college entrance essays liam hickey writer, career consultant willpower careers
TRANSCRIPT
College Entrance Essays
Liam HickeyWriter, Career ConsultantWillpower Careers
OVERVIEW
Writer’s Triangle
Author
Purpose
Audience
Essay questions and styles
Writing, editing, and rewriting
AUTHOR
Your personality
Your experiences
Your goals
Your beliefs
Your level of English
PURPOSE
Desired result
Interview or acceptance
Create anticipation and intrigue
Give a glimpse of yourself
They ask for more
AUDIENCE
Who is the audience?
Admissions assistants
Admissions officers
Faculty
If I am the audience, why am I reading? (audience purpose)
To make a decision (yes or no)
CRITIQUES OF SAMPLE ESSAYS
INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENTESSAY #2 (HARVARD)• “The essay demonstrates a transformation . . . .”
• “[She] would be able to contribute a fresh perspective . . . .”
• “[She] would be especially adept at bringing together diverse members of the student body . . . .”
INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENTESSAY #3 (PRINCETON)• “This student took time . . . .”
• “[T]he writer took you on the adventure with him, from boyhood to manhood . . . and what he learned from it.”
INFLUENTIAL ACHIEVEMENTESSAY #4 (BROWN)• “[This has] passion and sincerity.”
• “[T]he change in attitude described by the author is real. . . . [H]e will carry with him forever the hard-won knowledge [about] perseverance and hard work . . . .”
– “[T]he admission committee will want to feel sure that the applicants understand the need for hard work and perseverance.”
• “I always like hearing stories like this, of students who know what it means to struggle and finally succeed.”
IMPORTANT ISSUEESSAY #1 (CARNEGIE-MELON)• “[This has] solid arguments, clear thinking, and
good structure.”
– “[Thesis statements] were too broad and lofty . . . .”
• “This student put time and energy into this essay.”
• “It is a well thought out essay with depth and focus.”
• “[He] would certainly make people think, both in class and in discussions outside of academics.”
• “The argument in the essay is logical and substantiated with solid examples.”
IMPORTANT ISSUEESSAY #2 (HARVARD)• “Personal experience is always a useful tool for
introducing one's own beliefs . . . .”
• “[U]nderstand the implications of the parallels you draw.”
• “You may be writing to someone who knows much more than you . . . .”
• “Keep the topic close to your own life and write only about something you know.”
• “What are the weaknesses in his arguments?”
INFLUENTIAL PERSONESSAY #1 (WELLESLEY)• “[T]he writer definitely focuses on herself, which
makes this essay so strong. She manages to impress the reader with her travel experience, volunteer and community experience, and commitment to learning without ever sounding boastful or full of herself. The essay is also very well organized.”
INFLUENTIAL PERSONESSAY #3 (HARVARD)• “[U]sing the introduction of the essay to paint a
scene or mood can be very effective.”
– “[B]egin with the most simple and striking sentence possible.”
• “I don't believe the ‘epiphany’ in the conclusion . . . . It's too easy and convenient.”
AUDIENCE ANALYSIS
Q & A – In your own words . . .
1. What do the admissions officers and faculty want to read?
2. What type of students do they want?
WRITING AND EDITING
WRITING TECHNIQUES
Connect with your readers
Make them feel something!
People act on how you make them feel
Response
WRITING TECHNIQUES
Humor – be human
Sensory descriptions (common experiences)
Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, emotions
“My nose was running. I couldn’t breathe.”
“I felt so scared, I just wanted to . . . .”
“Everything seemed to slow down.”
Similes – using “like” or “as”
“It was like a weight on my chest.”
“It was like I was on center stage, in the spotlight. This was my moment.”
STORYTELLING
Exercise – Complete the following:
1. I was so __________, I wanted to __________.
2. I couldn’t believe what I just __________. It was like __________.
3. I was surrounded by __________.
4. One look from him/her told me that __________.
CONTENT
Story
Strong opening
3 – 5 emotional states
Personal change = compelling
Social / political issue
Thesis
3 supporting points with examples
Conclusion(s)
CONTENT
Easy to read and understand
Natural language
Your level of English
KISS
Strengths, interests, and contributions
Length
About 5 paragraphs
Less than 7 lines per paragraph
3 – 5 sentences per paragraph
20 words or less per sentence
OPENING
Get their attention
Typical = boring = lost
Set the stage
New Delhi, 2010 – monsoon season.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Foreshadow
I understand it all now.
It was the biggest decision I’ve ever made.
Everything was perfect. Nothing could go wrong . . . or so I thought.
OPENING
A meaningful quote
Comment about influential person
“He was my hero.”
Cultural background
Diversity = advantage
GETTING ATTENTION
Exercise – Brainstorm attention-grabbing openers
CLOSING
Conclusion / life lesson / new person
Demonstrate change in yourself
Show, don’t tell
BREVITY
Essential information
Only important parts
Does this add to or distract from my point?
Action verbs and active voice
EXAMPLE
Fewer words are betterUse fewer wordsWrite concisely
Be brief
EDITING AND REWRITING
Process – allow time! Ask others to review it Drafts and rewriting
Adding or reducing material What material is important vs. what is not
Re-editing Read out loud (every word!)
HANDOUTS
Richard Lanham’s Paramedic Method (handout) Shorten sentences Eliminate passive voice
Editing checklist Essay critiques
Green = positive Yellow = warning / negative
BEYOND THE WEBINAR – PRACTICING ON YOUR OWN
FROM YOUR LIFE
Practice – Think of different endings
1. Think of a meaningful experience or favorite story from your life that you know VERY well.
– Describe it three times, each time ending with a different lesson learned.
2. Think of a meaningful experience involving an influential person and a topic you feel strongly about.
– Describe in three different contexts—life-changing experience, influential person, and important topic.
TYPICAL ESSAY QUESTIONS
http://www.englishclub.com/writing/college-application-essays/lo_college.html
Practice – Review sample questions, essays, and critiques
1. Influential person essay
2. Meaningful experience essay
3. Important issue essay
4. Future goals
NATURAL / GENUINE VOICE
Practice – Tell it to a friend
Select two or three possible topics and record yourself as you tell the story to a friend (or pretend a friend is listening).
REREAD
From the university’s frame of mind . . .
Have someone review it!!!!!
Always return to the Writer’s Triangle:
AUTHORPURPOSEAUDIENCE
Liam HickeyWillpower Careers
and
Michelle BakerCorporate Writing Pro
www.corporatewritingpro.com