Building Bridges of Building Bridges of UnderstandingUnderstanding

ThroughThrough

Constructive CommunicationConstructive CommunicationByBy

Helma Rosenthal & Lynda Strohl Helma Rosenthal & Lynda Strohl

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

““The strong man is the man who The strong man is the man who can stand up for his rights and not can stand up for his rights and not

hit back.” hit back.” Dr. Martin Luther KingDr. Martin Luther King

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

Why Conflict Resolution?Why Conflict Resolution?

No Child Left Behind

Creating a Safe School Climate

Conflict happens everywhere, in all settings

Interesting Stats…Interesting Stats…

According to Robert Bolton, author of According to Robert Bolton, author of People SkillsPeople Skills, “Eighty percent of the , “Eighty percent of the people who fail at work do so for one reason: they do not relate well to other people who fail at work do so for one reason: they do not relate well to other people.people.

65% of voluntary terminations are the result of unresolved workplace conflict65% of voluntary terminations are the result of unresolved workplace conflict

42% of a manager’s time is spent addressing conflict in the workplace. 42% of a manager’s time is spent addressing conflict in the workplace. (Watson, C. & Hoffman, R., Managers as Negotiators, Leadership Quarterly, (Watson, C. & Hoffman, R., Managers as Negotiators, Leadership Quarterly, 3/17/96.)3/17/96.)

Job stress is a key driver of health care costs. According to the Journal of Job stress is a key driver of health care costs. According to the Journal of Occupational Environmental Medicine, health care expenditures are nearly 50% Occupational Environmental Medicine, health care expenditures are nearly 50% greater for workers reporting high levels of stress. (Corbitt Clark, Mary, [online], greater for workers reporting high levels of stress. (Corbitt Clark, Mary, [online], The Cost of Job Stress.The Cost of Job Stress.

Chronic unresolved conflict acts as a decisive factor in at least 50% of Chronic unresolved conflict acts as a decisive factor in at least 50% of departures. Conflict account for up to 90% of involuntary departures, with the departures. Conflict account for up to 90% of involuntary departures, with the possible exception o f staff reductions due to downsizing and restructuring. possible exception o f staff reductions due to downsizing and restructuring. (Dana, David, [online], The Dana Measure of Financial Cost of Organizational (Dana, David, [online], The Dana Measure of Financial Cost of Organizational Conflict, 2001.)Conflict, 2001.)

ConflictConflict Universal experienceUniversal experience Natural and NormalNatural and Normal Differing Points of ViewDiffering Points of View Destructive or ConstructiveDestructive or Constructive

Sources of ConflictSources of Conflict

ResourcesResources Goals/objectivesGoals/objectives MiscommunicationMiscommunication Attitudes/valuesAttitudes/values PersonalityPersonality

Conflict OutcomesConflict Outcomes

PositivePositive InvolvementInvolvement CohesionCohesion CreativityCreativity GrowthGrowth Clarification of Clarification of

issuesissues Clarification of Clarification of

valuesvalues

NegativeNegative Unresolved Unresolved

anger/concernsanger/concerns Reduced moraleReduced morale Personality clashesPersonality clashes Low self-esteemLow self-esteem Unfinished Unfinished

businessbusiness

Win-WinWin-Win Lose-LoseLose-Lose Win-LoseWin-Lose Lose-WinLose-Win WinWin No DealNo Deal

Stephen Covey Habit 4: Think Win-Win

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict Management Styles Conflict Management Styles SurveySurvey

How do you respond to conflict?How do you respond to conflict?

What’s your conflict style?What’s your conflict style?

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

AvoidingAvoiding

CompetingCompeting

AccommodatingAccommodating

CompromisingCompromising

CollaboratingCollaborating

Conflict Resolution Styles

AvoidingAvoiding

ProsPros

Petty or unimportantPetty or unimportant

Cool downCool down

Little leverageLittle leverage

Disruption > issueDisruption > issue

Gather infoGather info

Wrong personWrong person

Stay behind the scenesStay behind the scenes

ConsCons

Problem remainsProblem remains

Lose respect Lose respect

Unaware of problems and Unaware of problems and perceptionsperceptions

Anxiety = ineffectiveAnxiety = ineffective

Own needs not metOwn needs not met

CompetingCompetingProsPros

Important and rightImportant and right

Good naturedGood natured

Cut tiesCut ties

Dealing with competitive Dealing with competitive peoplepeople

Audience perceptionAudience perception

Love competitionLove competition

ConsCons

UnyieldingUnyielding

Ignore othersIgnore others

Alienate othersAlienate others

Blinders onBlinders on

OverconfidentOverconfident

Pressure!Pressure!

