a geek leader's guide to influencing business people

Copyright 2013 Leading Geeks Company | wwwleadinggeekscom | 310-694-0450 1

Leading Geeks education + consulting

A Geek Leaderrsquos Guide to Influence

One of the most poorly kept secrets of technology leader-

ship is that we geek leaders tend to lack influence in our

organizations especially IT Leaders

Yoursquove probably noticed that few really seem to have the

clout that you would think comes with their lofty titles and a

plausible explanation for this phenomenon is not apparent

But if yoursquore interested in climbing the ladder and being

effective once you arrive at a higher rung you need a useful

framework for understanding why this might be happening

and what you can do about so you can take your place in

the inner circle of the organization

In this paper wersquore going to look in depth at

What influence is

Why itrsquos especially challenging for geek leaders

Specific skills you need to become more influential

Both the explanation and the skills that we highlight are

geared specifically toward people with technical back-

grounds because a lot of the generic approaches have not

served us well

In This Paper

WHY WE LACK INFLUENCE

Influence vs power 3

The preconditions of influence 4

Facts arenrsquot enough 5

A GEEK-FRIENDLY APPROACH

Reduce our resistance Become willing 7

Reduce their resistance Foster openness 10

SOFT SKILLS FOR INFLUENCE

Skill 1 Listen for whatrsquos important 15

Skill 2 Describe a rosy future 21

Skill 3 Expose your desire 23

Skill 4 Translate facts into stories 25

Skill 5 Restore Trust 28

A Geek Leaderrsquos Guide to Influencing

Business People

Leading Geeks is an education and consulting firm dedicated to unlocking the value of technical people By shining light on the different worldviews of technical and non-technical people we help solve age-old problems in new ways and uncover untapped potential for productivity creativity and innovation To explore how we might help you contact us at infoleadinggeekscom

Sponsored by

By PAUL GLEN and MARIA MCMANUS




Is it really that bad

Unfortunately it is At all levels of IT management from top to bottom leaders struggle to influence

people in their organizations You have probably experienced firsthand the frustration of not being able

to get through to your colleagues or wondered why your seat at the table seems to come with its own

sound-cancelling force field

Itrsquos puzzling since they hire us because wersquore the experts and yet we wonder why

They make decisions without consulting us

They donrsquot listen when they do consult us

We end up feeling confused frustrat-

ed and disrespected and we wonder

ldquowhatrsquos wrong with themrdquo Or worse

ldquowhatrsquos wrong with merdquo The pain of

disrespect is bad enough coupled

with the confusion of why itrsquos

happening and what to do about it is

almost debilitating

You are not alone in this experience

Every few years therersquos a new study

accompanied by a flurry of headlines

reminding us about IT leadersrsquo

persistent lack of influence Here are

a few samples generated by a recent

Gartner study

ldquoCIOs dismissed as techies without business savvy by CEOsrdquo Computerworld UK April 12

2012

ldquoWhy CIOs Are Last Among Equalsrdquo Sloan Management Review May 20 2012

ldquoMost CIOs on the board but have little business influence rdquo Computerworld UK July 20

2012

Whatrsquos been tried to fix this

As geek leaders we are not ones to leave a problem unsolved We have been diligently working on this

problem for a generation We have invested countless hours learning to ldquospeak the language of the

businessrdquo with the assumption that if we speak their language we will be heard and our influence

embraced Wersquove gotten MBAs and other advanced degrees hoping that the credentials will bolster our

stature as authorities which in turn will make people listen more We have devised ingenious metrics

to measure and prove our worth with the assumption that when people understand how important we

are to the mission of the organization they will listen

But year after year very little changes

The confusion of why itrsquos happening and what to do about it is almost debilitating




