May2015 1

Bandiwords

Newsletter May 2015 Defibrillator – Care & Maintenance

Our defibrillator unit was recently compromised when a person (or persons) unknown apparently opened the unit up & examined the unit’s pads. Unfortunately, (for us) the unit, in its self-testing regime, determined that that examination

was an actual use of the pads & proceeded to alert us that the pads needed replacing. Replacement pads cost in excess of $100 and it is in the best interests of all members that the unit is maintained in a safe operating condition. Whilst we want all members to be familiar with the operation of the unit, it is important that the unit itself is not opened unless actually needed for a first aid incident. If you do want to familiarise yourself with the unit’s operational procedures, see Bruce for a video & a hands on access opportunity to the pads themselves. But don’t access the unit itself unless it is for a legitimate emergency. But, do understand, that when there is a legitimate need to use the defibrillator, the instrument will clearly walk you through the steps you will need to follow to successfully resuscitate your fellow shed member in his time of need.

BW -oOo-

USB Stick For Seniors Soon it will be compulsory for the elderly to not only carry their ID with them, but also their insurance papers, their list of medication and a compact version of their medical history, their views about resuscitation after a cardiac arrest etc., etc. So, when an older person wants to go out he or she will need to carry a lot of paper-work!! That is why there has been developed a special USB stick for seniors. Have a look - - Available soon, but only on prescription! This way you always have your USB handy.

-oOo- Some people just need a sympathetic pat

on the head….. With a hammer!!!

Copper Wire After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British". One week later, the state’s Department of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia, reported the following:- "After digging as deep as 30 feet in WA’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely stuff all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless." Just makes you bloody proud to be Australian.

Too many variants to ascribe original thought.

-oOo-

Expertise Is What You Pay For A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put every-thing back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work? The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic....... "Try doing it with the engine running."

-oOo

May2015 2

THE MAGIC PILLS I went to see the doctor

He gave me lots of pills,

You know those funny round things

That clear up all our ills,

xXx

I got one for constipation

And one to make me wee

Some stuff to wash my eyes out

To enable me to see,

xXx

I got one to stop my backache

And another for my head

I also have another one

To make me sleep in bed,

xXx

He gave me a bright red one

He said to make me eat

I've also got a green one

To take swelling from my feet

xXx

I've got a green and red one

To take when I'm depressed

Which happens every nightime

When I see myself undressed,

xXx

But he gave me one to cheer me,

Take one, that isn't much

It makes me feel much better

When I'm with my dear old Dutch.

xXx

George Shurlock 1987

-oOo-

Good Housekeeping Shed housekeeping is probably the lowest level of consideration of most of our shedders, as evidenced by the sessional residues left behind. However, the importance of cleaning up immediately after use of any machine may be clearly illustrated by the pictures below:-

This is the power control switch to the Air conditioner unit in the Metal work area. It shorted out due to the entry of metal & carbonaceous material following the failure to clean up after using metalwork cutting, grinding & polishing equipment in the area. It is most important WE all observe the Shed policy that requires all members to clean up any machine they use, immediately after usage, to ensure that a clean machine is available to the next user. This is our essential internal fire protection protocol.

-oOo-

Why I put my faith in science Phillip Adams

“The prayers of the millions, how they must fight and destroy each other on their way to the throne of God” - John Steinbeck

