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BOB'S BURGERS "Super Natural " written by Valerie Bryant FIRST DRAFT [email protected] 03 31, 2014

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Linda goes to a holistic healing convention with her sister, Bob meets an annoying stranger, and the kids get their book club orders.

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Bob's Burgers Spec

BOB'S BURGERS

"Super Natural"

written by

Valerie Bryant

FIRST DRAFT

[email protected] 03 31, 2014

Page 2: Bob's Burgers Spec

INT. BOB’S BURGERS - DAY

TEDDY IS SITTING AT THE COUNTER, TALKING BOB’S EAR OFF.

TEDDY

... and if there aren’t any

directions, I can’t put the thing

together.

BOB IS BORED, BARELY LISTENING, AND BUSY FILLING UP KETCHUP BOTTLES FOR THE TABLES.

BOB

Uh-huh.

TEDDY

I should’ve known the deal was too

good to be true. You can’t trust

thrift stores, Bob.

LINDA WALKS IN, CHIPPER. SHE’S WEARING A LONG, FLOWING SKIRT AND MULTIPLE BRACELETS.

LINDA

Bobby, is Gayle here yet?

BOB

Do you think I’m hiding her?

LINDA

I never know with you, you sneaky son

of a gun.

BOB

Well, I’m not.

TEDDY

He’s telling the truth, Linda. I’ve

been here with him this whole time.

Page 3: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA

Thank-you for your honesty, Teddy.

BOB

I was honest, Lin. She’s late. She’s

always late. She’s always..

BOB’S GETTING FRUSTRATED.

BOB (CONT’D)(annoyed)

Your sister is--

TEDDY

Linda, you look nice today. Where you

off to?

LINDA

Yes, I do look nice today. How sweet

of you to notice. I’m going to a

holistic healing convention with my

sister.

BOB

Why does she need you there for this?

All that holistic crap is bs anyway.

LINDA

It’s not bs, Bob. It’s natural.

BOB

It’s all a scam. They just want you

to spend money on their junk that they

can’t prove works and you can’t prove

doesn’t work.

"Epidode Title" 2.

Page 4: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA

You’re so negative.

BOB

I’m not negative, holistic medicine

just sucks.

TEDDY

I can’t be here for this. My parents

fought like this all through my

childhood.

TEDDY TAKES OFF TOWARD THE BATHROOM.

TEDDY (CONT’D)(turning his head back)

Don’t take my fries, Bob. I’m still

working on those.

LINDA AND BOB CONTINUE THEIR CONVERSATION.

LINDA

You need to get rid of this

negativity. Your chakras are all out

of whack, I bet.

BOB

More of this healing mumbo jumbo?

Linda, I can’t take this. Your

sister’s rubbing off on you.

LINDA

I’d rather she rubbed off on me than

you.

LINDA REALIZES WHAT SHE’S SAID AND GIGGLES, THEN GIGGLES HARDER.

"Epidode Title" 3.

Page 5: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA (CONT’D)

No, giggles, no. I’m mad at you and I

want you to work on your negativity,

because I don’t want our kids to be

raised by a curmudgeonly widower.

BOB

What are you talking about?

LINDA

If I die, you’ll have to raise those

kids alone and I want you to be a

positive role model for them while

they’re dealing with the untimely

death of their mother. Ooh! There’s

Gayle!

GAYLE’S OUTSIDE OF THE WINDOW, PICKING A WEDGIE AS SHE WALKS UP.

LINDA (CONT’D)

Aww, look at my gorgeous sister.

BOB

Uh, yeah. I see her.

TEDDY COMES OUT FROM THE BATHROOM AND WIPES HIS WET HANDS ON HIS SHIRT WHILE LOOKING AT GAYLE PICK HER WEDGIE.

TEDDY

She is a vision of loveliness.

LINDA(reacting to Teddy)

Aww.

GAYLE WALKS IN.

"Epidode Title" 4.

