MICHELLECELMER

AccidentallyExpecting

Contents

Chapter1Chapter2Chapter3Chapter4Chapter5Chapter6Chapter7Chapter8Chapter9Chapter10Chapter11Chapter12Chapter13Chapter14Chapter15

Chapter1

Marriedtoabully?Haveyouhadenough?Emotionalabuseleavesnobruises,breaksnobones,stillthedamagerunsdeep.Thinkit’simpossibletoprove?Thinkagain.Ataperecorder

orhiddencameracanbeagirl’sbestfriend.—excerptfromTheModernWoman’sGuidetoDivorce(andthejoysofstayingsingle)

Shewasgoingtoseducehim.MirandaReedsatintheshadowsatthebackofthehotellounge,sippingherapplemartini,

eyesonherprey.Hesataloneatthebar,hisattentiononthefootballgame,unawarethathewasbeingwatched.Hissuitjacketlaydrapedonthebarstoolbesidehim,andhe’drolledthesleevesofhisshirtandloosenedhistie.Eveninthiscasual,relaxedstatehestoodoutfromtheotherbusinessmen.Everythingabouthimwasslightlyandsubtlyexaggerated.

Atsix-two,ZackaryJamesonstoodahairtallerthanmostmen,withaphysiquetonedtoperfection,dressedinasuitandshirtthatwereobviouslytailor-madetoaccentuateeveryoneofhisassets.Shewasespeciallyimpressedbythe“asset”restingonthebarstool.

Shedidsoappreciateamanwithanicerearend.Hesomehowmanagedaperpetualtan,withouteverlookingleatheryorsunbaked,andany

signsofageonhisfacemadehimlookmoredistinguishedthanold.Hisshortdarkhairhadthatsexy,mussedlook,asifhe’djustrunhishandsthroughitwet,butinrealityprobablytookhoursinfrontofamirrortoperfect.Hismouthwaswide,hissmilewarmandgenuine,andhisteethjustwhiteandstraightenough.Caps,shewasguessing.Noonehadteeththatperfectnaturally.

Hecarriedhimselfwithcasualauthority,aneaseandmalegracethatmadepeoplestopandwatch.She’dnevermetamanwhoradiatedsuchconfidence,whowasmorecomfortableinhisownskin.

Toobadhewasanoveropinionatedmalechauvinistpigwhoseideologiesfelloutoffashionwithcoveredwagonsandhoopskirts.

Whenaskedtodotheradioshowwiththerenownedrelationshipguru,amanwhohadbuiltanempirearoundtheprinciplesoftraditionalfamilyvalues,herpublicistassuredherthepromotionforthebookshecowrote,TheModernWoman’sGuidetoDivorce(andthejoysofstayingsingle),wouldbeinvaluable.

Bigmistake.He’darguedsologicallyandtwistedherwordssoskillfullythatbytheendoftheshowher

messagehadbeenlostandshe’dcomeoutlookinglikearadicalfeministmanhater.Shecouldn’tforgetthewayhe’dwatchedherwiththosepiercingblueeyes,eyesdeep

enoughtoswimin,withnotahintofthesuperiorityandsatisfactionhemusthavebeenfeelingfordiscreditingher.Infact,asshe’dbecomeangrierandmoreaggressive,he’dstayedcalmandreasonable,thedrivelhepreachedpouringoutofhim,smotheringhereverypointlikehotfudgeovercoldvanillaicecream.

Callitpettyanduncivilized,butshewasinthemoodforsomegoodold-fashionedrevenge.Evenifshewouldbetheonlyonewhoknew.

Shewasgoingtoputhishighidealstothetestandseeifhereallybelievedallthatgarbagehespoutedaboutmarriageandfamily.Specifically,hisviewsonintimacy.Theslightlyupdatedversionofnosexbeforemarriage.Theideathatamanandawomanshouldbecommitted,preferablywithplansofmarriage,

beforeconsummatingarelationship.Theywouldjustseeaboutthat.Mirandawatchedasthewaitressdeliveredthedrinkshehadorderedhim,sawthelookof

curiosityonhisface.Thewaitresspointedinherdirection,andwhenheturned,shepastedonanalluringsmileandwaggledherfingersathim.Oneofthoseheart-stoppinggrinscurledthecornersofhismouthwhenherecognizedher.

Hetossedafewbillsonthewaitress’stray—amanlikehimwouldofcoursebeageneroustipper—grabbedhisjacketanddrinkandheadedtohertable,hiseyesneverleavingherface.She’dwornherhairdownandletitfallinsilkywavesoverhershoulders,itsdarkcolorbringingoutthegreeninhereyes.Itwasalittleunnervingthewayhestaredwithsuchintensity,asiftheworldaroundthemnolongerexisted.Ashedrewclosersheevenfeltalittlebreathless,asifhe’dsuckedalltheairfromtheroomandtherewasnoneleftforher.

Thisnightcoulddefinitelyprovetobesatisfying,inmorewaysthanone.“Mr.Jameson,”shesaidashestoppedbesidethetable.“Ms.Reed,”hereplied,withanaffabletipofhishead.HehadthevoiceofaradioDJ—

deepandmesmerizing.Avoicethatheldcaptiveauditoriumsfullofhisloyalsupportersforhoursonend.“MayIjoinyou?”

Shegesturedtotheemptyseat,takingcaretomakethemovelookasgracefullyseductiveaspossible.Iftherewasonethingshe’dlearnedonherjourneytobecomingamodern,independentwoman,itwashowtoseduceaman.“Please.”

Hesethisdrinkonthetableandhunghisjacketonthebackofthechairbeforeheslidintotheseat,casualyetsocontrolled,asifhethoroughlyplannedeachandeverymovebeforeexecutingit.“AreyouenjoyingyourstayinNewYork?”

“It’sbeen…interesting.”Nottomentionfrustratingandhumiliating.“Betweenthebooksigningsandtheinterviewsit’sbeenanexhaustingcoupleofdays.I’mlookingforwardtogettingbacktoDallas.”

“Ihadhopedtohavetimetospeakwithyouafterthebroadcast.”“Soyoucouldrubthevictoryinmyfacemaybe?”sheasked,keepinghertonesweet.Hesmiled.“No,soIcouldtellyouwhatapleasureitwastomeetyou.Ienjoyedour

discussion.Iwasimpressed.”Sheshothimadisbelievinglook.“Couldhavefooledme.”Hejustsmiled.“Doyoustillpracticelaw?”“Notrecently,no.Thebookseemstohavedominatedmylife.”“Itakeyou’renotalitigator.”“Gee,whattippedyouoff?”Herelaxedbackinhisseatandsippedhisdrink,studyingherforalongmoment.“Icould

tellyouexactlywhatyoudidwrongduringthatinterview.Howyoulostcontrol.”Shefoldedherarmsandleanedforward,restingthemonthetable,givinghimaniceview

ofhercleavage,thankstohervery-low-cut,scoopnecksilkblouse.“Thisshouldbegood.”Hiseyesdidn’tstrayfromherface.“Youattackedme.Youspentallofyourtimetryingto

convincemethatyourwayisbetter.Thatyouropinionsholdmorecredibility.”“Isn’tthatexactlywhatyoudo?”“Quitetheopposite.Ineveroncesaidthatwhatyoubelieveiswrong.”Sheopenedhermouthtoargue,thenpaused,tryingtorememberasinglethinghe’dsaidto

debunkher.Butdamnedifhewasn’tright.Notoncehadhedirectlychallengedheropinionor

disagreedwithher.Whileshe’dbeenquicktoaccusehimofbeingold-fashionedandclosed-mindedhe’dsimplystatedhispointofviewlogicallyandcalmly.

Shehadn’tlostcontrol.She’dneverhadit.“Itisnotmygoalorintentiontopersuadepeopletoliveacardboard-cut-outlifestyle,”he

said.Sheletoutaveryuncouth,unsexysnortofdisbelief.“Thatisexactlyyourgoal.”“Idisagree.”Hewassodamnedcalmandrational.Itwasasannoyingasitwasfascinating.

“WhatIdoisgivepeopleoptions.Averybasicprincipleoffamilydynamics.Whethertheychoosetoadoptthatlifestyle,orhowtheyintegrateitintotheirownlives,inwholeorpart,isentirelyuptotheindividual.”

Asmuchasshehatedadmittingshewaswrong,andhatedbeingwrongevenmore,inhisbooks,whichshe’dgrudginglyskimmed,andtheseminarshe’drentedonDVD,shecouldn’trecallasingleincidentwhenhe’dsaidhiswaywastheonlyway.Maybethatwaswhatmadepeoplesoreceptivetohisideas.

Shetriedadifferentangle.“You’renotmarried.Infact,Ireadthatyou’veneverbeenmarried.”

“Notyet,”heagreed.“Whynot?”Heshrugged.“IguessIjusthaven’tmettherightwoman.”“Maybethat’sbecausethekindofwomanyou’relookingfordoesn’texist.”“Idon’tbelievethat.Everyonehasasoulmate.Ijusthaven’tmetmineyet.”“Consideringyourviewsonsexbeforemarriage,youmustleadavery…lonelyexistence.”“Ibelieveinwaitinguntiltherelationshipbecomesexclusiveandcommittedbeforesex.

AndthoughI’veneverbeenmarried,I’vebeeninseveralcommittedrelationships.”Heleanedforwardslightly,flashingheraplayful,sexylookthathadhertoescurlinginherspikedheels.“Verysatisfyingcommittedrelationships.”

Oh,boy,whowasdoingtheseducinghere?Ormaybehewasjustatease.Eitherway,shewashavingfartoomuchfun.Andhehadnoideawhohewasmessingwith.Consideringhisconservativeviewsonrelationships,shecouldonlyassumehewouldbeequallyconservativeinthebedroom.Givenherpreferencetobeincharge,thearrangementwouldworkwellforher.Maybeshecouldteachhimathingortwo.

Shesippedherdrink,lookingupathimthroughthefringeofherlashes.“Howcanamanwhohasneverbeenmarriedbeanauthorityonmarriage?”

“Doesapsychiatristhavetohaveschizophreniatotreatit?Doesadefenseattorneyhavetobeacriminaltorepresenthisclient?”

Themanhadananswerforeverything,didn’the?Yetitwasfascinatingtowatch,really,toseethewayhismindworked.Hewaspassionatewithoutbeingarrogant,staunchinhisviewsbutnotintolerantofheropinions.Italsodidn’thurtthathewasgorgeous,hadabodytodieforandamorethandecentsenseofhumor.

Astheychattedandsippedtheirdrinks,shefoundherselflulledbyhisvoice,trappedinthedepthsofhiseyes.Therewerewomenallaroundthembutheneversparedoneasingleglance.Hiseyeswereonheronly.Hissteadygazemadeherfeelasifsheweretheonlyoneintheuniverse.

Morethantwohoursandseveraldrinkslater,despitethefactthatshewasbeginningtofeelmorethanalittletipsy,theywerestillatit.Stilltalkinganddebating.Andallshecouldthinkaboutwasgettinghimuptoherroom,liberatinghimfromhisclothingandshowinghima

thingortwoaboutrealwomen.Whatwouldhislipsfeellike?Howwouldhetaste?Wouldhetakecharge,orwouldheliebackandletherbeincontrol?

Heryearningforrevengewasovershadowedbyamuchmorebasicinstinct.Goodold-fashionedsexualattraction.SheandZackmayhavehadcompletelyoppositeviewsonrelationships,buttheyalsohadchemistry.Alethalcombinationofhormones,pheromonesandtestosterone.

Shecouldtellthathefeltit,too.Thelongertheysatthere,themoreawareofeachothertheybecame.Awareanddistracted.Hiseyesbegantostraytohercleavage,theirgazeasintimateandexcitingasacaress,butpuresomehow.Hewatchedhermouthasshesippedherdrink,makingeverymovefeelslowandexaggerated.Seductiveandsexy.Whenhisfootbumpedhersunderthetable,shedidn’tdoubtthemovewasintentional.Insteadoffeelingviolated,shewantedtobecloser.Shebecameawareofherselfleaningintowardhimandsawthathewasdoingthesame.Asiftheybothfeltcompelledtobecloser.Thepullofattractionwasirresistible.

Haditnotbeenforthetablebetweenthemandthefactthattheywereinpublic,shedidn’tdoubtthattheywouldbewrappedaroundeachotherbynow.

Shelookedaroundandrealizedthebarhadnearlyemptied.Zacklookedathiswatch.“It’slate.”

“Uppastyourbedtime?”sheasked,attemptingtokeepateasingtone,sohewouldn’tseeherdisappointment.Hadshemisreadhissignals?Washenotasturnedonasshewas?Ordidhereallystickbytheno-sexrule?

“Iwasthinkingmaybeitwaspastyours.CouldIwalkyoutoyourroom?”Heflashedheranotheroneofthosesexysmiles,gaveheralookthatsaidhewantedtodoalotmorethanjustwalkhertoherroom,andshefeltazingofexcitementfromherscalpdowntothetipsofhertoesandsomeveryinterestingplacesinbetween.

Shehadhimrightwhereshewantedhim.Ordidhehaveher?“Ihadagoodtimetonight,”MirandatoldZackastheysteppedofftheelevatorontoher

floor.Whenthey’dbeenstandingsidebyside,she’dbeenevenmoreawareofhissize,hisimposingpresence.She’dalwaysconsideredherselfaverageinheight,butinthree-inchheelsshewasstillagoodfiveorsixinchesshorterthanhim.

Thegraceofhismovements,thesheermasculinity,washypnotizing.Thiswasamanwholookedgoodandheknewit.Yethemanagednottocomeoffasarrogant.

Howdidhedothat?Herhandsitchedtotouchhim,tounfastenthebuttonsofhisshirtandexploretheskin

underneath.Butshehadtoplaythisjustright.Shehadtobesubtle.He’dbeenaperfectgentlemaninthelobbyandwhiletheyrodeupthetwenty-twofloors

aloneintheelevator.Theonlyphysicalcontacthe’dmadewastogentlytouchherelbow.Notthatshe’dexpectedhimtoravageherinpublic.

Notthatitwouldn’thavebeenexcitingtoknowhewassotakenhecouldn’tresisther.“Ihadagoodtime,too,”hesaid,flashingheragrin.“It’srefreshingtohaveadiscussion

withsomeonewhodoesn’tagreewitheverythingIsay.”“You’redifferentthanIexpected.”“Whatdidyouexpect?”“Truthfully?Iexpectedyoutobeanarrogantmale-chauvinistpig.”

Hedidn’tlookoffended.Infact,hissmilewidened.“Youwouldn’tbethefirstpersontoaccusemeofthat.Iunderstandthatmyphilosophiescanbetoughtoswallowforsomepeople.”

“Ifit’sanyconsolation,Imaynotagreewithyourideas,butIdorespectthem.Itwouldbegreatiflifereallyworkedthatway.Unfortunately,Iknowbetter.”

Theyreachedherroomandsheduginherpurseforthekeycard,butherfingersdidn’tseemtobeworkingaswellasusual.Whenshefoundit,hepluckeditfromherfingersandunlockedthedoor.Hehelditopenandshesteppedintoherroom,turningtohimwitheveryintentionofinvitinghimin.Beforeshecouldgetawordout,he’dbackedherinside,shutthedoorandpulledherintohisarms.

Chapter2

Pressedupagainstthelong,warm,solidlengthofZack’sbody,Mirandahadnodoubtofhisattractionforher.Themanwasdefinitelyturnedon,andhewasapparentlybigallover.

Alampbesidethebedshedsoftlightintheroomandshecouldseethedesireinhiseyes.Herfirstinstinctwastoresist,topushhimaway.Hehadsteppedinandtakencontrolofasituationshe’dintendedtodirectandshefeltthetiniestbitapprehensive.Butherbodywouldn’tlistentoherhead.Shedidn’tknowifitwasthedrinksmakingherfuzzyorthetwohoursofverbalforeplayblurringhergoodsense,butshetrembledallover.Shecaughtthehintofasubtleandclean-scentedaftershavemixedwithsomefamiliarbrandofsoap,neitherofwhichcoveredhisownuniquemasculinescent.

Shehadn’texpectedthis.Shewastheonewhowassupposedtobeseducinghim.Shehadtodosomethingtowinbackthecontrol.“AllI’vebeenabletothinkabouttonightwastouchingyou,”herasped,caressingherface.

Themovewasgentleandfirmatthesametime.Thenhekissedher—deep,intenseanddisarming—andshewentlimpwithdesire.Hewasamanonamission.Heknewwhathewantedandwasn’tshyabouttakingit.

Howcouldsomethingsowrongfeelsogood?Whenitcametosexshewasalwaystheaggressor;shecalledtheshots.Thisallseemedtobemovingtoofast,yetshedidn’tmakeamovetostophim.

Shedidn’twanttostophim.Hekissedhermouth,herthroat,tastingandnippingherskin,asifhewantedtodevour

everyinchofher.Hebitherearlobehardenoughtomakehergaspwithsurpriseandherbodyshudderinecstasy.

Heshruggedoutofhisjacketandtosseditaside,butwhenshetriedtounbuttonhisshirthemanacledherwristsandheldthembehindher,backingheragainstthedoor.Amovelikethatwouldearnanyothermanaswiftkneejerktothecrotch,butnoothermanhadevermadeherfeelsowillingtoletgo.

Hetrappedbothofherwristsinonelargehandandusedtheothertounfastenthebuttonsonherblouse.Sheprobablycouldhavebrokenloose,butatthispointshedidn’twanttobefree.

Hepushedherblouseoffhershoulders.Itslippeddownherarmsandcaughtonherwrists.Shewasn’texactlylarge-busted,butherbreastssatfirmandhighandwerenicelyshaped.Withtheexceptionofherex-husband,whofoundfaultwitheverything,she’dneverheardasinglecomplaint.

ConsideringthewayZackwaslookingather,hewouldn’tbecomplaining,either.Hisassessingeyesburnedherskinlikehotcoals.She’dworkeddamnedhardforthisbody.

Sheknewshelookedgoodandheappearedtoagree.Heloweredhishead,bitingherthoughthelacyfabricofherbra,blowinghotbreathonher

skin.Shemoanedandarchedherback.“Idon’tdothis,”hesaid,lookingatherwithanintensitythatgaveherchills.“Idon’thave

affairswithwomenIjustmetandhardlyevenknow.”“Idon’t,either,”sheadmitted.“I’veneverwantedawomanthewayIwantyourightnow.”

Zack’swordsfilledherwithathrillingkindofsatisfaction.Butforallthewrongreasons.Reasonsthathadnothingtodowithrevenge.ThiswasallaboutwantingZack.Wantinghimtoravageher.Shewouldgosofarastosaysheneededhim,butshedidn’tneedanyone.

Hecuppedthebackofherthigh,draggingherskirtup,growlingwithpleasurewhenherealizedshewaswearingagarterbelt.Sinceherdivorcefromamanwhodidn’tthinksexyunderwearwas“appropriate,”she’dspenthundredsofdollarsonalltheracythingshehadneverletherwear.Itwasnicetomeetsomeonewhoappreciatedhertaste.

Zackletgoofherwristsandherblousefelltothefloor.Heunzippedherskirtandsmootheditdownherhips,leavingherinonlyascandalouslybriefandsheerbraandthongset,alacegarterbelt,blacksilkstockingsandspikeheels.She’dneverfeltsosexyinallherlife.

Hedroppedtohiskneesinfrontofherandnuzzledhisfaceagainstherbarestomach,hisbeardstubbleabradingherskin,makinghershiver.Everypartofherfeltalivewithsexualawarenessandheavywithlust.Henibbledherstomach,ranhistongueoverthetinygoldhoopinhernavel,grippingherhipsinhisbighands.

Hetuggedroughlyonherthongandshehearditripapartinhishands,butshewastooexcitedtocarethathe’druinedherfavoriteone.Hecouldripitallifthatwaswhathewanted,ifthatwouldexcitehimevenhalfasmuchashe’dexcitedher.

Herbodyfeltshakyandweak,andshetunneledherfingersthoughhishairtoholdherselfsteady.Herbreathwascomingfaster,heranticipationmounting,andwhenhefinallyburiedhisfacebetweenherthighsshecriedout.Herbodyarched,fingerstangledinhishair.Herkneesgaveout,buthecaughtherbeforeshecouldfallandhookedherlegoverhisshoulder.Shewasonthevergeofacataclysmicexplosion,thesparkssizzlingeverclosertotheendofherfuse.

Whenitreachedhercore,theexplosionsrockedthroughher.Itwassogood,soperfect,shewantedtocry.Inherlifenoonehadevermadeherfeelthisway.

Itscaredherhalftodeathandthrilledherbeyondbelief.Shewastoolimptoeventhinktwiceasheliftedheroffherfeetanddepositedheronthe

bed.Toosatedtodoanythingbutwatchasheundressed.Hisbodywasjustasamazingasshe’dthoughtitwouldbe.

Hekneltonthebedbesideherandpulledhershoesoffoneatatime,tossingthemtothefloor.Whenshereacheduptoundoherbra,hestoppedher.

“Keepiton.”Hiseyesrakingoverherashekneltbetweenherthighs.Hehookedhishandsaroundthebacksofherkneesandtuggedhercloser,thecoarsehaironhislegsticklingherskin.Hisactionsweredemandingandalmostoverpowering,yetsomehowmanagedtobetender.

Thenheclosedhiseyesandcursed,afour-letterwordshedidn’tthinkmenlikehimused.“What’swrong?”“Ijustrealized,Idon’thaveprotection.”Noprotection?Whatmaninthisdayandagedidn’tcarrycondoms?Thekindwhodidn’thavesexuntilhewasinacommittedrelationship,whichshewas

guessingtypicallytookmorethantwohoursandthreeScotchontherocks.Luckyforhimamodernwomanwasalwaysprepared.Shehadbeenanticipatingthis.“Inmypurse.”Hereachedoverandgrabbeditforher,andaftershedugacondomout,hetriedtotakeit

fromher.“Oh,no,”shesaid,rippingitopen.“Thisismyfavoritepart.”

Shewatchedhimwatchingher,theheatinhiseyesassherollediton.Thenshereachedupandthreadedherfingersbehindhisneck,pullinghimtoher,hiswarmweightsinkingherintothemattresswithoutsquashingher.Everypartofhimfeltwarmandstrongandsolid.

Hekissedher,thedeepsoul-searchingkind,whilehetorturedherwithsmallthrustsofhiships.Sheclungtohim,sinkinghernailsintohisshoulders,hisbackside,herbodyarchingwithimpatience.She’dneverfeltsooutofcontrol,sosweptawaywithlust.ItwasasifZackwantedtoseeherbegforit,wantedhertoknowshewascompletelyunderhiscontrol,andshewas.Shewoulddoanythinghewantedrightnow.Anythingheasked.

Itfrightenedheralmostasmuchasitturnedheron.Afterthat,everythingbecameamystifyingblurofintensesensation.Sightsandsounds

andfeelingsalljumbledtogetherintosomethingsooverpoweringshecouldn’tevennameit.Andwhentheyreachedthepeaktogether,sheknewherideaofwhatsexwassupposedtobehadbeeninexplicablychanged.

Thiswaswhatitfeltliketoreallyconnectwithanotherperson.Tobeseparate,butone.AndshecouldneverseeZacharyJamesonagain.Zacksatinhishomeofficeatthecomputer,wherehedidmostofhisworkthesedays,

attemptingtowritethesyndicatedmonthlycolumnthatwasdueontheeditor’sdeskbytheendoftheweek.Unfortunately,allhe’dbeenabletothinkaboutinthepasttwomonthssincehistriptoNewYorkwasMirandaReed.

Hewasn’ttypicallyattractedtostrong,independentwomen,andhe’dneversleptwithawomanonthefirstdate.Notsincecollege,anyway.Buttherewassomethingaboutherhe’dfoundimpossibletoresist,somethingthatpromptedhimtorejecthisownmoralsandputhisreputationontheline.

Amillionlittlethings,whichallwrappeduptogether,hadhimcravinghercompany,hertouch.

Buttheyhadagreed,despitetheirattraction,thattopursueanykindofrelationshipwouldbeawasteoftime.Notonlydidtheyliveathousandmilesfromeachother,theyhadconflictingbeliefsandvalues.Shewasn’tinterestedinacommitmentandhehadnodesireforashort-termrelationshipbasedsolelyonsex.

Whattheyhadwasanextremecaseofoppositesattract.Twopeoplewhohadnothingincommonbutgoodsex.

No,notgoodsex.Greatsex.Mind-blowingsex.Andabsolutelynofuturetogether.He’ddoneafairlydecentjobofconvincinghimselftheywerebothbetteroff.Buttherewasstillalittlevoiceinthebackofhismindasking,whatifhe’dmadeamistake

lettinghergo?Unfortunately,he’dfoundlisteningtothatlittlevoicetobeirrationalandill-advised.

Hisdeskphonerang.Linetwo,hisdoorman.HeonlycalledupifZackhadaguest,andhewasn’texpectinganyone.Norwasheinthemoodforcompany.

Hepickedupthephoneanyway.“Yes,Danny.”“Someoneheretoseeyou,Mr.Jameson.AMs.Reed.”Forasecondhewassurehemisunderstood.“Ms.who?”“MirandaReed,sir.ShallIsendherup?”WhatthehellwasMirandadoinginChicago?Andwhywasshehere,athisbuilding?How

didsheevenknowwherehelived?“Sir?”

Heshookoffthesuddenconfusion.“Yeah,sure.Goaheadandsendherup.”Hehungupthephoneandsatthereforasecondfeelingdazedandbewildered.Theyhadagreednottoseeeachotheragain,thensheshowsupoutoftheblueonhis

doorstep?Whatwassheupto?Whenthedoorbellchimed,herosefromhisdeskandwalkedtothefrontdoor,thewhole

situationfeelingabitsurreal.Thenherealizedhewasnervous.Nervousandexcitedtoseeher,eventhoughheknewanyrelationshipbetweenthemwould

leadtoadeadend.Unlessshe’dhadadrasticchangeofheartand,asshe’dsoaptlyphrasedit,succumbedtotheallureofthedarkside,therewasnoreasonforhertocomehere.

Hepulledopenthedoorandthereshestood,dressedcasuallyinlow-slungflaredjeans,adenimjacketandajewel-encrustedT-shirtthatrodeupjusthighenoughtoshowoffhernavelring.Shelookedyoungandsassyandhip,acompletelydifferentspinontheno-nonsensealluringwomanhe’dtakenuptoherroom.

Thewayshelookedhimupanddown,takinginhisfadedjeans,T-shirtandbarefeet,shewasprobablythinkingthesamething.

Theattraction,thesoul-deepconnectionthathe’dtriedtowriteoffasafluke,wasapparentlynoflukeafterall.Hisfirstinstinctwastotugherintohisarmsandkisshersenseless.

Itstruckhimasoddthatthey’dbeensointimate,andtheybarelyknewoneanother.Yethefeltasthoughtheywereconnectedsomehow.Heknewher,eventhoughhedidn’tknowher.

“Hi,”shefinallysaid.“Hi.”Sheshiftednervously.“So,I’llbetyou’resurprisedtoseeme.”Thatwasanunderstatement.Didshethinkshecouldbounceinandoutofhislifelikea

ping-pongball?Shefidgetedwiththebottomedgeofherjacket.“Ihopeit’snotaproblem.Mystopping

byunannounced,Imean.”Hefoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“Iguessthatdependsonwhatyouwant.”“WhatIwant?”Shelookedconfused,thenthemeaningofhiswordsseemedtosinkin.

“Oh,I’monlyheretotalk.”Hecouldn’timaginewhattheyhadlefttotalkabout.Butattheveryleast,heshouldlisten

towhatshehadtosay.Hebackedupandgesturedherinside.Shesteppedpasthim,takinginthefoyerandthelivingroomwithcuriosity.“Thepenthouse,huh?Verynice.”“Thanks.”Theystoodthereforamomentinawkwardsilence,soheasked,“CanItake

yourjacket?”“No,thanks.”Sherubbedherarmsabsently,asiffightingoffachill.“I’mnotusedtothis

coolweather.It’salothotterinMayinTexas.”“Wouldyoucareforsomethingwarmtodrink?Tea?Coffee?”“Water?”“Kitchenisthisway,”hesaid,andshefollowedhim.“Didyoujustgetintotown?”“Icamerightfromtheairport.Iapologizefordroppinginoutoftheblue.Iwouldhave

calledfirst,butthetruthis,untilIwalkedintothebuilding,Iwasn’tsureifIcouldreallydothis.”

“Buthereyouare.”“Yeah.HereIam.”

Hefilledaglasswithfilteredwaterandhandedittoher.Shebarelytookasipbeforesettingitdownonthecounter.

Sheglancednervouslyaroundtheroom,everywherebutathim.“Thisisawkward,huh?”“Yeah.Iseemtorecallthatweagreednottoseeeachotheragain.”“Iknow,”shesaid.“AndI’msorry,butthesituationhaschanged.”Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischestandleanedbackagainsttherefrigerator.“Whichsituationisthat?”Shetookadeepbreathandblewitout,thenlookedhimintheeyeandsaid,“Thesituation

thatarosewhenIfoundoutIwaspregnant.”

Chapter3

Ittookafullthirtysecondsforthemeaningofherwordstosinkin,andanotherminutetoregaintheuseofhisvocalchords.“Sayagain?”

“Iwassurprised,too.”Shewalkedacrosstheroomtothefloor-to-ceilingwindowsoverlookingtheshoreofLakeMichigan.“Beforeyouask,I’msureit’syours.Therehasn’tbeenanyoneelseinawhile.”

“Iwasn’tgoingtoask.”Thethoughthadneverevenoccurredtohim.Shedidn’tstrikehimasthetypeofwomanwhowouldtrytopinsomeoneelse’smistakeonhim.Though,itwasn’tasifheknewherallthatwell.Geographicallyhe’dmemorizedherdowntothelastdetail.Thewayherbreastsfeltcuppedinhishands,thesoftswellofherhips.Howtheirbodieshadlockedtogethertomakeaperfectfit.

Personallyandintellectually,theywerebarelymorethanstrangers.“Well,”sheasked,finallyturningtohim.“Aren’tyougoingtosayanything?”“Thetruthis,I’malittlespeechlessrightnow.”“Youmusthavequestions.”Thereweresomanyquestionsbouncingaroundinhisheadhecouldbarelymakesenseof

them.“You’vebeentoseeadoctor?You’resure?”“DoyouthinkIwouldflyallthewayherefromTexasifIwasn’tsure?”Whichledtohisnextquestion.“How?Weusedprotection.”“Ican’texplainit,either.Butifyou’reinterestedinplacingblame,goaheadandpiniton

me.”Ifherecalledcorrectly,theyhadbothbeeninthatroom,hejustaswillinglyasshe’dbeen.

“WhywouldIdothat?Itisn’tanyone’sfault.”“Actually,itis.”Sheloweredhereyes,toyingwiththehemofhershirt.“WhileIhadnoplantogetpregnant,Iwalkedintothatbarwitheveryintentionof

seducingyou.”Thecornerofhismouthquirkedup.Isthatwhatshethoughthappened?Sheseducedhim?

“Isthatso?”Shewouldn’tmeethiseye.“It’sdumbreally,butIwassomadatyouafterthatinterview,I

wantedrevenge.Iwantedawaytoproveyouwrong.Therewasobviouschemistry,soIusedittomyadvantage.Iguessthejokewasonme.”

Maybeheshouldhavebeenoffended;instead,hefeltsorryforher.Shewasbeatingherselfupoversomethingthatwasn’therfault.“Miranda,youcan’tseducesomeonewhodoesn’twanttobeseduced.Youcouldhavedancednakedonthetable,butunlessIwasinterested,itwouldn’thavegottenmeintobedwithyou.Andmaybeyou’reforgetting,butImadethefirstmove.”Hecrossedthekitchentoher,cuppingherchininhishandandliftingherfacetohim.“Let’sforgetaboutwhosefaultthisisandfigureoutwhatwe’regoingtodo.”

Shenodded,gratitudeinhereyes.Touchingherfacebroughtbackthememoryofthatnightinthehotel,rightbeforehe

kissedher.Andsincehewasthisclosetodoingitagain,helethishanddropandbackedaway.“Howlonghaveyouknown?”“Awhile.IwantedtogivemyselfacoupleofweekstoletitsinkinbeforeItoldyou.”“Andyou’rehappy?”“I’vealwayswantedchildren.Itwasjustunexpected.”

Hecouldsympathize.“Howaboutyou?”sheasked.Hewasn’tsurewhathefeltyet.Hewasstillhavingahardtimewrappinghismindaround

theconcept.He’dalwaysplannedonafamily,too,justnotlikethis.Lookslikenowhedidn’thaveachoice.

“When?”heasked.“RightaroundChristmas.”AChristmasbaby.Hewasgoingtobeafather.“ThenIguessthere’sonlyonethingwecando,”hesaid.“What’sthat?”“Wehavetogetmarried.”Mirandahadhadhershareofsurprisesinthepastcoupleofweeks.Thefirstwaswhen

she’dlookedatherdayplannerandrealizedherperiodwasaweeklate.Thesecondhadbeenwhenshe’dcountedbackthedaystohernightwithZackandrealizedthey’dslepttogetheronwhatwaslikelyhermostfertiletimeofthemonth.Herthird,andshethoughtfinal,surprisecamewhenthedoctorcalled,deliveringtheresultsofherbloodtest.

Andnoneofthemcameclosetothewhopperhe’djustlaidonher.“Ifthatwasajoke,itwasn’tfunny,”shetoldhim.Only,hedidn’tlookasifhewere

joking.She’dneverseenhimlooksodeadserious.Ofcourse,she’dneverseenhiminanythingbutasuitandtie,either.

Well,thatandnaked.“DoyoureallythinkIwouldjokeaboutsomethinglikethat?”heasked.“Idon’tknowwhattothink.Idon’treallyknowyou,Zack.Which,ifyouweren’tjoking,

isaprettygoodargumentwhyweshouldn’tgetmarried.Ihavenoobjectionstoyoubeingapartofthisbaby’slife.I’mrelievedthatyouwanttobe.Iknowthatifwetrywecanworkoutaplanwebothcanbecomfortablewith.”