I’m a Faithiest. A word I coined for atheists who acknowledge belief in a force mightier than themselves. Certainly not Him. It’s an It. Science. Centuries of exploration via microscope and telescope have taken us from the infinitely small to the unimaginably enormous. From Big Bang to Black Hole. Though I get as confused by the counter-intuitive discoveries of quantum mechanics as any Catholic by the mysteries of the Trinity, I’ve the same depth of faith as anyone sitting in a pew. Faith in the scientific method, which slowly but surely discovers truth, demolishes dogma, widens horizons, creates medical miracles, puts technological marvels at your fingertips and may yet save the world from science itself. Science is only human – so it makes mistakes. It has committed sins both venial and mortal. Such as adding nuclear and biological weapons to the boys’ toys of war. And conjuring the industries that are not-so-slowly but very surely overheating our planet. And while believing that rabid religion is every bit as dangerous as A-bombs and global warming, I willingly concede that belief in this or that god has, from time to time, proved mildly inspirational. Behold the odd pyramid, Gothic cathedral, mosque or Buddhist temple. Listen to the music of Bach, look at the art of the Renaissance, enjoy the beauty of language in sacred texts. (God’s prose in the Good Book should’ve won Him a Booker). But it’s a pity about religion’s escalating genocides, beginning with Sodom, Gomorrah and the Flood, and culminating in the Holocaust. (Though deriving from Hinduism, Hitler’s swastika always seemed to me the Christian cross in jackboots). As knowledge advances, God retreats. From the days of Darwin to the age of Hawking, religion has taken a hammering from science. And from atheists. But it’s not a few books from Dawkins and Hitchens putting the wreckers’ ball through dogmatism. It’s religion that’s destroying religion. Religion is recruiting atheists as surely as the War on Terror recruits terrorists. Most of the more vicious conflicts are within religions, not between them. Shi’ite and Sunni are in fights to the death, every bit as deadly as the centuries-old battles between Protestant and Catholic in Northern Ireland. Or ultra-orthodox versus progressive and secular Jews in Israel. This column has reported on strange events in Saudi Arabia – the official policy of bulldozing every ancient building in Mecca and Medina that can be identified with the Prophet Mohammed. (Systematically destroyed because of theological fears of idolatry). We atheists are simply innocent onlookers saying “told you so” as the believers destroy each other and themselves. And it’s not just buildings the Saudis are destroying, it’s lives. Their beheadings, which far exceed those of ISIS, are sanctioned by religious authorities for a range of sins. Adultery beheads the list. Meanwhile, religious mania pushes the US towards the status of the failed state, as state after state sees Pentecostal fundamentalists join in unholy wedlock with the Tea Party. Executions in Texas (152 during George W. Bush’s governorship – a tally that the recently retired governor Rick Perry far surpassed) reek of religiosity and racism. And no Republican pursuing the presidency can admit to belief in the satanic doctrine of evolution. Interestingly, Darwin is also seen as a blasphemer by the mullahs. The gravitational pull of the dogmatisms of the so-called Dark Ages darkens the doorstep of this 21st century. Their medieval and evil influence might, to an optimistic atheist or faithiest, be seen as a storm before the lull. I pray so.

May2015 3

From The Chairman’s Desk As I write this month’s article, we near a major decision about our new Shed. For those who didn’t know, the new owner, Mr. Raphael Maguire, took over the site on 5th May and apart from sorting out the alarm system, as indicated that things should continue as before until, I hope, Christmas. The meetings with Armadale Council have continued, the end result being that we will be able to build a Shed of approximately 300 square meters, either between the trees alongside the old skate park slab or a rectangular building in a similar place. After strong representation by your Committee to build the Shed on the old skate park slab, the Council, with advice from various experts, deemed that it was, however, the best place to position the Garden. Consequently the Shed will be placed alongside it. Building the Shed on the existing slab would have saved considerable time and cost, but it is recognised that without suitable sun and exposure, the Garden would not be successful. The plans for our new Shed were somewhat over ambitious in the beginning (if you don’t ask you don’t get!), so we have reduced the size to reduce the overall cost. The building will, however, still have to accommodate the Garden storage area and a communal tea/recreation room. We had decided to not include toilets, again to reduce costs, but one unisex toilet may be the end result. Once the final decision as to where the Shed goes is completed, the granting of the land and planning permission should follow fairly close behind. The major time factor will then be our application to LotteryWest, which we have had to delay due to the uncertainty of the Shed size and position. However, your Committee has not been idle, having met and shown around our present Shed, The Hon Donna Faragher and Hon Helen Morton to help boost their support to add to our support from Hon Tony Simpson (a Shed member). With their combined support and the Council’s backing, I am hopeful that our application for funds will be suitably swift. Once the position and footprint of the Shed is finalised, the Committee will complete the building plans as soon as possible, to enable costs to be estimated in preparation for the grant application. We are very aware that all this seems to be taking an inordinately long time, but please believe me when I say we are moving as swiftly as we can. On a more domestic note, we continue to complete various projects for clients which has helped immensely in keeping our income flowing. This is vitally important as from the end of this month we will have to pay for utilities and alarm monitoring, a trend that will continue for the foreseeable future. Our rent free occupation from the Department of Education is now a memory! Remember, our new owner, Mr. Maguire, will be attending the Shed Sundowner this month, so if you have any reasonable questions for him, then would be the time. Please note that he is on our side, but the site will eventually be redeveloped.

