Transcript
Page 1: Actual Bumper Stickers

Page 1 Bumper Stickers

ActualBumperStickers

ActualBumperStickers

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Change is inevitable,except from avending machine

Change is inevitable,except from avending machine

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I’m out of my mind.Back in five minutes.I’m out of my mind.Back in five minutes.

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Laugh alone and theworld thinks you'rean idiot

Laugh alone and theworld thinks you'rean idiot

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Texas - At least ourcows are sane!Texas - At least ourcows are sane!

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The gene pool coulduse a little chlorineThe gene pool coulduse a little chlorine

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I didn't fight myway to the top ofthe food chain justto be a vegetarian

I didn't fight myway to the top ofthe food chain justto be a vegetarian

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Your kid may be anhonor student butyou're still an IDIOT!

Your kid may be anhonor student butyou're still an IDIOT!

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I took an IQ testand the resultswere negative

I took an IQ testand the resultswere negative

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If we aren'tsupposed to beeating animals,then why are theymade of meat?

If we aren'tsupposed to beeating animals,then why are theymade of meat?

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Forget about worldpeace...

...visualize usingyour turn signal

Forget about worldpeace...

...visualize usingyour turn signal

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Warning: Dates onthe calendar arecloser than theyappear

Warning: Dates onthe calendar arecloser than theyappear

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Give me ambiguityor give mesomething else

Give me ambiguityor give mesomething else

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Make it idiot proofand someone willmake a better idiot

Make it idiot proofand someone willmake a better idiot

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He who laughs lastthinks slowestHe who laughs lastthinks slowest

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Always rememberyou're unique...justlike everyone else

Always rememberyou're unique...justlike everyone else

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Puritanism:The haunting fearthat someone,somewhere may behappy

Puritanism:The haunting fearthat someone,somewhere may behappy

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I souport publikedukasionI souport publikedukasion

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There are 3 kinds ofpeople: those whocan count & thosewho can't

There are 3 kinds ofpeople: those whocan count & thosewho can't

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Diplomacy is the artof saying 'Nicedoggie!'... till youcan find a big rock

Diplomacy is the artof saying 'Nicedoggie!'... till youcan find a big rock

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I like you, but Iwouldn't want tosee you workingwith subatomicparticles

I like you, but Iwouldn't want tosee you workingwith subatomicparticles

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All generalizationsare falseAll generalizationsare false

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Learn from yourparents' mistakes -use birth control

Learn from yourparents' mistakes -use birth control

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I'm not as think asyou drunk I amI'm not as think asyou drunk I am

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Time is what keepseverything fromhappening at once

Time is what keepseverything fromhappening at once

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The more people Imeet, the more Ilike my dog

The more people Imeet, the more Ilike my dog

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Women who seekto be equal to menlack ambition

Women who seekto be equal to menlack ambition

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Few women admittheir age...fewermen act it.

Few women admittheir age...fewermen act it.

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How can I miss youif you won't goaway?

How can I miss youif you won't goaway?

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Beauty is in the eyeof the beer holder...Beauty is in the eyeof the beer holder...

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Make it idiot proofand someone willmake a better idiot.

Make it idiot proofand someone willmake a better idiot.

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We are Microsoft.Resistance is futile.You will beassimilated.

We are Microsoft.Resistance is futile.You will beassimilated.

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Horn broken. Watchfor finger.Horn broken. Watchfor finger.

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I love cats...theytaste just likechicken.

I love cats...theytaste just likechicken.

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As long as there aretests, there will beprayer in publicschools.

As long as there aretests, there will beprayer in publicschools.

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Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

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It is as BAD as youthink, and they AREout to get us.

It is as BAD as youthink, and they AREout to get us.

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Friends don't letfriends drive naked.Friends don't letfriends drive naked.

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Where there's a will,I want to be in it!Where there's a will,I want to be in it!

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It's lonely at thetop, but you eatbetter.