“Idon’tthinkyou’relookingatthebigpicture,”hesaid,inaninfuriatinglypatienttone.Asthoughhewereaddressingachild.Oramoron.Yetsomehowhemanagednottosoundcondescending,whichwasevenmorefrustrating.Hewassodamnedsureofhimself.Soreasonable.

“ThatisallI’vebeendoingforthepastweek,”shetoldhim.“I’veweighedmyoptions.Weliveinthetwenty-firstcentury,wheresingleparenthoodisreadilyaccepted.”

“Notformeitisn’t.It’sagainsteverythingIbelieve.I’vebuiltmycareeraroundfamilyvalues.”

“AndI’vebuiltminearoundbeingamodern,independentwoman.AmIjustsupposedtomarryyouandthrowthatallaway?”

“Achildshouldgrowupwithbothparents.”“Andourbabywill.Justinseparatehouseholds.”“Ifyou’reworriedaboutmoney,I’llseethatyou’realwaystakencareof,nomatterwhat.”“Oh,no,”shesaid,shakingherheadandnarrowinghereyesathim.Hewassteppingon

verydangerousground.“Don’tevengothere.Don’tthinkforaminutethatyou’regoingtoturnmeintoSuzieHomemaker.I’veplayedthatgamebeforeandIlostbig-time.Theonlypersontakingcareofmeisme.”

“Sothisisallaboutyourcareer?”heasked,andshecouldseehispatienceslipping.Hewasgettingfrustrated.Buthestillhadn’tsomuchasraisedhisvoice.

Wouldhebelikeherex-husband?Wouldhechangeaftertheyweremarried?Wouldhestartcallingherstupidanduseless?Wouldhecomparehertowivesofhisfriends?Thingslike,“Dave’swifekeepstheirhousespotless.Whycan’tyoubemorelikeher?”or“LookhowthinMike’swifeis.Whydon’tyoulosesomeweight?”

“Well,isn’tthatthepotcallingthekettleblack,”shetoldZack.“Tellmeyou’renotthinkingaboutthejumpinbooksaleswheneveryonehearsyou’vereformedaman-hatingfeministshe-cat.”

Thecornersofhismouthquirkedup.“Someoneactuallycalledyouaman-hatingfeministshe-cat?”Sheshothimawarninglookandhewipedthesmilefromhisface.“Savingyourcareerisa

lousyreasontogetmarried.”“Andit’salousyreasonnotto.”“Youwantareasonwhyweshouldn’tgetmarried?Youdon’tlovemeandIdon’tlove

you.Wehardlyknoweachother!”“Howaboutthisforareason.”Hecuppedahandbehindherhead,threadinghisfingers

throughherhairandtiltedherfaceuptohis.Thesameaggressiveyetgentleapproachhe’dusedthatnightinthehotel.Sheknewwhathewasgoingtodo,andsheknewsheshouldstophim.Butashisheadlowered,asifshewereundersomesortofspell,hereyesslippedclosedinstead.Andwhenhislipstouchedhers,shewentweakallover.

Talkaboutapushover.Wherewashersenseofempowerment?Theoneshetalkedaboutinherbook.Theoneeverywomanwassupposedtohave.TheGod-givenright,nottomentionresponsibility,tospeakupandsayno.

Ormaybeyouhadtowanttosaynoforthattowork.Thekisswentfromsweettopassionateinthespanofaheartbeat.Hetastedlikecoffeeand

somethingsweet,andshewasthankfulforthebreathmintshe’dpoppedinhermouthonthewayoverfromtheairport.

Heslidonebighandoverherbackside,pullingherintimatelyagainsthim,andherbrainnearlyshutdownaltogether.Shefistedherhandsathersidestokeepfromtouchinghim.

Whenhefinallypulledawayhediditreluctantly,hislipslingeringoverhersforseveralseconds,hishandsslidinguptohershoulders,thendownherarmsbeforeheletgoandbackedaway.

“Reasonenough?”heasked,histonedeepandlusty.Sheattemptedareply,buthervoicecracked,sosheclearedherthroatandtriedagain.

“YouknowaswellasIdothatanimalattractionisn’tenoughtomakeamarriagework.”Hegaveherthatgrin,theonethatmanagedtobecockywithoutactuallybeingcocky.“We

connected.Youcan’tdenythat.”Shewouldn’teventryto.Andshecouldseehewasn’tgoingtobackdown.Whatdidhe

think—hewouldkissandshewouldmelt?Well,okay,maybeshehadmelted.Thatdidn’tmeanhecouldsnaphisfingersandtellher

tojumpandexpecthertoaskhowhigh.Notinthislifetime.Notevenifheaskedpolitely.“It’snotgoingtohappen,Zack.Idon’twanttomarryyou,andIdon’tthinkyouwanttomarryme,either.”

“Iwanttobeapartofmychild’slife.”“Andyouwillbe.We’llworkoutacustodyarrangementwecanbothlivewith.”“Fatherhooddoesn’tbeginwiththebirth.Iwantthewholenineyards.Iwanttohearthe

heartbeatatdoctor’sappointments.Iwantbetherefortheultrasound.

Iwantthebabytobondtothesoundofmyvoice.Itwouldbeunfairtodenymethat.”Hewasright.Thiswasasmuchhischildashers.Buthewasaskingtheimpossible.Shetookaseatatthekitchentable,suddenlyfeelingexhausted.Shethoughttellinghim

wouldbearelief,thatitwouldlifttheweightthathadbeenrestingonhershoulders.Nowshecouldseethatithadonlyopenedthedoortomoreproblemsthatwouldneedsolvingbeforeshegotbacktoherlife.“Howcanwedothat?Weliveathousandmilesapart.”

“Wehaveonlyonechoice.”Hepulledoutthechairnexttohersandspunitaround,straddlingtheseat,hisarmsrestingonthelowback.Itwastoughtoreconcilethememoryoftherelationshipgurushe’dsparredwithontheradio,withtherealmansittingthereinjeans,aT-shirtandbarefeet.Helookedsonormal.

“I’mallears,”shesaid.“Oneofuswillhavetorelocate.”Ofcourse,thatwouldbethelogicalsolution.Andshecouldjustimaginewhichofthemhe

expectedtopulluprootsandmovehalfwayacrossthecountry.Butshewasinthemiddleofwritingabook.Shehadpilesofresearchandreferencebooks

inherhomeofficethatsheneededaccessto.Shehadanobstetriciansheloved.Therewassimplynowayshecoulduprootherentireliferightnow.

Andshewassurethatwasn’twhatMr.I-Want-To-Be-A-Part-Of-My-Child’s-Lifewantedtohear.

“Sincemylectureschedulewillfrequentlybetakingmeontheroad,anyway,”hecontinued,“itmakessensethatImovetoTexas.”

Huh?Shewastoodumbfoundedtospeak.Shemusthaveheardhimwrong.“Youwouldrelocatetobeclosetome?”shesaid,toconfirmexactlywhathewassaying.“Temporarily,yes.Atleastuntilthebabyisafewmonthsold.”Nowayitcouldbethatsimple.Hehadtohavesomethinguphissleeve.Therehadtobe

somesortofconditiontogoalongwithhisseeminglygenerousoffer.“What’sthecatch?”Heshrugged.“Nocatch.”Shenarrowedhereyesathim.“I’msupposedtobelievethatyou’rewillingtomoveacross

thecountrytobeclosertomeandyouexpectnothinginreturn?”“Letmeguess.Yourex-husbandwasn’tsowillingtocompromise?Orwasitan

overbearingfather?”Both,actually,butthatwasnoneofhisbusiness.Sheshothimalook.“Don’tshrinkme.”Hereciprocatedwithoneofthosecocky,butnotreallycocky,looks.Howdidhedothat?

“Ipromisenottoshrinkyou,ifyoupromisenottomakeassumptionsbasedonexperiencesyou’vehadwithmenwhoaren’tme.”

Touché.Shehadtohandittohim,ifnothingelsehewasdirect.Andfair.“AllI’maskingfor,Miranda,isyourtime.I’dlikeustogettoknoweachother.Youmay

besurprisedtofindthatI’mnotsuchabadguy.”Maybethatwaswhatshewasworriedabout.Shedidn’twanttoknow.Shedidn’twantto

betempted.Herhusbandhadseemedlikeaniceguy,too,andlookwhatadisasterthathadturnedouttobe.

Butitwouldbeincrediblyunfairtodenyhimtheopportunitytobeapartofherpregnancyduetoherownfeelingsofinsecurityandself-doubt.

Oh,great,nowshewasshrinkingherself.Andshewasalawyerforheaven’ssake!

“Wherewouldyoustay?”sheasked.“I’llfindarental.Preferablyoneclosetoyourplace.”Herpracticalside,theonethathadlivedforfiveyearswithahusbandwhokeptherona

strictmonthlyallowancedespitealucrativelawpractice,cringed.“Won’tthatbeexpensive?”Heshrugged,asifitdidn’tmattereitherway.Andwhywouldit?Theguywasanempire.

HehadproducedalibraryofDVDs,writtenhalfadozenbooksthathadbecomeinstantbestsellers,andshecouldjustimaginewhathemadeonthelecturecircuitfillingcountlessauditoriumstocapacity.

Theareawhereshelivedwascomfortable,butnotexactlyupscale,whichwouldprobablybewhathewaslookingfor,butthereweredevelopmentsnotfarfromherthatwouldprobablysuithim.Complexeswithpenthouseapartmentsandluxurycondos.Andshewasonlyatwenty-minutedrivefromdowntownDallas.Hewoulddefinitelyfindsomethingcushyenoughthere.

“I’msureyoucouldfindsomethingcloseby,”shesaid.Hereachedbehindhimforthepadofpaperandpensittingnexttothephoneandhanded

themtoher.“WritedownyouraddressandI’llhavemyassistantlookintoit.Iguessyoushouldprobablyincludeyourphonenumberwhileyou’reatit.SoIcanreachyou.”

Shewashavinghisbaby,andhedidn’tevenknowherphonenumber.Thiswastooweird.Thekindofthingshereadaboutinbooksorsawontelevisiondramas.

Thiskindofthingwasn’tsupposedtohappeninreallife.Especiallynottoher.Asshejottedtheinformationdownshewonderedwhattheheckshewasgettingherself

into.Everythingwasmovingsofast,andfeltso…final.Shehadbeenhopinghewouldwanttobeinvolvedwiththebaby.Weekendvisitationatbest.

Buthewantedtobeinvolved.Shedidn’tknowifshewasreadyforthis.Shehadconsiderednottellinghimaboutthebaby,butshedidn’tdoubtherpregnancy

wouldeventuallyreachthemedia.Zackwasasmartguy.Itwouldtakeonlyaverysimpleequationforhimtodeterminethebabywashis.

Andforallhertalkofbeingmodernandindependent,shestillknewrightfromwrong.Sure,shecouldraisethebabyalone.Shehadthefinancialmeans.Buttodenythechilda

relationshipwithitsfather,andviceversa,wouldn’tberight.Itwasamootpointnow.Shewashereanditwasadonedeal.Shehandedthepaperbacktohim.“Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthemedia?I’m

assumingyouwouldpreferthisnotgetout.”“Howdoyoufeelaboutthat?”heasked,soundinganawfullotlikeashrink.“Iunderstand.Idon’texpectyoutojeopardizeyourreputationforthesakeofmyfeelings.

AndI’mnotexactlylookingforwardtothemediaattention,either.Iwon’tsayanythingifyoudon’t.”“Deal,”heagreed.“So,whenarewetalking?I’mguessingsoon.”“AssoonasI’mable.Whenisyournextdoctorappointment?”“Threeweeks.”Hecursedunderhisbreath.“I’llbeinCaliforniafortendays.”“Thisearly,youwon’tbemissingmuch.”“ThenIguessI’lltakethenextcoupleofweekstotieupsomelooseends,andbeinTexas

aftermyCaliforniatrip.Thatwouldbe,what?FourthweekinJune?”

Amonthseemedsofaraway,andatthesametimeitwasn’tlongenough.Apreciousmonthleftofherprivacy.Herfreedom.“Thisisallso…surreal.Imean,wehardlyknoweachother.We’restrangers.”

Andifthatwastrue,whydidshefeelasthoughsheknewhimsomehow?“Sothiswillgiveusplentyoftimetogetacquainted.”Maybethatwaswhatshewasworriedabout.She’dlearnedfromonetoomanydisastrous

relationshipsnottotrustherownjudgmentwhenitcametofindingthewrongkindofman.Becausethewrongkindofmanforher,unfortunately,wasthekindofmanshewasusuallyattractedto.

Chapter4

“Anotherfurniturestoretruckjustpulledup,”Lianne,Miranda’snext-doorneighbor,calledfromherperchonthecouchbythefront-roomwindow.ShehadbeensittingthereforthepasttwentyminutesgivingMirandaablow-by-blowoftheactivitygoingonatthecondoacrossthestreet.

Mirandastoodaroundthecornerinthekitchen,fixingherselfacupofteaandaplateofsaltines,hopingitmighteasethenauseabrewinginherstomach.

Thiswasthethirdmorninginarowthatshe’dwokenfeelingsick.Sheknewthattechnically,morningsicknesswasagoodthing.Itmeantherbodywas

producingenoughhormonestosustainahealthypregnancy.Thatdidn’tmakeherfeelanybetterwhenshewaskneelingtotheporcelaingods,yackingupherbreakfast.Fromnowonitwasteaandcrackerseverymorninguntilherstomachsettled.

“They’reunloadingthefurniture!”Liannesquealed.Shewaslikethiswheneversomeonenewmovedintothecomplex.Freshmeat,shelikedtosay.

LikeMiranda,shewasdivorced.Bitterlydivorced.Butalwaysinthemarketforatemporarydistraction.She’ddivorcedhermostrecenttemporarydistractionthreemonthsago.

“Sofarsogood,”shereported.“Nothingkidrelated.Notoysorbabyfurniture.Nothingtoofeminine,either.Couldbeasingleman.”Thekettlebegantowhistle,andshepouredboilingwaterintohercup.“Youknowthatthe

firstruleofdatingistonevergetinvolvedwithaneighbor,”shecalledback.Lianneknew.She’dreadMiranda’sbook.Butshestillslippedbackintoheroldwaysfrom

timetotime.Henceherthreeex-husbands—thelatestofwhomstilllivedaroundthecorner.“There’snoharminlooking,”shecalledback.Mirandacarriedherteaandcrackersintothefrontroom.Shesetthemonthecoffeetable

andeasedherselfintothereclinerwhereshe’dbeenspendingmostofhermorningssackedoutinherpajamasinfrontofthetelevision.

Liannesatcurleduponthecouchacrosstheroom,hernosepracticallytouchingthewindow.“Don’tyouwanttosee?”

Mirandadidn’tcareaboutanythingbutmakingthenauseagoaway.“I’lllookwhenIcansafelymove.”

ShemomentarilypeeledhereyesfromthewindowtoshootMirandaasympatheticlook.“Stillfeelingsick,huh?”

“It’llpass,”shesaid,nibblingtheedgeofacracker.Itwasacatch-22.Ifshedidn’teat,shefeltsicker,andifsheatetoomuch,thatwasevenworse.

Thetrickwasfindingjusttherightbalance.Sofar,noluck.“Justbehappyyou’renotlikeIwaswithBrandon,”Liannesaid,referringtohernineteen-

year-oldson,whowascurrentlyinHoustonattendingcollege.“SickasadogfromthedayIgotpregnanttotheminutehewasborn.”Sheturnedbacktothewindow.“Oh,crud.Wehavebabystuff.They’reunloadingaboxwithwhatlookslikeacrib…yepit’sacrib,allright.Andherecomesthechangingtable.”

“It’llbenicetohaveanewfamilyinthecomplex.”Mirandaplacedahandoverherstill-flatstomach.“Someoneforthebabytoplaywithwhenheorsheisoldenough.”

Liannesighedandturnedfromthewindow.“Haveyoudecidedifyouwanttofindoutthebaby’ssexbeforehand?”

“I’mnotsureyet.Ononehand,Iloveagoodsurprise,ontheother,IcouldbemorepreparedifIknew.”

“Whataboutthebaby’sfather?Doeshewanttoknow?”LianneknewthebasiceventssurroundingMiranda’spregnancy,butnottheidentityofthe

maninvolved.Nooneknew.Mostpeople,includingMiranda’sfamily,didn’tevenknowshewaspregnant.

Sheknewexactlywhatpeoplewouldsay,whatherfamilywouldthink,andwhileshehadstoppedplayingbytheirrulesalongtimeago,shejustdidn’thavetheenergytodealwiththemrightnow.Shewasgivingherselfpermissiontobeselfishforawhile.

Mirandasippedhertea.“Wehaven’tdecidedyet.”Andnotforlackofdebate.SinceherreturnfromChicagonearlyamonthago,she’d

spokentoZackdaily.Hisinsatiablecuriositysometimeskeptthemonthelineforanhourormore.Andthoughatfirstshefigureditwouldrapidlybecomeannoying,nowshedidn’tmindsomuch.Afterall,whatexpectantwomandidn’tlovetalkingaboutherpregnancy?

“Well,Ithinkit’sprettycoolthathe’smovinghereallthewayfromChicagotobeclosetoyou.Ican’twaittomeethim.”

Whichcouldbeaproblem.Especiallyiftheyplannedtokeepthisfromthemedia.Zackwasanempire.Ifhecametohercondo,someonewasboundtorecognizehim,andeventually,someonewouldtalk.

Themoreshethoughtaboutit,themorecomplicateditwassounding.“Thewomanwethoughtwasthedecoratorisback,”Liannesaid,nosetothewindow

again.“Shemustbethewife,althoughIdon’tseeababyanywhere.”Mirandasetherhalf-fullcupdown.She’dmanagedthatandtwocrackers.Sheleanedher

headbackandclosedhereyes,waitingforthesicknesstopass.“We’vegotablackcarpullinguptothecurb.Holycow.It’svintage.AMustang,Ithink.

Inmintcondition.Andit’saguybehindthewheel.”Mirandarockedgently,onlyhalflistening.Shewasstartingtofeelbetter.Thecrackersand

teawereworking.“He’sgettingout.Wow.Talkabouttall,darkandhandsome,”Liannesaidwistfully.“And

he’sgotabodytodiefor.Comehere,youneedtoseethisguy.”“Notyet.”Shecouldn’tmoveyet.Ifshegotuptoosoon,shewouldjustgetsickallover

again.Andhonestly,shedidn’tcarewhatthenewfamilyacrossthestreetlookedlike.“He’sgottobeatleastsix-one.Maybeeventaller.He’swearingabaseballcap,butIcan

tellhishairisshortanddark.Darkbrown,Ithink.He’swearingcut-offjeans,aT-shirtandsandals.Verycasual.I’mguessingmidtwenties.Thirtytops.”

Shecouldfeelthenauseasubsiding.Littlebylittle.“Hiswifejustcameoutside.They’rechatting.Youwouldthinkhewouldgiveherakissor

hugorsomething.”“Maybehedoesn’tlikepublicdisplaysofaffection,”Mirandasaid,feelingobligatedto

contributetotheconversation.SheactuallyappreciatedLianne’smorningvisits.Ithelpedkeephermindoffhowmiserableshefelt.

AwriterlikeMiranda,sheworkedfromahomeoffice,soitwasn’tuncommonforhertodropbythreeorfourtimesaday.Sometimes,whenshedevelopedacaseofwriter’sblock,she

wouldevenbringherlaptopoverandsetupshoponMiranda’scouch.Sheclaimedthechangeofatmospherewouldsometimesgetthecreativejuicesflowing.

“He’ssmiling,”Liannereported.“Oh,yeah,he’sahunk.Majorbeefcake.”Theword“beef”madeMiranda’sstomachlurch.“IwishhewouldlosetheshadessoIcouldseehiseyes.Andwhat’sthis?Holdthe

phones…he’skissinghercheek!Verybriefandpolite.Nowaythiswomanishiswife.”“Thatdoesn’tmeanhedoesn’thaveone,”Mirandapointedout.“Maybeshe’salready

insideunpacking.”“She’shandinghimsomething.KeysIthink.Nowshe’sgoingbackinsidethecondo.The

beefcakeislookingaround,scopingoutthecul-de-sac.”Mirandafoughtthebilerisingupfromherstomach.“Ifyousaybeefonemoretime,I’m

goingtohurl.”“Nowhe’slookingacrossthestreet…oh,damn,IthinkI’vebeendiscovered.”“Servesyouright,”Mirandasaid,notopeninghereyes.“That’swhatyougetforbeing

nosy.”“I’mnotnosy.I’mobservant.Andlet’snotforgetwhosewindowI’mlookingoutof.He’ll

probablyjustassumeit’syou.”Swell.Justwhatsheneeded,hernewneighborsthinkingshewasasnoop.“He’swalkingbacktohiscar…nowait,hewalkedpastit,andhe’scrossingthestreet.

He’scomingthisway.”“That’snotfunny,”Mirandasaid.“I’mnottryingtobefunny.He’sreallycrossingthestreet.And,ohmyGod,heisahunk.

OlderthanIthought,though.Morelikehismidthirties.”Ateeny,tinyalarmranginherhead.Tall,midthirties,ahunk.Noway.“Nowhe’swalkingupyourdriveway.”Thealarmgrewlouder,orwasitjustaringinginherears?Shewasstartingtofeellight-

headed.“I’mnotbuyingit,Lianne.”“He’swalkingupthestepstotheporch…”Surehewas.Liannewasjustmessingwithherhead.Shelikedtodothat.“…stoppingtolookattheflowersintheurn.Pickingoneoftheflowers!Boydoesthisguy

havenerve.”Shewoulddragthisoutaslongashumanlypossible.“Steppinguptothedoor…”Thedoorbellrang.Miranda’seyesflewopen.Liannewaslookingather.“Well?Aren’tyougoingtogetit?”Mirandalookeddownatherattire.“I’minmypajamas.Ihaven’tevenbrushedmyteeth

yet.”“Okay,”Lianne,saidwithasigh,risingfromthecouch.“I’llgetit.”Asshewalkedtothefrontdoor,Miranda’snauseareturnedfullforce.Hewasprobably

justcomingbytousethephone,orborrowsugar.Shewassureshedidn’tknowhim.AsLiannereachedforthedoorknobMirandasqueezedhereyesshut,asifnotseeingit

wouldn’tmakeitreal.Butshehadabadfeelingaboutthis.

Thebilewasrisingagain.Workingit’swayup,burningapaththroughtheliningofherthroat.

Sheheardthedooropen,heardadeepvoice.Hisvoice.“I’mlookingforMirandaReed,”itsaid.“CanItellherwhoyoumightbe?”Lianneasked,hervoicestern,yetcurious.“Tellherit’sZack.”Zackhadheardofpeopleturninggreen,butalwaysassumeditwasafigureofspeech.Itwasn’t.WhenhewalkedintoMiranda’scondoandsawhersittingthere,shelookedlikethe

creaturefromthegreenlagoon.Itwasthefirsttimeanyonehadlookedathim,thenpromptlyruntothebathroomtotoss

theircookies.“Feelingbetternow?”heaskedfromthebathroomdoorway.Mirandagroaned.Shehalfsat,halfsprawledonthetilefloorwearingpinksilkpajamas,herarmsdraped

overthebowl.Herlong,darkhairwaspulledbackbutafewwispystrandsstucktoherforeheadandcheek.“Someonekillmenow.”

“IsthereanythingIcangetyou?”Shemoanedandlaidherheadonherarm.“Haveyougotagun?”Thatonemadehimsmile.“Iwasthinkingmorealongthelinesofadampclothoraglass

ofwater.”Shegazedupathim,hereyeswateryandbloodshot.“Iknowexactlywhatyou’re

thinking.”“WhatamIthinking?”“You’relookingatmenow,rememberingwhenyouproposed,andsayingtoyourself,

thankGodshesaidno.”Shecouldn’tbemorewrong.“WhywouldIbethinkingthat?”“I’veseenmyreflectioninthetoiletbowl.Youcan’ttellmeIdon’tlooklikeabeast.”“I’venevermetanyonewholooksgoodhangingoveratoiletbeingsick.Ipromisenotto

holditagainstyou.”“WhathappenedtoLianne?”“Sheleft.Shewantsyoutocallherwhenyou’refeelingbetter.”Mirandajustbetshedid.Shehadtobegoingnutsovertherewonderingwhattheheckwas

goingon.“Doessheknowwhoyouare?”“ItoldherI’mafriendofyoursfromChicago.”“Yep,sheknows.”“Whatdoessheknowexactly?”“Thatyou’rethebaby’sfather.Shejustdoesn’tknowwhoyouare.Atleast,Ihopeshe

doesn’t.”Shesatupandtookafewshallowbreaths.“IthinkI’mfeelingbetternow.”“Youreadytogetup?”“Ithinkso.”Hesteppedintothebathroomandheldoutahandtogiveheraboostfromthefloor.She

grabbeditandroseslowlytoherfeet.Shewaveredasecond,grippinghisfingers.“Wheredoyouwanttogo?”heasked.

“Therecliner.”

Withahandrestingonherlowerbackforstability,hewalkedherouttothechair.Shesatdown,leanedbackandclosedhereyes.Shewasn’tlookingsogreenanylonger.Itwasthefirsttimehe’dseenherwithnomakeup,andhesortoflikedherwithoutit.Shelookedsofter.Andyounger.Maybeevenalittlebitvulnerable.

Andheintendedtotakecareofher.Thiswasexactlywhathe’dmeantwhenhetoldherhewantedtobeinvolved.Hewantedtobeapartoftheentireprocess.

Eventheunpleasantparts.Henoticedhercuponthetable.“Wouldyoulikemoretea?”“Youdon’thavetotakecareofme.”“IknowIdon’t.”Forasecondhethoughtshemightargue,thenshemusthavedecidedshedidn’thavethe

energy.“Teawouldbegreat.Withateaspoonofhoney.”Eyesstillclosed,shegesturedinthedirectionofthekitchen.“It’sinthecabinetabovethecoffeemaker.”

Hegrabbedhercupfromthetable.“I’llfindit.”Liketherestofthecondo,thekitchenwasverycleanandorganized.Thatwasonething

theyobviouslyhadincommon.Clutterdrovehimnuts.Hismotherneverhadtimeforhousework.She’dworkedlonghours,andwhenshefinallydidgethome,cookingandcleaningwereprettylowonherlistofpriorities.

Shewouldopenabottleofwine,parkherselfinfrontofthetelevisionandchain-smokeuntilhisfathergothome.Howmuchshedrankdependedonhowlatehewasout.Hehadalotofevening“meetings”andoftendidn’tbreezeinuntilaftermidnight.

Sometimesitwasonebottle,othernightstwo.Onagoodnight,shewouldpassoutbeforehisfatherreturned,sparingZackandhisyoungerbrotherRichardfrombeingjoltedawaketothesoundofraisedvoices.Tohearhismother’sslurredaccusations,andhisfather’shalfhearted,lameexcuses.

Onabadnight,thepolicegotinvolved.Hismother’ssecondandthirdmarriageshadn’tbeenmuchbetter.Heputthekettleon,dumpedoutthestaleteaandfixedherafreshcup.Whenhewalked

backintothefamilyroomshelookedmuchbetter.Infact,hewouldgosofarastosayshewasglowing.Hercheekswererosyandhereyesbright.Shelooked…maternal.

Hehandedherthecup,makingsureshehadasteadygripbeforelettinggo.“Youlookasthoughyou’refeelingbetter.”

“Iam.”Shesippedtheteaandsmiled.“It’sperfect.Thanks.”Hetookaseatonthecouchandglancedoutthewindow.Themovingvanwasstillthere,

butTaylor,hissister-in-lawandrelocationcoordinator,assuredhimshewouldhaveeverythinginorderbylunchtime.

Mirandatookanothersipofherteaandsetthecupdown.“Niceplaceacrossthestreet.”“Verynice,”heagreed.Smallerthanhewasusedto,butitwouldsuffice.“Tellmeyoudidn’treallyjustmovethere.”Unfortunatelyhecouldn’tdothat.“ItoldyouIwantedtobecloser.”“Yeah,butrightacrossthestreet?Areyounuts?”“NotthelasttimeIchecked.”“We’vetalkedeverydayforamonthandyouneveroncethoughttomentionit?Iwas

thinkingyouwouldmovetoDallas,orFortWorth,even.Ithoughtyouwouldatleasthavetogetinthecaranddrivetoseeme.Thiscouldbeincredibly…awkward.”

“Itdoesn’thavetobe.”Itwasn’tasifhehadn’texpectedthis.Heknewtherewouldbeanadjustmentperiodwhileshegrewusedtotheideaofhavinghimaround.Hedidn’tdoubtthateverythingwouldworkout.Giventime,shewouldseethingshisway.

Shemayhavebeenstrongwilledanddetermined,butsowashe.“That’seasyforyoutosay,”shesnappedback.“Yougettoleavewheneveryouwant.You

cangobacktoChicagoorlecture.I’mstuckhere.Allmywork,allmyresearchmaterialisinthishouse.”

“YoumakeitsoundasthoughI’mholdingyouprisoner.AndIdohavetopointoutthatrightnow,youcouldusemyhelp.Atleastuntilthemorningsicknesspasses.”

Shedidn’tlookconvinced.“Youdon’tthinkitwillbeweird,uslivingsoclose?”Acrossthestreetwasn’tcloseenoughasfarashewasconcerned.Hewasdetermined,by

thetimethisbabywasborn,toconvincehertomarryhim.Preferablysoonerthanlater.Theonlywayhecoulddothatwastospendasmuchtime

withheraspossible.Hehadeveryintentionofseducingher,aswell,althoughthatpartoftheplanmighthave

towaituntilshewasfeelingbetter.“Youshouldhavetalkedtomeaboutthisfirst,”shesaid.“Weshouldhavediscussedit.”“Wediddiscussit.IsaidIwasmovingcloser,yousaidokay.Infact,atthetime,Ithought

yousoundedrelievedthatIwastheonedoingtherelocating.”Hecouldseethatshewantedtoarguebutcouldn’tdenyhewasright.Shehadbeen

relieved.Andhadheusedthattohisadvantage?Maybeso,buthewasonlydoingwhatwasbestforherandthebaby.Sheneededhimaround,evenifshewasn’twillingtoadmitityet.

Instead,shetriedadifferentangle.“Ithoughtyouwantedtokeepthisquiet.Youdon’tthinkpeoplearegoingtoseeustogetherandcatchon?”“Thehouseisunderadifferentname,andIhavemydisguise.”Hepluckedthesunglasses

fromthefrontofhisshirtandputthemonthenhetuggedthebaseballcaplowoverhiseyes.“See.”

“Istillrecognizeyou.”Heignoredhercynicism.“OnceIletmybeardgrowout,noonewillknowwhoIam.”“Youlookthatdifferentwithabeard?”“You’dbesurprised.”Shedidn’tlookasthoughshebelievedhim.“Whatwillyoudowhenyoulecture?”“ShaveitoffbeforeIleave,thengrowitbackwhenI’mhome.”“Isthecarpartofthedisguise,too?YouseemmorelikeaMercedeskindaguy.”“Youlikeit?ItwasmydreamcarwhenIwaskid.Ithoughtitwouldfitwiththepersona.”Sheclosedhereyesandsighed,asifgatheringherpatience.“Howlongisyourlease?”“Onthecar?”“No,onthehouse.”“I’mnotleasingit.”Hereyesopened.“Renting?”Heshookhishead.“Iboughtit.Ifigure,afterthebabyisbornI’llneedaplacetostay

whenIcometovisit.Whatbetterplacethanacrossthestreet?”Ittookheraminutetodigestthatone,andhecouldswearshewasstartingtolookalittle

greenagain.Wastheideaofhavinghimaroundreallysorevolting?Orwasitthatshefeltherindependencewasbeingthreatened?

“Wouldn’tyouratherhavesomethingbigger?Somethinginahigher-classneighborhood?I’msurethere’sapenthouseapartmentinDallaswithyournamewrittenalloverit.”

“ButIdon’twanttoliveinDallas.”Thetruthwashehadnointentionofstayinginthecondoanylongerthannecessary.He’dboughtitmoreasagestureoffaith.

Soshewouldunderstandthathewasserious.WhenheleftTexas,whetherthatwasbeforeorafterthebabywasborn,hehadevery

intentionoftakingMirandawithhim.Evenifhecouldn’ttalkherintomarryinghim,hewantedherandhischildclose.HewouldfindsomewaytotalkherintomovingtoChicago.

Andifthatdidn’twork,hemightjustbelookingforamorepermanentresidenceinTexas.MaybethatpenthouseinDallasshementioned.

Throughouthischildhood,hisfatherhadbeeninvisible,andZackcouldn’tdenyithadleftdeepscars.Zackplannedtobearoundforhissonordaughter.Hewouldbetheretoseeeverynewtoothandhearthefirstwords.Hewouldbearoundtokissscrapedkneesandwipeawaytears.Hewouldbethedadwhowalkedhischildtoschoolandattendedbandconcerts.

Forhimitwasnoimposition,unlikehisfather,whosawhisdutytohisfamilylikealeadanchorweighinghimdown.

Giventhetimeandlotsofpatience,hewasquitesurehewouldwearMirandadown.Therewasnootheroption.Eventuallyhewouldconvinceherthathiswaywastherightway.

Chapter5

Miranda’seyesflutteredopen.Thecurtainsweredrawnandtheroomdim,andthethrowfromthebackofthecouchhadbeendrapedoverherlegs.

Shemusthavedozedoff.Shesatupandrubbedthesleepfromhereyes.Forasecond,shethoughtithadallbeena

crazydream.Oranightmare.MaybeZackreallyhadn’tmovedinacrossthestreet.Butbesideheronthetablesatacoldcupofteaandnexttothatwasanotethatread:

“Acrossthestreetifyouneedme.”He’dincludedhiscellphonenumber,homenumberandaddress.Asifshecouldforgetwherehelived.

Sheesh!Itlookedasthoughthisparticularnightmarewasjustbeginning.Shehadfallenintothistrapmorethanonce,herlifesubjugatedbyoverbearing,controlling

men.Firstwithherfatherandbrothers,andthenherex-husband.Ithadn’tbeeneasyclawingherwayoutfromundertheircollectivethumbs.Butshewasstrongernow.

