1

Denial Worksheet Reproduced by permission from Patrick Carnes’ Facing the Shadow

There are many kinds of denial. A few of the primary categories are listed below. Beneath each of them is room for you to write your own examples of each type. Global Thinking: Attempting to justify why something is not a problem using terms like “always,” “never,” “no problem whatsoever.”

Rationalization: Justifying unacceptable behavior. “I don’t have a problem – I’m just sexually liberated.” “You people are such prudes!” “You’re crazy.”

Minimizing: Trying to make behavior or consequences seem smaller and less important than they are. “Only a little.” “Only once in a while.” “It is no big deal.”

Comparison: Shifting the focus to someone else to justify behaviors. “I’m not as bad as . . .”

Uniqueness: Thinking you are different or special. “My situation is different.” “I was hurt more.” That’s fine for you, but I’m too busy to go to group right now.”

Avoiding by creating an uproar or distraction: Being a clown and getting everyone laughing; angry outbursts meant to frighten; threats and posturing; shocking behavior that may be sexual.

Avoiding by omission: Trying to change the subject, ignore the subject, or manipulate the conversation to avoid talking about something. It is also leaving out important bits of information like the fact that a love is sixteen years old, or the person is your friend’s partner.

2

Blaming: “Well, you would cruise all night, too, if you had my job.” “If my wife/husband/partner weren’t so cold, I wouldn’t have to have an affair.” “I can’t help it – the baby cries day and night and makes me nervous.”

Intellectualizing: Avoiding feelings and responsibility by thinking or by asking why. Explaining everything. Getting lost in detail and storytelling. Pretending superior intellect and using intelligence as a weapon.

Hopelessness / helplessness: “I’m a victim, I can’t help it.” “There is nothing I can do to get better.” “I’m the worst.”

Manipulative behavior: Usually involves some distortion of reality including the use of power, lies, secrets, or guilt to exploit others.

Compartmentalizing: Separating your life into compartments in which you do things that you keep separate from other parts of your life.

Crazymaking: When confronted by others who do have a correct perception, telling them they are totally wrong. Acting indignantly toward them is an attempt to make them feel crazy by telling them, in a sense, that they cannot trust their own perceptions.

Seduction: The use of charm, humor, good looks, or helpfulness to gain sexual access and cover up insincerity.