Page 6: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA (CONT’D)(giddily, to Gayle)

I’m so excited to spend the day with

you!

GAYLE(annoyed)

Linda, please, let’s keep the small

talk to a minimum. We’re running late

as it is.

LINDA

I’m sorry, I’m just so freakin’

excited.

BOB

Why are you sorry? She’s the one

who’s late.

LINDA(with a tone)

Bobby...

GAYLE

Let’s go, Linda. I don’t need this

hostility. Besides I’m doubled-parked

in a red zone and that ambulance

driver looked like he might’ve been in

a hurry.

GAYLE RUSHES OUT THE DOOR, PULLING LINDA ALONG WITH HER WHILE LINDA BLOWS KISSES TO BOB.

LINDA(shouting)

Be a nice boy while I’m gone!

THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THEM.

"Epidode Title" 5.

Page 7: Bob's Burgers Spec

BOB GOES BACK TO WORK AND IS NOW FILLING UP THE MUSTARD BOTTLES.

TEDDY

Do you think one of those kisses was

for me? It’d sure mean a lot if it

was.

ANOTHER CUSTOMER (DANA, MALE, 50, OVERWEIGHT, POLO SHIRT) SITS DOWN NEXT TO TEDDY.

THE SIGN POSTED FOR THE BURGER OF THE DAY SAYS “PESTO CHANGE-O”.

DANA

Pesto change-o, huh?

BOB

Excuse me?

BOB TURNS AROUND.

BOB (CONT’D)

I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t see you

there. Do you need a menu?

DANA

Is that some kind of magic joke?

BOB

Is what some kind of magic joke?

DANA

Pesto change-o.

BOB

Oh, yeah, the burger name. That

changes every day. It’s just

something fun we do here.

"Epidode Title" 6.

Page 8: Bob's Burgers Spec

DANA

How old are you?

BOB

Um, 45.

DANA

I’ve never understood that.

BOB

What?

DANA

Grown men acting like children. Yeah,

I’ll take a menu.

BOB IS TAKEN ABACK, BUT QUICKLY HANDS DANA A MENU.

DANA (CONT’D)

Huh, just burgers and fries...

DANA MAKES A CLICKING NOISE WHILE HE CONSIDERS HIS OPTIONS, WHICH MAKES BOB WINCE WITH ANGER.

DANA (CONT’D)

I guess I’ll have the funny burger,

but please make sure to cook it

properly. My health is not a joke.

BOB(annoyed, shouting)

Can do!

DANA TURNS TO TEDDY.

DANA

Hi, how are you, I’m Dana.

TEDDY DOESN’T LIKE THIS GUY RIGHT AWAY.

"Epidode Title" 7.

Page 9: Bob's Burgers Spec

TEDDY

I’m Teddy, but it’s Theodore to you.

DANA

Good to meet you Theodore. You from

around here?

TEDDY

Yeah.

DANA

I hate it here. Where I’m from is

much better.

DANA STRETCHES IN HIS CHAIR.

DANA (CONT’D)

Much, much better.

DANA YAWNS. TEDDY IS ANNOYED BEYOND BELIEF.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY

GAYLE

It’s glorious.

WE SEE THEY’RE STANDING IN FRONT OF A GIANT, PLAIN WHITE BUILDING.

LINDA

Ooh, let’s take a picture of ourselves

before we go in. ‘Cause we’re gonna

walk out changed women.

GAYLE AND LINDA SQUEAL WITH DELIGHT AS THEY TAKE A PHOTO TOGETHER. WE SEE THE IMAGE ON THE CAMERA AND GAYLE IS TAKING UP MOST OF THE PHOTO SO LINDA ONLY HAS HALF HER FACE IN IT.

LINDA LOOKS AT THE PHOTO.

LINDA (CONT’D)

Aw, we were so young.

"Epidode Title" 8.

Page 10: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA LAUGHS LOUDLY.

