There’s a lot of emphasis on“emotional intelligence”these days, and empathy isan integral part of this. In myline of work we frequentlytalk about being empatheticand how that just makesthings better for you, wheth-er it’s at offi��ce or school orhome. However, simply say-ing, “put yourself in others’shoes”, is easier said thandone.

What if the shoes don’t fi��t,or are in a style that you justdon’t like?

Lucky for us, developingempathy is like any otherskill, and something that wecan get better at with prac-tice. Here are some sugges-tions on how to do this:

Pay attention: Thisseems blindingly obvious butis quite hard to do in reality.Often, when we have diffi��cultconversations with people,

we might be preparingresponses in our mind inanticipation of what theperson is going to say, orget distracted by the con-sequences of the conver-sation. So in eff��ect, weare “hearing” but notreally “listening”.

The fi��rst step in de-monstrating empathy ispaying attention to whatthe person is saying, andpicking up queues fromtheir tone of voice, bodylanguage and non-verbal ges-tures. What is the choice ofwords they are using? Dothey seem angry? Upset?Nervous?

It’s also important to givethe speaker the sense thatyou are paying attention; somaintain eye contact anddon’t look away to checkyour phone.

If you have personally ex-perienced what the person istalking about, share your ex-perience to give them thecomfort of knowing that youunderstand their predica-ment. If someone is talkingto you about a problem theyare facing, spend some time

treated, but treatingthem the way youthink they wouldwant to be treated.

Know when toback off��: Sometimespeople are not opento giving or receivingempathy. If your bossis yelling at you andthe team, that maynot be the best timeto talk about how eve-ryone is feeling at themoment. At thesetimes, it is best to lis-ten and let it slide.

Help others demon-strate empathy towardsyou: Sometimes peoplearound you need cues toshowing empathy too. By ex-plaining how you feel, (eg:“when you do <insert ac-tion>, it makes me feel <in-sert emotion>”) you helpthem better understand theconsequences of their ac-tions.

So next time you have aconversation with someone,remember to try on theirshoes!

The author is a psychologist andmanagement consultant.krithvis@gmail.com

more empathetic towardsthem.

You don’t always haveto “feel” empathetic: Youmay not always feel an auto-matic emotional responsewhen demonstrating em-pathy. “Cognitive empathy”is all about understandingthe other person’s perspec-tive.

So if you are talking to so-meone who annoys you, orare in the midst of a negotia-tion or argument, use cogni-tive empathy to navigate theconversation.

In this case, putting your-self in their shoes is not somuch about treating themthe way you would like to be

gathering information fi��rstbefore jumping into provid-ing solutions. Ask questionsand commiserate with them(eg: “That must have been adiffi��cult situation to be in,how are you feeling?”).

Consider what youknow about the situationand the person: Someonemight argue with you be-cause they are going througha stressful time in their per-sonal life and the stress iscarrying over to their work-place; or they could haveskipped lunch that day andare “hungry”; or maybe it’s acombination of both! Gettingto know the people aroundyou better will help you be

Being empathetic is fi��ne. But what ifthe shoes don’t fi��t, or are in a stylethat you just don’t like?

EQ... ENGAGE)Krithvi shyam

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