Why we lack influence Perhaps nothing changes because we havenrsquot grasped the underlying reasons for why we have lacked

influence for so long These reasons have been hiding in places where geeks tend not to look hellip in the

realm of human relationships trust and empathy In our work exploring the worldview differences

between geeks and non-geeks we have uncovered unexpected insights about why IT professionals tend

to lack influence The primary reasons include

We donrsquot know the difference between influence and power

We fail to cultivate the preconditions for being influential

We try to use techniques that are more suited to sales people than geeks

Influence vs power

The biggest reason that we donrsquot have much influence is that we fundamentally misunderstand what it

is We have trouble as most people do distinguishing between influence and power

When we lead discussions with senior IT leaders or groups of CIOs and ask them to describe the

difference between influence and power they quickly become flustered and confused by their lack of

clarity They usually assert that both are a means of getting people to do what you want And in this

model influence becomes a kind of

watered down version of power a

kind of power-lite With power you

just tell people what to do and they do

it because you control the conse-

quences of their compliance With

influence you ask cajole or convince

them to do it instead

But that model is incorrect Power

and influence are not different means

for achieving the same end They are

quite distinct from one another and if

you want to expand your ability to

influence people you need to

understand the difference

Power is the ability to affect another personrsquos observable behavior If Irsquom wielding power I have the means and will to coerce you to do what I want I may do it through authority control of rewards or threats of punishment but regardless it is coercive

Influence is the ability to affect another personrsquos inner state hellip what they think feel and believe If Irsquom exerting influence Irsquom trying to change your inner experience how you think or feel about something Perhaps you may do something differently because of your internal change but itrsquos not because I ldquomade you do itrdquo

Influence is the ability to affect another personrsquos inner state




Letrsquos look at an everyday example of the difference between power and influence You pick up your

mail and you see that you have been summoned to jury duty You know that according to the laws in

your state if you donrsquot show up you could be fined or even jailed And you know that the state with

their well-funded police force could nab you the next time you run a stop sign and the consequences

could be severe So despite the huge inconvenience you show up at jury duty grumbling all the way

And the police and judge really couldnrsquot care less what your inner state might be whether yoursquore happy

to serve or not All they care about is your compliance

Letrsquos say you were picked to sit on that jury Now you are listening to the lawyers present their case

trying to sway your opinion toward their side in whatever way they can But these lawyers have no

power over you All they can do is influence how you view the facts how you feel about the defend-

ants and what principles of right and wrong you should apply

As you can see the targets are completely different With power your inner state is irrelevant With

influence your inner state is everything

The preconditions of influence

Given that influence is about affecting someonersquos inner state we can now see how the requirements for

exercising influence is very different than simply having a carrot or a stick There are three basic

preconditions that must be met by you and the people you want to influence

They must be open to being influenced by you

You must be willing to change their inner state

You must be able to move them to think feel andor believe differently

The hard truth is that many of us technical leaders lack influence because we donrsquot meet the precondi-

tions of influence We rarely consider whether or not people are open to us And since we have an

aversion meddling with peoplersquos inner lives we are neither willing nor particularly capable of doing it

well

Why Because we prefer to believe that facts should be influential not people

Facts arenrsquot enough

Early in Paulrsquos consulting career he

had a painful lesson in which facts

logic and reason completely failed

him Herersquos his story

ldquoA CIO hired me to fix his depart-

ments software development process

problems Specifically he wanted me

to analyze why despite having

implemented elaborate processes the

projects were still late over budget or

failing altogether

They must be open you must be willing and able




So I did my analysis and felt good about my conclusions I wrote a detailed and logically organized

presentation and walked the CIO through it As I presented it he seemed engaged receptive and

pleased He asked good questions and constantly nodded in agreement with key points In short he

agreed with the facts He agreed with principles He agreed with absolutely everything I said hellip until I

got to the recommendations

When I started to recommend specific changes including some behavioral adjustments for him his

demeanor completely changed With

a scowl on his face he said ldquoIrsquom not

doing any of thatrdquo

I was totally shocked Hadnrsquot I laid out

a rational reasonable case supported

by credible evidence and hadnrsquot he

agreed with every premise and every

fact Yes he had So what went

wrong

In retrospect I realized I hadnrsquot

prepared him emotionally to accept

that what he thought were process

problems were really people prob-

lems in which he played an important

role I made the mistake of assuming

that the indisputable facts would lead

to the obvious conclusion and compel

him to take action But I failed to move him in the direction of making a personal change and nothing

got betterrdquo

This is not a unique experience When we tell this story at workshops and presentations heads nod in

recognition it is an almost universal experience among geek leaders hellip although we may have masterful

command over the facts we often fail to influence the people even when it is for their own good