LINDA AND GAYLE READY THEMSELVES TO ENTER THE CONVENTION CENTER. THEY PUSH OPEN THE DOORS TOGETHER.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER

THE CONVENTION CENTER IS PACKED WITH BOOTHS SET UP FOR EVERY HOLISTIC HEALING PRODUCT IMAGINABLE.

GAYLE’S EYES LIGHT UP WHEN SHE ENTERS THE ROOM, BUT LINDA’S EYES DO THE OPPOSITE.

THE BOOTHS SAY THINGS LIKE “HOMEOPATHIC MANICURES”, “ASK THE DOCTOR: DR. HAMPTON RAMPT, PHD IN HERBAL OILS”, “LAVENDER URINE THERAPY”, “POLITICAL ACUPRESSURE”, “BRUISE WELLNESS”, “INCENSE SUNGLASSES”.

LINDA(to herself)

What have I done? A whole day of

this?

GAYLE

I know! Where should we start first?

LINDA(reading a booth’s sign)

Potato soap?

GAYLE

I was thinking we should start with

potato soap too! It’s like the

universe is listening to my thoughts

and giving me exactly what I want.

GAYLE RACES OVER TO THE POTATO SOAP BOOTH WHERE THERE IS A CHIPPER YOUNG MAN WORKING.

GAYLE (CONT’D)

Please tell us every detail about your

soap, young man.

"Epidode Title" 9.

Page 11: Bob's Burgers Spec

YOUNG MAN

We have an informative video for that

exact soothing, natural purpose.

THE YOUNG MAN POINTS TOWARD THE TV AND THEY (AND THE AUDIENCE) WATCH A VIDEO ABOUT THE MAKING OF THIS SOAP.

INT. VIDEO - POTATOES SWIRL AROUND A COLORFUL BACKGROUND AND CREATE SHAPES AND FLOWERS AND PERFORM OTHER PSYCHEDELIC TRICKS

VIDEO (V.O.)

If the eyes are the window to the

soul, then potatoes must be all

knowing. After bathing, instead of

just feeling clean, don’t you want to

feel truly cleansed? Potato soap can

see into your soul with it’s patented

potato power that’s been proven by

science...

GAYLE IS ENTHRALLED. LINDA LOOKS HORRIFIED.

INT. WAGSTAFF SCHOOL - TINA’S CLASSROOM

TEACHER

Open your books to page 225. Now who

would like to read aloud?

NO HANDS GO UP.

TEACHER (CONT’D)

No one? Well then I guess I’ll just

have to choose someone. Tina...

TINA LOOKS PAINED.

"Epidode Title" 10.

Page 12: Bob's Burgers Spec

INT. WAGSTAFF SCHOOL - LOUISE’S CLASSROOM

LOUISE IS CARVING SOMETHING INTO HER DESK WHILE HER TEACHER CHEERFULLY TALKS.

TEACHER #2

It’s everyone’s favorite day: Show and

Tell!

THE CLASS OOHS AND AHHS IN EXCITEMENT, EXCEPT FOR LOUISE, WHO ROLLS HER EYES.

TEACHER #2 (CONT’D)

We’ll begin with Caleb who brought a

photo of his favorite aunt to share

with us today. Isn’t that nice?

LOUISE FLOPS HER HEAD DOWN ON HER DESK AND WE SEE AN INTRICATE CARVING SHE’S LIKELY BEEN WORKING ON FOR MONTHS: A RAT EATING MR. FROND’S EYEBALL OUT OF HIS HEAD WHILE A TEAR ROLLS DOWN HIS CHEEK.

INT. WAGSTAFF SCHOOL - EUGENE’S CLASSROOM

EUGENE’S TEACHER IS WEARING A SILLY COSTUME. HE HAS ON A RAINBOW AFRO WIG, RAINBOW SUSPENDERS, AND RAINBOW CLOWN SHOES.

TEACHER #3

Does anyone know how a rainbow is

made?

