dealing with bullying
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Dealing with Bullying. Maureen Tanis, MSW, LICSW Outpatient Behavioral Health Mayo Clinic Health System Mankato – Eastridge Clinic. Objectives. Understand the definition of bullying Increase awareness of the warning signs that a child might be experiencing bullying - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Dealing with Bullying
Maureen Tanis, MSW, LICSW
Outpatient Behavioral Health
Mayo Clinic Health System
Mankato – Eastridge Clinic
Objectives
Understand the definition of bullying Increase awareness of the warning signs that
a child might be experiencing bullying Understand dangers specific to cyberbullying Learn appropriate responses with which to
help a child deal with bullying Identify ways to prevent bullying
What is bullying?
Unwanted, aggressive behavior that happens more than once (or has the potential to be repetitive) and involves a real or perceived imbalance of power Attempts to control or harm others Intentional Makes a person feel unsafe or is hurtful Thrives on the imbalance of power
What is bullying?
Over 50% of children report being bullied 70% of middle school students report that
bullying is a “big problem” at school Nearly half of 15-17 year old girls say they
have been the victim of an online rumor, threatening message or other forms of bullying via electronic communication
79% of reported incidents happen at school
What is bullying?
Verbal bullying - “relational aggression” Teasing Name calling Racial slurs Gossip Malicious rumors Exclusion More indirect
90% of bullying is verbal
What is bullying?
Physical bullying Hitting, kicking Tripping, pushing Spitting Destroying property
What is bullying?
Cyberbullying (electronic aggression) Harassing emails Texting Social media Risk of anonymity, fake user names
Who is the bully?
Well connected to peers Have social power Like to dominate, be in charge Higher self esteem, want to confirm their status,
feel more powerful and in control
Who is the bully?
Isolated from peers Low self esteem Easily pressured by others Difficulty identifying with feelings of others
Who is the bully?
Other factors: Aggressive or easily frustrated Less parental involvement or issues at home Difficulty following rules View violence as positive Have friends who are bullies
Bullies don’t have to be bigger or stronger! Real or perceived power imbalance
Who is at risk of being bullied?
Differences Appearance New Socioeconomic status Academic ability or performance Perceived as weak, defenseless Low self-esteem, or appear depressed or anxious More isolated Behavior others perceive as “annoying”
Warning signs of bullying
It may not get reported out of fear Embarrassing Fear of retaliation Fear no one will believe them Feel like no one cares Fear of rejection by friends they feel they do have Fear of losing privileges (internet, cell phone)
Warning signs of bullying
Reluctance to go to school, ride the bus Headaches, stomachaches Sleep difficulties Declining school performance Damaged, missing clothing or belongings Lost money Unexplained injuries Isolated, few friends
Warning signs of bullying
Change in eating behavior after school Makes a “beeline” for the bathroom Behavior that is out of character Withdrawal
Talking about bullying
Support and encourage open communication with your child
If you are suspecting, ask Encourage your child to share his/her
concerns Express understanding/concern Remain calm, respond in a loving manner Remind them that they are not to blame Learn about it: who/where/when/witnesses
Talking about bullying
Do not assume or believe that it is normal or a rite of passage
Do not leave your child to handle it alone Don’t tell them just to ignore it Early intervention can help prevent lasting
problems Poor school performance Truancy Injury
Talking about bullying
Possible long term severe effects of bullying Depression, anxiety Other mental health issues May increase the risk of suicide or violence
If there are existing mental health issues, being bullied can make them worse
Helping your child respond to bullying
Do not promote fighting back Encourage your child to maintain his/her
composure Help them with the use of humor and
neutral responses and walk away, practice Say “stop” and walk away Help with self-confidence, practice Stick with friends or at least be with other
people
Helping your child respond to bullying
Ask teachers or school officials for help School counselor, social worker, principal Better than contacting parent yourself
Responding to bullying
Neutral responses: “so” “whatever” “you noticed” “you may be right” “and your point is?” “it’s ok - you don’t have to like me” “thanks for sharing” “let me know when you get over it”
Responding to bullying
Turn insults into compliments Ask questions Agree with the possibility HA HA SO
Help, Assert, Humor, Avoid, Self-talk, Own it Practice scenarios with your child to develop
the skill!