Phil Aked - Chairman -oOo-

“Inside Every Older Person is a Younger Person Wondering What the Hell Happened!!!”

-Cara Harvey Armstrong

-oOo- “Instead of trying to leave a better world for our

kids, we should be working tirelessly to leave better kids for our world.”

-oOo-

Montana Cowboy Three strangers struck up a conversation in the airport lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights. One is an American Indian, passing thru from Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show. And the third is a fundamentalist Arab student from the Middle East, newly arrived at Montana State University. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around and the old windsock is flapping, but still no plane comes. Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly speaks... "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few." The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "& now we are many. Why do you suppose that is? The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin."

-oOo- From The Community Garden

From the Arrogant Emperor’s Budget

May2015 4

Eighteen Other Uses For Coca Cola Coca-Cola is drunk by millions around the world on a daily basis. But did you know that the beverage has other uses as well? Below are 18 of 24 identified alternate uses for Coca Cola

1. Shine up your old coins. If you are a coin collector, you'll love this. Just leave your old coins in a glass of Coke and watch the tarnish dissolve in front of your eyes.

2. Improves your compost pile. Accelerate the decaying process of the compost pile by pouring a can of Coke over it. The sugar will feed the beneficial micro-organisms that break down the organic matter.

3. Toilet cleaner. You can make the task of cleaning toilets easy by pouring Coke into the bowl and leaving it there for an hour. The carbonate in the drink removes grime, leaving your toilet sparkling.

4. Grout cleaner. Akin to a toilet cleaner, many people also say you can pour some Coke onto the tile floor, leave for a few minutes and wipe up to find it spanking clean.

5. Removes blood stains. Coca-Cola can be used to remove blood stains. In fact, some claim that it's used as a cleaning agent at crime scenes.

6. Pest control. Get rid of slugs, snails, wasps and ants with a bowl or cup of Coke. They'll be attracted by the sugar, then either die from the acid content or drown in the liquid.

7. Curly hair. As crazy it may sound, you can curl your hair with Coca-Cola. Just pour the flat soda in your hair, let it sit for a while and rinse it off.

8. Hair colour fader. Want a lighter shade of the colour dye your hair with a rinse in Coke.

9. Cola fountain. Have a little bit of fun with your favourite soft drink? Just add some Mentos to the Coca-Cola bottle to get an amazing fountain.

10. Copper cleaner. If your copper utensils have lost their sheen, soak them in Coca-Cola for an hour. The acid of the drink will make the utensils shine without scrubbing.

11. Skin glowing agent. Take a tablespoon of Coca-Cola, mix it with your daily lotion and apply liberally to get glowing skin.

12. No hiccups. Plagued by hiccups? One way to cure them is to hold your breath, and then drink a glass of Coca-Cola quickly.

13. Removes grease stains. The acidic content of Coca-Cola is particularly effective in removing greasy stains from fabrics.

14. Hair saver. If you ever ended up with chewing gum in your hair, no need to get an unwanted haircut. Pour some Coke on it & let it sit for few minutes. The gum will come off easily.

15. Chewing gum remover. Not only hair, Coke can get annoying gum out of your shoes & even your clothes. Just leave it on the gum for a few minutes & then scrape it off with a blunt knife.

16. Rust-removal agent. The phosphoric acid in Coca-Cola helps removing rust from metal. Just soak the metal in the drink for a while & scrub it.

17. Car battery cleaner. Thanks to Coke's mixture of carbonic and phosphoric acids you can also use the sparkling beverage to clean corroded car battery terminals.

