CONTROLYOURANGER

IntroductionBack in 1952 Mr. Newbold Morris was appointed by the president to a veryimportantpost.Itwashisdutytokeepaclosecheckoncrimeandmismanagementingovernmentaffairs.Ononeoccasion,however,Mr.Morrishimselfwascalledtoappear before a Senate sub‐committee to answer questions concerning aninappropriatebusinessdeal.Theinterrogationbecameintenseandemotionsranhigh.Atthepeakofheightenedemotions, just when a roomful of angryMount Versuviuseswere about to erupt,Morris recalled a note his wife had given him thatmorning. He reached into hispocket,pulledout thepieceofpaper,called for theattentionof theassembly,anddeclared, “I have an important announcement frommywife, she says, ‘Keep yourshirton!’”(OurDailyBread,8/24/93)“Keepyourshirton!”Thisisverygoodcounsel.Itisalsoverybiblicalcounsel.OurnexttopicalstudyfromProverbsdealswiththesubjectofhumananger:Whathappenswhenwelosecontrol?Howshouldwehandlethoseprovokingsituations?Mrs.Morris’advicetoherhusbandmaywellserveasaguidingthemeforournexttopicalstudy:Keepyourshirton!Controlyouranger.I.ControlYourAnger,andSoSpareYourselffromFoolishBehavior(Proverbs14:17;Proverbs14:29;Proverbs19:19;Proverbs29:22)Aquick­temperedmanwilldofoolishthings…(Prov.14:17a)When you lose your temper you also lose your reason and your long‐rangeperspective.Later,whentheflamesofyourangerhavebeenextinguished,whenyoureturntoyoursenses,youregretfullysurveythedamage:hurtfulwordsthatleavedeepwounds;brokenrelationshipscutoffbydeepandwidechasms;stupiddecisionsthatsometimescanneverbeundone.

Whenyousurrendertoyourtemper,rememberwhatelseyouaresurrendering:yourreason,your long‐rangeperspective—andrememberwhatyouaregettingin exchange: the painful consequences of foolish behavior, some of whichconsequencesmaylastforalifetime.

Hewho is slow to anger has great understanding, but hewho has a hastyspiritexaltsfolly.(Prov.14:29)If you act impulsively, if you cast off self‐restraint, you are going to exalt folly.That is tosay,youaregoing to liftupandhonor foolish,mischievousandeven

evilbehavior.TheHebrewword translated “folly” (tl6w6a3 or lw3a65)hasnotonlythe meaning, “to be silly or stupid,” but also has the root meaning, “to beperverse.”Whenyouactimpulsively,whenyouallowyourselftobecontrolledbyyouranger,youbecomeaslavetofolly.Atyourownexpenseandtoyourshameyouletfollyrule.NotethedirectivewearegiveninRomans6:12‐14,…donotletsinreigninyourmortalbodysothatyouobeyitsevildesires.13Donotoffer thepartsofyourbodytosin,as instrumentsofwickedness,butratherofferyourselvestoGod,asthosewhohavebeenbroughtfromdeathtolife;andoffertheparts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness; 14for sin shall not beyourmaster,becauseyouarenotunderlaw,butundergrace.(Rom.6:12‐14)

Amanofgreatwrathshallbearthepenalty,forifyoudeliverhim,youmustdosoagain.(Prov.19:19)

Whenyou surrender yourself to your temper you arehanding yourself over tothedevilforhisdestructiveuse;butafterwardyoureceive“thebill”fordamagesdone!Oftentimesyoumustdealwithsuchconsequencesasremorse,regret,guilt,shame,andalienation.Thelatterpartofthisproverbindicatesthatthispatternwillcontinuetorepeatitselfunlessyoudealwith therootcause.Unlessyour temper isharnessedandsurrenderedtothecontrolofChrist,itshallcontinuetorunroughshodwreckinghavoc,nomatterhowmanytimesyourfriendspickupthepiecesanddodamagecontrol. Indeed, unless your temper is harnessed it is inevitable that you shalleventually pay the price for damages done—nomatter how often your friendsseektointerveneonyourbehalf.Anangrymanstirsupstrife,andawrathfulmancommitsanabundanceoftransgressions.(Prov.29:22)

