Somewhere long back, I figured out Allah gifted me, not with the ability to rhyme words, but with a brain that never stopped questioning. Ever since I was a kid, my day wouldn’t be complete unless and until I write it down. Even my prayers, when I was too shy to say them out loud, I used to write them down on a paper. As I grew up and so did technology, there were many ways available to write down on screens, but it was hectic for me. My paper and pen aren’t just objects, they’re souls, and if I don’t interact with them I lose inspiration. One thing I learned throughout my 16 years of existence is that we’re all unstable. Some of us may look calm, but within us is a totally different story. My exquisitely talented friend here, Alaa Mohammad Roshdy Nosair, who drew every picture in this book you hold, has her very unique way of expressing her unsettled self. Don’t let this life fool you, convincing you that this is everything you can be. Your story is still being written, and it’s buried within you waiting to be discovered, if you give it that single chance to flow you would never regret it. I hope this book is the gate towards your salvation, the exploration journey that will change your life upside down. The poems date from 2013 to 2015, I started even smaller but these were the oldest I found. I’m currently not an expert obviously but I’m proud of what I reached and I work a little harder everyday to walk a step forward towards my dream of being a poet.

Diamond Dust

I’m lost in your world,

where you left so much behind to which I can hold,

all the memories that haunt me wherever I go,

all the sacrifices you made to lift the pain,

all the dreams we had that kept us sane,

all the photos we took that complete my story,

all the gifts we got that held within our sorry,

all the nights we spent that reshaped my life,

all the songs we sang that helped me survive,

all the love we held for years and years,

in our hearts that scared away all our fears,

the love that grew day after day,

breathed life in me when I lost my way,

the love that soon invaded my soul,

and brightened my way through this grumpy haul.

Now I stand here with your ashes between my fingers,

everything has faded but our love still lingers.

Your body is somewhere else but your soul is within me,

I’m lost in our world but your soul directs me.

You’re my irony

I need you gone but I have to stay,

My soul lingers here in every corner, in every pathway.

Trapped in an embrace that once made me feel strong,

that I thought healed my scars, I was wrong all along.

My soul breaks open; I let the sorrow flow,

I felt safe for a reason that I don’t know anymore.

Your angels once protected me from what’s out there,

now they bury me alive a little more every day.

And I die.

I die every second away from you.

I lose my breath to the wind and let go,

but the closer I get, the deeper my wounds grow.

You’re my demonic angel that I wish I can forgo,

and also grow old with, if you would only know,

that with every step you take away a part of me dies along,

but you never looked back to see the remains of me down below,

so I simply fall back even more,

and I keep wishing for some answers but even the questions won’t show,

so I run away from everything, collecting pieces of my own,

that you once breathed life into when you were my only beau.

I became a lost spirit in search of a safe place to go,

and ended up between your arms again, once and for all.

21 st Century

Our sanity has crashed with murdered trees,

our car horns killed all the bumble bees.

I misplaced my mind when I was in a hurry,

but I was never too late to make some money.

The trapped melodies reshape my mind,

notion over notion, much more confined.

I’m disfigured then remade by breaking news,

told when to laugh, when to blow my nose.

The buildings have grown taller with me,

but the people inside are never set free.

Along the ages, they never grow old,

till their last breathe, they do what they’re told.

We’re monotonous creatures, changing to be same,

dissatisfaction rules, and we’re pretending to be sane.

The skies fly away in fear of our wrongs,

we ran out of love but envy lives long.

Shattered glass from shouts and screams.

Roofless homes built of broken dreams.

Scrambled photos of imprinted memories.

Empty minds filled with fainting sceneries.

A movie with no beginning nor end,

no director, just a cast refusing to blend.

Anchor

Look at me, face your fears.

Throw your gifts out of here.

Lose yourself , drop those tears.

Shrink your heart until it’s mere.

Let down your guards that shout so loud,

you know you’re drowning in your pains.

Let go of the love that made you proud,

your heart and soul are no longer sane.

