opinions with a little humor, marriage is...

South Platte Sentinel Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 Page 7

Potpourrivia

ByBudChristian

O p i n i o n sO p i n i o n s

With a little humor, marriage is blissfulJoyce and I are celebrating our

53rd wedding anniversary today,Feb. 15, 2012. I’m marking the occa-sion in “Potpourrivia” by sharingsome anecdotes and a bit of humorabout weddings and marital bliss.

•A young couple met with theirpastor to set a date for their wed-ding. When he asked whether theypreferred a contemporary or a tradi-tional service, they opted for thecontemporary.

On the big day, a major stormforced the groom to take an alter-nate route to the church. The streetswere flooded, so he rolled up hispants legs to keep his trousers dry.When he finally reached the church,his best man rushed him into thesanctuary and up to the altar, just asthe ceremony was starting.

“Pull down your pants,” whisperedthe pastor.

“Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed mymind,” the groom responded. “I thinkI want the traditional service.”

•A police officer in a small townstopped a motorist who was speed-ing down Main Street. “But, officer,”the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the of-ficer. “I’m going to let you cool yourheels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say...”“And I said to keep quiet! You’re

going to jail!”A few hours later the officer looked

in on his prisoner and said, “Luckyfor you that the chief’s at hisdaughter’s wedding. He’ll be in agood mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered thefellow in the cell. “I’m the groom!”

•A little boy, at a wedding looks athis mom and says, “Mommy, whydoes the girl wear white?”

His mom replies, “The bride is inwhite because she’s happy and thisis the happiest day of her life.”

The boys thinks about this, andthen says, “Well then, why is the boywearing black?”

His mom did not respond.•A couple were having marital

problems. For Valentines’ Day, theydecided to do the right thing and theycontacted a marriage counselor.Several visits followed when lots ofquestions were asked and lots oflistening carried out. Eventually thecounselor felt that he had discov-ered the main problem. He stood up,went over to the woman, asked herto stand up, and he gave her a bighug. He turned to the husband andsaid, “This is what your wife needs,at least once every day.”

The husband frowned, consideredwhat had been said for a moment,then replied, “Okay, what time doyou want me to bring her back to-morrow?”

•I got to thinking that if SondraLocke married Elliott Ness, then di-vorced him to marry HermanMunster, wouldn’t she becomeSondra Locke Ness Munster.

•The late, great Henny Youngmanonce gave us a list of his secrets toa good marriage. I’m sharing thosewith you today even though I maynot agree with them nor condone

them. (Please remember this dis-claimer, Joyce.)

Youngman said, “My wife and Ihave the secrets to making a mar-riage last:

“1. Two times a week, we go to anice restaurant, a little wine, goodfood and companionship. She goesTuesdays. I go Fridays.

“2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.

“3. I take my wife everywhere, butshe keeps finding her way back.

“4. I asked my wife, ‘Where do youwant to go for our anniversary?’ Shesaid somewhere she hadn’t been ina long time! So I suggested, ‘Howabout the kitchen?’

“5. We always hold hands. If I letgo, she shops.

“6. She has an electric blender,electric toaster, and electric breadmaker. Then she said, ‘There aretoo many gadgets, and no place tosit down!’ So I bought her an electricchair.

“7. My wife told me the car wasn’trunning well - there was water in thecarburetor. When I asked where thecar was, she told me ‘In the lake.’

“8. My wife is on a new diet. Coco-nuts and bananas. She hasn’t lostweight, but BOY, can she climb atree now!

“9. She got a mudpack and lookedgreat for two days. Then the mud felloff.

“10. She ran after the garbagetruck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for thegarbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jumpin!’”

•One final thought to live by: It maybe that your sole purpose in life issimply to serve as a warning to oth-ers.

Happy anniversary, Joyce. Maythe next 53 be just as sweet andmemorable as the past 53 have been.

Happy 1st

Gage Ryan Sieck

Birthday

(Son of Richard & Stacy Sieck)Love - Mom, Dad & Family

Feb. 16,2012

Previous question: What metalis alloyed with steel to make it stain-less?

Answer: A hard, white metal calledchromium is used to make stainlesssteel.

Question: What were the firstnames of Robert Louis Stevenson’sDr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? For bonuspoints, who was the evil one andwho was the good one?

Hang up your cell phone and just

drive! Peace!(Bud Christian, of Sterling, is

the author of numerous books onthe English language and trivia.E-mail comments or questions tobudnjoyce1@msn.com.)