SheneededtotellZack,innouncertainterms,thatshewouldbetheonecallingtheshotsthistime.

Shesatverystillforamoment,tryingtogaugethelevelofnausea.Alittletwingemaybe,butnothingshecouldn’thandle.Veryslowly,andwithgreatcaution,shesatup.Andherstomachgrowled.Shewasactuallyhungry,meaningthatfortoday,atleast,theworstofithadpassed.

Shefixedherselfafewslicesoftoastandafreshcupoftea.Whenshemanagedtokeepthatdownwithoutincident,sheaddedfruitandcottagecheesetoherplate.

Afterward,shetookahotshowerandgotdressed.Sheconsideredworkingforawhile,butsheknewshewouldgetnothingaccomplisheduntilshesettledthingswithhernew“neighbor.”

Shedebatedwithherselfabouttakingthetimetoapplymakeup,thendecidedshedidn’thavetheenergy.Itwasn’tasthoughZackhadn’tseenherlookingworse.

Andbesides,shehadnoreasontoimpresshimortrytosoftenhimup.Onthecontrary,hewasgoingtolearnthatshewasnotawomantomesswith.

Atleast,notanymore.Itwasnearly2:00p.m.bythetimeshesteppedoutthedoor.Sheconsideredpoppingin

nextdoorforasecond,butshehadn’tquitedecidedwhatshewantedtotellLianne.Besides,avoidingthesituationwithZackwasn’tboundtomakeitgoaway.

Instead,shecrossedthestreet.Thesummersunbeatdown,hotandruthless,andshecouldswearshefeltsteamrisingfromherstill-damphair.Sweatbeadedherupperlipbythetimeshereachedhisdriveway.

Themovingvanwasgone,andZack’ssecondhandcarsatinthestreet.Shesteppeduptotheporchandknockedonthedoor.Frominsideshecouldheartheheavybeatofmusicandthemuffledwhineofaguitarriff.

Shecheckedtheaddresstobesureshehadn’taccidentallywalkeduptothewrongdoor.Hedidn’tstrikeherasthehard-rocktype,buttherewereprobablyalotofthingsthatshedidn’tknowabouthim.

Itwasagoodthinghisnext-doorneighborsbothworkedduringtheday.Thewallshereweren’texactlysoundproof.

Whenhedidn’tanswer,shetriedringingthebell.

Thedooropened,andinsteadofZack,thewomanMirandahadseencomingandgoingregularlyforthepasttwoweeksstoodthere.

“CanIhelpyou?”sheasked.Shewastall,wispyandbeautifulinasoft,delicateway.Likeafragileflower.Yetpoisedandsturdysomehow.

MirandahadthesuddennightmarishrealizationthatthiswomancouldbeZack’sgirlfriend.Or…gulp…hiswife.Maybeoneofmany.

Whatifhehadwomenalloverthecountry?Agirlineveryporthevisitedonthelecturecircuit.Forallsheknewhecouldhaveillegitimatekidsallovertheplace,too.

Asrapidlyastheideaformed,itevaporatedawayintotheheat.Whatmanwouldbedumbenoughtobringhisgirlfriendtothehouseacrossthestreetfrom

hispregnantmistress?Oh,God.Isthatwhatshewas?Someone’smistress?Hadshesunkthatlow?Recognitionlitthewoman’sface.“YoumustbeMiranda.”“Yes,but—”Withadelightedlittlegaspandawarmsmile,shegraspedMiranda’shandsandsqueezed

them.“Howwonderfultofinallymeetyou!Comeinside!It’shotasthedeviloutthere.Idon’tknowhowyouTexanscanstandit.”

SheallbutdraggedMirandaoverthethreshold,butMirandawastoostunnedtoresist.Whotheheckwasshe?AndwhydidsheknowwhoMirandawas?Wasn’tthissupposedtobeacovertoperation?Asecret?Whybotherwithadisguiseifhewasgoingtogotellingeveryonewherehewas?

“I’mTaylorJameson,”shesaid.“Jameson?”Hissister?Or,oh,God,maybeshewashiswife.Maybehisrelationship-guru

personawasjustafront,andintruthhewassomesortoftwistedcultleader.Abigamist.TaylormusthaverecognizedMiranda’sabjecthorror,becausesheadded,“Zack’ssister-

in-law.”Mirandabreathedasighofreliefandplasteredasmileonherface.“Nicetomeetyou.”“ItakeitZacknevermentionedme.”Mirandadidn’tknowwhattosay.Shedidn’twanttohurtTaylor’sfeelings,butreallyall

sheknewaboutZackwasthathehadonebrother.Whentheytalkeditwasusuallyaboutthepregnancyorwork.Rarelydidtheygetpersonal.

“It’sokay,”Taylorsaid.“Zackisaveryprivateperson.”“I’mbeginningtonoticethat.”Apparently,Zacktrustedhertokeepthesituationinconfidence.IfTaylorevenknewwhat

thesituationswas.WhathadZacktoldher?“Aren’tyoujustadorable!”shesaid,lookingMirandaupanddown,stillclutchingher

hands,hergripfirmyetdelicate.Normallyacommentlikethatwouldhavecomeoffascondescending,butTaylorwassoexcited,thewordsfeltgenuine.“I’vebeenpumpingZackforinformation,butyouknowhowmencanbe.”

Thatlackofinformationhadtobetheexplanationforherenthusiasm.Hadsheknownthetruth,Mirandadoubtedshewouldbesowarmandfriendly.Shewonderedwhatshedidknow.Ormoretothepointwhatshedidn’tknow.

“Iwantedtointroducemyselfsooner,butZackmademepromisenotto.Hewantedyoutobesurprisedwhenhemovedin.”

Oh,didhe?Well,he’dsucceeded.“I’mdefinitelysurprised.”

“MaybeI’mbeingtooforward,butIwouldabsolutelylovetothrowyouababyshower.”Ashower?So,sheknewaboutthebaby.Mirandaopenedhermouthtorespond,butshedidn’tknowwhattosay.Weren’tthey

gettingaheadofthemselves?Shehadbarelygottenusedtotheideathatshewaspregnant.Thiswasallmovingwaytoofast.Shecouldalmostfeelthewallsclosinginonher.That

sickeningsensationofclaustrophobia.“IfI’moversteppingmyboundaries,justsayso.Itendtodothat.Ijustloveplanning

parties.AndIlovebabiesevenmore.”Outside,acarhornsoundedandsheletgoofMiranda’shands.“Oh,damn,that’smyride!

Iwashopingwewouldhavemoretimetochat,butIhaveaflighttocatch.Richardisanxioustomeetyou,too,sowe’llprobablybeintownsoon.

Maybewecouldallgoouttodinner.”“Uh,yeah,sure.”“Itwasapleasuremeetingyou,Miranda.”ShepumpedMiranda’shandagain,then

grabbedherpursefromtheentrywaytable.“Ihopewe’lltalkagainsoon.”“Me,too,”Mirandasaid,althoughshehadbarelygottenawordinedgewise.Thehornsoundedasecondtime.“Coming,coming!”shechatteredwithaflutterofher

hand,thenglancedinthedirectionofthestairs.“DomeafavorandtellZackIsaidgoodbye.Tellhimtocallifheneedsanything.”

Withonelastwaggleofherfingersshewasoutthedoor,atornadoofenergy,andthoughtheconversationhadbeenone-sided,Mirandafeltalittlebreathless.TwominuteswithTaylorandshewasexhausted.

Sheturnedandlookedaroundthefrontroom.Zackcertainlysparednoexpense.Itscreamed,“professionallydecorated.”Thewallswerefreshlypaintedinwarm,neutralbeiges.Thefurnitureanddecorationswere

masculineenoughtosuitaman,withoutoverpowering.Theeffectwaswarmandinviting.Mirandafollowedthemusicupthestairstothesparebedroomthatinhercondosheused

asanoffice.Shesteppedthroughthedoorwayandfoundherselfsurroundedbysoftpastels,plushcarpetandexpensive-lookingbabyfurniture.

OnthedressersatoneofthoseniftylittleportableMP3playersattachedtoaspeakersetthatplayedamazinglyloudandclearfortheirsize.

InthemiddleoftheroomkneltZack,singingatthetopofhislungsinperfectpitchwithRobertPlant,assembling,ofallthings,acrib.

Itcreatedapicturesoadorable,hadshebeenanemotionalwoman,itmighthavebroughttearstohereyes.Asitwas,shecouldn’thelpsmiling,orfightthewarmfuzzyfeelingsbuildinginherheart.

Shemightnotknowhimverywell,thatwaspainfullyobvious,butwhatshedidknow,sheliked.Probablytoomuchforherowngood.Shehadtoremindherselfthatsomemenwerenotwhattheyseemed.

Shewasn’tquitereadytotrusthim.Sherappedonthedoorframe.“Knock,knock.”Heturned,andwhenhesawitwasher,asmilelithisface.Oh,man,washecute.Herheart

didaquickback-and-forthshimmy.“Youdon’tstrikemeastheZeppelintype,”sheshoutedoverthemusic.Hereachedoverandturnedthevolumedown.“There’salotaboutmeyoudon’tknow.”Wasn’tthatthetruth.“Iknowyouhaveasister-in-lawwithanexcessofenergy.”

Hegrinned.He’dlostthebaseballcapandsufferedamildcaseofhathair.“ItakeityoumetTaylor.”“Shesaidtotellyougoodbyeandtocallifyouneedanything.Andsheofferedtothrow

meababyshower.”Herosetohisfeet,tallandwide.Imposing,yetcompletelyunthreatening.Superior,buthumble.Howdidhemanagethat?“Sorryaboutthat.Shesometimesgetsalittletooenthusiastic.Shemeanswell,though.

Andifyou’reworried,oursecretissafewithher.”“ShesaidsheandRichardwouldbevisitingsoon,andwecouldallgoouttodinner.Are

youandyourbrotherclose?”“Prettyclose.”Apparently,hehadnoplanstoelaborate.Andthatwasprobablyagoodthing.Thelesssheknewabouthim,thelesslikelyshewastogetattached.Shegesturedtothepartiallyassembledcrib.“Itlooksasthoughyou’vebeenbusy.”Heturnedtoreviewhishandiwork.“Youlikeit?”“Youdon’tthinkit’sabit…premature?”Heshrugged.“Nothingwrongwithbeingprepared.You’relookingasthoughyoufeel

better.”“Much.Thanksfortakingcareofmethismorning.”Heshruggedasifitwasnobigdeal.Butshewasn’tusedtopeopletakingcareofher.

Especiallynotaman.Andshecouldn’thelpbutsuspecthehadulteriormotives.Thathewassofteningherupsoshewouldletherguarddown.Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime.

“Iwashopingyoumighthavesometimetotalk.Butifyou’rebusy,Icancomebylater.”Thesecondthewordswereoutshewishedthemback.ThatwastheoldMirandatalking.Theonewhoputeveryoneelse’sneeds,everyone’sfeelings,beforeherown.

Asindependentasshe’dbecome,confrontationsstillmadeheruncomfortable.Maybedeepdownshewasn’tasconfidentandincontrolasshelikedtobelieve.Andthatwasdefinitelysomethingsheneededtoworkon.“I’mnevertoobusyforyou,”hesaid.Thatshouldhavebeenagoodthing,butinsteadit

madeherfeelevenmoreclaustrophobic.“Let’sgodownstairs.Icoulduseacoldbeer.”Hegesturedtothedoorandsheprecededhimout.Theywalkeddownstairsandheledher

toakitchenthatlookedverysimilartoherown,justmoreexpensive.Top-of-the-lineappliancesandgranitecountertops.New,solid-woodcabinetsandceramic

tilefloors.Thewordthatcametomindwasluxurious.“Wouldyoulikesomething?Water?Juice?”“Waterwouldbegood.”Heopenedthefullystockedside-by-siderefrigeratorandpulledoutabottledwaterandan

importedbeer.“Whatdidyouwanttotalkabout?”“The…situation.”“Whichsituationwouldthatbe?”Hecrackedthesealonthewaterandhandedittoher.

Thenhepoppedopenhisbeerandtookaswig.“Youlivingacrossthestreetfromme.”Againwiththeshrug.“What’stheproblem?”

Hewasn’tfoolingherforasecond.Heknewexactlywhattheproblemwas,andpretendingitdidn’texistwasn’tgoingtomakeitdisappear.

“Ithinkweneedtosetafewboundaries.”“Boundaries?”“Sothingsdon’tget…unmanageable.”Come,onMiranda.Stopbeingsopoliteandjust

saywhatyoumean.Shesippedherwater,wishingitwasamargaritaoradoublemartini.Alcoholalwaysmade

herfeelbolder,morebrave.Partofthereasonshewasinthemessinthefirstplace.Onsecondthought,maybeadrinkwouldbeabadidea.“Ineedspace.Ifeel…smothered.”Helookedmoreintriguedthaninsulted.Maybeevenalittlebitamused.“I’vebeenherea

fewhoursandalreadyyou’retellingmetobackoff?”Ifhewastryingtomakeherfeelguilty,itwasn’tgoingtowork.Orattheveryleastshe

wouldn’tletitshow.“IcouldlivetwentymilesfromhereandIguaranteeyouwouldn’tbeseeinganylessofme

thanyouwillwithmestayingrightacrossthestreet.”“Itjustfeelsasthoughthisisallmovingtoofast.”Hetookaswallowofbeer.“Whatwouldyoulikemetodoaboutit?”Goodquestion.Shecouldn’tverywellaskhimtomovebacktoChicago.Andthatwas29

percentoftheproblem.Well,shecouldask.Buttherewasnoguaranteehewouldlisten.Infact,shewaspretty

darnedsurehewouldn’t.Anditwouldn’tbefair.Thiswashisbaby,too.“Respectmyprivacyforstarters.Idon’twantyoutogettheimpressionthatit’sokayto

justpopoverwheneveryoufeellikeit.Iwouldappreciateaphonecallfirst.EspeciallyduringthedaywhenI’mworking.”

“AreyoutryingtotellmethatIoversteppedmyboundariesthismorning?”Hedidn’tmincewords,didhe?Itwasaqualitysheadmired.Probablybecauseshelacked

itherself.“AsIsaidbefore,Iappreciatedyourhelp,butIcantakecareofmyself.”“Iwouldneverquestionyourcompetence,Miranda.AndI’mnotherewiththeintentionof

disruptingyourlife.We’rehavingababytogetherandIwanttobeapartofit.It’sassimpleasthat.”

Washeserious,orjusthumoringher?Shecouldn’ttell.Shefelttornbetweenwantingtobelievehim,wantingtotrusthimandtherealityofherpastexperiences.Inherworld,menwereneverwhattheyappearedtobe.

“You,ontheotherhand—”hefishedasetofkeysoutofthefrontpocketofhisshortsandgavethemtoher“—arewelcometostopbywheneveryoufeellikeit.

There’sakeyforthecondo,thecarandmyapartmentinChicago.Justincase.”“Ican’tacceptthese.”Shetriedtohandthemback,buthegentlypushedherhandaway.“Consideritagestureofgoodwill.”Goodwill?Aftershehadjustbluntlytoldhimtobackoff?Couldhereallybethat

easygoing?Thatgenerous?Therehadtobeacatch.Someconditionhewasn’trevealing.Thishad“messyandcomplicated”writtenalloverit.

“Whatifoneofuswantstogooutonadate?”sheasked.“SupposeyouhaveawomanoverandIpopinunannounced?Youdon’tthinkthatwillbeuncomfortable?”

“IhavenointentionofdatinganyonewhileI’mstayinghere.”“WhatifIwanttodate?HowdoyouknowIdon’talreadyhaveaboyfriend?”

Againthesubtlegrin.Theonethatmadeherheadfeelswimmy.Didheknowhowcutehelookedwhenhedidthat?

“Thisboyfriendhasnoproblemwiththefactthatyou’rehavinganotherman’sbaby?”Sheshothimalook.“Mypointis,wedon’tknoweachotheratall.”“Andtheonlywaywe’llgettoknoweachotherisbyspendingtimetogether.Withmelivingrightacrossthestreet,thinkhowquicktheprocesswillbe.”Shehatedthathewasabletomakeeverythingsoundsological,whendeepdownthe

wholethingjustfelt…icky.OrmaybetherealproblemwasshelikedZack.Reallylikedhim,andshewasafraidthatifshespenttoomuchtimewithhim,hisreal

personalitywouldemergeandherillusionsofthemanshehopedhewaswouldbeshattered.Shewantedhimtobeaswonderfulasheappeared,andatthesametimesheknewitwas

incrediblyunlikely.Butattheveryleast,shedidbelievehewashonest.“Ifthisisgoingtowork,youhavetopromiseyou’llgivemespace.”“Whateveryouneed,”hesaidwithoutbattinganeye.“Ipromise.”Wow,thatwaseasy.Tooeasy.Shehadabadfeelingaboutthis.

Chapter6

Beingtheobservantmanthathewas,ZackimmediatelypickeduponMiranda’swariness.“Youlookasthoughyoudon’tbelieveme.”

“Iamskeptical,”sheadmitted.“Thenperhapsweshouldmakeitofficial.”Heextendedahandforhertoshake.Shewouldmuchratherseeitinwriting,inanironcladcontractwithhisnamepennedin

hisownblood.Butshesupposedahandshakedealwouldhavetosuffice.Shemethimhalfway,felthislarge,warmhandswallowhersup.Hisgripwasfirmwithout

beingoverbearing.Intimate,yetplatonic.Damn,hewasgood.Thatgrincurledhismouth,hoveringsomewherebetweenamusedandcarnal,andshe

couldswearhiseyesdarkenedashade.Hewasgivingherthatsimmering,sexy,come-and-get-melookthathadmadeherkneesgoweakthateveninginthehotelbar.

Uh-oh.“Don’tlookatmelikethat.”Oneeyebrowtippeduptheslightestbit.“Likewhat?”“YouknowexactlywhatImean.”Shetriedtotugherhandfree,buthetightenedhisgrip

justenoughtokeephertrapped.“You’regivingmetheeyes.”“Theeyes?”“Yeah,sojuststoprightnow.”Nodoubthewasdoingitonpurpose.Heprobablythought

hecouldsoftenherup.Makehergoallmushy-brained.Whichshewas.Shetuggedagain,buthedidn’tloosenhisgrip.Thegrinwidenedafraction.“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”Stillclutchingherhand,hesteppedclose.Actually,itwasn’tsomuchastepasitwasa

lean.Sheonlyknewthathewasn’tstandingasfarawayashewasasecondago.Shefeltherpalmbeginningtosweatandherheartdidataproutineacrossthewallsofher

chest.Shecaughtthesubtlescentofhisaftershaveoverthenewpaintsmell,couldswearshefeltheatrollingoffhiminanebbandflowasnaturalastheoceantide.And,oh,boy,hehadthatlook,theonemengotrightbeforetheykissedawoman.

Thesameonehehadrightbeforehe’dkissedherthelasttimeinhiskitchen.Shenarrowedhereyesandgavehimherbestdon’t-mess-with-melook.“Don’teventhink

aboutit,pal.”Againwiththeinnocentlook.“Thinkaboutwhat?”“Kissingme.”Shegaveanothertug,butherhanddidn’tbudge.Ifshepulledanyharder

andhedidletgo,shewouldenduponherbuttontheshinynewtilefloor.“WhatmakesyouthinkthatIwanttokissyou?”Shewassonotfallingforthisinnocentact.“ThisrelationshipguruIoncesparredwithon

theradiowasquiteadamantaboutthefactthatcouplesshouldbeinacommittedrelationshipbeforetheyindulgeinsinsoftheflesh.”

Ifshewashopingtoinsulthim,ithadn’tworked.Thesmileneverdriftedfromhisface.Ifanything,helookedevenmoreamused.

Histhumbtrailedlightlyacrosstheinsideofherwristandshefeltherselfshiver.Whydidhehavetodothat?Andwhydidn’tshemakehimstop?

Becauseitfeltgood,that’swhy.“Firstoff,Ineveroncereferredtomakingloveas‘sinsoftheflesh.’Andsecond,asfaras

I’mconcerned,Iaminacommittedrelationship.”“Thisisgoingtobecomplicatedenoughwithoutusgetting…involved.”“Defineinvolved.”“Sex,Zack.”“Yeah,butthinkhowmuchfunitcouldbe.”Shedidn’tdoubtthatforasecond.Butthatkindoffuniswhathadgottentheminthis

messinthefirstplace.“I’mserious.It’snotgoingtohappen.Itnevershouldhavehappenedthefirsttime.”

Slowly,reluctantly,asthoughhewassavoringeverylastbitofcontact,heletherhandslipfromhis.

“Howaboutdinnertonight,”hesaid.“Wouldyouatleastshareamealwithme?”“IsthisamealIhavetocook?BecauseIdon’tdothedomesticgoddessthing.”“Ididnoticethatyourrefrigeratorlookedalittle…light.Anutritiousdietis…”Hetrailedoffwhenhesawthewarninglookshewasspearinghisway.“Yousodon’twant

togothere.”“I’llcook,”hesaid.“Really?”“Really.”“Nocarryoutorfrozendinners?”“Nope.Justhome-cookedfood.”Amanwhocooked.Hownovel.Inallthetimeshehadbeenmarriedtoherex,sheneveroncesawhimusethestove.Not

eventoboilwaterfortea.Thekitchenhadbeenherroom,andithadbeenherresponsibilitytohaveahotmealonthetableeverynightwhenhegothomefromwork,regardlessofhowmanyhourssheherselfhadworked.Afterall,hercareerwasonlytemporary,orsoheseemedtobelieve.

Sheknewnowhowwrongithadbeenofhertobedishonest.Todeludehimintothinkingthatshesharedhisfamilyvalues.Shejustkeptthinkingthatonedayhewouldchange.Hewouldwakeupandrealizetheyweren’tlivinginthenineteenthcenturyanditwasokayforawomantohaveacareerandafamily.

Thatshecouldbeanequal.Unfortunately,thatchangehadnevercome.Insteadofbecomingmoreopen-mindedand

liberal,he’dgrownmorechauvinisticandcontrolling.“Whatsoundsgood?”Zackasked.“Imakeameanlasagna.”Hersalivaryglandswentintooverdriveandshehadtoswallowtokeepfromdrooling.“Icouldeatlasagna,”shesaidcasually,whileinsideshewasjumpingupanddownwith

joy.Lasagnawasonlyoneofherfavoritefoodsinthehistoryoftime.Hermother’snanahadimmigratedtotheU.S.fromSicilyinthetwenties,andthoughMirandabarelyrememberedher,shehadinheritedherappreciationforItaliancuisine.

Andsincesherarelybotheredtogoall-outondinnerforone—theguyatthenoodleplacearoundthecornerknewherbyname—awell-roundedmealwouldbeapleasantchangeofpace.

“Howdoessixo’clocksound?”heasked.“Ihavealotofworktocatchupon.Makeitsevenandyou’vegotadeal.”

“Sevenitis.”Okay,then.Dinnershecouldhandle.Dinnerwassafe.Ifshewasreallucky,itmeantanightofgood

food,intelligentconversationandatablebetweenthemtothwartanyunsolicitedhanky-pankyfromhisend.

“Ilookforwardtoit,”sheadded.Zackgrinned.“YouknowwhatI’mlookingforwardto?”Whydidshegetthefeelingshedidn’twanttoknow?“What?”Heflashedherthatlookagain,theonethatmadehergoallmushy-brained.“Dessert.”TherewasanotetapedtoMiranda’sfrontdoorwhenshegothome,scrawledinLianne’s

barelylegiblehandwriting:“Gonefortherestoftheday.Hotdate.Won’tbehomeuntillate—Ihope.We’lltalktomorrow.”Themissed-calllightonherphonewasflashingwhenshewalkedinthedoor.Shechecked

thecallerIDandsawthatitwasherwritingpartner,IvyMadison.Thoughtheyonlylivedtwentyminutesfromeachother,theytalkedbyphonenearlyevery

afternoontocomparenotesorworkthroughanyproblemstheymighthavebeenhavingwiththebook.Theykepteachotherontrackthatway.

Lately,withMiranda’smorningsicknessandtheflingIvyhadbeenhavingwithherex-husband,they’dbothfallenabitbehindschedule.

Shepickedupthecordlessanddialedhernumber.Ivyansweredonthefirstring.“Youwouldn’tbelievethedayI’mhaving,”Mirandasaid.“Miranda,weneedtotalk.”SheknewinstantlybythetoneofIvy’svoicethatsomethingwaswrong.Shejusthoped

Dillon,Ivy’sex,hadn’tbrokenherheartagain.IthadtakenanenormousleapoffaithforIvytotrusthimagain.IthadbeentheirmessydivorcethathadpromptedIvytocoauthorthefirstbookwithMiranda.

Bothofthemhavingenduredheart-wrenchinglypainfuldivorces,theprojecthadbeenmoretherapeuticthanfinanciallymotivated.Butsinceitsrelease,ithadbeentoppingthebestsellerlists.Ithadbeendisturbingtodiscoverthestaggeringnumberofwomenwhohadendured,orwerepresentlyexperiencing,painfuldivorces.

Whichwaswhy,withveryfewexceptions,bothIvyandMirandavehementlybelievedwomenwerebetteroffstayingsingle.Itwastheelementtheyhadbasedtheirentirebookandthefollow-upbookon.

“What’swrong?”Mirandaasked.“DidDillondosomethingstupid?DoweneedtokeyhisBentley?Toiletpaperhismansion?PutsugarinthefueltankofhisLearjet?”

“No,no,nothinglikethat.Ijust…I…”“Whatisit?”“I’mnotsurehowtosaythis,soI’mjustgoingtosayit.DillonandIaregettingmarried.”“Married?”Ivywasgettingmarried?Toherex-husband?Ifshehadsaidthatshewas

gettinggenderreassignmentsurgery,Mirandacouldn’thavebeenmorestunned.Itwasonethingtohaveacasualflingwithanex.Buttomarryhim?

“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”Ivysaid.“Areyounuts?”“IhonestlythinkthisisthefirstsanethingI’vedoneinalongtime.Ilovehim.IthinkI’ve

alwayslovedhim.Hemakesmehappy.”

Thefactthatshewassosure,soblindsidedbyherex’scharm,addedawholenewlevelofcreepinesstotheidea.“Ofcoursehedoes!You’reeuphoricfromallthegreat

sex.ButifIhadadimeforeverytimeIheardyousaygreatsexdoesnotequalagreatmarriage,IwouldbedrinkingpiñacoladasonabeachinMaui.”

“Iwashopingyouwouldbehappyforme,”Ivysaidsoftly.Happy?Shecouldn’tbeserious.Ivywasapsychologist,forpity’ssake.Shehadcounseled

countlesswomenwho’dbeenburnedmorethanoncebythesameman.“Sure,everythingisrosesandsunshinenow,buthowwillyoufeelinsixmonthswhenthe

noveltywearsoffandheturnsbackintothejerkyoudivorced?”“He’snotthemanhewastenyearsago.”“Excuseme?Notthemanheusedtobe?You’vesaidityourselfamilliontimes.Mendon’tchange.Notdeepdownwhereitcounts.”“IknowIdid.ButMiranda,Iwaswrong.”Adarkanddisturbingsensationslitheredoverher,andafeelingofdreadsettledinhergut.

Shesensedadisastercomingon.“Youbetternotletthepublisherhearyoutalkingthatway.Wehaveabooktofinish.I’massumingthisreunionmarriageisn’tgoingtohappenuntilaftertherelease.”

Therewasalong,unsettlingpause,thenIvysaid,“Um,aboutthat…”Miranda’sheartsunk.“What?”“Ican’tdoit.”“Can’tdowhat?”sheasked,eventhoughshealreadyknewwhatwascoming.“Ican’tpreachtowomenaboutstayingsingle,thenturnaroundandgetmarried.”Mirandafeltsicktoherstomach,andherheadbegantospinsohardandfastshefeltdizzy.

Ivywasgoingtoabandonher?“Soyou’rejustgoingtoquit?”“Notexactly.”AmomentofsilencefromIvy’sendfollowed,andMiranda’sheartslidalittlelowerinher

chest.Howmuchworsecouldthispossiblyget?“I’mnotquitting,”Ivytoldher.“Ineedtopublishabookofmyown,torepairthedamage

Icaused.”Mirandacouldhardlybelievewhatshewashearing.Theyhadapact.Theywereateam.Howcouldshedothis?Howcouldsheturnon

Miranda?“Doesthetermbreachofcontractmeananythingtoyou?Wehavetofinishit.”“Ialreadytalkedwithouragentaboutthat.”Addbetrayaltothetidalwaveoffeelingscrashingoverherheadanddrowningher.“You

wentbehindmyback?”“Notinthewayyouthink.Ihadtobesurethatbybackingoutitwasn’tgoingtohurtyou.

Shethinksshecangetthemtosplitthecontract.Itwouldmeanlessmoney—”“Idon’tcareaboutthemoney,”Mirandainterjected.“—andreworkingwhatwe’vealreadywritten,butIknowyoucandoit.”AndhowwasitthatIvyknewthat?Didshehaveacrystalball?Hadshesuddenlybecome

psychic?“Sure,”Mirandasnappedback.“Don’tworryaboutme.I’lljustwavemymagicwandand

everythingwillbefixed.”Mirandaknewthatgettingnastywasn’tgoingtohelpmatters.SheandIvyhadalways

agreedthatifevertheyshouldpartwaysaswritingpartners,theywouldalwaysremainfriends.

ButMirandawasfeelingthistwangofhurtinhersoul,astingofbetrayalbeyondanythingshe’deverexperienced.

Anddamnit,shewasscared.Shedidn’tknowifshecoulddothisonherown.Andshedidn’twanttotry.“Iknowthingsarealreadycomplicatedforyouwiththebabycoming.Ifeelterriblefor

doingthis,Miranda,Ireallydo.We’vebeenthroughsomuchtogether.ButIhaveto.Icouldn’tlivewithmyselfifIdidn’tsetthingsright.”

ThatmeantMirandaeitherhadtofindanotherwritingpartnerorwritethefollow-upbookfromonlyalawperspective.Withthepsychologicalanglegone,shewasn’tsureshecouldfillanentirebookwithlegaladvicethatwasuniqueenoughtobeasuccessfulfollow-uptotheirfirstbook.Especiallyifshewouldbeindirectcompetitionwithhersoon-to-be-ex-writingpartner.Shedidn’tevenhaveacluewheretobegin.

Ivywasthecreativeone.TheonewhohadtakenMiranda’slegaljargonandbreathedlifeintoit.Keptitfromcrunchingonthepagelikedry,burnttoast.

SheneededIvy.Unfortunately,Ivywasasstubbornasshewassavvy.Onceshemadeuphermind,she

didn’tchangeit.Foranyone.ToobadMirandaandZackhadcompletelyoppositevalues.Asateamtheycouldprobably

writeonehellofabook.Mirandatampeddownthepanicbuildinginherchest,thefearclawingatherinsides.“Do

youhavethedetailsofthisnewcontract?”“Ouragentwillbecontactingusindividuallylaterthisweekaftersheironsthingsoutwith

thepublisher.She’sdoingherbesttogetusanextensiononourdeadline.Hermainconcernisthatwe’llloseourmarketingbudget.Orthattheymightchooseonebookovertheothertopublicize.”

“Thenewsjustkeepsgettingbetter,doesn’tit?”“I’msosorry,Miranda.Ididn’tplanforthis.Itjusthappened.AndIwanttodoallthatI

cantomaketherelationshipworkthistime.”Thoughshefelthurtandbetrayed,shecouldn’tsaythatputinIvy’spositionshewouldn’t

havedonethesamething.Oneofthethingstheyhadstressedinthefirstbookwasthatawomanshouldtrustherowninstinctsandbetoughenough,andbraveenough,totakeastandforwhatshebelievedin.

HowcouldMirandafaultherforthat?WhowasshetojudgewhatwasrightforIvy?“Youknow,”Ivysaid.“Ifpeopleweretofindoutaboutthepregnancyandwhothefather

is,itcouldreallyreinforceyourbeliefs.Youcouldn’taskforamoreeffectivepublicitystunt.”Shewasn’tpreparedtosellZackoutforthesakeofherownstalledcareer.Shedidn’thave

theconstitutionforsuchbrutalwarfare.Maybeitwassilly,butshebelievedthatwhatgoesaroundcomesaround.Andthisonewouldsurelycomebacktobiteherinthebutt.

ShewouldfindawaytomakethisworkwithouttakingZackdownintheprocess.AfterlisteningtoseveralmoreminutesofIvy’sapologies,Mirandahungupthephone

feelinghurtandconfusedand…lonely.BarelyadaypassedwhensheandIvydidn’tspeak.TheideaoflosingthatmadeMiranda’sstomachache.Whowouldsheconfidein?

Shedidn’twantthingstochange.Shelikedherlifethewayithadbeen.Shewascomfortable.Andconfident.

Suddenly,everythingwasdifferent.Butsittingaroundfeelingsorryforherselfwasn’tgoingmakethingsbetter.

Shehadanewbooktoplot.Alone.

Chapter7

“Areyousureyouknowwhatyou’redoing?”“Absolutely,”Zacktoldhissister-in-law,Taylor.Hehadheronspeakerphonewhilehe

unpackedtheboxesinhisofficeandshewaitedforherflighttoboard.“RichardandIworryaboutyou.”“Willhebehometonight?”“He’sstayinginD.C.HehasadinnerwithsomelobbyistwhosenameIcan’trecall.There

aresomanyIlosetrack.Youcantryhiscell.”Hehad.He’dtriedbothhiscellandhisofficeandhehadn’tanswered.“He’sabusyman

thesedays.”“Tellmeaboutit.Ifhe’snotatworkorinameeting,there’salwaysacharitydinnerora

fund-raiserwehavetoattend.Lately,ifIgethimaloneforanhourontheweekendIconsidermyselflucky.Iunderstandnowwhytheotherwivescallthemselveswidows.”

“He’sjustgettingestablished.Itwillgeteasier.”Heemptiedthelastoftheboxandsetitonthestackwiththeothers.“Andthinkhowgoodlifewillbewhenhe’selectedpresident.”

“He’sdeterminedenough.Ifanyonecandoit,hecan.AndIlovethewayyoucleverlymanagedtomanipulatetheconversationsothatwe’renolongerdiscussinghowconcernedweareaboutyou.”