Find that part that sank in your heart,

your soul has become a frightening mess.

You know your remains are torn apart,

you can’t realize your hiding bless.

Your guards will sleep soundly tonight.

Your heart and soul can heal with time.

Collect your mess that covers a dime.

Your pain will shine in the brightest light.

Keep me insane

And we got it all right.

We threw away what people said,

we chained our hearts with love, and I never had a reason to look ahead,

because I knew you had it all right.

I knew you were worth the fight.

You had my mind in the palm of your hands,

you had me believing it was safe like that.

You took away my fright.

I had no reason to be scared except..that my demons never really slept,

they still creep into my nights.

I’m always under their sight to get my fair share of scars,

you try to fight them off, but for you to be safe you have to stand so far.

I break our chains and let go,

because I can’t drag you down anymore,

because I know I’m no alright.

Lightly

My stomach shouted and screamed,

my pocket yelled “N.O M.O.N.E.Y”.

That guy had my far fetched dream,

his chubby wallet was calling me.

For

twice I was caught and hit,

but one guy saw the skill in my eyes.

My hands were light but yet,

I had no clue how fast he flies.

2 years, 11 months, and 13 days,

never was I caught in my own hood.

My stomach had enough but I couldn’t stay,

I must pack and fly as far as I could.

The money I have can save my hood,

burn down all those abandoned homes,

run factories and save many bloods,

filter some of those deadly fumes.

I decide for me and several lives,

for years I’ve used up my selfishness.

My mind keeps saying “learn to be alive”,

my heart cries out “be a delightful bless”.

For years I’ve snatched away hope,

leaving people like I was before.

For years I’ve tied a hundred ropes,

around hundred necks on my backdoor.

Maybe if I look around I’ll see,

I’ve worsened many lives, including me.

Endangered kids

I’ve tried listening to what they say about perfection,

I could’ve been what they want if I would’ve made some action,

but I objected.

They fix notions in kids’ minds

that grow larger by time

& invade their delicate hearts with hard times,

this is not the only lie.

They make sure their minds bulge out with information,

that they detest, but they have no chance for formation

of their own thoughts.

If they think, their heads are chopped,

only parents know what we should hate or love!

My kid has no friends, he cannot socialize

he still gets high grades, so I refuse to realize,

that my kid needs help, I only choose to emphasize

on what the society demands for my loosely hanging child!

Uncollected

I’m powerless, clueless.

I’ve drowned in the sands of time till gaps invaded my fullness.

I should’ve known that I’ve been holding on to something far beyond my strength and hope,

but I was down too low.

I witnessed my dreams shatter like glass beads,

they bled too as they watched me bleed.

I fell to the seventh earth right on my knees,

and he wasn’t there..

he couldn’t possibly be.

The screams & shouts suffocate me to death.

When you’ve known better, you’ll learn to expect the worse to come ahead.

‘cause that’s what they all do.

They lift you high above the ground but kill you there soon,

so the moment you come to life, you get to die too.

Vagabond

I’ve strayed away.

I’ve wandered through these gardens.

Can you let me stay?

I’ve burned down in my burdens.

Can you hear me scream?

My heart is breaking chains,

of all my broken dreams,

that chocked all of my veins.

I’ve been pushed and kicked out.

I’ve been lost and let down.

Can the wind carry along,

the tears that burn for long?

Would you let me sleep?

Cover me with your light.

Stay here next to me,

snatch away my fright.

Can you fly me out my pains,

give me some hope that remains?

Would you heal my broken heart?

‘cause forever we’ve grown apart.

Do you see the eyes,

of the faces that once tore me?

They’ll never realize,

I’m stronger than I’ll ever be.

Say Cheese

They lyrically disrupt our minds.

They keep us busy with their rhymes.

They know the plan; give up your try,

they know you’ll fail, let out your cry.

They display idols and role models playing nonsense buzz,

they keep us silent at our homes, busy with all the fuzz.

