day by day issue 2

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issue 2 Forgetmenot Publishing The colourful world of coffins Profile: funeral photographer Rachel Wallace A memory box for children Guidance: coping with the loss of a young person First steps: what to do after bereavement Food therapy when comfort eating is good for you Day by Day Living beyond grief IN TUNE WITH TRADITION Choosing music for funerals IT PAYS TO PLAN AHEAD Putting your tax affairs in order GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN Organising a wake to remember SUPPORT FOR THE BEREAVED FUNERAL PLANNING GUIDANCE & INSPIRATION FRIENDS WHO CARE Cover photo: © Rachel Wallace

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In this issue we talk to funeral photographer Rachel Wallace about why more and more people are choosing to capture images of the day and how beneficial this can be for families coping with their bereavement. We look at how friends can help with providing food at the funeral reception and beyond. And for those of you planning a very personal send off, we take a look at the increasingly colourful world of coffins. There's also tips on choosing appropriate music for a service, organising a wake and expert help with tax planning. As ever, we are always keen to hear your thoughts and suggestions, and would be pleased to receive anything you would like to share with our readers in future issues, so please do get in touch. Until next time ... Kim [email protected]

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Day by Day Issue 2

Day by Day | 1

issue 2

Forgetmenot Publishing

The colourful world of coffins Profile: funeral photographer Rachel Wallace A memory box for children Guidance: coping with the loss of a young person First steps: what to do after bereavement

Food therapy when comfort eating

is good for you

Day by DayL i v i n g b e y o n d g r i e f

IN TUNE WITH TRADITIONChoosing music for funerals

IT PAYS TO PLAN AHEADPutting your tax affairs in order

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTENOrganising a wake to remember

SUPPORT FOR THE BEREAVED FUNERAL PLANNING GUIDANCE & INSPIRATION FRIENDS WHO CARE

Cover photo: © Rachel Wallace

Page 2: Day by Day Issue 2

2 | Day by Day

Pre and post-death tax planning

Tax is often the last thing that is considered in end of life situations. Given the emotional

pressures and stresses of dealing with the impending loss of a loved one that is perfectly understandable, but steps can still be taken to minimise any inheritance tax payable.

There are two main reasons for undertaking a post-death rearrangement: firstly, to reduce the burden of inheritance tax and, secondly, to effect an equitable distribution of the assets between the beneficiaries and other members of the family.The two main forms of post-death rearrangement are disclaimers and deeds of variation. Both must be in writing and must be signed within two years of death.

A disclaimer is where a beneficiary does not wish to accept property passing under a will, intestacy or joint tenancy. Following a disclaimer the property passes to the next person entitled

under the will or intestacy. A disclaimer can only be made provided no benefit has been taken from the entitlement.

A variation is similar to a disclaimer. However, the person making the variation can choose who will benefit from the property (it does not just pass to the next person entitled). It is also possible to make a variation even if a benefit has already been received from the entitlement.

If a disclaimer or deed of variation is made, and the necessary inheritance tax and capital gains tax statements are completed, then this will take the effect of the assets passing to the new

beneficiary as if the will had intended this.

A variation is also a good way to redirect property to charity. Where more than 10% of an estate passes to charity the inheritance tax rate on the remainder of the taxable estate is reduced from 40% to 36%.

Surprisingly, this can, on occasion, lead to the beneficiaries receiving more than they would have otherwise have done from an estate.

The ability to use post-death planning should not be used as an excuse not to undertake your own tax planning. There are two main types of pre-death or ‘lifetime’ planning - asset reduction and asset conversion.

The simplest form of asset reduction is by making gifts to reduce your estate via exemptions such as the annual exemption, small gifts exemption, marriage exemption, gifts out of

income, spouse exemption and gifts to charities. Any gifts to individuals in excess of these exemptions are called “potentially exempt transfers” and only become chargeable if you die within seven years of the gift. While making gifts is an excellent way of reducing your taxable estate, you should always be aware that there could be capital gains tax implications if you make gifts of assets rather than cash.

Asset conversion involves investing cash that would be liable to inheritance tax on your death in assets which qualify for inheritance tax reliefs such as agricultural property, woodland or unquoted securities.

John McArthur CTA TEP of Gillespie Macandrew LLP specialises in wills, trusts and executries and

is a member of the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (STEP)

Contact: www.gillespiemacandrew.co.uk

0131 225 1677 [email protected]

“The two main forms of post-death rearrangement are disclaimers and deeds of variation. Both must be in writing and must be signed within two years of death.”

The best course of action is to plan ahead and take steps in advance of death. However, if that has not been done, as explained earlier steps can still be taken up until two years after death to rearrange matters.

For advice speak to your solicitor who will be more than happy to assist you in finding the right balance of tax mitigation and onward transfer of your estate.

Page 3: Day by Day Issue 2

Day by Day | 3

I went to a funeral recently.

The circumstances were particularly sad. A friend’s son, not yet 20, struck down by illness – a pointlessly arbitrary strike made more poignant by his many conspicuous talents, his vivacity, humour and warmth, the unlived years ahead, the pride of his heart-broken family and the shock of his young friends whose many tributes poured out unselfconsciously on Facebook.

There is nothing quite as moving as the sight of parents grieving for a child, the wrong order of things almost as cruel as the loss itself.

But I do not want to dwell on the particular circumstances and the heartache of my friends. I want to talk instead about how we need to abandon our preconceptions about funerals and our sometimes rigid sense of doing the right thing. Not helped by the lack of choices made known to us at this time.

Usually this means doing the solemn thing, a traditional Victorian-style funeral, dressing in dark colours, shedding tears, reflecting sorrowfully. We talk about celebrating a life and dutifully remember to include a few jokes or humorous anecdotes, but we rarely manage much in the way of celebration. As if dignity demands more sorrow than laughter, more darkness than light.

Is this really what he or she would have wanted? Do any of us want the set piece of gloomy restraint that has become the pattern for a funeral? Is this what we would choose for those we leave behind?

From the editor

This would certainly not have been George’s choice, so his family did things differently. And so brilliantly.

(Personal note to George’s family – you did him proud!). Guests were invited to dress comfortably, not formally, and to come in odd socks. George refused to wear a matching pair.