Zackgrinned.Taylorknewallofhistricks.“Nothingtobeconcernedabout.”“Aftereverythingyouguyshavebeenthrough,hewantsyoutobehappy.”“Iwillbe.”“Ifitgetsouttothepress…there’ssomuchatstake—”“It’llbefine.”Hepulledastackofreferencebooksfromaboxonthefloor.Hecheckedthesubjectsandsetthemontheappropriateshelf,alphabeticallybyauthor.

“I’malreadybeginningtowearherdown.”“IthinkImayhavescaredher.YouknowIalwayshavethetendencytocomeontoo

strong.”“I’msureshelikedyou,”hesaid,grabbingyetanotherstack.Heneverrealizedhowmuch

referenceheowneduntilhe’dhadtomoveitall.“Ilikedher,too.Ijusthopeshe’stherightoneforyou.Youhavetoadmitshe’snotthe

kindofwomanyouusuallydate.”Inthepastfewmonths,hisusualdatingpatternshadbeenthenonexistentkind.Latelyitseemedasthougheverywomanhemetwasjust…boring.Itwasprobablywhy

he’dbeensotakenbyMiranda.Shedidn’thaveaboringboneinherbody.Hewouldgosofarastosayhe’dnevermetanotherwomanlikeher.“Maybethat’sexactlythekindofwomanIneed.”

“Ihopeso,becauseIgetthedistinctimpressionthisonewillbeahandful.”Sodidhe.Thatwaskindofwhathelikedabouther.Shechallengedhim.Therewasnever

adullmomentwhenMirandawasaround.“Shetoldmethatyouofferedtothrowherababyshower.Iknowthatcouldn’thavebeen

easyforyou.”“Irefusetoletmyselfdwellonit.”Therewasasadnessinhervoice.Therealwayswas

whenherinfertilityissuescameup.“It’llhappen,”hesaid.“Iknow.”

Hesensedahesitation.“But…?”“It’sjustthatthetreatmentisn’texactlycheapandRichardwasthinkingmaybeitwould

bebestifwebackedoffforacouplemonths.Builtupoursavings.”“Ifyou’rehavingmoneyproblemsyouknowI’m—”“Richardwouldneverallowit.Butthanksfortheoffer.Besides,he’sprobablyright.

We’vebeenatitforasolidyear.Maybewecouldbothuseabreak.I’veheardstoriesofcouplesgoingthroughmonthsoffertilitytreatment,andwhentheyfinallygiveup,ithappensnaturally.”

HehopedthatwasthecasewithTaylor.He’dbeengettingthefeelinglatelythatherinfertilityhadbeguntoputastrainonherandRichard’smarriage.

Theideamadehimalittlenervous.Shewasthebestthingthatcouldhavehappenedtohisbrother.Zackhadintroducedthem

knowingtheywouldbeaperfectfit,knowingshewouldstraightenhimout.Andshehad.“Richcan’twaittoseethenewplace.Maybewecanflyinnextweekend.Spendtheday

together?”“Thatwouldbegreat.”ThesoonerMirandamethisfamily,becameinvolvedinhislife,the

morelikelyshewouldbetowantamorepermanentrelationship.Thismaynothavebeenthewayheplannedhislife,butallthatmatterednowwaswhatwasbestforthebaby.

“AndmaybeheandIcantakeadaytobetogether,justthetwoofus,”Taylorsaid.Shesoundedsosad.“You’resureeverythingisokay?”“It’sjusttough,beingawayfromhimsomuch.MaybeI…Oh,wait,they’recallingmy

flight.Ihavetogo.”“Haveasafeflight.”“Andyouhaveagooddinner.I’lltalktoyousoon.”“Wewill,”hesaid,butshehadalreadydisconnected.Whydidhegetthefeelingtherewas

somethingshewasn’ttellinghim?SomethingpertainingtoherandRich.TheirrelationshipwasthemodelforZack’sbooksandseminars.Hesometimesfeltasif

hisentirecareerhingedontheirmaritalsuccess.HetookcomfortinthefactthatRichardhadjustasmuchtolose.HewasonthefasttrackinD.C.

Somedayhewouldbepresident.Adivorce,foranyreason,couldbepotentialpoliticalsuicide.

Besides,Zacktrustedhim.Theyhadbeenthroughanawfullottogether.Hisbabybrotherwouldneverlethimdown.

Hehoped.Itwasnearlyseven-thirtywhenZackcrossedthestreettoMiranda’scondo.Theirfirstofficialdateandshe’dstoodhimup.Hemighthavebeenworried,butwhenhe’dpeeredouthisfrontwindowacrossthecul-de-

sactoherplace,he’dseenhershadowintheupstairswindow.Backandforthshehadpaced,butwhenhe’dtriedtogetherbyphoneshehadn’tanswered.

Hewouldbeinsulted,buttodenyoccasionallybeingsowrappedupinworkthatthehoursslippedbyunnoticedwouldbealie.Hedidn’tdoubtthat’swhatMirandahaddone.

HesteppeduptoMiranda’sporch,rangthebellandwaited.Andwaited.Herangthebellasecondtimeandwaitedaminutemore.Whatwastakingsolong?Or

hadsheseenhimcomingandwaschoosingnottoopenthedoor?Hehitthebellathirdtime,andasecondlaterthedoorswungopen.TherestoodMiranda,aslightlydazed,marginallyconfusedexpressiononherface.

Whenshefailedtospeak,hesaid,“Hey.”“Hey,what’sup?”“Ithinkyouforgotsomething.”Herbrowfurrowed.“Sorry?”“Youstoodmeup.”Shestilllookedconfused,soheadded,“Dinneratseven.Myplace.”Sheslappedahandtoherforehead.“Oh,mygosh!Isitsevenalready?”“Twenty-fiveafter,actually.”Sheswiveledaroundtochecktheclockhangingabovethemantelofherfireplace.“I’mso

sorry.IwasworkingandIcompletelylosttrackofthetime.”“That’swhatIfigured.Areyouready?”“Ready?”Wow,shereallywasoutofit.“Toeat.”“Oh,right.”Shehesitated,glancinginside,thenacrossthestreettohiscondo.“Ifyouwanttocancel—”“No,ofcoursenot.”Shegaveherheadashake.“I’mjustalittledistracted.Igetlikethat

whenIwork.”Shegrabbedherkeysandsteppedontotheporch.“I’mready.”Hegrinnedandgesturedtoherfeet.“Youmightwanttolosethebunnyslippers.”Shelookeddowntothefuzzyneon-pinkslippersonherfeetandrolledhereyes.“LikeIsaid.Distracted.”Shesteppedbackinsideandkickedofftheslippers,thenslidher

feetintoapairofflip-flops.“Better?”“Much.”“Great,let’sgo.”Sheshutandlockedthedoorbehindher,thenwalkedsilentlybesidehim

acrossthestreet.“How’sthewritinggoing?”heaskedastheysteppedupontotheporch.Sheutteredanoncommittal,“It’sgoing.”Heopenedthefrontdoorforherandshesteppedinside.Sheinhaleddeeply,adreamylook

onherface.“Oh,itsmellswonderful.”“Everythingisdone.Ijustneedtogetitallonthetable.Youcanhelpyourselftowhatever

you’dliketodrink.”Shefollowedhimtothekitchenandopenedthefridge.“Wouldyoulikeanything?”“Abeersoundsgood.”Shegotabottledmineralwaterandabeerfromthefridgewhilehetookthelasagnaand

garlicbreadfromtheovenandsetitonthetablewiththesalad,freshlygroundparmesanandolives.

“Ihopeyoudon’tmindthatwe’reeatinginthekitchenratherthanthediningroom,”hesaid.

Sheshrugged.“Idon’tmind.IusuallyeatinfrontofthetelevisionoratmycomputerwhileIwork.”

Hehadconsideredsettingupthediningroomcompletewithlinennapkinsandcandles,buthedidn’twanttorushthings.Hedidn’tthinkshewasreadyforanintimate,romanticmeal.

Heheldachairforherwhileshesat,thentookhisownseatattheoppositeendofthesmalltable.“Itlookswonderful,”shesaid,settinghernapkininherlap.Hecutthelasagnaintosquares.“Thiswon’tbotheryourstomach?”“Idon’tthinkso.I’mstarving.”

Sheheldoutherplateandhedishedapieceontoit.Shelookedattheplate,thenathim,herbrowfurrowed.“I’meatingfortwo,remember?”Withasmilehedoubledherportionthendishedouthisown.Beforehecouldevengetthe

saladserved,sheloadedherforkwithnoodlesandchunkytomatosaucedrippingwithmozzarellaandprovolonecheese,blewonitforasecond,thentasted.

Thelookonherfaceasshechewedwasoneofsheerbliss.Shetastedthegarlicbreadnextandmoanedwithdelight.“Thisisamazing!Wheredidyoulearntocook?”

“I’mabachelor.IfIdidn’tcook,Iwouldstarve.”Shetriedthesaladnext.“Umm!Whatbranddressingisthis?”“It’shomemade.”“It’sdelicious!I’llhavetoborrowtherecipe.”Hewatchedherwolfdownherfood.Holycow.Shewasshovelingitinlikeacontenderat

apie-eatingcontest.Hewasflatteredthatshewasenjoyingit,butafterseeingherhangingoverthetoiletthismorning,hewasafraidshemightmakeherselfsick.

Butwhatwashesupposedtosay?“Hey,wanttosavesomefortherestofus?”Maybethiswasthewayallpregnantwomenate.Hisexperiencewiththematernally

endowedwaslimited.“Seriously,”shesaid,takingadrinkofherwater.“Youcan’ttellmeyou’renotwealthy

enoughtoaffordacook.”Heshrugged.“Let’sjustsayIhadtodoalotofcookingwhenIwasakid.”“Why?”sheaskedbluntly.Hedidn’tknowifhewasreadytoletherthatdeepintohishead.Hedidn’ttalkaboutthose

days.Hedidn’tevenliketothinkaboutthem.He’dreconciledhimselfwiththepastalongtimeago.

“Mymomworked,”hesaid.Itwasn’talie.Shehadworked.Andbydinnertimeshewasusuallytootipsyortootired—oravaryingcombinationofboth—tocookforZackandhisbrother,andtherewaslittlemoneyfororderingout.

“Minewasastay-at-homemom,”Mirandasaid,grabbinganothersliceofbreadfromthebasket.“Dinneronthetableeverynightbysix-thirty.AndImeaneverynight.Shecouldbedownwiththeflu,andshe’ddragherselfupoutofbedtocook.”Shetookabiteofbreadandlickedherlips.“Isthisrealbutter?”

“Mixedwitholiveoil.Yourdaddidn’thelpout?”“InalltheyearsIlivedthere,Ineversawhimfixhimselfsomuchasasandwich.Asfaras

hewasconcernedcookingwaswoman’swork.Hebroughthomethemoneyandmymomwashisindenturedslave.Shedidallthecookingandthecleaningandthelaundry.”

Whichmayhaveexplainedheraversiontofamilystructure.Hedidn’tdoubtforasecondthatherhusbandhadbeenthesameway.Itwascommonfordaughtersofcontrollingfatherstosubconsciouslylookforthesamequalitiesintheirmate.

“Areyourparentsstillwithyou?”heasked.“Aliveandkicking.”Sheswipedupthelastremnantsofcheeseandsaucewithacornerof

bread,andbeforeshe’dchewedandswallowed,wasdivinginforseconds.Shetookanotherwedgeoflasagnaandathirdsliceofbread.

Eatingfortwo?Lookedtohimlikemaybeshewaseatingforthreeorfour.“Isitpossibleyou’rehavingtriplets?”

“Iknow,canyoubelievethis?I’mstarving!It’sjustsogood.MaybethismeansI’moverbeingsick.”

Thatsoundedlikeoneofthosetoo-good-to-be-truescenariostohim.“Whatdoesyourfatherdo?”

“Mydadisalawyer,mymomalegalsecretary.That’showtheymet.Sheworkedforhim.”

“Siblings?”“Ihavetwoolderbrothers.Bothlawyers.”“That’salotoflawinonefamily.”“Tellmeaboutit.Iwashopingtobecomeapartnerlikemybrothers,butbecauseI’m

femaletheplanwasalwaysformetomarryanotherlawyer,immediatelybeginproducingoffspringwhowouldalsoeventuallybecomelawyers,andgiveupmycareertobeahousewife,likemymomandmysisters-in-law.Mymomwasn’tallowedtogobacktoworkuntilmybrothersandIhadmovedout.”

“Allowed?Areyousuggestingthatshedidn’thaveachoice?”“Iknowshedidn’t.Itwasagainstmyfather’svalues.Hebelievedamothershouldbe

homewithherkids.”“Andshewasunhappywiththatarrangement?”“Shenevercamerightoutandsaidso.Ithinkshepretendedtolikeitformybrothers’and

mysakes,sowewouldn’tknowhowmiserableshewas.ButIcouldtell.Sometimesshewouldlookatmeandgetthissad,almostdistantlookinhereyes.Ithinkitwasherwayofshowingmehowshefeltwithoutactuallysayingthewords.”

“SomehowIcan’tseeyouplayingthehousewiferoleforanyone.”“NeithercouldI.Myhusband,ontheotherhand,sawthingsfrommyfather’sperspective.

Hencemydivorce.”“Whydidyoumarryhiminthefirstplace?”Sheshruggedandsetherforkdown.“Becauseitwaswhatwasexpectedofme.BecauseIwasdesperatetoescapehomeandIhaddeludedmyselfintothinkingthings

wouldbedifferentforme.Ithoughtthatonceweweremarried,Kirkwouldseehowarchaicmyfather’sideasreallywere.”

“Buthedidn’t.”“Ofcoursenot.”“Inmyexperienceworkingwithmarriedcouples,Ican’tbegintocounthowmanytimes

I’veheardthephrase,‘Ithoughthewouldchange’or‘Ithoughtthingswouldbedifferentafterthehoneymoon.’”

Shetookasipofherwater.“Whataboutyourparents?”“Bothdeceased.”Shestoppedchewinglongenoughtoshoothimasympatheticlook.“I’msorry.”Heshrugged.Hewouldhavelikedtobeabletosayhemissedhisparents,orhehadbeen

devastatedwhentheydied,butthetruthwashehadn’tfeltmuchofanything.WhenhisdadpassedawayZackhadn’tseenhimfortenyears.Bythetimehismomdied,thealcoholhadeatensomuchofheraway,shewasbarelymorethanashell.Aghost.“They’vebeengoneawhilenow.”

“Howdidtheydie?”Hehesitated.Shehadbeenprettyopenandhonestwithhim;itwasonlyfairheshowher

thesamecourtesy.Right?It’snotasthoughthetruthwouldn’tcomeouteventually.“MydadwaskilledinacarwreckwhenIwasincollege.Mymomdiedofcirrhosisseveralyearsago.”

Becauseheknewshewaswondering,butprobablywouldn’tcomerightoutandask,headded,“Shebattledalcoholaddictionherwholelife.Thealcoholwon.”

“Howoldwasshe?”“Fifty-eight.”Shesatbackinherseat,thatfamiliarlookofsympathyonherface.Theonehesawevery

timehedivulgedthetruthabouthispast.Forsomereasonitwasalittlelesscondescendingcomingfromher.Itfeltmoregenuine.

Hewonderedhowshewouldreactifhetoldherthewholetruth.It’snotthathewasembarrassedorashamedofwherehe’dcomefrom.Hesimplypreferrednottothinkaboutit.He’dalreadyspenthistimeintherapyreconcilingthepast.Nowpeopletoldhimtheirproblemsandissues,nottheotherwayaround.YethecouldimaginetalkingtoMiranda,tellingherthethingshe’dnevertoldanyonebuthisowntherapist.

Hetrustedher.Whichwasunusual,sincehebarelyknewher.Mirandapushedherplateaway,closedhereyesandswalloweddeeply,asthoughshehad

alumpinherthroat.Uh-oh,shewaslookingalittlegreenagain.“Everythingallright?”heasked.Shetookadeepbreathandblewitout.“IthinkImayhaveeatenabittoofast.”“AnythingIcando?”Sheshookherhead,thencringed.“It’llpass.I’msureI’llbefineinaminute.”Butaminutelatershelookedworse.“CanIgetyousomethingelse?”Lipsclampedshut,sheshookherhead.Herbreathingsoundedshallowandasheenof

sweatmoistenedherforehead.“Maybeyouwouldbemorecomfortableonthecouch.”Orfromthelooksofit,inthe

bathroom.“IfImove,itwillonlygetworse,”shesaid,barelymovingherlips.Shesatwithboth

handscurledoverthearmsofherchair,herknucklessotensethey’dlostallcolor,asthoughshewasholdingonfordearlife.

Therehadtobesomethinghecoulddo.Beforehegotthechancetoask,sheslappedahandoverhermouthandboltedfromher

seat.

Chapter8

“Someonekillme,”MirandamoanedfromZack’sbathroomfloor.Everytimeshethoughtshewasfeelingbetter,hewouldhelpherouttothecouchandget

hersettled,thenshewouldgetthatlook—thatwide-eyed,oh-no-not-againhorror—thenboltforthebathroom.

Unfortunately,hisexperiencewithpregnantwomenwasgrosslylimited.Butaccordingtohissister-in-law,whomhehadphonedafterMiranda’sthirdtimekneelingtotheporcelaingods,itwasanaturalpartoftheprocessandheshouldn’tworrytoomuch.TaylorandRichdidn’thavekidsoftheirownyet,butTaylorwasanauntsixtimesoverandhaddealtwithhershareofpregnantsiblings.

ShesuggestedthatZackbesupportivewithoutbeingoverbearing.Shealsowarnedofmoodswingsandpotentiallyerraticbehavior.Mirandacouldbeperfectlyhappyoneminuteandinthethroesofanemotionalmeltdownthenext,fornoapparentreasonwhatsoever.

Asatherapist,erraticbehaviorwasanormalpartofthejobandnothinghecouldn’thandle.Usually.Thishitalittleclosetohome.

Shesatup,steadyingherselfontheedgeoftheshowerdoor.“Ithinkit’ssafetoassumethemorningsicknessisstillanissue.”

Hehandedheracooldampcloth.“Areyoureadytotrythecouchagain?”Sheleanedbackagainstthetilewallandwipedherface.“IthinkI’drathergohome

instead.”“Areyousure?”Shenoddedandsettheclothontheedgeofthesink.“Ijustwanttocrawlintobedand

sleepuntilmyfourthmonthwhensupposedlythiswillallbeover.”“Wouldyoulikemetostaywithyouforawhile?”Thatoneearnedhimaverysmallsmile.“IthinkI’dratherbealone.Butthanksfor

offering.”Hehelpedherupandgaveherasecondtosteadyherself.Theordealhadtakenalotoutof

herphysically.Shelookedbeat.Shestoppedatthesinktorinsehermouth,thenheguidedhertothedoorandoutontothe

porch.Burntorangetingedthedarkeningwesternsky,andachillnippedathisbarearms.Acoolbreezeruffledhishairandremindedhimofthebriskmorningshe’dspentbeforedawnjoggingalongtheshoreofLakeMichigan.

Latelythereneverseemedtobetime.He’dinsteadusedtheexercisefacilitiesinhisbuilding.

Maybenowwouldbeagoodtimetotakeitupagain.Withhishandrestinglightlyonherback,hewalkedherdownthesteps.Hecouldseeher

fatigueintheslightdipofhershoulders,thetiltofherhead.Hecouldpracticallyfeelitradiatingfrominsideher.Contrarytowhatheknewtobethe

truth,shelookedsmallandfragile.Shestoppedjustshyofthesidewalkandlookedupathim.“Icanmakeitfromhere.”“We’vecomethisfar,Imightaswelltakeyoutherestoftheway.”“Youdon’thaveto.”“I’mheretohelptakecareofyou.Remember?”

Shelookedupathimasthoughshewasabouttosaysomething.Probablythatshedidn’tneedanyonetotakecareofher.Thenshejustsighedandshookherhead.

“Fine.”Theycrossedthestreetataleisurelypace.Sheunlockedherfrontdoorundertheglowof

theporchlightandheprecededherinside,shuttingthedoorbehindthem.Theroomwasdark,sosheswitchedonthelampbesidethecouch.

Shetossedherkeysdownonthecoffeetableandturnedtohim.“Ihadareallygoodtime.Youknow,upuntiltheickypart.”

“Me,too.”Hegenuinelyenjoyedhercompany.Uponfirstmeetingher,he’dbeenabituncertainofheraggressivenature.Thetypeofwomanhetypicallygravitatedtowardtendedtobeabitmoresubdued.Yethehad—andstill—foundherimpossibletoresist.Andhewassurehewouldgetusedtoherconstantlyquestioningandsecond-guessinghim.

Ifnothingelse,lifewithherwouldneverbeboring.Hegesturedtothestairs.“I’llwalkyouup.”Sheglancedatthestairs,thenbackathim.“Ifeelmuchbetter.”Hefoldedhisarmsacrosshischest.“What’syourpoint?”“Mypointis,Icanhandlethingsfromhere.”Hedidn’tbudge.Didshethinkshe’dgetridofhimthateasily?“Idon’tdoubtthatyou

can.”Shesighedloudlyandrolledhereyes.“I’mnotfive.Idon’tneedyoutotuckmeintobed.”Sheapparentlywasfeelingbetter.Theattitudewasback.“Whyareyousoafraidtoaccept

myhelp?”Shegaveoneofthosesquinty-eyed,yeah,rightlooks.“Youdon’treallythinkthereverse

psychologymumbojumboisgoingtoworkonme,doyou?”Heshrugged.“Notreally,butitwasworthashot.”“Look,Isympathizewithyouroverwhelmingurgetomicromanagemylife.It’sactually

sortofsweetinawarped,creepyway.Andhey,I’msuretherearealotofwomenouttherewhowouldlovetheattention.Butlet’sfaceit.I’mnotoneofthem.”

“I’mallowedtoworryaboutyou.”“I’llbefine.It’snotasifIdon’thaveyourphonenumber.Hell,Icouldjustshoutacross

thestreetandyouwouldprobablyhearme.Sogohome.IfIneedyouI’llcall.”Hesensedhewaspushingheralittletooclosetothelineanddecideditwouldbebestif

hebackoff.Heheldhishandsupinsurrender.“Youwin.I’llgo.”Hegesturedoverhisshouldertothedoor.“I’lllockupforyouonmywayout.”“Thankyou.Andthanksfordinner.Itreallywaswonderful.”“Mypleasure,”hesaid,confidentthattherewouldbemanymoredinnerstogetherinthe

future.Shestartedtoturn,andhesaid,“Wait.”Hecouldn’tlethergowithouttouchingheronelasttime.Shesighedagain,regardinghimwithahintofexasperation.“Whatnow?”Hesteppedcloser,hiseyeslockedonhers.Hersweresoftandwarmandintelligent.And

maybeatouchbemused,asthoughshejustwasn’tsurewhattomakeofhim.Inthelamplighthercheekslookedrosyandsmoothandherdarkhairglimmered.Hehadthedistinctandoverwhelmingurgetonotjusttuckherintobed,buttoclimbinwithher.

Allingoodtime.

Withonehandhegentlybrushedthehairbackfromherforehead,hisfingertipsbarelybrushingherskin,andhecouldswearsheshivered.And,oh,mandidhefeelit,too.Fromthetipsofhistoesallthewaytohisscalp.

Afterasecondhelethishanddropandbackedaway.“Givemeacalltomorrowmorningandletmeknowhowyou’refeeling.”

Sheswallowed,thennodded.“Ipromise.”Foraninstanthehadthefeelingshewantedtosaysomethingelse,thensheturnedand

headedupstairs.Ashewasleaving,henoticedherkeyslyingonthecoffeetable.Helookedatthelockonherdoor,thenbacktothekeysandgrinnedtohimself.

Hescoopedthemupandwalkedout.Mirandawokeslowly,themutedsoundofmusicpenetratingthehazeofsleepcloudingher

head.Whowouldbeplayingmusicthatloudthislateatnight?Shepeekedthroughpartiallyopenlidsattheclockandrealizeditwasn’tlastnight

anymore.Itwasmorning.Abrand-newday.Anotherdaytobesick.Shecouldbarelycontainherexcitement.Themusicstoppedandsheheardvoices,andwhatsoundedlikeanewsprogram.Hadsheleftthetelevisiononlastnightbeforeshewenttobed?Asshegraduallycameawakeandthecobwebscleared,sherememberedthatshehadgone

toZack’slastnight,hadcomehomeandgonestraighttobed.Shehadn’teventurnedonthetelevision.Couldherneighborsbeplayingtheirtelevisionloud?

Thehardershelistened,shecouldtellthesoundwascomingfromdownstairsinherowncondo.Therewasonlyonepersonsheknewwhowouldhavethenervetopopoverandlethimselfinuninvited.

Shesatupandswungherfeettothefloor,regrettingthesuddenmovementtheinstantherstomachwenthaywire.Ifshehadlearnedanythingthesepastcoupleofweeksitwasnosudden,jerkymovementsfirstthinginthemorning.

Shesatverystillforaminute,untilthewoozyfeelinginherbellyandtheswimmysensationinherheadreachedatolerablelevel.

Stillinherjammies,shewalkedveryslowlydownthehall.ShepassedherofficeandwasremindedofIvy’sphonecallyesterday,andthewayshehadpacedthefloorforhoursstrugglingtobrainstormnewideasforabook.Andcomingupblank.

Sheshookthethoughtaway.Oneproblematatime.Shefoundthesourceofhercurrentdilemmasittingonhercouch,watchingthemorning

news,dressedinaT-shirt,nylonshortsandrunningshoes.Hisdisguise,thebaseballcapandsunglasseswerebesidehimonthecushion.Hewassweaty,rumpledandunshaven,andshecouldn’tstopherselffromwonderinghowamansosophisticatedandculturedcouldlookso…hot.Andtheworstpartwas,shepreferredthislooktotheseriousgurupersona.

Ifshewasn’tsonauseousshewouldbeinsomeserioustrouble.Sheproppedherhandsonherhipsandwentforasternlook.“Dowehavealistening

problem?”Helookedupatherandflashedthatmischievousgrin—theonethatwasbeginningtolook

awfullyfamiliar—andherattractionshimmiedupalevel.Shefeltherselfmeltthetiniestbitmore.Sheneverwouldhaveimaginedtheguruwouldhaveacute,playfulsidetohispersonality,butthereitwas,smackingherrightintheface.Andforasecondsheforgotallaboutbeingsick,andinsteadbegantoimaginewhathelookedlikeunderthatT-shirt.

Yep,shewasinserioustrouble.

Hegrabbedtheremoteandswitchedthetelevisionoff.“Goodmorning.”Sheadoptedatonetomatchthelook.“Don’t‘goodmorning’me.Whatareyoudoing

here?”Thesmileneverwavered.“Watchingtelevision.”Forasmartperson,itwasamazinghowwellheplayeddumb.“DoIevenwanttoknow

howyougotintomyhouse?”“Iusedthekey.”Ofcourse.Thatmadeperfectsense.Ifshedisregardedthefactthatshehadn’tgivenhimakey.“Andhowexactlydidyou

comeintopossessionofakeytomycondo?”“LastnightItoldyouIwouldlockup.Icouldn’tverywelllockthedeadboltwithouta

key.SoIborrowedyours.”Themanhadalogicalanswerforeverything,didn’the?“Andletmeguess.Nowyou’re

justreturningthem.”Againwiththeadorablegrin.Shehadtostrugglenottosmileback.“You’recutewhenyou’repretendingtolookangry,”hesaid.Sheraisedherchinanotch.Shehatedthewayhecouldseerightthroughher.“WhosaysI’mpretending?”Herosefromthecouch,stillwearingthatgrin,distractingherwiththeflexandplayofall

thatleanmuscleandgoldenskin.Foraanothersecondsheforgotallaboutherupsetstomach.Shewastoobusyinspectinghisbiceps.Theweightofhisthighs.

Verynice.Hegesturedtotherecliner.“HaveaseatandI’llgetyourbreakfast.”“Breakfast?”Thisvisitinvolvedfood?Dinnerlastnight,andnowthis?“Teaandcrackers,right?”“But—”“Sit,”hesaidsternly,andwasenroutetothekitchenbeforeshecouldproduceasnappy

comeback.Shehuffedoutanimpatientbreath.Whodidhethinkhewas,bargingintoherhouseand

orderingheraround?Sheshouldfollowhim.Sheshouldgetindignantandmakeabigfussabouthim

smotheringher.Sheshouldrantandcomplainuntilhepromisedtodothingsherway.Thethingwas,havingherbreakfastpreparedandservedtoherwasatoughonetoresist.

Whenwasthelasttimesheletsomeonepamperheralittle?Nottomentionthatdespitejustdraggingherselfoutofbed,shewasexhausted.

Puttingupafuss,startinganargument,soundedliketoomuchdarnedworkrightnow.Woulditkillhertoletitslidethisonetime?Justsolongasthisneverhappenedagain.

Later,whenshewasfeelinguptoit,theywouldhaveanotherchataboutboundaries.Andwherehisbegan.Sheshuffledtoherreclinerandsettledin.“Whenit’sagoodtimeforyou,I’dliketogettogetherandcoordinateourschedules,”he

calledfromtheotherroom.“IclearedmyschedulesoIwouldhavetimetowrite,”shecalledback.“Mylifeisnot

whatyouwouldcallexcitingrightnow.”“ThenI’lljustgiveyouacopyofmine.Idon’twanttobehalfwayacrossthecountry

whenyouhaveadoctor’sappointment.”

Shecouldheartheclinkofflatwareagainststoneware,thecrinkleofthecrackerpackage.“Myfour-monthcheckupisonMondaythetenth.Doesthatworkfor

you?”“That’sperfect.IleaveforWashingtonthatTuesday.”Butthatwasbarelythreeweeksaway.Hejustgothere!Waitaminute,wasthatdisappointmentshewasfeeling?SureshelikedZack,butshe

didn’tneedhimaround.Shekepthertonecasualandasked,“Howlongwillyoubegone?”Zackreappearedwithherteaandcrackers.“Why,aregoingtomissme?”Shemadeashowofrollinghereyesathim.“Don’tflatteryourself.I’mjusttryingto

coordinateourschedules.”“Fourteendays,tenappearances.”Yow.“Tightschedule,huh?”“Italwaysis.Andit’sexhausting.”Hehandedherthecupandsettheplatebesideheronthetable,thenmadehimself

comfortableonthecouch.“Thanks.”Shesippedandofcourseitwasperfect.Perfectstrength,justtherightamount

ofhoney.Howdidhedothat?He’dbeenherelessthantwenty-fourhoursandalreadyheknewtheexactwaytopreparehertea?

“Iguessyou’renotfeelingtoobadtoday,”hesaid.Shesethercupdown.“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”“Thesnark.WhenyoufeelokayallIgetisattitude.Whenyoufeelsickyougetkindasoft

andmushy.”Heleanedforwardslightly,thatcome-hitherlookinhiseyes.“Ilikeitwhenyou’resoftandmushy.”

Suddenlyshewasfeelingalittlesoftandmushy,mostlyinherhead.Shedistractedherselfwithnibblingthecornerofasaltine.“Idon’tfeeltoobad,actually.

Queasy,butnothinglikelastnight.”“I’mglad.”Shewas,too,becauseshehadalongdayaheadofher.She’dcalledheragentyesterday,

andnewsfromthepublisherwasexpectedtoday.Shewashopingandprayingtheygavehersomeideaofwhattheymightbelookingfor.Someinklingofadirectionsheshouldtake.Onherownshewasclueless.

Zacklacedhisfingersbehindhisheadandleanedbackagainstthecushion,andshewasinstantlydistractedfromherthoughts.Shewasinsteadhypnotizedbytheflexandpullofmuscleinhisarms,thecordedstrengthinhisneck.Shecouldswearhewasdoingitonpurpose.Washetryingtomakeherdrooldownthefrontofherpajamas?

Therewasaquickknock,thenthefrontdoorflewopen.“Hey,Miranda!Areyou—”

Chapter9

“Decent?”LiannestoppeddeadinhertrackswhenshesawMirandaandZacksittingthere.“Oops,sorry!Ididn’tknowyouhadcompany.”

Itdidn’tescapeMirandathatZack’sdisguisewasinconvenientlyonthecouchbesidehim.Butitwouldberudenottoformallyintroducethem.

“Lianne,thisisZack,”Mirandasaid,avoidinglastnames.Liannehadbeenontheself-helprollercoasterenoughtimestorecognizethenameZackJameson.

“Zack,thisismyneighbor,Lianne.”Zackrosetohisfeet.“Wemetyesterday.”Liannelookedathim,aconfusedlittlesmileonherface,asthoughshewassureshe’d

seenhimsomewherebeforebutshecouldn’tquiteplaceit.Asawriter,shewasincrediblyobservant.Itwasprobablyonlyamatteroftimebeforerecognitionsetin.

Itdidn’ttakelong.Lianne’smouthfellopenandsheutteredabreathy,“Oh,myGod.”ShelookedfromZack

toMiranda,thenbacktoZack.Theirsecretwasdefinitelyout.Andithadbeensuchagoodmorningupuntilnow.Wasn’tthisgoingtobefuntoexplain.“Zack,couldyougiveusaminute?”Mirandaasked.Zackgrabbedhiscapandglassesandputthemon.“Sure.Istillhaveunpackingtodo.It

wasniceseeingyouagain,Lianne.”“You,too,”Liannesaid.“We’lltalklater,”ZacktoldMiranda,thenlethimselfout.ThesecondthedoorsnappedclosedLianneturnedtoMirandaandasked,“Haveyou

completelylostyourmind?”Sheneverhadbeenonetomincewords.Mirandasighedandletherheadfallbackagainst

thechair.“Ithinkso.”“Howinthehelldidyouwindupsleepingwith…”Liannejabbedanaccusingfingerher

way.“Theradioshow!That’swhenithappened,isn’tit?”“Well,weweren’tactuallyontheradiowhenithappened.”“Iknewit!Iknewyouwereactingweirdwhenyougotback.Fortwoweeksbeforethe

showallyoucouldtalkaboutwaswhatacretinthisguywas,thenyoucamebackand…nothing.WhenIaskedyouwhathewaslikeyoujustshruggeditoff.”