They hear our screams “THIS IS CRAZY!” and think they’ve finally won,

they know we can never be alarmed ‘cause our minds have been shut down.

Do you spend any night

without at least a single line

flashing in your mind?

Do you find it hard

to survive in the dark

without music played behind?

You’re being chewed and spit a thousand times daily.

You’re being watched and directed by those who run us mainly.

But they’ve developed a new way of slavery where the naked eye is blind,

and you can’t run away now ‘cause they’ve already caught your mind.

Set me free

My mind is a cage enclosing a thousand voices,

each of them tells me that I have a thousand choices

to lead a real life..

but I still build mine on invisible joists.

I was never in control, never took the wheel,

I sat on the backseat, never bothered to feel,

‘cause I know at the end I’ll get time to heal,

& start over again, my heart will manage to anneal.

My heart has grimed my eyes & asked me to follow,

and when you’re blinded you just learn how to swallow

the pain and move..it’s either this

or you’ll find yourself sane and grooved.

If you can’t see it then I’ll be glad to tell,

our feelings got in the way to being shut and still,

when we’re supposed to be rebellious, supposed to yell,

at each and every feeling starting to grow well.

I never wanted to meet you, you got in my way.

You’ve lighted a spark, made my feelings sway,

and with every scream of agony, for more I would pray

‘cause you showed me what’s it like to drift away

into the emptiness..

where I don’t care what they say.

‘cause you’re what keeps me going and craving to splay.

My Companion

Follow me into somewhere we don’t know,

where people might be sleeping while their thoughts wander alone,

where street light shines hope into lost souls,

where roads won’t drown us in their sorrow,

where trees are old and wise, with delicate, loving leaves,

where the grass keeps us close to that silent world beneath,

where the flowers keep us sane when they sing their lullabies,

where the night sky is a white canvas ready to embrace paint,

where the stars walk by people to their happiness every day,

where we won’t feel scared.

Tomorrow has no distinct features that could build up worry.

This is an endless tunnel & darling, we don’t need to hurry.

We’re aligning the universe by our side today,

it’s no longer hard to realize we ran away.

How did we end up here? My love, we don’t care,

you only need to hold me close when we have nothing to say,

because this has just started, don’t let it slip away.

There’s only one life back there, but here there’re a thousand plays,

you’re my hero in all of them, so fight away my fears.

As magical as this sounds, your face is still my favorite dream.

Lets skip our lifetime & head straight to dawn,

‘cause darling, I no longer have to sleep on my own.

Caught up in myself

I love how all of you think my face is all you’ll ever see.

You understood that my soul has abandoned me.

Very long ago, I was alive,

I was more than just a fantasy.

It’s relieving you witnessed my pre destruction,

at least now I live in someone’s memory.

Whoever holds me now is just pouring water over a stone.

You think that’s all I can ever be?

You don’t know me.

Pile me up

When my world collapses as I get out of bed,

I dive into my thoughts and drown in my own head.

I’m kicked down between different places.

I’m pushed along between similar faces.

Call me judgmental, but I keep certain scripts,

for each and every person, but now they’re all flipped.

I stumble upon some memories that were kept away,

along with an ocean of words that I craved to say.

I’m a victim of my own mess that has gone too far,

but when you’re dead for too long it isn’t that hard.

No matter how hard you throw stones at a corpse,

you won’t cause any pain, won’t produce any force.

I’m just a pile of smiles that remained hid.

A pile of wounds that forever bled.

A pile of faults that sank me down

A pile of dreams but a broken crown.

We’re all piles of selves that we don’t really own.

Piles of good that unconditionally flows.

Piles of weaknesses that grow stronger as we bleed.

We’re everything in the world. We’re completely incomplete.

Wrinkly papers

All the days pass by like ages.

All the thoughts of running away imprison me in cages.

I can’t stand the pain I’m constantly waged in.

The walls are tired from my screams.

I want to escape but there’s no lighting beam.

My hope has turned to fainting gleams.