EUGENE

By lighting a kitten’s fart on fire?

TEACHER #3

Eugene, that’s not appropriate, I’m

going to have to send you to the

princip...

THE SCREEN SPLITS IN THREE AND WE SEE ALL THREE OF THE TEACHERS TALKING AT ONCE.

"Epidode Title" 11.

Page 13: Bob's Burgers Spec

TEACHER

Hold on, I almost forgot. Your book

orders came in today.

TEACHER #2

Hold on, I almost forgot. Your book

orders came in today.

TEACHER #3

Hold on, I almost forgot. Your book

orders came in today.

THEN WE SEE CLOSE-UPS OF THE KIDS’ FACES. THIS IS THE BEST NEWS THEY’VE EVER HEARD.

INT. WAGSTAFF SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - SAME DAY

TINA, LOUISE, AND EUGENE ARE ALL SITTING TOGETHER, HOLDING THEIR NEW PRIZED POSSESSIONS.

LOUISE

This might be the most I’ve ever loved

something. Sorry, guys, but I’ve

moved on.

TINA

A book of 75 of the most inspirational

people? That doesn’t seem like you.

LOUISE

Tina, come on, do you know me at all?

I’m going to draw on all of their

faces to humiliate them. Not so

inspirational with a tattoo of a

pantsless gremlin on your forehead,

now are you?

"Epidode Title" 12.

Page 14: Bob's Burgers Spec

EUGENE

What did he do to deserve this?

LOUISE

He ran a 4-minute mile.

EUGENE

Tear him apart, Louise. Tear him

apart.

TINA

Well, my book has it’s own drawings.

It’s a Japanese comic book and it’s a

love story, ooh la la.

GENE

Please don’t look at me when you say

that.

TINA

Ooh la la.

TINA WINKS AT GENE.

GENE

Now that I like.

TINA WINKS AGAIN AND GENE MOVES HIS BODY ALL AROUND LIKE HE JUST GOT THE CHILLS.

LOUISE

You didn’t show us your book.

TINA

Yeah, Gene, where is it?

GENE

I didn’t order a book. I ordered...a

poster!

"Epidode Title" 13.

Page 15: Bob's Burgers Spec

LOUISE

A poster of what?

GENE

A dog with a frisbee in it’s mouth.

TINA

Show me, show me!

GENE HOLDS IT UP. IT LOOKS EXACTLY AS BORING AS YOU’D IMAGINE.

TINA (CONT’D)

It’s beautiful.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER - SAME DAY

GAYLE

It’s beautiful.

WE SEE A CLOSE-UP OF A PRODUCT THAT LOOKS LIKE A PAIR OF MANNEQUIN HANDS. THEY’RE CALLED “SENSUAL STRANGER.”

LINDA

What is it?

THE GIRL WORKING AT THE BOOTH SPEAKS IN A VERY CALM, SOOTHING VOICE.

BOOTH GIRL

The Sensual Stranger behaves just like

real hands, but better.

GAYLE

Ooh, better than hands! You hear

that, Linda? Better than hands.

"Epidode Title" 14.

Page 16: Bob's Burgers Spec

BOOTH GIRL

You can use these to massage your

lover, to caress your lap cat, or to

hold hands with when you’re feeling

lonely.

LINDA

Can’t your hands just do that stuff?

BOOTH GIRL

This isn’t about hands, it’s about the

experience of hands.

LINDA(annoyed)

Oh. Okay.

GAYLE USES THE MANNEQUIN HANDS TO CLAP WITH EXCITEMENT.

INT. BOB’S BURGERS

BOB IS MAKING BURGERS BEHIND THE GRILL WHEN HE SEES DANA WALK IN.

BOB

Oh god.

BOB DUCKS BEHIND THE GRILL.

TEDDY

What is it, Bobby? Did you see my

mother’s ghost?

DANA SITS DOWN NEXT TO TEDDY.

TEDDY (CONT’D)

Oh, it’s you. Bob, it’s not my

mother, it’s Dana.