Responding to cyberbullying
Monitor your child’s electronic use Have password access!
Do not respond to or forward messages Block the person Log off for a period of time
Responding to cyberbullying
Keep evidence of cyberbullying Record, date, time, descriptions of instances Save and print screenshots, emails, texts Can be used to report to web and cell phone
providers
Responding to cyberbullying
When cyberbullying involves the following, report to law enforcement: Threats of violence Sending sexually explicit photos or messages Taking/sending a photo of someone when they
would expect privacy Stalking or hate crimes
Responding to bullying
In school: Intervene immediately Separate kids involved Model respectful behavior Help them get away Don’t ignore it Don’t immediately try to sort out or put kids on the
spot – talk to kids involved separately
What about the bully?
Greater risk of physical bullying by males Greater risk of relational aggression by
females Accept that your child could possibly be a
bully Take time to get all of the information and
listen to the people involved Avoid yelling or becoming physically
aggressive with your child
What about the bully?
Look at adult behavior that is being modeled for your child and help all family members learn healthy ways of expressing anger
Watch tone and words used with your child The behavior, not the child Clear consequences for bullying Make amends
What about the bully?
Help your child understand how it might feel to be bullied and that others dislike bullies
Know when to seek professional help, treatment is more effective if started early Without help, bullying can lead to serious school,
social, emotional, and legal problems
Preventing bullying
Boost your child’s self-confidence!! Encourage and facilitate participation in activities
that will raise their self esteem, and to do what they love - activities and interests protect against bullying
Teach your child self-respect Encourage the building of healthy friendships and
know their friends Stress the importance of body language Build social skills
Preventing bullying
Education about bullying Keep lines of communication open
Check in with your kids Tell me about one good/one bad thing today What is lunch like? What is the bus like?
Know when to seek professional help In school, be a safe person that is seen as a
resource
Preventing bullying
Help your child who may be the “bystander” Being friendly can go a long way in helping a person who is
being bullied Talk to the person, sit with them at lunch, listen, be
supportive Text or talk to them later, let the person know what
happened was not cool Be a distraction Don’t be the audience Ask the person being bullied if they can do anything to help Help the person being bullied to talk to a trusted adult
Preventing bullying
Be a role model for your children or students They are watching! Model kindness and respect Model support and tolerance, particularly for
diversity Model appropriate management of conflict, stress,
and frustration
Preventing bullying – School based responses
Should be comprehensive and long term Based on “Best Practices”
Building culture Respect for diversity Willingness to respond (the bystanders) Sense of belonging
Interventions should not further victimize the target of the bullying
“Nice” Projects Film: Minnesota Nice? - Alec Fischer 2012
Safe and Supportive Schools Act
Signed into law April 9, 2014 Defines bullying Addresses cyberbullying Requires districts to adopt a local or state policy Requires schools to offer programs to identify
and prevent bullying Establishment of a state multi-agency council to
assist schools
Dealing with Bullying - Summary
Be available and present for your child Support your child, help with skill building to
protect against and cope with Build self-esteem and encourage self confidence
and involvement in activities If your child is a bully, intervention is key Work towards a culture of inclusivity and
responding at school Starts at home and with you!
References Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard, Preventing and Responding to Cyberbullying
Sameer Hinduja, Justin W. Patchin Bullies to Buddies, How to Turn Your Enemies into Friends Izzy Kalman Cognitive Therapy for Adolescents in School Settings Torrey Creed, J. Reisweber, A.
Beck How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies Kate Cohen-Posey, M.S. Good-bye Bully Machine Debbie Fox, Alan Beane, PhD The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander Barbara Coloroso Mayoclinic.org Stopbullying.gov The Bully, The Bullied, and Beyond Esther Williams, MEd Little Girls Can Be Mean Michelle Anthony PhD, Reyna Lindert Phd Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain Trevor Romain Bullying Prevention Resource Guide The Colorado Trust 2008 Preventing Bullying and School Violence Stuart Twemlow MD, Frank Sacco PhD Relay Health 2012 Wiredsafety.org State of Minnesota: www.house.leg.state.mn.us