Ill-fitting advice

Geeks tend to overemphasize the importance of facts overlooking the importance of cultivating

emotional openness However experts on influence tend to overemphasize the importance of persua-

sive techniques overlooking the importance of overcoming resistance to even using these techniques

Many useful and widely read books have been written on influence and persuasion and what they tend

to have in common is that they focus on skills and techniques Wersquove observed that blindly following

this type of advice rarely leads to influence at least for technical people Those who try to use these

formulaic approaches seem wooden and inauthentic odd and off-putting

Many of the techniques are about overwhelming other peoplersquos resistance to your will or treating

others like unwitting victims of your savvy manipulation While this may be fine for a salesperson trying

to close a single deal itrsquos not the kind of approach most of us can adopt

Hadnrsquot he agreed with every premise and every fact Yes he had So what went wrong




We geeks are generally not interested

in dominating others We want to be

respected and included not feared

and obeyed Nor are we interested in

manipulating how people feel Many

geek leaders strongly adhere to

principles of respect for another

personrsquos intelligence transparency of

information and intent and rational

decision making based on good facts

So telling us to simply adopt persua-

sive techniques without addressing our aversion to persuading other people wonrsquot help us much

A geek-friendly approach to influence So what geek leaders need is an approach that is

Focused on building influence rather than power

Consistent with our goals and personalities

Suited for us and for those we would like to influence

What wersquove observed is that rather than following the conventional advice a more effective approach is

to think about influence as a two stage process for meeting the preconditions for influence

First reduce resistance

Then use techniques of influence to change othersrsquo inner state

Now letrsquos look at the preconditions for influence and note that this approach addresses all three and

raises the probability of success

We need to address our aversion to persuading other people

Become more willing

Foster their openness

Adapt our approaches


Then improve technique




Reduce our resistance Become willing to move people The first source of resistance isnrsquot theirs but ours We hate the whole idea of influence once we

understand what it really means You might be saying to yourself ldquoDonrsquot be absurd of course Irsquom willing

to influence people I wouldnrsquot be reading about it if I werenrsquotrdquo

But donrsquot be so sure

Our beliefs undermine our willingness

If you are like many people in technology you probably hold some firmly held beliefs that get in the way

of your willingness to move people Wersquove identified two beliefs that are real obstacles

1 Peoplersquos decisions should be based on logic and objectively verifiable facts rather than subjective

experience

Most geeks believe that how people feel on the inside their subjective reality is not a good basis for

decision-making Itrsquos irrelevant at best and destructive at worst We love working with technology

because unlike people it behaves predictably and consistently (usually) In our heart of hearts we

dearly wish that people would behave this way too What we really wish is that influence was unneces-

sary and that we would all look at the

same set of facts and independently

come to the same conclusion That

human beings donrsquot behave this way

seems to us like a design flaw

So we carry around the sense that

humans who donrsquot operate on pure

reason are flawed (and annoying)

2 ldquoManipulatingrdquo other peoplersquos

inner experience is wrong

We donrsquot want to take advantage of a

design flaw We donrsquot want to appeal

to how people feel on the inside

because it seems disrespectful like pointing out that someone has something stuck in their teeth We

have a negative emotional reaction to the whole idea of appealing to emotions since we hate it when

people appeal to ours

It is a weird irony that our reputation for being mechanical and robotic is based on our most empathetic

impulse We donrsquot appeal to emotions because it makes us cringe to have our emotions appealed to

and we really donrsquot want to do that to other people

These beliefs which may be so important to developing great technology undermine our influence

because as we will see many if not most of our colleagues rely on their emotions to understand the

world and make decisions Our unwillingness to try to change othersrsquo emotions is at the heart of why

we lack influence

We hate the whole idea of influence




Decisions are based on emotions

As much as we wish it werenrsquot so human emotions are essential to decision making Reason facts and

logic are just not enough At a very basic level a human organism determines what to do next by

distinguishing what feels good from what feels bad And the experience of good and bad rewarding

and punishing is a function of how we process simple emotional responses When emotional pro-

cessing is damaged people become paralyzed with indecision

Some of the most compelling evidence of this comes from the work of a neuroscientist named Antonio

Damasio He studied a number of patients with damage to part of the orbitofrontal cortex and portion

of the prefrontal cortex the part of the brain associated with emotional processing

