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For questions, email [email protected] . Page 1 of 14 Discussion Questions 1. What are your biggest communication challenges, both personally and professionally? 2. What are your preferred methods of communication? Rank order the following from #1-5 or 6 (if you have an other) with #1 being your most preferred method: a. Face-to-face ________ b. Email ________ c. Phone ________ d. Text ________ e. Social Media ________ f. Other (specify) __________ ________ 3. What is the greatest source of miscommunication you face? Notes ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

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For questions, email [email protected]. Page 1 of 14

Discussion Questions

1. What are your biggest communication challenges, both personally and professionally?

2. What are your preferred methods of communication? Rank order the following from #1-5 or 6 (if you have an other) with #1 being your most preferred method:

a. Face-to-face ________

b. Email ________

c. Phone ________

d. Text ________

e. Social Media ________

f. Other (specify) __________ ________

3. What is the greatest source of miscommunication you face?

Notes

________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 2 of 14

COMMUNICATION SELF-ASSESSMENT

Please respond to the following statements as honestly as possible.

Always Usually Sometimes Rarely Never

I listen carefully and rephrase information for better understanding.

In order to better understand the message, I put myself in the person speaking’s place.

I ask questions if the message is not clear.

I concentrate on what is being said and avoid internal and external distractions.

I control my emotions when receiving difficult information from others.

I make eye contact when communicating with others.

I use appropriate body language and nonverbal cues when listening.

When someone talks to me, I stop what I’m doing to listen to the person.

When someone is talking to me, I do not look at my phone or computer.

When choosing a seat to have a conversation, I try to pick a place to minimize distractions.

When someone else is talking, I don’t interrupt them or finish their sentences.

When someone is explaining something to me, I do not come to a conclusion before the person finishes the explanation.

When someone is talking to me, I try to read the person’s body language for clues to what the person is feeling.

If my phone rings when someone is talking to me, I do not check to see if I should answer it.

When someone says something critical about me or gives me bad news, I don’t become defensive or punish the messenger.

When people talk to me, I can tell when they think I don’t understand, so I paraphrase back to them what they have said.

All of the items on the self-assessment represent good communication skills on the part of the listener. Your goal is to use all of these skills “usually” or “always”. Work toward improving those areas in which you show a need for improvement, especially in areas you rated as “rarely” or “never.”

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 3 of 14

Next Level Communication Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Nonverbal Communication

Effective communication is more than just saying or writing the correct words. Communication involves much more than just words. Unspoken communication, the subtle messages conveyed without words that are transmitted and received in every face-to-face encounter is body language. Posture, facial expressions, tone, and gestures are all part of body language. The nonverbal signals we send communicate our attitudes, feelings, and emotions. From the moment we meet people, we judge them by what we see and how they make us feel. The following is a list of nonverbal cues with messages they transmit. Keep in mind that interpretations vary for different cultures, and that some have multiple meanings.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.” - Peter Drucker

Communication Challenges

We speak at an average rate of 125 words per minute. We listen at about 150-400 words per minute. We think at about 1000-3000 words per minute.

ENGAGED • Leaning forward • Open body • Open arms • Open hands

AGGRESIVE • Leaning forward • Hands on hips • Finger pointing • Fists clenched

REJECTED • Moving back • Arms folded • Legs crossed, thigh on knee • Head down • Frown

LISTENING • Head tilted • Lots of eye contact • Nodding • High blink rate

DEFENSIVE • Arms crossed • Feet pointing in • Hands clenched

EAGER • Open legs • Sprint position • Feet under chair • On toes • Leaning forward

ATTENTIVE • Standing • Arms behind back • Smiling • Open feet

LET ME SPEAK • Finger tapping • Foot tapping • Staring • Leaning forward

DECEPTIVE • Avoids eye contact • Looking up and to the left • Hands touching face, nose, or throat

UNINTERESTED • Staring into space • Slumped posture • Doodling • Foot tapping

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 4 of 14

Providing Beneficial Feedback

Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Positive Feedback Four components to make positive feedback (praise) more effective:

1. Specific 2. Immediate 3. Earned 4. Individualized

Corrective Feedback Four components of corrective feedback (BEER method):

1. Behavior 2. Effect 3. Expectation 4. Result or Consequence

Remember with corrective feedback:

• Avoid “never” or “always.” • Give feedback in private. • Follow up to either provide positive feedback if the performance has changed or

more corrective feedback (including enforcing consequences) if it has not changed.