It's lonely at thetop, but you eatbetter.

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We’re born naked,wet and hungry.Then things getworse.

We’re born naked,wet and hungry.Then things getworse.

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Be nice to yourkids. They'll chooseyour nursing home.

Be nice to yourkids. They'll chooseyour nursing home.

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Sorry, I don't dateoutside my species.Sorry, I don't dateoutside my species.

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I don't suffer frominsanity, I enjoyevery minute of it.

I don't suffer frominsanity, I enjoyevery minute of it.

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Hard work has afuture payoff.Laziness pays offNOW.

Hard work has afuture payoff.Laziness pays offNOW.

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A day withoutsunshine is like,night.

A day withoutsunshine is like,night.

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On the otherhand, you havedifferent fingers

On the otherhand, you havedifferent fingers

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When the chipsare down, thebuffalo is empty

When the chipsare down, thebuffalo is empty

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Those who liveby the sword getshot by thosewho don't

Those who liveby the sword getshot by thosewho don't

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Honk if you lovepeace and quietHonk if you lovepeace and quiet

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Nothing isfoolproof toa sufficientlytalented fool

Nothing isfoolproof toa sufficientlytalented fool

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The early birdgets the worm,but the secondmouse gets thecheese

The early birdgets the worm,but the secondmouse gets thecheese

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I intend to liveforever -- so far,so good

I intend to liveforever -- so far,so good

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QuantumMechanics:The dreams stuffis made of

QuantumMechanics:The dreams stuffis made of

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Support bacteria- they're the onlyculture somepeople have

Support bacteria- they're the onlyculture somepeople have

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For every action,there is an equaland oppositecriticism

For every action,there is an equaland oppositecriticism

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He who hesitatesis probably rightHe who hesitatesis probably right

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No one islistening untilyou make amistake

No one islistening untilyou make amistake

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Success alwaysoccurs in privateand failure in fullview

Success alwaysoccurs in privateand failure in fullview

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The colder theX-ray table, themore of yourbody is requiredon it

The colder theX-ray table, themore of yourbody is requiredon it

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The hardness of thebutter is directlyproportional to thesoftness of thebread

The hardness of thebutter is directlyproportional to thesoftness of thebread

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The severity of theitch is inverselyproportional to theability to reach it

The severity of theitch is inverselyproportional to theability to reach it

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To steal ideasfrom one personis plagiarism; tosteal from manyis research

To steal ideasfrom one personis plagiarism; tosteal from manyis research

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To succeed inpolitics, it isoften necessaryto rise aboveyour principles

To succeed inpolitics, it isoften necessaryto rise aboveyour principles

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You never reallylearn to swearuntil you learn todrive

You never reallylearn to swearuntil you learn todrive

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The sooner youfall behind, themore time you'llhave to catch up

The sooner youfall behind, themore time you'llhave to catch up

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A clear conscienceis usually the signof a bad memory

A clear conscienceis usually the signof a bad memory

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If you mustchoose betweentwo evils, pickthe one you'venever tried before

If you mustchoose betweentwo evils, pickthe one you'venever tried before

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A fool and hismoney aresoon partying

A fool and hismoney aresoon partying

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Plan to bespontaneoustomorrow

Plan to bespontaneoustomorrow

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Always try to bemodest. And beproud of it!

Always try to bemodest. And beproud of it!

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If you thinknobody caresabout you, trymissing a coupleof payments

If you thinknobody caresabout you, trymissing a coupleof payments

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How many of youbelieve intelekinesis?Raise my hands...

How many of youbelieve intelekinesis?Raise my hands...

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Everybodyrepeat after me...

"We are allindividuals."

Everybodyrepeat after me...

"We are allindividuals."

