneliness) because I do not have (name ofperson)____ to hold (share, make love to,communicate with etc. – be specific), I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt hurt (pain,unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have(name of person)____ to hold (share, make loveto communicate with etc. – be specific), I nowexperience the fullness of my being and of my lifeand lovingly connect with those around me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear or hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness)because I do not have (name of person)____ tohold (share, make love to communicate with etc. –be specific),

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (pain, unhappiness,loneliness) because I do not have (name ofperson)____ to hold (share, make love tocommunicate with etc. – be specific),

6. Injustice (bitterness, resentment,betrayal) that he/she is unjustly harming,betraying, hurting me in this way.

A.1. Even though I feel injustice (bitterness,resentment, betrayal) because (name ofperson)____ has behaved unjustly, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt injustice(bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (nameof person)____ has behaved unjustly, I now havefaith that life gives me exactly what I need for mygrowth process.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal)because (name of person)____ has behavedunjustly.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness,resentment, betrayal) because (name ofperson)____ has behaved unjustly.

7. Guilt (self-rejection) because I feel that I amto blame for his/her leaving.

A.1. Even though I feel guilty (self-rejection)because (name of person)____ left me, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt guilty (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me,I now forgive and love myself, realizing that I havedone and will do my best.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from guilt(self-rejection) because (name of person)____left me.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt (self-rejection)because (name of person)____ left me.

8. Jealousy if (because) he/she is with someoneelse

A.1. Even though I feel jealous because (name ofperson)____ is with someone else, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt jealous because(name of person)____ is with someone else, Inow feel the fullness of my being trust that lifegives me exactly what I need for my growthprocess (self-actualization).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling jealousy because (name of person)____ iswith someone else.


C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness,resentment, betrayal) because (name ofperson)____ left me.

9. Anger (hate, revenge) because he/she hascaused me so much pain.

A.1. Even though I feel angry (hate, revenge)because (name of person)____ left me (is withsomeone else), I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt angry (hate,revenge) because (name of person)____ left me(is with someone else), I now realize that I amperfectly capable of being happy and fulfilledwithout him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling anger (hate, revenge) because (name ofperson)____ left me (is with someone else).

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger (hate, revenge)because (name of person)____ left me (is withsomeone else).

1 0 . D e p r e s s i o n ( d i s i l l u s i o n m e n t ,discouragement) that I cannot have what I wantand cannot do anything about it.

A.1. Even though I feel depressed (disillusioned,discouraged) because I cannot be with (name ofperson)____, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt depressed(disillusioned, discouraged) because I could notbe with (name of person)____, I now realize (feel,experience) that I have the power to create the lifeI want.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling depressed (disillusioned, discouraged)because I cannot be with (name of person)____.

C. Reminder Phrase = Depressed (disillusioned,discouraged) because I cannot be with (name ofperson)____It should not take long to work through all of theabove. The pain which often takes months, and forsome people, years, can be removed in a week orless. We help no one by feeling all these emotions.

It is better to get on with our lives.

Case History of a man who used EFTfor the pain of being left by his companion

of three years.

We started with

1. The pain of her leaving.

This brought us to a number of aspects insequence:

Pain of feeling rejected.

Pain of feeling rejected in the past – especiallyone incident in adolescence where he felt rejectedby a girl then.

Fear of being alone in life.

Pain of being alone in life.

Fear that he will never find anyone to becompatible with.

His difficulty in feeling unity with people.

His difficulty in expressing his love andenthusiasm with people.

Loneliness even when with people.

Loneliness – separation from God

Being rejected and abandoned by God.

A deep loneliness in the vastness of theuniverse.

After moving through all these aspects in twosessions in two consecutive days (starting one dayafter being told by her that she was leaving) hewent through about three hours of heaviness inthe chest and throat area and then slept and wokeup totally free. He felt so free that he is now ableto lovingly help his previous girlfriend create hernew life based on her unfulfilled needs.

He had no more pain, rejection fear or loneliness.This required two sessions of about 25 minuteseach starting on the second day of being told shewas leaving.

Below are some thoughts about what we can gainfrom such a situation.


Learning From ARelationship Breakdown

A divorce, separation or, in general, any loss of animportant relationship is a painful experience.Such pain can seriously diminish our peace andhappiness. We can, however, use this innerdiscomfort for our spiritual benefit. If we arethinking of separating, there are many lessons weneed to examine before we can come to theconclusion that we must separate from someone.But if the other leaves us or this separation hasalready happened, we might be able to benefitfrom the following.

1. Our first lesson is to examine ourbehavior to see how we might have contributedto the problem. Only in this way can we create anew healthy relationship if we chose to.In relation to this we might want to examine thefollowing:a. We may have been criticizing, complaining,rejecting or otherwise causing the other to feelunaccepted.b. We may have been seeking continualaffirmation in ways that may have been tiringfor the other.c. Our fears may have been causing us to be oversensitive and annoying.d. Perhaps we were playing power games ofwho is right or who is more successful.e. We might have been playing roles such asthe child, the parent, the savior, the holy one, therebel, the teacher or some other role which mayhave affected the other’s behavior.f. We may have feelings of guilt that weremaking us vulnerable to the other’s words orbehaviors.g. Perhaps we were not communicating ourneeds clearly and effectively as an adult and weresuppressing ourselves or complaining, criticizingor threatening.h. We might have been projecting onto theother our childhood or other experiences.i. The other might have been reflecting back to usour lack of self-esteem or self-respect.j. We may have had attachments that werecoming between us.k. We may have had inner conflicts, whichwere reflecting back to us from the other.

2. We may need to learn to love the other inspite of his or her behavior, regardless of whetherwe stay with that person or not.

3. We can discover that we can live withoutthis person and that happiness, security andlove are internal states that are always within us, ifonly we allow ourselves to experience them.

4. We can use this opportunity to developgreater inner strength in order to feelconfident and be able to face whatever may cometo us in the game of life.

5. Most of us will need to change our self-image. We need to accept, love and respectourselves more, so that we do not create the sameproblem in our next relationship or in life ingeneral.

6. By directing our energies in a spiritualdirection and developing a relationship withGod - the Universal Being, we are no longer asvulnerable or as dependent on others for ourfeelings of security and self-worth.

7. We may also need to learn that the other’sdecision to leave may not be a rejection atall. He or she may love and respect us dearly butbe forced by other needs to seek happinesselsewhere.

Our lessons might be separated intofive categories:

1. We might need to learn to communicatemore effectively, assertively and lovingly.

2 . Perhaps we need to let go of someattachments, which are increasing our conflictswith others and diminishing our happiness.

3. Examine our behaviors that might beannoying others.

4. Free ourselves from subconsciousprogrammings that limit our self-esteem andability to attract the behaviors that we deserve.

5. Develop inner feelings of security, self-worth and freedom.

Once our happiness, security and love havebecome internalized, we can experienceunconditional love.Although we need to make every possible step toheal our relationships, if and when a relationshipbreaks down, there is still much we can learn.


Summary for Employing EFT on Romantic Rejection

Here is a list of some of the emotions we might feel when someone leaves us.

1. Rejection (demeaned, worthless) because he/she does not want to be withme.

2. Fear of continuing life without this person.

3. Fear (shame) of what others will think about me now that he/she has left.

4. Fear that I will not find anyone else to share my life with.

5. Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) of not having this person to hold,share, make love to, communicate with, etc.

6. Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) that he/she is unjustlyharming, betraying, hurting me in this way.

7. Guilt (self-rejection) because I feel that I am to blame for his/her leaving.

8. Jealousy if (because) he/she is with someone else

9. Anger (hate, revenge) because he/she has caused me so much pain.

10. Depression (disillusionment, discouragement) that I cannot have what I wantand cannot do anything about it


Chapter Seventeen

EFT and Coping with theDeparture of Loved Ones

Without a doubt, the most painful experience inlife is the loss of a loved one. The most devastatingfor most people is the loss of a child or a spouse.Over the years, I have had the fortune to conductseminars on death and immortality, and alsosupport groups for those who have recently lostloved ones.I am very grateful to all those who have attendedand taught me by sharing their emotions,experiences and insights through the variousstages of coping with this extremely painful andoften totally overwhelming event.

Emotions Frequently Experienced

Before discussing these emotions, I would like toclearly state that I respect the depth and strengthwith which they can flood our being. Thus, when Ipoint out other ways of looking at what ishappening, it is not because I do not recognize thepower or validity of these emotions.

The fact is, however, we cannot change what hashappened and need to get on with our lives. Also,our evolutionary process demands that we beginto perceive ourselves, life and death in ways morealigned with the truth of our immortal nature. Weneed to transcend the limits created by ourexclusive identification with our bodies andminds.

We need to recognize, accept, admit and expressall the emotions mentioned below. We woulddo well to seek help in doing so. Then, we need tomove on to the next step, which is to employ EFTon all of them, until we can find our happiness,gratitude and love for life again.

Some may feel that they will be betraying theirloved ones if they do not feel pain and may prefernot to be free. This is obviously a personal choicethat each must make. My personal perception isthat we do not help our loved ones with theseemotions and that they would prefer that we bewell and continue our lives as happily andcreatively as we can.

(For more details about each of the emotions andalternative ways of perceiving, please refer to thePsychology of Happiness and/or the MysticalCircle of Life, which is about what happens afterdeath.)

Employing EFT on emotions we haveconcerning the loss of our loved one.

Have in mind that as you work you may need todivert to various aspects that may appear. If wehave lost other loved ones especially in childhoodand have not worked through those feelings, theymight come up to be worked on.If you feel pain and the need to cry, allow the tearsto flow and then continue with the EFT, until youbring your SUD to zero.

Do not be limited by the alternative set up phrasegiven in part A of the set up. Finish with anyphrase you find suitable.

It is okay to be happy.

1. The pain of losing a loved one is similar tolosing a part of our body. It hurts. We feel a part ofour own selves is missing. It is simplyinconceivable to us that our loved one simply doesnot exist anymore - as a body. We expect at anymoment to hear or see him or her again.

A.1. Even though I hurt (feel sorrow, pain)without (name of person)____, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt hurt (sorrow,pain) without (name of person)____, I nowexperience the fullness of my being and mypurpose in life.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thishurt ( sorrow, pain) without (name ofperson)____ .

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (sorrow, pain)without (name of person)____.


2. We can fear that we will not be able tocontinue living without the person whom we’velost. This applies especially to widows who havebeen programmed to believe they are weak andneed a husband in order to be safe, secure orsocially accepted. It also applies to all situations inwhich we feel that we need that other personemotionally, physically, socially, mentally,economically or in any other way.

A.1. Even though I fear that I will not be able tocontinue without (name of person)____, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.(Here it will be more effective to be more specificabout what we feel we will not be able to continueto do, such as going out socially, dealing witheconomic situations, bringing up the children, orsimply - emotionally.)

A.2. Even though until now I have feared that Iwould not be able to continue without (name ofperson) ____, I now feel confident and fullycapable of dealing with whatever life brings me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear that I will not be able to continue without(name of person)____ .

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear that I will not be ableto continue without (name of person)____.

3. We might feel injustice and bitterness that"Life" or God took our loved one. This is moreintense when the departed one was young, a childor a spouse in the prime of life.

A.1. Even though I feel injustice (bitterness) that(name of person) ____ has left his/her body(died), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt injustice(bitterness) that (name of person) ____ has lefthis/her body (died), I now accept that there is(might be) a higher justice and wisdom as to whythis has happened.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of injustice (bitterness) that (name ofperson) ____ has left his/her body (died).

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness) that(name of person) ____ has left his/her body(died)

4. We might experience d e p r e s s i o n anddisillusionment that life has no meaningwithout our loved one. This, again, is especiallytrue when we have lost a child or spouse who wasthe "purpose of our lives", who was our mainoccupation.

A . 1 . Even though I feel depressed(disillusionment) and feel that life has no meaning(happiness) without (name of person) ____, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt depressed andbelieved that life had no meaning (happiness)without (name of person) ____, I nowexperience the fullness of my being and amconnecting with my life purpose.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling depressed and the belief that life has nomeaning (happiness) without (name of person)____.

C. Reminder Phrase = Feeling depressed andbelieving that life has no meaning (happiness)without (name of person) ____.

5. We might feel guilty that we did notsufficiently express our love to that person. Wemight think, "I did not show him enough love. Iscolded him too much. I complained too much. Iwas negative and unpleasant. I never told himhow much I loved, respected and appreciated him.I was unpleasant and nagging."

A.1. Even though I feel guilty that I did notadequately express my love to (name of person)____, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt guilty that I didnot adequately express my love to (name ofperson) ____, I now mentally communicate mylove to him/her now and experience his/herforgiveness and our mutual love.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling guilty that I did not adequately express mylove to (name of person) ____.

C. Reminder Phrase = Feeling guilty that I did notadequately express my love to (name of person)____.


6. We might feel guilty believing that we couldhave done more to keep him or her alive. Wemight think, "I should have taken him to anotherdoctor, to another hospital. If only we had donethis other operation. If only I had been there whenhe died, I could have prevented it. It is all myfault. I am to blame for his/her death."

A.1. Even though I feel guilty that maybe I did notdo enough to keep (name of person) ____ alive, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt guilty thatmaybe I did not do enough to keep (name ofperson) ____ alive, I now realize I did whatever Icould with the information that I had (that one’slife and death are controlled from a higher level).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling guilty that maybe I did not do enough tokeep (name of person) ____ alive.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt that maybe I did notdo enough to keep (name of person) ____ alive.

7. Some of us might experience sorrow,disappointment, disillusionment andbitterness that we do not have the emotionalsupport we expected from friends and relatives.

A.1. Even though I feel sorrow (disappointment,disillusionment, bitterness) because I am notgetting the support I expected from others, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt sorrow(disappointment, disillusionment, bitterness)because I am not getting the support I expectedfrom others, I now understand that they are givingwhatever they can.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling sorrow (disappointment, disillusionment,bitterness) because I am not getting the support Iexpected from others.

C. Reminder Phrase = Feeling sorrow(disappointment, disillusionment, bitterness)because I am not getting the support I expectedfrom others.

8. We may feel loneliness. We may think, "It isdifficult to connect with other people. They are

not open, not friendly. I have no one to talk to, toshare with, to be myself with."

A.1. Even though I feel lonely without ______, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt lonely without______, I am now opening up to my relationshipwith myself, others and God.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling lonely without ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Lonely without ______.

9. We could likely feel jealous that others stillhave their loved ones and we do not.

A.1. Even though I feel jealous of those who stillhave their loved ones, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt jealous of thosewho still have their loved ones, I am now happyfor them and wish them well.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling jealous of those who still have their lovedones.

C. Reminder Phrase = Jealous of those who stillhave their loved ones.

10. It would be natural to feel anger towardthose who were in some way connected with or"responsible for" our loved one’s death. Perhaps adoctor made a mistake, or someone was drivingrecklessly, and now our loved one is dead.

A.1. Even though I feel angry towards those whoare “responsible” for (name)’s death, I deeply andprofoundly love myself. A.2. Even though until now I felt angry towardsthose who are “responsible” for (name)’s death, Inow trust that powers higher than they control lifeand death.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling anger towards those who are “responsible”for (name)’s death.

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger towards those whoare “responsible” for (name)’s death.


11. We might also feel anger toward orrejection from our loved one who "chose" toleave the earth plane at this time, leaving us herealone. We may interpret this as a form ofrejection, abandonment and lack of love.

A.1. Even though I feel angry towards (name)_____ for leaving me here, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt angry towards(name) _____ for leaving me here, I now trustthat powers higher than he/she control life anddeath.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling anger towards (name) _____ for leavingme here.

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger towards (name)_____ for leaving me here.

12. We may also feel guilty (shameful) if wedo not feel pain. We might feel that we mustfeel unhappy and that we should never express joyin front of others for some time at least.

A.1. Even though I feel guilty (shameful) that I amnot as unhappy as I think I “should” be, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt guilty(shameful) that I am not as unhappy as I thought I“should” be, I now realize that such feelings helpno one.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling guilty - shameful that I am not as unhappyas I think I “should” be.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt - shame that I amnot as unhappy as I think I “should” be.

There may be many other emotions that are notlisted here.

Negative Thought Forms About the Deathof a Loved One

The following beliefs can add to our emotionaldisturbance and some can also act in a way tocreate forms of psychological reversal. If you findthat any of these beliefs are working within you,

you might want to employ EFT on them, or evenbetter, on the emotions that they create.

1. I cannot live without him / her.

2. I am not secure without him / her.

3. No one else but he or she can give me joy orsecurity.

4. My life has no meaning without him / her.

5. I want to die; I want to be with him / her.

6. Death is a bad, painful experience.

7. I don’t have the right to be happy since myloved one has died.

8. I will betray my loved one if I allow myself to behappy.

9. I will betray my loved one if I love someone elseas much as I loved him / her.

10. I will betray my loved one if I find a differentpurpose and meaning in my life.

11. I have been treated unjustly.

12. I am unlucky.

13. I am the most miserable person I know.

14. The other’s death is a punishment for him orme.

15. I am a sinner; otherwise God would not havepunished me in this manner.

16. God does not love me since He allowed myloved one to die.

17. There is no God; otherwise He would not haveallowed my loved one to die.

18. It is my fault he/she died. I could have donesomething more.

19. I did not have the chance to correct myrelationship with him or her. I feel guilty. I wasnot entirely correct.

20. He / she deserted me. He / she left me alone.


Positive Thought Forms

There are some beliefs or thought forms, whichcan be very supportive in our effort to cope withthe death of a loved one. If you find any of thesehelpful, write them down with large letters andplace them where you can see them often. Feelfree to alter them to apply more appropriately toyour own specific needs.

They may also be used as positive affirmations inyour EFT sequences.

1. I am an eternal soul and have the power to livean abundant and meaningful life. All is within me.

2. My loved one is an eternal, immortal soul whocontinues to live in another dimension morebeautiful than the one in which I currently exist.

3. Since my loved one is very well and far closer tohis or her true nature and to God, I can be glad forhim / her and can give joy to myself and to thosearound me.

4. God is within and around me, so I always feelsecure, protected and tranquil.

5. Everything happens according to a perfect andjust Divine Plan that gives each of us what he orshe needs for his or her evolution as a soul. Forsome reason, it was best for my loved one to moveon to another level of existence. As for my ownevolution toward God, it is best that I continue onhere, even without him or her.

6. Everyone on this earth has lost loved ones (notonly me). We will all eventually lose all the peoplewe know because we are only temporarily on thisearth and our departure is perfectly natural.

7. The departure of the soul from the restrictionsof the temporary physical body is a beautifulliberation from a very limited incarnated state.

8. The loss of my loved one is a great opportunityfor spiritual development through the cultivationof inner power, tranquility, security and self-acceptance.

9. I accept the perfection of Divine Wisdom, and Iforgive God and everyone for what is happening tome. I release all from any responsibility for myreality.

10. My loved one would want me to be happy andto continue my life creatively and beautifully.

11. I am acceptable, lovable and interestingbecause of who I am and not because of myrelationship with someone.

12. The loss of a loved one is not a punishment,but is instead a great opportunity for spiritualdevelopment and inner growth.

13. I am a pure child of God and He loves meunconditionally.

14. No one can be responsible for someone else’sdeath. Each soul has selected the hour and theplace when he or she will leave. Others are simplythe instruments we use for our departure.

15. I can, even now, correct my relationship withmy loved one with inner concentration andprayer.

16. We are all evolving souls, all children of God. Iopen myself to my brothers in the family ofhumanity who are now with me on this planet. Myloved one would want me to do so.

17. I share my sorrow and joy with others. We areone big family of humanity.

18. I find meaning in life by serving, creating andevolving. This is why I have incarnated.

19. Life is a gift of God, and it is my duty to use itfor my benefit and that of others.

20. Today, 40,000 parents have lost theirchildren. Tomorrow, another 40,000 parents willlose their children. I am not alone in pain. Thesoul’s departure from the physical body is anatural part of life on earth.

21. There is only one universal life force, whichexpresses itself through all beings. The sameconsciousness that expressed itself through myloved one is now expressing itself througheveryone around me. Loving and offering toothers, I love and offer to him / her.

Other Steps we Can Take

1. We can study the spiritual truths related tothe following topics:

a. What is a human being?

b. What is the relationship between the soul andthe body?


c. Why does a soul take on a body?

d. What happens when the soul leaves the body?

e. What is the relationship between man, natureand God?

2. We can express our feelings openly tothose who can respect and understand them, evenif that means finding a "professional listener" (Apriest, minister, psychologist, spiritual teacher ora good friend).

3. We can pray for our loved ones’d e v e l o p m e n t and growth as souls in thedimensions where they are now residing. We canlight a candle for them as frequently as we feel theneed, sending them energy and love. We do notnecessarily need to go to the grave. Our loved onesare not there. During the first days, they are mostlikely wherever we are. They are not attracted tothe discarded body, but rather, to those they love.We can ask others to pray for them also. This isimportant for the first forty days and then less sofor another year.

4. We can gradually free ourselves from excessiveconcentration on those who have left this planeand pay more attention to those who arehere with us. It might be best eventually to

remove belongings that remind us of him or her.We can give them to charity or to those who needthem or would appreciate them. Their presencearound the home will obstruct our gradualdetachment and the ability to move forward withour lives (which is what our loved ones wouldwant).