Application and Role Play First, write a workplace scenario that would benefit from providing corrective feedback. Next, discuss with your partner. Select one person to be the supervisor and the other to be the employee. Role play the scenario including providing effective feedback. Be prepared to do so in front of the class.

Scenario:

_______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 5 of 14

26 Tips for Proper Email Etiquette By Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

1. Write concisely and professionally. 2. Use all rules of proper business writing including using active voice instead of

passive voice. Use correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation. 3. Check your facts to ensure accuracy. If in doubt, do not send it. 4. Read your email message out loud before you send it. 5. Use plain text formatting. If you use html, select legible colors and fonts. 6. Address the recipient appropriately including the use of To, Bcc, and Cc. 7. Err on the side of formality, especially with salutations. 8. When the distribution list is greater than approximately 10, blind copy multiple

recipients rather than displaying all email addresses. 9. Do not overuse Reply All. 10. Prevent email flaming whenever possible. If you feel angry or upset, wait one

hour before sending or responding to an email message. 11. Do not copy the chain of command or reply when copied unless it is protocol. 12. Answer promptly, but don’t become a slave to your email. 13. If you won’t be able to respond for some time, and it is an urgent matter,

respond to let the sender know that you received the message and that you are working on the response.

14. Use an appropriate subject line and correct the subject line when needed. 15. Use the high priority message option sparingly. 16. When attaching documents, limit the file size to 1MB (5MB for high speed

connections) and ensure a descriptive file name and appropriate file format. 17. Do not write in ALL CAPS. It is the equivalent of yelling! 18. Delete the message thread when the topic changes or as needed when

forwarding. 19. Respond at the top of a message thread, and avoid embedding responses

within a thread. 20. Avoid the use of acronyms, excessive punctuation, and emoticons!!!! ☺ 21. Do not request delivery and read receipts, or ask to recall a message. 22. Do not forward viruses, hoaxes, jokes, or chain letters. Always check

http://snopes.com when you are sent anything questionable. 23. Do not reply to SPAM, but do remove yourself from unwanted solicitations. 24. Always close your email with your name. 25. Signature lines should include name, organization, and contact information. 26. Don’t send anything via email that you wouldn’t want published in the

newspaper.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 6 of 14

20 Tips for Proper Chat Etiquette By Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

1. Introduce yourself with a friendly greeting and an accurate callback number and email address.

2. Err on the side of formality, especially with salutations. 3. Answer promptly within 30 seconds. Consider the waiting client as you would a

client face-to-face. 4. Convey a positive, helpful tone. 5. If you won’t have an answer within 2 minutes, let the client know that you received

the message and are working on the response; check in every 2 minutes at a minimum and thank the client for his or her patience.

6. Gather all of the information you need up-front. 7. Be prepared by having resources for more complex issues close at hand. 8. Write concisely and professionally. 9. Use all rules of proper business writing including correct spelling, grammar, and

punctuation. 10. When appropriate, show empathy. 11. Avoid one-word responses. 12. Check your facts to ensure accuracy before responding. 13. Do not write in ALL CAPS. It is the equivalent of yelling! 14. Avoid the use of excessive punctuation and emoticons. 15. Avoid the use of jargon, slang, and acronyms including LOL, np, and u. 16. Allow time for the client to respond. 17. When transferring or inviting someone else into a chat, let the client know the

reason and with whom. 18. If chat content gets confusing or client seems upset, suggest the client please call

you rather than continue the chat. 19. End conversations with gratitude and ask if there is anything else with which you

may assist them. 20. Don’t send anything via chat that you wouldn’t want published in the newspaper.

Netiquette Summary Convey professionalism. Have a positive, helpful attitude.

Get to the point. Respond promptly and accurately. Proofread for grammar, punctuation, spelling. Be professional and respectful at all times.

Be patient. Double check information before sending. Treat your clients as you would want to be

treated. Empathize. Suggest alternate method of communication

when appropriate. Use a friendly, professional tone. Remember that messages are permanent.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 7 of 14

Customer Service Excellence Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Compassionate Service-oriented Understanding Empowered Satisfying Respectful Team-focused Values-driven Outstanding Intelligent Methodical Courteous Empathetic Excellent Rewarding

Choosing Words Carefully

Instead of saying this... Say this. Let me transfer you. Let me connect you. I can.... I will.... I’m not sure what you want. I would be happy to help. It’s not my job. Let me see what I can do. I need to... May I? I can do that. I would be happy to take care of that for you. You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure. I can’t.... Here are two other options.... Okay, no problem. I am happy to assist. The policies say... Let me see what I can do. These are the facts. Let me take a look to see what happened. I have to... I get to...

