burn outs - 01

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BURN OUTS

Created By

Alexander Ruggie & Scott Hill

Screenplay By

Alexander Ruggie

Al Ruggie1831 S. Wilton Place310.497.4962

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ACT I

EXT. TRAILER PARK - DAY

A huge family - The BOBSONS - have gathered around a keg in

the center of a dilapidated courtyard.

DEE(V.O.)

Throughout time, life has takenroot wherever and wheneverpossible. In most cases everythingthat is alive does a very good jobof being alive. But every once in awhile; somehow, for whateverreason, it doesnt. And when thathappens, well, this is whathappens. The Bobsons.

A quick blast of smash cuts through members of the Bobsonfamily doing abnormal, and/or repulsive things. A man chewsoff his toenails. A massive woman farts with every step shetakes to the horror of those around her. A boy eats bugs offthe ground then vomits, then eats the bugs out of the vomit.

DEE (CONTD)(V.O.)

But life also has ways ofcorrecting its mistakes.

At the party a radio crackles to life as an ANNOUNCER cuts

out the music.

ANNOUNCERSorry to interrupt your usualprogramming, but weve just gottena report that strange airborneobject is hurtling towards theCrystal Estates area right now.

A flaming alien craft blasts through the atmosphere, smashesto the ground and takes out the entire Bobson family clan.DEE, an inter-dimensional space being walks out of the debris

and ashes brushing himself off as though it was all planned.DEE

Well, Most of its mistakes.Somehow, Bob Bobson managed to slipthrough.

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INT. BOB BOBSONS TRAILER - CONTINUOUS

BOB BOBSON, an early thirty-something, overweight, balding,waste of life, is passed out on the edge of a bouncy ballcage with all the balls replaced by beer cans. A line ofdrool pools onto the floor below.

CURTIS, a punk style biker and Bobs lifelong companionbursts into the room and jostles at Bob.

CURTISBob. Bob wake up. Somethingterrible happened.

Bob is completely out. Curtis moves his head and a wave ofpooled up drool empties from his mouth onto the floor.

CURTIS (CONTD)Ugh. Nasty. Bob. Bob. Wake up dude

everyone died in a...in a freakasteroid accident or something atyour family reunion.

Bob blasts awake and stands up at hearing family reunion.

BOBOh man. Im late for my familyreunion Curtis. I never should havedrank that green whatever it waslast night.

Bob tries to get out of the bouncy beer can cage but slips

and falls back into them.

CURTISBob.

BOBI cant believe you let me sleepthrough my family reunion man.

Bob tries to escape again and slides everywhere.

CURTIS

Bob. Bob listen to me.Curtis grabs Bob and steadies him.

BOBWhat?

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CURTISEveryone in your family is dead. Anasteroid or something just hit thetrailer park where your reunion wasat. Theyre all gone.

BOBWhat are you talking about man?weve all got the reunion today.

Curtis shakes his head.

BOB (CONTD)Really?

Curtis nods.

BOB (CONTD)All of em?

CURTISAll of em. Squashed, smashed, orburned. I dont know, whatever anasteroid does I guess.

BOBYoure telling me my whole familydied in one freak trailer parkasteroid explosion? Thatsimpossible the Bobsons are like aplague of dirty, drunken locusts,nothing could bring us all down.

CURTISYep. All of em.

Bob looks around, and shakes his head.

BOBThats crazy. Wow. (beat) Hey whendid we get a bouncy ball cage?

CURTISLast night you took it after

drinking the green stuff.BOB

Awesome.

Bob tries to exit the bouncy ball cage but falls to the floorand onto his puddle of drool.

BOB (CONTD)Ugh, nasty.

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KNOCK at the door.

EXT. BOBS TRAILER - CONTINUOUS

A LAWYER stands anxiously at Bobs door. Bob answers, and

pushes the Lawyer down a few steps to the landing with hisgut as he hounds him. Curtis waits at the door.

BOBWhat the hell do you want? I paidwhoever it is, or it wasnt me inthe first place. If you think itsmy kid I want to see a blood test.And if this is about anything thathappened in 92 youd better run.

The Lawyer checks his papers.

LAWYERNo. This isnt any of that. Are youBob Bobson?

Bob leans over to Curtis and whispers to him.

CURTISIf he were Bob Bobson, would you behere to serve him papers?

The Lawyer rolls his eyes.

LAWYER

No. Look, I represent the estate ofGoldy Bobson. She died recently ina car explosion and left youeverything. That is, if youre BobBobson.

BOBGoldy...I remember her. Whateverhappened to Goldy?

EXT. GOLDYS MANSION - DAY - 1 MONTH AGO

CHIPS and ROSCOE are two neighborhood kids in their lateteens to early twenties. Theyre hiding behind some hedges atthe end of the driveway.

CHIPSDid you do it?

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ROSCOEOperation potato tailpipe revengeis...operational?

CHIPSNice. Now all we have to do is wait

until Goldy starts her car. Whenthe engine dies, shell have totake it to the shop which will giveus plenty of time to sneak into herhouse and get back the concerttickets she stole from us.

