communicate with clarity & confidence

Communicate with

Clarity & Confidence

Day Agenda:8:30-8:45 Icebreaker: What Are You Going To Do With That?

8:45-9:00 Session One: Course Overview

9:00-9:15 Session Two: Creating Positive Relationships

9:15-9:45 Session Three: Growing Our Self-Awareness

9:45-10:30 Session Four: Communication Basics

10:30-10:45 Break

10:45-12:00 Session Five: Communication Barriers

12:00-1:00 Lunch

1:00-1:15 Energizer: Word Play

1:15-2:15 Session Six: Asking Questions

2:15-2:30 Break

2:30-4:15 Session Seven: Listening Skills

4:15-4:30 Day One Wrap-Up

Day Agenda Cont.:8:30-8:45 Icebreaker: Paperclip Confessions

8:45-9:45 Session Eight: Body Language

9:45-11:00 Session Nine: Communication Styles

11:00-11:45 Session Ten: Creating a Positive Self-Image

11:45-12:00 Morning Wrap-Up

12:00-1:00 Lunch

1:00-1:15 Energizer: Observation Skills

1:15-2:00 Session Eleven: Frame of Reference

2:00-2:15 Break

2:15-3:00 Session Twelve: Techniques for the Workplace

3:00-4:15 Session Thirteen: Assertiveness

4:15-4:30 Workshop Wrap-Up

Session One: Course Overview

• Identify common communication problems that may be holding you back

• Develop skills to ask questions that give you information you need• Learn what your non-verbal messages are telling others• Develop skills in listening actively and empathetically to others• Enhance your ability to handle difficult situations• Deal with situations assertively

Learning Objectives

Session Two: Creating Positive Relationships (I)

1. Speak to people.2. Smile at people.3. Call people by name.4. Be friendly and helpful.5. Be cordial.6. Be genuinely interested in people.7. Be generous with praise, cautious with criticism.8. Be considerate with the feelings of others. 9. Be alert to give service.10. Practice your positive sense of humor.

Self-Defeating Talk• There is nothing we can do.• They won’t allow that.• I can’t…• I must…• If only…

Uplifting Talk• Let’s look at the choices.• We can try something new.• I will…• We can…• From here on…

Session Two: Creating Positive Relationships (II) Uplifting Talk

Session Three: Growing Our Self-Awareness

• I’m concerned that I’m not effective enough when dealing with my supervisor or my co-workers.

• After I’ve had a conversation with someone, I sometimes worry if I’ve said anything that could be construed as offensive.

• I am frequently in a position of trying to counteract a bad impression I believe I’ve made.

• I rarely worry about being considered by others as misinformed or ignorant on things.

• When I’m in social situations, I’m not concerned about following rules of etiquette or being self-conscious.

Do You Question Your Competence? (I)


• I tend to fret that others may think I don’t know what I’m doing.

• I fear that others may not see me as adequately disciplined.• I usually wonder whether my co-workers think that I’m not

putting enough time and energy into my job.• I avoid criticizing someone else’s judgment for fear of

appearing in the wrong.• I tend to worry that others will laugh at my ideas.

Do You Question Your Competence? (II)


• Fake it until you make it• Be well prepared• Learn how to relax• Be consistent

Developing Confidence

Session Four: Communication Basics

• What is your definition of a skilled communicator? • Think of a time when you are at your best.

– What do you do? – How do you act?

• Think of a time when you are at your worst as a communicator. – What do you do? – How do you act?

Defining a Skilled Communicator (I)

Session Four: Communication Basics

• Think of someone you know who is an excellent communicator.

• What makes that person stand out to you? • What things are they doing that we could learn from? • Do you also see things in them that they could learn to

make themselves even better at communicating?

Defining a Skilled Communicator (II)

Session Five: Communication Barriers

What is the problem?a) They don’t like your culture.b) You appeared pushy by introducing yourselves as soon as you

arrived.c) The Midlanders do not necessarily socialize with their neighbors.d) Midland culture dictates that newcomers to a neighborhood must

wait for an established neighbor to initiate the association.