He would have approved, too, of the floral tribute from his brothers, a Barcelona football shirt, the photo collage decorating the order of service, the humour and deep

Day by Day is published by Forget Me Not PublishingMalthouse Avenue, Cardiff Gate, Cardiff, CF23 8RU

Tel: 029 2029 1704 Advertising: [email protected]

Features editor: [email protected]

Day by Day is not for profit. All profits raised through advertising will be distributed between the charities we are proud to support. (See back page).

Sponsored by:

Finally, I just want to mention the amazing support you gave to the first issue of Day by Day. So to all those who contributed articles and ideas, and worked to get the magazine out on time and gremlin-free, I would like to say thank you.

Issue one was well received and drew compliments from many stalwarts of the funeral industry as well as from the wider readership. Let me know what you like in this, our second issue, and what we could do better next time. And do please send in any stories you would like to share. Until then....

An ‘odd’, beautiful, amazing note to end on

Kim [email protected]

affection of his father’s tribute, the huge banner displaying the Facebook messages, his godmother’s quote from Abraham Lincoln: “It’s not the years in your life but the life in your years.”

It was a day infused with joy, “a bright moment” as his father said afterwards “in a tragic situation”.

We owe ourselves and the person we honour in death this brightness, which does not in any way detract from grief but properly illuminates life.

The message is simple: do what you feel is best, not what you think you should. Convention has its place at a funeral. But for George, who had little time for convention, odd socks would have made perfect sense.

George. By kind permission of his family.

The Independent UK Funeral Comparison and Review Sitewww.rightchoicefunerals.comTel: 029 2029 0562

@daybydaytalk

Page 4: Day by Day Issue 2

4 | Day by Day

Why is music so important at funerals?Music is a huge part of most people’s lives and using music to celebrate a person’s life has been with us forever. The Greeks 2,500 years ago sang songs to honour their dead and gave us the word dirge, meaning a song of mourning.

The Egyptians 5,000 years ago encouraged singing and partying at funerals and even further back the ancient Chinese had marching music to accompany funerals – apparently it warded off bad spirits. The point is, it’s a very human activity.

Choosing music for your funeral is a very personal matter. Perhaps you plan to stage-manage the event, so that people end up crying and laughing in equal measure. Alternatively, you might simply want your favourite music ”shuffling” you off this mortal coil. Or you might want no music at all, like the late, great John Lennon.

The important thing to remember is that it’s your choice.

What songs do you want? What order should they be played in? What is it you’re telling us with these last plays on the jukebox of life?

For the record, My Way remains one of the most popular songs chosen for funerals. It makes sense really, and even the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra, had it at his.

Music brings people together in surprising ways. Did you know, for instance, that Boris Johnson and Heath Ledger share the same funereal musical choices?

And finally, are there any other little requests you might want honouring? Elizabeth Taylor had it written in her funeral plans that her coffin arrive 15 minutes late, leaving guests with a permanent reminder of her star quality.

Phil Smith, Soundtracktoyour.com

Soundtracktoyour.com enables people to save their desired tracks for funerals. The site is a library of personal musical tastes and has a section devoted to funeral music, including a host of celebrity funeral playlists to provide inspiration.

It seems incongruous that David Jacobs, who died in September at 87, was one of the original presenters of Top of the Pops. But the man who for many years chaired Any Questions and whose gentility and perfect radio voice belonged to a much earlier era also chaired Juke Box Jury, British television’s first pop music programme.

He too felt it was odd. Jacobs presented Juke Box Jury for eight years, but soon after he reached Top of the Pops “I became too square for the pop scene”.

The pattern for his long and varied career in broadcasting was set at 14 when his father’s bankruptcy forced David to leave school. He graduated from part-time jobs to the Navy, where

he gravitated inevitably to forces radio.

He went on to present the Eurovision Song Contest in the 1960s, the panel game What’s My Line and easy listening music shows on Radio 2. He became the station’s oldest presenter and continued to present The David Jacobs Collection until ill health forced him to step down just months before his death.

The suave and immaculate Jacobs exterior hid a personal life marred by tragedy. His 19 year old son was killed in a car accident in 1972. Three years later Jacobs’ second wife was also killed in a car accident. She was pregnant with their child.

The shock waves of these events never reached the surface – or not, at least,

in public. Jacobs was the product of an era and a life that disposed him to get on with things and keep moving.

Square he may have thought himself to have been, but nothing about Jacobs was dull.

David Jacobs 19 May 1926 – 2 September 2013

We remember...

Page 5: Day by Day Issue 2

Day by Day | 5

Like a funeral, a reception after the funeral service (generally known as a wake) can be a traditional or a unique affair.

David Collingwood, operations director at The Co-operative Funeralcare gives some practical advice:

As personalised funerals become more popular, people are choosing to use this time to celebrate the life of their loved one rather than mourn their passing.

Whether the wake is steeped in

custom or simply a casual get-together, this time provides an opportunity to bring extended families and friends together to say goodbye to a loved one, offer support to the bereaved and share memories of the person who has passed away.

Organising a wake can be just as difficult for loved ones as trying to arrange the funeral itself, as families try their utmost to arrange the right style of occasion. A wake can be

either public or private, so if you're organising one you will need to talk to family, friends and acquaintances about their expectations and set out what yours are too.You may also want to speak to close family members personally to pass on the information regarding when and where the wake will be held.

There are additional ways to let others know about the arrangements for the wake and these include publishing details within an obituary notice or printing them on the back of the order of service used at the funeral ceremony.

If it is decided that the wake is going to be a private affair for family members only, then you should communicate this to others who are attending the funeral. The simplest way to do this is to provide this information in the obituary or order of service as well.

Families often choose to direct queries about a wake directly to their funeral home so that the funeral director can provide details of the place, plus the time or directions to the venue.

There are six main considerations when organising a wake:

1) Number of guests Think about the number of guests. if you are expecting a large attendance at the funeral service then the venue you choose for the wake will need to be large enough to accommodate all of your guests if you have decided to have a more public wake.

2) Budget Identify how much you want to spend on the venue, catering and refreshments.

Organising a wake3) Consider the type of venue Often this takes place at a pub, a hotel, or sports/social club close to where the funeral has taken place. It could also be held at a venue that had a special link with the deceased. You could also consider other venues such as your home, the church hall, a coffee shop, a restaurant or a sports stadium.

4) Catering You will need to decide how much and what type of food you wish to serve and if you want caterers to organise this or whether you prefer to provide home-made refreshments. Some venues will offer a bar service and catering facilities. You could even choose to serve your loved one’s favourite food and drink.