Shewasinfullrant,now.“YoutoldmetheguywasfromChicago.”“HeisfromChicago.”“WhenyousaidChicagoIfiguredyouactuallysleptwithhiminChicago.”Andwhatdifferencediditmakewhereshesleptwithhim?HaditbeenChicagoinstead,

shewouldn’tbeanylesspregnant.Itwasdone.Therewasnogoingback.“Doesitreallymatterwhereithappened?”

“Isupposenot.”Calmer,shesatonthecouchandfoldedherlegsunderher.“SoletmeseeifIhavethisright.Youhavenoplanstomarryhim,orevenbeinacommittedrelationshipwithhim?”

“Nope.”“You’regoingtohaveachildoutsideofmarriagewiththefamily-valuesguy?”“Yup.”

“Whatdidyoudo?Askyourself,‘ofallthemenintheworld,whowouldbetheworstpossibleonetofathermychild?’thenhavesexwithhim?”

ShemadeitsoundasthoughMirandahadsleptwiththehunchbackofNotreDame.“Jeez,Lianne,he’snotthatbad.”“Ofcoursehe’snot.He’ssmartandrichandrankswayaboveaverageonthelooksscale.

But,correctmeifI’mwrong,don’tyoutwohaveaslightconflictofinterest?”“Ididn’tplanthis,youknow.Itjustsortofhappened.”“Andhe’sokaywithnotgettingmarried?”“Hewantsto,butItoldhimno.”“Ofcourseyoudid.”“Iwouldreallyappreciateitifyoudidn’tsayanythingtoanyoneaboutthis.Youcanprobablyimaginewhatamessthatwouldpotentiallybe.”“OfcourseIwon’t.Butdamn,Miranda,ifyouknewhewasmovinginacrossthestreet

youcouldhaveatleastwarnedme.”Mirandabitherlip.AsmilecreptacrossLianne’sface.“Youhadnoidea,didyou?”“IknewhewastemporarilymovingtoTexas.Theacross-the-streetpartwasasurprise.”Lianneshookherhead.“Oh,man,amIgladI’mnotinyourshoes.Amanlikethat,there’s

nodoubthe’sgoingtotrytoconvinceyoutomarryhim.”“So?”“We’vealreadyestablishedhismanyassets.Anywomanwouldbeecstatictomarryhim.”“Anywomanbutme,Iguess.”“Admitit,youlikehim.”Toclaimotherwisewouldbealie.“Okay,Ilikehim.”“Andsinceyousleptwithhimonce,I’massumingtheideaofsleepingwithhimagainis

notcompletelyrevolting.”Farfromit.“Ofcoursenot.ButIstilldon’tseetheproblem.”“Sowhatyou’vegotisagorgeous,rich,manwhomyouadmittedlylikeandwanttosleepwith,livingacrossthestreetandwhoisdeterminedtowinyouover.”Whenshesaiditthatway…”What’syourpoint?”sheasked,nolongersoundingassureof

herself.“Mypointis,ifyou’regoingtogetthroughthisasinglewoman,youhavetofindthe

strengthtokeeptellinghimno.”“I’mnotgoingtomakeittotheparty,”Mirandatoldhermom,acrossthesafetyofthe

phoneline,whereshewouldn’tseethelookofdisappointmentonherface.She’dbeendreadingthiscallallweek,knowingitwouldbuyheraone-wayticketontheReedfamilyguilttrip.

Ofcourse,attendingherniece’sbirthdaypartywouldhavebeentwiceasbad.Fromthekitchensheheardthewhistleofthekettle,theclatterofdishes,asZackfixedher

tea.“Wehaven’tseenyouinmonths,”hermomsaid.“Youpromisedtobethere.”Itwasn’tthefirsttimeshe’dbrokenapromise.She’dhavethoughttheywouldhavecome

toexpectitbynow.Hadn’therlifealwaysbeenonegiganticdisappointmenttothem?“ButI’msick,”Mirandatoldher.“It’sanawfulflu.JoeyandToddwouldneverforgive

meifIpasseditalongtotheirfamilies.”

Shedidn’tsayit,butMirandaknewwhathermomwasthinking.Therewasalwaysalogicalreason,arationalexcuseforMirandatomissoutoneveryfamilyfunctionforthepastsixmonths.

Thistimeitwasatleastpartiallytrue.Shedidfeelsick,althoughitwasunlikelyshewouldbepassingitontosomeoneelse.Andeventhoughshewasn’tshowingyet,infactshehadactuallylostweightinthepastmonth,shewasafraidhermomandsisters-in-lawwouldtakeonelookatherandbeabletotell.Theywouldknowshewaspregnant,andMirandastillhadn’tdecidedwhatshewantedtotellthem.Andthelongershewaited,theharderitwouldbe.

“Iseverythingokaywithyou?”hermomasked.“Otherthantheflu,Imean.”Itwastheperfectopportunitytoblurtitout,totellherthetruth.Butshecouldn’tmake

herselfdoit.Notyet.“Everythingisfine.Whywouldn’titbe?”“You’vebeensodistant.”Couldsheblameher?Miranda’sbookhadn’texactlybeenwellreceivedbyherfamily.

Theconstantchiding,theman-haterjabsfromherflawlesssisters-in-law,werenotMiranda’sideaoffun.

“I’vejustbeenbusyworkingonthesecondbook,”shetoldhermom.Ablatantlie.Shehadn’twrittenaword.Heck,shehadn’tevencomeupwithaviableidea.

“Maybeyoucouldcomebyfordinnernextweek.Wemissyou.”Zackappearedinthekitchendoorwaywithherteaandcrackers.Helookedather

questioningly,asthoughhewasunsureifheshouldinterruptherconversation.Shemotionedhimintotheroom.“I’llcallyou,”shetoldhermom.Shemissedthem,too.Shehadalwaysbeenclosetoher

family.Butthingschange.“Ihavetogonow.”“Takecareofyourself,andcallmewhenyou’refeelingbetter.”“Iwill.Talktoyousoon.”Shehitthedisconnectbuttonanddroppedthephoneinherlap.

Zacksetherteaandcrackersdownonthetablebesideher.Shewonderedhowmuchoftheconversationhe’dheard.Andheknewbetterthantoask.Herrelationshipwithherfamilywasoneoftheirdon’t-even-go-theresubjects.

“Youknow,ifyougavemeakey,youwouldn’thavetogetupandopenthedoorformeeverymorning,”hesaid.“Insteadofsittingherewaitingformetofixit,youcouldbehavingbreakfastinbed.”

“Nothappening.”She’dgrudginglyopenedthedoorforhimeverydayforthepasttwoweeks.Shehadacceptedthefactthatwhenitcametohimtakingcareofher,hewouldn’tacceptnoforananswer.Andthoughshewouldnevergosofarastoadmitittohim,shewasgratefulforhishelp.

Buttherewasstillthatannoyinglittlevoiceinhersubconscious,whisperingwarningsinherear,tellinghershe’dbeguntogrowdependentonhim.IntheotherearshecouldhearLiannesnickering,tellingherthatifshedidn’ttakecontrol,

didn’tstartlayingdownsomerules,shewasasgoodasmarriedalready.Itwassoundadvice,butshecouldn’tdredgeuptheenergytodoadamnedthingaboutit.

Shewouldworryaboutsettingthingsstraightwhenshewasfeelinglesssick,andnotsotiredallthetime.Shefeltlikesuchasluglately.Shebarelymadeitthroughluncheverydaywithoutfallingasleepinherplate.Itwasthesortoffatiguethatseemedtosettledeepinherbonesandsuckeverylastbitofenergyfromhermuscles.

Andifshewasgoingtobeperfectlyhonestwithherself,shewouldhavetoadmitthatshelikedZack.Likedasin,shewasbeginningtoformamajorcrushontheguy.

Hewassodifferentfromthemenshewasusedto.Sodamnedagreeable.Andthoughshewouldliketobeabletosayshehadcontrolintheirrelationship,hedefinitelyhadtheupperhand.Theweirdthingwas,henevertookadvantageofit.Ifhewaspushingtoofar,andsawherbeginningtosquirm,hedidn’thesitatetobackoff.Althoughlatelyshe’dbeendoingalotlesssquirmingandhe’dbeeninsinuatinghimselfalittlefurtherintoherlifeeveryday.

Butinsteadoffeelingsmotheredandclaustrophobicitwasalmost…comfortable.Zacktookaseatonthecouch,wherehealwayssat.Asusual,hewasinhisjoggingattire,

hishairadorablymussedfromacombinationofsweatandthebaseballcapontheseatbesidehim.

Hisfacialhairwasfullerandshapedintoaneatlytrimmedmustacheandgoatee.Andsofarnoonehadrecognizedhim—noonebutLianne—soapparentlythedisguise

wasasuccess.Therealtestwouldbetodayatherdoctor’sappointment.“Whattimeisyourappointment?”heasked,asthoughhe’dpluckedthethoughtrightout

ofhermind.Thatseemedtobehappeningalotlately.Tobothofthem.Shewouldsaysomethingand

hewouldclaimtohavejustbeenthinkingthesamething.Andthemoretimetheyspenttogether,themoreitoccurred.Itwasasthoughtheyhadsomeweirdpsychicconnection.

She’dheardofcoupleshavingsimilarexperiences,buttechnicallytheyweren’tacouple.Couldthepregnancybetoblame?Couldhavingababytogetherlinktwopeoplethatdeeply?

Andifso,woulditgoawayafterthebabywasborn?Orwouldtheybestuckreadingeachother’smindsfortherestoftheirlives?

“Ihavetobethereatfour,”shetoldhim.“Weshouldleaveatthreeforty-five.”“We’lltaketheMustang.”Itwasn’tanoffersomuchasademand.Shewouldnormallyinterpretthatsortofcommentaspigheadedandsexist.Especiallycomingfromhim.Hewastheman,soheshoulddothedriving.Buthaving

livedacrossthestreetfromhimfortwofullweeksnow,sheknewhisdesiretodrivehadnothingtodowithgender,andeverythingtodowiththevehicle.

Thatcarwashisbaby.Morethanonce,inthethroesofagonizing,unbearablewriter’sblock,she’dwatchedhim

fromherofficewindowpamperingit.She’dwitnessedhimrubbingthebodywithabuffingclothuntiltheshinewasbrightenoughtoinduceamigraine.Shehadseenhimliftthehoodfornootherreasonthantostandandgazelovinglyattheengine.Hecheckedthetirepressureeachtimehedroveit,beforeandafterthetrip.

Shewouldgosofarastosaythathewasobsessed.Herbrothershadbeenthesamewaywiththeiradolescentmusclecars,butnowthey

preferredtheirforeignimports.MercedesorBMWs.Sheknewhersisters-in-lawwouldsettlefornoless.Thosetwoweretheidealtrophywives,pluckedoutofidenticalshells,whohadgivenbirthtotheperfectoffspring.

VisitingtheirhomeswasliketakingatriptoStepford.Orhell.Whichiswhysherarelyvisited.“Doyouthinkyou’llfeeluptovisitingwithTaylorandRichonSaturday?”Zackasked.Shewouldforceherself.RichwasflyinginallthewayfromD.C.tomeether,andfrom

whatMirandaunderstood,he’dhadtocancelseveralspeakingengagementsjusttofindthetime.“I’msureI’llbefine.”“WillyoubeallrightifIheadhome?”Zackasked.“IhaveacolumnIneedtofinish.”

“Ofcourse,”shesaid,buttherewasanundeniablehintofdisappointmenttuggingattheedgeofherconscience.

Heusuallystayedlonger,atleastuntilshe’dfinishedherbreakfast.Hewashedthedishesforherandsetthemonthedrainboardtodry—ataskherexwouldhaveneverloweredhimselftoperform.Bythen,ifshewasstillfeelingicky,Zackwouldsitandtalkwithheruntilherstomachsettledandshehadtheenergytohaulherselfintothebathroomforashower.

Thatlittlevoicegnawedrelentlesslyatherear,tellinghershewasgettingtooclose.Toodependent.She’dlostcontrol.

Shewoulddefinitelyhavetodosomethingaboutthis.Whenshefeltuptoit,thatis.Besides,whatharmwouldonemoredaydo?Shewassureshewouldbefeelingbettertomorrow.Shewouldtalktohimthen.

Andmaybetomorrowshewouldcomeupwithadamnedideaforthebook.Maybethenshewouldstartwritingandeverythingwouldbeokay.

Thatfamiliarfeelingofdreadcurdledinherstomachlikesourmilk.Thefeelingshegoteverytimesheletherselfthinkabouthowproductivethepastweekhadn’tbeen.

Zack’sbrowwrinkled.“Everythingokay?”“Sure,ofcourse.”“Forasecondthereyouwerelookingalittlegreen.”That’sfunny,shewasfeelingalittlegreen,too.“I’mfine,really.Idon’tfeeltoobadthis

morning.Goaheadandgettowork.”Helookedhesitant.“You’resure?”“Don’tIsoundsure?”shesnapped.Heshrugged.“Noneedtobitemyheadoff.”Relax,Miranda,it’snothisfault.He’snottheoneruiningyourcareer.You’redoingthat

allbyyourself.Shecouldn’thelpthinkingaboutherexandwhathewouldhavedoneinasituationlikethis.Sufficeittosayhewouldstillbeberatingherforraisinghervoicetohim.

Zack,ontheotherhand,shruggeditoff.Washeforreal?Orwasitanact?Wouldhistruepersonalityeventuallyemerge?“Sorry,”shesaid.“I’mokay.AndIknowwhereyouareifIneedyou.”“I’llcallinabittocheckuponyou.”Hestoodandputonhisdisguise.“Callifyouneed

anything.”“Iwill.”Heopenedthedoor,thenhesitated.“Areyousureyou’reokay?”No.Notreally.Rightnoweverythingwasamessandshedidn’thaveacluehowtofixit.Sheforcedasmile.“Really,I’mfine.IthinkI’mjustsickoffeelingsick.”“It’llgeteasier,”heassuredher.“Justgiveitsometime.”Shehopedhewasright,butforsomereasonshefearedthiswasonlythetipoftheiceberg,

andbeforetheygotbetter,thingsweregoingtogetalotworse.Zackcalledtocheckonheranhourafterheleft.Thenagainanhourlater.Hecalledagain

atthreetoconfirmthattheyweremeetinginhisdrivewayatthree-fortytoleaveforherappointment.Ifnothingelse,theguywasthorough.

Atthree-fortyasplanned,shesteppedoutontoherporchand,aspromised,Zackwaswaitingforher,standingbesidehisbaby.

Shegrinned,shookherheadandstartedacrossthestreet.Atthistimeofdayshedidn’tworrytoomuchabouttheneighborsseeingsincemostofthemwerestillatwork.Besides,soonerorlatertheyweregoingtocatchon.Andwhenherpregnancybegantoshow,which

wouldbesoon,therewouldbenodisguisingwhatroleZackplayedinherlife.Thatdidn’tmeantheyhadtoknowwhohewas.

AccordingtoLianne,therehadbeensometalk.Whowastheelusivenewneighbor,andwhywashealwaysgoingtoMiranda’shouse?LiannehadsmootheditoverbytellingoneoftheirneighborsthatZackwasafriendofMiranda’swhohadbeenlookingforaplacetoliveandcoincidentallytherehadbeenonerightacrossthestreet.

Itwouldbeonlyamatterofdaysbeforetheinformationmadetherounds.Andthebestpartwas,itwasn’talie.Notcompletelyanyway.

Shecrossedthestreet.TheMustangglimmeredinthesunlightandZackstoodtherelikeaproudfather,beaming.

“Menandtheirtoys,”shesaid.“Toy?ThisisaMustangBoss429.”“Really.Well,it’s…cute,”shesaid,butonlybecausesheknewitwouldirritatehim.Helookedhorrifiedandappalled.“Didyoujustsaycute?”“Yeah.”“Thiscarhasa335horsepowerengine.IthasF60x15raisedwhiteletteredtires,Magnum

500wheels,atrunkmountedbattery,competitionsuspension,slottedanddrilleddiscbrakesandtractionlockrear.Thisisamusclecar,sweetheart.Itisnotcute.”

Sheheldherhandsupinsurrender.“Istandcorrected.Itsoundsfun.”Thatoneearnedheranothersquinty-eyedglare.“Sorry.Howabout,itsoundsexhilaratingand…inspiring?”“Better.”“CanIdriveit?”Helookedalittlesurprisedbythequestion.“Youwanttodrive?”“Ifit’sthatawesomeanexperience.”Sheheldoutherhandforthekeys.“Sure.”“Rightnow?”Maybehethoughtshedidn’tknowhow.He’dneveractuallyseenherdrive.Shehadn’t

beenawayfromthecomplexforweeks.Whensheneededsomethingandeventalkedabouttakingaquicktriptothecornerstore,healwaysofferedtorunupandgrabitforher.Andsincesheneverreallyfeltuptodoingitherself,andsheknewhewaslookingforopportunitiestotakehisbabyout,sheacquiesced.“Whynot?Idoknowhow.”

Heshotherascrutinizinglook.“Youthinkyoucanhandleallthispower?”Sheshothimalookrightback.Therewerestillalotofthingshedidn’tknowabouther.

“Don’tbefooledbythesoft,feminineexterior.Ihadolderbrothers.Theytaughtmetodriveincarslikethis.”

Heshruggedandheldoutkeys.“Knockyourselfout.”Shecouldn’tsuppressasmile.Hewouldactuallyletherdriveit.Hisbaby.Thathadtobesomekindofprogress.Right?Somesortofsign.“That’sokay.Youcandrive.”Helookedthoroughlyconfused.“Ididn’treallywanttodrive,”sheexplained.“Ijustwonderedifyou’dletme.”“Sothatwasatest?”“Sortof,Iguess.”Grinningandshakinghishead,hewalkedaroundtothepassenger’ssideandopenedher

doorforher.Sheslippedintothepolishedleatherbucketseat.Theinteriorwaspristine.

Hebracedhisarmonthetopandleanedintotheopendoorway.“Ifthiswasatest,how’dIdo?”

“Youpassedwithflyingcolors.”Hestoodthereforamoment,bentover,hiseyespinnedonhers.Theyweredeepand

swimmingwithanemotionshejustcouldn’tread.Itwasn’tdesireexactly,butsomethinglikeit.Lustmaybe,butsubtler.

Whateveritwas,thehaironthebackofherneckshiveredtoattentionandherheartfluttered.Thenheleanedforwardthetiniestbit,hismouthsoclose,hislipslookingsoftandtasty.

Andshewantedanibble.Hiseyesstrayedtohermouthandsettledthere.Oh,boy,hewasgoingtokissher.Shefelt

herselfmoving,leaningclosertothetemptationofhismouth,towhatsheknewwouldbeasfantasticanexperienceasithadbeenbefore.Shewantedtotastehimandtouchhim.

Hewasgoingtokissherandtherewasnothingshecoulddotostophim.Hehoveredthereforasecond,whileherheartwentwildinherchest,thenhejustsmiled

andshutherdoor.Inthosefewseconds,shewassobreathlessshefeltasifshe’drunamarathon.Ittookherasecondtorealizewhathadhappened,whathisintentionhadbeen.Hehadbeentestingher,too.Hewantedtoknowwhatwouldhappenifhe’dtriedtokiss

her.Andbyleaningtowardhim,she’dansweredloudandclear.Whatifthenexttimehedidn’tstop?

Chapter10

Zack’sdisguisewasabighitatthedoctor’soffice.Hewasanamelessfacethatnoonesparedmorethanacourteousnodorsmile.

He’dbeeninthepubliceyelongenoughtoknowthetricksofblendingin.Notonlywasitthebaseballcap,glassesandbeard,orthecasualjeans,nerdybutton-upshort-sleevedshirtandtennisshoes.Itwasthemannerinwhichhecarriedhimself.Bodylanguagethatmadehimappearslightlylesssureofhimself.

Itwasthehintofhesitationwhenheenteredaroom.Thesubtlehunchofhisshouldersundertheshirtthatwasjustatadtoolarge.Thebarelyperceptibledipofhisheadwhenpeoplemadeeyecontact.Hewaswary,andmaybealittleshy.Aloner.Definitelynotthekindofmanyouwouldexpecttofinduponastagelecturinginacrowdedauditoriumorpromotinghislatestbookonthemorningnewsshow.

Hewasnodifferentfromeveryoneelseinthewall-to-wall-packedwaitingroom—and,holycow,he’dneverseensomanypregnantwomeninoneplace.

Afterseveralminutesofsittingthereinanonymity,Mirandaleanedcloseandwhispered,“IhavetoadmitIwasalittleworriedaboutusbeingdiscovered,but,damn,you’regood.IfeelasthoughI’msittingherewithastranger.”

“Yearsofpractice,”hewhisperedback.Itwastheonlywayhecouldhavearelativelynormallife.Otherwisethemediawouldconstantlyhoundhim.

WhenMirandawascalledintotheexaminingroomsoonafter,thenurselookedatZackalittlecuriouslywhenhedidn’ttakeoffhissunglasses.Buthehadaready-madeexcuseforthat,too.

“I’msensitivetofluorescentlight,”hetoldher.“Givesmemigraines.”Shecluckedsympathetically,suggestedhetrytakingmelatonin,thentookMiranda’sblood

pressure.Aftershe’daskedacoupledozenquestions,shehandedMirandaapaperdrape.“Everythingofffromthewaistdown.”

Oh,boy.He’dneveranticipatedherhavingtotakeherclothesoff.AndjudgingbyMiranda’sexpression,neitherhadshe.“Ithoughtthiswasjustatummycheck.”

“Yourpapcamebackirregular.Hewantstorecheckit,justincase.”Zack’shearttookadive.Whatdidthatmean?Wasshesick?Didshehavecancer?Was

thebabyindanger?“Irregular?”heasked.“Shouldwebeconcerned?”“It’sjustaprecaution,”thenurseassuredhim.Mirandashruggeditoff.“I’vehadthisbeforeanditalwaysturnsouttobenothing.”Thenursescoopedthechartupandheadedforthedoor.“Thedoctorwillbeinshortly.”Whenshewasgone,Mirandalookedatthedrape,thentoZack.“Ididn’trealizethere

wouldbeapelvic.”“Doesmybeingheremakeyouuncomfortable?IfsoIcansitinthewaitingroom.”“Doesitmakeyouuncomfortable?”Maybealittle,buthedidn’twanttoleave.“I’minitforthelonghaul.IfIcan’thandlea

pelvicexam,I’llbeuselessinthedeliveryroom.”“True,”sheagreed.“Besides,it’snothingyou’veneverseenbefore,right?”“Thatisonewaytolookatit.”

“AndsinceIdon’tplantogivebirthwithmyclotheson,eventuallyyou’regoingtoseemeatleastpartiallynaked.”

“Icanwaitinthehallwhileyouundress,”heoffered.“That’ssilly.We’rebothadults.IthinkIcantrustyoutojustturnaround.”Shesquintedhereyesathim.“Ican,right?”Hegrinned.“Ofcourse.”Heturnedtowardthesinktogiveherprivacy.Heheardthesoundofclothesrustlingand

thecrinkleofthepaperdrape.“Uh-oh,I’mturningaround,”heteased.“Hilarious,”shemumbled,buthecouldhearasmileinhervoice.Thenheheardhergasp.“Everythingokay?”heasked.“Table’scold.”Therewasabitmorerustlingandshifting,thenshesaid,“Finished.”Heturnedbackaround.Shesatattheedgeofthetable,coveredfromthewaistdown.Her

jeansandpantieslayinaheaponthechairbesidethedoor.Thiswastheclosesthe’dhadhertonakedinthreemonths.Withanyluck,hewouldn’t

havetowaituntilDecembertogetheroutofherpantsagain.Shetookalong,deepbreathandblewitout.“Feelingokay?”heasked.“Notsick,ifthat’swhatyoumean.Thisisjustalittleweird.Havingyouheremakesitfeel

more…real,Iguess.”Hewasabouttoaskherwhatshemeant—afterweeksofmorningsicknesshowcouldit

notfeelreal—butthedooropenedandthedoctorsteppedintheroom.HeintroducedhimselftoZack,thenlookedoverthechartandaskedafewquestionsofhis

own.Zackaskedabouttheabnormalpapagain,justtobesure.“It’sjustsomethingweneedtokeepaneyeon.Ifthereareabnormalcells,theywould

likelybeexpelledduringthebirth.Inanycase,itposesnoharmtothefetus.Now,”hesaid,“let’sseehowthingsareprogressing.”

Zackstoodattheheadofthetableandwitnessedhisveryfirstpelvicexam.Hewasn’tsurewhatheexpected,andwassurprisedbyhowquicklyitwasover.

Theexternalsegmentoftheprogramcamenext.ThedoctorpresseddownonMiranda’sbelly,palpating,hecalledit,tomeasurethegrowthofheruterus.

“Looksgood.Alittlehighforafirstpregnancy.”“Whatdoesthatmean?”Hemadeanotationonherchart.“Itcouldmeannothing.Wouldyouliketofeelit?”Mirandanoddedenthusiastically,andfollowinghislead,pressingdownonherownbelly.

Herbrowknitwithconcentration,thenherfacelitandshegasped,“Ohmygosh!Ifeelit!”ShelookedupatZack,eyesbrightwithexcitement.

“Youhavetofeelthis!”Thedoctorshowedhimwheretopress,butZackwasalittleconcernedbyhowfarhehad

topush,thepressurehewasusing.Whatifhehurther?“Idon’tfeelanything,”hesaid.“Pushharder,”Mirandaurged.Hedidassheasked,cringingontheinside.Thenhefeltit.Asurprisinglysmall,solidlumpjustbelowhernavel.Shelookedupathimandsmiled.“Feelitnow?”

“Ido.”Hewasn’tsurewhathe’dexpectedauterustofeellike.Infact,hecouldn’tremembereverwondering.Butthereitwas.Hewastouchingit.Hisbaby,theirchild,wasinthere.

Itwashardtoimaginesomethingsolittlewouldeventuallyfitaseven-oreight-poundhumanbeing.

Amazing.“Nowlet’shearthatheartbeat,”thedoctorsaid.MirandalookedupatZackandsmiled.“Thisismyfavoritepart.”HepulledoutwhatZackwasguessingtobeafetalheartmonitor.Hesmearedsomeclear

gooonitandpressedittoherstomach.Ittookasecondortwoofslidingthemonitorfromonesidetotheother,thenheheardasteady,surprisinglyfast,thump-thump-thump.

Itwasfaintatfirst,thenlouderandstronger.Thatwashisbaby’sheartbeat.HisandMiranda’s.Atidalwaveofemotionscrasheddownoverhimandthreatenedtosuckhimcompletely

under.Prideandjoyandawe.Andfear.Untilshegavehishandasqueeze,Zackhadn’tevenrealizedshewasclutchingit.Andhe

suddenlyunderstoodwhatshemeantaboutthepregnancynotseemingreal.Inthatinstantithadbecometrulyrealtohim,too.Atangibleliving,breathinghumanbeing.He’dactuallytouchedit,feltitgrowinginsideher,hearditslittleheartbeating.

Prettysoonherbellywouldbefullandroundwiththeirchild.Theirchild.Alittlegirlorboy.Woulditlooklikehim,orbethespittingimageofMiranda?

Forseveralsecondshisownheartseemedasthoughitwasworkingitswayuphisthroat.Hethoughthehadacceptedthatshewaspregnant,thathewouldbeafather.Allalong

he’dknowntheywerehavingababy,butnowhereallyfeltit.Heknewit.ThenightheandMirandaspenttogethertookonanentirelynewsignificance.Ithadnever

beenjustsextohim.Heknewtheyhadconnected.He’djustneverunderstood,nevercomprehended,howdeeply.Theyhaddonesomethingamazingthatnight.Theyhadcreatedalife.AndthatlittlepersondeservedeverythingZackneverhad.Itwashisresponsibilitytoseethatithappened.

HewasmoredeterminedthanevertoconvinceMirandathattheyshouldbeafamily.“Youcangetdressed,”thedoctortoldher.“We’llscheduletheultrasoundforyour

twentiethweek.”Zackkeptherhandwrappedinhisuntilthedoctorlefttheroom.Andeventhenhedidn’t

wanttoletgo.Hewantedtokeeptouchingher.Hewantedtobeclosetoher.Itateawayathim,agnawingacheinthepitofhisstomach.

Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeinhislifethathewantedsomethingthatwasunattainable.Somethingjustoutofreach.Buteventuallyhewouldgetwhathewanted.

Withpersistenceandpatience,healwaysdid.Astheylefttheroom,shereachedoutandclaspedhishandagain,andheldonwhileshe

checkedoutandmadeherfollow-upappointment.Theywalkedouttothecarhandinhand.Heopenedherdoor,waiteduntilshewasbuckledin,thenwalkedaroundandgotin.Assoonasthecarwasingearshewas

reachingforhimagain,twiningherfingersthroughhis.Hewasn’tsurewhathadpromptedthissuddenneedtotouch,buthesureashellwasn’t

complaining.Itfeltasthoughshe’dopenedadoor,propelledthemthatmuchclosertothealtar.

“Wasn’tthatamazing?”Sheworeahalfsmileonherface,andherfreehandrestedacrossherstomach.

“Yeah,itwas.”Shelookedoverathim,cheeksrosy,eyesbright.Man,shewaspretty.“Beingherewith

you,itfeelssoright.”Ifthatwasn’ttheunderstatementofthemillennia.“Yes,itdoes.”Shesighedandrestedherheadback,herthumbgrazingabsentlybackandforthacrossthe

sideofhispalm.Morethanatickle,butnotquiteastroke.Andherperfume,hadshealwayssmelledthisgood?Warmandsexyandmaybealittleonthewildside.

Herskinfeltsoftandwarm,herhandsmallbutsturdy.Heglancedoverather.Shelookedcontent.Shelookedhappy.Andhefelt…Oh,man,hewasgettingaroused.Sparksofdesirepoppedandcrackled,ignitinginhis

blood,andhertouchworkedlikeasoftbreezetofantheflames.Whatwaswrongwithhim?Ithadbeenyearssinceholdinghandswithagirlwasenough

tomakehimhot.Maybehighschoolor,hell,probablymorelikejuniorhigh.Sure,hewasattractedtoMiranda,buthewasn’takid.Therewasatimeandaplace,andrightnowwasn’tit.

Ithadtobeallofthetouchingthey’dbeendoingtoday,orherhormonesactinglikeanaphrodisiac.

“Ifeelasthoughsomethingchangedwhilewewereinthere.Idon’tevenknowhowtodescribeit.”Shegavehishandalightsqueeze,shimmiedinherseatsotheyweren’tsittingsofarapart.“Ifeellikewe’reclosersomehow.”

Nokidding.Anycloserandshewouldbesittinginhislap.ThankGodforthegearshift.“Likewebondedemotionally,”shecontinued.“Doesthatmakesense?”“Ithinkso.”Therewassomethingundeniablydepravedaboutthefactthatforherthiswas

somesortofsweet,tendermoment,andhehadahard-on.Andshekeptupwiththatslowstroking,utteringoccasional,breathysighs.Damn,shewaskillinghim.Hewassodistractedhenearlyblewthrougharedlightandhadtoslamonthebrakesto

stop.Andonlywhenthecarbehindhimhonkeddidhenoticeithadturnedgreen.“Youokay?”sheasked.“Fine,”helied.Howthehellcouldhebeexpectedtoconcentrateontheroadwhenallthe

bloodinhisbodyhaddrainedintohisgroin?Bythetimeheaimedthecardowntheirstreet,hefeltasthoughhewasonthevergeof

crawlingoutofhisownskin.But,damnit,itwasn’thisfault.Shewastheonewhokepttouchinghim.Theonetalkingaboutbeingcloser.Theonegeneratingenoughpheromonestotakeanentirefootballteamtoitsknees.

Hecouldn’thaveaskedforabettertimetomakehismove,butforsomereasonitfeltdishonest.Asthoughhewouldbetakingadvantageofher.Hewouldsleepwithherwhenheknewshewasgoodandready.Andnotaminutebefore.

Itwashisduty,hisobligation,toprotecther.Evenifthatmeantprotectingherfromhimself.

Hepulledintohisdrivewayandcuttheengine,eagertoescape.Hegotoutandwalkedaroundtoopenherdoor,andbeforeshecouldgetaholdofhim,hepocketedbothhands.

Itwasprettysadwhenagrownmancouldn’tholdawoman’shandwithoutgettingintotrouble.

Mirandagotoutofthecarandlookedathishands,wedgeddeeplyinhisjeanspockets.“Issomethingwrong?”

“Nope.”Nothingacoldshowerwouldn’tcure.“So,IguessI’llseeyoulater.”Confusiontuckedintothecreasejustabovehernose.“You’renotgoingtowalkme

home?”Anyotherdayandshewouldbeinsistingtowalkherselfacrossthestreet.Afterall,shedidn’tneedanyonetotakecareofher.Shewrestledbearsandatenailsfor

breakfast.Shepickedahellofadaytobreakthatcharmingtradition.Heglancedwistfullyathiscondo.“Uh,yeah,sure.”Theywalkedsidebysideandcrossedthestreettoherporch.Hewaitedwithonefooton

theporch,oneonthesteps,whilesherummagedthroughherpurseforherkeysandunlockedthedoor.“Wouldyouliketocomein?”

Yes.No.Damnit.“Idon’tthinkso.I’dbettergethome.”“Areyousure?”Forthefirsttime,inallthetimehe’dknownher,shelookedunsureof

herself.Afraideven.Hedidn’tlikeit.“Nexttime,”hetoldher.Shedroppedherkeysandpursejustinsidethedoor.“What’swrong,Zack?”“Nothingiswrong,”hesaid,buthecouldseethatshedidn’tbelievehim.“I’m

just…tired.”LameZack.Verylame.“You’relying.Youneverpassupanopportunitytocomeoverandtakecareofme.Today

IfiguredIwouldhavetobeatyoubackwithastick.”Ifshekeptlookingathimthatway,hereyessoftandconfused,hercheeksflush,she

wouldneedthatstick.“Iwanttoknowwhathappened,”sheinsisted.“Whyyougotsotenseanduncomfortable

ontheridehome.WhatdidIdo?”Jeez,shewaspersistent.“It’snothing,okay?Youdidn’tdoanything.Everythingisfine.”Shereachedup,touchedhisarmjustbelowhiselbow.Hefeltasthoughshe’dzappedhim

withaliveelectricalwire.Hecouldn’thelpit;heflinched.Hecouldseethecolordrainfromhercheekslikesandthroughafunnel.Shetookastep

back,towardthedoor,almostasthoughshewereafraidofhim.ThiswasaMirandahe’dnevermet.Aninsecure,apprehensiveMiranda.“The

appointment.Itwastoomuch,wasn’tit?That’swhyyouwon’ttalkaboutit.Youchangedyourmind.”