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Love may beblind, butmarriage is areal eye-opener

Love may beblind, butmarriage is areal eye-opener

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Hell hath no furylike the lawyerof a womanscorned

Hell hath no furylike the lawyerof a womanscorned

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Bills travelthrough the mailat twice the speedof checks

Bills travelthrough the mailat twice the speedof checks

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Borrow moneyfrom pessimists- they don'texpect it back

Borrow moneyfrom pessimists- they don'texpect it back

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Half the peopleyou know arebelow average

Half the peopleyou know arebelow average

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99 percent oflawyers give therest a bad name

99 percent oflawyers give therest a bad name

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42.7 percent ofall statistics aremade up on thespot

42.7 percent ofall statistics aremade up on thespot

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A conscience iswhat hurts whenall your otherparts feel sogood

A conscience iswhat hurts whenall your otherparts feel sogood

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Don't marry formoney; you canborrow itcheaper

Don't marry formoney; you canborrow itcheaper

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I don't worryabout terrorism.I was married fortwo years.

I don't worryabout terrorism.I was married fortwo years.

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A psychiatrist is aperson who willgive you expensiveanswers that yourpartner will giveyou for free.

A psychiatrist is aperson who willgive you expensiveanswers that yourpartner will giveyou for free.

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Love is blind butmarriage is aneye-opener.

Love is blind butmarriage is aneye-opener.

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I take my wifeeverywhere, butshe keepsfinding her wayback.

I take my wifeeverywhere, butshe keepsfinding her wayback.

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Filthy, StinkingRich - Well, TwoOut of ThreeAin't Bad

Filthy, StinkingRich - Well, TwoOut of ThreeAin't Bad

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Real Men Don'tWaste TheirHormonesGrowing Hair

Real Men Don'tWaste TheirHormonesGrowing Hair

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Upon the Adviceof My Attorney,My BumperSticker Bears NoMessage at ThisTime

Upon the Adviceof My Attorney,My BumperSticker Bears NoMessage at ThisTime

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Wrinkled WasNot One of theThings I Wantedto Be When IGrew Up

Wrinkled WasNot One of theThings I Wantedto Be When IGrew Up

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Procrastinate NowProcrastinate Now

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Rehab is forQuittersRehab is forQuitters

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My Dog CanLick AnyoneMy Dog CanLick Anyone

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I Have a Degreein Liberal Arts-Do You WantFries With That?

I Have a Degreein Liberal Arts-Do You WantFries With That?

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ALL MEN AREIDIOTS, AND IMARRIED THEIRKING

ALL MEN AREIDIOTS, AND IMARRIED THEIRKING

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A hangover isthe wrath ofgrapes

A hangover isthe wrath ofgrapes

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STUPIDITY IS NOTA HANDICAP.Park somewhereelse!

STUPIDITY IS NOTA HANDICAP.Park somewhereelse!

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They call it PMSbecause MadCow Diseasewas alreadytaken

They call it PMSbecause MadCow Diseasewas alreadytaken

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He who dies withthe most toys is,nonetheless, dead

He who dies withthe most toys is,nonetheless, dead

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Heck Is WherePeople Go WhoDon't Believe InGosh

Heck Is WherePeople Go WhoDon't Believe InGosh

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A PICTURE IS WORTHA THOUSAND WORDSBut it uses up athousand times thememory

A PICTURE IS WORTHA THOUSAND WORDSBut it uses up athousand times thememory

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Page 18 Bumper Stickers

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Time flies like anarrow. Fruit flieslike a banana.

Time flies like anarrow. Fruit flieslike a banana.

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HAM AND EGGS -A day's work for achicken; A lifetimecommitment for apig.

HAM AND EGGS -A day's work for achicken; A lifetimecommitment for apig.

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Hard Work WillPay Off Later.Laziness Pays OffNow!

Hard Work WillPay Off Later.Laziness Pays OffNow!

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The trouble withlife is there's nobackgroundmusic.

The trouble withlife is there's nobackgroundmusic.

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Two rights do notmake a wrong.They make anairplane.

Two rights do notmake a wrong.They make anairplane.