5) Entertainment As funeral wakes are changing and becoming more of a celebration of life, some people may choose to organise entertainment such as music, a singer or band and others include slide shows of photographs or a simple photograph display.

6) Timings Depending on the time of the funeral, you will need to calculate an approximate time of when the guests will start to arrive at the venue. You may decide that you only want guests to stay for a certain length of time. Therefore, if this is the case, it is a good idea to advise the venue.

www.co-operative.coop/funeralcare

Do you have ideas for wakes you would like to share with Day by Day readers? Email them to [email protected] or tweet @daybydaytalk

Page 6: Day by Day Issue 2

6 | Day by Day

No matter which colour you prefer, the fact that you can pick and choose is a way of expressing who you are.

The sad fact however, is that in death the option to choose colour as a final reminder of a loved one is often ignored.

Many families opt for a “plain brown” coffin when they could have the

choice of a beautiful picture coffin which perfectly captures the essence of the person who has died.

Mary Tomes, managing director of Oxfordshire-based Colourful Coffins, explains: “In life, we all have favourite things we enjoy. Whether that’s dancing, playing sport, going on holiday or spending time with family and friends – it’s what makes each of us different.

“Choosing a colourful coffin with a design that reflects an individual’s personality is a wonderful way to hold onto that memory and we have such wonderful feedback from families who say having a personalised picture coffin brought a smile to their face on a very sad day.”

Since its launch in 2004, Colourful Coffins has gained an enviable reputation for quality, customer service and innovation.

The vast majority of its picture coffins are bespoke designs but the website has a wide variety of themes and suggestions to help families with their ideas.

The clothes that we choose to wear every day are just a small reflection of our personalities and changing moods.

Red is a sure way to get yourself noticed and boost your confidence, blue exudes a calmer approach, while black is often a sign of authority and power.

A colourful way to say goodbye

Departing with a smileOne person who is planning ahead for her funeral is 91-year-old Joan Parchment, a great-grandmother who says she is being purely practical.

“I’ve made a will and made plans for my funeral because I want to be sure my family knows exactly what I want. I don’t want a traditional funeral, I want something bright and cheerful and very colourful, and that goes for my coffin too,” she said.

“I’ve talked to my family and they’ve helped me with the design, they can fill in some of the smaller details but I’m very pleased to have

been able to pre-design my coffin so they don’t have to worry about it.”

Joan has chosen a beautiful design featuring a backdrop of mountains and fields, together with a road in the foreground and several motorbikes to reflect her lifelong love of the countryside and motorbikes.

To complete the design, on one end of the coffin Joan wants a big yellow smiley face: “I want people to look at my coffin and have a big smile on their face. I’ve lived a good life and I don’t want them to be miserable.”

Colourful Coffins' Mary Tomes with a rainbow coffin

Page 7: Day by Day Issue 2

Day by Day | 7

Among the designs recently completed has been a giant ice cream on a beach scene, a gorgeous field of summer flowers, a pink “princess” design for a little girl and a vintage aeroplane for a former pilot.

Although the company’s picture coffins are only available to order

through funeral directors, families can either discuss their design via the funeral director or talk directly to Colourful Coffins’ expert design team.

Once the design team has been briefed, families always have the opportunity to approve a design and make sure it is exactly right.

“We love hearing stories from the family and really put a lot of effort into capturing exactly the right style and effect to make them happy. By the time we have finished, we really feel

A painting Norman Blythe had completed as a birthday present for his daughter Alison took centre stage on the picture coffin design his family chose after he died.

Norman had taken up painting after retiring from work and the scene, which depicted the tree-lined tranquillity of the Canal du Midi, was particularly special because it was painted after a favourite family holiday in France with Alison and his much loved wife Jean.

Alison said: “A few days before he died, Dad said he wanted a blue coffin and

A picture of tranquilityMum came up with the idea of using his painting for the design.

“It created a real stir as we went into the crematorium for the service and the vicar couldn’t take his eyes off it.

We told everyone why we had chosen the painting and invited them to come up to the coffin afterwards for a closer look, which they all did. It was a very special occasion and we received some wonderful comments. I’m sure if Dad could have seen it he would have been very proud.”

we know the person who has died, which makes it very special,” Mary says.

Some families like to supply photographs for a montage design, while sporting themes are always popular, together with music, well-known characters and a wide

variety of hobbies – from gliding to gardening, crocheting to cookery and walking to windsurfing.

Recently Colourful Coffins launched a Glamour and Glitz range of designs, featuring sparkling glitter and crystals, while for babies and younger children a range of caskets features a cuddly teddy bear.

“The beauty of Colourful Coffins is that they are perfect for any age group – you might have been 92 and a passionate knitter or be celebrating

the life of a sports-mad teenager, this is about saying goodbye in a very special and unique way,” Mary says.

Many requests come from families who have attended a funeral and seen a Colourful Coffin, but increasingly more and more people are also looking to plan ahead and pre-order their own picture coffin.

To help, Colourful Coffins offers a pre-design service via its website and will provide the design on an encrypted CD for safe keeping.

To find out more, visit the Colourful Coffins website or talk to your funeral director.

www.colourfulcoffins.com

Red Roses American Casket Corner Detail

The corner of the Pink Sparkle casket is picked out in crystals

Colourful Coffins' Street Art design picture coffin

“Choosing a colourful coffin with a design that reflects an individual’s personality is a wonderful way to hold onto that memory”

Page 8: Day by Day Issue 2

8 | Day by Day

of our processes,” said Anita. “This allows us to have the shortest production time and enables us to ensure that our prices are more affordable.”

The diamond is 100 per cent real, with exactly the same optical, physical and chemical properties as an earth-grown crystal and the same 4C’s characteristics (colour, clarity, cut and carat) still apply when grading it.

The diamonds are eco-friendly and are produced with no damage to nature, unlike mined diamonds. They come with an authenticity check, so that their source can be proved, meaning that they are impossible to imitate.

The result is a unique diamond that is linked to a loved one at its very core, which can bring real comfort to know that whilst they might be gone, they will never be forgotten, as each diamond contains a part of the person whose memory we wish to cherish, and gives a priceless connection to our loved ones that comes straight from the heart.How does it work?• step 1 - Once the hair or ashes sample has arrived at the laboratory, it undergoes the

process of analysis to define the chemical composition and extract the carbon out of the material.• step 2 - The carbon contained in the hair or ashes is added to the diamond-growing foundation, out of which a unique crystalline matrix will grow, creating a personal diamond.• step 3 - The mixture is placed in the core of the HPHT (High Pressure High Temperature) machine, which recreates diamond-growing conditions similar to those deep in the Earth’s crust. Typical HPHT conditions are in excess of 2000°C and 60,000 atmospheres.• step 4 - After the growth phase is completed, specialists polish and cut the diamond in accordance to industry standards and it receives an authenticity check.