Just then Goldy comes out of her house. Pan from Chips andRoscoe laughing as they await Goldys misfortune, over toGoldy as she gets into the car. Continue panning over to amafia-like henchman with a remote trigger in his hand. Hepresses the button. BOOM as the car explodes. The henchmanleaves. Pan back over to a firey wreck. Continue panning over

to Chips and Roscoe in shock, awe and fear that they justkilled Goldy.

CHIPS (CONTD)What did you do man?

Roscoe is a bit of a pyromaniac and his face is lit up withexcitement.

ROSCOEDude that was awesome.

CHIPS

What? Dude, did we just kill Goldy?

Roscoe shifts to serious fear.

ROSCOEOh. I dont know. Maybe? All I didwas put a potato in the tailpipeman. It works in the movies.

CHIPSHoly crap we killed Goldy.

They look at each other in fear and confusion. They both takeoff running in opposite directions. Then Roscoe backtracksand runs after Chips.

EXT. BOBS TRAILER - RETURN

The Lawyer looks perplexed, but shakes it off.

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LAWYERHello? Anyone home? Guy, are youwith me?

Bob returns to reality.

BOBRight Goldy. So like did she die inthe asteroid too or something?

LAWYERWhat? No. Listen, I dont knowanything about an asteroid, orwhatever...weirdo. I do know thatGoldy Bobson is dead. Really reallydead. Burned to a crisp actually.And if youre Bob Bobson, then sheleft you everything. Do you wantit? Please can you just sign this

and take it so I can go? I feellike Im going to be infected withsomething just breathing the airhere.

The Lawyer is holding out the papers on a clipboard with onehand and the keys to the new house in the other. Bob signsand grabs the keys.

EXT. GOLDYS MANSION - LATER

A bus pulls away leaving Bob and Curtis looking at a

neighborhood filled with rich people and their huge houses.

Bob and Curtis presence immediately causes a stir as peopledrop what theyre doing and notice the human stains that justarrived.

Bob and Curtis see everyone staring at them, but dont knowwhy. They walk up to Goldys old house past a burnt out wreckof a car on her driveway.

INT. GOLDYS MANSION - CONTINUOUS

Bob keys open the door and walks through into the foyer.

BOBHo.Ly.Crap, would you look at thisplace Curtis!

CURTISIm lookin. Im seein. Im stillnot believin.

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Bob walks back to the door, and starts to shut it. As soon ashe does LUCKY, A 50s balding, graying, grumpy, drunk pusheshimself inside.

LUCKYHey. Who the hell are you two

idiots. Get the hell out of Goldyshouse before I call the cops.

Bob and Curtis swivel around to see a belligerent Luckyholding himself up by the door handle, with a bottle of boozein the other hand.

BOBWho the hell are you?

LUCKYNo. Who the hell are you twoidiots?

BOBIm Bob Bobson, and this is Curtis.

Bob takes the bottle from Lucky forcefully and pulls a swig.

BOB (CONTD)Arent you people supposed to berich. This stuff isnt even good.Now take it and get the hell out ofmy house old man.

LUCKY

This isnt your house. ItsGoldys.

Bob takes the keys out of his pocket and dangles them in theair.

BOBUse to be. Now its mine. Bye.

Bob pushes Lucky out the door and locks it behind him.

CURTIS

Who the hell was that guy?BOB

I dont know man. Some pissed off,drunken, rich, ass goblin of somesort. I wonder if all these peopleare like him?

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Immediately there is a knock on it. Bob opens the door toreveal DEE. Dee is short and nerdy, a totally unassumingalien masquerading as a human.

DEEHey there. Im Dee. I see you met

Lucky.

Lucky is walking away from the house back to his.

BOBUh yeah. Hi. Im Bob. This isCurtis. So whats up with that guy?

DEEOh Lucky? Well, you know on a candyassembly line when every once in awhile an odd, half mixed, unbaked,worthless clump of crap makes it

through unchecked? Thats Lucky.

Everyone shares a laugh.

DEE (CONTD)Listen, I know you guys just gothere but I was hoping to get afavor from you.

BOBWhats that?

DEE

Well, I knew you Goldy really welland she had told me before shepassed that I could borrow her carthis weekend for a trip Im takingto Vegas.

BOBSorry bud. (Bob motions to theburnt wreck) I dont think thatcars going anywhere.

DEE

Yeah. I noticed, and thats why Ineed a favor. Goldy had another carthat she never used. She kept it inthe garage the entire time I knewher. And I was hoping you guyscould let me borrow that one.

Dee looks puppy dog-ishly at the guys, for their approval.Bob hems and haws briefly.

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BOBYeah okay.

Dee walks into the house leaving the door open behind him.

DEE

Awesome. I owe you guys.

Dee grabs the keys off of the keyrack hanging on the wall. Heopens the interior door to the garage and closes it behindhim. The car plows through the garage door, as Dee floors itinto the street and takes off.

CURTISSo youve got a car now...Kinda.

BOBThink hell come back?

CURTISEh.

Bob shrugs at the idea and closes the front door. Just as Bobcloses the door, it opens again. When it opens BIG LOU andtwo of his henchmen enter.

BOBWho the hell are you guys?

Big Lou smiles, but says nothing as he pushes inside.

