DEALING WITH ANGER

PRESENTED BYJOAN FITCH RN/B.S.N.

Aristotle Once Said:– “Anyone can get

angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way; that is not easy.”

• What is anger?• Webster’s Dictionary: “a strong feeling of

displeasure and, usually, antagonism”• It is an emotional reaction to frustration or

injury. In some cases, anger is beneficial, as it can spur us on to take action to correct a situation, or protect us from harm.

• It can be an instrument of motivation to work for positive change

Aggression

• An action we take with anger or frustration against others. It can lead to emotional, physiological or socially negative consequences.

Hostility

• A state of chronic anger that can lead to aggression against others. It can be verbal, physical or emotional.

• Anger - The Demon Within– Acting out our anger (e.g. yelling, hitting,

throwing objects, driving too fast), or hurting others is not a healthy, or necessary expression of anger. When we act out our anger we; damage other’s trust in us; create a burden of shame that we then carry; pass on our problems to others; destroy intimacy; alter our potential in society and relationships.

• What psychologists know about anger:– it is normal– it is experienced by everyone– it is not something you outgrow– it is a powerful feeling, but one you can learn to

manage– it is not the same thing as aggression, which is

behavior (such as hitting someone) that may result in serious consequences if you cannot control your anger

There are multiple books, web sites and counselors who deal

with anger management. This is a reflection of how concerning

and pervasive this normal human emotion is.

The Dimensions of Anger• There are five interrelated dimensions all

operating simultaneously in any angry situation:– cognition- our present thoughts– emotion- the physiological arousal that anger

produces– communication - the way we display our anger– affect - the way that we experience life when

we are angry– behavior - the way we behave when we are

angry

Physiologic Signs of Anger• DIRECT SIGNS OF

ANGER:• RAISED VOICE• YELLING, CURSING• HEADACHES• STOMACHACHES• INCREASED HEART RATE• RAISED BLOOD PRESSURE• CLENCHED FISTS• RED FACE• TIGHTNESS IN

THROAT/CHEST• VERBAL/PHYSICAL ABUSE

• INDIRECT SIGNS OF ANGER:

• CHRONIC FATIGUE• EXCESSIVE SLEEPING• ANXIETY• DEPRESSION• CRYING• MEAN OR HOSTILE JOKING• DRUG AND ALCOHOL USE• APPETITE CHANGES• INCREASED ILLNESSES• HEADACHE• MUSCLE ACHES

Long Term Health Effects• Anger is an intense emotion that produces an

adrenalin rush. If an individual is chronically angry or has frequent bouts of anger, adrenalin is released often. This constant rise of adrenalin results in a physiologic stress that decreases your immune systems ability to ward off infections. It creates both mental and physical fatigue and leads to….

Heartdisease

Depression Ulcers

Cancer Anxietydisorders

Asthma

Aggravatesdiabetes

Arthritis Frequentviral illnessesandinfections

Anger Arousing Perception• Injustice (“It’s not fair”)• Shattered expectations• Blaming (“It’s your fault”)• “Not treating me right”• “I deserve better than this”• “Those people are breaking the rules”• Shattered belief in a just world.• Feeling powerless

Anger Intensifying Habits

• Yelling• Sulking and pouting• Plotting revenge• Hitting and other violence• Competitive games• Accusations

Anger’s Warning Signals(body)

• Breathing fast• Sweating or feeling chilled• Backache, headache, stomachache• Muscles tensing• Shaking, trembling• Clenching fist• Grinding teeth/tense jaw• Rapid heart beat

Anger’s Warning Signals(behavior)

• Yelling, shouting• Silent treatment• Laughing at things hurtful• Sarcasm• Insulting• Profanity• Striking things/ people/ animals• Breaking things• Hurting your self

a soothing moment

Poem

• I am the ghost at the back of your mind• The shadow on your thoughts• My presence almost registers,• then it is gone.

• unknown

Self-Assessment

• Identify the types of anger that you are most likely to experience:– a.irritation– b.frustration– c.anger (boundary problems/violations)– d.rage

Self-Assessment (cont)

– View anger as the lid that is hiding other feelings.– It is essential to develop an awareness of your

personal anger cycle.– To do this, make a list of what triggers your anger

and what your anger symptoms are (i.e., crying, depression, hollering, hitting,etc.)

Society and Anger

• Are there social consequences, both positive and negative, that are derived from anger?– Yes! Anger can be both healthy and unhealthy.

It is important to try and distinguish between the two.

– Ask your self when angry: Will my reaction be beneficial, or will it cause harm?

Society and Anger (continued)

• Anger in society often manifests itself in violent behavior:– rape– murder– racism– terrorism– genocide– property destruction

Social Consequences

• Loss of friendships• Isolation• Suspensions• Legal consequences• Inability to maintain

employment

From Silence To Violence(looking for anger’s middle

ground)• SILENCE: passive: denying needs, stuffing

feelings, saving it up for a blow up.• MODERATION:assertive: saying how you

feel, asking for what you want, telling others what you need

• VIOLENCE: aggressive: threats, attacks, fights, destruction.

What to do?

Techniques For Managing Anger

• First: recognize that all feelings are ok; including anger. It’s the way we deal with feelings that can cause problems.– Don’t attack others. It will come back to haunt

you.– Don’t attack yourself. If you aren’t on your

side, who will be?– Don’t deny your feelings. It may lead to

depression or hostility later.

Techniques (cont.)• Second: Remember, you can CHOOSE

your response to anger– analyze the emotion that is bubbling under the

surface– make a commitment to recognizing your anger

and expressing it in a way that is not harmful to others or yourself

– learn to recognize your personal warning signals

– express your anger clearly and directly

Techniques (cont.)

• Third: Avoid being a “swallower” or a “spewer”.– talk with others before your rage builds up– realize that intense anger can be dangerous– set a boundary for yourself - what is allowable

Techniques (cont.)

• R-E-T-H-I-N-K– R: recognize– E: empathize– T: think about what you are feeling– H: hear what the other person is saying– I: integrate respect for others and yourself– N: notice your responses– K: keep on the current topic; don’t bring up old

grudges.

Anger Reducing Perceptions• a. bad things happen• b. empathize with the other person• c. “I can’t fight every battle”• d. “she/he couldn’t help it”• e. humor and silliness• f. “in life, things don’t always go my way”• g. a hassle free life is not realistic• h. “this is inconvenient but I can live with it”

Negotiation:The Art of Building Solutions

• Assertiveness: stand up for your legitimate rights in an appropriate way

• Listening: allows you to open up communication channels

• Negotiation: process by which two or more people work the conflict out to a MUTUAL agreement

• Criticism: ability to give and receive constructive criticism

Negotiation (cont.)

• Confrontation: The ability to take responsibility for perceiving a situation or a persons behavior as unacceptable. Once identified, describe what is unacceptable, and state clearly the effect it is having.

• Positive: Enter the conversation with respect for the other person and with the plan that a solution will be achieved.

The Positives

• It is a normal stage in the grieving process.

• It is a form of protection in dangerous situations.

• It is an instrument of motivation to work for positive change in ourselves and the world.

• It is a source of increased awareness of ourselves and each other.

• It is an important ingredient in an honest friendship.

• It is an expression of frustration or hurt that asks for relief.

Final Thought

• “Those who cannot forgive others, break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.”– Confucius