5. We can occupy ourselves with meaningfulactivities four of which are: a. Service b .Creativity c. Evolution - Self-knowledge d .Conscious Love Relationships

6. We need to be patient with ourselves andthose around us.

7. We can cultivate faith in God and inourselves.

8. We can join a group of people dedicated tothe process of growth where we can mutuallysupport each other in this process.

Books by the same author which deal with thissubject are:

a) The Psychology of Happinessb) The Mystical Circle of Lifec) Universal Philosophyd) Miracles of Love and Wisdom


Chapter Eighteen

EFT and Codependency

Confusion about Responsibility in Relationships

Many negative emotions are the result ofconfusion concerning "who is responsible forwhose reality." If we believe that others areresponsible for our reality and how we feeland they do not "create" our reality as we wouldlike it to be or do not give us what we want, we feelhurt, bitter, disillusioned, powerless, fearful,resentful, angry and even hateful.

When we believe that we are responsible fortheir reality, and we are not able to make themhappy, healthy, successful or satisfied we feelfailure, self-rejection, shame and guilt. We mighteven feel anger toward them when they do notcooperate with us to create the reality we believethey must have in order to feel that we aresuccessful and thus worthy as parents, teachers,saviors, healers, etc.

Both beliefs create codependency, resulting inconflicts that prevent both parties from maturingemotionally.

We will all be much happier if we createrelationships of conscious love, co-commitmentand mutual support rather than burden eachother and ourselves in these ways.

Beliefs that Cause Codependency

1. I am responsible for the others’ realityfor their safety, happiness, health, success,satisfaction, etc.

We then believe we are failures if they are notwell.

We also become angry with them when they donot cooperate in creating their own well being,which we need in order to feel worthy.

2. Others are incapable, unable, and lackinginner guidance or the capacity for managing theirlives properly. They need me.

We believe they cannot be okay or proceed in lifewithout our guidance and effort.As a consequence, we undermine their self-confidence and self-worth and wear ourselvesdown doing for others much of what they can dofor themselves. We obstruct their growth andstrength.

3. If the others are not well, h a p p y ,successful, satisfied, etc., then I am a failure.

In such cases, we get trapped in a vicious circlewith the others, seeking to pressure them to livetheir lives in ways that we believe will make themhappy and well. We do this, however, not only outof love, but also out of our need to affirm our self-worth.

4. If the others are not well or satisfied,etc., I am not worthy.

5. If the other is not well or happy, I do nothave the right to be well or happy.

This often does not help the other, but insteadadds to the negativity in the environment. Iremember a man once who expressed the need tobe able to express that he is not feeling well,without his wife going to pieces.

6. If I love someone who is suffering,unhappy or not well, I should not be able to behappy or well.

We can help others much more effectively bybeing positive rather than negative when they arenot well.

7. My self-worth depends on what othersthink of me and on how satisfied they are withme.

We then lose our sense of who we are, what webelieve, and what we want to do with our lives. We


waste our lives seeking to be who we believeothers want us to be. In the end, we lose ourhappiness and are usually bitter when we realizethat after all that self-suppression; we are still notgetting the love and respect we desire from others.

8. My self-worth is dependent on howsuccessful my efforts are toward health,happiness, material comfort, social acceptance,professional success, etc.

9. Without the others:a. I cannot feel safe.b. I cannot feel socially accepted.c. I cannot succeed.d. I cannot enjoy myself.e. I cannot be sure of what to do.f. I cannot be happy.

10. Others are responsible for my:a. Happinessb. Safety.c. Satisfaction.d. Success.e. Health.

Discovering our ownTendencies Toward Codependency

The next step is to determine exactly who (orwhat) we are expecting to create our happiness,success, and satisfaction, or where we aredependent on others for our feelings of self-worthor security.

Then we need to discover for which persons wefeel responsible for their health, happiness,success, safety or satisfaction.

Completing the next exercise will help usunderstand in what areas we tend to feelresponsible for creating other realities or in whatareas we believe others should ‘create’ or ‘areresponsible’ for our reality.

1. I feel responsible for the following inrelationship to the following persons:

Name Health Safety Happiness Success Satisfaction Self-worth

Perhaps it would be useful here to give someexamples of possible answers:

a. I feel responsible for my children’s health,safety, happiness, satisfaction, and success in lifeand their behavior toward others.

b. I feel responsible for my spouse’s and parents’happiness and satisfaction.

c. I feel responsible for my boss’s satisfactionwith my work.

d. I feel responsible for my friends’ satisfactionwith my friendship.

e. I feel responsible for my siblings’ being satisfiedwith me, and also for their health, happiness andsecurity.

Programmed in this way, with the above feelingsof responsibility, I cannot feel happy or worthyunless:

a. My children are healthy, safe, successful,happy, satisfied, and are behaving properlytoward others.

b. My spouse and parents are happy and satisfiedwith me.

c. My boss and friends are satisfied with me.

d. My siblings are satisfied with me, and are safeand happy.

2 I expect help from the following personsin fulfilling the following needs.


Some possible answers might be:

a. I expect help from my children to fulfill myneeds for order and cleanliness and satisfaction.

b. I expect help from my spouse for my safety,happiness, success and satisfaction.

c. I expect help from my parents for safety,happiness, success and satisfaction.

d. I expect help from my friends for myhappiness, and occasionally for my satisfaction.

e. I expect help from my siblings for myhappiness, and occasionally for my safety.


3. I can see that I am dependent on, or amaffected by, the following persons to somedegree concerning the following feelings:


Some possible answer might be:

a. I am dependent on or am affected by mychildren concerning my self-worth as a parent andperson.

b. I am dependent on or am affected by my spouseconcerning my self-worth as a spouse and person,and also for my feelings of safety.

c. I am dependent on or am affected by myparents concerning my self-worth as a child andperson, and also for my feelings of safety, successand happiness.

d. I am dependent on or am affected by myfriends concerning my self-worth as a friend andperson.

e. I am dependent on or am affected by mysiblings concerning my self-worth as a sibling andas a person, and sometimes for my feelings ofsafety._____________________________

Now take time to fill in the above three charts foryourself without being limited to the sampleanswers above.

As we can see, in such situations, peace andhappiness will be almost nonexistent, as there arejust too many factors that must be "okay" in orderfor us to be happy. We are in a state of totalcodependency and cannot create happiness unlessall people around us are exactly as we need themto be. All of us are intertwined in a mesh ofconfusion that obstructs our happiness.

The Difference Between theMotive, Effort and Result

We need to make an important distinction herebetween our good will and making an effort tohelp someone, or accepting their effort to help us,and accepting responsibility for each other’sreality.

We obviously are all together to help and supporteach other on all levels. This is what relationshipsare all about.

We cannot, however, create the others’ health,happiness, success or satisfaction. Only they cancreate or allow for their well being and only wecan create or allow for ours.

Thus, when returning to others the responsibilityfor their lives, we do not cease helping them, butinstead serve them in any way we can, whilesimultaneously allowing them to discover thepower and wisdom within themselves.

This step, of course, will need to be made withdiscrimination. If someone is seriously ill orincapable, we obviously cannot leave him or herhelpless. We will serve others in every possibleway, doing for them whatever they cannot do forthemselves, but we will not be responsible for theresult.

Neither will we be responsible for theirsatisfaction.

Also, our self-worth cannot be increased ordecreased by others’ behavior. We are who we areindependently of how others behave or what theythink.

We have the inner power and wisdom to createexactly the reality we need in order to proceed inour spiritual development. If that meansoccasionally we will not have support from others,then it is not by chance. It is an opportunity foreven greater growth.

Employing EFT for getting free fromCodependency

Choose a change that you want to make. Twopossibilities would be:

1. Ceasing to depend on someone for yourfeelings of self-worth, security or happiness.

2. Ceasing to feel responsible for theother’s reality. (The more specific the better i.e.the other’s health, happiness, satisfaction, success,etc.)

Now having chosen your issue, discover theemotions, which you have about making thischange. Some examples below might help.


1. When seeking to be less dependent wemight fear:

a. That others may not love us or pay attention tous if we are not dependent on them.

b. That this change would be misinterpreted asindifference or lack of love.

c. That the others would feel hurt.

d. That they would criticize us for not caring ornot loving.

e. That the others will be angry.

f. That we will not know what to do if we werenot occupied with this problem.

g. That we could not make it without the other’ssupport in this matter.

h. Other? ________________________ In such a case the set up might be something likethis:

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion) ______ withthe idea of being more independent concerning(decide a specific subject like money, time, worketc.) ________, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)______ with the idea of being more independentconcerning ________, I now feel (realize, know)that this is exactly what I want (need, choose,deserve) for my real happiness.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) about beingmore independent concerning ________.

2. When working on freeing ourselves fromfeeling responsible for the others’ reality.(Health, happiness, satisfaction, success etc.) Wemight feel fear:

a. That it would be misinterpreted as indifferenceor lack of love.

b. That the others would feel hurt.

c. That they would criticize us for not caring ornot loving.

d. That the others would not be able to managewithout us.


f. That we would not know what to do if we werenot occupied with their needs and problems.

g. We would not be good persons (mothers,fathers, children, siblings, friends).

h. That something bad might happen to theothers.

i. Other? _______________________

In such a case the set up might be something likethis:

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion) ______ withthe idea of allowing (name of person) ________be responsible for _________ (be specific:Health, happiness, satisfaction, success), I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)______ with the idea of allowing (name ofperson) ________ be responsible for_________, I now feel (realize, know) that thisis so much better for his/her ultimate good.

A.3. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)______ with the idea of allowing (name ofperson) ________ be responsible for_________, I now feel (realize, know) that thisis so much better for our ultimate good.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) with theidea of allowing (name of person) ________ beresponsible for _________.

Other aspects and Resistance

While employing EFT for these feelings which areobstructing us from creating healthierrelationships of co-commitment rather than co-dependency, we may encounter other aspectswhich need to be worked on.

In previous chapters, we have discussed these andhow they can be dealt with. For convenience webriefly list them here.


1. Parallel Aspects: Other emotions such fear,anger, injustice and hurt.

2. Underlying Aspects: Other underlyingemotions such as fear, hurt or guilt.

3. Secondary Emotions: Emotions we mighthave when we become aware that we have theabove mentioned emotions.

4. Physical Embodiment: At times theemotional energy field will be felt more physicallythan emotionally and thus we will need to workthe pain or other physical phenomena and thenreturn to the emotion which is the issue.

5. Childhood Experiences: Somehow relatedto our present issue.

6. Resistance to Change: Beliefs and emotions,which conflict with our need to free ourselves.Many of the above-mentioned beliefs are actuallyforms of psychological reversal.

Communicating with our Loved OnesConcerning these Realizations and

Changes.

Attempting to communicate our new stance is anexcellent way to check if there are any remainingobstructing emotions. The forms below areguidelines for explaining to others how we feel,what we believe and what we would like to do.After filling them out, they can be practiced onsomeone in a psychodrama as we imagine we arespeaking to the person concerned. If we do nothave anyone to read this to, then we can place apicture of the person and read it to that.If in the process of writing or speaking, we noticeany negative emotions we can employ EFT or notethem down in order to work on them immediatelyor later.

Such messages can also be written to possessions,to society as a whole or to anything to whom, oron which, we are dependent for our feelings ofself-worth or security.

These forms are to guide and help us, not to limitus, so feel free to change the wording to suit yourneeds.

Communicating About Giving Back toOthers the responsibility for their ______

My dearest ________________________

I am writing to you now because I havediscovered something very important that affectsboth of us and our relationship. I have discoveredthat I have been feeling responsible for your( happiness, well being, safety, success,satisfaction, etc.) _________________I now realize that my feeling responsible for your_____and_____and____and ____ has thefollowing negative results for me:________________________________

I also believe that it has the following negativeresults effect on you and our relationship:_________________________________

I thus believe that, for the following reasons, itwill be much better for me to give you back theresponsibility for your ______________ and_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ a n d______________________.

I want to tell you that I do love you and that youmust not misinterpret this communication tomean anything other than what I am saying.

Also, I need to tell you that I have some (many)_________(fears, conflicts, reservations,resistances, doubts) about this change. They arethe following:_________________________________

For this reason, I will need your help with thischange. You could help me in the following ways:_________________________________

Now it is very important for me to hear how youfeel about what I have said and the changes Iwould like us to make.

Now we go back and employ EFT for anyemotions, which have come up.


Communicating about becoming lessdependent on the other for _____

My dearest _________________________

I am writing to you now because I havediscovered something very important that affectsboth of us and our relationship. I have discoveredthat I have been feeling dependent on you for myfeelings of ______ (self-worth, happiness, wellbeing, safety, success , sat isfact ion)_________________.

I now realize that my being dependent on you formy ___and_____and______ has the followingnegative results for me:________________________________.

I also believe that it has the following negativeeffect on you and our relationship:_________________________________

I thus believe that for the following reasons, itwould be much better for me to take totalresponsibility for my ______________ and___________ and _______.

I want to tell you that I do love you and that youmust not misinterpret this communication tomean anything other than what I am saying. Also,I would like to share with you that I have some(many) _________(fears, conflicts, reservations,resistances, doubts) about this change. They arethe following:

For this reason, I will need your help with thischange. You could help me in the following ways:_________________________________

Now it is very important for me to hear how youfeel about what I have said and the changes Iwould like us to make.

Now we go back and employ EFT for anyemotions, which have come up.

Supplementary Techniques

1. Affirmations written, verbal or mentallyrepeated in deep relaxation can help us intransforming these false beliefs. Someaffirmations that might be useful:a. Each of us is totally responsible for our ownreality, for our own safety, happiness, health,success, satisfaction, etc.

b. Each of us is capable, and we all have the innerguidance required to manage our lives properly.c. I want others to be well, happy, successful, andsatisfied without feeling responsible for them.d. My self-worth is independent of the realityothers create for themselves.e. I want others to be well, happy, successful, andsatisfied without feeling that I cannot (or shouldnot) feel happy if they are not.f. I do not help others by being unhappy or bylimiting my happiness when they are not well.g. I am a divine creation and my self-worth istotally independent of whether others are satisfiedwith me or not.h. My self-worth is independent of the results ofmy efforts.i. I am totally capable of creating my own security,success, health, enjoyment, social acceptance,professional success, and spiritual evolution.

2. We can communicate with others andexpress our real feelings and needs in suchsituations. We would benefit from learning tomake I-messages, which express what we need,feel and believe without blaming the others ormaking them defensive.

3. We can study the various spiritual truthsthat liberate us from these false beliefs and helpus develop love with discrimination. We candevelop love for the soul, seeing the personality asthe soul’s vehicle. Thus, we are interested infacilitating the soul’s growth rather than thepersonality’s comfort.

An Extremely Important Note:

Because these false concepts of responsibility arevery deeply ingrained in our social subconscious,some may at first misunderstand our intentionsand feelings. We have so identified love withattachment and dependency that it is oftendifficult at first for some of us to see love inindependence. Thus, it is especially important foryou to frequently reiterate that you loveand care for this person and also to showthis with your actions.

You will also need to be patient with possiblenegative reactions. Do not lose your peace andlove in the face of possible reactions. (Employ EFTwhen your own negative emotions arise.) Bepatient and explain over and over again in a calmvoice, without giving in and retreating into thepast programmings and behaviors. Be clear andcalm about this gradual process that is much like a


painful surgical operation for both of you, inwhich deep false beliefs are being removed.

Also we want to avoid using these concepts as anexcuse to ignore actual responsibilities that wemay have in our family or professional life.

When employing EFT for getting free from Codependency,we may need to deal with the following:

1. When seeking to be less dependent we might fear:

a. That others may not love us or pay attention to us if we are not dependent on

them.

b. That this change would be misinterpreted as indifference or lack of love.

c. That the others would feel hurt.

d. That they would criticize us for not caring or not loving.


f. That we will not know what to do if we were not occupied with this problem.

g. That we could not make it without the other’s support in this matter.

h. Other? ____________________________

2. When working on freeing ourselves from feeling responsible for theothers’ reality. (Health, happiness, satisfaction, success etc.) We might feel fear:

a. That it would be misinterpreted as indifference or lack of love.

b. That the others would feel hurt.

c. That they would criticize us for not caring or not loving.

d. That the others would not be able to manage without us.


f. That we would not know what to do if we were not occupied with their needs and

problems.

g. We would not be good persons (mothers, fathers, children, siblings, friends).

h. That something bad might happen to the others.

i. Other? ____________________________


Chapter Nineteen

EFT & Dealing With “Victims”

Freeing ourselves from the power gamesdescribed in the “Celestine Prophecy”

********************

Introduction

This is an introduction to this and the next threechapters, where we will discuss how to employEFT for dealing more effectively and lovingly withthose who play the roles of the Victim, Aloof,Interrogator and Intimidator.

Having grown up in unique environments,experiencing different messages about ourselves,others and life, each of us has developed apersonality with specific and unique needs,desires, beliefs, habits, attachments and roleswhich we play. Many of our behaviors are defensemechanisms, or ways of thinking and acting,which we hope will protect us from various,mostly imagined, dangers.

Some people have “introverted” defensemechanisms, which cause them to retreat intothemselves, or into some kind of non-inclusiveactivity, when they are not feeling safe. Othersbecome aggressive, antagonistic or competitive.

These various ways in which we have beenprogrammed to react to situations, especiallythose which threaten us, make up, to a greatextent, the basic fabric of our interpersonalconflicts. Such automatic defensive reactionscreate conflict with others, especially if ourmethods of “coping” clash with their needs. Whenwe free ourselves from these mechanicalreactions, and act consciously and lovingly, wewill have much greater chances of harmony andreal communication.

The best seller “The Celestine Prophecy” byJames Redfield has successfully presented asimplified grouping of these coping mechanismsinto four roles. Let us take a brief look at these

roles, which we and our loved ones might getlocked into as we battle for energy, self-affirmation, security and control.

We must keep in mind that most of us play all ofthese roles to some degree. We might play the“victim” with one person and the “intimidator”with another. Or we might be both theinterrogator and victim with the same person.Also, our relationship partners, loved ones,friends and coworkers will embody a combinationof these roles.

Possible Interactions

We and our loved ones may play a combination ofthese roles in our attempts to get what we needfrom others. In general, we play these roles inorder:

1. To protect our energy and gain more energyfrom others if we can.

2. To be able to control others and have theirattention when we want.

3. To get what we want from others.

4. To affirm our self-worth and sense ofsecurity.

5. To protect our freedom to do what wewant.

6. To prove that we are right.

7. To avoid being controlled by others.

8. Out of habit and childhood programming.


The roles we play are often in response to the rolesour loved ones play. And vice verse, the roles theyplay are usually mirroring our roles. For example,if we play the victim, the other may protecthimself by playing the intimidator so we do notget what we want. Or he or she may play theinterrogator so as to change the balance of powerbetween us. Or a third may play the aloof andprotect him or herself by simply ignoring us.

If we play the Interrogator, the other may play thesame role as we communicate like lawyers, tryingto prove the other wrong. Or he or she might playthe victim so we will stop. Another might becomealoof and ignore us so as to find his or her peace.Or he or she might become an intimidator to stopus.

If we play the Intimidator, the other may play thesame role as we fight a “battle to the death” to seewho will get his or her way. Or he or she may playthe interrogator and defuse our weapons bymaking us answer to his or her criticism. Anothermay play the victim so that we will have mercy,feel guilty and stop. The aloof will find his peaceby ignoring us.

If we play the Aloof, the other may do the sameand we will simply never communicate. Morelikely, however, he or she will play the intimidatoror interrogator in order to get our attention byaddressing themselves to our fears and need forapproval.

Victims may try to get our attention by playing onour guilt.

When we use the words “playing these roles”, wedo not mean that we are consciously playing thembut rather that they have become subconsciousmechanical reactions which functionautomatically.

*********************

Learning to Be Steady and Lovingwith “Victims”

The role of Victim (poor me) is a favorite withmany of us. There are so many “benefits” we canensure by playing the role of the victim.

1. We automatically gain self-worth. Followthis reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the oneto whom injustice is being done. Thus, the othersare unjust, incorrect, not okay, wrong in what theydo and consequently we are just, okay, good andright. We are worthy and they are not. Many of us,

who do not have sufficient self-esteem, feel thatthis is the only way we can establish our self-worth.

2. As victims we can control others byplaying on their pity and guilt. When they areangry with us, we can diminish their rage andaggression by playing the weak abused person.When we want something from someone, we canplay on their guilt, by making them feel that theyare to blame for our unhappiness or our problems.

3. We as “victims” are “not responsible”for our reality and thus not to blame if we orour lives are not in good condition. We have anexcuse for not being okay or manifesting ourpotential.

Thus, as victims, we gain what we want from theothers by making them feel responsible for ourreality and by making ourselves seem weak,incapable and in need of help.

When confronted with loved ones who are playingthe role of victim, we need to free ourselves fromthe illusion that they are weak and incapable, andthat we are responsible for their reality or that wecan create their happiness, health or success inlife.

We need to express our love to them in ways thatthey can feel it, without getting caught up infeeling responsible or guilty for their reality. Thisrequires a combination of love, clarity of mind,and effective communication. We need to helpthem find another way of getting what they need;a way free from self-pity and unnecessarysuffering.

The victim “needs” to be unhappy. He or she willfind daily reasons not to be happy. Those reasonsalso frequently imply that the others around themare to blame. The victim finds it difficult to say,“what a wonderful day it is”, or “how happy I am”,or “thank you for being such a nice person to me”(unless you are new in their lives, and “differentfrom all the insensitive people” already in theirlives).In order to deal with those playing the role ofvictim more effectively, we will need to clear outour negative emotions so that we can connect withthem with love and clarity.