BOB COMES UP FROM BEHIND THE GRILL.

"Epidode Title" 15.

Page 17: Bob's Burgers Spec

DANA

Hey, it’s me. I’m here. You’re new

favorite customer.

BOB

Twice in one day? You liked that

pesto burger after all then?

DANA

Say, Bob, are you interested in buying

13 gallons of unpasturized milk?

BOB

Uhh, no.

DANA

Really? Why not?

BOB

I’m sorry, Dana, I’m kinda busy. Are

you going to have another Pesto Change-

o?

DANA

I know how that is. I’m actually busy

too.

BOB

Oh yeah?

DANA

You don’t get to where I am without

being busy.

BOB

Okay.

"Epidode Title" 16.

Page 18: Bob's Burgers Spec

DANA

Where am I, you ask? I’m an

entrepreneur.

TEDDY(annoyed)

Is he kidding with this?

DANA

I retired at 29, but guess what? I’m

still working.

TEDDY

That doesn’t make sense.

DANA

14 kids.

BOB

That’s a lot.

DANA

Had them all before my 21st birthday.

BOB

Tough wife.

DANA

Never married.

TEDDY

Can you shut-up?

DANA

Theodore, is it?

TEDDY

It is.

"Epidode Title" 17.

Page 19: Bob's Burgers Spec

DANA

Can I ask you something?

TEDDY(angry)

Sure you can. I believe in you.

DANA

Would you sign my petition to make the

letter ‘r’ illegal?

TEDDY

No one wants you here.

BOB

Pesto change-o, coming up!

INT. CONVENTION CENTER - SAME DAY

GAYLE IS LYING FACEDOWN AND SHIRTLESS ON A MASSAGE TABLE WITH MUSIC LOUDLY PLAYING.

GAYLE

Ooh, that feels so good.

WE SEE LINDA IS IN A SIMILAR POSITION ON THE TABLE NEXT TO HER.

LINDA

I don’t feel nothin’.

THE BOOTH IS CALLED “DEEP TISSUE MUSIC MASSAGE”

THE MAN AT THE BOOTH WALKS IN BETWEEN THEM.

BOOTH MAN

I think what’s happening is Gayle

isn’t afraid of the experience, but

Linda.. Maybe you’re a little scared?

GAYLE

That’s it. Linda, you’re scared.

"Epidode Title" 18.

Page 20: Bob's Burgers Spec

LINDA

Huh. I don’t feel scared.

GAYLE

You are scared.

BOOTH MAN

Yes, you’re scared.

LINDA (CONT’D)

I have been holding in a fart this

whole time.

BOOTH MAN

See? Fear was holding you back. You

have to let the music touch you and

you have to let yourself touch the

music.

GAYLE

The music touched me and I touched the

music.

BOOTH MAN

Very good, Gayle. Perhaps you’ll be

interested in purchasing the full deep

tissue music massage package for at-

home use?

GAYLE

Sure. I’ll just leave my credit card

with you and you can decide for me

what my best option is.

LINDA

Gayle, no. No. Let’s browse around

some more first.

"Epidode Title" 19.

Page 21: Bob's Burgers Spec

GAYLE

Oh, okay. I’ll be back.

THE BOOTH MAN LOOKS PERTURBED. LINDA TURNS AROUND AND STICKS HER TONGUE OUT AT HIM.

LINDA

Let’s go into the food room. I’m

starved.

GAYLE

I did read about a eucalyptus

cheesecake that fills you up while

also clearing chest congestion.

LINDA

Great, we’ll try that.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER - FOOD ROOM

THE FOOD ROOM IS GLORIOUS. ALL OF THE FOOD LOOKS AMAZING. UNFORTUNATELY THE FLAVORS ARE ALL BIZARRE.

LINDA

It smells like everyone in here is

wearing too much perfume. But look,

donuts!