Ifyouapproachavolatilesituationwithanangryspirit,orinsuchasituationyouallowyourangertobeignited,itislikethrowingalitmatchintoapileofkindlingwood.Bywayof illustration:Theneighbor’ssonhasbrokenyourwindowwithhisbaseball,nowyoupayavisittoyourneighborwiththeballinhandandyourtemperrising,whatisgoingtobethelikelyoutcome?ThemessageofProverbsisthatweshouldbeonguardtobeslowtoanger,andtherebyspareourselvesfromfoolishandregretfulbehavior.ConsidertheinsightofProverbs16:32,“Hewhoisslowtoangerisgreaterthanthemighty,andhewhocontrolshisspiritisgreaterthanhewhoconquersacity.”

II.ControlYourAnger,andThusMakeaGodlyResponsetoProvocation(Prov.15:1;Prov.15:18;Prov.16:32;Prov.21:14;Prov.22:24­25)

Acontriteanswerturnsawaywrath;butaharshwordstirsupanger.(Prov.15:1)

In a highly charged emotional situation, the response that is gentle, kind andcontrite isthekindthatturnsawayrisinganger.TheHebrewtermsometimestranslated “a soft answer” (]5k1r2) literally means “a contrite answer.” In otherwords,theadmissionofguiltwhenoneisatfaultandtheseekingofforgivenessfromtheoffendedparty.Whenwrathisstirredupagainstusourfirstreactionistodefendourselvesandjustify ourselves. But if we pause to listen and reflect, we will often timesdiscoverthattherewassomejustcausefortheangerdirectedagainstus.Ifuponmaking such a discovery, we respond with a humble and contrite reply—honestly admitting our fault and expressing our regret and seekingforgiveness—wewillbedoingagreatdealtoalleviatethesituationandopenadoorforreconciliation.

Withregardtothismatter,considerthefollowingpassagesofScripture:

If it ispossible,as faras itdependsonyou, liveatpeacewitheveryone. (Rom.12:18;) i.e., do all that is within your power to live at peace with yourneighbor.Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutualedification.(Rom.14:19)

Thereforeconfessyoursinstoeachotherandprayforeachother...(Jam.5:16)

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger pacifiescontention.(Prov.15:18)Ifyouexerciseself‐controlanddemonstrateaquietspirit,youputstrifetorest.Conversely,ifyouallowyourangertobeignited,youcausestrifetoflareupintoanuncontrollableconflagration.ConsiderProverbs15:16‐18,“Itisbettertohavea little with the fear of Jehovah than to have great wealth with turmoil. 17It isbettertohaveamealofvegetableswherethereislovethantofeastonafattenedcalf with hatred. 18A wrathful man stirs up strife; but he who is slow to angerpacifiescontention.”NotehowIsaacexemplifiedthisbehavior,thisresponsetoaprovokingsituation:

IsaacreopenedthewellsthathadbeenduginthedaysofAbrahamhisfather,because thePhilistines hadplugged themupafter the death ofAbraham.Hegavethemthesamenameshisfatherhadgiventhem.19WhenIsaac’sservantsweredigginginthevalleytheydiscoveredthereasourceofspringwater.20But

the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen, saying, The waterbelongs to us. So Isaac named the well, Esek [Contention], because theycontended with him. 21Then they dug another well, and they quarreled overthatonealso.SohenameditSitnah[Enmity].22Hemovedonfromthereanddugyetanotherwell.Andtheydidnotcontendforit.SohenameditRehoboth[Roomforus],declaring,NowJehovahhasmaderoomforusandweshallbefruitfulintheland.(Gen.26:18‐22)

RatherthanstrivewiththeherdsmenofGeraroverpossessionofthewells,Isaacmovedonanddug forwaterelsewhere.Whywasheable tobeso forbearing?The answer lies in the experience Isaac had earlier in his life, the incidentdescribed in Genesis 22 where he became the willing sacrifice laid upon thealtar:

