Don’t go to College without us….

College Acceptance or

Rejection Letters

Ten Ways Parents Can Help Students Cope

The wait is over…

The wait is over. The envelope may be fat, or

thin, or the news may have come via e-

mail. However it has arrived, your high school

student has received word from his chosen

colleges about whether he has been

accepted, waitlisted, or rejected. It is a

defining moment for most students.

Giving thought in advance to how you will

respond may help you to be prepared for any

eventuality. Here are ten suggestions of things

to consider as you, as a parent, confront the

college acceptance – or rejection letters.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

As parents, we often become so involved in the college application process that it feels as though

the victory – or rejection – is ours. We can’t help

empathizing with our student, but we need to

maintain some distance. Take a breath. Step back.

1. Remember that this is your student’s process, not yours.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Whatever you feel, try to subdue your reactions at

first. Let your student have the first moment –

whether she is elated or devastated. Validate

whatever she is feeling. Even an acceptance letter may provoke a mixed reaction. It may not be from a

first-choice school. It may suddenly make the whole

process very real. Wait to see how your student

reacts and take your cue from her.

2. Mute your reactions and follow your student’s lead.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Even if this is an acceptance from a last-choice

college, it is an acknowledgement of your student’s

abilities and it is an accomplishment. Cheer for this moment. Try not to let any moment feel second-

rate.

3. Celebrate every acceptance.

Don’t panic. There are always alternatives. Don’t

vent. This won’t help your student.

4. Stay calm and hold your tongue.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

When your student is ready, be there to listen. He

may want to share his feelings – or he may not. She

may want to consider her options with you – or she

may need to deal with decisions on her own. Be available if needed. Ask questions that will help him

consider options and factors to be considered. Give

him food for thought.

5. Be a sounding board and ask probing questions.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Don’t try to talk to your student right away. Give her

time to process the information – good or

bad. Remember that your student may be feeling

particularly vulnerable right now. The college

application process is inextricably linked with many

students’ self esteem. Your student may feel very

exposed right now, and aware of the public nature

of this acceptance or rejection. He may now be

feeling the pressure to make a final decision.

6. Try to be extra sensitive and take time.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

This is her moment. Resist the temptation to spread

the word. Let her decide how and when she will tell

others what she has heard.

7. Let your student decide how to share the news with

others.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Although, as parents, we always want to make things

better for our children, your student must come to his

own terms with the news he receives. As difficult as

this time may be, this is one of many steps toward

independence and maturity that your child will face

in the coming years.

8. Recognize that you can’t shield your student from this

moment.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Should he attend an Accepted Student Day or other

college event to help make a decision? Will he

need to consider financial aid factors before

deciding? Does he need to revisit the campus to

consider the “chemistry” of the school once again?

9. Help your student consider the next steps.

College Acceptance or Rejection Letters – How Parents Can Help Students Cope

Once your student receives her acceptance – and

possibly rejection – letters, she will need to make

some decisions. The ball will be in her court once

again. She will need to put things in

perspective. She will need to deal with her

emotions. This may take some time. She will

eventually need to make choices and take action,

but she may not be ready immediately. Respect her

need for processing time.

10. Give the process time.

You have questions, we have answers!

College Parents of America and get more tips and advice on:

What is my role as a college parent;

How should I communicate with my college student;

How to avoid becoming a helicopter parent; and Much More…

For more information, please contact us the following ways:

www.CollegeParents.org

888-761-6702