If you would like any more information on Heart in Diamond visit www.heart-in-diamond.co.uk. Alternatively, you can contact Anita on 020 7060 6230 or by email at [email protected]

Farewell Magazine 73

hey reflect our capacity as humans to show unconditional love for members of our family, our friends and even our pets – and acts as

an everlasting reminder of those magical and memorable moments spent together, which make up the rich tapestry of our lives.

It is with this as a backdrop that a company called Heart In Diamond is now creating beautiful and eternal diamonds, using the ashes and hair of loved ones who have passed on.

Anita Bolton, UK Operations Manager at Heart-In-Diamond, had her own personal diamond made in 2011 after the tragic loss of her husband.

“My husband died from cancer after a short illness at Christmas 2011, after twenty three of the best years of my life together. My son Charlie, 11, had lost his best friend, and I had lost my soul mate. Our lives were shattered.

“I was introduced to Heart In Diamond and thought it was an amazing idea to be able to have my husband with me at all times.

“We decided to have two diamonds created. One was for my son Charlie to have mounted into the face of his father’s watch, in a blue stone that had the same twinkle as his father’s eyes. I had a white diamond created, and now we are always together.

“Our first holiday was very hard for the two of us and my diamond helped to create a wonderful memory of our holiday together. We were just about to swim with the dolphins and Charlie said ‘Mummy, it is amazing that Daddy can still be with us to swim’.

“I looked at him and he kissed my diamond. For me this was the turning point in our lives and a moment to treasure.”

This experience led Anita to make the decision to help others through their own sad loss, creating diamonds for them while sharing her experiences of bereavement with them.

She said: “As I have been a customer myself, rather than being a salesperson I can understand the client’s grief and comfort them.

“I explain to them, you’re not just purchasing a product, but a priceless memory. When people love, they make presents to their loved ones. Our product is a unique present, because all generations of the family will remember him or her.

“Furthermore, whilst the diamonds are sentimentally priceless, it’s also true that their

monetary value only increases over time, as with real diamonds.”

The uniquely personal diamonds are grown from the carbon extracted from the hair or ashes, which is used as a diamond growing foundation at a laboratory in St Petersburg, Russia, which has an open door policy.

The process of creation for each diamond uses only patented technology and goes through a number of strictly controlled stages, allowing Heart In Diamond to identify each diamond created in the lab, thus ensuring their uniqueness.

“We are different from other suppliers as we are the manufacturers, and do not out source any

T

When we are used to having someone at our side through good times and bad, their absence can be overwhelming. Photos can fade and discolour, but there is one thing that will help us keep the memory of our loved ones close to our hearts forever - diamond jewellery.

72 Farewell Magazine

advertorial

Diamonds Are Forever

PHoto: anita Bolton, UK operations Manager at Heart-in-diamond

Page 9: Day by Day Issue 2

Day by Day | 9

of our processes,” said Anita. “This allows us to have the shortest production time and enables us to ensure that our prices are more affordable.”

The diamond is 100 per cent real, with exactly the same optical, physical and chemical properties as an earth-grown crystal and the same 4C’s characteristics (colour, clarity, cut and carat) still apply when grading it.

The diamonds are eco-friendly and are produced with no damage to nature, unlike mined diamonds. They come with an authenticity check, so that their source can be proved, meaning that they are impossible to imitate.

The result is a unique diamond that is linked to a loved one at its very core, which can bring real comfort to know that whilst they might be gone, they will never be forgotten, as each diamond contains a part of the person whose memory we wish to cherish, and gives a priceless connection to our loved ones that comes straight from the heart.How does it work?• step 1 - Once the hair or ashes sample has arrived at the laboratory, it undergoes the

process of analysis to define the chemical composition and extract the carbon out of the material.• step 2 - The carbon contained in the hair or ashes is added to the diamond-growing foundation, out of which a unique crystalline matrix will grow, creating a personal diamond.• step 3 - The mixture is placed in the core of the HPHT (High Pressure High Temperature) machine, which recreates diamond-growing conditions similar to those deep in the Earth’s crust. Typical HPHT conditions are in excess of 2000°C and 60,000 atmospheres.• step 4 - After the growth phase is completed, specialists polish and cut the diamond in accordance to industry standards and it receives an authenticity check.

If you would like any more information on Heart in Diamond visit www.heart-in-diamond.co.uk. Alternatively, you can contact Anita on 020 7060 6230 or by email at [email protected]

Farewell Magazine 73

hey reflect our capacity as humans to show unconditional love for members of our family, our friends and even our pets – and acts as

an everlasting reminder of those magical and memorable moments spent together, which make up the rich tapestry of our lives.

It is with this as a backdrop that a company called Heart In Diamond is now creating beautiful and eternal diamonds, using the ashes and hair of loved ones who have passed on.

Anita Bolton, UK Operations Manager at Heart-In-Diamond, had her own personal diamond made in 2011 after the tragic loss of her husband.

“My husband died from cancer after a short illness at Christmas 2011, after twenty three of the best years of my life together. My son Charlie, 11, had lost his best friend, and I had lost my soul mate. Our lives were shattered.

“I was introduced to Heart In Diamond and thought it was an amazing idea to be able to have my husband with me at all times.

“We decided to have two diamonds created. One was for my son Charlie to have mounted into the face of his father’s watch, in a blue stone that had the same twinkle as his father’s eyes. I had a white diamond created, and now we are always together.

“Our first holiday was very hard for the two of us and my diamond helped to create a wonderful memory of our holiday together. We were just about to swim with the dolphins and Charlie said ‘Mummy, it is amazing that Daddy can still be with us to swim’.

“I looked at him and he kissed my diamond. For me this was the turning point in our lives and a moment to treasure.”

This experience led Anita to make the decision to help others through their own sad loss, creating diamonds for them while sharing her experiences of bereavement with them.

She said: “As I have been a customer myself, rather than being a salesperson I can understand the client’s grief and comfort them.