BIG LOU

Im Big Lou. And these are the guysthat are gonna make sure you tellme the truth.

The henchmen brandish their guns. Bob and Curtis look to eachother, then back.

BIG LOU (CONTD)Good. Im glad you see it my way.Now. Who are you?

BOB

Im Bob Bobson, and this is Curtis.BIG LOU

Bob. Bob Bobson. Bob, you must knowGoldy then?

Bob looks to Curtis, then back.

BOBUh, yeah. Sorta.

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BIG LOUGood enough Bob. That means yousorta owe me the money that Goldyowed me. Actually not sorta, you doowe me.

CURTISBut we just got here.

BOBYeah. And I never really likedGoldy anyway. No one did.

CURTISYeah. She sucked. A lot.

BIG LOUOh yeah. Thats what I heard too.That she sucks...A lot.

Big Lou laughs. The henchmen share a fist bump.

BIG LOU (CONTD)But all jokes aside, Goldy stolefrom me. And now you owe what shestole.

BOBOh. Okay. So can we do like alayaway, or pay as you go type ofthing?

Big Lou laughs at Bob. The henchmen laugh too. Bob looks toCurtis who shrugs.

BOB (CONTD)So is that a yes then?

BIG LOUAh Bob. I like you. Youre acomplete idiot, and clearly a slob,but youre a good egg.

BOB

Uh, thanks Big Lou.BIG LOU

You still owe me...

Big Lou leans over to one of the henchmen, who whispers inhis ear.

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BIG LOU (CONTD)One million. And my car. By nextweek.

Bob and Curtis start laughing. Eventually they notice thatBig Lou and his henchmen are not.

BOBAre you serious?

BIG LOUVery.

CURTISWeve never even seen that muchmoney. How are we going to get amillion dollars by next week?

BIG LOU

Thats not my problem. Goldy stolea lot of money from me back in theday and youre gonna get it back.And you better hope she buried itin the backyard and didnt spend itall. Cuz, if she did, these guysare gonna do more than make sureyou tell the truth. You get me?

Bob just nods. Curtis is awestruck. Big Lou and his henchmenexit. As soon as they do Bob flies around the room in panictossing around all of Goldys old stuff. He settles on awaffle iron randomly piled on some junk in the corner.

BOBOoo. A waffle iron.

Bob opens the waffle iron and inside are two concert tickets.

BOB (CONTD)Ooo. And tickets to a concerttomorrow night. Curtis lets go tothis. And make some waffles.

Bob then continues to fly around the room in panic until

Curtis catches him.CURTIS

Bob, get a hold of yourself.

BOBWhat are we gonna do Curtis? Wecant make that kind of money in aweek.

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CURTISWell figure something out Bob.Everythings gonna be fine.

BOBEverything is not fine Curtis.

Everything is gonna get the truthknocked out of it really, reallyhard. Didnt you hear him?

Curtis nods to himself as he thinks.

CURTISYoure right. We need to find themoney.

BOBWere screwed.

ACT II

EXT. GOLDYS MANSION - NIGHT

Chips and Roscoe are squatting at the same hedges that theywere when Goldys car blew up. Big Lou and his henchmen exitand leave Goldys house after Bob closes the door.

ROSCOEDude I want the tickets back too.But we cant just break into

Goldys house. Shed kill us.

Chips just looks at Roscoe dumbfounded.

CHIPSDude? Shes dead. But youre right,we cant break in. The guys thatlive here now seem cool enough.Lets just ask em for the tickets.

Roscoe looks as though hes thinking it over.

ROSCOEDude. Thats genius.

Chips is smiling and is impressed with himself too.

CHIPSThanks. Sometimes they just pop inthere.

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INT. GOLDYS MANSION - CONTINUOUS

Curtis and Bob are standing by the door after Big Lou justleft. There is a knock at the door.

BOB

Seriously? What now?

Bob opens the door to reveal Chips and Roscoe.

CHIPSHey there. Sorry to bother you. ImChips. This is my friend Roscoe. Wewere wondering if you could maybehelp us out.

Bob turns to Curtis shaking his head.

BOB

We just moved in and this wholeneighborhood wants us to do stufffor them already. What is it withthis place?

CURTISI dont know man.

ROSCOEWe dont want you to do anything.

CHIPSYeah. We just want the concert

tickets that Goldy stole from us.

Bob turns to Curtis again with a hint of a smile.

BOBConcert tickets huh? And Goldystole em from you?

CHIPSYeah. She hated us.

ROSCOE

Well, we did flaming poo bag herdoorstep.

CHIPSYeah but she ran over myskateboard.

ROSCOEYeah but first you-

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CHIPS-anyway. Have you seen the ticketsby any chance?

Bob looks to Curtis again. Curtis cocks an eyebrow upwards ashe shakes his head.

BOBNo. Havent seen em. But werelooking for something here too, soIll tell you what. You help us,and well help you.

Chips and Roscoe turn to one another and shrug.

CHIPSOkay. I guess thats fair.

BOB

Good. Its settled then. Curtis,you want to bring em up to speed?