Thus, our first step towards freedom is to discoverthe beliefs and emotions we experience when weconfront them or think about them.


Some of the beliefs, which create ournegative emotions, might be:

a. I am responsible for the other’s reality.b. I am worthy only if the others are satisfied withme and with what I offer them.c. I am to blame when others are not happy orsatisfied.d. I must have approval and recognition for what Ihave done and am doing for others.e. Others are weak and need my help.f. I must save the others. I am stronger and knowbetter and can help them.g. The more people I save, the worthier I am.h. I am being done an injustice, as I have offeredso much and the others are still not satisfied.i. Others are using me. I am the “victim’s victim”.

Employing EFT on Emotions we mighthave when dealing with “victims”

Note:As we work on the following emotions we need tobe open to work with any of the aspects whichmight come up.

We have already discussed these aspects and howthey can be dealt with.

We now want to discover the emotions which:

1. Cause us to fall into their trap and becontrolled by them.2. Cause us to lose our peace of mind and ourlove for them.

Here a list of some frequent emotions we havewhen dealing with persons playing the role of thevictim. Under each emotion are some possible setup phrases to use for that.

1. Feeling responsible for them and their reality.

A.1. Even though I feel responsible for (name ofperson)____’s (what you feel responsible for i.e.health, happiness, satisfaction, success etc.)_______, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.orA.2. Even though until now I have feltresponsible for (name of person)____’s (what youfeel responsible for i.e. health, happiness,satisfaction, success etc.) ___, I now lovinglysupport him/her in creating his/her o w n(health, happiness, satisfaction, success) ___.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis feeling of responsibility.

C. Reminder Phrase = Responsibility for (nameof person) ____________’s (health, happiness,satisfaction, success).

2. Fear of not being able to succeed in helpingthem.

A.1. Even though I fear that I will never succeedin creating (name of person)____’s (what you feelresponsible for i.e. health, happiness, satisfaction,success etc.) _______, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.orA.2. Even though until now I have feared that Iwill never create (name of person)____’s (whatyou feel responsible for i.e. health, happiness,satisfaction, success etc.) _____, I now lovinglysupport him/her in creating his/her own (health,happiness, satisfaction, success) ____.

A.3. Even though until now I have feared that Iwill never create (name of person)____ ’s (whatyou feel responsible for i.e. health, happiness,satisfaction, success etc.) __ , I now believe inhis/her ability to create his/her own (health,happiness, satisfaction, success) __.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of failing with (nameof person) _________’s (health, happiness,satisfaction, success) _____.

3. Fear that the other may suffer some harm andI will be responsible.

A.1. Even though I fear that I will be responsibleif (name of person)____comes to some harm (ordoes not succeed) _______, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared that Iwill be responsible if (name of person)____comesto some harm (or does not succeed) _______ , Inow lovingly support him/her in creating his/herown (health, happiness, satisfaction, success)_____.

A.3. Even though until now I have feared that Iwill be responsible if (name of person)____comes


to some harm (or does not succeed) _______ , Inow believe in his/her ability to create his/herown (health, happiness, satisfaction, success)_____.


C. Reminder Phrase = Fear for (name of person)____________’s (health, happiness,satisfaction, success).

4. Failure, helplessness because our efforts arenot manifesting in results.

A.1. Even though I feel that I have failed (amhelpless) to create (name of person)____’s(health, happiness, satisfaction, success)_______, I deeply and profoundly love myself.orA.2. Even though until now I have felt that I havefailed (am helpless) to create (name ofperson)__’s (health, happiness, satisfaction,success) ____, I now accept (understand, realize)that only he/she can create his/her own (health,happiness, satisfaction, success) ____.orA.3. Even though until now I have felt that I havefailed (am helpless) to create (name ofperson)____’s (health, happiness, satisfaction,success) _______, I now believe in his/herability to create his/her own (health, happiness,satisfaction, success) _____.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of failure (helplessness).

C. Reminder Phrase = Failure (helplessness) tocreate (name of person) ____________’s(health, happiness, satisfaction, success).

5. Injustice that, although we have tried so muchto help them, they are not satisfied.

A.1. Even though I feel injustice that (name ofperson)____is never satisfied with my efforts tohelp him/her, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt a sense ofinjustice that (name of person)____is neversatisfied with my efforts to help him/her, I amnow free from the need for him/her to expresssatisfaction.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of injustice.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice because (name)_____ is not satisfied.

6. Hurt, bitterness or rejection because theynever recognize our efforts or our love.

A.1. Even though I feel hurt (bitter or rejected)when (name of person)____does not recognizemy efforts and love, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.orA.2. Even though until now I have felt hurt (bitteror rejected) when (name of person)___ did notrecognize my efforts and love, I am now free fromneeding recognition and lovingly support him/herin creating his/her own (health, happiness,satisfaction, success) _____.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of hurt (bitterness or rejection).

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (bitterness orrejection) because (name) _____ does notacknowledge effort and love.

7. Guilt because they are not happy or well (orsatisfied).

A.1.. Even though I feel guilty because (name ofperson)____is not well (happy or satisfied), Ideeply and profoundly love myself.orA.2. Even though until now I have felt guiltybecause (name of person)____was not well(happy or satisfied), I now realize that I am notresponsible for his/her reality and lovinglysupport him/her in creating his/her own (health,happiness, satisfaction, success) ____.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisguilt.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt because (name)_____ is not well (happy or satisfied)

8. Anger because the other is not doing whathe/she should be doing for himself/herself.


A.1. Even though I feel anger when (name ofperson)____does not do what he/she can do tofeel better, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt angerwhen (name of person)____did not do whathe/she could do to feel better, I now am free toallow him/her to make his/her own choices tocreate - or not - his/her own (health, happiness,satisfaction, success) _____.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisanger.

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger when (name)_____ does not do what he/she can do.

9. Anger because I feel that they are controllingme. I am the victim’s victim.

A.1. Even though I feel angry when I let (name ofperson)____control me, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.orA.2. Even though until now I have felt angrywhen I let (name of person)____control me, Inow lovingly respect (assert) my own needs andallow him/her to be responsible for his/her own(health, happiness, satisfaction, success) ____.


C. Reminder Phrase = Anger because (name)_____ is controlling me.

A possible ideal way of interactingwith a “victim”

The use of the pronoun she is arbitrary

Here is a description of how one might want tointeract with a person who plays the role of thevictim.

I would like to keep clear in my mind that I cannotcreate the other’s health, happiness, success orsatisfaction. I also want to remember that theother is an expression of the divine who has thepower to manifest what she has incarnated tocreate in her life.

I want to remember that she needs my love andattention and give it freely.

When she gets into the role of victim, I willexplain that I love and care for her and want herto be happy, but that that I cannot create that. Iam willing to help her if she wants to takeresponsibility and work towards her happiness.

I can ask her questions that might help her realizewhat she needs to do to create her happiness. Ican also ask questions that may help her see howblessed she already is. I will encourage her toexperience the power within her, which she canuse to create the reality she desires.

Throughout this process I will remain very clearthat I am not responsible for what she is feeling. Ifshe accuses me of not doing enough, I will checkwith my conscience and if I decided that she isright, I will start doing more. If I decide that she iswrong, then I will lovingly tell her so and explainthat I am not going to do more and if she wants todiscuss finding other solutions, I will be happy tohelp.I will also explain that I will no longer feel guiltyabout her unhappiness and as I am clear aboutdoing whatever I can, and that playing the victimwill not help her get more from me.

Possible positive beliefs

These beliefs will allow us to have harmoniousrelationships with those who play the role of thevictim.

a. We each create our reality.

b. I cannot create anyone else’s reality.

c. I am not to blame for what others areexperiencing in their evolutionary process.

d. Others are not to blame for what I am feeling orcreating.

e. I can love someone without being sad becausethey are not happy, since each of us has what weneed to be happy- if we could only see it.

f. It is okay to be well and happy when our lovedones are not.

g. I love, serve and help my loved ones create thereality they want, without getting into the role ofthe savior or being responsible for others.

h. No one can use me, if I chose to give. What Igive freely cannot be taken from me, since I amgiving it.


i. If I am feeling used, then I am not giving frommy heart but I am seeking something in return.

j. There are times when the greatest help we canoffer is to allow the other to stand on his/her owntwo feet.

k. Others will continue to love me even if I cannotat times respond to their requests.

l. Life gives me exactly what I need at everymoment, so that I can learn my next lesson in mygrowth process.

A possible I-message to a Victim

“Dear, I want you to know that I love and care foryou and want very much for you to be happy,healthy and satisfied in your life. I want that verymuch.

However, I am beginning to realize that I cannotcreate that for you. I realize now that I have beenfeeling responsible for your reality and sometimesguilty because you are not as happy and satisfied,as both you and I would like you to be.”

“I now realize that I do not help you by feelingresponsible or guilty. These feelings just make meangry with you when you do not do what youcould be doing to create a happier life for yourself,or do not see how wonderful your life really is.This happens especially when you focus on whatyou do not have, rather than all the wonderfulthings you do have.”

“Thus I am no longer going to try to create yourhappiness or get your approval through yourexpression of satisfaction. I am going to love youand offer you whatever I can, without doing morethan I believe I should and without getting angrywith you because you are not satisfied.”

“Is there something you would like to share withme concerning this?”

Making the Change

This epilogue is for this and the next threechapters about the roles we play. Parallel with ouremployment of EFT on all negative emotions,which are provoked by the other’s behavior, wecan also include the following.

1. One very good way to start is to share with theothers in a loving and non-critical way, what we

have discovered about ourselves (Not aboutthem). We can explain to them the changes we aregoing to try to make and ask for their support inthat effort. We must also be very careful not to usethis knowledge egotistically, telling the peoplearound us what roles they are in or placing themin categories. This analysis is for our owntransformation and not for controlling or hurtingothers.

2 . Another important aid is to imagineourselves, while in deep relaxation, being able toact in these positive alternative ways.

3. We can also write the positive beliefs we wantto strengthen twenty times a day.

4. We may need to work on our childhood years inorder to free ourselves from some of thebeliefs that were programmed into us then.

5. We will likely need to work on our own self-e s t e e m in order to remain clear in ourinteractions.

When dealing with Victims, we need todeal with the following in order to not be

controlled by them but also continue lovingthem.

1. Feeling responsible for them and their reality.

2. Fear of not being able to succeed in helpingthem.

3. Fear that the other may suffer some harm andI will be responsible.

4. Failure, helplessness because our efforts arenot manifesting in results

5. Injustice that, although we have tried so muchto help them, they are not satisfied.

6. Hurt, bitterness or rejection because theynever recognize our efforts or our love.

7. Guilt because they are not happy or well (orsatisfied).

8. Anger because the other is not doing whathe/she should be doing for himself/herself.

9. Anger because I feel that they are controllingme. I am the victim’s victim.


Chapter Twenty

EFT & Dealing With "Aloof Persons"

We suggest that you read the introduction andepilogue to the previous chapter if you have notalready done so.

The use of the pronoun he is arbitrary

Being Free and Loving with “Aloofs”

In the role of the aloof we distance ourselvesfrom others, avoiding meaningful or honestemotional contact. In this way, we are less likely tofeel hurt or be controlled by people’s negativeemotions, requests or demands.

1. We hide to protect ourselves from theintimidator’s attack, the interrogator’s inquisitionand the victim’s complaints.

2 . In addition to protecting ourselves bydistancing ourselves, and not expressing much,either positively or negatively, we also gain self-worth by making others seek contact with us.

Some aloofs are secretly hoping that someone willapproach them and secretly desire their attention.They secretly desire attention but cannot freethemselves from their role enough to approachothers. The approached receives energy andaffirmation from the one who approaches seekinghis or her company.

While the victim controls others through theirfeelings of responsibility and guilt, the aloofcontrols others through their need forcontact with or attention from him as he denieshis attention and emotional exchange.

We can help ourselves and the “aloofs” in our livesby freeing ourselves from the idea that they arenot communicating with us because we are notokay. We can, of course, ask them and give them achance to tell us if we have done something thathas hurt them. If they refuse to share with us whatis bothering them, then perhaps it is best to allowthem to have responsibility for the reality they arecreating for themselves.

Some of the beliefs, which create ournegative emotions, might be:

a. When the other does not communicate withme, he does not love me, respect me, trust me orcare for me.

b. When the other does not communicate withme, I have done something wrong.

c. I need to communicate with him in order tosolve problems and make decisions.

d. I cannot be happy without communication.

e. I need the others’ attention in order to feel theirinterest and my self-worth.

f. No one cares for me.

g. I am alone in the world.

h. This is unfair and unjust.

i. If he cared for me he would communicate withme.

j. A person who is not paid attention to is lackingin self-worth.

Employing EFT on Emotions we might have whendealing with "aloofs"

Note:As we work on the following emotions we need tobe aware of and work on any aspects which mightcome up. We have already discussed these aspectsand how they can be dealt with.

We are now looking to discoverthe emotions which:

1. Cause us to get lost in an unfruitful questfor their attention (be controlled by them).


2. Cause us to lose our peace of mind and ourlove for them.

Here a list of some frequent emotions we havewhen dealing with persons playing the role of thealoof. Under each emotion are some possible setup phrases to use for that.

Note:

These lists are in no way complete. Be open tounlimited other possibilities and all their aspects.

1. Rejection (ignored) because they do not payany attention to us or share with us their feelingsand thoughts.

A.1. Even though I feel rejected (ignored) when(name of person)____doesn’t communicate(share, open up) with me, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt rejected(ignored) when (name of person)____didn’tcommunicate (share, open up) with me, I nowlovingly allow him/her space and feel my self-worth and fullness of being.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling rejected (ignored)

C. Reminder Phrase = Rejection (ignored) when(name) _____ doesn’t communicate.

2. Loneliness (alienated) because we cannotshare with them.

A.1. Even though I feel lonely (alienated) when(name of person)____doesn’t communicate(share, open up) with me, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt lonely(alienated) when (name of person)____didn’tcommunicate (share, open up) with me, I nowlovingly allow him/her space and feel my self-worth and fullness of being.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling rejected (ignored)

C. Reminder Phrase = Lonely (alienated) when(name) _____ doesn’t communicate.

3. Fear (guilt) that we have done somethingwrong.

A.1. Even though I feel fear (guilt) that I havedone something wrong when (name ofperson)____doesn’t communicate (share, openup) with me, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt fear (guilt) thatI have done something wrong when (name ofperson)____didn’t communicate (share, openup) with me, I now lovingly allow him/her spaceand feel my self-worth and fullness of being.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling fear (guilt).

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear (guilt) that I havedone something wrong when (name) _____doesn’t communicate.

4. Unloved because they do not show us love.

A.1. Even though I feel unloved when (name ofperson)____doesn’t express his/her love the wayI want, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt unlovedwhen (name of person)____didn’t expresshis/her love in the way I want, I now lovinglyallow him/her space and feel my self-worth andfullness of being.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling unloved.

C. Reminder Phrase = Unloved when (name)_____doesn’t express his/her love the way Iwant.

5. Hurt (Injustice) because I am giving but notgetting what I need.

A.1. Even though I feel hurt (injustice) when(name of person)____doesn’t give me what Ineed, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2.Even though until now I have felt hurt(injustice) when (name of person)____didn’tgive me what I needed, I now lovingly allowhim/her space and feel my self-worth and fullnessof being.


B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling hurt (injustice).

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (injustice) when(name) _____ doesn’t give me what I need.

6. Frustration and anger because this personis not giving me what I need in this relationship.

A.1. Even though I feel frustration (anger) when(name of person)____doesn’t give me what Ineed, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt frustration(anger) when (name of person)____didn’t giveme what I needed, I now accept him/her as he/sheis and feel my self-worth and fullness of being.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling frustration (anger).C. Reminder Phrase = Frustration (anger) when(name) _____ doesn’t give me what I need.

A possible ideal way ofinteracting with an "aloof"


I would like to remember that he has a problemand is closed up because he fears being open. Ialso want to remember that I am not to blame forthis reaction and that I am worthy and safe andcan solve my problems even if he never opens up.I will stop pressuring him and give him space tobe alone so that he will gradually begin to feel hisown need for contact with me.I will explain to him that I need and want morecommunication but that I see the negative resultsof pressuring or nagging him about it.I will also explain that I will be overjoyed if hewould approach me when he feels the need tocommunicate more deeply, but that, until thattime, I am going to start taking responsibility formy needs and my life.I am going to stop feeling that I am to blame forhis silence and am going to start engaging invarious activities which fulfill me and givemeaning to my life. I will also explain that I wouldbe very happy for him to partake in any of thoseactivities with me, should he wish.I am going to stop waiting for him to open up andwill start paying attention to my responsibilities,to my creativity, to my learning and growthprocess. I have so many other things in my lifethat can give me happiness. And when he is in themood, I will enjoy communicating with him.


These beliefs will allow us to have harmoniousrelationships with those who play the role of thealoof.

a. Life gives me exactly what I need at everymoment so that I can learn my next lesson in mygrowth process.

b. I am not responsible for the other’s silence.

c. He loves me and cares for me even if he cannotexpress it.

d. His aloofness is a result of his own fears andanxieties.

e. Giving him his freedom and space is the bestway to allow him to open up.

f. He is not my only source of happiness in life.

g. My self-worth is not dependent on his ability toopen up to me or not.

h. I can be fulfilled within myself even withoutsomeone to communicate with.

i. I can fulfill my needs by communicating withGod daily.

j. I have many good friends and family memberswith whom I can communicate.

k. Being loving, allowing his freedom andaccepting him as he is are the best ways toencourage his opening up.

A possible I-message to an Aloof

We can then communicate with them perhaps likethis.

“Dear, I have something important which I wouldlike to express to you and if you want to answerme that would be fine.”

“There are times when you are silent, inexpressiveor even seem sad or angry. At those times, I do notknow what you are feeling or thinking, and Isometimes think that perhaps I have donesomething which has offended or hurt you, orperhaps you do not love me any more.”

“I also start thinking that you do not have enoughtrust in me, or do not feel close enough to me to


share what you are feeling with me. Then I beginto doubt my self-worth as a spouse (or perhapsparent or other role).”

“When I see you like this and make thoseinterpretations, then I sometimes approach youtrying to find out what is happening. Sometimesyou respond and sometimes you do not. When youdo not, I feel hurt and believe that you do not careabout me and our relationship.”

“I now realize that it doesn’t help to pressure youto communicate with me. I am going to try toleave that to you. I just want you to know that I

love you and I want and need to know more aboutwhat you are feeling and thinking, but that I amgoing to leave that up to you.”

“And if, in fact, I have done or do somethingwhich has offended or hurt you, I very much wantto hear it.”

“I will try to leave you all the space you need tofeel from within if you want to communicate withme more deeply.Do you have anything you would like to tell menow?”

When dealing with Aloofs, we will need to deal with the followingin order to maintain our love but yet not be controlled by them.

1. Rejection (ignored) because they do not pay any attention to us or share with ustheir feelings and thoughts.

2. Loneliness (alienated) because we cannot share with them.

3. Fear (guilt) that we have done something wrong.

4. Unloved because they do not show us love.

5. Hurt (Injustice) because I am giving but not getting what I need.

6. Frustration and anger because this person is not giving me what I need in thisrelationship.


Chapter Twenty-one

EFT & Dealing With “Interrogators”

We suggest that you read the previous twochapters before this one.

Some of us play the role of the Interrogator.

1. In this role we seek to control others byaddressing ourselves to their need for ourapproval. We do this by criticizing, doubting,giving advice and, in general, creating doubt aboutthe others’ ability or correctness in what they aredoing. We are always ready to criticize how theyhave done something, or question why they havedone it in a particular way.

2. We get their attention and can control themby making them answer our questions about whatthey are doing. We play the game of who is rightor more knowledgeable.

3. We also gain a sense of self-worth by focusingon the others’ faults and mistakes.

Learning to Be Free and Loving with"Interrogators"

If we want to liberate ourselves from beingcontrolled by the interrogators in our lives, we willneed to free ourselves from the need for theiracceptance or approval. We will need self-acceptance and self-confidence.

Some of the beliefs that create our negativeemotions, might be:

a. I am not worthy unless others believe so.b. My self-worth is dependent on what othersthink of me.c. My self-worth is dependent on whether I makethe right decisions and actions.d. Others know better than I do.e. I am not capable. Not sure of myself.f. I may make a mistake and then others willreject me.g. I need to prove to others that I am worthy andright.h. It is important not to make mistakes and to bealways right.i. I must have everyone’s approval.

Employing EFT on emotions we might havewhen dealing with "interrogators"

Note:As we work on the following emotions we need tobe aware of and work with any aspects whichmight come up. We have already discussed theseaspects and how they can be dealt with.

We are now looking to discover theemotions which:

1. Cause us to give power to interrogators byseeking their approval.2. Cause us to lose our peace of mind and ourlove for them.

Here is a list of some frequent emotions we havewhen dealing with persons playing the role of theinterrogator. Under each emotion are somepossible set up phrases to use for that.

Note:This list is in no way complete. Be open tounlimited other possibilities and all their aspects.