I was once out there ruling the world,

but all my power has turned and twirled,

and threw me out with the strongest hurl.

Now I’m locked inside a jail in me,

my life has been a fantasy,

‘cause now I’m hanging with the same souls of antsy.

I could’ve let go of all the things I owned,

just to gain a place inside of me instead of a throne,

‘cause my sanity could’ve healed all my moans.

Choked

Words are lined up in my mind ready to be told,

but they’re covered by chains from head to toe.

They’re screaming for help, calling for me,

it’s high time I let go and set them free.

Why can’t I? Why am I so desperate and weak?

Why can’t I push them out to where they’re meant to be?

My tears won the quest and found their way out.

My legs were too fragile to hold me above the ground.

You tried picking me up, saving me from my nightmare,

but my body had already drowned in it’s despair.

Your warms hands tried giving me strength,

you wanted to fight my demons, to be my defense,

but I knew I was trapped.

My soul has become nothing more than a scrap.

Why would you want to hear dying words from me?

I can’t let them out unless I set myself free.

Run me over

Your warmth coated my heart with all the love in this world.

You flew me to your sky and I couldn’t ask for more.

You saved me from my own mess and breathed into me,

a whole new life with a new universe to see.

I shut out the whole world and only let you in.

You’re my safe place on earth and you’ll forever be my heaven.

The life we shared blinded our eyes from time,

its knives passed us over, right through our spines.

The real now is a dream, and we’re just lonely spirits,

trying to hold on to our souls for just one more minute.

It’s harder than it should be, we’re drifting apart,

letting go of all the fantasy that once held our hearts.

I remember shouting so loud for you to come home,

the only reply was my echo for far too long,

and my screams are far too weak to keep chasing you,

so I’ll bleed till I die and you’ll never have a clue.

I lost everything but being a memory,

in your mind that was once a part of me,

but don’t worry. The sands of time run deep,

they’ll burry my picture every night as you fall asleep.

10 minute attempt

So here’s a journey through my sick mind, lets say,

you stumble upon some family pictures on the way,

but they’re all burnt, shred to pieces,

with an X mark on almost all the faces.

There’s my secrets room in one of the hidden corners,

it’s where I throw all of life’s heaviest boulders,

and keep it locked till the day they lock me down,

in a wooden box and bury me under the ground.

Then there are words of love and wisdom,

also kept away, ‘cause I never really used them.

Then there are plans of success and glory,

now take a closer look, they’re all terribly blurry,

‘cause my future is still looking out for me,

it’s right there but I’m too deceived to see.

On your left, you will see my restricted room,

a million locks and a single key to unlock the gloom,

that’s a point of entry with no return,

I’m a living example of a trapped human so learn.

There’s still more to see, and much more yet to be discovered,

it’s a world within a world, an endless distance to be covered.

Head first

He dives into his past in search of a sweet memory,

digging for a clear picture that has become a fantasy,

longing for a photo of his little baby sister,

before her smile fades and faith escapes her.

He wants one moment back from the beach day,

when he threw away his grief and watched it flow away.

He wants to relive that movie night with friends,

when the laughter was so loud he felt it had no end,

but just like everything it all had to end..

Now they’re just black pages,

and he’ll never realize how fast flew the ages,

‘cause he’s been questioning and left with no reply,

the days passed him over and left him there to die.

No matter how many times he flips through his brain,

the same past haunts him, looking him in chains,

‘cause all the people in the photos turned into beasts,

it’s like they’ve never lived before, they developed a new species,

deprived from a heart that once never cared at all,

now just a single penny could make a nation fall.

Human beginning

I hide,

from all the imperfect eyes fixed upon me since I lied,

swallowing parts of my soul,

killing off every bit and piece left of my pride.

They try to blind me from all the darkness inside.

Their hands reach out to slowly stain my heart.

They snatch my brain and immediately fill it up

with pictures of tortured souls, all torn apart,

because they once learned to hide.