CURTISOkay boys. Heres how it is. Weregonna tear this place apart lookingfor a big suitcase, or a briefcase,or a duffle bag. I dont know Bob,what else do you think Goldy wouldkeep a million dollars in?

Chips and Roscoes mouths drop at the thought of a milliondollars somewhere in the house.

BOBMillion dollars? What are youtalking about Curtis?

CURTISOh, right. Yeah, just like I said,keep an eye out for...something.

Everyone starts opening cabinets, and drawers and lookingunder carpets and what-have-you. Chips opens a closet toreveal a shrine made to honor LUCKY, the neighborhood drunk.

CHIPSOh. My. God. Dude, Look at this.

Roscoe walks over to Chips and his face immediately contortswith confusion.

ROSCOEWhoa.

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Bob and Curtis notice that Chips and Roscoe are immobile.

BOBWhat the hell are you guys lookingat?

Chips and Roscoe dont even respond. Bob and Curtis walk overto see for themselves.

BOB (CONTD)What is it?

ROSCOEIt looks like your aunt had aserious crush on LUCKY.

CURTISHey Bob, its that drunken old manfrom earlier.

BOBWeird.

INT. LUCKYS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Lucky paces his living room as he finishes off a bottle ofliquor and throws it into the corner. He is distraught.

LUCKY(Howling)

Goldy. Why Goldy? Why?

Lucky falls to his knees and sinks into himself as he weeps.

INT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Everyone is still standing around looking at Roscoe as hedescribes Lucky.

ROSCOEHes a whack job.

CHIPSYeah dudes. Totally drunken insanelunatic. Kinda funny though.

CURTISBob! Maybe this Lucky guy has themoney. It certainly looks likeGoldy liked him enough.

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BOBI mean, I heard stories about howGoldy ran with a lot of dudes, butthis guy just looks...ugh.

Curtis grabs a bat standing near the key holder at the door.

CURTISLets go see if he has the money.

EXT. LUCKYS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Bob, Curtis, Chips and Roscoe are all at Luckys door. Curtistaps the bat on his palm repeatedly. Bob rings the doorbell.Lucky opens the door in a drunken stupor.

LUCKYWhat?

BOBHello Lucky?

LUCKYWhat do you want double wide?

CURTISHow do you know Goldy?

LUCKYWhats it to you gearhead?

CHIPSStop acting stupid Lucky.

LUCKYChips, shouldnt you and Rosoce beout experimenting with each otheror somthing?

ROSCOEShut up Lucky. That was one time.

BOB

Everybody shut up. Did you knowGoldy or not?

LUCKYOf course I did. You think a guylike me can live across the streetfrom a woman like Goldy and notknow her? Im a deadly handsomeman. And every guy knew Goldy.

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She buried more poles than aroadside lamp post crew.

CUT AWAY

EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

A maintenance crew places a lamp post pole into a hole in theground, then proceeds to ram it up and down in the hole.

CREW CHEIFOh yeah. Oh thats good. Mmmmmhmmmm. Oh you know you like thatdont you?

EXIT CUT AWAY


CURTISSo then wheres her money.

LUCKYWhat money?

ROSCOEThe million dollars Lucky. Man!

Luckys eyes go wide at hearing the amount.

LUCKYGoldy was a millionaire?

Bob is annoyed that everyone knows about the money now.

BOBYeah. Apparently. But we have noidea where it is.

Curtis slaps the bat down on his palm again.

CURTISAnd we were thinking maybe you hadit.

Lucky sees Curtis threatening pose.

LUCKYNo. No, I had no idea Goldy wasrich.

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LUCKY (CONT'D)

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If I did, I probably would havemarried her when she asked me to.

Lucky slaps his face with his hand.

LUCKY (CONTD)

Im such an idiot. Thats what shemeant when she said-

Lucky realizes that everyone is looking at him. He changeshis tone.

BOB-When she said what?

LUCKYUh nothing. Nevermind. I hope youguys find what youre looking for.

Lucky shuts the door.


Lucky peers through the peephole. From the other side Boblooks right back at him. Lucky ducks against the door.

BOBHey. I saw you.

Bob kicks the door.

BOB (CONTD)Wheres the money old man.

Bob kicks it again.


Bob kicks the door and pounds on it with his fist.

ROSCOEYeah kick it down. Or burn it. I

got matches.CHIPS

It wont do any good. Hes probablyalready passed out like a drunkenbarricade against it.

ROSCOEOooohhhh.

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LUCKY (CONT'D)

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Bob kicks the door again.

CURTISBob, come on. I dont want to getarrested our first day here.

BOBFine. Im watching you Lucky. Thisisnt over.

Bob walks away and everyone follows.


Lucky sits against the door. He looks to his side and grabsthe nearest bottle of booze and downs some.

LUCKY

Goldy had a million bucks! Nowwhere did she put it?

INT. VEGAS CASINO - NIGHT

Montage of Dee in snapshots: Dee opens the trunk to reveal asuitcase filled with money. Dees eyes are wide as he holdsup stacks of cash. Dee sits with huge piles of chips at thetables. Dee holds drinks in each hand. Dee with women hangingoff of each arm. Dee vomiting in an alley. Dee entering atime/space portal dirty. Dee exiting portal clean.