Statements That Work • My sincere apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you. • I apologize for the difficulties you have experienced. • Finding a solution is just as important to me as it is to you. • I understand how frustrating it is to feel like you're being passed around when all you want is help. • (When the attack feels personal and no other tactics have worked) - Have I done something to

personally upset you? • I'd like to be a part of the solution. • That must have been very frustrating for you. • If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way. • Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you feel. • Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention.

Avoid fillers that diminish your credibility like “umm,” “uh,” or “hmm.”

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 8 of 14

Meeting Customer Needs in Person or by Phone

To Make a Customer Feel: Welcome...

• Be friendly. • Greet customer. • Introduce yourself. • Use a positive tone of voice. • Smile. • Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Understood... • Listen carefully. • Empathize. • Repeat or rephrase to make things clearer.

Valued... • Refer to customer by name. • Show interest in customer’s needs. • Ask open-ended questions. • Thank the customer.

Comfortable... • Show concern.

With Upset Customers, Turn Down the HEAT! • Hear customers out. Let them vent. People yell because they feel nobody is

listening. They begin to calm down when given a voice, so listen actively. In person, make sure your body language conveys that you are paying attention. On the phone, give verbal assurance that you hear what is being said. Via email, make sure your response acknowledges their message.

• Empathize. Don’t judge. Put yourself in other people’s shoes and convey a courteous, compassionate tone of voice. When people are upset or angry, it is your job to help them through it.

• Ask questions. Get clarification. Avoid using confusing words or jargon, and be prepared to explain processes. Describe exactly what the issue is so that when possible, you can work toward correcting it.

• Take responsibility. Apologize. People’s perceptions of the law enforcement are often negative, and processes are often intimidating to them. While you may not personally be responsible for the issue, procedures and policies may cause confusion and stress. To ease their minds, let customers know that you have helped others in similar situations and reassure them that you will get through the situation together.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 9 of 14

Questions Every Supervisor Should Ask His or Her Direct Reports

Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Leadership is a process of positively influencing others. People in positions of leadership including supervisors need to have open dialogue with their direct reports about expectations, performance, feedback, and more. Here are some excellent questions that every supervisor should ask in one-on-one conversations:

• What motivates you?

• What is one thing you would like to learn?

• What are your long-term goals?

• Where would you like to be in one year? Five years?

• As a supervisor, how can I you better support you?

• What is one thing you’d like to improve in the workplace?

• What is one thing you would like to improve in yourself?

• What is one suggestion you have for what would help me improve to make me a more effective supervisor?

Other great questions to ask:

• How do you like to be rewarded?

• What are the most important things you’d like to achieve this year?

• How can I help you be successful?

• How would you describe the biggest challenges our team is facing?

• What is your impression of our organizational culture?

• What is your impression of our team culture?

• What is your preferred method or methods of communication?

Ask these questions in the beginning of employment and periodically throughout the course of a working relationship. Use the information you learn to work on being an even more effective leader as well to as provide any specific coaching and training for your direct reports.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 10 of 14

Resolving Conflict

When conflict arises, ask yourself the following questions to clarify the emotions behind the conflict and help resolve the situation using the CALM model.

The CALM Model of Conflict Resolution C Clarify the issue. A Address the problem. L Listen to the other side. M Manage your way to resolution.

The CALM model, developed by CRM Learning, uses the following questions to guide people through managing their emotions. This is how you clarify the issue.

1. What am I upset about? In specific behavioral terms, what actually happened? Who else is involved? What did they do?

2. What emotions am I feeling? Why am I feeling that way? 3. Have I contributed to the problem? 4. Am I just overreacting? If so, why? 5. What are my desires for an outcome to this conflict? What will successful resolution look like? 6. If I were the other person in this situation, how would I want to be approached? 7. Could the other person have been motivated by good intentions? 8. Has this happened before, or is this a first time occurrence? 9. How is this situation affecting me and my work? Are others impacted? If so, how?

10. What can I do to facilitate getting the results I want? What counter-productive behaviors do I want to avoid?

Role Play: CALM Model Practice

Think of a scenario, current or past, that would benefit from having a discussion with the person to resolve conflict. Get with a partner. Discuss each of your scenarios, then role play having a discussion to resolve the conflict. Be prepared to share.