All of us were told to try harder and we tried,

but we couldn’t simply watch our humanity die.

We wouldn’t mind giving away our blood,

there’re countless rivers of it flowing through every nation,

they’re as common as mind manipulation.

What we choose to ignore is what got us here,

no history to be told, only monsters to feed.

Purpose

Fire away all the drams and hopes,

because that’s not what you’re made for.

We go around in circles,

dance away the night,

stay in touch with screens,

so we don’t start a fight.

You don’t really need to feel.

That’s not what you’re made for.

Crave the exact same needs,

follow the same safe stream,

don’t dare to let out the tears,

eat little enough to breathe,

because what else would you need?

Let the same music through your mind,

allow it to slowly change our kind,

leave it for long enough to reshape your soul,

so you’d forget how you used to be before.

That’s not something you’d need to know.

That’s not what you’re made for.

You’re nothing more than an object with a shut mouth,

you used to be a rebel but now you don’t bother to shout.

Now that’s exactly what you’re made for.

Once upon a time

Her bangs don’t only hide her forehead; it’s a whole universe of pain in

her mind.

Thoughts generated uncontrollably, spreading weakness through her

veins.

Running short of time, she stands, with a broken smile and heavy feet.

The blue in her eyes faded away, the freckles escaped beneath her skin.

Once upon a time she heard that her faith, will abandon her wherever she

stays.

Paint brush

Do you know what sketches do to us?

They film a movie,

where you’re the sole actor and only you witness the agony.

In less than a moment, you’re dead,

and there’s no rebirth in this genre,

it’s only you,

the ink,

and the delicate lines of life.

With a touch of a hand, the movie hits repeat.

With a tear rolling down, you’re already on your seat.

By the time you open your eyes, the sketch is nowhere near complete.

Those little things

It’s the sparkle in my eyes that you see.

The silky feel of me skin.

The pink, cold tips of my fingers.

The irregular arrangement of my nails.

The dying ends of my dark hair.

My wandering hope.

My blurry future.

What draws people away from me.

My silent shouts.

My fatal worry.

My fixed, woody muscles.

How I lock you out.

Aren’t you afraid it might kill you,

how you’re always by my side?

How you skip through the dark tunnel,

in hopes by the end you’ll meet the light?

Why aren’t you cautious?

You let down all your shields for me.

I’m running away from my present,

but you’re sticking to who I can be.

Have you lost your sanity somewhere in me?

You still hold me because you say you believe,

people have different definitions for beauty.

Florist

I could be the little flower in your pocket.

I’m unnoticed, but I vibe out tiny patches of joy into your soul.

You can’t deny my presence,

you surrender to my aroma like a defeated warrior.

Every once in a while you check on me, this attention makes me smoother,

so that whenever your warms hands embrace me, you can feel my love.

But, darling, one day I’ll wilt for good,

it’ll break you, but the replacements are many,

I know daisies caught your eyes once.

“Should I let her in?”, you’ll think, “will she look after my pocket too?”

If you ask me, everything matches your matte black suit.

No I don't need the view, nor the music, even if this is my good hair day & for a while I feel untamed. Everything I do..& say..& can be, is incomplete without him holding my hand through it all.I know what you'd be saying if you were here right now, that my heart is as warm as the water on our feet, that my voice has the same melody as our favorite song, & that you don't care whether my hair is acting wild or that a pimple randomly popped on my face just today morning.You'd be asking what to do next on our bucket list, but I'll be too busy staring at your reflection on the clear water. You don't like how my notebook isolates me from you, yet every once in a while you lay a kiss on my cheek & it instantly warms the wind around me.Oh so many pretty girls passing by, darling, making it more difficult to believe you can't lift your eyes off of me. If they leave me here for weeks on my own, I'll keep looking at the sundress you picked for me, & stare at your reaction in my memory when I first put it on, and miss you..so don't envy me when he's not there.