INT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - LATER

Bob bursts through the door. Curtis, Chips and Roscoe follow.

BOBThat Lucky guy knows more than hestelling us.

CURTISDefinitely.

CHIPSI dont know about that. The guy iskind of a drunken bafoon.

ROSCOETotal Baboon. Old drunk monkey.

Chips is staring at Roscoe shaking his head.

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BOBScrew it. Imma go bust his doordown and search the place.

Bob gets up and starts to charge out when Curtis stops him.

CURTISBob hold on. We gotta do thissmart. Lets just wait until Luckyleaves his place, and then wellbreak in.

BOBBut what if he doesnt have it.Someones gotta stay here and lookthrough all of Goldys old stuff.

CURTISThats true. For all we know she

could have buried it somewhere.

ROSCOEOr burned it.

Everyone shakes their head at Roscoe.

CHIPSWhy dont you guys check out Lucky,and we can search for it here whileyoure gone.

Roscoes face lights up.

ROSCOEOh.

Chips jabs him again. Bob looks to Curtis. Curtis shrugs.

BOBFine. You guys look for the moneyhere. Well be back soon.

Bob gets in really close to Chips and Roscoe.

BOB (CONTD)But if you guys try and screw usover, there will be hell to pay.

Bob and Curtis start off for Luckys place.

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Lucky has decked himself out in all black clothes and helooks like a drunken ninja. He tip toes out of his own frontdoor and outside.


Bob and Curtis are walking up the street when they see Luckydrunkenly stumble out of his place. They hide so he doesntsee them. Lucky comes right at them, but is too inebriated tonotice anything.

Bob and Curtis hide behind some trees in a nearby yard. Luckystumbles along and uses one of the trees to brace himself ashe unleashes a torrent of vomit unknowingly right next to Bobon the other side of the tree. Bob tries to contain himself.

LUCKYOh, thats much better. Goldy. Imcoming for ya baby.

Lucky ambles on. Bob and Curtis emerge after he passes andbreak for Luckys house. They get to his front door andreassemble.

BOBWhat a slob!

CURTISThat was the most vomit Ive ever

seen.

BOBI know. I think I saw a piece oflung in there too.

CURTISWhere was he going anyway?

BOBMaybe hes too drunk to rememberthat Goldy is dead?

Curtis squints.

CURTISI dont think he has the money. Ithink hes just as clueless as weare. And probably looking for ittoo.

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BOBYou think he went back to ourplace?

Curtis hems and haws.

CURTISMaybe.

(beat)

BOBWell, lets tear up his placefirst. You know, just to make sure.

Curtis shrugs.

CURTISOkay.

Bob bashes his shoulder into the side of Luckys door. Itdoesnt budge. He tries again and the frame starts todeteriorate.

CURTIS (CONTD)You know what?

Curtis leans in and turns the knob. The door opens right up.

CURTIS (CONTD)Ha. I knew it.

Bob and Curtis turn over Luckys house looking for the loot.


Chips and Roscoe are looking through drawers and cabinets inBob / Goldys house.

CHIPSDude. Where could she have putthose tickets?

ROSCOEYou mean the money?

CHIPSNo dude. The tickets. Remember. Wedont care about the money. Werehere for the tickets. Have you beeninhaling burnt plastic fumes again?You gotta stop doing that.

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ROSCOEOh right. The tickets. Maybe shehid them upstairs in her Luckyzone?

CHIPS

Lucky zone? Just when I think youcant get any more ass brained, youfart out these gem ideas. Lets go.

Chips and Roscoe fly up the stairs and into the Lucky worshipchamber that was Goldys bedroom closet. They start to upturnher drawers and in doing so Chips finds a DVD labeled - ForBob.

CHIPS (CONTD)Okay, I know were really lookingfor the concert tickets, but thismight be a clue to finding the

money that Bob and Curtis arelooking for. And if it is, then wecan find the money first and justbuy new tickets.

Roscoe looks paralyzed with confusion.

ROSCOEI trust you.

CHIPSGood thinking. We need a DVDplayer.

ROSCOEHow does she have a DVD, but not aDVD player?

CHIPSThat is a really good question. Andsomething tells me we will neverknow. Whatever, lets go back to myhouse and use that one.

EXT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUSChips and Roscoe are leaving Bobs house. They open the doorto reveal Lucky asleep, and leaning against it as a bracewhile standing.

Opening the door inwards forces Lucky to fall on his face.Somehow this doesnt wake him up, so Chips and Roscoe leavehim half inside, and half outside the house passed out cold.

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CHIPSWow.

ROSCOEJust let me light his shoelaces onfire. Ill put it out. Eventually.

CHIPSNo. Lets go.

Chips and Roscoe leave Lucky and start to go down thesidewalk again when they see Bob and Curtis coming at them.

CHIPS (CONTD)Oh crap. Go. This way.

Chips pushes Roscoe to the side and they head away from Boband Curtis towards someones house. Chips is looking towardsBob and Curtis and waiting for them to pass.

Roscoes attention is diverted to the people in the housethat they are hiding near. Sexy time noises come from thehouse and Roscoe peers through the window.