1. Self-doubt (guilt, shame) when the otherdoubts or criticizes us.

A.1. Even though I feel self-doubt (guilt, shame)when (name of person)____ criticizes (doubts,questions) me, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt self-doubtwhen (name of person)____ criticized (doubted,questioned) me, I now lovingly acknowledgehis/her opinion while experiencing (enjoying) myself-worth and inner guidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling self-doubt (guilt, shame).C. Reminder Phrase = Self-doubt (guilt, shame)when (name) _____ criticizes (doubts, questions)me.


2. Fear of being wrong (making a mistake).

A.1. Even though I fear being wrong (making amistake) when (name of person)____ criticizes(doubts, questions) me, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared beingwrong (making a mistake) when (name ofperson)____ criticized (doubted, questioned) me,I now lovingly acknowledge his/her opinion whileexperiencing (enjoying) my self-worth and innerguidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from fearof being wrong.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of being wrong(making a mistake) when (name) _____ criticizes(doubts, questions) me.

3. Rejection (demeaned) of my intelligence orself-worth.

A.1. Even though I feel rejected (demeaned)when (name of person)____ criticizes (doubts,questions) me, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt rejected(demeaned) when (name of person)____criticized (doubted, questioned) me, I nowlovingly acknowledge his/her opinion whileexperiencing (enjoying) my self-worth and innerguidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling rejected (demeaned).

C. Reminder Phrase = Rejected (demeaned)when (name) _____ criticizes (doubts, questions)me.

4. Pain (Injustice) because the other is notbeing fair. (Not giving us the approval andsupport we need.)

A.1. Even though I feel pain (injustice) when(name of person)____ criticizes (doubts,questions) me, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt pain(injustice) when (name of person)____ criticized(doubted, questioned) me, I now lovinglyacknowledge his/her opinion while experiencing(enjoying) my self-worth and inner guidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling rejected (demeaned).

C. Reminder Phrase = Pain (injustice) when(name) _____ criticizes (doubts, questions) me.

5. Frustration (anger) because the other ispreventing us from feeling good about ourselves.

A.1. Even though I feel frustration (anger) when(name of person)____ criticizes (doubts,questions) me, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt frustration(anger) when (name of person)____ criticized(doubted, questioned) me, I now lovinglyacknowledge his/her opinion while experiencing(enjoying) my self-worth and inner guidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling frustration (anger).

C. Reminder Phrase = Frustration (anger) when(name) _____ criticizes (doubts, questions) me.

6. Antagonism for self-worth because wewant to prove that we are right and the other iswrong.

A.1. Even though I feel antagonistic with (nameof person)____ concerning who is right, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feltantagonistic with (name of person)____concerning who is right, I now lovinglyacknowledge his/her opinion while experiencing(enjoying) my self-worth and inner guidance.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeelings of antagonism.

C. Reminder Phrase = Antagonism with (name)_____ for self worth.


A possible ideal way of interacting with an"Interrogator"

The use of the pronoun she is arbitrary

I would like to remember that my self-worth is notdependent on what she thinks. I want to alsoremember that she most likely acts like this,criticizing and trying to put me down, because sheherself doubts her own self-worth. She needsaffirmation and is seeking it by searching for mymistakes or getting me to pay attention to her andanswer her questions.

I would like then to explain to her, that I respecther and her opinions but that I prefer not to getinto this game in which she keeps doubting orcriticizing while I try to prove that I am right. Imay not be always right, I do make mistakes as Iam not perfect, and I will think about what shehas said and get back to her on the matter if it isimportant. But I will not continue this game withher.

We can have totally different beliefs about somematters and still love each other unconditionally.Thus, I chose to love her without needing herapproval or agreement on some matters and hopethat she can do the same.

I will also explain that if she needs my attention orwants to communicate about something then shecan simply express that need without getting intothis criticism trip.


a. My self-worth is independent of what othersthink.b. My self-worth is also independent of the resultsof my efforts.c. The interrogator is often seeking self-esteemthrough my attention.d. We can love each other even when we do notagree.e. I am lovable even when I do not prove that I amright.

f. I am perfectly safe even when the others do notagree with me.g. I learn through my mistakes.h. I am not perfect and I make mistakes. I canadmit this without losing my self-worth andothers’ love.i. Being right does not attract love. Love attractslove.j. Life gives me exactly what I need at everymoment so that I can learn my next lesson in mygrowth process.

A possible I-message to an Interrogator

“Dear, I would like to discuss a problem I havewith you regarding our communication. Icontinuously feel that I am in the position ofanswering your questions and doubts about what Iam doing. I feel that you are frequently correctingand doubting me. This puts me on the defensiveand sometimes I get into the role of the victim andat other times I become an intimidator, or do thesame to you and become your interrogator.”

“This way of communicating saddens me. I believethat we can communicate much more honestlyand harmoniously. For this reason, I am going totry to accept myself even when you doubt andcriticize me. I am going to stop answering yourquestions and apologizing to your accusations. Iam going to try to be happy even when you are notsatisfied with me and when you criticize or accuseme.”

“Please do not misunderstand this. I love you andwant you to be happy and I want us to be happytogether, but we cannot be happy this way, withyour playing the lawyer and my playing the guiltyone. I cannot lose my self-respect any more in thisgame.”

“I want you to know that I love you even when Ido not try to get you to agree with what I do.

How do you feel about this?”

When dealing with Interrogators, we will need to work with the following in order tomaintain our love and yet not be hurt or controlled by them.

1. Self-doubt (guilt, shame) when the other doubts or criticizes us. 2. Fear of being wrong (making a mistake). 3. Rejection (demeaned) of my intelligence or self-worth. 4. Pain (Injustice) because the other is not being fair. (Not giving us the approval and support we need.) 5. Frustration (anger) because the other is preventing us from feeling good about ourselves. 6. Antagonism for self-worth because we want to prove that we are right and the other is wrong.


Chapter Twenty-two

EFT & Dealing with "Intimidators"

We suggest that you read the previous threechapters before this one.

1. Intimidators control us by making us fearthem. They keep us from asking for anything orfrom controlling them in any way, by making usafraid to approach them. They do this by shouting,intimidating, accusing, threatening and perhapseven physical violence. They use our fear and self-doubt to control us.

2. For intimidators the others are always wrongand they have every “right” to punish them.They are simultaneously the police, judge, juryand execution squad.

3. Another benefit they gain from this role is thatthey never have to look at themselves orchange anything about themselves, as “they areperfect” and the others are all wrong.

4. By making us fear them, they seek to get wantthey want from us.

Some combine the role of the victim and theintimidator and thus get the double benefit beingof feeling right for two reasons. Themisconception here is that whoever is the victim isright and whoever is angry is right.

Thus, in order to cope with the intimidators in ourlives, we will need to overcome our fear. This fearmight have its basis in childhood when a shoutingparent was a real threat for many reasons. First ofall, there might be punishment and thusemotional or physical pain. Secondly, all oursecurity and survival were dependent on thisperson who was shouting and intimidating us.Thirdly, if this person was shouting in such abelittling way, this must mean that we are wrong,evil, a bad child, and thus not worthy of love andrespect.

Now, even as full grown adults, our subconsciousreaction tends to be fear and self-doubt whensomeone shouts at, accuses or intimidates us. Ihave seen comic situations where a small sizedwoman can intimidate a man twice her size withher threats.

Learning to Be Free and Loving with"Intimidators"

Some of the beliefs which create ournegative emotions, might be:

a. I am in danger, I could be hurt.b. My survival is being threatened.c. Something horrible could happen.d. I am wrong, unworthy since whoever shoutsmust be right and whomever is being shouted atmust be wrong.e. I cannot protect myself from this person.f. I am weak and unable to protect my needs andbeliefs.g. Better to give in and have peace than stand upfor what I need or believe.h. I am the victim in this situation.I. I must protect myself from this person.

Employing EFT on emotions we might have whendealing with "intimidators"

Note:As we work on the following emotions we need tobe aware of and work with any aspects that mightcome up.

We are now looking to discover emotions which:

1. Cause us to fear and give power to theintimidators.2. Cause us to lose our peace of mind and ourlove for them.

Here is a list of some frequent emotions we havewhen dealing with persons playing the role of theintimidator. Under each emotion are somepossible set up phrases to use.

Note:This list is in no way complete. Be open tounlimited other possibilities and all their aspects.

1. Fear (threatened)

A . 1 . Even though I fear when (name ofperson)____ behaves intimidatingly, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.


A.2. Even though until now I feared when (nameof person)____ behaved intimidatingly, I nowlovingly but assertively stand for what I believe(deserve, need).


C. Reminder Phrase = Fear when (name) _____behaves intimidatingly.

2. Self-doubt (unworthy, guilt, shame)

A.1. Even though I feel self-doubt when (name ofperson)____ behaves intimidatingly, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt self-doubt when(name of person)____ behaved intimidatingly, Inow lovingly but assertively stand for what Ibelieve (deserve, need).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisself-doubt.

C. Reminder Phrase = Self-doubt when (name)_____ behaves intimidatingly.

3. Injustice (hurt, pain, bitterness)

A.1. Even though I feel injustice when (name ofperson)____ behaves intimidatingly, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt injustice when(name of person)____ behaved intimidatingly, Inow lovingly but assertively stand for what Ibelieve (deserve, need).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of injustice

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice when (name)_____ behaves intimidatingly.

4. Humiliation (rejection, demeaned)

A.1. Even though I feel humiliated when (nameof person)____ behaves intimidatingly, I deeplyand profoundly love myself. A.2. Even though until now I felt humiliatedwhen (name of person)____ behaved

intimidatingly, I now lovingly but assertivelystand for what I believe (deserve, need).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfeeling of humiliation.

C. Reminder Phrase = Humiliation when (name)_____ behaves intimidatingly.

5. Anger (rage, hate)

A.1. Even though I feel angry when (name ofperson)____ behaves intimidatingly, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt angry when(name of person)____ behaved intimidatingly, Inow lovingly but assertively stand for what Ibelieve (deserve, need).


C. Reminder Phrase = Anger when (name)_____ behaves intimidatingly.

A possible way of interactingwith an Intimidator


I would like to be able to overcome my fears andsit calmly until the other’s rage has subsided whileI remember that I am not in danger and that he isunhappy. The more he shouts the more I will feelcompassion for him because he seems even moreunhappy. I will try to understand what he reallyneeds at that moment. I will seek to understandwhat fear is causing him to react in this way so Ican help him feel safe and secure with me.

When he has calmed down, I will explain that Ihave no intention of hurting him or making himunhappy. However, if I do not fulfill my needs, Iwill be unhappy and will harbor negative feelingstowards him. I will suggest that we try again todiscuss the subject and make a list of what each ofus needs and discuss how we can both be happy inthis situation.

I will also explain that I have no intention ofgiving in because he is shouting. I could, however,make numerous compromises out of love for himif he would express what he needs from me.



a. I am safe and secure in every situation.

b. Nothing can ever happen to me, which is notexactly what I need for my spiritual growth.

c. This person is my teacher which life has placedbefore me.

d. He is unhappy and afraid, or else he would notbe acting in this way.

e. Behind his angry and threatening appearancehides a fearful and hurt child.

f. Life gives me exactly what I need at everymoment so that I can learn my next lesson in mygrowth process.

A possible I-message to an Intimidator

“I need to discuss something with you. You know,there are times when I am afraid of you. Whenyou raise your voice and threaten me, youstimulate old fears from my childhood years.When that happens, I back down from

confrontation with you. I retreat suppressing myneeds and sometimes my values. When thishappens, I lose my self-respect and feel a sense ofinjustice and then I become angry with you. Myheart closes and my love for you diminishes.There are even times when I think of revenge.”

“ In the way that you act, you may get what youwant from me at that moment, but you lose mylove and respect.”

“I have decided to try to overcome my fear and bemore honest with you. I am going to try to expressmy needs and values even when you shout orintimidate me.I would like to ask for your help with this effort.I am very interested in helping you fulfill yourneeds. I believe that we can both get what we wanttogether. I would like to ask you to express yourneeds without threatening me. Simply tell mewhat you need from me. I, in response, will alsoexpress my needs to you. I believe we can findsolutions without my fearing you and retreatingwhen you threaten me.”

“How do you feel about this idea?”

When dealing with Intimidators we will need to deal with the following inorder to be free from their control but also love them.

1. Fear (threatened)

2. Self-doubt (unworthy, guilt, shame)

3. Injustice (hurt, pain, bitterness)

4. Humiliation (rejection, demeaned)

5. Anger (rage, hate)


Chapter Twenty-three

EFT and Obstacles to Communication

One of our main obstacles to loving andharmonious relationships is our inability tocommunicate effectively. I have seen manyrelationships between love partners, parents andchildren and siblings where there was mutuallove, but many conflicts because of their inabilityto clearly express their needs, feelings and beliefs.

I will always remember a couple who had beenmarried for 40 years and came to discuss variousconflicts. I asked each to share with the otherwhat he or she needed. The man mentioned that itannoyed him that every time he was talking toothers about a subject which really interested him,his wife would be rejecting what he was saying bymaking a sound in her throat. She looked at himin surprise and answered, "I do that because Iagree with you." For all these years he had beenaccumulating feelings of rejection, hurt and angerbecause he was never able to share this with her.

Let us look at some of the feelings and thoughts,which obstruct our ability to express our needs,feelings and thoughts with others.

Obstacles toMore Truthful Communication

Under each obstacle we are presenting somepossible set up phrases. These should give you abase to work with but not limit you. If they do notsuit you, find the phrases that do.

These emotions will likely change and we willneed to work with each emotion or other aspectsas they surface.

We also might be diverted to childhoodexperiences which have to do with the emotionswe are working on.

1. I fear telling the truth because I do not wantto hurt him/her.Examples:

a. That I do not agree with everything he or shedoes.b. That I have not always told him or her thetruth.c. That he or she is more ill than he or she thinks.d. That other people gossip about him or her anddo not think well of him or her.

A.1. Even though I fear telling _____ (name ofperson) that (subject we are afraid ofcommunicating about)___________ because Ido not want to hurt him/her, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared telling_____ (name of person) that (subject we areafraid of communicating about)__________because I did not want hurt him/her, I now realize(feel, believe) that the truth, lovingly expressed, isthe best for us all.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of telling (name) ____ that (subject)______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of telling (name)____ that ______.

2. I fear telling the truth because I do not wantto get into a conflict.Examples:a. That I do not agree with what the other isdoing.b. That I do not want to do what the other wantsme to do.c. That I have done something that the other doesnot approve of.d. That I have made a mistake.

A.1. Even though I fear getting into a conflict if Itell _____ (name) that (subject)________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.


A.2. Even though until now I have feared gettinginto a conflict if I told _____ (name) that(subject)_________, I now feel that the truthlovingly expressed is the best for us all.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of telling (name) __ that ____.


3. I feel ashamed to tell the truth.Examples:a. That I have not been faithful in our relationshipb. That I have sexual fantasies.c. That I am afraid to be alone.d. That I am angry about something.e. That I have made a mistake

A.1. Even though I am ashamed to tell _____(name) that (subject)_____________, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt ashamed totell _____ (name) that (subject)________, Inow feel that this truth will set me free and helpus create a more honest relationship.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisshame of telling (name) __ that ___.

C. Reminder Phrase = Ashamed of telling (name)____ that ______.

4. I fear getting hurt if I express the truth.Examples:a. The truth about what I do or need.b. How much I really need the other.c. My real feelings

A.1. Even though I fear getting hurt if I tell_____ (name) that (subject)____________, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared gettinghurt if I told _____ (name) that (subject)_____,I now express those truths and feel strong enoughto deal with any reactions.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of being hurt if I tell (name) ____ that______.


5. I fear that I will lose my self-worth.Examples:a. My mistakes or weaknesses.b. Anything I might have done that might not beaccepted by the other.e. That I love and need the other.

Numbers five, six and seven have common roots(self-worth) and thus we have united them.

6. My pride does not allow me to express thetruth.a. How much I admire the other.b. That the other is actually right and I am wrong.c. To ask for forgiveness when I feel the need.d. To admit weaknesses and fears.

7. My competitive nature does not allow me toexpress the truth. (Much the same as five and six)

A.1. Even though I fear losing my self-worth if Itell (admit to) __ (name) that (subject)_____, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared losingmy self-worth if I told (admitted to) _____(name) that (subject)_______, I now feel myself-worth within me and express those truths.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from thisfear of losing my self-worth if I tell (admit to)(name) ____ that ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of losing self worth if Itell (name) ____ that ______.

8. I feel uncomfortable expressing positivefeelings because:(Some possible reasons might be)a. It is not manly.b. It might go to the other’s head and he/shemight feel superior.c. The other might use that against me in a futureargument.b. I have not learned to do this.e. I am occupied with my problems.f. I feel competitive with the other and thus wantto be superior.g. I try to show how I feel with my actions notwords.


h. I sense that the other does not feel comfortablewhen I express positive feelings.

Some examples of positive communication wemight have difficulty with:

1. That I love you.2. That I respect and admire you.3. That you do many things very well.4. That I am grateful for all that you give

me.5. That I want you to be happy.6. That you make me happy.

A.1. Even though I feel uncomfortable expressingmy positive feelings and thoughts to (name)_____ because (reason) _________, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feltuncomfortable expressing my positive feelingsand thoughts to (name) _____ because (reason)____, I now feel that he/she deserves to hear thetruth.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromfeeling uncomfortable expressing my positivefeelings and thoughts to (name) _____ because(reason) _____________.

C. Reminder Phrase = Uncomfortable expressingmy positive feelings and thoughts to (name) ___because (reason) ___________.

Understanding Needs

We need to understand and communicate ourneeds. At the same time, it is important to be ableto listen, and if possible, respond to the other’sneeds.The following exercise in examining needs willhelp.

Some Needs We Might Have From TheOther

Mark your needs and add others you would like tobe respected or fulfilled in this relationship.

1. Love (or greater expression of it)2. Respect3. Understanding (of what?)4. Acceptance as we are5. Acknowledgement and affirmation6. Trust7. Freedom to think and function as we believeand in accordance with our needs

8. A peaceful environment9. Support and encouragement in the cultivationof our abilities and powers10. To be listened to without criticism or advice.11. Satisfaction with us.12. Inspiration13. To be just with us - to behave toward us as heor she would like us to behave toward him of her14. To agree with our beliefs and ideals or at leastaccept and respect them15. To express his or her true feelings, needs andbeliefs16. Freedom of movement17. To keep our agreements18. To have patience with our weaknesses19. To be supported during difficult moments20. To express gratitude for all we offer him or her21. To acknowledge our positive qualities22. To be able to be alone when we do not feelwell or when we have the need.23. To get out more often24. To get more rest25. To be given more help with the chores26. For greater attention when we speak27. To do more things together28. For greater responsibility on his or her part29. To be on time30. To receive more help and cooperation inkeeping order and cleanliness31. To be able to behave as we like in our home32. To take care of him/her self.

For romantic relationships:33. Affection and erotic contact34. To be sexually devoted to only us

Other_____________________________

Consider which needs might be behind thefollowing:

Your complainingYour criticismYour impatienceYour refusal to cooperateYour reactionsYour conflicts and argumentsThe games you playYour competitivenessYour teaching and sermonizingYour anger

Now place a special mark next to those needsthat in your perception are not being fulfilledenough in your relationship.


Having done so, seek to discover whether yourlesson is to:

1. Express these needs more dynamicallythrough I-messages.

2. Get free from the needs.

3. Get free from subconscious beliefs (fears,guilt) that prevent you from manifesting thisneed.

4. To change some behavior which prevents theother from feeling like responding to your need.

5. Some combination of the above.

According to what you find, then employ EFT foreach obstacle towards any of these four possiblelessons so that you can move forward.

According to your discoveries, make a plan forproceeding toward a happier reality.

Tuning into the other’s needs.Mark what you believe the other needs more offrom you:

1. Love (or greater expression of it)2. Respect3. Understanding (of what?)4. To accept them as they are5. Acknowledgement and affirmation6. Trust7. Freedom to think and function as they believeand in accordance with their needs8. A peaceful environment9. Support and encouragement in the cultivationof their abilities and powers10. To be listened to without criticism or advice11. To be satisfied with them12. To inspire them13. To be just with them – for us to behave towardthem as we would like them to behave toward us14. To agree with their beliefs and ideals or at leastaccept and respect them15. To express our true feelings, needs and beliefs16. Freedom of movement17. To keep our agreements18. To have patience with their weaknesses19. To be supportive during difficult moments20. To express gratitude for all that they offer us21. To acknowledge their positive qualities22. To be able to be alone when they do not feelwell or when they have the need23. To get out more often

24. To get more rest25. To receive more help with the chores26. To be given greater attention when they speak27. To do more things together28. For greater responsibility on our part29. To be on time30. To receive more help and cooperation inkeeping order and cleanliness31. To behave as they like in the home andelsewhere32. For us to take care of ourselvesFor romantic relationship partners33. Affection and erotic contact34. To be sexually devoted to only them

Other_____________________________

You might also want to consider whichneeds might be behind the other’s:ComplainingCriticismImpatienceRefusal to cooperateReactionsConflicts and argumentsGames he or she playsCompetitivenessTeaching and sermonizingAnger

Now place a special mark on the other’s needs thatyou consider to be the least satisfied byyourself in this relationship. Then considerpossible lessons:

1. To feel okay even if your loved one’s need isnot satisfied

2. To free yourself from any obstacles thatkeep you from satisfying your loved one’s needs

3. To communicate more effectively aboutthis through I-messages and active listening

4. To find practical solutions so both of youcan be happy

5. Some combination of the above

Once you have made your discoveries, moveforward to employing EFT for any emotions whichmight obstruct you from lovingly satisfying theother’s needs or getting free from guilt that he orshe is not satisfied. Also as mentioned above,work on any difficulties if communicating aboutthis is a problem.


