BullyingWhat it is and what you can do to help prevent it!

Dr. David Losey, Ed.D., LMHCSilver Creek Counseling

Consequences of Bullying• Victim does not learn to his/her potential.• Victim

– Depressed, Lonely, Anxious– Low Self-Esteem, Fell Unwell,– Think About Suicide

• Bully– Sign of other serious anti-social behavior– Drink, Smoke, Truant, Drop Out, Weapons– Lack of Empathy, Have Friends, Self-Esteem

DefinitionA. Indiana Code 20-33-8-0.2 defines bullying as:

1. Overt – repeated acts or gestures, including:

» Verbal or written communications transmitted;

» Physical acts committed; or» Any other behaviors committed by a

student or group of students against another student with the intent to harass, ridicule, humiliate, intimidate or harm the other student.

B.Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional and involves an imbalance of power or strength. Typically it is repeated over time. It may take many forms, such as hitting or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name calling (verbal bullying); intimidation using gestures or social exclusion (non-verbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by email or other electronic means (cyber bullying).

It is abuse – not conflict.

• Behavior is our best attempt, at the time, to satisfy one or more of the six

basic human needs.– We are always motivated to behave in a need

fulfilling manner.• Behavior is learned as we

attempt to fulfill our needs.• Behavior is a choice.

Basic Human Needs• Survival: physical, food, water, shelter

• Belonging: love, trust, acceptance, share

• Power: achievement, competence, attention

• Freedom: choices, independence, decisions

• Fun: enjoyment, laughing, good times

• Faith: belief is a higher power, God, spiritual

When we are able to satisfy one of these needs, it feels very good.

Motivation is . . .

Motivation is the internal, genetic desire to satisfy one or more of the six basic human needs in a

quality manner.

External Control PsychologyAlways Fails!

• I can make you do what I want you to do.• I will punish you when you are wrong

– When you don’t do what I want you to do• I will reward you when you are right

– When you do what I want you to do• Behavior control is seen as outside

Stimulus-Response Theory Is Wrong• The whole thrust of

SR theory is that we do not control our own behavior.

• SR theory contends that our behavior is a response to a stimulus from outside ourselves.

What We Teach Children:To Be Proactive

• Between stimulus and response…

Human beingshave the freedom

to choose.• Proactivity is taking

the responsibility to choose.

Children who bully . . .

• Are more likely to live in homes where there is:– A lack of warmth– A lack of parental involvement– A lack of supervision by parents– Harsh physical discipline, which becomes a

model for bullying behavior• Believe the victim deserves “what they got”

Behavior ImprovementWhat Can Parents Do?

SEVEN Powerful Actions

1. Model appropriate behavior2. Teach better behaviors3. Influence behavior choices4. Encourage appropriate behavior5. Celebrate appropriate behavior

NUMBER SIXSet clear limits for behavior

• What do to when you see bullying behavior– Be the Adult: INTERVENE

• Close, eye contact, touch, “Stop, right now!”– Stop the behavior; state, “you were …

(describe the behavior). This not an acceptable choice.”

– Set a logical consequence (loss of fun or priviliges)

NUMBER SEVENYou Can “Be Fair” and Teach

What Fair Means• Fair is NOT treating everyone the same.• Fair is providing each person what

he or she needs in order to have the opportunity to succeed.

Quality World• This small, very

specific, personal world is the core of our lives because in it are the pictures of the people, things, activities, places, and beliefs that we have discovered are most satisfying to our needs.

Quality World Picture Album

Parents, keep yourselfin your child’s QualityWorld!

Conclusion• Bullying is behavior.• Behavior is learned.• Behavior is a choice.• Parents: 7 Powerful Actions

– Model, Teach, Influence, Encourage– Celebrate, Limit, Be Fair

• Love your child enough to be in charge

Silver Creek Counseling

Dr. David Losey, LMHC, NCC502 299-9513

http://www.silvercreekcounseling.com