He noticed that these patients not only became emotionless and devoid of wants and desires but they

also became utterly unable to make decisions One day one of his emotionless patients whom the

psychology world knows as Eliot tried to make a simple decision about when to set up his next appoint-

ment with the researcher This is how Damasio describes it

ldquoFor the better part of half an hour the patient enumerated reasons for and against each of

the two dates previous engagements proximity to other engagements possible meteorologi-

cal conditions virtually anything that one could reasonably think about concerning a simple

date [It was] a fruitless comparison of options and possible consequences It took enormous

discipline to listen to all of this without pounding on the table and telling him to stoprdquo

Numerous other studies are shedding light on how simple affective experience enables cognition But

letrsquos look at a very simple model for

how this works because accepting the

role of emotions in decision making is

essential for becoming more willing to

move people toward good decisions

A geek-compatible approach to appealing to emotions

Emotions are hard to understand and

deal with They seem infinitely

complex unpredictable and inherently

ambiguous But there is one rule of

thumb that we have found to be

extremely useful for concrete thinkers who want to up their emotional game Simply put

People choose things that make them feel good or not feel bad

With this rule of thumb you can adjust your approach to influencing someone based on what makes

them feel good And the first step toward doing so is to recognize this important truth

What makes you feel good does not necessarily make someone else feel good





This seems like itrsquos almost too obvious to bother saying but you would be surprised how often we lose

sight of this basic fact especially at work And in our exploration of the differences between geeks and

non-geeks wersquove identified a fundamental difference in what geeks find rewarding compared to most

of the rest of the work world

This difference is marked by how deeply rewarding it is for geeks to align themselves with Truth

Objectively verifiable truth For many of us this is our primary means of connecting with other people

By sharing agreement on what is known to be true we feel a sense of belonging to a community greater

than ourselves

So geeks ironically have a very emotional attachment to facts and logic because if feels good Itrsquos no

accident that Mr Spock is by far the most popular Star Trek character of all time among geeks

Other people are not necessarily motived by objectivity in the same way Letrsquos look at some differences

While it is not in our scope to describe the entirety of possible human motivations we are highlighting

some that you will likely see at work And as commonplace as these social and subjective motivations

are we find that many geeks refuse to

accept their validity as motives

To geeks the desire for self-

expression seems indulgent Status-

seeking seems craven belonging

seems trivial harmony seems

pathetically Pollyanna-ish and

winning seems evil

Since these alternative motivations

seem so wrong appealing to them

feels even worse Many geek leaders are unwilling to do so and this is at the heart of why we lack

influence Because we arenrsquot willing to extend ourselves stretch our worldviews and meet people

where they are at

One could look at this tendency negatively and label it stubbornness and inflexibility but we prefer to

recognize that this tendency is rooted in strong principled behavior and a special geek brand of empa-

thy Geeks are simply following the golden rule here Treating others as they would like to be treated

But the golden rule is fundamentally flawed because it doesnrsquot account for real deep divisive differ-

ences in what people find rewarding

Objectivity makes geeks feel good Non-geeks gravitate to the subjective and social

Facts Logic Evidence Analysis Right answers

Belonging Status Harmony Self-expression Winning

The golden rule is fundamentally flawed




Reduce their resistance Foster openness The second source of resistance is theirs rather than ours No matter how willing we are to change

someone elsersquos inner experience they must be open to allow us to do that You canrsquot overpower

someone to change how they feel You canrsquot grab your project sponsor by the shirt stare into her eyes

and say ldquoYou care about this project nowrdquo

So we need to understand what makes a person open to being influenced by someone else Itrsquos rather

simple really For them to be open to your influence they need to believe two things

