being a parent, not a friend: boundaries and your...

Other parent sheets information sheets are available at www.gellen.org.au

The information sheet for parents has been prepared by the Gippsland East Local Learning Employment

Network (GELLEN) and is adapted from information provided by the Raising Children Network,

in conjunction with the Centre for Adolescent Health, and the Inner East LLEN. 2016.

As your child enters adolescence, it’s a good time to reflect on how you parent.

Research is quite clear on this – being authoritarian is far from ideal. The authoritarian approach - “do as I say because I said so…

and I’m the boss!” - will only alienate young teens. Strict and uncompromising discipline only leads to confrontation and constant

arguments. The likely result is an unhappy teen who lacks social competence and self-confidence.

Parents should always have clear boundaries with their children. As they move into adolescence it’s still important to keep guiding

them. Do enjoy shared activities with your child. However if you’re too much a “buddy” you may lose your authority as a parent.

Permissive parenting sets your child up for poor, sometimes rebellious, attitudes. As they enter a world where they don’t always

get what they want, the child of permissive parents often lacks the ability to persist and be resilient. This could even lead to poor

performance at school.

Being an authoritative parent is the ideal. Being authoritative means establishing and maintaining clear, transparent and

consistent boundaries - at the same time encouraging responsibility and independence. Be assertive, but not controlling.

Effective communication is key.

Four things you can do

1. Allow your child to share opinions and input on family activities in an atmosphere of shared family goals.

At the same time, maintain your parental right to make the final decisions.

2. Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to make choices and to build his/her decision-making skills gradually through

childhood.

3. Try to maintain a strong bond between the adults in the family and avoid drawing children into parental arguments and

resentments!

4. Don’t be afraid to assert yourself when you child needs instruction or discipline. Learn and practice strategies to prevent

child misbehaviour from spiralling out of control.

Having problems?

Be courageous and take the first step by seeking support e.g. it might be a friend or a school counsellor.

Contact a local service for additional support e.g. our local community health centre.

A N I N F O R M A T I O N S H E E T F O R P A R E N T S

being a parent, not a friend: boundaries and your child.






raising a confident teenager

What is confidence?

It is the belief that one can be successful in a particular situation or at a specific task. It is being able to say “I can do it.”

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult experiences and to cope in hard or stressful situations. With confidence

and resilience, teens are more capable of tackling difficult situations, bouncing back from tough times and making safe,

informed decisions. Parents can really help build a child’s confidence by focusing on effort, rather than outcomes.

Key message for building resilience in your child

It’s a normal part of life to experience a difficult or unhappy time.

No-one’s perfect and there are some things we can’t do so well.

If we want to improve on a task that’s important to us, we need to find ways to work on the weaknesses and build on the

strengths.

Five tips to help build your child’s confidence and resilience

1. Think about practical and positive things your child can do to build skills and increase chances of success. For example,

‘Ann, if you want to be picked for the basketball team, you need to make sure you’re listening to the coach and practising

between sessions’.

2. Give your child opportunities to try new things. When your child tries lots of different things, he’ll get to know what he’s

good at and what he enjoys. He’ll also learn that most people do well at some things and not so well at others – we’re all

different.

3. Encourage your child to try again if she fails, and help her understand that everyone makes mistakes. It’s OK if you can’t do

something the first time you try.

4. Encourage your child to be confident. Suggest to your child that he makes eye contact with others, does what he loves,

tries not to focus on what he can’t do, and walks away from negative situations.

5. Praise your child’s efforts. If an exam or game doesn’t work out the way your child hoped, focus on the effort and try to

take away some positives from the experience.






good habits and routines

You’re raising a young child. You want the best for him or her.

Start good habits while they’re young because poor habits are difficult to change later.

Whether it’s doing homework, getting to bed, or controlling use of electronic devices and social media use, routine and good

habits can really make a positive difference.

There’s a real case for encouraging earlier sleeping patterns — at night, before lights go out, many suggest turning computers and

electronic devices OFF at least half an hour before bedtime. That means all phones, computer games, PCs, laptops, iPhones, etc.

A mobile phone, at the end of a day, could be kept in a common, central area - that way it doesn’t get lost. And, there’s some con-

trol over its use – and your bills!

Facebook — what should I do?

Discussion about Facebook can polarise parents. Some hate it - for real and imagined threats - whilst others don’t mind their

children having an account.

Despite age rules, many children are on Facebook. Kids are already using it to communicate with one another. What to do?

It can be useful to get to know Facebook, to inform ourselves about it. Facebook is there, it’s popular, and won’t be going away

anytime soon.

Many teachers and schools now recommend that you get to know what it is, what it can do. It might be better than ignoring it.

Some parents become “friends” with their children on Facebook. By becoming a “friend”, this may create other opportunities to

open up conversations with your child.


health and wellbeing; the teenage years

The teenage years represent a transition from childhood to adulthood. With this comes many changes – changes to bodies,

emotions, behaviours and attitudes.

Teachers and staff understand these changes and can provide information and support. Friendships developed during secondary

school can provide peer support and help children develop social skills and self-esteem.

Making new friends and feeling comfortable are especially important when children start secondary school. It is important to re-

member, however, that your child’s friendships may change as they develop a sense of themselves and make sense of the world

around them. A child’s relationship with their parents and family may similarly change.

Students adapt to adolescent life in different ways. If you feel that your child is having difficulties, it is important to discuss your

concerns and ask for help if needed.

Supporting your child’s welfare

Parents have an important role in supporting their children’s progress at school. It is also important to know that there are staff

with specific roles to support student wellbeing and student learning available in schools.

Student welfare coordinators

Secondary schools have student welfare coordinators who are responsible for helping students handle issues such as truancy,

bullying and family conflict. They work with other welfare professionals and agencies to address student needs.

If you are concerned your child may be having difficulties at school, or they are at risk of disengagement, you should contact the

school.

For more information, visit www.education.vic.gov.au/studentsupport/supportinschools


The information sheet for parents has been prepared by the Gippsland East Local Learning Employment Network (GELLEN)

and is adapted from information provided by the Department of Education and Early Childhood Development in

conjunction with the Centre for Adolescent Health and the Hume Whittlesea LLEN. 2016.

being a parent, not a friend: boundaries and your...

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