“I explain to them, you’re not just purchasing a product, but a priceless memory. When people love, they make presents to their loved ones. Our product is a unique present, because all generations of the family will remember him or her.

“Furthermore, whilst the diamonds are sentimentally priceless, it’s also true that their

monetary value only increases over time, as with real diamonds.”

The uniquely personal diamonds are grown from the carbon extracted from the hair or ashes, which is used as a diamond growing foundation at a laboratory in St Petersburg, Russia, which has an open door policy.

The process of creation for each diamond uses only patented technology and goes through a number of strictly controlled stages, allowing Heart In Diamond to identify each diamond created in the lab, thus ensuring their uniqueness.

“We are different from other suppliers as we are the manufacturers, and do not out source any

T

When we are used to having someone at our side through good times and bad, their absence can be overwhelming. Photos can fade and discolour, but there is one thing that will help us keep the memory of our loved ones close to our hearts forever - diamond jewellery.

72 Farewell Magazine

advertorial

Diamonds Are Forever

PHoto: anita Bolton, UK operations Manager at Heart-in-diamond

Page 10: Day by Day Issue 2

10 | Day by Day

A: All people, whether young or old, have many intense feelings when someone dies. People often feel sad, confused, angry, guilty and sometimes even relieved if the person who died had been poorly for some time.

Children are just the same but, depending on their age and stage of development, their ability to understand and use words to describe their feelings varies. It helps to talk with children about how they are feeling and to talk about the feelings people normally have when someone important in their life dies. With very young children, it is easier to do this using some of their own soft toys, puppets or dolls.

With the right support and information, children and young people can be helped to understand what has happened and can slowly learn to

live with their loss. Sharing feelings and talking to family and friends and keeping memories alive can be an important and gentle way of dealing with grief.

Young people benefit from building and holding on to positive memories.

Sometimes it can be really helpful to keep special things connected with the person who died in a memory box. Children can add to this whenever they want and can share the contents with other people if they want to. They can keep mementos such as photos, shells from a special holiday, birthday cards and anything else that will act as a trigger for special memories.

Special days such as birthdays and anniversaries can be very hard after someone important in a family has died. It may help to try and plan

these days, to prepare openly for a day you know is going to be challenging, or to mark the day in a special and positive way. Some families choose to light a candle or visit a place that evokes happy memories of the person who has died. Winston’s Wish offers a national helpline for anyone concerned about a child coping with the death of a family member – 08452 03 04 05. The helpline is open from 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday and from 7pm to 9.30pm on Wednesday evenings.

Helen MackinnonWinston’s Wishwww.winstonswish.org.uk

A simple approach to funeral planning since 1995

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0800 41 30 46www.funeralplans.co.uk

A: There is no reason why you should have to give up your husband’s clothes because he is not with you anymore. Some people gain great comfort from having those familiar things around them still.

There will be lots of well-meaning people who will tell you what you should or should not be doing with his things, but their advice will be from a perspective of what they have done themselves or what they think they would do.

I had an aunt who gave all my uncle’s clothes to charity within a very short time of his death, only keeping a pair of his favourite slippers. For her it was the right thing to do.

My father, however, kept everything of my mother’s and it was all still there when he died. For him that was the right thing to do.

Do what makes you comfortable. In time you may decide to clear out one or two things but if you don’t then that is entirely up to you.

Judith Marples, life coachwww.jmhaspirations.org.uk

Q: I can’t bear to be parted from my late husband’s clothes. Is this behaviour wrong?

Q: How can I help to keep memories alive?

Our experts are here to help. Please email [email protected]

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The moments after death are the very worst I have ever encountered. Knowing I would never have our daily phone calls again, sharing my successes and problems – I had lost not only my mum but my very best friend, my rock.

I felt I couldn’t leave mum’s body. I wanted to protect her to make sure she was treated with dignity. I did this by requesting that I wash her with the nurses. I found this helped me greatly – one last thing I could do for my mum.

I wrote a tribute to my mum for the funeral, which helped me face that day. I would urge anyone to take the time to do this.The funeral arrangements, registering the death and all the calls and rigmarole went by in a blur for me. I felt like I wasn’t really there. I couldn’t cope. I spent the days after her death sitting in the room she had been staying in crying. I couldn’t work, sleep properly or eat.

After the funeral people go back to work and suddenly you are all alone, alone with your thoughts – have I done enough in the past, did I say enough how much I loved you, did I

do enough at the end? Gradually I started to do just one thing I enjoyed each day, particularly things that would take me away from the house I had nursed her in – going to see my horses, going to town, food shopping. I decided to do the probate myself and this helped too. I felt proud getting her affairs in order myself instead of handing it to a third party.

I felt I was making progress but I knew I was still internalising a lot of anger at her death, feeling cheated of not having my mum (and dad) around, guilty about not always making time for mum in my busy life. I didn’t want to burden my partner and friends but I needed to talk to someone about her death. So I decided to contact Cruse who arranged for a counsellor to visit my home on a weekly basis. I found this invaluable.

The worst times are the first anniversaries but I learnt that each one passes and life does go on.

Yes, I shed a tear but I also try and do something that mum and I enjoyed together on that day – silly things like the treat of croissants for breakfast and two cups of tea or buying a bunch of daffodils, her favourite flowers. I keep all her photos in a box and her precious things, and when I am down I look at them and remember her with love. Time is a healer and I am proud of what I did for my mum at the end. Painful as it was, I wouldn’t change any of it. My mum brought me into the world and I helped her to leave it – the circle of life.

My mother was diagnosed with diabetes some years ago and this brought about terminal kidney disease at which time she was given 18 months to live.

Being a kind-hearted soul, she was mainly concerned to make sure that I was okay and would cope alone. My father had passed away some years earlier.

It was at Christmas 2012 when it really hit me how fragile my mum was and how near to death. She was quite matter of fact (as always) and told me she was dying.

I didn’t realise how quickly that would be. I received a phone call from my mum’s neighbours late one night in April informing me she had been taken into Stafford hospital. I was shocked by how ill and frail my mum looked but also by how she was so pleased to see me. I insisted that she came home to be with me for some TLC and time together.

I knew I had to discuss things while there was time. We talked about the mechanics of the process and the funeral arrangements. Mum was adamant she wanted to remain at home and I wanted her there. I wanted to care for her and be with her at the moment of her passing – that was my duty. Forty odd years of her being my mother, looking after me and now I had to be the adult and look after her.

