Do now: Describe the Scene

Today’s Agenda

• Do Now

• Notes on Vivid Scenery

• Practice writing vivid scenery

• Peer review of writing piece

• Revise your scenery paragraph

• Incorporate vivid scenery into your short story.

Vivid Scenery Descriptions

Creative Writing

Mr. Way

11/26/13

Standards Based Instruction

• ELA 11-12 Writing

2.1 Write fictional, autobiographical, or biographical narratives:

b. Locate scenes and incidents in specific places.

c. Describe with concrete sensory details the sights, sounds, and smells of a scene and the specific actions, movements, gestures, and feelings of the characters; use interior monologue to depict the characters' feelings.

SWBAT

• Create rich sensory descriptions and include them appropriately in stories.

Why?• Being able to describe what you see is

important not just for writing, but for speaking as well.

• Expanding your vocabulary makes you appear more intelligent

Overview

1. Include several major images of a scene, and describe them in detail.

2. Your reader has five senses; engage them all in turn.

3. An adjective for every noun! (Well, maybe not every noun)

4. Use adverbs sparingly (Limit adverb usage)

Include Several Major Details

• Standard ELA Writing 2.1B“Locate scenes and incidents in specific places.”

• All you’d have to say is “They were at the beach.”

• However, that doesn’t 2.1C:

“Describe with concrete sensory details the sights, sounds, and smells of a scene”

“He was at the beach”

“He was at the beach”

“He was at the beach”

Include Details of the Scene

• As you can see, one sentence isn’t enough to describe the scene.

• Envision the scene

• Pick out the most major details

• Write about them

What are important images?

• He was at the beach in the afternoon. A few clouds were in the sky. Many people were swimming in the ocean or soaking up the sun. Just beyond the sand, there was a promenade with many restaurants and a Ferris wheel.

Which of your 5 senses does this paragraph activate?

•He was at the beach in the afternoon. A few clouds were in the sky. Many people were swimming in the ocean or soaking up the sun. Just beyond the sand, there was a promenade with many restaurants and a Ferris wheel.

Your reader has 5 senses

• Just sight is boring.

• Don’t describe a photograph, describe the scene!

• For all descriptions, include at least three senses, and try to vary it so you get to all 5 regularly throughout the story.

What smells, feelings, sounds, tastes?

• He was at the beach. A breeze on his chest let him lie in the sun. A few clouds were in sky. All around, he could hear the shouts of the people around him against the sound of tides. He was close enough to the promenade up the beach that some smell of a meal periodically filled his nostrils. Maybe it was just the salt water in the air, but he swore he could almost taste each one.

Details vs . Vivid Detail

• What makes a scene “vivid?”– Adjectives for every noun!– Strong verbs– Adverbs…if you must…

• Don’t just tell us all the important details of the scene. Describe each detail with at least one word!

• He was at the beach. A soothing ocean breeze on his chest let him lie comfortably in the heat of the midday sun. A few puffy clouds passed slowly across sky. All around, he could hear the playful shouts of the people around him against the soothing rhythm of the tides. He was close enough to the promenade up the beach that some intoxicating scent of a freshly cooked meal periodically filled his nostrils. Maybe it was just the salt water in the air, but he swore he could almost taste each one.

Replace Adverbs

• Adverbs are a crutch for a weak vocabulary.

• Find better verbs and better adjectives so they don’t need an adverb to help them.

• (When I say “find” feel free to use a thesaurus if you can’t think of any)

Replace adverbs

• How can we change the following adverbs?– Lie comfortably– Playful shouts– Passed slowly

Replace Adverbs

• Instead of “lie comfortably” say “relax”

• Instead of “playful shouts” how about “squeals and shouts”

• Instead of “passed slowly” how about “drifted”

“He was at the beach.”

Finished product• He was at the beach. A soothing ocean breeze

on his chest let him relax in the heat of the midday sun. A few puffy clouds drifted across sky. All around, he could hear the squeals and shouts of the people around him against the soothing rhythm of the tides. He was close enough to the promenade up the beach that some intoxicating scents of freshly cooked meals periodically filled his nostrils. Maybe it was just the salt water in the air, but he swore he could almost taste each one.

Review

• What are the four guidelines you should follow to create vivid imagery?

Review

1. Include several major images of a scene, and describe them in detail.

2. Your reader has five senses; engage them all in turn.

3. An adjective for every noun! (Well, maybe not every noun)

4. Use adverbs sparingly (Limit adverb usage)

Give One, Get One

• Brainstorm one detail for each of 5 senses• When Mr. Way gives the signal, stand up,

walk to somebody who sits on the other side of the room.

• Shake hands (or ‘Hood equivalent) and share one detail you could use to write about the scene.

• When Mr. Way gives the signal, repeat the process.

Brainstorm 5 details (1 for each sense)