“Miranda,whatareyoutalkingabout?Changedmymindaboutwhat?”“Me,thebaby.Youdon’twantusanymore.”

Chapter11

IsthatwhatMirandathoughtwashappeninghere?Hecouldn’twin.Ifhegottooclose,shepushedhimback,andwhenhesteppedback,she

thoughthewasabandoningher.ThismustbetheerraticbehaviorTaylorhadwarnedhimabout.Hewishedhecouldfind

somehappymedium,aclear-cutsetofrulestofollow.Buthehadthesinkingfeelingtherewerenorules.Hewasflyingsoloandblind.Hewasknee-deepindoodoowithnobootsorashovel.Orwasitapaddle?

“Youcantellmethetruth,”shesaid.“Icantakeit.”No,shecouldn’t.Hecouldseeherlowerlipalreadybeginningtoquiver.Shewasawreck.

HemaynothaveknownMirandawell,butonethinghedidknowwasthatshewasn’tacrier.Shewastougherthanthat.Thishadtobeoneofthosematernalmoodswings.Estrogenoverload.

Carswerepullingintodrivewaysupanddownthestreet.Peoplewerearrivinghomefromwork.Thelastthingtheyneededwasanaudience.

Hegesturedtothedoor.“Let’sgoinsideandtalk.”Shenodded,tearshoveringjustinsideherlids.Hecouldseethatshewastryinglikehellto

holdthemback.Whentheywereinside,heshutthedoorbehindhim.AndsinceLiannehadbeenknownto

dropbyunannounced,mosttimeswithoutbotheringtoknock,heflippedthelock,too.HetookoffhissunglassessoMirandacouldseehiseyes,seethathewassincere.Now,ifhecouldjustgethertostoplookingatherownfeet.

“Miranda,lookatme.”Sheveryreluctantlyliftedherchin,gazedupathimwithhuge,grief-strickeneyes.“Ididnotchangemymind.”Ifhe’dbeenthinkinghiswordswouldfixthings,thatitwouldcalmherdown,hewas

wrong.Insteadthetearsspilledoverandrolleddownhercheeks.Shesniffledandwipedthemaway.“Thenwhywereyoubeingsoquiet?Whydidyou

jumpwhenItouchedyou?DoIdisgustyouthatmuch?”Disgusthim?Wherewasshegettingthis?Hewantedtotellhershewasbeingridiculous.

Andirrational.Butsomehowhedoubtedthatwouldhelp.Howhadhegottenhimselfintothismess?Sincereasoningwithhernolongerappearedtobeaviableoption,hedidtheonlythinghe

coulddo.Hepulledherintohisarmsandheldherinstead.Shewassofreakedoutshewasactuallytrembling.“Youdonotdisgustme.Quitetheopposite.WhichwaswhyIdidn’twanttocomeover.”

Sheclung,herarmsaroundhim,handsfistedinhisshirt,onetearycheckpressedtohischest.“Idon’tunderstand.”

Hecuppedherchinandangleditupsohecouldseeherface.Hernosewasred,eyesbloodshot,thecolorinhercheeksunevenandsplotchy.Somewomenlookedgoodwhentheycried.Sortofsoftanddelicate.

Mirandawasn’toneofthem.Whenshecried,shelookedasthoughshereallymeantit.

Hewantedtokissawayhertears,couldalmosttastethesaltydampnessonhistongue.Hewantedtowraphisarmsaroundherandholdheruntilshestoppedtrembling.

Hejustplainwantedher.Hesighedandshookhishead.“Miranda,I’mdoingmybesttobeagentleman,butyou’re

sureashellnotmakingiteasy.”Confusioncreasedherforehead.“Butyouareagentleman.”Washegoingtohavetospellitoutforher?“I’maguy.AndI’mattractedtoyou.Whenyoutouchme,Igetturnedon.Evenifwe’re

justholdinghands.”Herresponsewasasoft,breathylittle,“Oh.”“Iwantyou,Miranda.ButIcan’tdothishalfway.Eitherwe’retogetherorwe’renot.”Shewasquietforseveralseconds,herlipclampedbetweenherteeth.“So,whatyou’re

sayingis,you’renottouchingmebecauseyouwantto?”Hewipedtheremnantofatearfromhercheekwithhisthumb.“Asbackwardand

irrationalasthatsounds,yes.That’sexactlywhatI’msaying.”Hecouldseeherprocessingthat.“So,younottouchingmeis,what,formyownsafety?”“Youcouldsaythat,yeah.”“SoifIdidthis…”Sheturnedherfaceintohishandand—aw,hell—brushedherlips

acrossthepadofhisthumb.Herbreathfeltwarm,herlipssoftanddamp.Wherethehellwasthatcoldshower?Shelookedupathim.“Thatwouldbebad,right?”“That’snotfunny.”“I’maskingforinformationalpurposesonly.Imean,Idon’twanttoaccidentallydo

somethingthatmightsetyouoffandputmeindanger.”“Inthatcase,yes,itwouldbebad.”“Inthatcase,IguessIreallyshouldn’tdothis.”Sheflattenedherhandsonhischest,slid

themslowlyupward,wrappedred-tippedfingersaroundthebackofhisneck.Herbodyfeltwarmandsoftpressedagainsthim.Andjustlikethat,thespareroominhisjeansdisappeared.Hefistedhishandsathissides,grittedhisteeth.

Hewantedtopushheraway,neededto,butthemessagewasgettingscrambledsomewherebetweenhisbrainandhisarms.Hewantedtobethegoodguy,buthecouldonlytakesomuch.Ifshekepttoyingwithhim,hewouldcrack.

Shestrokedthesidesofhisthroat.Hernailslightlyscratchedhisskin,nearlydrivinghimoutofhismind.Hebitoffthegroanworkingitswayupfromhischestandsummonedthelastshredofself-control.

ThiswastheMirandaherecognized.Theonewhoknewexactlywhatshewantedandwasn’tafraidtogoafterit.

“Keepitupandyou’llbesorry,”hetoldher.Sheflashedhimoneofthosesexy,seductivesmiles.“I’mcountingonit.”Itwasfascinatingtowatch,thegradualandinevitabledeteriorationofaman’sself-control.

EspeciallyinamanlikeZack.Amanwhoneverlostcontrol.Itwasathrillingsensationofpowershe’dneverexperiencedbefore.Headyand

intoxicating.Euphoriceven.Shewantedtopressherlipstohis.Shewantedtoknowhowhewouldtaste.Whathis

beardwouldfeellikeagainstherchin.

Hewatchedherthrougheyesheavywithdesire,waited,balancingprecariouslyontheoutermostedgeofhisfortitude.Allitwouldtakewasonelittlepush,onenudge,andtheywouldbelovers.Theywouldbe,inhiseyes,acouple.Onestepclosertoadoorshewasterrifiedtoventurethrough.Andsheknewwithoutadoubtthatifsheletthishappentherewouldbenoturningback.Everythingwouldchange.

Wasshereadyforthat?“IwantthisZack.IwantthismorethanI’veeverwantedanythinginmylife.ButI’mnotreadytomakeanypromises.”Shetouchedhisface,strokedthebristlyhair

alonghisjaw.“Iwantit,too,Miranda.Ido.”Slowly,reluctantly,hebackedaway,andsheletherhands

falltohersides.“ButIcan’t.Notthisway.Formeit’sallornothing.”“I’mnotready.”Hewedgedhishandsinthepocketsofhisjeans.“Thenwewait.”Andsherespectedhimforthat.Shereallydid.Theyhadmadesomerealprogresstoday.Sowhywasitbeginningtofeelasthough,foreverysteptheytookforward,they

inevitablytookonebackward?Untiltheywererightbacktowheretheystarted.MirandawasfinallygoingtomeetZack’sbrother.RichandTaylor’sflighthadlandedtwentyminutesago,sotheywouldbeappearingany

minutenow.SheandZackwaitedinbaggageclaim,andthelongertheystoodthere,themoreMirandagottothinking,whatifRichdidn’tlikeher?Wasn’thetheultimatespokesmanforZack’sprogram?Whatif,unlikeTaylor,hedidn’tapproveofMirandaandZack’srelationship?

Amonthagoitwouldn’thavemattered.Mirandawouldn’thavecaredwhatanyonethought.Butthingsweredifferentnow.SheknewhowcloseZackandhisbrotherwere,andthatwasn’tadynamicshewantedtomesswith.

“Relax.He’sgoingtoloveyou,”Zacksaid.Mirandashothimalook.Onethatsaid,WhyshouldIcare?“You’rechewingyourlip.Youonlydothatwhenyou’renervous.”Didshe?Figureshewouldnoticethatsortofthing.“Okay,”sheconceded.“Imightbealittlenervous.”Hetuggedhertohim,herbacktohischest.Heworehisdisguise,anddidn’tseemallthat

worriedaboutpeoplerecognizingthem.Heloopedhisarmsaroundherwaistandrestedhischinonthetopofherhead.Sherelaxedagainsthim,feltherselfbeingenvelopedbythewarmthofhisskin,thestrengthofhisarms.Shelikedwhenhetouchedherthisway.Itmadeherfeelso…normal.Liketheywereanactualcouple.

“Don’tworry.We’regoingtohaveagreatweekend,”hesaid.Shehopedso.“Theretheyare!”Heletgoofher,andforaninstantshethoughtthatmaybehedidn’twant

Richtoseethemlookingsointimate.Thenhetookherhand,weavinghisfingersthroughhers,andtuggedheralongbesidehim.

IttookMirandaaminutetopickTayloroutfromthecrowd,andwhenhereyeslandedonRich,shesuckedinasurprisedbreath.

Inshorts,apoloshirt,abaseballcapandsunglasses,helookedsoordinary.Likewise,Taylorwasdressedcasuallyandhadpulledherhairbackinaponytail.WherewasthepowercoupleMirandahadbeenexpecting?Theyseemedsoaverage.ButbeforeMirandacouldgiveitmuchmorethought,Taylorthrewherarmsaroundher

andhuggedher.Shewassostunned,shealmostforgottohugherback.

“It’ssogoodtoseeyouagain!”SheheldMirandaatarm’slengthandlookedherupanddown.“Youlookwonderful!Howhaveyoubeenfeeling?”

“Better,”Mirandatoldher.Shewasfeelingqueasyrightnow,butnotthatoverwhelmingsensethatifshemovedshewouldhurl.Anditwasonlyeightinthemorning.

RichandZackembraced,andnotoneofthosestandoffish,I-love-you-but-let’s-not-overdo-itdealsthatmendo.Theygrabbedholdandheldon,reallysqueezed,liketheymeantit.Itwasobvioustheyhadaveryspecialbond.

Mirandahadneverseenherbrothershugthisway.Infact,shewasn’tsureiftheyhadeverhuggedeachother.

“Rich,”Zacksaid.“I’dlikeyoutomeetMiranda.Miranda,thisismybrother,Rich.”HehadasmilejustlikeZack’s,andwhenhetookhissunglassesoffandhookedthemin

theveeofhiscollar,shecouldseethatitextendedallthewaytohiseyes.Theywerethesamebrilliantblueashisbrother’sandjustaswarmandcongenial.

Theyhadn’texchangedawordyetandalreadyshelikedhim.Butwhatwouldhethinkofher?Heclaspedherhandbetweenhistwoandshookitwarmly.“I’veheardsomuchaboutyou,

IfeelasthoughIalreadyknowyou.”Andhewasnothinglikesheexpected.“I’malmostafraidtoaskwhatyou’veheard.”Helaughed.“Allgood,believeme.AlthoughforthelifeofmeIcan’timaginewhatyou’re

doingwiththisidiot.”Hepointedathumbtowardhisbrother.“Thanks,”Zacksaid,givinghimaplayfulpunchinthearm.“Let’sgetthebags.”Theylocatedtheturnstileandgrabbedtheluggageandgolfgearfromtheconveyerbelt.

AstheywalkedouttotherentedSUV,Mirandaquietlywatchedtheinteractionbetweenthethreeofthem.Thecamaraderie.Taylorwasdefinitelyoneofthem.Shewasfamily.ZackandRichwerebrothersineverysenseoftheword.Theyweren’tjustfamily.Theywerefriends.

Shecouldn’trememberatimewhensheandherbrothershadbeensoopenlyaffectionate.Andtheydidn’tseemtolikeherallthatmuch.Mostlytheytreatedherasthoughshewasbeneaththem.Anuisancetheytoleratedonlybecausetheyhadto.Withhersisters-in-lawshewascoollypolite.

Evenhermarriagehadlackedthatelementofwarmth.Thecloseness.Kirkneverwouldhavegrabbedherhandandheldit,lacedhisfingersthroughhersthewayZackdidastheywerewalkingtothecar.Hewouldn’thavebrushedhisfingersagainstherarmashehelpedherintothepassengerseat,orsmiledthateasysmilethatsaidhewashappytobewithher.

Shewastheblacksheepofherfamily.Theoutsider.Evenwithherownhusband.Anditwasn’tanyone’sfaultbutherown.Shehadsettledforthat.She’dletithappen.The

nexttimeshesettleddownwithsomeone,whetherthatsomeonehappenedtobeZackoranotherman,thingswouldbedifferent.

FromtheairporttheywentstraighttotheDallasZoo.ShemighthavethoughtacouplelikeTaylorandRichardwouldpreferamuseumtour.Anotherreminderthatshe’ddrawntoomanyconclusions,andthatshehadtheartisticabilityofagnat.

Fromthezootheywenttotheaquarium,thenontodinneratacasual,authenticMexicanrestaurant.Themoodwaslight,festiveandMirandacouldn’trememberthelasttimeshe’dhadsomuchfun.NightsoutwithKirkhadalwaysbeenmoreofanobligationthanapleasure.Iftheyweren’taccompanyinganimportantclienttothetheaterortheoperatheywereatafund-raiserorouttodinnerwithabusinessassociate.Theyneverdidanythingjustbecauseitwasfun.

Theyhadalongleisurelymeal,chattedaboutcurrenteventsandmoviesandpolitics.Richwasconservativebutnottoofartotheright,passionatewithoutbeingpreachyorjudgmental.MirandawasastaunchDemocrat,butafteronlyonedayshecouldseeherselfvotingforamanlikeRich.Therewassomethingabouthim,somethingsohonestandtrustworthy.

AndthentherewasZack.Allthroughdinnerhesatclose,hisarmdrapedcasuallyoverthebackoftheboothbehindMiranda,absentlygrazinghershoulderwithhisthumb.Alldaytheyhadheldhands,touchedintheintimatelittlewayscouplesoftendid.Noonewouldguesstheyweren’tarealcouple.

AndMirandawashavingatoughtimetryingtofigureoutwhatitwasthatwasholdingherback.

Later,atZack’scondo,theydrankwine—orinMiranda’scase,mineralwater—andjusttalked.ZackandRichhadendlessfunnystories,anecdotesfromtheirchildhoodandcollege.Although,Mirandanoticed,neithersaidmuchabouttheirparents.Maybesomethingswerebetterleftunsaid.

ItwasaftermidnightwhenRichandTaylorturnedinandZackwalkedMirandaacrossthestreettohercondo.Theairwaswarmandthick,butalightbreezeblew.

“Ihadareallygoodtimetoday,”shetoldhim.“Richisgreat.”Hetookherkeysandopenedthedoorforher.Hewasintheshadowoftheporchlight,but

shecouldjustmakeouttheshapeofhisface,thecontourofhisfeatures.“HetoldmethatifIdon’tmarryyou,I’manevenbiggeridiotthanhethought.”

“Whatdidyoutellhim?”“ThatI’mworkingonit.”Somethingstruckherjustthen.Thehonestyofhiswordsmaybe,orthegoodvibesfrom

theday,butonimpulsesheroseuponhertoesandkissedhim.Itwasmeanttobebrief,notmuchmorethanapeck,butZackcaughtherbehindtheneckandheldherthere,deepeningthekiss.

Andshemelted.Herkneeswentsoftandherheadfeltlight.Hetastedlikewineandsomethingspicy.

Hecurledhisfingersintoherhair,slippedhisotherarmaroundheranddrewheragainsthim.Theperfectendtoaperfectday.Butnowshedidn’twantittoend.Onestepbackandtheywouldbeinherlivingroom.Andonlyanothercoupledozentothebedroom.

“Comeinside,”shewhisperedagainsthislips.“Staywithme.”Shefelthishesitation.Heleanedbacktolookinhereyes.“Marryme.”Itwassotempting,theideaofsayingyes,iffornootherreasonthattogethiminherbed.

Butshecouldneverdothattohim.Shecouldneverbethatdishonest.Andheknewheranswer;shecouldfeelthepullofhisdisappointmentbeforesheeven

spoke.Andstillshewasn’treadytothrowinthetowel.“I’mnotsayingno.”Heletgoandbackedawayandsheknewshe’dlosthim.“It’snotthesamething.”No,itwasn’t.Butevenaftertoday—especiallyaftertoday—shecouldn’tmakeanyrash

decisions.Shewascompromisedbythewarmfuzzies.Whatifshesaidyestonightandwokeinthemorningtorealizeshe’dmadeamistake?Itwasn’tadecisionshecouldjusttakeback.“I’mjustnotready.”

“ThenIcan’tstay.”Hesteppedback,awayfromher,evenfartheroutofthelight,buthisdisappointmentwasastangibleandsolidastheconcreteunderherfeet.Asintenseasherown.

Yetsherespectedhisdecision.Sheevenadmiredhimforit.Buttherehadtobesomemiddlegroundintheirvalues.Somesortofcompromise.

“Weteeoffatnine-fifteentomorrow,”hesaid.“I’llbeready.”“ThenIguessI’llseeyoutomorrow.”“Iguess.”Hehesitated,likehemightsaysomethingelse,thenheturnedandheadedacrossthestreet.Regretanduncertaintyateaholeinherbellyasshewatchedhimgo.Watchedhimopen

hisowndooranddisappearinside.Today,forthefirsttimeinherlife,she’dfeltasthoughshewaspartofarealfamily.One

thatwouldneverjudgeorbelittleher.Onethatwouldtreatherasanequal.Shefeltlikeshebelonged.Shehadn’trealizeduntiltodayjustnowhowmuchshelongedforthat.Howimportantitwastoher.Anditmadeherallthemoredeterminedtotakethisslow.Tobesureitwaswhattheybothreallywanted.

Hewasperfectineveryway,stillitfeltasthoughsomethingwasmissing,asiftheywerebothholdingsomethingback.

Anduntilshefiguredoutwhatthatsomethingwas,thingswouldhavetostayjustthewaytheywere.

ThecondowasstillandsilentwhenZackwalkedthroughthedoor,butashiseyesadjustedtothedark,hesawRichsittingonthecouch,aglassofwinebalancedinonepalm.“Ithoughtyouwenttobed.”

Heswirledthewine,thensipped.“AndIthoughtIwouldn’tseeyouuntilmorning.”Answeringaquestionwithaquestion.Notagoodsign.Ontheoutside,Richseemedfine.

Hismarriage,hiscareer.ButZackknewhisbrotherwellenoughtorecognizewhensomethingwaswrong.Today,somethinghadbeenoff.

Zacksettledintothechairacrossfromhim.“Youwanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”“Ican’thideanythingfromyou,canI?”Richsighed,alongtiredsound.“Money.Infertility.Takeyourpick.”“Isthatit?”“That’snotenough?”Heshookhishead.“ButyouknowTaylor.She’satrooper.Everytimewegetbadnews,orshehasanothermiscarriage,shepicksherselfup,brushes

offandforgesahead.”“Icouldrecommendacounselor—”“We’refine,Zack.IfIfeelmymarriageisindanger,you’llbethefirstonetoknow.”Zackhopedthatwastrue.AndRichcouldn’tfaulthimforworrying.Theydependedon

eachother.RidingthecoattailsofZack’sreputation,Richhadbuiltthefoundationforhiscareerinpolitics.Traditionalfamilyvalues.

Paradingtheirinfertilityissuesinthemediahadn’tbeeneasyforeitherofthem,butithadbeengoodforthecause.Inthelongrunitwouldpayoff.

Zackinturnreapedthebenefits.BecauseofRichandTaylorhe’dbuilthisempire.Althoughsometimeshefeltasifthey’dbuiltahouseofcards.Onewrongmoveanditcouldallcomecrashingdown.

“She’stherightoneforyou,”Richsaid.IttookZackasecondtorealizehewastalkingaboutMiranda.“Iknow.”“Ifitwasn’tforthebaby,wouldyouhavepursuedher?Ifyoudidn’thavetoworryabout

themediaandprotectingyourreputation?”

Therewasn’tadoubtinhismind.“Absolutely.”“Rememberthat.”“Why?”Richsethisemptyglassonthecoffeetableandpulledhimselftohisfeet.“Justremember.Don’tforgetwhat’sreallyimportant.Don’tbesobusylivingbytherules

thatyouforgettolive.”Thatmadenosense.Iftheydidn’tlivebytherules,didn’thavestandards,lifewouldbe

chaos.Richstartedtowalktowardthestairs,thenstoppedandturnedbacktohim.“Doyouthink

ifMomandDadhaddivorcedsooner,ifhehadn’tcheatedandlied,thingsmighthavebeendifferentforus?”

Itwasn’toftenRichmentionedtheirparents.Theyhaddeterminedalongtimeagothatthingswerewhattheywere,andtherewasnopointdwellingonit.

Eventuallythewoundswouldheal,thescarswouldfade.Zackshrugged.“Maybe.Maybenot.We’llneverknow.”Richnodded.“Iguessnot.Seeyouinthemorning.”Zackwatchedhimwalkupthestairs,heardhisfootstepsoverheadashewalkedtothe

bedroom,wonderingwhatthatwasallabout.HealsohadtheuneasyfeelingtherewassomethinggoingonthatRichwasn’ttellinghim.Thefollowingdaywasaspackedwithactivityasthelast.Golfing,shopping,sightseeing.

By7:00p.m.,whentheydroppedTaylorandRichattheairport,Mirandawasexhausted.Thefactthat’dshe’dhardlysleptthenightbeforewasn’thelpingmatters.ShedozedmostofthewayhomefromtheairportandZackhadtonudgeherawake.

“Homesweethome,”hesaid.Sheopenedhereyesandrealizedtheywereinherdriveway.Usuallyheparkedinhisand

walkedheracrossthestreet.Shecoveredayawnwiththebackofherhand.“Can’twaittogetridofme,huh?”

“Ileaveinthemorning.Ihaveafewthingstopickup,andpackingtodo.”Twoweeksawayfromeachother.Itseemedlikesuchalongtime.“It’sgoingtobe

strange,younotbeinghere.”“Ithinkthetimeawaymightbegoodforus.”HeputthecarinParkandlookedoverat

her.“It’llgiveusboththechancetofigureoutourfeelings.Tostepbackanddecidewherewegofromhere.”

Whathewasreallysayingwas,hewantedhertomakeadecision.Notthatsheblamedhim.Hewasprobablytiredofbeingstrungalong,theprospectofarelationshipbeingdangledinfrontofhimlikebait.Andhonestly,shedidn’tknowiftwoyearswouldbelongenoughtosortallthemuddledemotions,thefearsandexpectationstangledupinsideher.Andmaybehewasright.Maybetheydidneedtostepback.

“Ithinkthat’sagoodidea,”sheagreed.“Ifthere’sanemergency,youcanreachmethroughmypublicist.”Inotherwords,“Don’tcallme,I’llcallyou.”Alittleharsh.Butfair.“Andifyouneedanythinginthehouse,youhavethekey.OrtheMustang.Driveitallyou

like.”ShewassousedtohavingZackaround,talkingtohimeveryday.Shecouldhardly

imaginewhatitwouldfeellikewithhimnolongerthere.Andthatscaredthehelloutofher.“So,IguessI’llseeyouintwoweeks,”hesaid.

Sheneededtosaysomething,dosomething,butforthelifeofher,shedidn’tknowwhat.Soinsteadshegotoutofthecar.Resistingthealmostunbearableurgetocallhimback,torunafterhim,shewatchedhimbackoutanddriveaway.

Theyweredoingtherightthing,yetshecouldn’tshakethefeelingthatshehadjustroyallyscrewedup.

Chapter12

Thisstepping-backthingtheyweredoingsuckedlemons.Whoevercoinedthephrase“Absencemakestheheartgrowfonder”musthavehadacrystal-balllinkintoMiranda’shead.

Thepastfourteendayshadbeenthelongest,mostlonely,ofMiranda’sentirelife.WithoutZack,somethingwasmissing.Shefelthomesick.Whichmadenosenseatallsinceshewashome.

Maybehomejustwasn’tthesamewithouthimthere.Hadshereallybecomesoattachedtohim?Sousedtohimbeingaround?

You’llgetoverit,shekepttellingherself.Thisfeelingwillgoaway.Buteverydayitjustgotworse.Andevenstranger,shedidn’twantittogoaway.

Itmayhavescaredherhalftodeath,butatthesametime,somethingaboutitfeltgood.Itfeltright.

Sheconsideredallthesacrificinghe’ddoneforher.Thecompromise.He’dmovedclearacrossthecountry,resortedtowearingadisguisesotheycouldbeleftinpeace.He’dtakencareofherwhenshewassick.Cookedforher.Givenherkeystohishouseandhiscar.

Whathadshedone?Otherthanactasaslowcookertohisoffspring.Andwhatif,afterallthistimetothink,he’ddecidedshewasn’tworththetrouble?Toohighmaintenance—that’swhatherexusedtosay.WhatifZackcametotheconclusionthatarelationshipwithherwasjusttoodamnedmuchwork?

Theideamadehersicktoherstomach,whichaweekagowouldn’thavemeantmuch,butshehadn’thadaboutofmorningsicknessinsixdays.Itwasanticipationthrowingheroutofwhacknow.

Zackwasduehomeanyminute.Sheknewbecauseshe’dcheckedtheairlineWebsitetoconfirmthathisflighthadlandedontime.She’dcheckedtwice,justtobesure.

Okay,threetimes.Ifhewasevenontheplane.Whatifhehadchangedhisplansanddecidedtogobackto

Chicagoinstead?Hewouldn’tdothat,sheassuredherself.Hesaidhewouldbeback,andhewould.He

wouldn’tleavewithouttalkingtoher.Shefoughttheurgetositatthefrontwindowandwatchforhim,tolistenforthethroaty

growlofhiscarapproaching.Instead,shebusiedherselfdusting,pickingupclutter,straighteningtherugbythefrontdoor.And,oh,look,thecurtaininthefrontwindowlookedcrooked.Shedefinitelyneededtofixthat.

“Wouldyousitdownalready?”Liannesaidfromherperchonthecouch,glancingupfromhercomputerscreen.“You’remakingmenervous.”

Acaseofwriter’sblockhadhersettingupatemporaryofficeinMiranda’slivingroom.Also,Mirandasuspected,Liannejustlikedtoseeherinagony.

Soagonized,shehadn’tbeensleepingwell.She’drisenatthecrackofdawnthismorning.EarlyenoughtocatchLiannesneakingtheelusive“newboyfriend”

she’dbeenseeingforthepastmonthoutthedoor.The“newboyfriend”Liannehadalreadydated,marriedanddivorced.Twice.Theonewholivedinthecomplexaroundthecorner.

Inonefellswoop,Liannehadbrokeneverysingledocumenteddatingrule.But,inhercurrentsituation,Mirandadidn’tthinkshehadanybusinesslecturinganyoneonrelationships.

Hell,maybesheneverhad.Mirandatoyedwiththesilkydrape,pretendinghereyesweren’twanderingtowardZack’s

emptydriveway,thendownthestreet.“Ilikeacleanhouse,isthatacrime?”“IthinkIlikedyoubetterwhenyouweresick.Whenallyoudidisliearoundandmoan.”“Ididnot!”Liannegrinned.“Chill,honey.He’llgetherewhenhegetshere.”Wasshethattransparent?Thatobvious?Shefeignedinnocence.“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”Liannerolledhereyes.“Uh-huh.Whateveryousay.”Mirandablewoutanexasperatedbreath.Liannewasright.Shewasactinglikean

adolescentwithacrush.“Allright.I’mwaitingforhim.Areyouhappy?”Liannesnortedoutalaugh.“Whydon’tyoujustgivetheguywhathewants?”Acommitment.Anexclusiverelationship.Justthinkingitmadeherheartflip-flopinher

chest.“Whatareyouwaitingfor?AsignfromGod?Thatmanistheclosestthingtoperfectforyouthatyou’reeverlikelytofind.Whenwill

youlearntotrusthim?”BecausetrustingZackwasn’ttheproblem.Thepersonshewashavingtroubletrustingwas

herself.Whichwasevenworse.Zackwastoogood,tooperfectforherinalmosteveryway.Sonaturallytherehadtobea

catch.Therehadtobesomethingtherethatshewasn’tseeing.ButLianne,theunwaveringoptimist,wouldneverunderstandMiranda’sconvolutedlogic.

Mirandadidn’tevenunderstandit.AtleastshenolongerhadtoworrythatmarryingZackwouldruinherwritingcareer.She

wasdoingathoroughjobofthatallbyherself.Intwoweeks,whenshewasexpectedtohandintheoutlineforthebookshehadsupposedlybeenhardatworkplotting,itwouldofficiallybeover.Andoddlyenough,shedidn’treallycareanymore.Fornowshewantedtoconcentrateonbeingagoodmom.Andmaybesomedaydowntheroad,ahalfwaydecentwife.Shecouldgobacktobeingalawyer.

Fromoutsidesheheardthedeepgrowlofacarengineapproaching.Therewasonlyonecarinthecul-de-sacwitharumblelikethat.

Herheartjumpedupintoherthroatandherkneesturnedintosoggynoodles.Shesawabriefflashofblackfromthestreetanddartedawayfromthewindow,pressing

herbacktothewallbesideit.Ifhelookedovershedidn’twanthimtoseeherstandingthere.Shedidn’twanthimtoknowshe’dbeenwatchingforhim.

“Whydon’tyougotalktohim?”Liannesaid.“Ican’t.”Ifsheranacrossthestreetandthrewherselfintohisarms—andthat’sexactly

whatshewasafraidshewouldendupdoing—thebalanceofpowerwouldshifttohissideofthecourt.Shehadtokeepuptheillusionthatshewasincontrol.

“You’reimpossible.”Liannesnappedherlaptopshut.“AtleastZackhasthegoodsensetocomeoverandworkthingsout.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”“Imeanhe’sonhiswayacrossthestreet.”Now?Already?Didn’theneedtogoinsidefirst?Unpack?Takeashower?

Didthismeanhemissedhersomuchhecouldn’twaittoseeher,orhecouldn’twaittobreakitoffsohecouldgetonwithhislife?

Herhandsfeltnumbandshakyandapeculiarbuzzinghummedinherears.Twominutesagoshecouldhardlywaittoseehim,nowshewasterrified.“Youhadbetternotbescrewingwithme,Lianne.”

Shegesturedtothewindow.“Lookforyourself.”“Ifhereallyiswalkingacrossthestreet,Idon’twanthimtoseemewatchinghim.”“Thereissomethingseriouslywrongwithyou.”Liannerosefromthecouchandtucked

hercomputerunderherarm.“Somedayyou’regoingtolookbackonthisandrealizehowridiculousyou’reacting.”

Maybe.Shehopedso.Thebellsounded,reverberatingthroughherskin,intomuscleandbone.Theringinher

earsbecameaclang,andshefeltsodizzyandlight-headedshehadtograbthesideofthecouchforsupport.

IfitwasanyonebutZack,Liannewasdeadmeat.“Well?”LiannesaidwhenMirandadidn’tmove.Shecouldn’tmove.Herlegsfeltheavy,asthoughthey’dbeenweighteddownwithlead,

thencementedtothecarpet.“Don’tworry,I’llgetit.”Liannewalkedtothedoorandflungitopen.Therewasashortpause,thenMirandaheardZacksay,“Oh.Hi.”“Don’tworry,”Liannesaid.“I’monmywayout.”Thatfeelingofheaviness,thetinglynumbness,wascreepingupintoherarms.ThedoorclosedbehindLianne—slammedactually—thenitwasZackstandingthere.Zack,whoshehaddesperatelymissedforfourteendays.Zack,cleanshavenandsexyas

hellinfadedjeans,docksidersandaT-shirt.Hishandswerewedgedinhispantspockets.“Hi.”Sheswallowedthemonster-sizelumpinherthroat,buthervoicestillcameoutscratchy

anduneven.“Hi.”“Imissedyou.”Hishonestystunnedher.Didn’therealizethathewasgivinghertheupperhand?Giving

herallthecontrol?Maybeheknewandjustdidn’tcare.Onceagainhe’dmanagedtodoexactlytherightthing.Hetookasteptowardher.Thenanother.Thenonemore,untilhewasstandingrightin

frontofher.Shesuckedinadeepbreath,gatheringhercourage.Saywhatyou’refeelingyouidiot.Go

outonalimbandtrustyourfeelings.“Iwantustobeacouple,”shesaid,thewordstumblingoutbeforeshecouldeditthemfor

content.“Anexclusive,committedcouple.”Maybeshehadn’tmeanttobethathonest,buthisgrinmadeitworththeeffort.“Doyoureallymeanthat,orareyoujusttryingtogetintomypants?”“Ireallymeanit.”Hecuppedherfaceinhishandsandbrushedhislipsoverhers.Sotenderandsweet.And

ratherthanfeelingfreakedoutandclaustrophobic,shefelt…happy.Butwhatifheaskedhertomarryhim?Commitmentshecoulddo,theholybondsof

matrimonymightbepushingitabit.

Buthedidn’task.Insteadhenibbledherlowerlip,sankhisfingersthroughherhair.“AtleasttentimesadayIhadtofightnottopickupthephoneandcallyou.”