Case Study: New Neighbors


• Experience• Emotions• Background• Attitudes• Culture• Subject

knowledge• Prejudice

• Mood• Wording• Education• Noise Level• Ambiguity• Perceptions• Non-verbal

messages

• Hearing difficulties

Group Exercise


• What are some of the things that can be done in your organization/department to communicate better?

• Are these physical or mental activities?• Are these individual or team activities?• If your organization/department were a zoo, what kind of

inhabitants would it have?

Applying the Answers

Session Six: Asking Questions

Closed Questions • Can be answered by either “yes” or “no,” or with a specific bit of

data• Restrict responses• Require very little effort on either person’s part • Can be used to close down a conversation• Tend to get over-used• Can lead us to make assumptions (=barriers)

Asking Good Questions (I)


Open Questions• Encourage people to talk. • Cannot be answered with yes/no• Begin with a variation of the five W’s (who, what, when, where,

why) or ask how

Asking Good Questions (II)


Open QuestionsCan be used to:• Get information• Focus conversations• Solicit opinions• Gain consensus

Asking Good Questions (III)


Five Ways to Probe• Open question• Pause• Reflective or mirroring question• Paraphrasing • Summary question

Probing (II)

Session Seven: Listening Skills

1. Wildflowers2. Richard Stewart 3. Computers, a printer, and a fax machine4. Third anniversary5. 2 W’s are missing: the when and where

Can You Hear Me?


1. Do you enjoy listening?2. Is it easy for you to listen with interest to a large variety of

subjects?3. Do your friends seek you out to discuss a problem or decision

when they need help?4. Does your attention usually stray?5. Do you interrupt?6. Are you more apt to be thinking ahead to what you will say next

rather than weighing what you are being told?

How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (I)


7. Do you stop listening to everything when you strongly disagree with the speaker on one point?

8. Do you assume or anticipate regarding the other person’s views?9. Do you feel you can judge most people quite quickly before

hearing them out?10. Do you generalize ?11. Do you encourage others to elaborate or clarify points you have

misunderstood?12. Do you listen to what is not said, such as the obvious omission?

How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (II)


Scoring• Give yourself 2 points if you answered “Yes” for question 1. • Give yourself 2 points if you answered “No” to questions 4, 5, 6, 7,

8, 9, and 10.• Give yourself 2 points if you answered “Yes” to questions 2, 3, 11,

and 12.

How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (III)


Interpretation• 20+: Strong communication skills; use them to help others.• 10-18: Average range; identify where you’re doing well and where

you would like to do better.• 10-0: It’s time to start learning! Use this quiz to help you set

some goals.

How Do You Rate Your Listening Ability? (III)


• Most of us were fortunate to be born with hearing, but listening is a skill that must be learned and practiced in order to use it successfully.

• When you hear something, sound enters your eardrum, passes through your ear canal, and registers in your brain.

• Listening is what you do with that sound and how you interpret it.

Active Listening Skills (I)


• Listening is hard work!• Active listening means that we try to understand things from the

speaker’s point of view. – It includes letting the speaker know that we are listening and that we

have understood what was said. – This is not the same as hearing, which is a physical process.

• Active listening can be described as an attitude that leads to listening for shared understanding.

Active Listening Skills (III)


Tips for Becoming a Better Listener1. Make a decision to listen. 2. Don’t interrupt people. 3. Keep your eyes focused on the speaker and your ears tuned to

their voice. 4. Carry a notebook or start a conversation file on your computer. 5. Ask a few questions throughout the conversation. 6. When you demonstrate good listening skills, they tend to be

infectious.