_______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 11 of 14

Everyone Communicates, Few Connect Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Connecting Principles 1. Connecting increases your influence in every situation. 2. Connecting is all about others. 3. Connecting goes beyond words. 4. Connecting always requires energy. 5. Connecting is more skill than natural talent.

Connecting Practices 1. Connectors connect on common ground. 2. Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it simple. 3. Connectors create an experience everyone enjoys. 4. Connectors inspire people. 5. Connectors live what they communicate.

Maxwell, John C. (2010). Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently. Thomas Nelson Publishers. 262 pages.

Central Truths 1. If you want to succeed, you must learn how to connect with others. 2. High achievers care about people, view subordinates optimistically, seek

advice from everyone regardless of position, and listen well to others. 3. Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. 4. We remember much more of what we see than what we hear. 5. Connecting always requires energy; we must intentionally and willingly

connect with others. This requires initiative (go first); clarity (be prepared); patience (slow down); selflessness (give); and stamina (recharge).

6. If you are responsible for leading people or communicating with others, it is especially vital for you to find ways to recharge.

7. A bad beginning makes a bad ending (Euripides). 8. People connect with stories, not statistics. 9. It is the job of a leader to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity.

10. Three words are essential to connect with others: brevity, levity, and repetition.

11. Leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could (Steve Jobs).

12. The mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher explains, and the great teacher demonstrates.

13. Vision without passion is a picture without possibilities. 14. People ask three questions about their leaders: Do they care for me? Can

they help me? Can I trust them? 15. Preparation yields confidence and passion yields conviction.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 12 of 14

Application of Concepts 1. When communicating, find common ground, make communication simple,

capture people’s interest, inspire others, and be authentic. 2. When you communicate, you must include: thought (something I know),

emotion (something I feel), and action (something I do). 3. When communicating, attempt to connect on four levels: visually,

intellectually, emotionally, and verbally. • Connect visually- eliminate personal distractions (do not allow anything

to distract from your message); expand your range of expressions; move with sense of purpose, pay attention to surroundings, remove obstacles, and reduce distance from audience.

• Connect intellectually- know your subject and yourself. • Connect emotionally- the words used are far less important than the

energy, intensity, and conviction with which you use them. • Connect verbally- what we say and how we say things make quite an

impact. 4. Bring intentional energy to conversations. Gear up mentally and

emotionally for communication opportunities. 5. Think of ways you can increase your energy when speaking to an

audience. 6. Read voraciously then file quotes and illustrations. Have supporting

material ready to include in any message. 7. Become a student of communication; study effective speakers. 8. The larger the audience, the more energy you will need to bring to your

communication. 9. Build upon agreement, not disagreement. Don’t make assumptions about

people. Take into consideration other people’s views, avoid indifference, and don’t isolate yourself.

10. Availability requires intentionality; spend time with others. 11. Keep talks to three ideas. Get to the point. 12. Deliver results before delivering the message; communicate from

experience. You must live what you communicate. 13. Do not commit one or more of the four unpardonable sins of a

communicator: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, and uncomfortable.

14. If you want to get your message across, you have to learn how to communicate in someone else’s world.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” - Plato

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 13 of 14

Connecting with Others

Connectors connect on common ground. When you find things in common with others, you instantly establish a connection. You never know when that connection will lead to a long-lasting personal or professional relationship. We all have choices available to finding common ground. Common ground choices are:

1. ________________ - I will choose to spend time with others.

2. ________________ - I will listen my way to common ground.

3. ________________ - I will be interested enough in others to ask questions.

4. ________________ - I will think of others and look for ways to help them.

5. ________________ - I will let people into my life.

6. ________________ - I will care about people.

7. ________________ - I will think of myself less so I can think of others more.

8. ________________ - I will move from my world to theirs.

For questions, email [email protected]. Page 14 of 14

Inspiring and Connecting

Connectors inspire people. People don’t follow unenthusiastic leaders. True leaders inspire others. The “inspiration equation” is the following:

What people know includes that you understand them and you are focused on them. What people see includes your conviction and your example. What people feel includes your confidence in yourself and in them as well as your gratitude for them. When you inspire others, you help them achieve things they may have never thought possible. Connectors live what they communicate, which creates trust and credibility. Those feelings convey integrity for the person communicating. Ask yourself the following questions as part of your “credibility checklist”:

• Have I connected with myself? • Have I made right my wrongs? • Am I accountable? • Do I lead like I live? • Do I tell the truth? • Am I vulnerable? • Am I following the Golden Rule? • Do I deliver results?

Action Items Action Item I Will Commit To Doing By What Date?