I organised Hospice at Home care for mum from the community nurses and Florence Nightingale Hospice at Stoke Mandeville, and a Marie Curie night sitter to provide us with a night’s sleep and respite. I helped bathe and toilet my mum and sat with her for hours holding her hand telling her silly everyday things and how I appreciated and loved her. Gradually she became more and more drowsy and eventually entered a coma like state.

It was not a smooth process and she suffered a lot of pain in the days before her death.

But my mum passed peacefully in the end with me and my partner at her side. The moment before she died she opened her eyes for the first time in over a week and looked at me, and a tear came down her cheek that I will never forget. It was very important for me to be with my mum at the end, so that she passed over knowing she was with me and truly loved.

The circle of lifeBy Nikki Proctor

For more information about end-of-life care at home go towww.nahh.org.uk and www.mariecurie.org.uk

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When you think of the key therapies to help those recently bereaved, food might not be top of your list. However food and its preparation play a huge part in the healing process before, during and after the funeral. Day by Day’s Rebecca Gunn reports.

When a person has lost a loved one, one of the easiest ways that friends and family can provide support is by supplying nourishing meals. Very often the bereaved will shut themselves away and friends bringing meals to the home is a very good excuse to make contact and encourage conversation.

Two years ago, Amanda Smyth tragically lost her brother David, 29. Soon after she started writing a personal blog called Cooker and a Looker, sharing recipes and ideas. She was approached to write a piece on cooking for the bereaved for Dying to Know Day, an Australian initiative to develop new knowledge and attitudes about how to deal with death and bereavement.

“Grief is an individual processes. Everyone reacts differently. In a recent discussion with five bereaved people I was stunned to find that they’d had polar opposite reactions when offered the same words intended to comfort. People have a similar reaction to food,” Amanda says.

“I’ve heard people bemoan the constant stream of casseroles and others who have genuinely appreciated the help. That said, if you’re considering cooking for them it’s likely that you already know which camp your grieving friends are likely to fall into.”

Food is very evocative, triggering memories with its variety of scents and tastes. Very often baking fresh bread, cakes or a Sunday roast will provide comfort and warmth.

The act of cooking as a family or community can offer great support to those in mourning. Once it was traditional for the village to congregate and cook for the wake. The activity, purpose and sound of conversation must have provided a reassuring contrast to the past few days of silence.

Today, cooking courses for the bereaved are well established. St Francis Hospice in Hertfordshire uses cooking as therapy offering training in the skills of the kitchen.

"The course has so many health and therapeutic benefits for people impacted by grief,” explains Tania Brocklehurst, the hospice’s clinical bereavement coordinator.

“Cooking is known to help increase concentration, sensory awareness and self esteem, promote good nutrition, engage memory, extend social networks and reduce stress - all of which suggest that it’s an excellent holistic aid to the bereavement process" She adds.

A funeral tea gives everyone the opportunity to relax after the emotion of the event. It is a time to reflect and celebrate the life of the deceased quietly.

Comfort foodPh

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Photography: Piotr Pawelec

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Christina Reynolds, founder of event organiser Vintage Feast, says: “The ritual of pouring tea is a soothing process. It gives the host something to focus on and everyone a chance to make conversation even if it is as simple as asking them how they take their tea. Also, providing a selection of herbal teas including calming camomile and ginger will help those feeling emotional.

“Having vintage crockery evokes a sense of the past and provides a talking point for those wishing to draw on happy memories and share them.”

Grief will suppress hunger but it is important that the guests eat to keep their energy levels up.

A final thought comes from Nigella Lawson. In her cookery book Feast she describes a Thai ritual. Mourners are presented with a small book containing favourite recipes

1) Consider all the members of the family. Aim for a meal that everyone will be able to share.

2) Don’t send a meal in your grandmother’s prized casserole dish. In fact, don’t send a meal in any kind of container that you want back. Spare the family the stress of remembering to return dishes to their rightful owners and buy disposable trays. Tell the family you don’t want the dish back.

3) If the meal requires extra cooking or reheating, write some instructions. Grief made me exhausted and forgetful. I was flat out remembering to eat, much less recalling directions. Consider printing/copying the recipe and writing the date it was cooked on the top.

4) If the meal needs to be served with pasta or spuds, throw them in. Provide the entire meal. Think about including some sides – if you’re sending a lasagne, consider sending a salad and some garlic bread.

5) Better looking at it, than looking for it. If you’re visiting, think about taking a loaf of bread, milk or some fruit. In the weeks after David died, I dreaded going to the shops. I wanted to shy away from the checkout operator’s well-meaning “how was your day?”

6) Send a fruit basket. Our friend Jenny, a bereaved wife herself, sent a fruit basket after she learned of David’s accident. It was waiting on the fence for us when we returned to the farm from Brisbane. The true thoughtfulness of her gift became apparent in the following days, when wracked by the physical pain of grief it was all I could do was survive the day. It was a relief to have something easy and healthy to offer the Big Sister to eat.

7) Call before you go. There were some days where I just couldn’t face anyone. I didn’t pick up the phone. I wasn’t up to visitors. I just wanted to be alone. To lick my wounds in private. Call ahead. If they don’t answer, leave your visit for another day.

www.stfrancis.org.uk www.cookerandalooker.com

www.vintagefeast.com

Amanda Smyth, Cooker and a Looker, shares her seven tips for cooking for the bereaved:

Photography: Piotr Pawelec

“Having vintage crockery evokes a sense of the past and provides a talking point for those wishing to draw on happy memories and share them.”

of the deceased. Here the cooking delights of the loved one live on, along with a history of memories associated with each dish. A culinary legacy if you will.

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The charity, Cardiac Risk in the Young (CRY) has recently launched a unique series of booklets to support and reach out to bereaved families experiencing the sudden and devastating loss of a young, apparently fit and healthy person.

The first two booklets were specifically authored by – and for – siblings and fathers who had been affected by the tragedy of young sudden cardiac death.

Alison Cox MBE, chief executive and founder of CRY (and a trained bereavement counsellor) says:

“The death of a seemingly healthy child or young adult is so out of order with the sequence of life that its effects are devastating. It can be hard to believe that this weight will ever be lifted from you.

“Grief affects not only the emotions - other consequences can include exhaustion, feeling sick and not being able to eat or sleep. These reactions are completely normal at times of intense stress and shock.”