Active Listening Skills (V)

Session Seven: Listening Skills What is Said and What is Heard


What would you do if you were trying to talk to someone…• In a noisy workplace? • And there were lots of visual distractions around? • And you felt really tired? • And they had a very strong accent? • And they were speaking too fast for you to understand? • And they were speaking too slowly or softly? • And they kept using jargon words or terms you didn’t understand? • And they appeared to be very stressed? • And they were using emotionally charged words or statements? • And they were verbally attacking you?

Communication Situations

Session Eight: Body Language

Albert Mehrabian’s Research• When discussing emotions:

– 7% of speaker’s message communicated by words– 38% communicated by tone of voice – 55% communicated by body language

• Even in other conversations, we know that tone of voice and body language have a large impact on those messages, too.

What Do Our Bodies Say? (I)


• Your eyes, eyebrows, and mouth send out the signals that can make a world of difference.

• People who smile are happier. • Eye contact helps you carry your message.• Learn to speak with your hands. • Work on appearing sincere and comfortable.• Let your hands do what they want to do (mostly).• Your body posture affects your emotions and how you feel

determines your posture.

What Do Our Bodies Say? (II)


• Pick up cues from people that you are making them uncomfortable.

• Adjust your approach: Take one step back or get the other person to talk instead.

• Result: People will be more at ease and open with you.

What Do Our Bodies Say? (III)


• We all interpret body language differently and we can also feel differently about images.

• We are influenced by past experiences, background, culture, and so on.

• A gesture is a type of non-verbal communication that is communicated through body language, with or without speech.

• If you travel around the world or work with people from different cultures, you need to be aware of the multiple meanings to some gestures.

Gestures (I)

Session Eight: Body Language Gestures (II)


1. Anger2. Shock3. Sadness4. Disbelief5. Confusion6. Rage7. Happiness8. Excitement

9. Joy10. Resentment11. Jealousy12. Disgust13. Surprise14. Curiosity 15. Acceptance 16. Understanding

17. Love18. Hate19. Fear20. Shame21. Desire22. Courage 23. Amusement24. Patience

Emotions

Session Nine: Communication Styles

• What are the advantages of the direct mode of communication?

• What are the disadvantages of the direct mode of communication?

• What are the advantages of the indirect mode of communication?

• What are the disadvantages of the indirect mode of communication?

Dichotomies in Theory (II)

Session Ten: Frame of Reference

• A frame of reference is way in which we judge other people.• In order to really get the meaning of what’s going on, we need to

be able to suspend those judgments.• Your frame of reference is made up of your beliefs, assumptions,

values, feeling, judgments, emotions, advice, moods, thoughts, biases, and stress levels at any given moment.

Frame of Reference (I)

Session Ten: Frame of Reference

Try to: Put others before yourself Check things out before jumping to conclusions,

making assumptions, or reacting emotionally Give others the benefit of the doubt

Frame of Reference (II)

Session Eleven: Frame of Reference

• Active listening behaviors• Common communication mistakes• Non-verbal language• Communication dichotomies• Ways in which people filter the messages they receive• Purposes of communication• Types of questions• Types of written communication• Rules for effective speaking, writing, telephone calling, etc.

Clear Communication

Session Eleven: Techniques for the Workplace

• Have a purpose.• Have an outcome.• Make sure the receiver is ready.• Apply positive intent.

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare


Situation OneYour supervisor calls you to say that he has chosen someone else for a project team position that you were hoping for. You love your current job, but you know you would have done a great job on that project team. Your first reaction is to be mad at your boss for being a jerk and not selecting you.

Testing Our Theories (I)


Situation TwoYou are in a team meeting and you suggest a great solution to the problem. Your supervisor says that she cannot go in that direction, and asks the team for other suggestions.

Testing Our Theories (II)


• Use direct language and deliver a message that is clear, calm, and direct.

• Factual descriptions and relevant details are more likely to be heard.

• Use repetition respectfully and to keep things on track. • Be aware of your nonverbal messages as clearly as you are about

your verbal messages. • Check for understanding.