What else can we do?

Given this situation, we can do the following tocreate a more loving and growth-conduciverelationship:

1. Take full responsibility for our reality.

2. Free the other from any responsibility for ourreality.

3. Perceive the other as our teacher and learnthrough both his or her positive and negativeattributes. Learn to emulate the positive, and tounderstand, accept and deal with the negative.

4. See what lessons we need to learn through theother’s behaviors that annoy us.

5. Learn to communicate more effectivelywith the other through I-messages and activelistening

6. Understand the other’s:a. Needs (such as: affection, love, approval,freedom, respect, unity) b. Beliefs (such as: I am in danger, I am notworthy, my freedom is in danger)

c. Reactions

7. Do not speak to others about our lovedone, but only directly to him or her (except, ofcourse, to a counselor).

8. Participate in groups for the purpose of self-knowledge and creating interpersonal harmony.

9. See a professional counselor together.

10. Participate in each other’s activities.

11. Express love and admiration such as:a. Gratitude for help and serviceb. Acknowledgment of what the other

doesc. Recognition of the other’s abilities,

qualities and virtuesd. Love and appreciation

12. Meet regularly for communication on alllevels. This is best done on a weekly basis.

13. Visualize the other in light and sendlove on a daily basis.

Some possible Emotions Concerning Communicationwhich we might need to work with.

1. I fear telling the truth because I do not want to hurt him/her.

2. I fear telling the truth because I do not want to get into a conflict.

3. I feel ashamed to tell the truth.

4. I fear getting hurt if I express the truth.

5. I fear that I will lose my self-worth.

6. My pride does not allow me to express the truth.

7. My competitive nature does not allow me to express the truth. (Much the same asfive and six)

8. I feel uncomfortable expressing positive feelings because:


Chapter Twenty-four

EFT and Obstacles toHarmonious Love Relationships

Although each gender tends to express itself quitedifferently, most philosophical teachings agreethat the soul is neither male nor female. As souls,we incarnate into a gender in order to learnthrough that experience. Through ourexperimentation with the various qualities of eachsex, we are seeking to experience our true wholeself.

Until we do eventually experience our innerfullness, we naturally seek to find completionexternally through a love partner.

This effort toward attunement with the oppositesex brings stability, joy, security and affirmation,but it is not without problems and challenges. Onemain challenge is being able to understand,respond to and find solutions for differences whenthey occur. We have already dealt with this subjectin the chapter on EFT and communication.

In addition to differing needs, men and womenhave different ways of and motives forcommunicating. Both, of course, usecommunication as a means to express needs, toprove they are right, and to establish their self-worth.

Studies have shown, however, that women usecommunication to create an emotionalconnection, thus the communication itself isthe purpose. Men seem to perceivecommunication as a means toward someresult, such as solving a problem.

Therefore, we often have the situation in which awoman will start a conversation about a subject,not because she wants a solution, but because sheexperiences a connection through thecommunication itself. The man however, feels thatcommunication has only one purpose - - to arriveat a conclusion or solution, after which there is noneed to communicate.

Thus, in general, women feel men are “aloof” andmen that women are “interrogators”.

This is especially true whenever a woman wants totalk about emotions. Men generally do not feelcomfortable talking about emotions. If they aretalking about the woman’s emotions, they arelikely to feel they are to blame and are beingcriticized since the woman is not happy. If awoman expresses an emotion, she usually wantsrecognition of the fact that she feels that way. Aman does not realize this and seeks, in the leastpossible amount of words, to convince her there isno reason for her to feel this way. He seeks asolution. She then loses her vehicle of connecting.

If the woman wants to talk about the man’semotions, the situation is even worse. First of all,in most cases, he does not know what hisemotions are. He has been trained for a wholelifetime not to feel, to hide and shut off hisemotions. Secondly, even if he has someawareness of what he feels, he feels totallydemeaned if he has to admit that he feels self-doubt or fear. Men, in general, do not like toadmit their fears or weaknesses.

These, of course, are generalizations, and thereare exceptions.

Women need to understand that when men arealoof or do not communicate their feelings andthoughts, it is often simply because they functiondifferently and not because they do not love theirlove partner. They experience unity, not so muchthrough words, but rather through actions, suchas working to make money and providing for thefamily.

Men, on the other hand, need to understand awoman’s need to generate feelings of unity andlove through verbal communication. Men need toacknowledge women’s feelings rather than findreasons why they shouldn’t have them.

Women’s Complaints About Men

Throughout thirty years of working with couplesand groups, I have observed the followingcomplaints women have about men. These


observations have been made in a Mediterraneansociety and may, of course, differ from yours.

1. They are not understanding enough.

2. They are not sensitive to feelings and needs.

3. They are not affectionate enough.

4. They tend to ignore sexual foreplay and arequick to ejaculate and lose their sexual interestbefore the woman is satisfied.

5. They do not communicate enough. They do notexpress their feelings and thoughts.

6. They do not pay enough attention to theirwives.

7. They do not spend enough time at home withthe children.

8. They do not help with order and cleanliness ofthe home.

9. They do not appreciate the work involved inkeeping up the home or in bearing and bringingup children, and do not compensate thiscontribution to family life .

10. They make decisions about work and lifewithout regarding the woman’s or the family’sneeds.

11. They are not monogamous and engage inextramarital relationships.

Men’s Complaints About Women

1. Women complain, criticize and nag too much.

2. They try to control and suppress men.

3. They are seldom happy.

4. They tend to withhold sex as a punishment or aform of blackmail.

5. They do not think logically, but emotionally.

6. Their emotions are not predictable and changequickly, especially due to hormones duringmenstruation, pregnancy or menopause.

7. They tend to gossip.

8. They also engage in extramarital relationships.

9. They are not home often enough (which forsome men means – “always”).

10. They are not taking enough care of the home.

Emotions which might obstruct our loverelationships

These differences and resulting confusion andconflicts are created by our childhoodprogramming about men, women and therelationships between them. Those messages werereceived through statements we had heard or, inmany cases, through observing our parents andother role models.

Some of our negative emotions, needs andbeliefs about relationships might be:

1. Fear of being alone in life. (Not a good reason tobe in a relationship)

2. Fear that my life has no purpose if I am not in alove relationship.

3. Self-doubt and fear of what others will think if Iam not in a relationship.

4. Fear of losing my freedom.

5. Need to compete for power and who is right.

6. Need to control others or fear of beingcontrolled.

7. Fear of being ourselves because we may not beloved.

8. Fear that the other might cheat on us.

9. Fear of abandonment.10. Insecure without the other.

11. Socially unacceptable without the other.

12. Need to prove I am right and the other iswrong.

13. Fear that I am not worthy of love.

14. Fear that I am not enough to keep the other.

15. Fear that if the other knows me well enough,he or she will not want to be with me.


16. Anger when the other does not do what wewant.

17. Injustice that the other is harming me.

18. Competitiveness for self-worth and who isright.

19. Fear of close relationships.

20. Fear of being hurt.

21. Jealous because the other is paying attentionto others.

22. Guilt or shame because we have not behavedcorrectly to the other.

23. Inferior because we do not know as much asthe other.

24. Rejection because the other does not affirm usor pay enough attention to us.

25. Hurt by the other’s actions.

26. Bitter because we are giving more thanreceiving.

27. Rejection towards the other for his or herbehavior.

28. Shame concerning the other’s behavior.

29. Guilt that the other is not well or happy or notsatisfied with us.

30. Suppressed by the other’s needs or controllingmeans.

31. Afraid of the other’s anger.

32. Angry because of something the other hasdone.

And many others.

We can imagine how such emotions willundermine our relationships.

EFT can be applied to any of these emotions in theways we have already demonstrated in this book.Make a list of those emotions that are obstructingyour positive feelings towards yourself andemploy EFT for each separately choosing theappropriate setup and reminder phrases.

For more on this issue please read T h ePsychology of Happiness and Relationshipsof Conscious Love by the same author.


Chapter Twenty -Five

Healing Childhood Experiences with EFT

EFT is an extremely powerful way to freeourselves from the emotional charge of childhoodevents and situations, whether traumatic or not.

Such “energy psychology” techniques are arevolution and a blessing, allowing us to defusechildhood experiences quickly and painlessly.

Often when working on present issues, we arelikely to be linked to childhood experiences, whichneed to be resolved before our presentsensitivities can be healed. Thus we need to beproficient at this process.

Note: Please refer to the message at the end ofthis chapter about precautions necessary whendealing with suppressed intensely chargedchildhood emotions.

The first step is to make a list of the emotions,beliefs or experiences, which need to be dealtwith. In order to help you with that, we have listedsome of the more common disturbing childhoodexperiences.

Possible Childhood Experiences

Following you will find a list of possible childhoodexperiences. Perhaps they may not have occurredexactly as described here, but they may have beensimilar.Also, they may remind you of something else.

These childhood experiences may have created amistaken, inferior image of ourselves, others andlife in general.

Wherever the questions refer to your parents orother persons in your childhood, think not only ofyour parents, but also of grandparents,stepmothers, stepfathers, uncles, aunts, brothersand sisters, cousins, teachers and other peoplewho existed in your life as a child and up to theage of 18.

Chose from these and any other experiences,which you believe may have caused you, as a child,to develop false beliefs or emotions around someissues.

Make a mark next to those you would like towork with.

For each experience, you will want to discover:

What emotions did you feel then as a child?What beliefs about yourself, others and life werecreated in your mind then as a child?What were your unfulfilled needs at that time?

1. Was there someone, who got angry with you,scolded you, rejected you or accused you? Whoand when?

2. Were there people who fought amongthemselves or rejected or hurt one another?Who and when?

3. Have you ever experienced the feeling ofabandonment (Perhaps because of the death orseparation of parents)? Were you ever left alone,or felt that others didn’t understand you (or weredistant – aloof), or that there was no support?When? By whom? How?

4 . Did you ever feel the need for moreaffection, tenderness or expression of love?From whom and when (during which periods)?

5. Were there persons in your environment whowere often ill or who spoke often of illness? Whoand when?

6 . Did you ever experience the feeling ofhumiliation in the presence of others or inconnection with others? In which cases?

7. Were you ever compared to others as towhether you were less or more capable or worthy?To whom, in which instances and in connectionwith which abilities or character traits?

8. Have you ever lost a loved one? Who andwhen?

9. Did anyone ever approach you sexuallywithout your consent?


10. Were you ever aware of your parents oranyone else making love? Who and when? Howdid you feel and what did you think?

11. Did your parents ever state that you were theonly reason they continued staying together andthat that had been a big sacrifice on their part? Or,did they ever tell you they have sacrificed agreat deal for your sake, and that you areindebted to them? Who? When? About whatmatters? What exactly do you owe them?

12. Did they ever accuse you of being the causefor their unhappiness or illness or problems?Who accused you and about what exactly? Whatdid they mean that it was your fault? What doesthis fact mean to you? According to them whatshould you have done?

13. Did they ever tell you that you are not goingto achieve anything in your life, that you arelazy or incapable, or dumb? Who, when andconcerning what matters?

14. Were you ever caught playing with yourgenitals (alone or with others) and did anyonemake you feel guilty for that? Who? When? Whatwas their message?

15. Did they often speak about guilt andpunishment (from some person - parent, policeor God)? Who? When? About what types of guiltand what types of punishment?

1 6 . Did any teacher ever make you feelhumiliated in front of other children? When?How? Concerning what?

17. In the company of other children, did you everfeel rejected or inferior? By whom, andinferior by what criteria?

1 8 . Were you ever told that you wereresponsible for your siblings or for others ingeneral, and that whatever happens to them isyour responsibility? Who told you this? Aboutwhom? Concerning what matters were youresponsible?

19. Were you ever made to understand in someway (negatively or positively) that, in order forsomeone to be acceptable and lovable, onemust:a. Be better than the others?b. Be first at everything?c. Be perfect, without faults?d. Be intelligent and clever?e. Be handsome / beautiful?

f. Have perfect order and cleanliness at home?g. Have great success in his/her love life?h. Have financial and social success?i. Be accepted by everyone?j. Be active in many ways? Achieve many things?k. Always satisfy the needs of others?l. Never say “no” to others?m. Not express his/her needs?

20. Did anyone ever make you understand insome way that you are incapable of thinking,making decisions or achieving things by yourself,and that you will always need to listen to adviceand depend on others? Who passed on thismessage to you? Which matters are yousupposedly “incapable” of making decisions aboutor handling properly?

21. Did you ever have role models (parents,older siblings or others) who were, or still are,very dynamic and competent so that you felt:a. The need to be like them?b. The need to prove your worth; to reach or evensurpass these models?c. Despair, self-rejection, abandonment of effort,perhaps self-destructive (possibly subconscious)tendencies because you believed you could nevermeasure up to them?

22. Has there ever been someone in youre n v i r o n m e n t w i t h u n e x p e c t e d ,unpredictable, nervous or evenschizophrenic behavior (possibly an alcoholicor drug addict) so that you might not know whatto expect from him or her? Has there beenviolence (physical or psychological)? By whomand what was the behavior like?

23. Have you felt rejected or ashamed of oneor both of your parents? Why?

24. Did you ever make the discovery that one ofyour parents has had an extra-marital affair?When and under what circumstances? How didyou feel about that?

25. Did they speak to you often about “God thepunisher”?

26. Did you ever feel that they told you onething but did another, that there was noconsistency between their words and actions, thatthey had a double standard, one for themselvesand another for the others, or that they werehypocrites, false and not true? Who and when?Concerning what topics?


27. Upon what was your parents’ securitybased? a) money?, b) the opinion of others? c)education? d) personal power? e) the unity of thefamily? f) property? g) his or her spouse? h)other?

28. Were you a spoiled child that always hadwhatever you wanted and to whom no one everrefused a favor? If so, what effect did that haveon you?

29. Did they suppress your freedom ofmovement and expression? Did they force you todo things you did not want to do? (study, visits,dress). Did they forbid you to do things youwanted to do? What were you forced to do orprevented from doing?

30. (For Women) Were you ever made to feelthat since you are a girl:a. You are worth less than a man?b. You are not safe without a man?c. Sex is dirty (a sin)?d. In order to be socially acceptable you must getmarried?e. You are less competent than men are?f. Your only mission is to serve others?g. You must not express your needs, feelings oropinions?h. You must submit yourself to your husband?i. You must be beautiful to be acceptable?

31. (For Men) Were you ever made to feelthat since you are a boy:a. You must be strong?b. You must be superior, more competent,stronger and more intelligent than your wife?c. Your worth is measured according to yoursexual prowess?d. Your worth is measured according to yourprofessional (financial) success?e. You must compare yourself with other men?

Possible Mistaken Childhood Conclusions

As children we tend to make many falseconclusions about reality, usually burdeningourselves with the responsibility for everything,including our parents’ anger, absence,abandonment, unhappiness, illness, separation,death, etc.

We tend to conclude that there is somethingwrong with us and that we are not good and donot deserve the health, happiness, love andattention we need.

Some possible false beliefs might be:

1. I must be like the others in order for them toaccept me.2. If they do not love and accept me, I am not safe.3. If others do not accept me, I am not worthy.4. I must be “right” in order to be worthy and forthem to love me.5. I must be perfect in order for others to acceptme and love me.6. I must be better than others in order to beworthy.7. I must have _____________ in order to besafe.8. I must have _____ in order to worthy.9. I must achieve ________in order to beworthy.10. I must be loved and accepted by those close tome in order to be happy.11. In order to feel worthy, I must be able andsuccessful.12. My happiness is not in my own hands. I amthe victim of external factors.

13. My self-worth is dependent on:a. What others think of me.b. The results of my efforts.c. My appearanced. My money and fortune.e. My knowledgef. How I compare to others.g. If I am married.h. My professional position.Other __________

14. I am safe only if I have:a. spouseb. Moneyc. Specific persons in my lifed. The others’ approvale. Other ________

15. I am responsible for others’ reality, (Theirhealth, safety, happiness, success, and satisfaction16. Others are responsible for my reality and howI feel.17. I am not a good person.

Working with Childhood Experiences withEFT

Α. Make a list of the events, situations, beliefsor emotions which you would like to free yourselffrom.

Note: EFT works better on emotions we can feelrather than on beliefs, thus in each of cases youchoose to work with, it will be more effective to


work with the emotions created by that event,situation or belief. If you cannot locate or feel theemotion, then work with the belief or “thisfeeling.”

1. _____________________________2. ______________________________3. _____________________________

B. Now, for each experience, seek toanswer the following questions.

What are the various aspects of thisexperience? (Think of specific actions, stances,words, attitudes, images, sounds, and scenes.)

As suggested by Gary Craig (www.emofree.com),it may help to talk or write about this experiencedescribing in detail exactly what happened.

Every time you sense any feelings about what youare speaking or writing about, you can either workon it directly or note it down on paper in order towork on it later.

In this way you are making a list of aspects ofeach experience that may be creating thedisturbed energy field which is creating theemotions you would like to become free from.

2. Now for each aspect of each experiencewe will need to determine, to the best ofour ability, what emotions we were or arefeeling and what the SUD emotional chargeis.

There may very well be a number of simultaneousemotions such as hurt, fear, guilt, injustice andanger. We will need to deal with the one that ismost intense and then with the others as theycome to the surface.

3. Chose an aspect and specific emotion that youwould like to begin with.4. Now we are ready to employ EFT on thisemotion or aspect. As we remove this, it is likelythat other emotions and aspects will come to thesurface to be discharged.

1. The Set Up for the primary emotionwhich we are feeling:

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _____when I think of (the childhood event orsituation)__, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) ______ as a child when I thought

about (the childhood event or situation)_____, Inow deeply and profoundly love myself.A.3. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) ___ as a child when I thought about(the childhood event or situation)____, I nowexperience my inner security and self-worth.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ____because (the event) ___________.

2. Secondary Emotions

If there is any guilt, shame or other feelings abouthaving the above-mentioned emotions, then thosefeelings will also need to be dealt with in the sameway.

A.1. Even though I feel (emotions such as guilt,shame, self-rejection, or anger) __________because I feel (primary emotion)_____ about(childhood experience) __________, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotionssuch as guilt, shame, self-rejection, or anger)________ because until now I have felt (primaryemotion)_____ about (childhood experience)__________, I now understand myself, myfeelings and my reactions.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The Emotion) ____because (of the emotion we are witnessingourselves feeling) ___________

3. Resistance

If there is any resistance towards letting go ofthose emotions, then that resistance will also needto be removed in the same way. Consider some ofthe possible types of resistance. We need to workon each possible resistance separately.

Possible Beliefs which might causeresistance towards letting go of these emotions.

(Psychological Reversal)

1. I have felt this way a long time and do not knowwhat it will be like to be without this emotion. Itwill be like losing an important part of myself or


my life. (We have become attached or addicted tofeeling this way.)2. I believe that I need this emotion in order toprotect myself from others. (Possibly anger,depression, injustice or pain.)

3. I will lose my power or control over others.(Perhaps anger, depression, dissatisfaction.)

4. I will lose others’ attention if I do not have thisemotion.

5. I will lose my self-worth if I do not feel this way.(Especially feeling like the victim, a role we play tocreate feelings of goodness, righteousness or self-worth)

6. If I allow others to be free from feeling guilty orresponsible about me, I will lose control overthem.

7. I will need to take responsibility for my life.

8. I must feel guilty in order to be a good person.If I stop feeling guilty or responsible I will not be agood person.

9. I will need to be happy - something whichscares me.

10. I will have to recognize my self-worth - whichalso scares me.

In such cases of inner obstacles, we can usethe following phrases:

A.1. Even though I fear letting go of this emotionbecause _____ (resistance) ______, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have feared lettinggo of this emotion because _____ (resistance)________________, I now realize that it ismuch better for me to let it go.

Note: If we sense we have some resistance but donot know what it is then we can just say:

A.3. “Even though I seem to have some resistancetowards letting go of this emotion, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.”

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(fear or resistance) ________.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion orresistance) _________.

4. Embodied emotions

If we find that these emotions are manifesting asphysical symptoms either in general or during theprocess of employing EFT, then we might need toaddress them for a few rounds in the followingway.

A . 1 . Even though I have this (physicalphenomenon) ____________ in my (part ofbody) ___________, I deeply and profoundlylove myself.

A.1. Even though until now I have had this(physical phenomenon) ____________ in my(part of body) ___________, I am now totallyfree from it.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept)to be free from this (physical phenomenon)______ in my (part of body)_____.

C. Reminder Phrase = (Physical phenomenon)______ in my (part of body) _______.

Possible Messages from usto our Inner Child

Any of these could be used in conjunction withEFT or any forms of subconsciousreprogramming.

1. I love you and accept you exactly as you are.

2. I appreciate you and respect you.

3. I feel affection and tenderness for you.

4. You are free to do what you like, provided youare not hurting anybody.

5. You are capable and strong.

6. There is an infinite spiritual power within you,which protects you from illness, events anddangers.

7. Your body is healthy and strong and resistant toillness.

8. You live in a wise divine plan which brings toyou only what is useful for your development.

9. You selected your parents and the events ofyour childhood and thus you created the perfectconditions for your development.