This is madness.Pure, most appealing madness.The one the whole world turns against.The one that lights up even more the darker it gets.The one that makes sleepless nights pass by so effortlessly.Frightening? Yes indeed.It sticks a pocket knife so close to my throat but never actually touches it.It hangs me by a single thread down to the flames but holds on so tight to it.Every moment is a complete ride on a roller coaster.Oh how many times I've been warned!Told I was too fragile for this infinite path.No one can actually see,that this is where sane people head,to gain strength,& gladly fall back more every second. The lower I'm dragged,the more precious this feels,& for the simplest cause I go on;He makes me happy.

The clock ticking synchronizing with the music,now I can't lift my eyes off the hour hand.Surprisingly I'm very fond of details.How plastic loses its color when bentHow billions of tiny fabrics make up all these shirts and pantsHow every pair of glasses may have a 1mm thickness differenceWhat every secret pocket in these backpacks hasHow the wall bends at every cornerWhy some buttons have four holes, others have threeThe rate at which my phone loses batteryI feel sorry for my brain.Trying so hard to skip you.I'm already heating up,I can't relate the happy song's lyrics to my life at this phase.I can feel my eyes drying upbecause I stopped blinking so I don't mistakenly see your face.To hell with it. Still I'd rather shut my eyes and stare at you for good.

I knew I had to..get off this road,start fresh,move on,get over with the pain & sorrow.I knew all these Internet quotes.I knew it'll get easier & better.I'll be stronger.Photos of kittens making puppy friends have been incredibly helpful too.A gigantic dose of sugar that boosts all my diabetic risks.One thing I didn't know was..that this is only the end.Get off this road then what?Move on to where?Will I just..start all over again?I already lost a whole lot of myself.All.At.Once.There's very little left to handle a brand new beginning.No, nothing builds up eventually,nothing fulfills."Starting fresh" isn't always the one solution you must take up.Sometimesyou just needto lay down& not think about a way to figure this out.

It's pretty heartbreaking, to end up on my ownon a table set for twotill my feet feel numb.My features slowly imprinting into people's minds,till I'm no longer visible to those waiters.Everyone has been hoping it's just the street traffic,only I know it's your heart that has got a little too crowded,but it's okay, I already skipped that thought.For I am currently drowning in the good old days,good old memories,perfect..ancient..you.Where did all of that go?A couple of days ago,no one could have guessed that we can survive being half a thread apart.Everything is so..distant& catastrophic.How you used to say that our love stretches to the moon and back.Now its just a bunch of stars.Maybe galaxies.I'm not sure I'm no physicist. But for all I know, it's endlessly expanding.

Like the scattered stars in the night sky,like diamond dust blown to the wind,you shatter my soul,every fragment falling deeply & unconditionally in love with who you are.The most delightful form of pain,stretched over a couple of thousand miles,but your breath is not that far away from mine.The air knows when I need your aroma to survive.Around the streets of Rome,where our love tore us apart for the last time,where all the bouquets lost shape & odor,but the good hearts remain.So they ask me,how much it hurt when you left.I guess we'll never know.

Tick tock.Round the clock.Remember me? I'm the girl from your stock?With the big fat hair,& the shiny armor sock,wrapped around my ankles,pulled to join your flock?

I knew fate wasn't so generous,to send upon such beauty.For I'm a traveller on land,my burnt feet can heat up sand,but you say my dark skin is worth gold,yet ever since, never returned my calls.

Oh I'm so easy for you. Unlocked.I'm a knob-less door, don't knock.Got his fair share of fraud tonight,next day, he disappears from the block.

Under my flowing dress,perfect eyelashes,sparkling shoes,& pink lipstick,is a broken warrior.Behind that smile you admireis a tamed monster.I'm dancing now like there's no tomorrow,but seconds past midnight,my glamorous dress disappears,even my shoes lose their sparkle.

I'm easy to find in our small town,but impossible to reach within me.Where no glimpse of hope shines is where you shall first look for me.Aren't your eyes too young for this?For this dead melancholy soul?Carve my name into a tree trunk,maybe then I might come back to life everyday a little more.