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My Wild Oats HaveTurned IntoShredded Wheat

My Wild Oats HaveTurned IntoShredded Wheat

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(Around a pictureof dandelions):I Fought the Lawnand the Lawn Won

(Around a pictureof dandelions):I Fought the Lawnand the Lawn Won

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So Many Men, SoFew Who CanAfford Me

So Many Men, SoFew Who CanAfford Me

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I Suffer OccasionalDelusions ofAdequacy

I Suffer OccasionalDelusions ofAdequacy

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God Made Us Sisters;Prozac Made UsFriends

God Made Us Sisters;Prozac Made UsFriends

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At My Age, I've SeenIt All, Done It All,Heard It All - I JustCan't Remember It All

At My Age, I've SeenIt All, Done It All,Heard It All - I JustCan't Remember It All

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My Mother Is a TravelAgent for Guilt TripsMy Mother Is a TravelAgent for Guilt Trips

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Page 20 Bumper Stickers

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I Just Do Whatthe VoicesInside My HeadTell Me to Do

I Just Do Whatthe VoicesInside My HeadTell Me to Do

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If It's CalledTourist Season,Why Can't WeHunt Them?

If It's CalledTourist Season,Why Can't WeHunt Them?

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Remain.comRemain.com

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Princess, HavingHad SufficientExperience withPrinces, SeeksFrogs.

Princess, HavingHad SufficientExperience withPrinces, SeeksFrogs.

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(Seen on the back of amotorcyclist):If You Can Read This,My Wife Fell Off

(Seen on the back of amotorcyclist):If You Can Read This,My Wife Fell Off

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I Used to beSchizophrenic, butWe're OK Now

I Used to beSchizophrenic, butWe're OK Now

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Page 21 Bumper Stickers

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If I Had Known Beinga Grandparent WasSo Much Fun, IWould Have Done ItFirst!

If I Had Known Beinga Grandparent WasSo Much Fun, IWould Have Done ItFirst!

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(Over the outlineof the state ofMinnesota):My GovernorCan Beat UpYour Governor

(Over the outlineof the state ofMinnesota):My GovernorCan Beat UpYour Governor

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Veni, Vidi, Visa: ICame, I Saw, I Dida Little Shopping

Veni, Vidi, Visa: ICame, I Saw, I Dida Little Shopping

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What if the HokeyPokey Is ReallyWhat It's All About?

What if the HokeyPokey Is ReallyWhat It's All About?

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Coffee, Chocolate,Men...SomeThings are JustBetter Rich

Coffee, Chocolate,Men...SomeThings are JustBetter Rich

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Liberal ArtsMajor...Will Thinkfor Food

Liberal ArtsMajor...Will Thinkfor Food

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Growing Old IsInevitable;Growing Up IsOptional

Growing Old IsInevitable;Growing Up IsOptional

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Don't Treat Me AnyDifferently Than YouWould the Queen

Don't Treat Me AnyDifferently Than YouWould the Queen

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IRS

Be Audit You Can Be

IRS

Be Audit You Can Be

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Gravity...It's NotJust a Good Idea.It's the Law.

Gravity...It's NotJust a Good Idea.It's the Law.

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If You Want Breakfastin Bed, Sleep in theKitchen

If You Want Breakfastin Bed, Sleep in theKitchen

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In Dog Years, I'm DeadIn Dog Years, I'm Dead

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Love May Be Blind,But Marriage Is aReal Eye-opener

Love May Be Blind,But Marriage Is aReal Eye-opener

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If at First You Don'tSucceed, SkydivingIsn't for You

If at First You Don'tSucceed, SkydivingIsn't for You

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The Trouble with theGene Pool Is thatThere's No Life Guard

The Trouble with theGene Pool Is thatThere's No Life Guard

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It's Hard to be NostalgicWhen You Can'tRemember Anything

It's Hard to be NostalgicWhen You Can'tRemember Anything

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Dinner Is Readywhen the SmokeAlarm Goes Off