AfterthesethingsGodtestedAbraham.Hesaidtohim,Abraham.AndAbrahamreplied,Heream I. 2AndGod said,Now take your son, your only son, the sonwhomyoulove,Isaac,andgotothelandofMoriah.OfferhimthereasaburntofferingupononeofthemountainsofwhichIwilltellyou…9Thentheycametothe place of which God had told him. There Abraham built the altar, andarranged thewoodupon it.Thenhebound Isaachis sonand laidhimon thealtarontopof thewood. 10ThenAbrahamreachedouthishandandtooktheknifetoslayhisson.(Gen.22:1‐2,9‐10)

OnceyouhavegivenupyourlifeuntoGod,itbecomessomucheasiertogiveupanythingelse.Onceyouhavediedtotheworld,youtendtolookatthethingsofthe world in a new light and from a different perspective. Once you haveexperiencedGod’sfaithfulness,youhavegreaterconfidenceinHispromisesanda greater conviction that you can trustHim to take care of you,meet all yourneeds,andeventuallygranttoyouthefullnessofHispromisedblessing.Ratherthan strivewith theherdsmenofGerar, Isaac trusted in theLORD to fulfillHispromise in His time and in His way, note Genesis 13:14‐15, “Jehovah said toAbram, ‘Now liftupyoureyes fromtheplacewhereyouareand looknorthwardandsouthwardandeastwardandwestward;15becauseIwillgivetoyouandtoyourdescendantsforeverallthelandthatyousee.’”

Note: The example of Isaac’s forbearance does not necessarily mean that aChristianmaynever standup forhis rights, aswe see in the caseofAbrahamrecordedinGenesis21:25,“ThenAbrahamcomplainedtoAbimelechaboutawellofwaterthatAbimelech’sservantshadseized.”

Hewhoisslowtoangerisgreaterthanthemighty,andhewhocontrolshisspiritisgreaterthanhewhoconquersacity.(Prov.16:32)Thestoryistoldthatthereasonthegreatbaseballplayer,BabeRuth,wascalled“TheBabe”wasbecausehenevergrewup—henever learned to exercise self‐control, he never attained emotional, spiritual and moral maturity; he everremained“TheBabe.”

In our self‐directed, self‐centered culture, people are no longer required to“growup;”ratherthanprogresstowardmaturity,theyareencouragedtoregressback to infancy—one prime example of this is the counsel of psychology JohnBradshaw:

Bradshaw insists, “weareall infantswithneeds.”And thoseneedsmustbemet,evenifthatmeansreturningtothewomb.AsrecipientsofBradshaw’s“treatment,”grownmenandwomensitaroundholdingteddybears,listeningtomaternalheartbeats,whileBradshawurges them to imagine themselvesbackinthewombandasinfants.…Saint Paul may have put aside the thoughts of a child when he reachedmanhood;Bradshawwantstoreversetheprocess.Rather than seeing maturity as a cure for the endless demands andfrustrationsoftheinnerchild,guruslikeBradshawproclaimthenecessityofturninginwardandbackwardintotheabsolutismofthemythicalandperfectwomblife.(ANationofVictims,CharlesJSykes,pp.142‐143)

NotethatinProverbs16:32theone“whoisslowtoanger”isfurtherdescribedasthe one “who controls his spirit.” In other words, being slow to anger is anexerciseinself‐control.Itisanevidenceofspiritualandmoralmaturity;thetypethattheApostlePetercallsupontheChristiantocultivate:

…givingallyoureffort,addvirtuetoyourfaith,andaddknowledgetovirtue,6andaddself­control toknowledge,andaddperseverancetoself­control,andaddgodliness to perseverance, 7andaddbrotherly affection to godliness, andadd love to brotherly affection. 8If you possess these qualities in increasingmeasure, they will prevent you from being either useless or unfruitful withregardtotheknowledgeofourLordJesusChrist.(2Pet.1:5‐8)

Self‐controlisalsoafruitoftheHolySprit,anattributethatisdevelopedinourlivesasweyieldourselvestotheHolySpiritandHisworkofgrace:“thefruitofthe Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, integrity, 23meekness,self­control”(Gal.5:22‐23.)A gift given secretly pacifies anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloakpacifiesgreatwrath.(Prov.21:14)

