[conciseness]create strong verbs (1)

8/8/2019 [Conciseness]Create Strong Verbs (1)

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Create Strong Verbs (1)

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2/11

isare

waswerehasgivemakecome

take


3/11

1 Original

In China, droughts influences on irrigation, industry and dailyuse are gradually raised about due to the higher uncertainty inprecipitation season and glacier recessions. The Himalayassystem, encompassing about 12, 000 km3 of freshwater,

feeding the Asias seven major rivers, are responsible for 2.4billions of populations livelihood.

RevisedDroughts in China have increasingly influenced irrigation,industry and daily water consumption owing to a high degreeof uncertainty during the precipitation season and glacierrecessions. Encompassing approximately 12,000 km3 offreshwater, the Himalayan system, i.e. the primary source forAsias seven major rivers, provides the livelihoods of 2.4billion of the global population.


4/11

2 Original

Directors of admissions in hospitals must become betterto their service and product in the industry. They mustdo so by understanding what the customer want and

how to do can success by us. Therefore, developingmarket strategies is important.

RevisedDirectors of hospital admissions must enhance thequality of offered products and services in the medicalsector by understanding customer preferences,necessitating the importance of developing effectivemarketing strategies.


5/11

3 Original

So far, there is little popularity using e-learning system inTaiwan, therefore, the chance for a person to learn andtest himself decreasing. It is no way to gain morelearning opportunities to achieve the goal he wishes.

RevisedWith e-learning in its infancy in Taiwan, individuals lackample opportunities to pursue an education online. Thislack of learning opportunities makes it difficult forindividuals to fully realize their educational goals.


6/11

4 Original

The traditional transistor isolation technique isused LOCUS (local oxidation of silicon)technique. However, LOCOS will result in

Birds Beak effect and the shallow depth offormed FOX (field oxide).

RevisedThe conventional transistor isolation method of

local oxidation of silicon (LOCOS) incurs theBirds Beak effect and a shallow depth offormed field oxide (FOX).


7/11

5 Original

Besides the advantage mentioned above, thecustomized software program is very friendly. Thecustomized software program can avert personnel errors

and very easy to operate. The proposed customizedsoftware pgram can create each report when yourequest and very shortly to finish it.

RevisedIn addition to the above merit, the user friendly andcustomized software program can avert personnel errors,simplify operations and create requested reportsefficiently.


8/11

6 Original

If the present rate is maintained, Himalayan glaciers are likelyto shrink by 100,000 m2 by the year 2035. According to Qin(2009), this will bring drought to north India and intensifyfloods in southern China and droughts in the north. From this

point, it is learned that billions of peoples lives are at jeopardyfor the water deficiency at present and in the future.

RevisedUnder the current rate, by 2035, Himalayan glaciers will likelyshrink by 100,000 km2. Qin (2009) posits that such a dilemmawill not only bring drought to northern India, but also intensify

floods in the south and droughts in the north of China. Fromthe above finding, we can infer that current and future watershortages will jeopardize the livelihoods of billions of people.


9/11

7 Original

Shanghai, possessing the worlds largest public transportsystem network and longest public transport systemmileage, could be viewed as the representative locationfor a more holistic investigation on Chinas urban area

passenger transportation system.

RevisedWith the largest public transportation systeminfrastructure globally in terms of square miles, Shanghairepresents the ideal location for investigating holistically

the passenger transportation system in urban China.


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[conciseness]create strong verbs (1)

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