You are competent enough to help me in this domain

You are on my side

Overemphasizing competence

Just as we overemphasize facts we geeks also tend to overemphasize competence We believe that if

we are knowledgeable in this area and smart than they should be open to our influence In other

words ldquoIf I know what Irsquom talking about you should heed my advicerdquo

Thatrsquos why we spend so much time and effort demonstrating validating and expanding our compe-

tence We love advanced degrees learning new skills getting certified in new languages or project

management approaches Not only are these fun and satisfying for us we believe that these are the

things that should matter most when others consider whether to be open to our influence ldquoIf an

objective third party deems me competent than so should yourdquo

But this single-minded focus on competence has disastrous results Because in truth if someone

doesnrsquot think that yoursquore on their side it doesnrsquot matter what they think of your competence In fact if

they think that your allegiance lies elsewhere and they think you are competent they become even less

open Competent enemies are much more threatening than incompetent ones

So wersquore not going to focus on competence here since thatrsquos not our challenge Letrsquos focus on the

second criteria because in general we

are terrible at creating the feeling in

others that we are ldquoon their siderdquo

ldquoThatrsquos absurdrdquo you say ldquoHow could

they doubt my commitment Donrsquot

they know how many hours I put in

While theyrsquore home watching a

football game my team and I are

here launching services for themrdquo

Well actually they donrsquot know the

number of hours that you put in and

even if they did thatrsquos not how

people evaluate whether or not you

are on their side

Competent enemies are much more threatening than incompetent ones




How do people evaluate same-sidedness

The source of the feeling of same-sidedness is primal even biological and is sensed by people based on

a number of cues that we geeks rarely attend to

This is because the feeling of ldquobeing on your siderdquo is rooted in our nature as social animals We evolved

as tribal creatures and determining who was in and out of our circle of support was critical to survival

As animals we needed to know

Who will help us survive and deserves to be helped by us

Who will harm us and deserves to be killed enslaved or avoided

Itrsquos an instinctive feeling not a rational calculation And itrsquos a feeling thatrsquos primarily triggered by

empathy

Empathy is the key to openness

Our human physiology bears evidence to the importance of determining who is on our side and who is

not

In the late 1990s brain scientists discovered that a considerable portion of the human brain was

composed of what they now call

ldquomirror neuronsrdquo whose function is to

recognize and reproduce in us the

experience of other people Before

that it was assumed that the brain

had three major functions memory

cognition and autonomic control

But it became clear that there was

more It now seems that another

major function of the brain is the

ability to put yourself in someone

elsersquos shoes When we see other

people do things like reach for a

peanut or get poked with a stick the

corresponding neurons in our own

brains become activated as if we ourselves were experiencing those sensations or executing that

action

ldquoAny time you watch someone doing something the neurons that your brain would use to do the same

thing become active ndash as if you yourself were doing itrdquo explains neuroscientist VS Ramachandran

This capacity benefits us in many ways allowing us to

Imitate others seamlessly enabling easy transmission of knowledge and culture If he hits a rock like that against another rock and a spark jumps out then I can do that very same thing In fact Irsquom already doing it in my mind so I think Irsquoll make myself some fire

Same-sidedness is sensed by people based on a number of cues that we geeks rarely attend to




Predict intentions of other people allowing us to recognize and advance their goals If I were looking longingly at those grapes hanging from a vine just beyond my reach as I see you doing now I know instinctively that you want those grapes And if I give you a boost yoursquoll reach them and be gratified and grateful to me and maybe even share them

Learn language If mom puts her lips that way and I put my lips that way Irsquom going to make a sound like she makes and hellip look hellip Irsquom doing it and it makes her happy

And our mirror neurons donrsquot fire equally for just anyone Research is beginning to indicate that the

closer the affiliation between people the more strongly their mirror neurons fire So the closer you feel

to someone the more intensely you feel their pain and want to avoid causing it And the more we

detect that someone else resonates with our emotions the more we trust that they are on our side

In short we look for cues of empathetic feelings as a sign that it is safe to be open to someonersquos

influence

Empathy is constantly being reassessed

ldquoOh nordquo you might be thinking ldquoIf I

wanted a job where empathy

mattered I would have become a

social worker or a salesman Now you

tell me that to create good technology

I have to show people that I care

about themrdquo

Actually yes Sorry

But wait It gets worse Not only is

empathy required but itrsquos not a one-

time thing

Same-sidedness is something that we

constantly monitor and reassess

They may feel that Irsquom on your side

today and feel completely differently tomorrow based on your subconscious assessment of my empa-

thy

This collides with another of our geek cultural biases We tend to see the world through the lens of

problems and solutions And once a problem is solved it stays solved The idea that the right answer to

a question can change from day to day is profoundly disturbing We would assume that once someone

believes that we are on their side the question is settled and we can move on to other things