A SHRIEK is heard from inside the house and Roscoes eyes gowide with fear.

ROSCOEWe gotta go.

Roscoe starts to fidget and dance uncontrollably.Simultaneously Bob and Curtis come around the bend, and

CRYSTAL (late 20s) a sexy young blonde, and her partner DAVE(30s) a Metro-sexual wannabe thug come out of the house.Dave is raging and headed right towards Chips and Roscoe.

DAVEWho do you think you are you littlepervert?

Chips and Roscoe run towards Bob and Curtis as soon as theyarrive around the corner. Dave chases after until heencounters the girth of Bob and the bad-ass biker look ofCurtis.

CURTISIs there a problem here?

DAVEYeah there is. Those two littlesneaky freakys were watching me andmy woman.

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CRYSTALIm not your woman. We were justhaving fun.

Bob leans in and shakes Crystals hand.

BOBHi. Im Bob. Just moved in down thestreet.

CRYSTALHi.

DAVESeriously?

Crystal is indifferent and sneers at him.

ROSCOE

Im really sorry. I didnt mean toscare you.

CHIPSYeah, that was a crazy scream. Ourbad.

CRYSTALOh that wasnt me. I dont care ifpeople watch.

Bobs eyes go wide hearing this.

CHIPSSo if it wasnt you screaming likea little girl then who was it?

Crystal smiles and looks to Dave. Everyone turns to Dave.Dave rolls his eyes. Everyone starts laughing at him.

DAVESeriously? Wow. You know what?Fine. Im outta here.

BOB

Oh, how cute. He cries like alittle girl too?

Everyone laughs at Dave again. Bob starts to make fakesobbing noises as Dave gets mad and huffs off into his carand peels out.

CURTISWhat a tool.

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BOBSeriously. What did you see in thatguy?

Crystal shrugs indifferently.

CRYSTALAn easy target?

Everyone laughs. Bob turns to Chips and Roscoe.

BOBWhat are you guys doing out hereanyway? I thought you were going tosearch the house?

ROSCOEYeah, but we found this DVD, and-

Chips jabs at Roscoe, but its too late.

BOBWhat DVD?

CURTISYeah, what are you two hiding?

Chips actually does have his hand behind his back. He bringsit around to reveal the DVD.

BOBWhats this?

CHIPSWe dont know. We were trying tofind a DVD player to find outwhats on it. It has your name onit, so you know...

Bob squints and then grabs at the DVD.

BOBWell I dont have a DVD player. Doyou Curtis?

CURTISSeriously? Why would I just have aDVD player? No. No I dont.

CRYSTALI do.

Everyone turns to Crystal.

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BOBOh. Well can we use it?

CRYSTALYeah. What else am I gonna do withmy night now?

Bob puts on the suave.

BOBUh, I could think of a couple ofthings.

CRYSTALSorry man. Fat, dirty, ugly, baldguys arent my type.

Bob and everyone else are silent.

CRYSTAL (CONTD)So you want to watch this or what?

Bob slumps a bit, but everyone follows Crystal inside.

INT. CRYSTALS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Crystals place looks as if an interior designer turneddominatrix and then into a crazed video gamer. There arewhips and chains, game consoles and stations everywhere.

BOB

Nice place you got here Crystal.

CRYSTALThanks. I like to play.

Bob bites his lip.

BOBYeah. Me too.

Everyone pushes into the living room to a gigantic gamingstation with a huge projection screen on the far wall.

Crystal puts in the DVD and plops down on the couch.Bob tries to sit next to her. She shuffles over to create abarrier between them. Everyone else finds a place to sit andsettles down to watch the DVD. It starts to play. Goldy backsaway from a video camera and sits down on a chair.

GOLDYBob. Im your mother. There I saidit. I never wanted you.

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I never wanted any children andthats why I gave you up and left.I dont really know exactly whoyour father is. It could be...well,a number of dudes. But it doesntmatter. Youve got Bobson blood in

you. Youre cursed down to yourDNA. Im sorry about that, I reallyam. Anyhow, Im telling you allthis because I might not be aroundmuch longer. A long while back Iran with a wild crowd. Oh who am Ikidding, I still do. Its theBobson in me. Anyway, I took fromsomeone serious back in the day andnow he wants it back. And well, Imjust not gonna do it. I stole itfair and square. Its mine as nearas I can tell and if I dont make

it, it should be yours. So, I stolea million dollars and bought thishouse here. Then I stashed the restin the back of the car I stole itall from which should be sitting inthe garage right now. Take it andget outta here. Do something withyourself and break the Bobsoncurse. Or dont. Whatever.Uh...yeah thats it. Peace.

Goldy gives Bob a peace sign and then gets up and shuts downthe camera. She struggles to shut it off.

GOLDY (CONTD)Stupid piece of rat s##t. Just turnoff you son of a b###h.

The camera finally shuts down and Bob is left awestruck.

BOBDid my mom just give me the peacesign?

Curtis is agape too.

CURTISYeah buddy. I think she did.

BOBSo, we owe the mob a milliondollars that Goldy, whosapparently my mom stole, whichisnt a million dollars anymoreinside a car that we dont have;

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which is in Vegas right now takenby someone we dont know and mightnever see again.