This proverb is simply stating a fact of human nature and human interaction:You cannot long remain angry with someone who gives you gifts; especiallywhen the kindness is done quietly and without fanfare (“secretly,”) therebydemonstratingthesincereandgenerousmotiveofgoodwillasProverbs21:14aindicates.Bywayofexample,noteJacob’sgifttoEsauandtheaffectithadupontheirrelationship:

[Jacob]spentthenightthere,andfromwhathehadwithhimheselectedagiftforhisbrotherEsau:14twohundredfemalegoatsandtwentymalegoats,two

hundredewesandtwentyrams,15thirtyfemalecamelswiththeiryoung,fortycowsandtenbulls,andtwentyfemaledonkeysandtenmaledonkeys.16Heputtheminthecareofhisservants,eachherdbyitself,andsaidtohisservants,“Goaheadofme,andkeepsomespacebetweentheherds.”17Heinstructedtheonein the lead: When my brother Esau meets you and asks, “To whom do youbelong,andwhereareyougoing,andwhoownsall theseanimals in frontofyou?”18thenyouaretosay,“TheybelongtoyourservantJacob.Theyareagiftsent tomy lord Esau, and he is coming behindme.” 19He also instructed thesecond,thethirdandalltheotherswhofollowedtheherds:Youaretosaythesame thing to Esauwhen youmeet him. 20And be sure to say, “Your servantJacob iscomingbehindus.”Hethought, “Iwillpacifyhimwiththesegifts Iamsendingonahead;later,whenIseehim,perhapshewillreceiveme.”21So Jacob’sgiftswentonaheadofhim,buthehimself spent thenight in thecamp. …4… Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his armsaroundhisneckandkissedhim.Andtheywept.(Gen.32:13‐21,Gen.33:4)

Anhonestbiblicalapplicationofthisprincipleisexpressedinsuchpassagesasthese:

ButItellyouwhohearme:Loveyourenemies,dogoodtothosewhohateyou,28blessthosewhocurseyou,prayforthosewhomistreatyou.(i.e.; thosewhotreatyouwithmalice,contemptorhatred)(Lk.6:27‐28)

Donotbeovercomebyevil,butovercomeevilwithgood.(Rom.12:21)

Donotbecomefriendswithaquick­temperedman,anddonotassociatewithawrathfulman, 25or youmay learnhiswaysandbecomeensnared. (Prov.22:24‐25)

Verse 24 warns us to avoid developing a friendship or even cultivating anacquaintancewithamanwhoallowshisangertocontrolhim.Verse25suppliesthereason.Whetherwerealize itornot,wetendtobecomelike the company we keep—and suffer the inevitable consequences of thebehaviorwelearnfromthem.

ThemessageofProverbsisthis:Controlyouranger,andbysodoingyouwillbemakingagodlyresponsetoprovocations:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speakand slow to becomeangry;20forman’swrathdoesnotbringabout the righteousnessofGod. (Jam.1:19‐20)

III.ControlYourAnger,andLeaveVengeancetoTheLORD(Proverbs20:22)

Do not say, “I will repay evil!” wait for Jehovah, and he will deliver you.(Prov.20:22)Wemaynotengageinpersonalactsofvengeanceandretribution;becausebysodoingwearesinfullyusurpingaprerogativeGodhasreserved forHimself:“Donotavengeyourselves, beloved,butallowGod to expresshiswrath, for it iswritten,Vengeancebelongstome;Iwillrepay,saystheLORD”(Rom.12:19.)WearetobeimitatorsofourLordJesusChrist:“Whentheyinsultedhim,hedidnot insult them; when he suffered, he did not threaten; rather, he committedhimselftohimwhojudgesrighteously”(1Pet.2:23.)

ThemessageofProverbsisthis:Controlyouranger,andleavevengeanceinthehandsoftheLORD:

Godisjust;Hewillpaybackafflictiontothosewhoafflictyou7andgivereliefto youwho are afflicted, and to us aswell. Thiswill happenwhen the LordJesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. (2Thess.1:6‐7)

ConclusionRemembertheverygoodcounselMrs.Morrisgavetoherhusband:Keepyourshirton! In biblical terms, Control Your Anger. By so doing, 1) youwill spare yourselffromfoolishbehavior;2)youwillbemakingagodlyresponsetoprovocations;and3)youwillrightlybeleavingvengeanceinthehandsoftheLORD.