“Me,too,”sheadmitted.Thattinglynumbnesshadmovedintoherhead,buzzedaroundinherbrain.“Nomoresteppingback.”

“Agreed.”Hedeepenedthekiss,andthespacearoundthemseemedtosparkandsizzlewithdesire.Shealwaysknewtheyhadgoodchemistry,butthiswasoffthecharts.

Ratherthanwalkinghertoherbedroom,hesweptherrightupoffherfeetandcarriedherthere.Shedidamentalonce-overofherbedroom.Werethereanydirtyunderwearonthefloor?Werethesheetsclean?Noembarrassingfeminineproductslyingoutinplainsight?

No.Yes.No.Theywereinbusiness.Shenibbledhisneck,ranherfingersthroughhishair.Shewantedtotouchhimallover.Hesetherdownbesidethebed,kissedheruntilherheadfeltmushyandherkneeswere

weak.ShetuggedhisT-shirtfromthewaistofhispantsandbrokeawayonlylongenoughtopullitoverhishead.Hedidthesametoher,thenwenttoworkonhershorts.Therewasasenseofurgency,asthoughtheywereinaracetoseehowfasttheycouldgeteachothernaked.

Helaidherdownonthebedandeasedinbesideher.Nomatterwhatshedid,howshetouchedhim,itwasn’tenough.Shecouldn’tgetcloseenough.Shewantedtocurlupinsideofhim.

Thatnightinthehotelhadbeenhotanderotic.Therehadbeenasenseofurgency.Ofdanger.Nowtheyhadallthetimeintheworld.Iftheywantedtomakeloveallnight,intotheweehoursofthemorning,thensleepuntilnoon,therewasnothingtostopthem.Noeleven-o’clockcheckout.Noflighttocatch.

Noawkwardgoodbyes.Tonightshedidn’twanttorush.Shejustwantedtoliethereandenjoy.Hishandsstrokedandexplored,movedoverherbodylikeaneroticdance,teethnippedat

herskin.Sheletherselfsinkdeeperunderhisspell.Letthewarmshiverssettleindeepandtakehold,untiltheshiversbecameaquake.Arumbleofsensationandemotionthatrockedherfromheadtotoe,fromtheinsideout,thenbackinagain.

Shetriedtoopenhereyes,buttheyfeltweighteddownandlazy.Shewasneitherasleepnorawake.Caughtsomewherebetweendreamandreality.Hewastalkingtoher,sexywordsthatseemedtoblendtogetherandmuddleupinherbrainuntiltheysoundedlikenonsense.

More.Sheneededmore.Sheneededitnow.Shefeltlikeunreelingherselfacrossthemattress,stretchingasfarashermusclesand

tendonswouldallow.Lengtheningherbones.Butwhenshetried,thewidthofhishipsgotinherway.Soinstead,shewrappedherlegsaroundhim,drawinghimcloser.Felthishardlengthagainstthepartofherthatwasachingandneedy.Shecrossedheranklesandlockedherselfaroundhiships,trappinghim.

AgroanrumbledfromZack’schestandhislipscamedownhardonhers.Demandingandsweetatthesametime.Aggressiveanddeterminedbutundeniablygentle.

Theroomspunaroundherlikeacarnivalride.Shefeltthatifshedidn’tfeelhiminsideherrightthisinstant,shewouldgooutofhermind.Andbecausehecouldreadherthoughts,anticipatehereverywantandneed,herockedhishipsjustso,easedhimselfinsideherwithonelong,slow,stroke.

Yes…

Shelethimtakethelead,setthepace.Shegaveherselfpermissiontoletgoandtrusthim,convincedwitheveryfiberofherbeingthatnotwopeoplehadeverbeencloser,hadeverconnectedsocompletely,assheandZackdidatthatverymoment.Andwhensheheardhimmoanlowinhischest,felthismusclestightenandcoil,shelostit.Instantlyandcompletely.Herownstrangledmoanwasallshecouldhear,allshecouldcomprehend,asthepleasurecrasheddownanddraggedherunder.Excruciatingandperfect.

Andforthefirsttimeinalongtimeshewasn’tafraid.Mirandalayinbed,limpandsatedaftersomeveryenthusiasticmorningsex.“Areyoustillwithme?”Sheopenedoneeye.Zacklayonhissidenexttoher,proppeduponhiselbow,looking

downatherwiththatgrin.Theadorable,vaguelymischievousonethattoldherhewasuptonogood.“Sortof.”

“IthoughtIwastheonewhowassupposedtorolloverandgotosleep.”“WhatcanIsay?Youworemeout.Whattimeisitanyway?”Heglancedoveratthedigitalclockonherbedsidetable.“Seven-thirty.”“Ugh.Tooearly.”Sheclosedhereyes.“Needsleep.”“Wakeup.”Henibbledherthroat,herchin,theshellofherear.Shegroanedandpulledthepillowoverherhead.He’dkeptherupuntilwellafter

midnight,whichlatelywaswaypastherbedtime.Theyhadn’tdiscussedthepossibilityofhimspendingthenight.Allsheknewwasthat

she’ddriftedofftosleepinhisarms,andwhenshe’dopenedhereyes,theroomwasfloodedwithlightandtherehelaybesideher.Itdidn’tfeelasweirdasshethoughtitmight.Infact,shekindoflikedit.Itfelt…right.

Hetriedtotugthepillowaway,butsheheldon.“Areyougoingbacktosleep?”“Gee,youthink?”shemumbled.“Givemeanothertenminutes.”Shefeltaverylarge,warmhandcupherleftbreast.Pinch

lightly.“Twentytops.”“I’mtired,”sheprotested.“I’msleepingfortwo.”“I’llmakeitworthyourwhile.Ipromise.”Sheknewthatwasapromisehewouldkeep.Shecouldn’tbeonehundredpercentpositive,

butshewasprettysurethatpregnantsexwasdifferentfromregularsex.Itfeltmorepassionate.Moreintense.Butitwasn’tenoughtokeepherconscious.

Sheheardhimtalkingbutshewasalreadydriftingoff.Intoadeep,dreamlesssleep.Whensheopenedhereyesagainshewasalone,buttherewasanoteonthepillowbeside

her.Wenthometowork.XOXOZShepressedthepillowtohernose,inhaledthescentofZackonit.Nice.Sherolledoverandlookedattheclock.Itwasalreadyafterten.Shecollapsedontoher

backandsighed.She’dsleptforalmostninehours—giveortake—andstillshewasexhausted.Butifshedidn’tgetupnow,shewouldprobablysleepallday.Andsheshouldatleastmakeanattemptatwriting.Maybeanightofsinanddebaucherywasexactlywhatsheneededtogetthecreativejuicesflowing.

Sheshovedherselfoutofbedandstumbled,eyeshalf-closed,tothebathroom.

Twentyminuteslater,freshlyshoweredanddressed,withherhairpulledbackinaponytail,sheheadeddownthestairstothekitchen.

Sheforagedthroughthefridge,foundasliceofleftoverpizzaandscarfeditdown.Lately,inthepastweekanyway,itseemedasthoughallshedidwasthinkaboutfood.Evenhermiseryhadn’tbeenenoughtocrushhervoraciousappetite.

NextshepolishedofftheleftoverchowmienLiannehadbroughtoverforlunchyesterday,thenroundedthemealoffwithahandfulofchocolate-coveredpretzels.

Aftersheate,shebrushedherteeth,appliedhercherry-flavoredlipglossandatouchofmascara,thenheadeddownthehalltoheroffice.Shestoppedinthedoorway.

Justgoin,sheurgedherself.Youcandoit.Todayisthedayyou’llbebrilliant.Justonequick,painlessstep.

Anydaynowheragentwouldbecallingandnagging,warninghertogettheproposalinthemailpronto.Butshecouldn’tdoit.Shecouldn’ttakethatfirststep,becausesheknewwhenshedid,whenshetookherseatandbootedhercomputer,hermindwouldstillbeasblankasarecentlyscrubbedchalk-board.

Theideas,theanswers,justweren’tthere.Swallowingbackthedreadclawingitswayupherthroat,sheheadeddownthestairs

instead.Shegrabbedherkeysfromthecoffeetableandheadedacrossthestreet.Sheconsideredknocking,butfiguredtheywerepastthatformality.Itwasunlocked,soshe

letherselfin.Thecondowasquietandstill,butshecaughtthescentofsomethingspicyanddeliciousdriftingfromthekitchen.Despitehavingjustscarfedhalfthecontentsofherrefrigerator,herstomachrumbledinanticipation.

Zackwasnowheretobefoundonthefirstfloor,soshewentupstairs.Shefoundhiminhisoffice,athiscomputertappingawayonthekeyboard,browwrinkledwithconcentration.

Whateverhewasdoing,hewasutterlyimmersed.Foraminuteshestoodthereundetected,watchinghim.Memorizingthecontoursofhisface,theshapeofhislipsandeyes.Thewayhisheadcockedslightlytotheleftwhenhewasfocused.

Shehadalwaysbeendrawntoattractivemen.Althoughinherexperience,manywerelackingthecorrespondingpersonality.

Zackhadlooks,personality,intelligence.Hewashonest,andhehadagreatsenseofhumor.Andhewasamazinginbed.Whatmorecouldsheaskfor?Whenshefiguredthatout,shewouldprobablyberacingtothealtar.

Helookedup,sawherstandingthere,andhisfacespreadwidewiththathappy-to-see-yousmile.“Goodmorning.”

“Um,it’safternoonactually.”Helookedattheclock.“Soitis.Iguessthetimegotawayfromme.Didyousleepwell?”“Likethedead.”Shetookatentativestepoverthethreshold.“AmIdisturbingyou?”“Nope.Iwasjustfinishingupnextweek’scolumn.”Anundeniableandintensestingofjealousysnappedthroughher.Ifonlyshecouldwrite

likethat.Ifonlysheknewwheretobegin.“GivemetwominutesandI’llbefinished.”“Norush.”She’donlybeeninhisofficeafewtimesforshortperiods.She’dneverreallytakenthe

timetoinvestigate.Youcouldtellalotaboutamanbythecontentsofhisoffice.Itwasverymasculine.Darkmaplefurniture,forest-greenwalls.

Andclean.Notjustclean,butorganized.Asperfectastherestofthehouse.

Tooperfect,maybe?Sherolledhereyes.Don’tevenstart,shechastisedherself.Shekeptherhouseclean,too,

andshewasasflawedandquirkyasthenextperson.Probablyworse.Shewanderedacrosstheroomtothebookshelf,scanningthetitlesneatlylinedthere.

Mostlypsychreference.Afewbooksonfinance.Theshelfbelowitwasdevotedentirelytopastissuesofvariouscarmagazines.Prettyrun-of-the-mill.Menalwayskepttheinterestingstuffhidden.Alessonshe’dlearnedthehardway.

Severalyearsagoshedatedaveryconservativemiddle-schoolteachershe’dmetthroughamutualfriend.Hewasacutelynormal.Averagetothepointofbeingboring.Andatthetime,thatwasexactlywhatshe’dbeenlookingfor.Atthatpointinherlife,shedidn’twantanysurprises.Justeasyandpredictable.

Sowhatiftheydidn’texactlyburnupthesheets?Hewasniceandhewaspoliteanddidn’thaveanystrangehang-ups.Orsoshethought.Untilsheusedhiscomputertocheckhere-mailonemorningwhilehewasintheshower.Hewouldn’tmind,shefigured.Whatcouldhepossiblyhavetohide?

Onthedesktopshenoticedadrivenamed“funstuff,”andnaturallyshefigureditwaswherehekepthiscomputergames.Maybeajokeortwo.So,beingthecurioustype,sheopenedit.

Nogamesorjokes.WhatshefoundwasfileafterfileofInternetporn.Whichinitselfwasn’taterriblething.Menlikedtolookatnakedwomen.Nobigdeal.

Theproblemwas,asshebeganopeningthefiles,therewerenowomen.Apparentlythereasontheirsexlifewasn’texactlysmokin’wasbecauseshewasn’tanadolescentmale.

SheturnedtoZack.“Ihaveaquestion.”Helookedupather.“Okay.”“Hypothetically,ifIweretoaskifIcoulddoasystem-widesearchofyourcomputer,

wouldyouletme?”Hesatbackinhischair,calmlyfoldedhishandsinhislapandlookedatherasthoughshe

hadsproutedasecondhead.“Huh?”“Youheardme.”“YouthinkI’maSovietspyorsomething?”Shefeltadashofdisappointment.“Sotheanswerisno?”“Thisisanotheroneofthosetests,isn’tit?”Hesighedandpushedhischairback,then

gesturedtohiscomputer.“I’mnotsurewhatyou’reexpectingtofind,buthaveatit.”Maybehewasbluffing.Shesteppedclosertothesideofhisdesk,asifshemightjustdoit.

Hedidn’tflinch.“Youwouldreallyletmelook?”“I’mnotgoingtoletyoulook.”Heclaspedahandaroundherwristandtuggedherdown

intohislap.“I’mgoingtomakeyoulook.”“It’sokay.Ibelieveyou.Really.”Shetriedtopullherselfup,buthehookedanarmaround

herwaistsoshecouldn’tgetaway.Shewasinstantlystruckwithanoverwhelmingsenseofpeace,afeelingofsafety.Hewouldalwaystakecareofher,bethereforher.

Itwasn’tanillusion.Itwasreal.Andifshekeptdoubtinghim,hewasboundtogettiredoftryingtoprovehimselftoher.Thedaywouldcomewhenhewouldlookatherandthink,Sheissonot

worthit.Hischestmoldedagainstherback,solidanddependable.Andwarm.Almoststeamy.

Hmm,thiswasnice.Withhisfreehandhemanipulatedthemouseandopeneda“search”window.“Whatare

welookingfor?Governmentsecrets…dirtypictures?”Shebitherlip.Heglancedupather,agrintuggingatthecornerofhismouth.“It’sdirtypictures,isn’tit?

Orareyoulookingforevidenceofillicitchatroomdiscussions?Videoclipsinvolvingsmallmammals?”

“You’vemadeyourpoint,”shesaid,butdidn’tmakeanefforttountangleherselffromhisgrip.

“HaveI?”“Nomoretests?”“Youpromise?”“Ipromise.”Heloosenedhisarm,butkeptitloopedaroundher.“Fortherecord,Idon’thauntchat

roomsorsurftheWebforporn.I’mnotgoingtodenyhavingpurchasedamagazineortwoatsomepointinmylife.ButevenifIwasthekindofmanwhogotoffonInternetporn,consideringmyprofessionalimage,doyoureallythinkIwouldbestupidenoughtokeeptheevidenceonmycomputer?”

She’dneverreallythoughtofitthatway.Heshiftedherinhislap,sohecouldseeherface.“Nexttimeifyouwanttoknow

something,justask.”“Iwill.Ipromise.”Abookonhisdeskcaughthereye.Tuckedaway,underastackofmanilafolders,wasthe

bindingofwhatlookedlikeaphotoalbum.Shewasinstantlyintrigued.Shereachedoverandtuggedthecorner.“Familypictures?”“Afew.”“DoyoumindifItakealook?”Heshrugged.“Helpyourself.”Shepulledthealbumfromunderthefolders,struckwithanundeniableshiverof

excitement.Hewatchedoverhershoulderassheflippeditopen.Thefirstfewpageswerefilledwith

olderphotos,fromwhenheandhisbrotherwerekids.TheycouldhavebeenpluckeddirectlyfromthesetofTheBradyBunch.“Groovyclothes.”

“WhatcanIsay,itwastheseventies.”TherewasashotofZackandRichwiththeirfather.Thephotowastakenoutside,inthe

woods.Theystoodclose,headsbowed,examiningsomesmallitemtheirfatherwasholding.“Yourdadwasahandsomeman.Youlookjustlikehim.”

Heflashedheragrin.“So,youthinkI’mhandsome?”Sherolledhereyes.“Oh,please.Menwholookasgoodasyoualwaysknowhowgood

theylook.”Sheflippedthepagetoafive-by-sevenshotofhisfamily.Zackcouldn’thavebeenmore

thantenoreleven.Itwasyouraverage,run-of-the-millfamilyportrait.Untilshelookedcloser.

Thesmileswerealittleforcedanddidn’tquitereachtheireyes.Hismomwasyoungandstrikinglybeautiful,yettherewassomethingabouther,hereyesmaybe,thatlookedoldandtired.Andsad.“Yourparentswereahandsomecouple.”

“You’veheardthesaying‘Looksaren’teverything’?”Sheheardahintofsadnessinhisvoice.“Shedrankalot?”“Everychanceshegot,untilshedrankherselftodeath.”HerheartachedforZackandhisbrother.Butseeingnoneedtodwellonit,tokillhisgood

moodwithcrummymemoriesofhispast,sheflippedthepage.Shewaspropelledforwardintimeabouttenyears,intothemideighties,toaphotoofahard-coreheavy-metalrockbandinwhatlookedlikeagaragestudio.

Ittookasecondtoprocessthattheleadsinger,theonewiththelong,teasedhair,skintightredleatherpantsandleopardprintshirt,wasincrediblyfamiliar.“Isthisyou?”

“Youcouldcallthesemyrebelliousdays.”“Youwereinahairband?And,oh,myGod,isthatanearring?”“Iwantedtobearockstar.”Sheleanedforwardtogetabetterlook.“Oh,mygosh,Zack,youwerehot!”Hegrinned.“Wewereactuallyprettygood.”“Thekeyboardplayerlookslike,oh,myGod,isthatTaylor?”“Shelooksdifferentwithpinkhair,huh?”“Isthathowyoutwomet?”Henodded.Therestofthepageswereempty.Andjustwhenitwasgettinggood.Sheshoulderedaway

adashofdisappointmentandclosedthealbum.Shewantedtoseemore.Knowmore.“Ifeelsoinadequate.Iwasatotalnerdinhighschool.”

Heshotheradisbelievinglook.“No,seriously,Iwas.AllIcaredaboutwasgettinggoodgrades.Iwasunderthedelusion

thatitwouldmakemyfatherproud.Wasn’tIsurprisedwhenIrealizedallhereallywantedmetodowasgetmarriedandmakebabies.”

“Butyoudidn’thavechildrenwithyourhusband.”“Iwasn’tready.”Sheleanedbackagainsthischest,letherheadrestinthecrookofhis

neck.Thiswascomfortable.Thiswasverycomfortable.“Iwantedtofocusonmycareer.Thehonesttruthis,Iwasn’treadytogetmarried,either.”

“Sowhydidyou?”“Hewasthesonofmyfather’sbusinesspartner.AslongasIcanremembertheytalked

aboutusgettingmarried.Afteryearsofhearinghowperfectsomeoneisforyou,Iguessyougetbrainwashedintothinkingit’strue.”

“Soitwasanarrangedmarriage?”“Archaicasthatsounds,Iguessinawayitwas.Itgoesbacktothatneedtopleasemy

father.WhatIdidn’trealizeatthetimeisthatIwasactuallymarryingmyfather.Kirkwasjustlikehim.Hewantedawifetoraisehischildren,havedinneronthetableeverynightandthrowdinnerpartiesforclients.Hedidn’tjustwantmeto.Itwasexpected.ItwasneveraboutwhatIwanted.”

“Didyourhusbandphysicallyabuseyou?”Hisquestionnearlyknockedheroffhislap.Sheraisedherheadandlookedupathim.

“Whywouldyouaskthat?”“IreadyourbookwhileIwasgone.”

“Youdid?”“Ithoughtitmighthelpme…”Heshrugged.“Idon’tknow,maybegetintoyourhead.

Figurethingsout.”Shelaidherheadbackdownonhisshoulder,feelingtoucheddeepdowntohersoul.He

caredenoughabouthertoreadherbook.Totrytofigureherout.“Iwasprettyopenabouttheverbalabuse.Theconstantcriticism.ButIneversaidanythingaboutbeingphysicallyabused.”

“No,youdidn’t.”Hereacheduptoplaywithherhair,curlinganduncurlingalockaroundhisfinger.“Iwasreadingbetweenthelines.”

“Whatdifferencedoesitmake?”Hetuckedafingerunderherchin,liftedherfacetohis.She’dneverseenhimlookso

serious.Sosincere.“Itmakesadifferencetome.”Asembarrassingasitwas,asmuchasshehatedtoadmittoanyonethatshehadbeenthat

weak,shecouldn’tlietohim.“Itonlyhappenedonce.”“Onceistoomuch.”“Iknowthat.Andthereallysadthingis,tothisday,I’mnotcompletelyconvincedit

wasn’tmyfault.Slightlyhypocriticalcomingfromme,huh?”“DareIaskhowitcouldpossiblybeyourfault?”“We’dbeentryingtogetpregnantfortwoyears,orsohethought.Hefinallyinsistedwe

gotoafertilityspecialist,andIfinallyhadtoadmitthatI’dbeenonthepill.Thatallthetimehehadbeentrying,Ihadbeentryingnotto.Sohehauledoffandpoppedmeone.”Shereachedupandpressedherfingerstoherleftcheek.

UpuntilthenKirkhadhadherthoroughlyconvincedtherewassomethingwrongwithher.Thatasawomansheshouldwantafamily.Shouldenjoycookingandcleaningandchangingdirtydiapers.Thefactthatshedidn’t,ordidn’trightthen,madeherdefectivesomehow.

Butthatday,whenshefeltthestingofhispalmonherface,theexplosionofpaininhereye,hehadcrossedsomeinvisiblelineshehadn’tevenrealizedwasthere.

“Thisisgoingtosoundstrange,butinawayIactuallyfeltrelievedthathedidit.Ifinallyhadanexcusetoleave.Tobreakfree.”

“Ifyouweren’thappy,whydidyouneedanexcuse?”“SoIwouldn’tdisappointmyparents.Becauseaccordingtomywholefamily,Ishould

havebeenhappywithKirk.Ithoughtsomethingwaswrongwithme.ItneveroccurredtomethatIjustdidn’tlovehim.”

“Whathappenedafterhehityou?”“Hebawledlikeababyandbeggedmetoforgivehim.Butatthatpoint,Iwasawomanon

amission.IhadmyescaperouteanddamnedifIwasn’tgoingtotakeit.Ipackedabagandheadedtomyparents’house.ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIfeltfree.

“BythetimeIgottotheirhouseKirkhadalreadycalledthemandtoldthemwhathappened.Iexpectedthemtobeoutragedatwhathe’ddone.”

“Howcouldtheynotbe?”“Becauseapparentlyitwasmyfault.Ihaddrivenhimtoit.”Theyweresodisappointedinher.Soashamed.Theyinsistedthatshegohometoher

husband,whereshebelonged,andbeghisforgiveness.Whatshehaddonetohimwascruel.Maybewhatshe’ddonewaswrong,buttheywereherparents.Theyshouldhavebeenon

hersidenomatterwhat.

Itwasthemomentsherealizedshewastrulyalone.Andtheonlypersonintheworldthatshecouldrelyonwasherself.Itwasthedayallherillusionsaboutloveandmarriageandevenfamilyhadbeencrushedtodustandsweptaway.

“Iwouldneverraiseahandtoyou.”Zacktouchedhercheek,brushedherhairbackfromherface.“Notforanyreason.”

Itwassuchasweetgesture,thewordssosincere,shegotalittlechokedup.“Iknowyouwouldn’t.”Heleanedforwardandkissedher.Oneofthosesweet,brushing-of-the-lipsnumbers.Soft,

likeacaress.Andsodamnedtender.Oh,man.Ifhekeptthatupshewasgoingtocry.Soshekissedhiminstead.Reallykissedhim.Andjustasshebegantogetintoit,intohim,

tosinkintothewarmswellofarousal,thedamnedphonebegantoring.

Chapter13

“Ignoreit,”ZacktoldMirandawhenshestartedtopullaway.“Ifit’simportantthey’llleaveamessage.

Hekissedherlips,herchin,thecurveofherneck.Hecouldn’tgetenoughofher.Thetastesandthescents.Justasithadbeenthatnightinthehotel,onlydifferent.Bettersomehow.Morefamiliarmaybe.

Onhisbelt,hiscellphonestartedtoring.“Maybeyoushouldanswerit.”Heeasedhershirtcollarasideandnippedhershoulder,felthershudderinhisarms.“You

don’twantmetodothat.”Hestartedunbuttoninghershirt,andshemadealow,throatysound.“You’reright,I

don’t.”Theonlythinghisreptilianbraincouldprocesswastheneedtogethernaked,tosink

himselfdeepinsideofheragain.Hewonderedabsentlyifshehadevermadeloveonadesktopbefore.Buttheinstanthiscellstoppedringingthedeskphonestartedupagain.“Oh,forcryin’outloud.”

Awrinkleofconcernsetbetweenherbrows.“Maybeyoushouldanswerit.”Maybeshewasright.Apparentlysomeonewasprettydesperatetogetaholdofhim.He

lookedoveratthecallerID.Itwashispublicist.Thishaddamnwellbetterbegood.Zackmumbledacurseandsnatchedthephoneup.“What?”“TurnonCNN.”“What?”“Turnitonrightnow.”Hecalledforthis?“I’mnowherenearaTV,nottomentionthatI’malittlebusyright

now.”“Thenfindone,dammit,youneedtoseethis.Ihaveanothercall.TurnontheTVandcall

meback.”Heheardaclick,thendeadair.“Whatthehellisgoingon?”Mirandalookeddownrightfrightenednow.“What’swrong?”“Ihavenoidea.”Heeasedhertoherfeetandpushedhimselfupfromthechair.“Butwe’reabouttofindout.MirandawatchedthetelevisioninstunnedsilenceasZack’sbrotherRich,pasty-facedand

sallow,wasledinhandcuffsintotheMarylandPoliceHeadquartersbytwouniformedofficers.Athrongofmediaclosedinlikevulturesonacarcass.Camerasflashedandmicrophoneswerethrustinhisface.

Reportersbeggedforastatement.Acomment.Anything.“Isittrueyouwerecaughtsolicitingtheservicesofaprostitute?”oneasked.“Wasshereallyonlyfifteen?”anotherasked.Morbidcuriositykepthergluedtoherspotonthecouch.Itwasthetenthtimetheyhad

rerunthesegmentandshewasstillhavingatoughtimewrappinghermindaroundit.AcceptingthefactthatZack’sbrotherwascaughtupinasexscandal.

Ithadtobeamistake.AmanlikeRichcouldn’tpossiblybecapableofsomethingsodepravedandsleazy.HeandTaylorweretheperfectcouple.Theylovedeachother.

WhatdidItellyou?thatlittlevoiceinthebackofhermindsaid,Menareneverwhattheyseem.

No,ifRichwasanythinglikeZack,thishadtobeamisunderstanding.Sheleanedovertopeerintothekitchen.Zackwasstillpacing,cellphonegluedtohisear.

He’dbeeninconstantcontactwithhispublicist,agentandattorney.Inbetweencallstothemhe’dbeentrying,withoutluck,toreachTaylor.Itseemedasthoughthesecondthenewsbroke,she’dslippedunderground.Thepress,herfriends,evenherfamilyclaimedtohavenocluewhereshe’ddisappearedto.Butunderthecircumstances,eveniftheydidknow,theymayhavebeenhesitanttotellZack.

Hewantedtoknowifshewasokay,andthoughhehadn’tsaidit,MirandawasguessingthatheneededtoknowifsheplannedtostandbyRich.Rich’scareer,andZack’sreputation,hingedonheractions.

“Stillnocomment,”Zackbarkedtowhoeverwasonthephonethistime.She’dneverheardhimbeanythingbutperfectlypoliteonthephone,nomatterwhohewas

talkingto.Hewasevencordialtothetelemarketerswhoneverfailedtocallheronadailybasis.Rightnowhisnerveswerelikearubberbandstretchedtoitsabsolutelimit.Onemoretwangandshefearedhewouldsnap.

“UntilItalktoRich,wereleasenothingmoretothepress.”Hesnappedthephoneshutandturnedtoher.“ThereisnowamobofreportersoutsidemyapartmentbuildinginChicago.”

Swell.“Atleasttheydon’tknowwhereyoureallyare.”“Yet.”Hetossedthephonedownonthecoffeetableanddroppedontothecouchbeside

her.Hesighedanddroppedhisheadbackagainstthecushions,massagedhistemples.“Ican’tbelievethisishappening.”

“Ithastobeamistake,”shesaid,eventhoughdeepdowninhergutshefearedtheworst.Apparently,sodidhe.“Ifthisisamistake,whereisTaylor?Whyisn’tsheathisside

defendinghim?Whyisn’tsheansweringherdamnedphone?”Shewishedshehadanswersforhim.Wishedtherewassomewayshecouldmakethis

better.Thetroublewithcaringaboutsomeonewashavingtowatchthemsuffer,andlivingwiththehelplessfeelingthattherewasn’tadamnthingshecoulddoaboutit.“Whenwillyougettotalktohim?”

“Accordingtohislawyer,heshouldmakebailsometimethisevening.”AbannerdeclaringbreakingnewsandaphotoofRichflashedontothescreen.“Nowwhat?”Zackgrabbedtheremotecontrolandturnedupthevolume,catchingthe

correspondentmidsentence.“—formerinternforthecongressmanhascomeforwardclaimingshewaspaidhush

moneytokeeparelationshipbetweenherselfandRichardJamesonquiet.Andreportedly,sheisn’ttheonlyone.Representativesforthecongressmanwereunavailableforcomment.”Zack’spicturereplacedtheshotofRich,andMiranda’sheartsank.

“Sourcesconfirmthathisbrother,relationshipguruZackaryJameson,forwhomthecongressmanandhiswifewerespokespeople,isalsodecliningtocomment.

We’llbringyoumoreasinformationbecomesavailable—”Zackmutedthevolume.“They’recomingoutofthewoodworknow.”Thiswasn’tlookinggood.Notatall.Sheopenedhermouthtoutterafewmeaninglesswordsofcomfort,buthisphonestarted

ringingagain.Withaheavysigh,hepickeditupfromthetableandflippeditopen.“Yeah.”Therewasapause.“Yes,Iwaswatching.”Hepushedhimselfupoffthecouch,resumedhis

patternofpacing.“No,Ihaven’tspokenwithhimyet.”Therewasanotherpause,thenhesnapped,“Yes,David,Iunderstandtheconceptofdamagecontrol.”

Byeightthateveningthenews,bothnationalandlocal,hadrunfootageoftheinternconfessingatanimpromptunewsconference,teary-eyedandremorseful,thatshehadindeedparticipatedinasexualrelationshipwithherformerbossandmentor.Andshehadbeenpaidhushmoneytonotonlyhidetherelationship,butthefactthatshehadbeenpregnantwithhischild.Apregnancyhehadcoercedherintoterminating.

ConsideringtheinfertilityproblemsTaylorandRichhadbeenhaving,thatparticularbetrayal,iftrue,wasgoingtocutdeep.

PoorTaylor.Tolearnthatpayingoffhispregnantmistresshaddrainedthemoneytheyneededforthefertilitytreatments.Mirandacouldn’timagineanythingmoreheartbreaking.Tomakemattersworse,beneaththegirl’stears,Mirandacouldseeahintofglee,ashadowofdollarsignsinhereyes.Isthatwhatthiswasabout?Bookcontractsandtalk-showinterviews?

Sadly,peoplewouldlisten,becauseshewasyoungandpretty,andlookedgoodwhenshecried.Whichmadehernothingmorethanamediocreactress.

Zackstillhadn’theardfromhisbrother,andlearnedfromRich’sattorneythathewasstillbeingquestionedandprobablywouldn’tbereleaseduntilthemorning.Inadditiontothenear-constantfootageloopofthepolicehaulingRichawayinhandcuffs,clipsofZacklecturingandpromotinghisbooksbegantohittheairwaves.He’dfinallycavedafewhoursearlierandreleasedastatementtothepress.Somethingtotheeffectof,hewasdisturbedbytheallegations,butwouldwithholdanyjudgmentorfurthercommentuntilatimewhenallthefactsofthecasecametolight.

AlmostimmediatelythepresshadbeguntospeculateifthiswouldmarktheendofZack’sreignastheauthorityonfamilyvalues.Wouldhejeopardizehisreputationandstandbehindhisbrotheror,likethecongressman’swifewhohadyettoshowherface,washhishandsofhim?Andatthispoint,diditevenmatter?

TheyinterspersedthecoveragewithshotsofRichandTaylor’sMarylandtownhouseandZack’sapartmentbuildinginChicago.

SheandZacksatallafternoonandintotheevening,sidebysideonthecouch,eyesgluedtothetelevision—whenhewasn’tonthephone—waitingfornewinformation.TheThaifoodMirandahadorderedfordinnersatmostlyuntouchedonthecoffeetable.

Byeleventhepressbegantospeculateaboutsupposedrumorsofthecongressman’skinkyandunconventionalfetishes.AtthatpointZacksnappedoffthetelevision.“Ican’twatchthisanymore.EverytimeIthinkitcan’tgetworse,thatitcan’tgetanysleazier,itdoes.”Herubbedhiseyeswiththeheelsofhispalms.“Thissucks.”

Shefeltsouseless.“IwishtherewassomethingIcouldsayordo.”Hetouchedhercheek,tuckedherhairbackbehindherear.“Havingyouherewithmeisall

Ineed.”Thatjustmayhavebeenoneofthesweetestthingsanyonehadeversaidtoher.Herfamilysurehadneverseemedtoappreciatehercompanionship.Theirreactiontoher

presencewastypicallyoneofexasperationorimpatience.Howmanytimeshadshebeenaccusedofbeingspoiledandselfish?Incorrigibleanddifficult.

Andallbecauseshedidn’twanttodothingstheirway.Becauseshepreferredtothinkforherselfandnotfollowthegrandplantheyhadconceivedforher.

Zackwasn’tlikethat.Besides,thiswasnotthetimetoworryaboutherself.

Aboutherproblems.Herlife.ThiswasaboutZack,andshewouldbethereforhim,nomatterwhat.

Shesmiledupathimandtookhishand,weavingherfingersthroughhis.Shelikedtouchinghim,justbeingclose.“HowdidImanagetofindyou?HowdidIgetsolucky?”

“YoumightfeeldifferentwhenI’munemployedandlivinginsqualor.Nottomentionshame.”