CURTISUh, yyyyyep.

Bob takes a deep breath and gets up and walks out of thehouse. Everyone looks at each other. Curtis gets up andfollows Bob. Chips and Roscoe follow Curtis. Crystal is leftsitting in the room alone.

CRYSTALYoure welcome. Morons.

She grabs a game controller and starts to play.

ACT III

EXT. OUTSIDE - SIDEWALK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Bob is fast walking back to the house, clearly upset. Curtisruns after him and catches up to him just as Bob gets to thefront door of his place.

CURTISBob. You okay?

BOBNo Curtis. Im not. And why thehell is the front door open?

Bob walks in.


Bob starts to grab random items of interst and throw theminto the center of the room.

CURTISBob what the hell are you doingman?

BOBIm taking everything worth a dimeout of this place and getting outof town man. Im the only onethats on the hook here.

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You can always go back to thetrailer park. Im alone man.

Curtis eyes go wide and he steps closer to Bob and puts ahand on his shoulder.

CURTISBob. Were like brothers. You knowIm in this with you.

BOBThanks Curtis. Youre awesome man.

CURTISYou too buddy.

BOBNow you get the stuff in here, Imgonna go upstairs and get

everything there and then we cango.

Bob takes a deep breath.

BOB (CONTD)Im gonna miss it.

CURTISWeve only been here for a daythough Bob.

BOB

I know, but I liked it here. I feltlike we could really do some damageto this town. Oh well.

Bob heads upstairs. Curtis starts grabbing random stuff andthrowing it into the pile. Chips and Roscoe show up.

CHIPSUh. Hey man. What are you guysdoing?

INT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUSBob is about to open the bedroom door when he encountersLucky naked on the bed. Bobs head covers us from thegruesome sight of a naked Lucky pleasuring himself.

BOBUh. Gross. What the hell are youdoing here? Put some clothes on oldman.

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Lucky is shocked to see Bob and pulls the bedsheet overhimself and gets up.

LUCKYEh, Ive been here before. I belongmore than you do.

BOBThats so gross I cant even thinkof a way to insult you. Butseriously get outta here.

Bob grabs Lucky and pushes him out into the hallway.

BOB (CONTD)Ugh. I cant even believe Imtouching you. I feel like Imgetting drunk from your sweat.

Lucky stumbles down the hallway and then down the stairs withBob corralling him the whole way.

LUCKYYoure tiny brain wouldnt know thedifference between being drunk andconstantly stupid anyway Bob.

BOBWatch it old man. I dont want youto trip down these stairs.

INT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Bob prods Lucky past Curtis, Chips and Roscoe.

CURTISWhat the hell is he doing here?

BOBThats a good question. Boys, doyou know how Lucky got in my house?

LUCKY

Pfftt. Youre house....ha. Thesetwo idiots let me in. Or they leftthe door open. I dont actuallyremember.

Bob jostles Lucky a bit.

ROSCOEYeah. He was passed out in themiddle of the doorway. Wizzz-asted.

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Chips is just starring at Roscoe. Roscoe notices. Chipsshakes his head.

BOBSo you two let Lucky just dowhatever?

Chips and Roscoe look at each other. Neither answers.

BOB (CONTD)Wow. You guys suck. Time to go. Allof you.

Bob starts to push Lucky out the door and points to Chips andRoscoe to leave too.

CHIPSWait. What about our tickets?

Bob stops in his tracks. Curtis notices Bobs gears justslipped, and tries to step in.

CURTISYou guys should just go. Like rightnow.

CHIPSBut we need to find our ticketsman.

ROSCOEYeah. Theyre gonna have fire

cannnons there. Its gonna beawesome.

Bob starts to breath really heavily.

CURTISAh, I tried.

BOBYou want your tickets. Here areyour tickets, you little weasels.

Bob pulls the tickets out of his pocket and rips them up anddrops the pieces in front of Chips and Roscoe.

BOB (CONTD)Here.

LUCKYOh wow. You boys gonna take that?

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Chips and Roscoe look at each other and then charge Bob. Bobholds them both off for a second before they all startgrappling on the ground.

Curtis tries to help pull them off and gets wrenched into themix. Lucky looks around and finds a bottle of hooch and

starts to drink while he watches the chaos.

CHIPSYoure stupid. And your mom was askank.

ROSCOEIm gonna burn your house down.

BOBWatch out Curtis. Im gonna piledrive these two twiggy little asshats.

Bob drops down and crunches everyone. Everyone howls andstops fighting. Lucky takes a swig.

LUCKYYou dumb asses done yet?

BOBShut up Lucky. What the hell areyou doing here anyway?

LUCKYLooking for Goldys loot. What

else?

BOBYou know I owe that to the mob andtheyre gonna kill me if they dontget it back right? What are yougonna do with it? Buy more booze?

Lucky looks around and rolls his eyes then shakes his head.

LUCKYYep. More booooooze. Ha.

Bob gets up from the floor. Curtis follows. Chips and Roscoestay there and recuperate.

BOBNo seriously Lucky? Youre alreadyrich. What do you need it for?

Lucky stumbles a bit and tries to focus.