Dinner Is Readywhen the SmokeAlarm Goes Off

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I'm Going to Graduateon Time, No MatterHow Long It Takes

I'm Going to Graduateon Time, No MatterHow Long It Takes

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Anything Not WorthDoing Is Not WorthDoing Well

Anything Not WorthDoing Is Not WorthDoing Well

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A Day withoutSunshine Is LikeNight

A Day withoutSunshine Is LikeNight

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First Things First,But Not Necessarilyin That Order

First Things First,But Not Necessarilyin That Order

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Old Age Comes at aBad TimeOld Age Comes at aBad Time

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I'm not into workingout. My philosophy:No pain, no pain.

I'm not into workingout. My philosophy:No pain, no pain.

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The reason mostpeople play golf isto wear clothes theywould not be caughtdead in otherwise.

The reason mostpeople play golf isto wear clothes theywould not be caughtdead in otherwise.

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Ever wonder ifilliterate people getthe full effect ofalphabet soup?

Ever wonder ifilliterate people getthe full effect ofalphabet soup?

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I always wanted tobe somebody, but Ishould have beenmore specific

I always wanted tobe somebody, but Ishould have beenmore specific

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Why does Sea Worldhave a seafoodrestaurant?

Why does Sea Worldhave a seafoodrestaurant?

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I'm halfwaythrough myfishburger and Irealize, Oh myGosh... I could beeating a slowlearner.

I'm halfwaythrough myfishburger and Irealize, Oh myGosh... I could beeating a slowlearner.

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I can please onlyone person per day.Today is not yourday. Tomorrow isn'tlooking good either.

I can please onlyone person per day.Today is not yourday. Tomorrow isn'tlooking good either.

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I don't have anattitude problem.You have aperception problem.

I don't have anattitude problem.You have aperception problem.

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Everyone has aright to be stupid.Some just abusethe privilege.

Everyone has aright to be stupid.Some just abusethe privilege.

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Young at Heart.Slightly Older inOther Places.

Young at Heart.Slightly Older inOther Places.

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Minds are likeparachutes. Theywork best whenopen.

Minds are likeparachutes. Theywork best whenopen.

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Just because you'resmart does notmean that the otherguy is stupid.

Just because you'resmart does notmean that the otherguy is stupid.

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Indecision is the keyto flexibility.Indecision is the keyto flexibility.

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I love deadlines. Iespecially like thewhooshing soundthey make as theygo flying by.

I love deadlines. Iespecially like thewhooshing soundthey make as theygo flying by.

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If swimming is sogood for yourfigure, how do youexplain whales?

If swimming is sogood for yourfigure, how do youexplain whales?

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Am I getting smartwith you? .…Andeven if I were, howwould you know?

Am I getting smartwith you? .…Andeven if I were, howwould you know?

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I put the fun indysfunctional.I put the fun indysfunctional.

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All I ask is that youtreat me nodifferently than youwould the Queen.

All I ask is that youtreat me nodifferently than youwould the Queen.

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I get plenty ofexercise --jumping toconclusions,pushing my luck,and dodgingdeadlines.

I get plenty ofexercise --jumping toconclusions,pushing my luck,and dodgingdeadlines. Actual Bumper StickersActual Bumper Stickers

On the keyboard oflife, always keep onefinger on the escapekey.

On the keyboard oflife, always keep onefinger on the escapekey.

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I have not yet begunto procrastinate.I have not yet begunto procrastinate.

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I'd give my right armto be ambidextrous.I'd give my right armto be ambidextrous.

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There are two rules forultimate success in life.

1. Never tell everything you know.

There are two rules forultimate success in life.

1. Never tell everything you know.

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I'd explain it to you,but your brain wouldexplode.

I'd explain it to you,but your brain wouldexplode.

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Do not meddle in theaffairs of dragons,for you are crunchyand taste good withketchup.