18. Defrost Agent Apparently liberally applying Coke on a frozen windshield will immediately defrost it. Give it a try this winter!

-oOo-

On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. Take it easy Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before. 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 4 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!' 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

-oOo- Wine Is Not the Only Drink That's Good For You! An interview with 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald of Feague, Kentucky: Reporter: Can you give us some health tips for reaching the age of 101? Hattie: For better digestion I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. For low blood pressure I drink Red Wine. In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch. And when I have a cold I drink Schnapps. Reporter: When do you drink water? Hattie: I've never been that sick

-oOo- Sundowner Our next Sundowner will be held in Friday, May 29th commencing at 6pm. Our guest speaker this month is Mr Raphael Maguire the new owner of the School site. He is coming to talk about his vision for the site & will be available to answer questions. Our apologies for having to reschedule Mr Maguire from last month’s Sundowner, due to late rescheduling. That notwithstanding, if you have anything you want to know regarding Mr. Maguire’s plans for the former primary school site, make sure you come to this Sundowner!

-oOo- Bandiwords is the newsletter of the Roleystone Men’s Community Shed. The views expressed in this newsletter do not necessarily reflect the views of the RMCS Management Committee or affiliated bodies. Editorial Responsibility for this Newsletter is accepted by Bruce Waddell. Your contributions, comments & feedback are welcome. Phone 041 0088 324. Or Email bwaddell1@bigpond.com

May2015 5

A POEM THAT YOU MAY RELATE TO I remember the cheese of my childhood, And the bread that we cut with a knife, When the children helped with the housework, And the men went to work not the wife.

The cheese never needed a fridge, And the bread was so crusty and hot The children were seldom unhappy And the wife was content with her lot.

I remember the milk from the bottle, With the yummy cream on the top, Our dinner came hot from the oven, And not from the fridge; in the shop.

The kids were a lot more contented, They didn't need money for kicks, Just a game with their mates in the road, And sometimes the Saturday flicks.

I remember the shop on the corner, Where a pen'orth of sweets was sold Do you think I'm a bit too nostalgic? Or is it...I'm just getting old?

I remember the 'loo' was the lav And the bogey man came in the night, It wasn't the least bit funny Going "out back" with no light.

The interesting items we perused From the newspapers cut into squares, And hung on a peg in the loo, It took little to keep us amused.

The clothes were boiled in the copper With plenty of rich foamy suds But the ironing seemed never ending As Mum pressed everyone's 'duds'.

I remember the slap on my backside, And the taste of soap if I swore Anorexia and diets weren't heard of And we hadn't much choice what we wore.

Do you think that bruised our ego? Or our initiative was destroyed? We ate what was put on the table And I think life was better enjoyed.

ANON

The age of remembrance must be 60 plus!!!!!!!! Courtesy Bill Schoondergang

-oOo- I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say “Hey look! That one is shaped like an

idiot”. Courtesy Eugen Krebs -oOo-

The Music Was Murder We interrupt this newsletter with a special report: OPERA MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH!! Well, maybe not for us humans. But for at least one member of the animal kingdom, listening to an opera turned out to be an exercise in fatality. No joke!! An okapi—a rare African mammal related to the giraffe--died at the Copenhagen Zoo last year while opera singers rehearsed in a nearby park. When performers from the Royal Theatre launched into selections from Wagner's "Tannhauser und der Sangerkrieg auf Wartburg," the poor animal just couldn't hack it. (With a title like that, no wonder.) According to the autopsy report, the okapi, a 6-year-old female named Katanga, suffered a severe stress attack. Ouch! Wagner's operas were pretty heavy drama, but I don't think he ever expected anything like this to happen. But maybe there's something to be learned from this. If you happen to be an okapi, or anything remotely related to the giraffe, or even if you just have a real long neck, you'd probably be wise to heed this advice: The next time you hear an opera, you better get off your seat, get on your feet, and, most importantly, GET OUT OF THE ARIA!

"Strange World," Campus Life, Vol. 53, no. 8. -oOo-

I Hear Ringing & There’s No One There Dealing With Tinnitus?