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LUCKYNeed what for?

Bob shakes his head.

BOB

Youre an idiot Lucky. Imsurrounded by idiots. Even Im anidiot. And apparently cursed too.Screw this place. Im out.

LUCKYWait. Wait. I thought we werefriends though.

BOBAre you kidding me? Youre thebiggest drunk Ive ever seen. AndIm Bob Bobson. Youve treated me

and Curtis like crap since we gothere. And you were gonna take themoney and get me killed. So no. NoLucky. Were not friends. Yourenothing to me Lucky. Nothing.

Bob rips the bedsheet off of Lucky leaving him naked.Everyone gasps. Bob starts to pool up the junk in the centerof the room into the bedsheet.

CURTISUh, thats gross Bob. Give him backthe bedsheet at least. Theres some

luggage over there we can use.

BOBWhatever.

Bob hoists the sack onto his back and starts to walk out.Curtis shakes his head and follows.

CHIPSWait. Where are you guys going?

CURTIS

What do you care?Bob and Curtis walk out the door. Chips looks to Roscoe whoshrugs.

CHIPSI dont know. I had fun today.

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ROSCOEI wish we could have burnedsomething. But yeah. Me too.

Lucky vomits onto a chair next to him.

LUCKYMe too. We gotta help those guys.

Chips and Roscoe nod in agreement.

CHIPSYeah but what are we gonna do?

ROSCOEWe could burn the house down.

CHIPSDude thats not the answer for

everything.

ROSCOEBut they could claim the insuranceor something.

Chips and Lucky look a little surprised.

CHIPSActually thats not a bad idea.

LUCKYYoure like a broken jack-in-the-

box Roscoe. Most of the time youretotally worthless, but every oncein a while you pop up with asurprise.

Roscoe looks confused.

ROSCOEWhat do you mean?

LUCKYNevermind. Come on lets go.

Lucky stumbles after Bob and Curtis. Chips and Roscoe follow.

EXT. BOB BOBSONS HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - CONTINUOUS

Lucky falls over the threshold of the door exiting, but getsup quickly.

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LUCKYBob. Curtis. Hold up a minutethere.

CURTISWhat for Lucky?

LUCKYI dont know actually Im prettywasted.

Chips shakes his head.

CHIPSBob listen. Were sorry. We were init for ourselves, but thatsbecause we didnt know you guys. Itturns out youre pretty cool. Andwere sorry.

ROSCOEYeah. I left you an upper-decker inthe toilet that Im sorry abouttoo.

Bob looks confused.

ROSCOE (CONTD)Its where you take off the toiletlid and drop one in the tank.

Bob and Curtis cringe.

BOBYou guys are disgusting. But itscool. I forgive you. Im sorry Iripped up your tickets.

CHIPSYeah. Its okay. Well figuresomething out.

Just as Chips finishes saying this, a VROOM is heard down thestreet. The engine screams closer and eventually Goldys old

car is revealed with Dee driving and barreling towards them.BOB

Ho.Ly.Crap.

Dee screeches into a hockey stop turn right in front of Boband Curtis. He gets out like it was no big deal.

DEEHey guys. Hows it going?

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BOBWell that depends. Did you find amillion dollars in the backseat?

DEEUh yeah. I did. Was that yours?

Bobs gets red with irritation.

BOBWhat do you mean, was it mine?

DEEOh, nothing. Ive got it right herein the back seat. Actually Ive gota lot more than that. It turns outIm pretty good at gambling. I meanI can see the future on this planetso its no big deal really. I just

like to play the games.

Dee opens the backseat to reveal it stuffed to the windowswith cash.

BOBOkay. Mob problem solved. Lookslike we might be sticking aroundhere for a while after all Curtis.And I think we might even haveenough left over to buy someconcert tickets. What do you say?

CURTISYeah. Lets do it. Dee you in?

DEEOh yeah. I havent slept since Ilast saw you guys. If I stoppartying now my brain will shutdown and Ill be out of commissionfor two weeks easy.

BOBWow. What did you do in Vegas man?

DEEYou dont want to know.

Lucky makes a throat clearning noise.

BOBWhat?

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LUCKYUh. Im sorry about trying to stealyour money. I would have given itback. I think. I just miss Goldy, Iguess. You guys are alright. Imsorry. Ill see you guys later.

Maybe we can grab a few drinkstogether sometime?

No one responds to Lucky and he starts to walk away. Bobshakes his head.

BOBUgh. Lucky hold up. Im sorry too.We all are. Well maybe not Roscoe,but you get the idea. I didnt meanwhat I said earlier. Why dont youcome inside and have a drink now.

LUCKYAlright. Alright. Im in. Im in.In. Innnnninininin in. Part of theteam. Yeah. Innnn in in in.

Spontaneously Lucky vomits on the sidewalk. Everyone shakestheir heads as they start to walk to the house.

BOBWow.

CURTISSeriously.

Bob and Curtis hang back. While everyone goes inside.

BOBCurtis hold up a sec. So if Goldysmy mom, and she banged Lucky backin the day....You dont think...

CURTISThink what Bob?

BOB

Is Lucky my dad?

THE END

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