[conciseness]create strong verbs (3)

8/8/2019 [Conciseness]Create Strong Verbs (3)

1/11

Create Strong Verbs (3)

http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw
http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw/http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw/


2/11

isare

waswerehasgivemakecome

take


3/11

1 Original

If the weight of the fuselage unable to lighten more than 10%,that will influence the installs the ammunition and enduranceof the fighter plane. The inability to adopt the traditionalmaterial to solve the problem that the plane fuselage is

reduced weight, because unable to find a kind of light andstrong material to reach this demand at present.

RevisedFailing to lighten the fuselage weight by more than10adversely impacts installation of the ammunition andendurance of a fighter plane. The inability to adoptconventionally adopted materials to reduce plane fuselageweight makes it impossible to identify a light and enduringmaterial.


4/11

2 Original

There are several combinations of transport modes for connectionbetween Pudong international airport and Hongqiao airport; sincethe public transport systems are widely promoted by Chinesegovernment for the environmental concerns, this research willevaluate the atmospheric CO2 emission of the urban public

transport system, by assessing the CO2 emission from bus systemand metro system, and rental cars which travel between the twoairports.

RevisedSeveral combinations of transportation modes link PudongInternational Airport and Hongqiao Domestic Airport. As the Chinese

government has widely promoted public transportation systems forenvironmental concerns, this work evaluates the atmospheric CO2emissions of the Shanghai public transportation system, includingbus and metro subway systems, as well as rental cars travelingbetween the two airports.


5/11

3 Original

We must export the data from the read-made software to dothe reports those are require from other department andurgent event. So we must put extra man power to finish thework and will delay other work or we must need our people

work overtime to finish the work. Revised

The customized software incorporates data into reports, asaccumulated from other departments and urgentcircumstances. Additional personnel must therefore beallotted to complete a specific task, subsequently delayingother tasks or forcing employees to work overtime.


6/11

4 Original

In the LCD industry, design houses are focus on producingfine pitch ICs. Fine pitch ICs will be the challenge to packageand panel manufacturers, especially in the bumping process.Bumping houses need to overcome the residue issue in

bumps and the process window limiting such as photo,etching, and inspection.

RevisedDesign houses in the LCD sector manufacture fine pitch ICs,posing a major challenge to IC packaging and display panelmanufacturers, especially in the bumping process. Bumpingmanufactories must overcome the residue in bumps andprocess window limitations such as in photo degradation,etching and inspection.


7/11

5 Original

The requirement of quakeproof design in the contracts is that trussstructures shall stand the seismic force of 0.7g along horizontal andvertical directions, respectively. The requirement much emphasizesthe strength of truss structure. The requirement of aseismic designis not really clear. Furthermore, no regulations about the safety

factor of aseismic design are found in Chinese National Standards.Besides, we have not experience on related aseismic design before.

RevisedQuakeproof design in related contracts requires that truss structureswithstand a seismic force of 0.7g in horizontal and vertical directions,i.e. a requirement that heavily emphasizes truss structural strength.

The inability to standardize aseismic design requirements explainsthe lack of both regulations governing the safety factors of aseismicdesign in Chinese National Standards and experience island widewith aseismic design.


8/11

6 Original

LCD driver devices are very sensitive, any pollutedmaterial around bumps will incur the shortage issue.Thus, the yield will be required a lot to make the

quality by IC design houses. Revised

Given the extreme sensitivity of LCD driver devices,polluted material around the bumps incurs defectiveproduct and subsequent shortage, necessitating a

significant yield to ensure quality in IC designhouses.


9/11

7 Original

8 inch fab is foundry factor and the benefit from customersorder amount. Solving customers problem is importantsegment. Based on the above, customers will requestintegrate to supply method to improve product low yield. But

customers dont understand fab process clearly, it almostwaste a lot of time to cumulate each other.

Revised8 inch wafer fab foundries heavily focus on increasingcustomer orders by complying with their requirements asmuch as possible. Despite customer requests to integrate

supply methods to increase product yield, their lack ofunderstanding of the wafer fab process leads to much timespent in consulting with them and complying with theirrequests.


10/11

8 Original

Consider that a wafer product has yield < 90%. To keep yieldat high level integrate have to provide electric, inline data anddoubtful tool, further bring up solving method and completeschedule. If customers question not be solved or request not

be satisfied, they will throw order amount to other factory, itwill decrease customers income.

RevisedFor instance, a wafer product with a yield lower than 90%requires a high level of integration to provide electricity, inlinedata and potentially faulty tool inspection in order to avoid

schedule delays. The inability to resolve customer concernsor comply with their requests satisfactorily jeopardizes theirloyalty and ultimately lowers their profits.


11/11

Further details can be found at

http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw
http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw/http://www.chineseowl.idv.tw/

[conciseness]create strong verbs (3)

Documents