AccommodatingAccommodatingProsPros

Good will > IssuesGood will > Issues

Concern for othersConcern for others

Back pocketBack pocket

Less leverageLess leverage

Not your responsibilityNot your responsibility

Happy co-workersHappy co-workers

Volatile partiesVolatile parties

ConsCons

Taken advantage ofTaken advantage of

Own needs not metOwn needs not met

Happy but not productive Happy but not productive enough enough

Decide too soonDecide too soon

CompromisingCompromising

ProsPros

Last optionLast option

Outcome most importantOutcome most important

Small stepsSmall steps

Time is of the essenceTime is of the essence

Shared ideasShared ideas

ConsCons

Lose sight of big pictureLose sight of big picture

PrecedentsPrecedents

Misses the pointMisses the point

CollaboratingCollaborating

ProsPros Long term cooperationLong term cooperation

Strong emotionStrong emotion

OptionsOptions

Interpersonal relationshipsInterpersonal relationships

High impactHigh impact

Time and attentionTime and attention

No easy answersNo easy answers

ConsCons

ResourcesResources

Lengthy processLengthy process

““How” rather than “what”How” rather than “what”

Agreement is hardAgreement is hard

Conflict is normal! Conflict Conflict is normal! Conflict should be an expected part should be an expected part

of the work culture!of the work culture!Consider your own work environment and ask Consider your own work environment and ask

yourself the following questions!yourself the following questions! 1) What causes the conflicts?1) What causes the conflicts? 2) When do the conflicts occur? Are there 2) When do the conflicts occur? Are there

any patterns?any patterns? 3) How do all respond when conflict occurs?3) How do all respond when conflict occurs? 4) Are solutions long term or quick fixes?4) Are solutions long term or quick fixes? 5) Are procedures in place for addressing 5) Are procedures in place for addressing

day-to-day issues?day-to-day issues?

WHY WE AVOID WHY WE AVOID CONFLICTCONFLICT ?! ?!

Fear of others’ reactionsFear of others’ reactions Maybe it will go away on its own?Maybe it will go away on its own? Why should I make the first move?Why should I make the first move? Don’t want to be seen as a problemDon’t want to be seen as a problem Societal norms and expectationsSocietal norms and expectations FEAR OF THE PROCESS and FEAR OF THE PROCESS and

OUTCOMESOUTCOMES

What not to do…What not to do…

) Do not avoid the conflict, ) Do not avoid the conflict, hoping it will go away.hoping it will go away.

2) Do not meet separately with 2) Do not meet separately with people in conflict.people in conflict.

3) Do not believe the only 3) Do not believe the only people who are affected are the people who are affected are the participants.participants.

Cross-Culture ConflictCross-Culture Conflict

You may notice:You may notice: Denial or Denial or

downplaying downplaying InactionInaction Misdirection of blameMisdirection of blame Face-saving tacticsFace-saving tactics Long resolution time Long resolution time Sensitivity to Sensitivity to

feedback feedback

CommunicationCommunication

VerbalVerbal WordsWords

NonverbalNonverbal Wordless MessagesWordless Messages

HapticHaptic Body LanguageBody Language PosturePosture Facial ExpressionFacial Expression Eye contactEye contact ParalanguageParalanguage

ListeningListening

CommunicationCommunication

Good Communicators send non-Good Communicators send non-verbal and verbal messages that verbal and verbal messages that exactlyexactly match their thoughts and match their thoughts and feelingsfeelings

I

lovelove you!

I

lovelove you!

Communication Skills Communication Skills and Techniquesand Techniques

Perspective Taking Active ListeningI Messages

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

PERSPECTIVE TAKINGPERSPECTIVE TAKING

Is the ability to understand how a Is the ability to understand how a situation appears to another person situation appears to another person

and how that person is reacting and how that person is reacting cognitively and emotionally to the cognitively and emotionally to the

situation.situation.

Shift your point of viewShift your point of view

EmotionsEmotions

AngerAnger Frustration Frustration DisappointmentDisappointment Fear Fear AnxietyAnxietyStressStress*Recognition*Recognition*Management*Management

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

ACTIVE LISTENINGACTIVE LISTENINGIs a way of responding to the speaker Is a way of responding to the speaker

which implies that the listener is which implies that the listener is trying to understand what the trying to understand what the

speaker is saying, feeling, and doing.speaker is saying, feeling, and doing.

Active ListeningActive Listening

Eye contactEye contact Pay attentionPay attention NodNod Facial Facial

expressionsexpressions

Ask questionsAsk questions Encourage the Encourage the

other person to other person to tell moretell more

PARAPHRASEPARAPHRASE Make commentMake comment

Listening with EmpathyListening with Empathy

What to DoWhat to Do

EncourageEncourage

ClarifyClarify

RestateRestate

Reflect FeelingsReflect Feelings

ValidateValidate

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

Roadblocks to CommunicationRoadblocks to CommunicationOrdering, Directing, CommandingOrdering, Directing, Commanding

Warning, Threatening, Preaching, MoralizingWarning, Threatening, Preaching, Moralizing

AdvisingAdvising

Judging, Criticizing, Blaming, Name Calling,Judging, Criticizing, Blaming, Name Calling,

Ridiculing, Shaming, Interpreting, PsychoanalyzingRidiculing, Shaming, Interpreting, Psychoanalyzing

Teaching, InstructingTeaching, Instructing

Final thoughts and overviewFinal thoughts and overview Resolve the conflictResolve the conflict Be clear about the causesBe clear about the causes Validate differences in perception and Validate differences in perception and

point of viewpoint of view Decide on a process and get Decide on a process and get

agreementagreement Listen activelyListen actively Document! Document! Document!Document! Document! Document!