LINDA RUNS OVER TO A TABLE WITH DONUTS.

BOOTH WOMAN

Would you like a natural donut?

LINDA

Yes, yes, yes. Mmm, chocolate!

LINDA GRABS UP A BROWN DONUT. SHE TAKES A BIG BITE AND HER EYES GET WIDE AND SHE STARTS TO CHEW VERY SLOWLY AND WITH HER MOUTH OPEN AS WIDE AS IT WILL GO.

"Epidode Title" 20.

Page 22: Bob's Burgers Spec

BOOTH WOMAN

Can you believe there’s no chocolate

in that at all? That’s actually made

from the healing bark of the oak tree.

GAYLE

No kidding?

GAYLE’S MOUTH IS FULL AND SHE CHEERILY CARRIES 3 DONUTS AND MUNCHES ON THEM ALL.

BOOTH WOMAN

One donut per person.

LINDA PULLS HER SISTER AWAY.

LINDA(under her breath)

No one else is gonna want your nasty

bark rings.

LINDA’S STOMACH GRUMBLES AND SHE FRANTICALLY LOOKS AROUND FOR ANY BOOTH THAT SEEMS NORMAL. THE SIGNS SHE SEES SAY “NUT CHEEZE PIZZA”, “BEAN CURD SMOOTHIES”, “FREEZE DRIED TOFU DOGS”, “KOMBUCHA ICE-CREAM SANDWICHES”, AND “WHEAT GERM GUMMY BEARS”.

LINDA LOOKS UP TO THE SKY AND SCREAMS AT THE GODS. EVERYONE IN THE CONVENTION CENTER LOOKS AT HER, ALARMED.

GAYLE

Can’t decide, huh?

INT. BOB’S BURGERS - SAME DAY

THE KIDS ALL WALK IN WITH THEIR BACKPACKS ON.

GENE

Dad, look at my cool poster!

GENE PROUDLY SHOWS BOB HIS POSTER.

BOB

That’s great, Gene. I love it.

"Epidode Title" 21.

Page 23: Bob's Burgers Spec

LOUISE

And look at this man jetskiing with no

arms. I colored the mountains brown,

so now it looks like he’s skiing down

a mountain of poop.

LOUISE SHOWS BOB THE PHOTO.

BOB

That’s truly magnificent, Louise.

TINA IS SILENTLY READING HER BOOK.

BOB (CONT’D)

Tina?

TINA CONTINUES READING.

BOB (CONT’D)

Tina, did you have something you

wanted to show me?

TINA

No.

TINA LOOKS UP AND SEES HOW DISAPPOINTED BOB LOOKS.

TINA (CONT’D)

Okay, a real quick peek, but this is

getting good so don’t drool all over

the pages.

BOB

I’ll try not to.

TINA GOES OVER TO BOB AND SHOWS HIM HER BOOK. SHE POINTS TO THE DRAWINGS AND DESCRIBES EACH PANEL.

"Epidode Title" 22.

Page 24: Bob's Burgers Spec

TINA

Basho doesn’t want Emi to know he

knows she’s engaged to be married, but

Emi knows he knows but she doesn’t

want him to know that. So Basho is

slowly dying because he’s sad, but Emi

won’t talk to him about it because

she’s sad too.

BOB

Wow, Tina, that’s certainly dramatic.

TINA

Dramatic? Dad, it’s the saddest thing

that’s ever happened to anyone. Why

isn’t this my life? Do you think

Jimmy Jr would slowly die if I got

secretly engaged?

BOB

I, uh, yeah, probably.

TINA CLUTCHES HER BOOK TO HER CHEST AND BREATHES OUT A DEEP SIGH. SHE RUNS OFF WITH HER BOOK.

LOUISE

She’s a handful isn’t she, Bob?

GENE

Kids: you can’t live with ‘em, you

can’t live without ‘em. Or is that

bears?

"Epidode Title" 23.

Page 25: Bob's Burgers Spec

BOB

Can you kids please help me by

refilling the napkins?