10. There is a Divine Power, which guides youfrom within.

11. There is within you an all-wise voice that leadsyou correctly in your life. Follow it.

12. You have the right and the responsibility toexpress your inner strength and beauty creatively.

13. You deserve love and respect from everyone,regardless of your appearance, social position,profession, knowledge, achievements and whatothers think of you.14. Your self-worth is the same as that of everyother soul, no more no less.

15. No one else can create or be responsible foryour happiness, health or success.

16. You can help others, but you cannot create orassume responsibility for their happiness, healthor success.

17. You are an eternal, divine consciousness in theprocess of developing the ability to express thebeauty that exists within you.

18. Everything is Divine. Every single thing onthis planet is an expression of the one universalconsciousness - you are no exception

19. It is not necessary to live your life according tothe convictions or expectations of your parents orothers. Love, respect and help them, but liveaccording to your principles, needs andconvictions.

20. Your parents are two eternal souls in aprocess of evolution who you selected to playthese roles in this incarnation. Your only realparent is God.

21. You have the same worth, wisdom, strength,and rights as the two eternal souls who played therole of your parents.

22. Whatever others did to harm you was out ofignorance or fear.

23. Your parents were once children who wereprogrammed by their parents.

Important Note:

Some of us may have emotionally chargedmemories stored in our subconscious. We need torelease these from our energy system in order to

create health, happiness, peace, clarity, evolutionand harmonious relationships. Working withthem, in some cases, may temporarily bring to thesurface some unpleasant or disturbing feelings.We are, of course, experiencing these negativeenergies subconsciously and psychosomaticallyanyway.

Not dealing with them would be like knowingthere is a fire in our cellar and refusing to go downand put it out because that would be unpleasantand we would get temporarily dirty. But thatunattended fire will soon find its way to ourbedroom and living room and our whole house.So denial and avoidance are not the solution.

Some guidelines for proceeding would be:

1. If you are going to work with your childhoodexperiences or any other intense emotions andespecially depression, you should have anexperienced guide for this work. Someonewhom you trust and have access to if you needhelp.

Do not do such work immediately beforesleeping, driving or important meetings.

Thanks to Gary Craig’s work with this, you canwork “Hypothetically” and then directly withthe charged experience.

First without closing your eyes or in any waytrying to relive your negative experience, askyourself, “ IF I were to come into experiential andemotional contact with this memory, howdisturbed would I feel?” So here you take an“Hypothetical SUD”.

Then employ as many rounds of Hypothetical EFTas you need to get the Hypothetical SUD to 3 orless.

Now actually close your eyes and seek toremember the event as vividly as you can and seewhere your real SUD is and continue to employEFT on the emotions you have when in directemotional contact with the event.

Continue to work with any other aspects, whichmight come up.

Our experience is that having worked with theHypothetical SUD for a number of rounds we haveactually corrected to a great degree the actualenergy field. Thus we have an almost painless wayof getting from these inner obstacles to health,peace, happiness and success.


Working with Childhood experiences with EFT

1. Make a list of the events, situations, beliefs or emotions which you would like tofree yourself from.

2. Now, for each experience, seek to understand the emotions you had then.

3. Now for each aspect of each experience we will need to determine, to thebest of our ability, what emotions we were or are feeling and what the SUDemotional charge is.

4. Chose an aspect and specific emotion that you would like to begin with.

4. Now we are ready to employ EFT on this emotion or aspect. As we remove this, it islikely that other emotions and aspects will come to the surface to be discharged.

1. We start with the primary emotion that we are feeling.

Then we might need to move on to:

2. Secondary Emotions

3. Resistance

5. Embodied emotions

We deserve a happy and healthy life.


Chapter Twenty-six

EFT FOR INNER CONFLICTS

Techniques for Reconciling Personas or “Sub-Personalities”

We occasionally experience internally conflictingneeds, desires or beliefs. With such innerconflicts, when our "sub-personalities" or"personas" have conflicting needs, we are not surewhat to do or which decision to make.Some examples of those conflicts are listed below.As you read through them, consider whether ornot you have any similar conflicts.

Some Sample Conflicts

Let us look at some examples of the inner conflictsthat may disturb our peace.

1. One part of ourselves may feel we need to spendmore time on our professional life whileanother part may believe we should spend moretime with our family.

2. A part of ourselves may want to open up to aconscious love relationship, while another partfears being abandoned, hurt, suppressed,manipulated, or being unable to be ourselves inthat relationship.

3. One part of ourselves may want to give thosearound us (children, spouses, friends) totalfreedom to pursue their happiness in their ownways, while another part fears losing control.

4. The part of ourselves that wants to pleaseothers may come into direct conflict with ourdesire to satisfy our own needs.

5. Part of ourselves may want others to supportus, while the other feels restricted by theirsupport or advice.

6. One part of ourselves may want spiritualgrowth, while another may feel the need formaterial security.7. One part of ourselves may want to help lovedones and friends, but the other may feel thatperhaps we are doing them harm by continuouslybailing them out and not letting them solve theirown problems.

8. One part of ourselves may feel a need toprotect the planet by living a simple life withvery little consumption of energy and products,while another part may want to enjoy all thecomforts of an energy consuming, pollutionproducing lifestyle.

9. One part of ourselves may want to take a newjob or leave a job that we have, while another partwants the opposite for different reasons.

1 0 . One part of ourselves may believe incooperating with others, while another findsthat difficult.

11. One part of ourselves may have a desire forvarious objects or situations as a source ofpleasure, while another part may feel, this is asin, or that we are not spiritual if we partake ofsuch pleasures. It may feel this type of pleasureseeking is a waste of time and e n e r g yconsidering our spiritual goals.

12. One part of ourselves may feel the need tohave an exclusive relationship in which ourhappiness and security depend upon anotherperson (usually a mate). Another part may findthis an obstacle toward its need forindependence, self-sufficiency, and freedom.

13. Our need for personal love may conflict withour need to develop universal love.

14. Our need to forgive may conflict with ourneed to hold on to negative feelings towardsomeone.15. Our need to employ various disciplines mayconflict with our need to feel free to do whateverwe please whenever we choose.

16. Our need to follow our inner voice mayconflict with our need to be like others and beaccepted by them.


17. Our need to express our feelings as theyare may conflict with our need not to hurtanyone.

18. Our need to express our real feelings andthoughts might clash with our need to have theothers’ acceptance.

19. Our need to follow a spiritual guide mightconflict with our need to rebel against all types ofadvice or control.

20. O u r need to control persons andsituations in order to feel secure may conflict withour need to let things flow and allow others toact freely.

21. Our need never to show weakness mayconflict with our need to share our weaknesseswith others or seek their help.

22. Our desire not to ask anything from othersmay conflict with our need to have their help andsupport.

23. Our need for a stable routine for ourbalance and growth may conflict with our need forvariety and change.

24. Our need to play our familiar emotionalrelationship games may conflict with ourdesire to free ourselves from them.

25. One part of us wants to face and overcomeour fears and blockages while another prefers toavoid and ignore them.

There are certainly conflicts that we haven’tmentioned but most will fall into these categories.

How these Personas are Created

Our various emotional survival mechanismscan lead to the development of diverse personasor sub-personalities within our personalitystructure (we are not talking here about clinicalillness such as multiple personality syndrome).In response to early childhood experiences wedevelop various inner emotional responses in aneffort to maintain our feelings of security, self-worth, power and freedom. These then grow intheir own separate ways, manifesting as parts ofour personality that have their own personalbeliefs, logic and identity and power. We mightcall these roles "personas," or "sub-personalities."Throughout this discussion we will refer to themas personas.

Each persona has it own core belief that createsand sustains its existence in our larger identity.This core belief will coincide with our need forsecurity, pleasure, affirmation or freedom, or in afew special cases, other less common needs, suchas the need to be useful, or to acquire self-knowledge or enlightenment. In some cases, ourbasic needs may be distorted and work in conflictwith survival or growth, as for example, with theneed to harm ourselves or others.

In most cases, however, these personas arecreated by our needs to establish our safety, self-worth and freedom, usually through other personsor possessions. (For a more detailed explanationof this process see The Psychology of Happiness.)

What We Can Do About Inner Conflicts

1. We first need to get to know andunderstand these various parts of ourselves bykeeping a daily diary in which we refer to themby names that represent their particular qualitiesneeds or emotions.

2. We can keep a separate page for eachpersona in which we list its particular needs,desires, fears, emotions, reactions and beliefs.

3. We then need to discover for each persona thecore belief that creates, sustains and drives it.

4. We must accept each persona as a naturaldevelopment in our evolution process. Regardlessof whether it is or is not necessary or beneficial forour present condition, at some point, it servedsome purpose in our search for security, self-worth, freedom and equilibrium.We can perceive each persona as one of ourchildren, whom we accept and love regardless ofits immaturity. Our purpose is to now educate thatpersona and help it to manifest its higherpotential.

5. We can then allow each persona toexpress itself in its own unique way throughdance, writing, drawing, work, etc.

6. We then move on to let them communicatebetween themselves. a. By writing a dialogue like a one act play inwhich they communicate back and forthexpressing: complaints, needs, feelings,beliefs, as well as questions which theyhave for each other.In this conversation questions are asked and thenanswered by the other party, or perhaps


arguments or accusations made on the one part tobe rebutted by the other. Attempts are made byeach part to get what it needs from the other.The ultimate purpose is to create an atmosphereof communication, understanding andcooperation between these two personas withconflicting needs. b. The same process can then be done verballyas described below.

(For a more detailed explanation of thisdialoguing process refer to the Psychology ofHappiness)

Employing EFT on Each Sub-PersonalityIndividually

Attention: If this work becomes disturbing orconfusing, it is best done with the help of a EFTprofessional experienced in this type of analysis,dialoguing and psychodrama.

Before moving on to perform the EFT, it would bebeneficial to fill out the following questionnairewhich will help us establish a clearerunderstanding of which personas we want toreconcile and what their real needs, emotions andbeliefs are.

Analyzing our Conflicting Personas

Now separately, for each conflicting part ofyourself, answer the following questions.

For Part "A", which I have named ________

1. Its has the following needs, desires andattachments __________________

2. When its needs are not fulfilled, it has thefollowing emotions: ________________

3. It has the following feelings ______towards“Part “B” which I have named _________.

4. Toward the part of me labeled "A " andnamed _______, I personally experience thefollowing feelings.___________________

Now for the other part of ourselves

For Part "B", which I have named ______

1. Its has the following needs, desires andattachments ____________________

2. When its needs are not fulfilled, it has thefollowing emotions: ________________

3. It has the following feelings ____towards“Part “A” which I have named _____.

Toward the part of me labeled "B" and named______, I personally experience the followingfeelings.__________________________

Having established this information, we are nowready to employ EFT for the following.

a. The emotions which each part has when itdoes not get what it wants, or fears not gettingwhat it wants.

The emotions which each persona has towardsthe other parts of ourselves.

The emotions which we have towards eachpart.

Let us take a few examples.

Lose Weight orEat What and As Much As I Want?

Say one part of use wants to lose weight or createa healthier body and the other wants to eatwhatever and whenever it likes.

Let us call part A, “health conscious” and part B,“pleasure seeking”.

So we try to answer the above questions.1. About what part ¨”A” – The HealthConscious one feels:

Some answers might be:

a. Shame or self-rejection because of extraweight.b. Self-rejection because of lack of discipline.c. Helplessness because I cannot succeed.d. Fear of illness.e. Anger at those who remind me of my problem.f. Anger at the part of myself that refuses to bedisciplined.g. Fear of what others think about me.h. Jealous of others because they have betterappearance or more discipline than I do.i. Disillusionment or depression because I havetried so much without success.


We would then employ EFT on each of theseemotions and any others, which surfaced whileworking.

While correcting for psychological reversal we canexpress the setting up phrase as “I” or as “this partof myself” or even referring to the “name” of thatpart. (“Even though my food lover feels ______”or “Even though my part concerned with myappearance” feels ______.)

Here we will be using ¨I” but you can feel free touse words such asa. This part of me, orb. My subconscious orc. My _____ persona,d. My inner childas you like.

So our phrases might be something like this.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______(perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt,unworthy, belittled, demeaned) because amoverweight, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______(perhaps guilt, shame, self-rejection, self-doubt,unworthy, belittled, demeaned) because I amunable to discipline my eating, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.3. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) __________because I have been untilnow unable to discipline my eating, I am joyfullydoing so now.B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotion) ______.

Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) when / because_____ (reason) ________.

In this way we free the Body Conscious part fromall of its negative emotions so that it has greaterclarity on this issue and can make more objectivechoices.

2. Then we do the same for part “B”, thePleasure Seeker.

What feelings might it have when it does not getwhat it wants?

Some possibilities are:

Suppressed when I cannot eat as much as I like.Anxiety when I do not get my “dose”.

Sadness because I do not have my source ofhappiness and comfort.Anger at those who suppress me.Self-destruction so that I can keep eating.Fear of being controlled.Fear of not having pleasure – joy.Jealousy towards those who can eat whatever theylike.Depression because there is no joy without food.

We would then employ EFT on each of theseemotions and any others, which surfaced whileworking.

So our phrases might be something like this.

A.1. Even though I feel (the emotion) _______when I cannot eat whatever I like, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (theemotion) _______ when I could not eatwhatever I would like to, I now really enjoy eatingwhat is in my best interest.


C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) when /because _____ (reason)

In this way we can work with any inner conflict.We simply need to understand the emotions,which each part has when it does not get, orthinks of not getting what it needs, desires orwants.

At all times keep in mind other aspects such asdeeper needs and feelings as well as childhoodexperiences, which may come up. Work with themand then return to the original issues until bothparts of yourself are free to reconcile with eachother without fear and other negative emotions.

Try to be objective and not reject one or the otherpart of yourself.A few more examples.

Be in a Conscious Love Relationshipor Be Alone

1. The part that wants to be in therelationship may feel the following emotionswhen that need is not fulfilled.

Loneliness because there is no one to be intimatewith.


Frustration because of lack of intimate physicalcontact.Injustice because we are alone.Unhappy without the pleasure of a love partner.Alienated from the others, because they aretogether.Jealousy towards those who have happyrelationships.

The part that prefers not to be committedto a love relationship may feel the following whenthat need is intimidated.a. Fear of losing our freedomb. Fear of being hurt.c. Fear of being abandoned.d. Fear that the other knows us well, she/he willnot want to be with us.Fear of being vulnerable.

Stay in My Present Job or Change It

1. The part which wants to stay in ourpresent job might feel the following emotionswhen it thinks about leaving

a. Insecurity whether we will make it financially.b. Fear that we will not find what we want.c. Fear that we might regret doing this.d. Fear of how others will perceive us if wedo not succeed in our new effort.e. Fear of making a mistake

2. The part which would like to move on toanother job might feel some of the followingemotions when it thinks about staying indefinitelyat our present job.

a. Boredom and lack of interest.b. Suppression that we have to do somethingwhich does not fulfill us anymore.c. Injustice that we cannot do what we really wantto do with out lives.d. Self-rejection because we do not have the “guts”to leave.e. Jealousy towards those who have jobs whichthey love.f. Anger with those who in some way are“preventing” us from leaving.

When we work with inner conflicts in this way, wefree each part of ourselves from our conflictingemotions and natural healthy solutions will floweffortlessly to the surface.

The information below might be useful.

An Abbreviated List of Some BasicPersonas

Here we supply you with a short list of roles orpersonas and their core beliefs. We have groupedthe personas under various names. Perhaps, insome cases, only one or two of the names might beapplicable.

1. The Good, Righteous, Spiritual Person a. I am worthy and safe if I am (or appear to be)good, righteous or spiritual.

2. The Perfect, Capable, Strong Person a. I am worthy and safe if I am (or appear to be)perfect, strong or capable.

3. The Victim, Abused, Unjustly Persecuted a. Others create my reality; they are to blame formy situation. b. The wronged person is right and worthybecause the wrongdoer is wrong and evil. c. I am not worthy of something better than this.

4. The Weak, Incapable, Fearful,Dependent, Child a. I am not capable of coping with life by myself. b. Life is difficult.

5. The Guilty, Sinner, Bad, Unworthy a. I am guilty, unworthy, evil, a sinner.b. I do not deserve love, acceptance or help fromothers or God. c. I am in danger (without protection, vulnerableto punishment)

6. The Parent, Teacher, Savior,Responsible for others and everythinga. I am responsible for others’ reality, includingtheir happiness, health, security, success, wellbeing.b. Others cannot proceed or take care ofthemselves without me. c. If others are not well, I am to blame and havefailed.

7. The Rebel, Reactionary, Challenger,Competitor a. My freedom is in danger. b. I must fight for my freedom, safety or self-worth. c. I actually need others.

8. The Intelligent, Informed, Superior,Counselor a. He who knows more is superior.b. If I show them that I know more than they do,they will love me and I will be worthy and safe.


9. The Indifferent, Irresponsible, Free-Moving, Disruptive, Insensitive, Lazya. Whoever has responsibilities and / or does notfulfill them is in danger. b. I will suffer or fail if I take on responsibilities.

10. The Intimidator, General, Dictator,Aggressor, Abuser a. My safety and / or self worth are in danger. b. I must protect myself and others in the battleof life. c. Power and aggression are the solutions.

11. The Interrogator, Critic, Mr. Right a. I am worthy when others are wrong. b. Others must answer my questions. c. My self worth depends upon my being rightand others being wrong.

12. The Aloof, Distant, Loner, Silent One a. I can protect myself from others by notemotionally interacting with them. b. I am worthy when others seek my attention.

11. The Spouse, Husband, Wife a. My self worth is dependent upon how well Iam accepted and recognized in the role of thespouse. b. I must be accepted as a spouse in order to beworthy and safe.

12. The Woman, Man a. My self-worth is measured by how much I amaccepted in the role of a woman/man. b. My self worth is decided by how much I amrespected and desired by the opposite sex.

Any particular person may, however, in his/herself-analysis break these major roles into a widevariety of parts, which differ in numerous ways.

We can see that there are various ways ofunderstanding and labeling these personas. It isnot so important what we name them, but that werecognize their existence and then learn toidentify them, understand them, accept them andgradually help them to function harmoniouslywithin us.

The Spiritual and Material Ego

Many of our conflicts have to do with the differingneeds between our "spiritual" personas and our"material" personas. We place these words inquotation marks because all personas live inignorance, and thus are all material. The so-called

"spiritual" personas are trying to be spiritual, orin some cases, only to appear spiritual.

One part of ourselves wants to improve ourcharacter and lifestyle, and proceed spiritually,while the other might prefer to remain in thefamiliar, conditioned types of behavior andactivities where it finds security, pleasure andaffirmation. Let’s call the first part the spiritualego and the second the material ego. We wantthese two to meet, to open up to each other andbecome one.

We do not intend to imply that the spiritual ego ishigher or better than the material ego. In somecases, the opposite may be true, as the spiritualego might be simply seeking security, pleasureand affirmation in other ways. The spiritual egomay occasionally be even more afraid of orattached to persons and situations than thematerial ego; however, this is not always the case.

Conflicts Between the Spiritualand Material Personas

The spiritual ego feels the conflict most intensely(if we didn’t desire spiritual growth or self-improvement we would not have a conflict) andusually creates feelings of self-rejection, failureand guilt when we are unable to satisfy its need tofeel that it is "spiritual" and "worthy."

Also, when we do not feel worthy, we do not feelsafe. This occurs because many of us areprogrammed to believe whoever is not "good" orworthy in God’s eyes is not safe, as he does not"deserve" God’s love and protection. Makingmatters worse is the fact that we might also beprogrammed to feel we deserve punishment.

Obviously, these are not the highest reasons towant to improve ourselves. They are, in fact,rather selfish motives. If we want to change toensure our safety, or so others will accept us, weare simply replacing the material ego with thespiritual ego. Nothing has really changed. In somecases, our need to fulfill these spiritual"requirements" for our self-acceptance has to dowith our need to feel we are more spiritual thanothers. Thus, we simply replace the need foraffirmation and superiority on a material levelwith the same need on the spiritual level.

It is important to realize that our self-worth is permanent and divine. We cannotbe worth more or less in God’s eyes. We are divineconsciousness itself in the process of evolving ourability to express our divinity on the material


planes. Our inherent spiritual value is not changedby our actions or spiritual growth. What ischanged is our ability to express those valuesmentally, emotionally and physically.

Trying to be a better person because we believe itwill encourage God to love us more is also aninsufficient motive for growth.

Desiring to become a clearer channel fordivine energies of love, peace, harmony,justice and happiness is a much bettermotive. Seeking to purify ourselves so we canexperience that Divine Consciousness in everybeing and event that we encounter, is a usefulmotive. Seeking to remove all mental, emotionaland physical obstacles so that we can cultivatepure love, simplicity and selflessness is alsouseful.

Such motives are free from the game of who isspiritual and who is not, or who is more spiritual,or who is good and who is bad, and whom Godloves and whom God does not love. They arebased on the presumption that God is a muchhigher type of consciousness, and thus isincapable of not loving anyone no matter whatthat person might ever do. This seems only logicalsince the Divine Being has asked us, merehumans, to love even our enemies and those whoignore and harm us. Is it possible then that theDivine Being is incapable of doing so?

This type of thinking also removes us from thegame of spiritual pride in which we feel that we

are higher, more important, or more favored byGod than others. It also frees us from feeling weare lower, less important or less favored by Godthan others.