Do not meddle in theaffairs of dragons,for you are crunchyand taste good withketchup.

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Middle age is whenyou choose yourcereal for the fiber,not the toy.

Middle age is whenyou choose yourcereal for the fiber,not the toy.

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The more youcomplain, the longerGod lets you live.

The more youcomplain, the longerGod lets you live.

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If you can remaincalm, you just don'thave all the facts.

If you can remaincalm, you just don'thave all the facts.

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When cheese getsits picture taken,what does it say?

When cheese getsits picture taken,what does it say?

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Why are a wise manand a wise guyopposites?

Why are a wise manand a wise guyopposites?

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If horrific means tomake horrible, doesterrific mean tomake terrible?

If horrific means tomake horrible, doesterrific mean tomake terrible?

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Do infants enjoyinfancy as muchas adults enjoyadultery?

Do infants enjoyinfancy as muchas adults enjoyadultery?

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Page 30 Bumper Stickers

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Why is a personwho plays the pianocalled a pianist, buta person who drivesa race car not calleda racist?

Why is a personwho plays the pianocalled a pianist, buta person who drivesa race car not calleda racist?

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If love is blind, why islingerie so popular?If love is blind, why islingerie so popular?

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When someone asksyou, A penny for yourthoughts, and you putyour two cents in,what happens to theother penny?

When someone asksyou, A penny for yourthoughts, and you putyour two cents in,what happens to theother penny?

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Why is the man whoinvests all yourmoney called abroker?

Why is the man whoinvests all yourmoney called abroker?

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If you mixed vodkawith orange juiceand milk ofmagnesia, wouldyou get a PhilipsScrewdriver?

If you mixed vodkawith orange juiceand milk ofmagnesia, wouldyou get a PhilipsScrewdriver?

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If lawyers are disbarred andclergymen defrocked, doesn'tit follow that electricians canbe delighted, musiciansdenoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, treesurgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

If lawyers are disbarred andclergymen defrocked, doesn'tit follow that electricians canbe delighted, musiciansdenoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, treesurgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

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Page 31 Bumper Stickers

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Do Roman paramedicsrefer to IV's as 4's?Do Roman paramedicsrefer to IV's as 4's?

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A person whosmiles in the face ofadversity probablyhas a scapegoat.

A person whosmiles in the face ofadversity probablyhas a scapegoat.

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It's only unethical ifyou get caught.It's only unethical ifyou get caught.

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Never put off untiltomorrow what youcan avoidaltogether.

Never put off untiltomorrow what youcan avoidaltogether.

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100,000 sperm andYOU were the fastest?100,000 sperm andYOU were the fastest?

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You're just jealousbecause the voicesare talking to me &not you!

You're just jealousbecause the voicesare talking to me &not you!

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You are depriving somepoor village somewhereof its IDIOT

You are depriving somepoor village somewhereof its IDIOT

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Grow your owndope, plant a manGrow your owndope, plant a man

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All Men Are Animals,Some Just MakeBetter Pets

All Men Are Animals,Some Just MakeBetter Pets

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Some people are onlyalive because it isillegal to shoot them.

Some people are onlyalive because it isillegal to shoot them.

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I used to have a handleon life, but it broke.I used to have a handleon life, but it broke.

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WANTED: Meaningfulovernight relationship.WANTED: Meaningfulovernight relationship.

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BEER: It's not just forbreakfast anymore.BEER: It's not just forbreakfast anymore.

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I need someonereally bad...Areyou really bad?

I need someonereally bad...Areyou really bad?

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We’re the IRS: We'vegot what it takes totake what you've got.

We’re the IRS: We'vegot what it takes totake what you've got.

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Reality is a crutchfor people who can'thandle drugs.

Reality is a crutchfor people who can'thandle drugs.

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Consciousness:That annoying timebetween naps.

Consciousness:That annoying timebetween naps.

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Ever stop to think, &forget to start again?Ever stop to think, &forget to start again?


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