Don't feel free to ask for my love.This instant,this day,or this century.

You belong to a castle where they make you believe,that when you desire a soulmate,the shoes can always fit me.

Then there was your charming smile and blissful eyes,instantly collecting my heart into whole again.It's hard to think this isn't some fairytale.Snap me out of it,'cause that same rush has conquered me again.Will you act all interested in my tale?I could keep telling it over & over again,how my heart was broken again & again & again.Then again & again & again.Endless remains.I wish I could believe you're not part of the same chain,but what are the odds?What are my chances with false eyes like yours?Rolling about, capturing hearts like a professional sniper,jaws that spell perfection,vibes that make my soul float higher & higher.What kind of a poisoned heaven are you?It's "Snow White & The Witch's Apple" story all over again.So why not?You're always confused whether you're the apple or the prince who'll show me the way.Right now, I couldn't care less,I could have you once, & twice, & again,Like I know you're my happy ending fairytale.

Somewhere high above this world,wandering about the galaxies,was my defeated heart.Not in search for love,nor passion,simply torn apart.Don't mock my destruction,'cause I've already been rescued,by a handsome young astronaut.Not in a fancy spaceship,but with one oxygen pump,& a safe landing back to Earth.After being tangled up in so many knots,his charming suit unwind it all.I still can't search for love,nor passion,'cause there're just too many wars I've fought.But on the other hand,you're one handsome young astronaut.How many wars will I be caught up in,to free up some space for one further slot?I can run away into space again,to escape your curse.If only you weren't such a handsome young astronaut.

I see all of me when I write on paperall the holesall the cursesall the words striken off. I see a past,a future, & endless gaps in between.I see people, lost & gained.Once elated, twice in pain. Scars from head to toe, perhaps I was beautiful one time ago. Now all I see is timeslipping away as my pencil dances.Have I lost it already, or do I still have some remains? Are the frames set up in my mindany relevant to these rhymes? Scratching heads isn't part of reality that explains how my acne dug deep into my brain. "You can never bring together horror & comedy" they say, then how does my brain function? How is it so hilariously scared? The same way my pencil dances todaytomorrow it could dance away.You see how this started & where it went? Welcome aboard, to a writer's world you've been sent.

You're a staircase to hell.Wrapped in glitter sheetsSprayed with vanilla extractSmooth and still.Every step I takeWould look like a salvation to everyoneBut only I know what the other side is all about.I rode this game a thousand times Always coming out dizzy and nauseous No one shuts you downNor stops me from going back up.

You're not just my soulmate. You're a flower in a barren landThe pink bow tied to silky brown hairThe sole star in the black night skyThe addictive lyrics on my mindThe melody on which all ballerinas learn to danceThe last minute ticking on the weekendThe first beam of light on the morningThe beginning of every end. You're not just a partner.You're the white half of a ying yangExcept that the only black thread about youIs how you hide all alone in your room

Your air still reaches me, it's the only air I needSo I would knit my own white thread through all the darkness in me.

Here is where you'll love meHere is where I'll leaveHere is where I'm unaccompanied & here is where I believeSounds of laughter that criesDreams built from shattersDiamonds broken to dustSecond degree pro actorsThe light within the darknessThe fear within the courageThe heads behind desksEither clueless or blissful factorsI'm in a hospital filled with patientsWho call themselves doctors.

I wish our love story was a random encounter at a bus stop,or a shy glance two tables apart at a local café,or a book falling from my hands & you picking it up on the train,or a shared table & passion for pages in a library.Then we'd know it's meant to be,not us trying to make it mean something.You wouldn't be prepared,I'd be anxious.. & scared,so we nervously fall in love.Nothing will be planned,nothing will ever feel proper,never falling in line,but we passionately love the chaos.

Perhaps it was a wrong move,to try & make everything go right.

Writings by:

Mai Adil

Drawings by:

Alaa Mohammed Roshdy