The material ego, on the other hand, tends toreact in such situations to the rejection andpressure it receives from the spiritual ego byrebelling and sabotaging its various efforts towarddiscipline, self-control and self-improvement.Thus, the more we pressure ourselves, the moreour material ego reacts and rebels. In such cases,we experience instability in our spiritual or self-improvement efforts. In these cases, we usuallyplay the roles of parent and child with our ownselves. The parent in us rejects the child in us fornot being a "good child," and the child then reactsso as to undermine the parents’ effort towardcontrol.

In order to move more effectively toward our goalof happiness or spiritual transformation, theseinner conflicts must be dealt with in a moremature manner. Rather than communicatingwithin ourselves as child and parent, it would bemore useful to develop a mature adult to adultsystem of conversation or dialogue.

EFT offers us the opportunity to do so.

I remind you that this inner conflict work canoften be confusing and that you might benefitform seeking professional help in this process.


Chapter Twenty-seven

EFT & Finding Our Life Purpose

The famous psychiatrist Victor Frankl was abeliever in «Logo therapy». (From the two Greekwords "logos" – reason and "therapeia" - therapy).He believed that if a person could find a reason tolive, a meaning to his or her life, then he or shewould have a reason to be well and come intoharmony.

Many of us are discontented with our work and/orour lifestyle, but few of us can identify what it iswe really want. Fewer still have the courage tomake the changes necessary to find happiness andfulfillment.

Although most of us live with comforts only kingsenjoyed hundreds of years ago, statistics showthat increasingly more people experiencedisillusionment and depression. We might havemoney and material security, but we lack a senseof meaning in our professional and social lives.

I, for one, experienced such a crisis at the age oftwenty-four. I had worked for two years as achemical engineer in a large industrial chemicalplant. I had everything society had convinced me Ineeded to be happy. But I was completelymiserable.

I decided to find a more meaningful occupation.This is not to say that such a job could not bemeaningful to someone else. This professionobviously offers much to society and is interestingand fulfilling for many. It simply was not what Ipersonally had come to do on this earth. Whatmay be the perfect role for one person maybe boring and meaningless for another.

Each of us has incarnated to play a specific role inthis theater of life. When we find our special roleand play it with all our heart, we experiencecontentment and happiness.

We all know within us exactly what we haveincarnated to do. Many are actually involved withtheir life purpose. Some, however, do not feel thatsense of fulfillment and satisfaction with whatthey are doing. If you are one of those, then thischapter is for you.

As in other forms of employment of EFT, ourpremise is that our true nature is harmony,wisdom and love and that the only reason we arenot experiencing those is because of the emotionalstatic which caused by the disturbed energy fields.Once those are removed, then we will know clearlywhat we want to do and methodically manifest allnecessary changes in our lives.

A. Questions for Connectingwith Our Inner Voice

Before we move on to discuss possible obstaclesand how to employ EFT on them, you might wantto benefit from this questionnaire which will helpyou connect to your own inner ideals and interestsmore clearly.

The following questions may help us find our lifepurpose.

When you were a child, which were the activities,hobbies, interests, and ideals that were mostimportant to you?a. Before 9 years old b. between 9 and 12c. 13 to 15 d. 15 to 18 e. 19 to 21 f. 21 to 25

2. If you were told that you would die in 5years, and that you would be healthy and activeuntil that moment, how would you live thefollowing aspects of your life?a. Familyb. Workc. Personal timed. Social lifee. Spiritual life

3. If you could give three messages to thepeople of the world which for me were the mostimportant guidelines for them to live by, whatwould they be?

4. If you had three wishes from a genie, whocould give you special powers, what powers wouldyou ask for:a. If they were for yourself?b. If they were to be used to help others?


5. If your children asked you why we live, why weare on this planet, what is the purpose of life,what their goals should be in this life, whatwould you tell them?

6. What are your talents and abilities that comenaturally to you and are inherent in yourpersonality?

7. In which situations have you felt thegreatest satisfaction, fulfillment or sense ofcomfort with yourself and the world around you?

8. What kinds of activities or situations bringyou the greatest joy?

9. What is it that you think you are bestequipped to offer to your fellow man?

10. What talents, abilities, or charactertraits would you like to develop further at thispoint in your life?

11. Imagine that you are an instrument of ahigher universal power (consciousness) which isgoverning all activities on the earth, seeking tomanifest its latent potential in physical reality,through all beings as physical instruments of itsexpression. What could be the roles that you (asone of those physical instruments) haveincarnated to play in the cosmic drama?

12. Describe exactly how you would like yourlife to be if there were no limitationswhatsoever. Remember to describe all aspects ofyour life: physical, mental, social, professional,family, personal, spiritual, etc.

Study your answers to these questions for greaterclarity concerning what your highest ideals andmost important interests are.

B. Steps and changes for a Happier Life

Having discovered to some degree what isimportant to us, we then need to make a list ofactions and changes, which we believe will bringour lives in closer alignment with our highestideals and goals.What would be the changes or actions you wouldlike to make so as to be more in accord with yourideals, true interests and life purpose?1.2.3.4.

The next step is to recognize and remove anyobstacles to knowing and having the courage tolive our lives according to our ideals.

C. Obstacles Toward the Fulfillment of thePurpose of Life

In connection with the possible changes youwould like to make in your lifestyle, work or life ingeneral, consider if you have any the followingobstacles:

1. Are you concerned about what the otherswill think?a Who?b What do you believe they will think?c Why do you mind that they will have thesethoughts?

In this case we will employ EFT for any obstacleswith the following possible set up.

A.1. Even though I feel _______ when I think ofwhat others might think about me if I do what Ireally want to do, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I felt _______ whenI focused on what others might think about me if Idid what I really wanted to do, I am nowproceeding and dynamically making thosechanges.”

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotion) ________.

C. Reminder Phrase = (The emotion) ______.

2. Do you have some financial insecurity inconnection with these changes? What do you fear?

A.1. Even though I fear (or other emotion) for myfinancial security when I think of doing what Ireally want to do, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until I now feared (or otheremotion) for my financial security when I thoughtof doing what I really want to do, I am nowproceeding and dynamically making thosechanges.”


B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(emotion) ________.


3 . Do you have attachments to somecomforts that stop you from living your life morein accordance with your goals or ideals?a Which comforts?b What will you miss if you do not have them?

A.1. Even though I fear that I will lose mycomforts if I make this change to live according tomy highest ideals, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though, until now, I feared that I wouldlose my comforts if I made this change to liveaccording to my highest ideals, I am nowdynamically making those changes.”

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(fear or other emotion) ________.


4. Do you have attachments to exterior sourcesof security, enjoyment or affirmation, which stopyou from moving on toward your life purposes?a) What are these attachments?b) What will happen if you do not have them?

A.1. Even though I fear that I will lose (what weare attached to) _____ if I make this change inmy life and live according to my highest ideals, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared that I wouldlose (what we are attached to) _____ if I madethis change in my life and live according to myhighest ideals, I am now proceeding anddynamically making those changes.



5. Do you fear that you will not succeed at orcomplete what you want to do?

A.1. Even though I fear that I might fail if I makethis change in my life and do what I really want todo, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared that I mightfail if I made this change in my life and did what Ireally wanted to do, I am proceeding with self-confidence and dynamically making those changesnow.



6. Do you lack self-control and will power?If so, what can you do about it?

A.1. Even though I fear I will feel suppressed if Imake this effort to change in my life and do what Ireally want to do, I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared I would feelsuppressed if I made this effort to change in mylife and did what I really wanted to do, I amproceeding and dynamically making thosechanges now.



7. Do you perhaps have a lack of faith in God,in the soul or in spiritual life?If so, what can you do about it?

A.1. Even though I fear I will lose something if Imake this effort to change in my life and do what Ireally value, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared I would losesomething if I made this effort to change in my lifeand did what I really value, I am proceeding anddynamically making those changes now.




8. Do you perhaps believe that you are too oldfor changes and that you have missed theopportunities for change?

A.1. Even though I fear am too old to make thiseffort to change in my life and do what I reallyvalue, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared that I am tooold to make this effort to change in my life and dowhat I really value, I am proceeding anddynamically making those changes now.



9. Do you perhaps subconsciously believe thatyou do not have the right to be happy? If so,why?

A.1. Even though I feel unworthy of a life of joy,satisfaction and fulfillment, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt unworthyof a life of joy, satisfaction and fulfillment, I amnow creating the life I love and deserve.



10. Do you fear success, power or happinessfor some reason? If yes, why?

A . 1 . Even though I fear (success, power,happiness or other) ____, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared (success,power, happiness or other) ____, I now havefaith in my ability to enjoy and positively directthem.



11. Do you fear that others will not acceptyou if you change? If yes, why?

A.1. Even though I fear that others will not acceptme if I do what I really value and love, I deeplyand profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I feared that otherswould not accept me if I did what I really valueand love ____, I am proceeding and dynamicallymaking those changes now.



12. Are you too bored or lazy to make theeffort? If yes, why?

A.1. Even though I feel too bored or lazy to makethis effort to create a life which I really value andlove, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now, I was too bored orlazy to make this effort to create a life, which Ireally value, and love, I am proceeding anddynamically making those changes now.



13. Are you afraid of change in general? If yes,why?

A.1. Even though I am afraid of change in general,I deeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I was afraid of changein general, I now enjoy dynamically making thechanges I desire.



14. Are you afraid of not being perfect in yournew work? If yes, why?


A.1. Even though I am afraid of not being perfectin doing what I really value, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until I now was afraid of notbeing perfect in doing what I really value, I amnow free of that and am dynamically making thosechanges.



15. Are you afraid of making the wrong choiceand regretting? If yes, why?

A.1. Even though I am afraid of making the wrongchoice in doing what I really value, I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I was afraid ofmaking the wrong choice in doing what I reallyvalue, I now believe in myself and am dynamicallymaking those changes.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthis (fear or other emotion) ________.


16. Do you have conflicting needs, where onepart of you wants this change but another wantssomething else? If so see the chapter on EFT andInner Conflicts.

By methodically removing obstacles (those aboveand others) we clear the field of our mind for ourdeeper values and life purpose to surface.

Through EFT we are:

1. Freeing ourselves from social conditioning.

2. Overcoming fears, negative emotions and limiting beliefs.

3. Letting go of our attachment to results.

In addition to our EFT work, we will also benefit from the following:

4. Cultivating contact with our inner voice. (Meditation, prayer andcontemplation with help.)

5. Developing physical and mental harmony. (Daily exercise, breathingtechniques, relaxation techniques and a healthy diet will help us here.)

6. Following our intuition.

7. Getting in touch with and developing our personal talents.

8. Those who are spiritually oriented might also want to pray daily to becomeinstruments of a higher good for all.

For a more detailed analysis of this subject of life purpose read the Psychology ofHappiness.


Chapter Twenty-eight

EFT for Meditation and Prayer

Being able let go of thoughts, concerns, issues andother obstacles would be an enormous blessing forthose who would like to concentrate moreintensely during prayer or transcend all mentalactivities during meditation.

We can employ EFT in three ways here.

1. We can employ EFT daily for any obstaclestowards these goals.

If we know what our obstacles are, we can workwith them specifically. If we do not know what thespecific obstacles are, we can work with “these orpossible obstacles”. The set up might besomething like this:

A.1. Even though I seem to have some obstaclesto ________________ (concentrating when Ipray, letting go when I meditate), I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I seem to have hadsome obstacles to _________ (concentratingwhen I pray, letting go when I meditate), I nowam free to focus and transcend.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this(obstacle) ______.

C. Reminder Phrase = Any obstacles or thisobstacle to concentrating (or letting go).

2. Using EFT as a preparation to our DailyMeditation or Prayer

We can also use EFT on a daily basis as a part ofour process of inner attunement, generalrejuvenation and alignment with goals andspiritual qualities.

I have found that EFT can be a wonderfulintroduction to my hours of prayer andmeditation.

We can perform a few rounds for any issue wewould like to put in harmony. Then we let go of

them and feel freer to focus; feeling that we havedone what we can for those issues with EFT andnow we can focus on other more spirituallyoriented matters.

(We will of course give whatever energy isnecessary in our daily lives towards manifestingout goals. It is not enough to do EFT only. We alsomust make an effort.)

Some issues we might want to do 1 to 3 rounds forbefore moving into our meditation or prayermight be:

Any physical problem or issue.Any emotion which have been prevalent.Any goal we have set for ourselves such as:More harmonious relationshipsSelf-esteemFamily needsProfessional goalsSpiritual goalsOther

We then move onto our meditation and / orprayer and if obstacles appear then we performEFT for them and continue.

3. We can employ EFT during our prayer ormeditation for any specific obstacle,which may appear and then return to our prayer,meditation or contemplation.

Consider some of the possible obstaclesand corresponding set ups

Α. The Body:a. Painb. Tirednessc. Discomfort

Set up:

A.1. Even though I have this _____ (pain,tiredness, discomfort), I deeply and profoundlylove myself.


A.2. Even though until now I have had this_____ (pain, tiredness, discomfort), I am nowfree to concentrate and transcend.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this______(pain, tiredness, discomfort).

Reminder Phrase = This ______(pain, tiredness,discomfort).

Β. Our Energy:DullnessNervousness

Set up:

A.1. Even though I have this ___ (dullness,nervousness), I deeply and profoundly lovemyself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had this_____ (dullness, nervousness), I am nowenergized and free to focus deeply.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this______(dullness, nervousness).

C. Reminder Phrase = This _______ (dullness,nervousness)

C. The Mind:

1. Thoughts – On which subjects and issues?Α. FamilyB. RelationshipsC. Work

D. FinancesE. Fears and other emotionsF. WorkG. Internal conflictsH. Other _________

Set up:

A.1. Even though I have these thoughts /concerns about _____ (subject), I deeply andprofoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have had thesethoughts / concerns about _____ (subject), I amnow free to focus and transcend.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free fromthese thoughts about ______(subject)

Reminder Phrase = These (subject) _______thoughts

Emotions – Which?

Set up:

A.1. Even though I feel (emotion) _____, Ideeply and profoundly love myself.

A.2. Even though until now I have felt (emotion)_____, I am now free to focus and transcend.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept,realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from(emotion)______.

Reminder Phrase = (Emotion) _______


Chapter Twenty-nine

EFT and the Impending Departurefrom the Physical Body

The idea of “dying” or permanently leaving ourpresent bodies is for most of us a fear-creatingthought. EFT can be a wonderful way to cutthrough these fears and other emotions. We canemploy this on ourselves even now so thatwhenever that moment comes, which itundoubtedly will, we will be ready andcomfortable with the transition out of the bodyand into other planes of existence.

We can also employ it on others who are ready toaccept and face the fact that they will be leavingtheir bodies at some point. (Whether that meansin a few hours or in 20 years.) Many, however, willprefer denial even when they have only a fewhours to live. This is their right that needs berespected.

Facing death and facing life are one in the same.One, who learns to live harmoniously inaccordance with his or her basic beliefs, will dieharmoniously in the same way. One, who has nofear for life, will not fear death.

Some of the emotions, which we might need todeal with, are listed below. Remember not to belimited by this list. Use it as a starting point, butthen move freely with the flow.

While working with each, remember to have inmind various aspects such as:

1. Emotions which we have about the fact that wehave these emotions.2. Underlying emotions3. Parallel emotions4. Resistance to let go5. Childhood experiences6. And of course, any physical problems whichappear.

Our first step in all of the below cases is to acceptourselves with these emotions and then move on

from there. Remember to be as specific aspossible.

Some of the emotions, which we might feel whenwe think of death, are:

1. Fear of unknown.

2. Fear of judgement and punishment after death.

3. Pain of losing loved ones.

4. Concern about unfinished business (work,projects).

5. Fear or unhappiness about losing pleasures orforms enjoyment.

Fear of nonexistence.

7. Fear of physical pain or suffering.

8. Anxiety about what will happen to our lovedones when they are without us.

9. Regret because we have not done some thingswe wanted to or have not lived our lives as wewould have liked to.

10. Regret (guilt) because we have not behaved aswe would have liked with certain people.

11. Injustice or anger because this seems unfair - Iam good person - and too young.

12. The need to forgive someone and perhapsresistance to do so.

13. Jealous of others who are staying here in theirbodies.

14. Anger at doctors, nurses and others when theydo not behave as we need, or do not heal us.


15. The physical pain or weakness which make thebody an unpleasant place to be.

16. Shame or anger because we have to bedependent on others.

17. Anger at someone (perhaps even God) who webelieve is responsible for our present reality.

18. Depression because we are going to be leavingall that we know.

19. Depression because we cannot do things welike to do. (Walk in nature, dance, eat what we likeetc.)

20. Some people have a fear of being buried andfeeling suffocated. This can create a general panicaround the idea of death. (One possible theorymight be that they have been buried prematurelyand woke up in the grave in a previous life, onlythen to die without air and light.)

21. Others fear death because they feel that theyare guilty because they have been the “cause of” orbecause they have “wished for” someone else’sdeath (usually in childhood). This creates a fear ofdeath and resulting punishment.

After so many chapters of sample setup andreminder phrases, I believe that it should be easyfor you now to create your own while workingwith the above possible aspects of getting feelingfree to leave our bodies (when the time comes)with dignity, peace and joy .

Facing our own Death

We can overcome our fear of death, by becomingfamiliar with it, and by becoming familiar withour true selves. We can be ready at every momentto die peacefully, consciously and spiritually byliving in the following way.

1) Live our lives with intensity in harmony withour goals and ambitions in life.

2) Discover the purpose for which we haveincarnated and work toward that purpose.

3) Seek to find greater harmony in ourrelationships, at least from our own part, throughunconditional love.

4) Practice regular self-examination alwaysseeking to improve the functioning of thepersonality; and discover our true spiritual nature.

5) Transform our belief system from “I am thisbody” to “I am a spirit which has this body”.

6) Learn to relax and concentrate the mindthrough regular relaxation, mind control, prayerand meditation.

7) Live lives in harmony with our conscience. Doto others, as we would like them to do to us.

8) Develop faith in, and love for, God.

9) Detach ourselves from the dependencies andaddictions.

10) Develop self-awareness in the waking anddream state, and learn to manipulate our dreamreality.

Obviously preparing for death has nothing to dowith retreating from life, but rather living lifemore bravely. In this way we are not tempted towaste time or energy on meaningless, vainactivities, which do not contribute to the quality ofour lives.


Chapter 30

A Unifying Theory

Thought Field Therapy & Emotional Freedom TechniquesPsychoanalysis, Cognitive Psychology,

Healing the Inner Child, Catharsis and EMDR

I am writing this more for myself than for anyoneelse as I seek to develop a basic model which willformulate a unified understanding of how theabove mentioned various psychological disciplineswork. I have found them all useful and haveemployed them on myself in addition to sharingthem with around 150,000 others throughlectures, seminars, books and cassettesthroughout the last 35 years.

The Apparent Conflict

TFT (Thought Field Therapy by Dr. RogerCallahan) and its offshoots such as EFT(Emotional Freedom Techniques by Callahan’sstudent Gary Craig) seem to "apparently" conflictwith the premises of Cognitive Therapyconcerning whether our emotions are caused byour beliefs or a disturbed energy field createdwhen we think of the stimulus. The word"apparently" is in quotation marks because whatis apparent is often not true.

We have a similar "apparent" conflict withcathartic psychological approaches, which heal bybringing hidden pain, anger or guilt to the surfaceso that it can be released through some form ofcatharsis. After its release, we can install a newalternative, more objective and positiveperception of ourselves and reality.

Without catharsis, psychotherapy or cognitivetherapy can be like trying to record new music orinformation (beliefs) on a prerecorded cassette,which we have not yet erased. We will hear tworecordings - two simultaneous belief systems -subconscious and conscious.

No matter how much we strengthen ouraffirmations or new positive beliefs, if the old onesare still there, they will overpower our newintellectually based perceptions. Intellectualconscious understanding and spiritual beliefs areusually weaker than automatic unconsciousexperience-based emotional reactions.

TFT and EFT, on the other hand, demonstratedaily that most often neither analysis norcatharsis is necessary in order to eliminate(not suppress) unwanted emotions.

New Discoveries Often EncompassPrevious Conceptions

Science often evolves in ways so that newdiscoveries do not actually reject previousperceptions but often encompass them whiledescribing greater realties, which include and alsotranscend our previous conceptions.

An example is that of Einstein’s law of relativitywhich does not negate Newton’s laws of motionbut simply explains that for objects with sufficientmass (larger than atoms) moving considerablyslower than the speed of light, Newton’s andEinstein’s laws give essentially the sameresults.

So now with Thought Field Therapy, in myopinion, we are moving on to an understandingthat includes, validates and also transcends thehypotheses of:

1. Cognitive Therapy = emotions are created bybeliefs - thoughts.

2. Catharsis based psychology = negativelycharged emotional memories and theirconsequent beliefs need to be corrected (often, butnot necessarily, released) and transformed inorder to manifest a significant and lasting change.

Obviously these perceptions are at least relativelytrue. If we do not think about the disturbing issue,then we do not get the emotion. And, until now(pre-TFT), most cases would not heal if we did notexperientially release the emotional chargeassociated with related traumatic experiences.


The Miracle of TFT

On the other hand, now we see that by simplytapping on certain acupuncture points whilefocusing on the disturbing thought-field andwithout making any attempt to change our beliefs,we are freed from long lasting extremely intenseemotions such a phobias and the pain of the lossof loved ones.

As the freedom from the emotion takes placeimmediately, simply by tapping on certainacupuncture points, we are forced to concludethat, the energy field related to this emotion(which is affected by the tapping on these points)must be the direct or at least "intervening cause"of the emotional reaction.