If you hear noises in your ear when it is quiet, you may suffer from tinnitus. This condition often results in a buzzing, whistling, roaring or humming noise and is caused by a problem with the hearing system. It is not curable but can be treated easily and managed with some lifestyle changes. Avoid loud noises: Loud noises will make your existing tinnitus worse, so it is best to wear ear plugs or muffs when you are exposed to high decibels, such as those from mowing the lawn or using a chainsaw. If you cannot hear someone talking to you from a metre away from you, the noise level is too loud. Relaxation: Often stress can make tinnitus worse, so it is essential to take steps to learn techniques to help you unwind. Try taking up a yoga class or Tai Chi or even a massage. Aim to avoid stressful situations and think positively. Additional benefits may come from hypnotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy in helping you to control stress better. Hearing aids: Good quality & well fitted hearing aids can help to improve your hearing & take away any strain you may feel when listening to others. Diet: Caffeine in coffee, teas and colas may impact on hearing, resulting in an increase in tinnitus symptoms. Quinine, an ingredient in tonic water, may also increase symptoms. Some people find eating carbohydrate-rich meals can help as they can cause a sedative effect on the brain. Smoking: Lighting up can cause your blood vessels to narrow, which means it may be harder for oxygen to reach your ears and sensory cells. This can affect your hearing. Medication: Certain medications may make your tinnitus worse. This is of particular concern if you are ion medication for rheumatic diseases, arthritis or depression. Make sure your GP knows about your tinnitus if you are being prescribed anything, including antibiotics.

Edited From “Hearing Life” article 14 Aug 2014 -oOo-

May2015 6

Projects: Works In Progress Our Gas Bottle Barbies have proven to be very popular in the wider community. Over thirty have been made & sold thus far. Thanks to Phil, Bill, David & Kris (+ others) who have worked enthusiastically to meet the orders on time. The Harvest Basket has aroused much interest. Sadly, sales have been slow which is probably more a

reflection on the low level of vegetable gardening in our community than its functionability. Thanks to those involved in putting it all together.

The cubby’s have been imposing as well as appealing to the community. This week we had another enquiry about us building one. Thanks to Lenny & Roy for their work & expertise. The restoration of this outdoor garden setting has

been a challenge. Shaping & smoothing the slats to fit the existing wrought iron work configuration has required the sensitive skills of Kris & Bill.

Then there are all the knick knack stuff that we make. If you are looking for something to do with your hands on a Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday morning ask one of the Shed leaders to assist you in finding all the gear & material you will need.

-oOo- Hand Tool Safety Thoughts Without the use of hand tools, the completion of a construction project would be nearly impossible. Yet, as vital as they are, they are often the cause of serious accidents. All too frequently, hand tools are used improperly or when they are defective. Since we use hand tools continually, it is important they be used properly. Pre-Work Inspection Chisels Be sure the heads are safe ended or dressed. Be sure the cutting edges are sharp and square. Files The tangs should be protected with handles. The teeth should be sharp and clean. Hammers Be sure the handles are tight, unbroken and clean. The face of the head should be smooth and not mushroomed. Screwdrivers Be sure handles are smooth and clean. Be sure all bits should be sharp and square. Saws Blades should be kept sharp and oiled. Handles should be smooth and continuous. General Hand Tool Rules # Always use the right tool for the right job. # Use only tools in good condition. # Keep tools sharpened. # Store tools properly. # When chipping, always wear a face shield or safety glasses. # Never throw tools to co-workers. # Never use a tool in such a way that you will be injured if it slips. Remember: Each tool is designed to perform a specific function. As long as you use the right tool and keep it in good operating condition, the various hand tools will serve you well. When you begin to improvise, expect the unexpected—injuries.

Toolbox Safety Talks (Edited) Workafe WA

-oOo-

Our Valued Shed Sponsors The generosity of local business houses enables us to offer you the high standard of resources and facilities that you are able to access or enjoy. All our sponsors are listed on this page. Should you have the opportunity to use their services, do take time to thank them for their support of your shed.