She adds: “It could be important to talk to someone about your feelings, no matter what they are. It is not always easy to do this with people who are suffering from the same loss. Talking to someone outside your immediate family is often the most helpful way forward.”

The first booklet, A Sibling’s Grief, was inspired by a group of young people who met at CRY’s Sibling Bereavement Day and who had a shared desire to help other affected siblings feel less alone.

CRY found that after such a catastrophic event, siblings are often sidelined, shielding their parents from their own torment while trying to fill the gap left by the dead child.

Words of support after the loss of a child or young adult

Alison Cox

Katharine McNamara, whose 25 year old brother Simon died suddenly in 2008 is now training as a CRY bereavement supporter. She feels strongly about turning her loss into something positive.

Katharine says: “It was a difficult process putting into words how I felt when my brother Simon died. Looking back, those days, weeks and months that followed were a blur and every member of my family coped with Simon’s death in different ways.

“But, it was also an important and cathartic process and I just hope that the booklet will reach out to anyone else who is going through the same devastating experience that we did.

If it can help just one person who has lost a sibling understand that their

feelings are not unusual and are not ‘wrong’ then it will have been worth it.”

The Dad’s Grief booklet (published on 16 June, Father’s Day 2013) was also compiled to let other bereaved dads know they were not alone.

Alison adds: “After such a catastrophic event the expectation is often on ‘the head of the family’ to manage those closest. Endeavouring to relieve their wife and children from further suffering, they focus on trying to be useful and the practical challenges - planning the funeral, worrying what their dead son/daughter would have wanted, trying to get it right.

“Meanwhile, they are dealing with the guilt of believing they failed to protect their dead child, the distressing implosion of the family dynamic and siblings struggling to settle into a rearranged order.”

As Paul Clabburn, a bereaved father whose 14 year old son Tom died in

his sleep in 2007 says: “Life carries on with a Tom shaped hole in its fabric. Sometimes it rips further, sometimes it’s less frayed, but it’s always there…Sometimes it makes me smile but more often it makes me sad, a sense of longing for what might have been.”

Another bereaved dad and supporter of CRY, Paul Daniels adds: “Nothing can prepare you to lose a child. There is no training for such an event. I couldn’t walk, breath, talk. All I could do was cry.”

We very much hope that Paul Clabburn, Paul Daniels and others find some comfort from the support services this amazing charity has to offer.

For more information about the bereavement support days, please call CRY’s bereavement support programme manager, on 01737 363222, or email [email protected]

To download the first two of CRY’s series of grief booklets please go to: www.crysiblinggrief.org www.crydadsgrief.org

“It could be important to talk to someone about your feelings, no matter what they are.”

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It is usual for people to be unsure of what to do in the immediate aftermath of a bereavement.

Nick Bibby, area manager for Lancashire at Dignity, takes you through the initial steps and provide advice on other things you may need to think about when someone you know dies.

Registering a death

In most cases you will need to register the death within five days and it is best to visit the register office in the area in which the person died. This will help avoid delays getting the necessary documents.

The following people can register a death:

* Any relative of the person who has died* Any person present at the death* A person who lives in the house where the person died* The person arranging the funeral, but not a funeral director.

To register the death you need to have a simple interview with the registrar at the register office. You will need to give the registrar:

* The full name of the person who has died* Their full address* Their date of birth* Details of where and when the person died* Their occupation, if any.

Documents and certification

You will need to give the registrar a certificate of cause of death signed by a doctor.

You should also bring the following documents where applicable:

* Birth certificate* Marriage/civil partnership certificates* NHS medical card.

At the register office the registrar will issue you with:

* A certificate for burial or cremation (known as a green form), which you should give to your funeral director as soon as possible

* A certificate of registration of death, which you should fill in and send to the social security office for the area where the person died. You can buy copies of the death certificate from the registrar for a small fee. You will need these for official purposes such as closing bank accounts and pension schemes.

What if the coroner is involved?

Under certain circumstances the death must be reported by the doctor, hospital or registrar to the coroner (England and Wales) or procurator fiscal (Scotland).

This means that there will be a post mortem or inquest and you may have to delay your plans for the funeral.

In this case there will be no cause of death certificate. The death will be registered once the coroner has made a decision.

Caring for the deceased - looking after your loved one

Your loved one will be taken from their place of death to a specialist mortuary before being transported by private ambulance to the local funeral home. If you prefer they can rest at home or in church, if this is allowed.

You must decide if you would like the body embalmed. Embalming delays the natural processes that take place after death and while not essential it is an important consideration if you want to visit the person in the chapel of rest.

Spending time with the deceased

Some people find it helps to spend time with the person who has died and like to bring a small gift or photograph

to put in the coffin. Others find it upsetting to see someone they loved who is now dead. It’s a personal choice.

Telling others about the death

You may want to put an announcement in a local or national newspaper to tell people about the death and the details of the funeral. After the funeral you can also place a thank you message in a newspaper to thank those who attended and sent donations or flowers.

Dignity is a British company that has funeral homes and crematoria in towns and cities across the UK. The company is also a leading provider of

pre-arranged funeral plans. For more about Dignity please visit www.dignityfunerals.co.uk

When someone dies

Nick with his colleague, Nicola Bradley, funeral service arranger

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How did you get in to funeral photography?

It was my own idea to start taking photographs at funerals for the recently bereaved, after I attended a spate of friends’ funerals and noticed that so much of what went on that was positive and could be comforting was occurring unobserved by the recently bereaved and main mourners.

Too often they would come in only when the congregation were already seated, unaware of who was there to pay tribute to the deceased, and would be seated at the front of the church or crematorium with no knowledge of who was behind them, who had arrived late and what may be going on around them.

How do people react when you tell them what you do?

When I first tell people what I do they are generally surprised, but usually say they feel it is a good idea. People are extremely curious to know what I do and how I do it and I have many lengthy conversations with people of all ages, all of whom react positively.

Why are photos so important at a funeral?

I feel that photos of funerals are extremely important for many reasons.

First they act as a record of the day. As with a wedding - the day can pass in a blur of emotion and details such as flowers, tributes, special people and special moments can pass by unnoticed.

There are many uplifting moments such as smiles during the eulogies, a hug or a glimpse of sunlight on a dull day that can bring comfort to the bereaved. More commonly now funerals are becoming occasions to celebrate the lives of those who

are dead and there are specific and individual events and items organised on the day to personalise it. It is quite common for there to be doves, balloons, horses, colourful clothing, cakes, bands, memory boards and themes followed throughout the day.

