conflict and absorbing pain part 1- who are you?

Conflict and absorbing pain Part 1- who are you?

Victim or victor? Actor or reactor? Leader or cannon fodder? What did you expect to happen when you accepted the appointment?

Hitler, Eeyore, William Wallace, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Jesus, you Leaders are going somewhere Where are you going? What are you about? Do you have a direction or not?

If you cannot do this, then your leadership will not be positive No one can make you a leader The bishop can appoint you, but he cannot make you someones pastor

Diploma, robe, cross, bumper sticker none of this makes you their pastor. people will tell you when you are their pastor or friend You can be hired for a job, that is supposed to lead, but you will never be someone's leader until they trust you

Clarity What are you about? Set the example they will only follow what they see you model (giving, church work days) Humility Its not about me, its about the mission People can smell false humility Get yourself out of the way The need for attention is a sign of insecurity The story of the bankwalkers

Caring Bring them along with you Collaboration Build the team. Right people in the right seats on the bus. Look them in the eye If you dont know how, learn how

Trust is gained through Vision Where are we going? Leaders see the unseen, the invisible Vision is no longer a business plan- Callahan's book Vision is using the resources and opportunities of today to make the right choices for tomorrows successes

Success Dont shoot yourself in the foot. A pastor stood up to say that he did not want to be appointed to a church Dont drop the ball- complete circle Build a track record of success

Success The reservoir of good will

Leading means moving - which implies change. Trees that have to be moved. Policies that have to change. Everything in life changes. The potential for change in a large organization. Need for change in a dying organization Alice Manns elevator story

From Managing Transitions by Wm Bridges Three stages of change Leave the Old The Neutral Zone Embracing the New

Leaders help people be comfortable in the neutral zone Leaders also understand chaos and are not afraid of it Sometimes we want to control things some things are beyond our control

Leaders expect the pain of change Leaders expect resistance Leaders rise from their moments of pain Leaders win over resistance Limit resistance thru communication Apologize when you are wrong The cup of coffee

Limit resistance thru pacing change and regulating pain- building campaigns Leaders heal wounds leaders dont cause pain, they bear it. calm to the storm Richardsons electrical lines a wise man makes even his enemies to be at peace with him

A sign of mature spirituality is to be able to accept the presentation of those who do not agree. The real golden age of any organization is not its heyday. It is the hard work behind the scenes that made the heyday possible.

Leaders open themselves for criticism When u get hurt what do you do? 1. You might hold back- less likely the next time to step out. We are artists is k-garten 2. We start making lists-labels. They hurt me because they are _________. We protect ourselves by shutting off people that we think might hurt us 3. Revenge- sometimes w hurt back

Leaders have to learn to forgive Not just student s of forgiving, you have to get really good at it Forgiveness means refusing to make them pay for what they did To refrain from lashing out at someone when you want to do it with all of your being is a form of agony

In forgiveness, you are absorbing the debt. Taking the cost of it completely on yourself. You completely absorb the pain instead of lashing out at the other person. It feels like a kind of death - a kind of suffering

Parker Palmer The cross says, the pain stops here. The cross is a way of absorbing pain, not passing it on. Father forgive them, they dont know what The way of the cross is a way that transforms pain from destructive impulse into creative constructive transforming power

You see, you are a leader, you do have great power When Jesus accepted the cross, his death opened up a channel for the redeeming power of love. This pattern unleashes amazing power in this world- and you get to play.

Identify successful mid-level managers and lieutenants. Let go- so that they can do it. Moses Father in law Jethro Ex 18 - you cant do it alone

Let their light shinementor and deploy. Then you spend your time doing what only you can do. What you need to do. Using your AAs

They invite people to see in themselves what the leader sees Gifts night in disciple Bible Study Leaders give them a chance to further their potential by asking- What are your dreams? Where do you want to go?

Leaders take responsibility, give credit

What is your passion? Bill Hybels book Holy Discontent Permission giving at WCC the three questions What is on your heart go do it

Learn to be a problem solver Learn what you do not know Be willing to remake yourself What are you reading? Who are you? Who are you becoming?

conflict and absorbing pain part 1- who are you?

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