“That’snotgoingtohappen.You’llfigurethisout.”“AndifIdon’t?IfI’mroyallyscrewed?”Sherestedherheadonhisshoulderandclosedhereyes.“Iwouldloveyou,anyway.”Shewaitedforsomesortofresponse.Anyreactiontothefactthatinaroundaboutsortof

way,shehadjusttoldhimthatshelovedhim.Butthereaction,thewordsnevercame.Hejustsattherebesideher,motionless.Andtherewastension.Shecouldfeelitinhisbody,intheair.

Shetriedtoconvinceherselfthatitdidn’tmeananything.Itwasprobablyjusttoomuchtoingestallinoneday.Hewasoverwroughtandupsetanditwasn’tthetimeforspillingherheartoutalloverhim.

Eventhough,ifsomeonetoldhertheylovedher,shewouldbehappyaboutit.Especiallyifshe’dbeenrepeatedlyaskingthatpersontomarryher.Butshedidn’twanthimtosaythewordsuntilhewasonehundredpercentsure.Hermarriagehadbeenbasedondishonestyandhalf-truths.WithZack,itwouldbe

different.Thatdidn’tmakeherfeelanylesslousy.TheshrillofhiscellphonepluckedZackoutofadeadsleepateight-thirtythefollowing

morning.Hevaultedoutofbed,instantlyawake.Heneversleptthislate.Mustbeaself-defensemechanism.Aslongashewasasleep,hedidn’thavetodealwiththefactthathiscareer,hislife,wasinshambles.

Ittookasecondtoprocessthattheringwascomingfromthebedroomfloor,fromthevicinityofthejeanshe’dtossedtherelastnight.

Mirandawascurledintoaballandstillsleepingsoundlybesidehim.Hedidn’twanttoriskwakingher,sohegrabbedhispantsandcarriedthemintothehallway,shuttingthedoorquietlybehindhim.Whenhedugthephoneoutandlookedatthedisplay,herecognizedthenumberinstantly.

Richard.Heflippeditopen,andinlieuofhello,said,“Areyouokay?”“I’vebeenbetter.”Hesoundedtiredanddefeated.Thinandhollow.“Iwasn’tsureifyou

wouldevenpickupthephone.Ithoughtyouwouldbefurious.”He’dtriedtobeangry,butitjustwouldn’tadhere.Richwouldalwaysbehisbabybrother,

thescaredlittleboyZacktookcareofwhentheirparentsweretooself-absorbedtonoticethem.“You’refamily,andfamilystandsbyeachother.Nomatterwhat.”Hesteppedintohisoffice,holdingthephonebetweenhischeekandshoulderashetuggedonhisjeans.“Iwantyoutoknowthatwhateverthiscosts,I’lltakecareofit.Ifyouwanttofightthis—”

“I’mpleadingouttoalessercharge.”“Youconfessed?”“Technically,no.InexchangeforanallocutionItookanextrayearofprobation.”He

paused,thensaid,“AndI’mresigningmyseat.”Whichwasasgoodasaconfessionintheeyesofthepublic.Zackfeltsicktohisstomach.

“Areyousurethat’swhatyouwant?”

“Ijustwantittobeover.Yourreputation…”Wasprobablyalreadydamagedbeyondrepair.“Letmeworryaboutthat.”“I’msorry,Zack.Ididn’tmeanforthistohappen.Itriedsohardto…I’msorryI’msucha

screw-up.”“We’llgetthroughthis,”Zackassuredhim.“We’reateam.”“Maybeit’sgenetic.Orenvironmental.Maybeitwasinevitable.”Theirfathercheated,sohissonswould,too?Zackdidn’tbelievethat.Hebelievedthateveryonemadechoices.Andwhowashetopass

judgment?Didn’thehaveapregnantmistresssleepinginthenextroom?Evenhecouldn’tliveuptohisownstringentstandards.

Thathadbeenhischoice,andhewaspreparedtodealwiththeconsequences.Hisbrotherwouldhavetodothesame.

“IloveTaylor.Therewasjustsomethingmissing.”“Youdon’thavetoexplain.”Deepdown,hehadalreadyknownthat.Despitethefront

Richputon,Zackknewsomethingwaswrong.“I’velosteverything,”Richsaid,soundingmiserable.“Youhaven’tlostme.Wejusthavetopickupthepiecesandmoveon.”“You’llgetthroughthis,Zack.Youwerealwaysthestrongone.”Hesoundedsopositive,

sosureofhimself,thatZackwantedtobelieveitwastrue.Sowhydidhegetthefeelingtheothershoewasabouttofall?

Chapter14

Itfell.Twodayslater.Only,itwasn’toneshoe.Oneshoehecouldhandle.Oneshoewas

manageable.Thiswasadamnedclosetfulofshoes.AllofthemonthefeetofthereportersandcameramencampedoutsideMiranda’scondo.

Thestorybrokelatethenightbefore.Inadditiontotheconstantshrillofhisphone,hershadbeguntoringoffthehook,aswell.

Mirandapeeredthroughthecurtainsouthisbedroomwindowtothemobacrossthestreet.“Atleasttheydon’tknowaboutyourcondo,otherwisetheywouldbeoverhere,too.”

“Andunlesswewantthemtofindout,you’restuckhere,”Zacktoldher.Atleastuntiloneoftheirneighborsmadetheconnection.UntiltheyfiguredoutthattheguylinkedwithMirandathattheywereseeingonthenewswasactuallylivingintheirneighborhood.

Sheshookherheadinamazement.“Howdidthishappen?”“Someonestarteddigging.Orsomeonerattedusout.”Sheshothimaquestioninglookoverhershoulder.“Taylor?”“Couldbe.”“Hellhathnofury?”“Couldyoublameherifshedid?Maybethiswasinevitable.Afterall,itisafamily

tradition.”Sheshothimaquestioninglook.“Yes.Mydadcheatedonmymom.ButunlikeRich,hedidn’tbothertryingtohideit.And

insteadofdealingwithit,shedrankherselfintoastuporeverynight.Ineverunderstoodwhyshedidn’tjustleavehim.Hewastheonewhowalkedaway.The

onewhofinallyleft.”“Sheprobablythoughthewouldchange.”“Theyfoughtallthetime.Mymomwouldscreamathimandthrowthings.Sometimesitwassobad,soloud,theneighborswouldcallthepolice.Youcan’timagine

howembarrassingthatwas.”Helookedupather.“You’retheonlypersonI’veevertoldthatto.”

“I’mgladyoudid.”Heleanedbackonhiselbowsandgazedupattheceiling,thedotsofmorningsunshine

filteringthroughthecurtainslikeamonotonekaleidoscope.“Iwassodamnedarrogant.DidIreallythinkwewouldn’tgetcaught?Thatpeoplewouldn’tfigureitout?”

Shesatonthebedbesidehimandleanedbackonherelbows,mirroringhisstance.“You’reahopelessoptimist.”

“I’mafool.”“Well,ifit’sanyconsolation,mycareerisinforaseriousblow,too.”“Iwouldthinkallthispublicitywouldbegoodforyourimage.”“Maybe,butmyimagewon’tmeansquatwhenthepublisherfindsouthowbusyI’vebeen

notwritingthatbookIowethem.”Itfeltgoodtosaythewords,sherealized.Tofinallyadmititoutloud.Itfeltlikeahugeweightoffhershoulders.

“Youhaven’twrittenanyofit?”

“Notonedamnedword.Idon’thavetheslightestcluewhattosay.Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.”

“Justwritewhatyoubelievein,what’sinyourheart.”“Maybethat’stheproblem.MaybeI’mnotsurewhatIbelieveinanymore.Iwaswrong

aboutsomanythings.Imean,lookatmylife.Lookwhatamessit’sin.WhoamItogivepeopleadviceonanything?”“Youknowthelaw.”“Justwhattheworldneeds.Anotherboring,crustybookondivorcelaw.”Sheletherhead

dropagainsthisarm.Beingclosetohim,barelytouching,madeherfeelbetter.Itmadethingsseemalittlelesshopeless.“ThepublisherwantsanotherinstantNewYorkTimesbestseller.Idon’tthinkIcangivethemthat.

Infact,IknowIcan’t.”“Howdidyouwritethefirstbook?”“IhadIvy.ShetookwhatIwroteandbreathedlifeintoit.Thethoughtofdoingitwithout

her…Isitatmycomputerstaringatthescreen,attheblankdocument,andIgetthisacheinmystomach.Thisbundleofnervesthatmakesmefeelsickinside.”

“Miranda,doyouevenlikewriting?”Goodquestion.“Thetruthis,Idon’t.Ifindittobeexcruciatinglypainful.”“Sodon’tdoit.”Hemadeitsoundsosimple.“That’saswellidea,butIhaveacontracttofulfill.”“You’realawyer.Youknowthatanycontractcanbebroken.”Hewasright,ofcourse.Sheknewhewas.Witheverythingelseinherlife,itwasjustone

morethingshedidn’twanttodealwith.“MaybeI’mjustnotreadytoadmitthatIfailed.”Heshrugged,makingherheadbobagainsthissleeve.“Nooneisperfect.”Shelookedupathim.“Boy,we’reapair,aren’twe?”Heleanedover,kissedhergently,rubbedthetipofhisnoseagainsthers.“Ithinkso.”Herheartinstantlymelted.Stilltherewasthatlittlevoiceinthebackofhermind.The

peskyoneasking,didheloveher?Andifhedid,whydidn’thejustsayit?Hejustneededtime.Theybothdid.Shehadtostopbeingsoselfish,thinkingonlyof

herself.Shewasabouttowrapherarmsaroundhisneck,drawhimcloseandreallykisshim,but

hercellphonechosethatmomenttobeginringingagain.Sheclosedhereyesandgroaned.Shewasreadytoflushthedamnedthingdownthetoilet.

Exceptsheknewthateventuallyshewouldhavetoanswerthehalf-dozenmessagesheragenthadleft.Andherfamily.

Ugh.Shewouldhavetocallthem,too.Shewouldhavetofigureoutawaytoexplainwhy,

whenshewasmarried,shecouldn’tbebotheredtohaveachild,buthavingoneconceivedintheheatofpassionduringaone-nightstandwasperfectlyacceptable.Thatwasacallshewasnotlookingforwardto.Whichiswhy,whenshesawherparents’numberonthedisplay,sheletitgotovoicemail.Again.

Thensheshutthedamnedthingoffandtosseditoffthebed.“Youknowwhatweneedtodo,”shesaid.“Whatdoweneedtodo?”Sheloopedherarmsaroundhisneck.“Weneedtodosomethingtotakeourmindsoffof

everythingthat’shappening.Youknow,likeadiversion.”

Hegrinned,gotthatdevilishlookinhiseye.“Whatdidyouhaveinmind?”“I’mgladyouasked.”Sheshovedathischest,rollingthembothoversoshewasontop

andstraddlinghiships.Shesmileddownathim,goingtoworkonhisbeltbuckle.“HoldstillandI’llshowyou.”

Chapter15

Thefollowingafternoon,Mirandafinallygaveinandcalledheragent.“Wherethehellhaveyoubeen?”sheshriekedwhenhersecretaryconnectedthem.“I’vecalledyouamilliontimes!”“Sorry.Ijustneededalittletimetoregroup.”“Everytalkshow,newspaperandmagazinewantsapieceofthis.You’realegend.”Alegend?Forhavinganaffairandgettingknockedup?“Isn’tthatabitofan

exaggeration?”“Areyoukidding?You’reonfire!Miranda,youdethronedtherelationshipking.Doyourealizewhatthiswilldoforwomen’srightsandfeminism?Thisishuge!”Supposeshedidn’twantthatdistinction?Thatresponsibility.Itwasonethingtobe

independentandmodern,butheractionsdidn’tnecessarilyreflectthatbehavior.Shedidn’twanttogiveanyonethatimpression.

Didn’twanttoberesponsibleforruiningthecareerofthemansheloved.Thefatherofherchild.

Howdidshegetherselfintothismess?“Howistheproposalgoing?”heragentasked.Shedidn’tknowwhattosay.Maybesheshouldjusttellherthetruth.Tellhershecouldn’t

doit.Thatshedidn’twantto.“Youknowwhat,itdoesn’tmatter.Whateveryouhave,tossit.”“Tossit?”“Theywanttoplayonthiswhileit’shot.Italkedtoyoureditorthismorning.Shewantsatell-allautobiographyofhowyoubroughtdowntherelationshipguru.”“What?”“Andtheywantityesterday.”Oh.My.God.Theywereaskinghertohanghim.Andtheyweresupplyingrope.Sheclosedhereyesandcursedsilently.Therewasabsolutelynowayshecoulddothatto

him.Neverinamillionyears.Shedidn’tcarewhatitwoulddoforherreputationorhercareer.Nocareerwasworthruininganother.

Heragent’stonewentfromexcitedtowary.“Miranda,Icannotstresshowimportantitistoyourcareertogetthisbookwritten.”

“No,”shesaid.“No,what?”“I’mnotawriter.Ivywasthevoicebehindthefirstbook.Thetalent.Notme.”Shelaughed.Actuallylaughed.“Isthatall?Believemethatisn’taproblem.Autobiographersuseghostwritersallthetime.Itwillmeanlessmoneyforyouofcourse,

butthiswillbesobigIdoubt—”“No.”“No,what?Noghostwriter?”“Notoallofit.Ican’twritethebook.”“Thisisyourcareerwe’retalkingabout.”Herwritingcareer.Onethatlatelyhaddonenothingbutmakeherfeelconfusedandinept.

Asofthismoment,thatpartofherlifewasofficiallyover.Shewouldgobacktolaw.Itwasinherheart.Herblood.

“Myanswerisstillno.”“Idon’tseetheproblem,Miranda.It’snotlikeyou’regoingtomarrytheguy.”Maybenotrightnow,buteventually.Shelovedhim.Andhelovedher,too,evenifhe

couldn’tsayit.Formostofherlife,itseemedasthoughsomethingwasmissing.Somethingshewanteddesperatelybutcouldn’tidentify.Andnomatterwhatshegot,itwasneverenough.Neverright.Maybeallthistimeshe’dhaditbackward.Maybethetrickwasn’tjustgettingwhatshewanted.Itwaswantingwhatshehad.

AndshewantedZack.“Yes,”shetoldheragent.“Iam.”Iftherehadbeenaworst-casescenarioforZackconcerninghisrelationshipwithMiranda

versushisreputationasafamilyman,theyhadfoundit.Hewentoutonalimb,andwithherconsent,releasedastatementthatyes,theywere

expectingachild,andwhiletheyweren’tmarriedandhadnoimmediateplanstotietheknot,theywereinanexclusive,monogamousrelationship.

Eitherthenewshadcometoolate,orpeoplejustweren’twillingtoacceptwhatcouldhavebeeninterpretedasado-as-I-say-not-as-I-do,attitude.Everydaybroughtnewsofaspeakingarrangementthathadbeencanceled.Anotherendorsementdropped.

Witheachcall,eachnewbitofbadnews,Mirandacouldseehislevelofanxietyrising,seehimbecomemoreandmorefrustrated,anditbrokeherheart.Didn’tpeoplerealizethatZackwasoneofthegoodguys?Hetrulybelievedwhathetaught,buthewashuman.Hemademistakeslikeeveryoneelse.

Shedidn’tdaretellhimaboutthebookherpublisherhadaskedhertowrite.Shefeareditwouldbethethingtopushhimovertheedge.Allheknewwasthather

writingdayswereofficiallyover.Thepublisherwasthreateninglegalactionand,aswarpedasitwas,shefeltrelieved.Infact,shewasactuallylookingforwardtoit.Shecouldbealawyeragain.Shefeltasthoughshewasbackwhereshebelonged.

Butasgoodasshefelt,Zackfeltequallylousy.Maybehewouldhavebeenbetteroffifhehadbeenhonestfromthestart.

Andoneweekfromthedaythestorybroke,thebottomdroppedout.“ItlooksasthoughI’mgoingtohavealotoffreetimeonmyhands,”Zackannounced

fromthekitchendoorway.Mirandawasmakingthemdinner.Thoughthemoboutsideofhercondohadfinallygivenupanddispersed,shestillspentthemajorityofhertimeathisplace.Especiallywhenmealswereconcerned.Sincehekeptmorefoodthanshedid.

Forallintentsandpurposes,theywerelivingtogether.Theyjusthadn’tmadeitofficialyet.

Shecouldtellbythelookonhisfacethatitwasbad.“Morecancellations?”“IthasbeensuggestedthatitwouldbebestifIremovemyselffromthepubliceyefora

while.Goonsabbatical.”“Isthatwhatyouwant?”“I’mnotsurewhatIwant.”Hesoundedsodefeated,sodejected,shewanttocry.Shecrossedtheroomandputher

armsaroundhim,pressinghercheektohischest,theswellofherbellybumpinghis.Shewasstartingtoshow,andshecouldswearshefeltaflutterofmovementlastnightwhileshelaystillinbed,unabletosleep.ListeningtoZackpretendingtosleepbesideher.“You’llfigureitout,Zack.Everythingwillbeokay.”

“Everyonekeepstellingmethat.”

“It’strue.Idon’tevenknowhowIknowit.Ijustdo.”“Everythingissoscreweduprightnow,Idon’tknowwheretostart.”“Maybeyoushouldstartbydecidingexactlywhatitisthat’simportant.Isitaboutthe

money?Thecelebrity?”“Ofcoursenot.”“Doyoulikeseeingyourpictureonthebookjackets?Yournameinthenewspaper?Isit

thethrillofgettingupinfrontofapackedauditorium?”“No.Ilike…helpingpeople.”“Sohelpthem.”“Andiftheydon’twantmyhelp?”“Youmakethemlisten.TrustmewhenIsay,thisisaqualityyouexcelat.Behonestabout

thefactthatyoumadeamistake.Letthemknowyou’rehuman.I’llbetmostpeoplewillrespectyouforit.”

“Andtheoneswhodon’t?”“Thosepeopledon’tmatter.”“Youhavetobeenjoyingthisatleastalittle.”What?Shelookedupathisface,toseeifhewasserious.“Enjoyingit?”“It’slikepaybackfortheradiointerview.”Hesaiditwithhumor,asifitwasajoke,butshehadthefeelinghewasn’tjoking.Didhe

reallybelieveshewouldfindsatisfactioninwatchinghiscareercrumble?Didhereallythinkshewassoheartless?Shebackedoutofhisarms.“Thatwasaterriblethingtosay.”“You’reright.”Hesighedanddraggedahandthroughhishair.Itwasgettinglong,andhis

beardhadfilledbackin.Notthatthedisguisewasgoingtodothemmuchgoodnow.“I’msorry.Comehere.”

Hepulledhertohimandwrappedherupinhisarms.Shepressedhercheektohischest,felttearsburnthecornersofhereyes.

Peskyhormones.Theywereturningherintoabigwuss.Hestrokedherhair,herback.“Howdideverythinggetsoscrewedup?”“Wearenotintheminority,Zack.Everyonehastheircrosstobear.Whatmakesyouso

specialthatitshouldbeeasierforus?”“I’mtherelationshipguru.Thisismybusiness.”Notanymore,shethought.NowhewasjustplainZackJameson.Asconfusedandscrewed

upaseveryoneelse.Thatwasjustanaturalpartoflife.Iftheydidn’tmakemistakes,whatwouldtheyever

learn?Heofallpeopleshouldknowthatrelationshipstakework.Iflovecameeasy,withoutafight,theymightbegintotakeitforgranted.Shedidn’twantthattoeverhappentothem.

SherubbedhercheekagainstthesoftcottonofhisT-shirt.“Iloveyou,Zack.”Therewasapause,analmostimperceptibleshiftinhisdemeanor.Wouldhereturnthe

sentimentthistime?Didheloveher,too?Finallyhesaid,“Butnotenoughtomarryme.”Hecouldn’thavebeenmorewrong.Butitwasnolongerabouthowmuchshecaredfor

him.Therealquestionwas,howdidhefeelabouther?Hewasthemosthonestmansheknew,untilitcametotalkingabouthisfeelings.Itwasas

ifhe’derectedawallbetweenthem,andnothingshedidorsaidwouldknockitdown.She

understoodthathe’dhaditrough.Thathe’dprobablygonethroughlifefeelinginadequateandunloved.Thathisworkasapsychologistwasawaytosomehowreconcilehispast.

Shegotthat.Andsheknewthatdeepdownhelovedher,evenifhecouldn’tsaythewords.Butshe

refusedtospendtherestofherlifeplayingguessinggames,beingheldatarm’slength.Shewantedmorethistime.Shewanteditall,andshedeservedit.

Shesteppedbackfromhimandhedroppedhisarmstohissides.“HowmuchIloveyouisn’ttheissue.”

“Whatistheissue?”heasked,thoughshewasconvincedhealreadyknew.Andsherefusedtobegforit,totrytowinhislove.Hisaffection.She’dplayedthatgame.Playedandlost.

“Theissueiswhyyouwanttomarryme.”“Youknowwhy.”“Refreshmymemory.”Nowhelookedangry.“Whatdoyouwantfromme,Miranda?”Don’tdothis,shewantedtobeg.Don’truinit.“Ionlywanttohearthewords,Zack.I

wanttohearyousayitwithmyownears.”“Whatisthis?Anothertest?Youwon’tbehappyuntilyou’vestrippedmeofthelastofmy

dignity?Imovedacrossthecountryforyou,riskedmyreputation.I’vedoneeverythinghumanlypossibletoprovemyintentions.Sacrificedeverything.And

whathaveIgotteninreturn?”Washekeepingscore?Foreverygooddeedheexpectedanequalresponse?Shefeltsick.Sickallthewaydowntohersoul.Lovinghershouldn’thavebeena

sacrifice.“IthinkI’mbeginningtounderstandhowyourhusbandfelt.”Shefelteverylastbitofblooddrainfromherface,andsomethingcoldandblackpierced

herheart.Ifhewastryingtosinklow,tohitbelowthebelt,he’dsucceeded.“Youwanttotakeaswingatme,Zack?Wouldthatmakeyoufeelbetter?Makeyoufeellikeaman?”

“YouknowI’mnotlikethat.”Shethoughtsheknewhim.Turnsoutshe’dbeenwrong.Hewasastranger.“Idon’twanttohurtyou,Miranda,butIcan’tbewithsomeonewhoisn’twillingtomeet

mehalfway.”Wasthatanultimatum?Shemarriedhimoritwasover?Shefeltcold.Soverycold.Maybehereallydidn’tloveherafterall.“Iguessthat’sit,

then.”“Iguessso.”Shecouldfeelthetearsbuildingbehindhereyes,wellingupintoherthroattochokeher.

Shedidn’twanthimtoseeherthatway.Tremblingfromtheinsideout,shewalkedtothedoor.Sheturnedtheknobandstepped

outontotheporchintotheblazingafternoonheat.Andhelethergo.Hewasanidiot.Andthoughitmayhavetakenhimaweektoadmitittohimself,he’dprettymuchknown

allalong.Heknewwhenhe’dmadethechoicetomoveheresohecouldconvincehertomarryhim.Itwasaninsulttoherintelligence.

It’sawondershehadn’ttossedhimoutonhisearthatfirstday.

Andwhothehellwashetolectureheraboutsacrifice?Shehadopenedupherlifetohim.Herheart.She’dlethiminside.Whathadhedone?Whathadhereallygivenherthatsheneeded?

Hewassuchanidiot.Thetoughpartnowwastellingherthetruthandmakingherbelievehim.Hecheckedhisreflectionintheentrywaymirrorashewalkedtothedoor.Hewasclean

shaven,andthebaseballcaphadbeenofficiallyretired.Hewasthroughhiding,pretendingtobesomethinghewasn’t.Hewaspreparedtofacewhateverlifethrewhisway.Evenifthatmeantdodgingafewbulletsnowandthen.Theonlyimportantthing,allthatreallymattered,wasthatheandMirandaweremeanttobetogether.

Hegrabbedhiskeysfromthetableandsteppedoutside,andtheswelteringheathithimlikeawalloffire.Acrossthestreet,Mirandawassteppingoutherowndoor.Todaywasherultrasoundappointmentandheplannedtogowithher.

Shepausedwhenshesawhim.Shewasreallybeginningtolookpregnant.HerbellypeekedoutfromunderthebottomedgeofherT-shirt.Hestarteddownthedrivewayasshedartedforhercar.

Lookslikeshewasgoingtotrytooutrunhim.Butthistimehewasn’tgivingupsoeasily.Mirandaclimbedintohercar,thecloyingheatscorchingtheinsidesofherlungs.With

tremblinghandsshefumbledthekeyintotheignitionandturned.Assoonastheenginestartedsheloweredallthewindowsandsuckedinabreath.

IfZack’sintentionwastojoinherforherappointment,itwasn’tgoingtohappen.Shewasn’treadytofacehim,tofacethefactthatithadbeensoeasyforhimtotossheraside,andshefeltasthoughsomeonehadreachedintoherchestandrippedherheartintwo.

God,shewaspathetic.Shewashopelesslyinlovewithamanwho,asfarasshecouldtell,wasn’tevencapableof

lovingherback.Shesteppedonthegasandbackedintothestreet,jammedthecarintogear,readytofloor

it.ButZackwasthere.Hehadplantedhimselfinthestreet,rightinfrontofhercar.Damnhim!“Weneedtotalk,”hesaid.“Idon’thavetime.”“Wecantalkonthewaytoyourappointment.”“Notthistime.I’mgoingalone.”“Thedealwas,weweregoingthroughthistogether.”Butthingshadchanged.Withherfootonthebrake,shegunnedtheengine.“Move,Zack.”Hedidn’tbudgefromhisspot.“EitherI’mgoingwithyou,orwesitherealldaylikethis.

Yourchoice.”Whatdidhewanttodo,throwafewmoreultimatumsherway?Bargainwithher?Remind

heragainhowspoiledshewas?No,thankyou.Hadn’thedoneenough?“Don’tthinkIwon’trunyoudown,”shewarned.Atthatverysecondshefeltangry

enoughtodoit.Andangershecouldhandle.Angerwasgood.Shecouldwrapherhandsarounditandsqueeze.Itwasthedeep,heart-wrenchingpainthatwasbecomingtoomuchtotake.

Heleanedforwardandplantedhishandsonthehood.Shecouldonlyimaginehowhotitfeltaftersittingoutinthesunallafternoon.“You’llhavetorunmeover,then.”

Therewasonemajorproblemwithlivingonacul-de-sac.Therewasonlyonewayout.Andhewasinit.“I’lldoit,”shewarned,inchingthecarforward.Hesatonthehood.Actuallysatdownandmadehimselfcomfortableonthehoodofher

car.“Thenyou’retakingmewithyou.”Fine.Ifthatwasthewayhewantedtodoit.Ifhewantedtoruinthisspecialday.Fine.

“Getin.”Henarrowedhiseyesather.“YoupromisenottotakeoffthesecondIgetdown.”Shecould.Hell,sheshould,butshewasgoingtobeanadult.Aftereverythingthathad

happenedinthepastfewweeks,runningdownthefatherofherchildwouldonlyconfirmherneighbors’suspicionsthatshewascompletelycertifiable.AndgetherapotentialguestspotonJerrySpringer.

ShejammeditintoPark.“IpromiseIwon’ttakeoff.”Heslidoffthehood,keepinghisbodyclosetothecarashewalkedaroundthepassenger’s

side,openedthedoorandvaultedhimselfin.Shewaiteduntilhewasbuckledin,theneasedthecartothecorner.

Shecouldn’thelpbutnoticethathewasn’twearinghisdisguise.Hewascleanshavenandlookedasthoughhe’dhadhishaircut.Andhedidsmellgood.Evenwiththewindowsopenhisscentseemedtowrapallaroundher.Puttingontheair-conditioningwouldonlymakeitworse.

“I’manidiot,”hesaid.Well,that’sonethingtheydefinitelyagreedon.Shesearchedthememorybanksfor

somethingsnarkytosnapbackathim,butnothingcametomind.Despiteeverything,shecouldn’tbemean.Couldn’thurthim.Hewasanidiot,buthecouldn’thelpit.

“Iwanttobewithyou,”hesaid.“Iwantustobeafamily.”She’dheardthatlinebefore.Buttherehadtobeacatch.Therewasalwaysacatch.“You

knowhowIfeelaboutthat.”“Ido.Iknewexactlywhatyouneededfromme,butIwastoomuchofanidiottodoit.To

admittoyouwhatyouprobablyalreadyknew.”Herhandshadbeguntoshakeagainandshegrippedthewheeltighter.Tearswelledup,

makingtheroadswiminfrontofhereyes.“Iloveyou,Miranda.”Shesuckedinabreath,asortofhalfhiccup,halfsob.Shewasnotgoingtocry.Shewasgoingtoholdittogether.“Yousureyou’renotsaying

thatjusttogetinmypants?”Shejoked.Fromthecornerofhereye,shesawhimsmile.“Idon’tknowifitmeansanything,butI’veneversaidthattoanyonebefore.Notawoman,notmyparents.NotevenRich.”Suddenlytheroadwasatotalblur.Shehadtopullofftotheshouldertokeepfromkilling

themboth.SherolledtoastoponthedirtshoulderandputthegearinPark.“Imayhavefeltitatimeortwo,butIneverhadthegutstosaythewords.Toputmyself

outthere.”Hetookoneofherhands,wrappeditupinhisown.“Stillloveme?OramItoolate?”Hecouldn’ttell?Sheswipedawaythetearthatspilledoverontohercheek.“Duh.”Hegrinnedandsqueezedherhand.“Justwantedtobesure.”

“Andfortherecord.Ididloveyouenoughtomarryyou.Ifyou’dhaveonlyaskedtherightway.”

Hiseyesneverstrayingfromherown,heliftedherhandtohismouthandkissedit.“Miranda,Iloveyou,andIwanttospendtherestofmylifewithyou.Willyoumarryme?”

Shedidn’tknowifsheshouldlaughorcry.Soshedidboth.Andshesaidyes.“Wouldyouliketoknowthesex?”thetechnicianaskedasshesmearedgooonMiranda’s

belly.MirandalookedupatZack.Hestoodbesidethetableholdingherhand.Theyneverhad

madeadecision.Shehadbeenfor,Zackhadbeenagainst.“Youwanttoknow?”heaskedher,andshenodded.Hesmiledandtoldthetechnician,

“Wewanttoknow.”Mirandaanxiouslywatchedthescreenasthefirstimagesoftheirbabyappeared.Itjustlookedlikeaconfusingjumbletoher,butthetechnicianseemedtorecognizewhat

shewasseeing.Sherantheprobeacrossherbellyandbackagain,typingonthekeyboardwiththeoppositehand.“Canyoutellifit’saboyorgirl?”

Sheshookherhead.“Theydon’tseemtowanttocooperate.”ShelookedatZack,thentheybothlookedatthetechnicianandsaidinunison,“They?”“Thedoctornevermentionedmultiples?”“Never,”Mirandasaid,feelingshell-shocked.Zack’sexpressionmirroredherown.“Wouldn’twehaveheardtwoheartbeats?”“Withmaternaltwinsit’snotuncommonfortheheartstobeattogether.”“Maternal,asinidentical?”Mirandaasked.AndZackasked,“Areyousure?”Shepointedtothefuzzyimageonthescreen.“Here’sonespine,here’sthesecond.”Mirandasquintedatthescreen,andsureenough,shecouldseethem.Twins.Twicethediapersandthecryingandthefeeding.Twicethework,andmoresleepless

nights.Andtwicethelove.AndshewassureZackhadplentytogoaround.Thebabiesneverdidcooperateandrevealtheirgender.Alreadyshowingtheirfather’s

stubbornstreak,shefigured.Buttheydidgetascreenshotthatveryclearlyshowedthemboth.“Yourdoctorwilltalkwithyouatyournextappointment,buteverythinglooksgreat,”the

technicianassuredthem.“Congratulations.”Aftersheleft,Mirandasatupandwipedofftherestofthegoo.“Twins,”Zacksaid,shakinghishead,asthoughhestillcouldn’tquitegrasptheconcept.“Whenyouknockagirlup,youreallyknockherup,”shejoked,andheflashedherawry

grin.“Areyoutotallyfreakedout?”“Nottotally.”Helookeddownattheultrasoundimage.“IthinkImightevenbegetting

usedtotheidea.”Shepulledhershirtdownoverherbelly,hertwins,andswungherlegsoverthesideofthe

table.“Wehavesomanyplanstomakeandthingstobuy.”“I’dlikeyoutodosomethingforme,”hesaid.“Iwantyoutocallyourparentsandtryto

patchthingsup.”Sheopenedhermouthtoobject,togivehimsobstoriesandexcuses,thencloseditagain

whenshesawthelookonhisface.Itwaslineddeepwithregretandsadness.

“Despiteeverythingthathappened,they’restillyourparents.Yourfamily.Theywon’tbearoundforever.Ifyoudon’tatleasttrytoworkitout,you’llregretitwhenthey’regone.”Hereachedupandbrushedawispofhairbackfromherface.“Trustmeonthisone.”

Shedidtrusthim.“I’llcallthemtonight.”“Ifyouwantthemtoacceptyouforwhoyouare,thatmeansacceptingthemforwhothey

are,too.”Hewasshrinkingheragain,butsheletitslidethistime,sincehiswordsmadealotof

sense.Andtheywerecomingfromhisheart.“Besides.”Heplacedahandoverherbelly.“They’regoingtobetheonlygrandparents

theseguyshave.”“Nottomentionthatmyparentsnotoriouslylovetobabysit.Andwe’reprobablygoingto

needabreathernowandthen.”Hishandfeltwarmonhertummy.Warmandsafe.SheknewthatZackwouldneverhurt

her.“Ifitwasn’tforthesetwo,wemayneverhavereconnected,”hesaid.“Wewouldbeliving

totallydifferentlives.”Andshecouldn’timaginespendingherlifewithanyoneelse.“Doesthatmeanwehaveto

spoilthem?”“Maybealittle.”Hegrinneddownather,brushedherhairbackfromhercheekandtucked

itbehindherear.“Youknow,foryearsIsearchedfortheperfectwoman.Theperfectmate.”“And?”“AndIgotsomeoneevenbetter.”Hebrushedhisnoseagainsthers,smiledthatsexysmile.

“Igotyou.”