But if we want to be influential we need to recognize that this is not a problem that can be solved but a

situation to be managed The question of whether they trust that we are on their side is always open

Cues of empathetic feelings are a sign that it is safe to be open to someonersquos influence




How we inadvertently close them off

When we encounter resistance to our influence we have our own natural emotional response to their

resistance We know that we are on their side why donrsquot they Therersquos little more maddening than

being treated like an enemy when you know that you are a friend On itrsquos face it is deeply upsetting

Humans tend to resent people who upset them

In addition when our influence is spurned we assume that our competence is being called into

question Since we geeks value competence so highly we get insulted And a common response to

being insulted by another person is to feel contempt for them

ldquoWell maybe sordquo you say ldquoBut I am very careful to treat everyone I work with respectfully I would

never treat anyone with contemptrdquo

And for that we applaud you A commitment to respect is a powerful character strength and essential

to fostering influence But you should know that contemptuous thoughts can rarely be hidden For as

much as people need to be hit across the side of head with evidence that you share their concerns they

are incredibly sensitive to any sign that someone views them negatively And contempt is very difficult

to conceal Sometimes the very attempt to conceal it flat voice and stony face is exactly what betrays

its presence Their mirror neurons pick up our contempt whether we like it or not

And when they sense contempt rather than empathy they become convinced that wersquore not on their

side and resist us even more

Martin Luther King is quoted as saying ldquoYou can have no influence over those for whom you have

underlying contemptrdquo

To reduce contempt we need to catch

it in the act The clue that yoursquore

falling into this trap is when you hear

yourself thinking about another

person and the word ldquoSHOULDrdquo

comes to mind ldquoThey SHOULD do

thisrdquo Or ldquothey SHOULDNrsquoT believe

something like thatrdquo Grumbling

about what they should or shouldnrsquot

be doing is a sure sign that yoursquore in

danger of slipping into contempt It

indicates that you feel that therersquos a

right and wrong way to approach

something and yoursquore going to judge the idiots who do it wrong

This is the greatest temptation of principled people judging and rejecting people who violate our

principles But if we want to influence and contribute to people who are different than us we must

accept that they see the world differently and behave differently in it

Grandma had a useful saying ldquoIt takes all kindsrdquo

Contemptuous thoughts can rarely be hidden




Empathy paves the way

Later in Paulrsquos career after having learned the limitations of the fact-only approach to influence he had

an opportunity to use empathy as an explicit strategy to build influence with a client It resulted in

saving the client millions of dollars Herersquos the story

ldquoA CIO of a midsize manufacturing firm hired me to figure out what to do with a botched ERP implemen-

tation Among the many detractors of this system the most vociferous were the manufacturing opera-

tions people whose angry cries to have it replaced immediately were deafening even though they were

1000 miles away from headquarters

After a couple of weeks of analysis it became clear that replacing the system didnrsquot make sense It

would cost more than $3 million and offer no business value over fixing the one already in place But

how could I build consensus around this decision when so many of the stakeholders were collecting

pitchforks for a march on the corporate office

In my younger days I would have put together a cogent logically structured well-organized presenta-

tion to convince them to support my recommendations But this time I knew better Instead I planned a

four-day trip to the manufacturing facility with the only goal being to meet their preconditions for

influence to reduce their resistance to me and my recommendations

I needed them to know that I was on their side that I understood their needs and cared about them as

people and colleagues And since I

was presumed to be tainted by my

association with the hated system I

also needed them to accept that I was

competent to help So I made sure we

had enough face time scheduling two

hours with each of the key managers

In meetings I emphasized that I had no

personal agenda explaining that I had

no opinion about the right course of

action until I had consulted with them

I created an opportunity for empa-

thetic listening by asking a single open

-ended question about their experi-

ence of the implementation and

working with the product

At each stakeholder meeting a tidal

wave of anger and complaints crashed

down on me I didnrsquot attempt to refute

anything they said only listened

patiently took notes and asked

clarifying questions I let myself be

moved by magnitude of what they had

Cues that I am on your side

So what were the cues of same-sidedness that I offered

in in those meetings at the manufacturing site Herersquos

what I did

Took lots of notes so he could see me writing down

what they said

Looked directly at them without avoidance or shame

Nodded my understanding

Mirrored their body language leaning in when they

did leaning back when they didnrsquot

Didnrsquot interrupt or defend

Asked clarifying questions

Commented on their emotions ldquothat mustrsquove been

really frustratingrdquo

In this case a little bit of empathy went a long way to

foster their openness to influence




suffered and sincerely offered sympathetic statements like ldquothat sounds awfulrdquo or ldquoI can see why

yoursquod be so angry about thatrdquo At the end of each meeting I explained that I would go back and

complete my analysis and return in a few weeks with a proposed course of action And I assured them

that whatever I recommended that I was committed to making sure their needs were met this time

