Resignation with and Adaptation to the work place, supervisors, roles, positions, and expectations.

Change what we can, accept what is

Sources of Power

• Age• Experience• Authority• Threats• Ridicule• Power to build

coalitions• Power to Withhold – cooperation –benefits

What’s Your Super Power?

Bullying

B is for Bully copyright 2010 Reason Press

• Irrational demands

• Belligerent refusals to cooperate

• Last minute requests

• Name calling

• Shunning

• Back Biting

• Misleading comments

• Obstruction

Deliberate and repeated abuse of power

B is for Bully copyright 2010 Reason Press

Deliberate & Repeated Abuse of Power

• Extortion– Quid pro quo– threats

• Shunning• Gamesmanship• Shaming

V is for Victim copyright 2010 Reason Press

Who Bullied you?Who Have You Bullied?

Bullying is a Behavior Not a

Person

Left outIsolatedUnwelcomeDisconnectedJudgedMisunderstoodTargetedOverwhelmedFrustrated DisappointedGuiltyEmbarrassed

People who have experienced trauma will reflexively play out all the trauma roles of victim, predator and savior.

The Truth

Tit for Tat?

Cooperate Retaliate for Betrayal Forgive

Return to Cooperation

Z is for Zen Master copyright 2010 Reason Press

conditional cooperation is more effective than threats, shaming,

shunning, back-biting and the like

F is for Friend copyright 2010 Reason Press

Tit for Tat is never repeatedly victimized &never gets locked into mutually costly chains of

mutual betrayal

Difficult People

D is for Drama Queen copyright 2010 Reason Press

They are not irrational; they have hidden constraints– Institutional– Precedential– Promises to others– Deadlines

P is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press

They’re not evil; they have hidden interests– Personal (unrelated

to you or deal)– Relational (related to

you but not to the deal, i.e., “face”)

– Political, social, cultural

O Is for Outlaw copyright 2010 Reason Press

• They’re not difficult, they are uninformed– Educate them about their

true interests, consequences of their actions

– Help them understand what is in their best interest

– May have misunderstood or ignored a crucial piece of information

I is for Idiot copyright 2010 Reason Press

Be a conflict hero

H is for Hero copyright 2010 Reason Press

Form Circles of Four

• Listen respectfully• Focus on

understanding the problem

• Separate the problem from the people

• No emotional bullying

• Hopeful to find solutions

• What problems are important enough to address

• What problems do not need resolving

• Address each problem separately

• Encourage each member to explain why a suggested solution serves their interests and the group’s interests at the same time

• Address all fairness issues

Tell the Story• What happened• Each member of each circle

tells their own part of the conflict story

• Actively listen• Keep an open-mind,• Ask if anything has been

missed • Identify

miscommunications or incorrect assumptions

• One member shares table’s story with the rest of the group

• What, if anything, did you contribute to the conflict?

• What, if anything, did you do to fix the problem?

• Did this conflict have any negative effects on your work life?

• Did this conflict have any positive effects on your work life?

• What would work be like if this problem were solved?

Tell Your Part In it