Delivering Your Message

Session Twelve: Assertiveness

Words to Watch Out For• I’ll try• Ought to• Should have• Must• Always • Never

Self-Attitude (I)


Your Inner Self Talk• Be aware of the internal messages you give yourself. • Can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.• The more you replace your self-talk with positive, confident words,

the more confident you become.• We know that is easily said, and more difficult to realize, but it’s

worth the results!

Self-Attitude (II)


Persuasion• Expect the best.• Know when to stop talking. • Have you ever known another person who talked so much that

other people stopped listening? • Balance enthusiasm with control.

Self-Attitude (III)


Thirty Ways to Persuade1. Learn to link and connect with individual clients.2. Demonstrate your expertise and knowledge.3. Think fair/fair, not win/lose.4. Be consistent and predictable.5. Make sure integrity is reflected in your standards, values, and

behavior.6. Never assume they understand you.7. Never assume they believe you.8. Know when to be silent.9. Tell the truth.10. People believe exact numbers.

Self-Attitude (IV)


Thirty Ways to Persuade (ctd.)11. Show you have nothing to gain.12. Flush out problems assertively.13. Clients believe written words over verbal words. 14. Create an obligation for one or both parties.15. Proceed a bit at a time, from inconsequential points into major areas.16. Practice diffusion; show that you are out for the same things.17. Never corner clients. Leave them a way out.18. Give two options that are both acceptable to you, so that you win

regardless of the choice. (Old sales trick!)19. Play with innocent questions such as, “Why would you want to do

that?”20. Never accept an invitation to attack, since it creates a trust issue.

Self-Attitude (V)


Thirty Ways to Persuade (ctd.)21. Exude charisma and read the auras of individuals.22. Everyone is important and unique. Some literature says that you

should treat all clients like they were an interesting guest on a TV talk show.

23. Don’t patronize.24. Give sincere compliments.25. Smile before you dial (or meeting someone in person).26. Be childlike: open and transparent. Expand your center of

interests to include others and explore the talents of others.27. Use humor if appropriate.28. Remember names.29. Remember: difficult people don’t play by the same rules.30. Practice strategic apologizing.

Self-Attitude (VI)


• What steps would you suggest that Marlene take?• Do you think she will face obstacles in her quest for a more

assertive style?• Why might she succeed?

Case Study: A Negative Image

You Message • You talk too loudly.• You should send out an

agenda.

I Message• I have sensitive hearing.• I'd like to know what we're

going to discuss in the meeting tomorrow so I can bring the right information with me.

Session Twelve: Assertiveness The Assertive Formula (I)

Session Twelve: Assertiveness The Assertive Formula (II)

Step Goal Example

Step 1 Non-judgmentally describe a specific behavior of the other person.

When you…

Step 2 Describe as specifically as possible the effect or practical problems this behavior is causing in your life.

The effects are…

Step 3 Describe how you feel as a result, without using the expression, “you make me...”

I feel…

Step 4 You describe what you want, preferably after you give the other person a chance to state what he or she thinks might be done.

I prefer/would like…


• Say no firmly and calmly.• Say no, followed by a straightforward explanation of what you are

feeling or what you are willing to do. • Say no and then give a choice or alternative.• Say no and then clarify your reasons. • Use your natural no. • Make an empathetic listening statement and then say no.• Say yes, and then give your reasons for not doing it or your

alternative solution.

Expressing Your No (I)


The Persistent Response • Select a concise, one-sentence statement and repeat it no matter

what the other person says or does. – “I understand how you feel, but I’m not willing…”– “I’m not interested…”– “I don’t want to…”’– “I’m uncomfortable doing that, so I don’t want to…”– “You might be right, but I’m not interested.”

• After each statement by the other person, say your persistent response sentence.

Expressing Your No (II)


Guidelines for Saying No• Say your statement firmly, calmly, and as unemotionally as

possible.• Be aware of your nonverbal behavior.• Be persistent.

Expressing Your No (III)

Thank You

communicate with clarity & confidence

Self Improvement