TEDDY

Oh boy, Bob, if you’re running low on

napkins I think I might know whose

fault it is: mine.

BOB

It’s fine, Teddy, we do this weekly.

TEDDY

Oh, phew, color me relieved. I was

beginning to think my mother’s ghost

was right about me.

DANA WALKS IN.

TEDDY (CONT’D)

Speak of the devil.

BOB

I don’t think that’s how you use that

phrase.

TEDDY

No?

BOB

No.

TEDDY

Oh. Hey Dana. Here to ruin our day

with your bad personality?

"Epidode Title" 24.

Page 26: Bob's Burgers Spec

LOUISE

Whoa, Teddy, what’s with the attitude?

I like it.

LOUISE (CONT’D)(to Dana)

Listen here, Buddy, if Teddy don’t

like ya, then I don’t either. You got

that?

GENE

Me neither!

BOB

Alright, kids, it’s fine. Sorry,

Dana. Pesto change-o?

DANA

I came here to say goodbye.

BOB

Goodbye?

DANA

As you may or may not know, I’m not

from around here. I came here with my

stack of petitions hoping to make a

quick seven grand, then hit the road.

BOB

Okay...

DANA

But something happened. Life got in

the way. And so did friendship.

"Epidode Title" 25.

(MORE)

Page 27: Bob's Burgers Spec

I spent so much time here with you

folks that I only managed to get

150,000 signatures while I was in

town.

BOB

That sounds like a lot.

DANA

But, you know what, it was worth it.

I’ll cherish the memories of the time

we spent together for the rest of my

days. And there will be a lot of

them, because I’m very healthy.

BOB

That’s good to know.

TEDDY

Yeesh.

DANA

But I think I’ll miss you most of all,

Theodore. Thanks for the laughs.

TEDDY

You’re welcome. Now get the hell out

of here.

DANA

I will, friend. I will.

DANA LEAVES THE RESTAURANT.

"Epidode Title" 26.

DANA (CONT'D)

Page 28: Bob's Burgers Spec

GENE

Why did he make a speech? Was he

proposing to you?

TEDDY

Who cares? He’s gone.

LOUISE

Hey, look! He’s in my book of

inspirational people!

LOUISE SHOWS A PICTURE OF THE MAN IN HER BOOK.

TEDDY

Now I feel bad.

LOUISE

It says he was born with 4 testicles.

TEDDY

Now I feel really bad.

BOB

Why is that in your book?

LOUISE

I don’t know, it’s inspirational?

GENE

I’m inspired!

BOB

When will your mother be home?

INT. CONVENTION CENTER

A MAN IS DOING A PRESENTATION OF HIS PRODUCT, “THE STRESS STRAW”. HIS PRESENTATION IS FAST-PACED AND SIMILAR TO THE SHAM-WOW COMMERCIAL.

"Epidode Title" 27.

Page 29: Bob's Burgers Spec

STRESS STRAW PRESENTER

So picture this: You’re having a bad

day, the rains coming down on you and,

oh no, your shoes are soaking wet.

Guess what, it’s not the end of the

world. The stress straw is there.

Just chew on the stress straw, like

so.

THE MAN CHEWS ON THE STRESS STRAW.

STRESS STRAW PRESENTER (CONT’D)

And all of your stress goes out the

window.

GAYLE LOOKS DELIGHTED. LINDA IS CHEWING ON A BARK DONUT, MISERABLE.

STRESS STRAW PRESENTER (CONT’D)

You can chew it, you can pull it, you

can twist it, you can break it. And

if you make a wish into it, it’ll come

true.

GAYLE AND THE OTHER ONLOOKERS ARE AMAZED.

LINDA GRABS GAYLE’S ARM, WHICH IS FULL OF BAGS OVERFLOWING WITH HOLISTIC JUNK.

LINDA

Gayle, let’s go, this place is bull-

"Epidode Title" 28.