Controlling Anger Before it Controls You A One Day Primer Controlling Anger Before it Controls You A One Day Primer

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  • Slide 1
  • Controlling Anger Before it Controls You A One Day Primer Controlling Anger Before it Controls You A One Day Primer
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  • Module 1: Understanding Anger In the Module, we will learn how to: Define anger Uncover the costs of anger Explore the benefits of anger Apply skills for success
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  • Defining Anger All of us have experienced anger in some way. Can you recall a time when you felt angry? Close your eyes for a moment and recall a time when your anger flared. Can you recall the physical feelings that accompanied that anger? What is the common expression for stand and fight or run away ?
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  • The Costs of Anger Most of our beliefs about anger develop when we are young. How did your family in particular your grandparents and parents show their feelings to one another? What did they say or show when they were angry? How did what you saw influence the way you get angry?
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  • The Costs of Anger In the workplace, we understand that anger expressed could mean that we get reprimanded, fired, or passed over for promotion. But what if we could learn how to turn our anger into something positive and become stronger at work because of it?
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  • The Costs of Anger Think about the myths that you have may have learned about anger. If I share my opinion, it will start an argument. Anger is about winning or losing. If I get angry, I will be abandoned. Anger = violence. Avoid anger and conflict if you want good relationships. The winner is usually the biggest or loudest. If I get angry, I am a bad person. If you do things my way, I dont get angry. The Costs of Anger
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  • Are you surprised that some of these statements are myths? How do they impact the way you express anger today? The Costs of Anger
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  • The way we choose to express anger can create problems. Have you ever considered the potential to benefit from anger in the way that we do other emotions, such as happiness? Anger, when expressed in a healthy and positive way, can get you what you need or desire. The Benefits of Anger
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  • In most cases, our expressions of anger do not bring about change in others, even when we keep trying. Think of working with an older child or a colleague. They do something wrong like tell a terrible lie. You get angry and yell at them never to do that again, that lying is wrong, and they were stupid to think that you would not find out. Does that reaction stop the lying behavior? The Benefits of Anger
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  • Discuss the implications of this kind of common reaction to lying. Does the teenager or co-worker get a payoff if they stop lying? The Benefits of Anger
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  • One harmful aspect of anger is that although we may believe that we have been offended and must act on that injustice, our responses can often be dangerous. Think about: Going postal School shootings The Benefits of Anger
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  • If we take the time for purposeful and constructive action, the path that we take to deal with our anger can actually be a positive one. Think about: MADD Expressing our anger constructively means we can solve problems and get things done that may not happen otherwise. The Benefits of Anger
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  • List five things you can get done by addressing anger constructively. The Benefits of Anger
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  • There is no convincing evidence that suppressed anger is harmful when we feel in control of the situation and when we assess the anger as a grievance that can be constructively corrected. If the source of your anger cannot be corrected by expressing anger, then dont. The Benefits of Anger
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  • If you are suppressing anger and feel you have no control, that suppression leads to the same physiological reactions that anger can (increased heart rate, blood pressure, face flushing, muscle tension). Continually venting anger can also be unhealthy, leading to physical and emotional problems. The Benefits of Anger
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  • It is important to recognize that if someone is angry, we do not have to change who we are or the things that we do just because they want us to. When you feel angry over something and you want to do something about it, you are receiving a call to action. Skills for Success
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  • Discuss Terry and the Critter Caper. How can Terry manage this situation constructively? Skills for Success
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  • Summary Some of us are conditioned to believe that expressing anger is undesirable or puts us in a weakened position. By looking at the myths that surround anger, we are developing an understanding of healthy and unhealthy ways to respond to that anger. We can successfully deal with anger in ways that lead to a positive, healthy response.
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  • Review Questions 1.What are some of the physical signs of anger? 2.What are four anger myths? 3.Where do we learn how to manage anger? 4.If we feel angry about something and want to do something about it, we are receiving a ______________________. 5.Is this statement true or false: Anger is always negative. Explain your answer.
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  • Module 2: The Causes of Anger In this Module we will learn to: Differentiate between buttons and triggers. Identify precipitating factors. Explore different kinds of distorted thinking. Define miscommunication in anger management.
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  • Buttons and Triggers Hot buttons are things that are true about ourselves that we may feel ashamed of or try to pretend do not exist. Feeling bad about our bodies is a common hot button.
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  • Buttons and Triggers Triggers are experiences that can remind us of grief or trauma from the past. In North America, asking someone what they were doing on 9/11 brings a barrage of memories. A trigger can bring a memory of an argument or conflict flooding back, and all the physical effects, such as an increase in your heart rate, flushed face, or tense muscles also recur.
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  • Buttons and Triggers Different people have different triggers. When you understand what your own triggers are, you can plan ways to deal with them in a healthy way. This could include asking for help, good preparation, and avoiding some triggers completely. Use the chart on the next slide to identify some of your own triggers.
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  • Buttons and Triggers SightUnhealthy Anger Response Wet towel on the bed or floor.Yelling at my kids/spouse/partner. SoundsUnhealthy Anger Response Dripping eavestrough.I feel helpless. TouchUnhealthy Anger Response Being touched by people I do not know. I want to strike out and hit them. SmellUnhealthy Anger Response The basement smells damp again. I yell at my house to get a new dehumidifier. GestureUnhealthy Anger Response My teenager rolls his eyes at me. I yell at my teen to listen and be respectful. Dates or HolidaysUnhealthy Anger Response ChristmasI get depressed and am unable to get anything ready.
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  • Buttons and Triggers You may establish a plan of action to deal with your anger in a healthy way. First, choose one or two triggers that are interfering with being a part of a healthy workplace or home, and then develop an action plan for them.
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  • Buttons and Triggers Trigger and BehaviorAction Plan Yelling at my kids when they leave wet towels on the bed or floor. Cool off before I speak to anyone about the towels. Picture myself as calm and peaceful. Work toward accepting my feelings of frustration. Resolve underlying issues by implementing consistent consequences for family members who do not follow rules.
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  • Precipitating Factors This term refers to the fact that if you are already frustrated about one thing, a trigger that goes off could bring you to anger much faster than usual. Are you ever distracted by precipitating factors? Do you sometimes drive to a place and not know how you got there?
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  • Distorted Thinking Distorted thinking is defined as a reasoning process that distorts reality. It is a common source of unhealthy anger. When we learn to reduce the amount of distorted thinking we use, we can also reduce our experiences with inappropriate or unhealthy anger.
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  • Distorted Thinking Distorted Thinking includes: Should/Must Thinking Circular Questioning Black and White Thinking Cant Thinking Overgeneralization Labels Magnification Minimizing Personalization
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  • Should/Must Thinking Occurs when we transform personal choices or preferences into absolutes. Do you catch yourself using self-talk like this? I should have done that. I must do it this way. I ought to have known.
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  • Circular Questioning Repeatedly asking questions that are irrelevant or that you know the answer to. Asking this questionIs the same as saying Why did I do that?I shouldnt do that. Why cant I be better at this?I should be better at this. How could he do that?He shouldnt be doing that.
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  • Cant Thinking Leads us to sabotage ourselves. Making this statement Could be the same as saying I cant lead this meeting.I dont want to lead this meeting. I cant control my


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