I chose the word "intervening cause" here,because without the original thought, there wouldbe no disturbance.

In some cases, without actually being consciouslyaware of the thought-field, we may experience acontinual subconscious disturbance in the body’senergy field, which often leads to psychosomaticor even psychological illness.

A Unifying Theory

In order to explain my perception of these basicsystems of psychotherapy I would like to make anumber of hypotheses, which you are free toaccept or reject. I welcome comments for andagainst my evolving perception of what ishappening.

Basic Premises

The basic premises presented here are notdiscussed and explained in full. If you areinterested in a more detailed analysis you cancontact me.

1. As human beings we are basicallyc o n s c i o u s n e s s that is comprised of everchanging and interacting mental, emotional,energy and physical fields.

2. These fields are continuously interacting andaffecting each other.

Thoughts are Energy Fields

3. Each thought itself is in reality an energyfield, which, when charged in a certain way,becomes what we experience as an emotionalfield. This emotional field also affects our energy

field, thought field and our physical body(psychosomatic illnesses).

4. Our beliefs create our thoughts that areactually energy fields, which create our emotions.

5. Our thoughts are energy fields which, whencharged with intensity, create an emotionalreaction and resulting physical phenomena.When the charge is removed, then the samethought has no emotional dimension.This charge is a result of the beliefs that create ourthoughts.(We will return to this.)

Consciousness-Mind-Energy-BodyContinuum

6. Our consciousness, mind, energy and body area continuum where any intervention ordisturbance at any level will create acorresponding change on the other levels of thiscontinuum.

Imagine a trough with water with various barriersmade from mesh separating the trough intocompartments, but there is still a wavecommunication between them through thecommon medium of the water.Wherever we make a disturbance, its effect is feltthroughout all compartments in the trough. And,if at any point in this continuum of water weintervene with some type settling effect, thiscreates peace in all the other compartments.In the continuum of our being, we tend to think ofthe body, energy, thoughts and beliefs as separate,but in fact they are all “compartments” ofconsciousness. Any intervention on any levelaffects all the other levels.

7. We can change our thought-field by tapping onthe acupuncture points, thus changing the energyflow and removing its charge and the thought-energy-field that creates the emotionaldisturbance.

8. Thus, our emotions are the result of thethought-energy-fields that are created by ourbeliefs, which in turn are a result of ourmultileveled belief system.(We will come back to the concept of multileveledbeliefs)

Our Thoughts are Charged

9. Our beliefs interpret each and every stimulus(external and mental) assigning a positive,negative or neutral charge to that stimulus


depending on what our belief system tells us aboutwhat is happening or what we are thinking about.

10. This "charge" is then associated with thatstimulus and when we think about it or confrontit, we feel indifferent, secure, relaxed and happyor fear, pain, guilt or anger depending on ourinterpretation.

11. This then creates a corresponding energy fieldassociated with that specific stimulus.

12. Our emotional reality depends on our beliefsabout that stimulus (event, behavior, situation orthought) and the thought-energy-field createdwhen we confront or think of the stimulus.

We have Multiple Beliefsabout the Same Stimulus

13. We have multiple beliefs about the samestimulus.

TFT will say, " this person does not believe that heis in danger, but his energy field makes him feelthat way." Or, "Why doesn’t his fear go away whenhe changes his conscious belief?"

Obviously this person has multiple parallel beliefs,creating multiple thought-fields concerning thesame stimulus.

This is a major key. The thoughts we have aboutany stimulus are in fact energy fields concerningthat issue, which create our resulting emotionalreaction.

However, we have various thoughts and as aconsequence, many thought and energy fieldsconcerning the same stimulus.

Multiple Parallel Beliefs

14. I would like to hypothesize some differentcategories of beliefs.

a. Emotionally Charged Impressions - (ECI)- These are not so much beliefs as "impressions",which are imprinted on the mind duringtraumatic experiences. The mind then identifiesthis particular stimulus with this emotionallycharged feeling, and when we think of it we feelfear or other emotions. We do not go throughthinking processes here such as analyzing,evaluating and coming to conclusions. This kindof “belief” has a strong “emotional charge” but noactual inertia or mass, because it is not based onobservations and facts, but rather on one or two

intense experiences – which of course are notrepresentative of reality.

b. Mistaken Childhood Conclusions - (MCC)- These are usually mistaken beliefs about a realityin which we perceive ourselves as weak, wrong,unlovable and to blame for just about everythingthat happens around us such as our parents anger,absence, unhappiness, indifference, divorce,illness, death etc. We falsely interpret that we arenot worthy or able and that others will alwaysbehave towards us in ways that we experienced inchildhood.

These first two categories are usuallyrepressed in the subconscious mind (shadow,inner child - whatever you prefer) because of thepain and confusion they produce. We suppressthem so that we can focus and function in ourdaily lives. They are encased in an "energymembrane" much as our body envelopes a sliveror cut in our skin in order to prevent it frompoisoning the rest of the body.

These "beliefs" are repressed so that we do not feelthe unpleasant negative emotional-energy chargeassociated with them.

They do, of course, exist in the subconscious andproduce their corresponding energy field everytime we come into contact with or think of thespecific stimulus. As already mentioned, they alsocreate psychosomatic illnesses.

These "Beliefs" are Stagnant and do notEvolve as We Do

Because of their repression and subsequentisolation from our conscious mind, these "beliefs"do not evolve as we do. They remain in theiroriginal state regardless of our evolving logic,reasoning, new experiences and spiritual faith.They receive no new data.The third category of beliefs is our:

c. Evolving Conscious Belief System: (ECBS)

This is our conscious system which, as it processesnew data, reevaluates its perceptions of realityseeking to make the adjustments necessary inorder to understand the truths behind thephenomena we observe.

This is actually evolving in only some people.Many have stopped processing new data and thushave remained with the same conscious beliefsystem for many years and will leave their bodieswith it.


For many, this belief system understands that weare safe, secure, good, worthy and capable. It alsorealizes that we are not in danger from heights,cars, insects, dogs, cats, elevators, airplanes etc.The facts available to it cause it to realize that itsfears are unfounded.

Yet we continue to experience fear and itsresulting emotions due to our previous twocategories of beliefs, (Emotionally ChargedImpressions and Mistaken ChildhoodConclusions) that are isolated from and usuallystronger than our Evolving Conscious BeliefSystem.

d. Spiritual Intuitive Faith (SIF) constructsour fourth category of beliefs. These beliefs areusually based on faith rather than proof. We feelthat what we believe is true. In addition to beingaffected by others’ spiritual beliefs, we alsoexperience inner awakenings or revelations inwhich we just "know" that something is true.

The last two conscious categories of beliefs areusually weak when confronted with specificstimuli that awaken our first two repressedcategories. We may have total faith in ourimmortality or in God’s wisdom and justice, butwhen confronted with stimuli, which awaken ourEmotionally Charged Impressions and MistakenChildhood Conclusions, the power of these latertwo often temporarily overshadow our faith andlogic.

Herein lies the answer as why we do not see thatbeliefs are the cause of our emotional reality,when we heal with TFT. We have simultaneousmultiple beliefs working at different levels. We areaddressing the energy fields, which have to dowith the two suppressed beliefs and not theperson’s conscious or spiritual belief system.

Statistics and Inertia verses Charge

15. Many “beliefs” are created by emotionalcharge rather than by statistics and thus have ahigh emotional charge but low inertia.

The term inertia describes the tendency of anobject to stay in the state that it exists or itsresistance to changing its state. Thus if it isstationary it resists movement. If moving it resistsstopping.

The inertia of a belief is the measure of itsresistance to change either because it is theproduct of many experiences and conclusions or

deep faith or because we have an invested need tokeep that belief for some reason.

An example of the difference between charge andinertia would be the following.

If we drive a car every day for 30 years and thenhave an accident one day, that one accident canaffect the mind more than the other 10,950 dayswe have driven. Thus we are more affected by theemotional charge of one experience than by theweight of the evidence of having driven 10,950days without any danger.

If we have 30 years of a loving relationship withsomeone and then one day he or she leaves us foranother, our 10,950 days of loving relationship isovershadowed by the emotional charge of thebetrayal we feel due to one experience. Ratherthan feeling grateful for all those loving moments,we feel hurt and angry about the one experience.

Such beliefs are actually of the category ofEmotionally Charged Impressions. While highlycharged they have little inertia (because theyare based on only a few experiences) and can beeasily healed by TFT. This is important.

Other types of beliefs with a higher inertia, are noteasily dissipated by TFT such as self-esteem,religious beliefs, political beliefs or our EvolvingConscious Belief System.

Belief Inertia

16. Each belief has a specific inertia or resistancetowards change, which has to do with:a. How many experiences have gone into itscreation.b. How many different kinds of experiences havecontributed to this conclusion. (If we have onlyone experience, which is repeated then it does notcreate as much inertia as having different stimulicreating that belief.)c. How much thought has gone into its creation.d. The degree to which it is linked to other beliefs- creating a web of beliefs.e. How much we depend on this belief for oursense of security, self worth or freedom.How much psychological reversal we have inrelation to this belief (such as being in the role ofthe victim or guilty one.)

In general, most phobias are not the product ofprocessing various experiences and coming to aconclusion and thus have lower inertia and can beeasily removed by TFT.


Our experience is that fear, guilt, pain and allother emotions can be easily dissolved by tappingon the energy field in this way.

However, general anxiety, depression, self-esteemand other issues often require more work on thevarious aspects which make up this more complexinter-linked system of beliefs in which our anxietyis also connected to fear, pain, guilt and angertowards ourselves.

All emotions, however, can be dealt withextremely effectively as long as we are adept atdealing with their complexity.

Thus, it is not the intensity (panic - rage) whichobstructs immediate results with TFT but ratherthe complexity of the issue and how manydifferent beliefs and emotions are involved. Inother words, it is not the intensity of the belief,but its inertia, which complicates the healing.

Multileveled Perception

Thus, when we are experiencing or thinking of anystimulus, we perceive it through a series of at leastfour filters, each presenting its own interpretationof what is happening and how that relates to ourbasic needs of safety, self-worth, freedom andpleasure. If any one of those filters is creating astronger charge, then although we (usually) areaware of how the other filters are interpreting thisstimulus, our emotional reactions will usually bethe result of that most strongly chargedinterpretation.

By reducing the charge associated with theEmotionally Charged Impressions a n dMistaken Childhood Experiences, andstrengthening our Evolving Conscious BeliefSystem and Spiritual Intuitive Faith, webecome free from irrational emotional suffering.

TFT, Self Knowledge and BeliefTransformation

17. This is why when we remove or harmonize thedisturbed energy field, not only do we experiencefreedom from the physical or emotionaldisturbance but we also experience a newperception of that stimulus and reality. We areawakened to a more rational and objectiveinterpretation which was always there (as aparallel belief) but could not be experiencedbecause of the static created by the energydisturbances of emotionally charged memories inthe subconscious.

As a result, with TFT we have a positively changedbelief system without even discussing beliefs,because our logic and wisdom were allowed tosurface with the removal of the obstructing energyfield, through tapping.

18. This is also why in many cases during theemployment of TFT or EFT, the memory of theoriginal causal event itself is accessed -without actually seeking it. It comes to theperson’s mind and is discharged and thus set free.This is made possible even though it has not beenaccessed throughout years of psychoanalysisbecause now, with the collapse of the energy field,there is no longer a need to repress in order toavoid pain. The pain is removed.

Where the Techniques make TheirIntervention

19. Let us now look at the how the variouspsychological methods make their interventions.

a. Psychoanalysis works basically by seeking touncover the Mistaken Childhood Conclusions andother irrational beliefs allowing us to reevaluatethem in the light of our Evolving Conscious Beliefsystem, thus creating greater objectivity and abelief system more aligned with "reality".

b. Cognitive Psychology does the same byencouraging us to investigate alternativeperceptions of reality. In some cases, thecounselor might suggest new perceptions whichwe might not have found within. With thismethod, there is greater intellectual interventionthan with psychoanalysis.

c. Behavioral Therapy seeks to bring newexperiences and thus new conclusions to theEvolving Conscious Belief System. This will workas long as the repressed Emotionally ChargeImpressions and Mistaken Childhood Conclusionsare not highly charged concerning the specificstimulus.

d. Healing the Inner Child seeks to bring tothe surface not only the Mistaken ChildhoodConclusions but also the emotions associated withthem so that they can be discharged, reevaluatedand healed. In some cases, we are asked toreinterpret the event while in experiential(mental) contact with it. Here we might useregression techniques or rebirthing for moreexperiential contact.e. Catharsis Techniques bring us into contactwith repressed emotions (results of EmotionallyCharged Impressions or Mistaken Childhood


Conclusions) either by coming into contact withold traumatic memories or by accessing themthrough an awareness of the energy body andemotions stored in the body (Body CenteredPsychology - Hendricks).These emotions and their energy fields arereleased through various forms of catharsis suchas yawning, crying, shouting, beating a pillow orvarious movements.Such methods seek to release the emotionalcharge associated with the first two types of beliefsand then eventually replace them throughreevaluation, affirmations and faith.

f. EMDR accomplishes all of the above by aningenious technique designed by FrancineShapiro, which allows us, with the movements ofthe eyes (or alternating awareness between thetwo sides of the body) to more easily access (andrelease - if necessary) the emotional chargeassociated with a traumatic experience.Then again, by this alternation or awareness, weinstall a new positive belief that we chose. Theremay or may not be catharsis involved. It works atthe level of the Emotionally Charged Impressionsand Mistaken Childhood Conclusions and thenseeks to replace these old beliefs with the EvolvingConscious Belief System and/or Spiritual IntuitiveFaith.

All of the above are obviously effective and havehelped millions of people.

However with the exception of EMDR, they are allmuch more time consuming and often are not ableto completely remove the disturbances from theenergy field and thus achieve the total therapythat can be accomplished with TFT.

g. TFT and EFT - accomplish all of the above bytapping on the thought-energy-field associatedwith the stimulus and belief, thus removing it sothat we can think about or be in the presence of

the previously disturbing stimulus and have noemotional disturbance.

The removal of this disturbance in the energy fieldoften allows us access to the original events thathave created it. This might at times bring about asmall catharsis but often does not.

It almost always leads to new more objective andenlightened perceptions of reality.

It works mainly on the Emotionally ChargedImpressions (which have great intensity - but littleinertia) and Mistaken Childhood Conclusions byremoving their corresponding disturbances to theenergy fields.

The up-flow of more conscious objective beliefsand Spiritual Intuitive Faith happens naturallywithout effort.

It is also important that these forms of “energypsychology”, as they are now called, can and havebeen combined and enhanced with any number ofthe modalities mentioned above such asaffirmations, psychodrama, rebirthing, gestaltdialoguing, journaling, meditation, prayer andcontemplation.

In conclusion, I find all of these psychologicalapproaches useful for removing the repressedEmotionally Charged Impressions and MistakenChildhood Conclusions and eventually replacingthem with the Evolving Conscious Belief Systemand Spiritual Intuitive Faith.

TFT and its offspring like EFT, however, to myknowledge, offer us a much more powerful andeffective method of healing human suffering thanhas ever been witnessed in our history.

May you be well.

******************************************


Epilogue

This is a very important moment in history. Wehave been given the key to freedom frompreviously unsurpassable negative programming.

A large majority of our emotions will be removedvery quickly. Some will take more time.

The only obstacle now is our own reluctance andlack of commitment to and perseverance at theprocess.

Our strongest obstacle is our psychologicalreversal, which needs to be worked on in eachissue as another aspect that is causing us to holdon to that emotion or problem.

My experience has convinced me that now withenergy psychology there are no unsolvableproblems. There is just our own unwillingness andthat too can be dealt with it.

In conclusion, I would like to encourage us all tobe persistent especially with those special issuesthat seem to have many roots and inertia. Theycan be overcome, but need a little more time andeffort.

Once again I would like to express my deepestgratitude to Dr. Roger Callahan and Gary Craig fortheir dedicated work towards offering thisunprecedentedly powerful and effective techniquefor human transformation.

Many of you will find my book The Psychologyof Happiness, a useful companion to this work.

Additionally, you can find an abundance of usefularticles and ebooks on our web sitehttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com.You can also check there for seminars on EFT thatare offered in both English and Greek.

We have two 4-hour videocassettes available inGreek with instructions on how to use EFT for alltypes of problems and goals.

You can further your knowledge andexperience of energy psychology

in the following ways:

We offer seminars in Greek and English.

You can learn about other seminars throughthe sites below.

You can also learn of other books through thosesites.

You can order videos and CD’s with instructionsfor energy psychology.

We also offer training for Holistic HarmonyLife Coaches and EFT Practitioners.

Some of the sites to visit are

Thought Field Therapy (Roger Callahan)http://www.tftrx.com

Emotional Freedom Techniques (GaryCraig)http://www.emofree.com

Be Set FREE Fast (Larry Nims)http://members.aol.com/DNNN/manual.htmlAssociation for Meridian Therapieshttp://www.theamt.com

EFT & Choices (Pat Carrington)http://www.eft-innovations.com

EFT support site for Beginners (PatCarrington)http://www.eftsupport.com

Tapas Acupressure Technique (TapasFleming)http://www.tat-intl.com/

EmoTrance (Silvia Hartmann)http://starfields.org/ or http://emotrance.com Holistic Harmony Network(Robert Najemy)http://www.HolisticHarmony.com

Experience or Flow – Again

As we have mentioned, this book presents a largenumber of lists and suggestions which are theresult of over 3 decades of experience in workingwith peoples’ emotions, beliefs and reactions.They can be helpful as they might containpossibilities that you may not have thought of orexperienced.


However, the flow of EFT is magical and oftenvery different from what we expect. This flow ofemotional and physical aspects is incrediblyhealing and should never be interrupted orobstructed because of our personal perceptions orideas.

We suggest that you employ EFT and follow yourown or the others’ flow which is brought about by

the tapping. If however, you get stuck or feel theremay be aspects that are not being dealt with andthus you are not getting the results you would like,these lists and suggestion can be extremelyhelpful.

Priority, however, must always be given to theflow that comes forth from within us or others.

May you be well on all levels of your being.

* * * * *

About the Author

Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes onHuman Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.

An American, he is the founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Livingin Greece with 3700 members.

He has lectured for over 25,000 hours on all aspects human harmony.

Some titles of his books and ebooks are The Psychology of Happiness, UniversalPhilosophy, The Art of Meditation, Contemporary Parables, The Mystical Circle ofLife, Relationships of Conscious Love, The Miracles of Love and Wisdom, RemovePain – Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping onAcupuncture points and Saram – an Insight into the Male Psyche.

His work can be found at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.

He is offering training for Holistic Harmony. Life Coaches and EFT Practitioners.


Books and ebooks available byRobert Elias Najemy

at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index/asp

1. Universal Philosophy

2. The Art of Meditation

3. Contemporary Parables

4. The Mystical Circle of Life

5. Relationships of Conscious Love (Available soon as paperback)

6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom

7. Remove Pain – Physical & Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tappingin Acupuncture Points

8. Saram – The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male PsycheAnd available also at bookstores near you and also on our site

9. The Psychology of Happinesshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html

Email Courses by Auto-responder – Many for FREERead about the invaluable email courses which we are offering to you for (some forfree). By just sending one email, you will receive weekly articles and lessons on the

subjects of your choice.Visit http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp

Accessing The Abundance of Information in our *** Important Articles ***http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ezines/index.asp

* Relationships* Motivation & Positive Thinking* Self-Acceptance* Healing Our Inner Child* Dealing With Emotions* Health* Contemporary Parables* Death & Dying


* Meditation* Spirituality* Love* Other Virtues

Gift your friends with a Subscription to our Free biweekly Ezine “Clarity”To subscribe click: [email protected]

Articles from previous issues can be viewed athttp://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/

** Our Research Service **You can research any of the following subjects by its listing in our "research service" at:

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/

* Life Clarification Capsules - Articleshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/capsules/

* Health Suggestionshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/health/

* I-messageshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/imessages/

* Contemporary Parableshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/books/parables/

* Inner Journeyshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/journeys/

* Life Stories and Lessonshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/lessons/

* Self Knowledge Exerciseshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/self/

* Yoga Exerciseshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/members/download/archives/yoga/


*** Other Aspects of the Holistic Harmony Network ***

D. The Life Clarification Processhttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/lcp/E. About ushttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/services/F. Books and cassetteshttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/G. "Clarity" - Free Ezinehttp://www.HolisticHarmony.com/clarity/

* T H E P S Y C H O L O G Y O F H A P P I N E S S *** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives **

*** More Testimonials about this book ***

" I now have learned to enjoy each moment of my life. Every day brings me somethingnew and beautiful! I have discovered that I have the internal strength to face life’sdifficulties. It has awakened in my the purpose of my life."Elena Giannopoulou 28 yearsold, Lawyer.

" I have stopped blaming others for what happens to me. I try to take responsibility formy actions. I perceive others with more love and understanding. I have improved myeating habits, I exercise and relax. I now have spiritual interests." Eleni Athanasiou,34 yrs. Doctor

You have so much to gain by ordering this book with a 30% Discount from Amazon byclicking here:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20

Or here for a 40% DISCOUNT by clicking here:http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html

Or ask your local bookstore to order it with ISBN number 0-9710116-0-5

May you be well on all levels for your being

Holistic Harmony Staff

Download - Energy psychology-by-tapping-on-acupuncture-points-

Top Related