Secondly photographs of those attending are important. Very often it is the last time a family will be together for some time. At an older person’s funeral many will be old friends who have not met up for a while, and may not all be together again. It is a wonderful record for generations to follow to be able to see members of their family when they look back at the photos in years to come.

Finally, having something tangible to hold after a funeral or end-of-life service can be greatly comforting at a

point where others are moving on with their lives and the bereaved are left with their memories to start again. It is also a great aid when talking to others about the deceased and the service since many of us find it difficult to talk with someone who is recently bereaved. The memory books I create are a huge support to those in mourning and we spend some time going through them and talking about not only the day but the life they had with the deceased.

What happens in a typical day?

There are no typical days! Some ceremonies are small intimate and quiet and others are large and noisy with jazz bands processing in front of the hearse.

I generally start with the arrival of the deceased at the place for the service, recording the venue and guests as they gather beforehand and continuing in to the service.

Capturing the moment: photographer Rachel Wallace

“having something tangible to hold after a funeral or end-of-life service can be greatly comforting”

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I work quietly and discreetly and never take images of people who are upset or weeping. I only look for the positive elements of the day. Children can be very entertaining and manage to raise a smile on people’s faces. After the service I may go on to a burial or back to the reception where I can capture more images of key people who have attended the funeral. I also photograph any flowers and messages, the reception venue and any particular themes that I see.

How do your clients react when you present the photos to them?

I choose the images for the memory book and bring them in person to my client a few weeks after the service. They always react with pleasure and delight. Some cry but more often than not they don't. I spend an hour or so going through the book with them, hearing stories about their life with the person they loved, looking over the photos and who is in them and going through it several times.

My clients are always extremely pleased with the photographs and I always come away feeling I have done a good job.

Does it help with the grieving process?

In talking through the images and reliving the day I believe the memory books are a huge help in the grieving process. They help not only the directly bereaved but family and

Rachel Wallace www.racheljwallace.com

friends also as sharing the book with others enables them to talk more easily about a difficult time.

Looking at a book is far easier than viewing a video as it is a far more sociable way of sharing memories with the ability to stop and look at a page or photo and discuss it, whereas the flow of a video has to be interrupted or paused in order for people to talk about it.

What do you advise people to think about when considering having a photographer at their loved one’s funeral?

When I am booked for a funeral I always advise my client to let as many people know as possible that there will be a photographer at proceedings and that I will act as discreetly

and sensitively as I can. It is important that people are aware otherwise they may feel it is going to be intrusive (which it isn't) or that they might feel self conscious.

It is also imperative that they know I am there at the family’s request or they may think I am from the press or simply a voyeuristic friend or relative. Every time I have been photographing at such an occasion people have come and chatted to me afterwards and have been extremely accepting and interested in what I do.

What three words describe your feelings about your job?

“Privileged” to be allowed to be at such a sensitive and personal occasion, “passionate” about what I am doing and why and “humbled” by watching how people deal with grief and what they cope with.

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Book reviewBangers & Mash by Keith Hern

What’s it like to hear the words ‘you have cancer’?

In Bangers & Mash, Keith Hern tells us with honesty and humour exactly what it’s like.

From the grim reality of chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments, to unexpected moments of real warmth and kindness from friends new and old, the fight for survival is vividly described.

Working with an NLP coach, Keith challenges the cancer head-on and emerges successful to have effectively a second chance at life.

Being diagnosed with a potential killer disease is mentally unbelievably traumatic. If you know someone in this situation, it might just help to hear about how someone else went through exactly the same mental meltdown, but found a way to come through.

If just one person reads this and finds what they need to give them the strength to pull through, then ‘Bangers & Mash’ has been a success.

To order: www.journeythroughcancer.co.uk

Charity dates

Childhood Cancer Awareness Monthwww.clicsargent.org.uk/content/childhood-cancer-awareness-month

Festival of Winter Walkswww.ramblers.org.uk

International Day of Persons with Disabilities (3 December)www.un.org

Lung Cancer Awareness Month www.roycastle.org

World Diabetes Day (14 November)www.idf.org/worlddiabetesday

National Road Safety Week (18-24 November)www.roadsafetyweek.org.uk

Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Monthwww.pancreaticcanceraction.org

World COPD Day (chronic lung disease) (20 November)www.goldcopd.org/wcd-home.html

Carer Rights Day (29 November)www.carersuk.org

DECEMBER

NOVEMBER

Editor’s choice

Kim Bird thinks very highly of this book and would like to offer a free copy to the first three readers who email her a request: [email protected]

Spread the word…

CARERS UKthe voice of carers

Each year Carers UK organises CarersRights Day to:

• Make sure carers know their rights• Guide carers towards practical support• Raise awareness of the needs of carers

Over 850 local groups registered totake part in Carers Rights Day 2012and want this year to be even bigger.

29 November 2013www.carersuk.org/get-involved

Advice Line0808 808 7777

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Day by Day | 19

The independent UK funeral comparison & review site

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20 | Day by Day

We are looking to build up a network of sharers, who can distribute a few copies of the magazine to local venues such as funeral directors, libraries, doctors, hospitals, hospices, care homes, solicitors and of course friends. If you would like to join our sharers' network please email [email protected].

To subscribe to Day by Day please email [email protected] and put SUBSCRIBE in the subject. If you would rather write to us, please use the subscription form below.

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We are looking to build up a volunteer network of sharers, who can distribute a few copies of themagazine to local venues such as funeral directors, libraries, doctors, hospitals, hospices, carehomes, solicitors and of course friends. If you would like to join our sharers’ network please [email protected] or telephone 02920 290562.

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�Free subscriptionReceive Day by Day on a regular basis bycompleting this form and returning to:

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Address: ______________________________________________

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Town/City: ______________________________________________

Postcode: ______________________________________________

Day by Dayneeds your help!Please Read

Our aim with Day by Day is to provide support and guidance to everyone who needs it - now or later.

We are looking to build up a volunteer network of sharers, who can distribute a few copies of themagazine to local venues such as funeral directors, libraries, doctors, hospitals, hospices, carehomes, solicitors and of course friends. If you would like to join our sharers’ network please [email protected] or telephone 02920 290562.

To subscribe to Day by Day please email [email protected] and put SUBSCRIBE in thesubject. If you would rather write to us, please use the subscription form below.

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