This trip was not about gathering information I got a pretty good picture of the facts of the situation in

the first half day and then spent 3 frac12 days listening to the same stories over and over

But by the end of the four days a remarkable transformation had happened The manufacturing team

still despised the system but they were no longer intensely resistant to me my boss and everything we

had to say I hadnrsquot fully convinced them that I was on their side but I had shifted their stance from

outright hostility to guarded optimism

Two weeks later when I returned and gave them the logical structured presentation that I could have

given on the first visit they accepted that it was the best course of action and they agreed to support it

They werenrsquot overjoyed about the conclusion but were open to accepting it because they trusted that

my analysis was done with their needs and objectives in mind

Without that first trip to meet their preconditions for openness I have no doubt that they would not

have accepted the recommendations and likely wouldrsquove thrown me out of the building Those few days

of listening where very little was done and very little was learned resulted in the company saving

millions of dollarsrdquo

Soft Skills for Influence Now that you understand why we lack influence and how to reduce resistance we are finally ready to

look at the five essential skills that you need to become more influential Wersquore finally ready to talk

about the techniques you can use that will create for other people the experience of being open to you

and trusting of your input

1 Listen for what is important to people

2 Describe a rosy future

3 Expose your desire

4 Express commitment

5 Translate facts into stories

Will explore each one in more detail and explain both why it is important and what you need to do to

enhance your abilities

Skill 1 Listen for whatrsquos important to people

This is the single most important technique for reducing resistance to your influence If yoursquore only

going to focus your energy on developing one skill for influence this is it So wersquore going to invest more

time with this one than with the others




What is ldquolistening for whatrsquos importantrdquo and why it matters

Everyone has their own worldview their own inner sense of whatrsquos more important and whatrsquos less It

guides what they pay attention to It drives their actions And it colors their interpretation of the

meaning of facts events and relationships You can think of it as a set of axioms undergirding their

inner universe

Since itrsquos so central to their inner experience and the goal of influence is to change their inner experi-

ence therersquos nothing more powerful you can do to influence someone than to understand whatrsquos

important to them And therersquos little more destructive to influence than ignoring or rejecting their

sense of whatrsquos important in any given situation

But understanding whatrsquos important to people isnrsquot as simple as listening to what they say Few people

are even conscious of what they care about most Itrsquos just there Itrsquos such an ever present companion

like water to a fish that they donrsquot try to examine or articulate anything about its nature But donrsquot

make the mistake of thinking that because itrsquos invisible that itrsquos not essential

Peoplersquos responses to feeling understood or misunderstood are intense and visceral Even if they canrsquot

state clearly whatrsquos important to them they surely know when someone else neither understands nor

shares their sense of whatrsquos important The feeling that comes with not being understood can be

intense and painful And similarly the feeling that comes with being understood can be highly pleasura-

ble

Think about how this feels to you

Think about a time when someone really ldquogotrdquo something important you were trying to tell them You

were struggling for words to say something complex and your listener paraphrased it in exactly the

right way How did you feel when you realized that they understood Relieved Satisfied Safe

Encouraged

Now think back to when someone

simply wouldnrsquot or couldnrsquot under-

stand something important to you

You tried again and again to get them

to see why it was worth caring about

but their puzzled expression made it

clear they just never would How did

you feel at that moment Frustrated

Impatient Isolated On guard

Now consider which of these people

you would rather be influenced by

the one who understands whatrsquos

important to you or the one who is either unable or unwilling

Your job is to detect what problems they care most about solving Doing so moves them both rationally

and emotionally Herersquos what itrsquos like for them

Peoplersquos responses to feeling understood or misunderstood are intense and visceral




In short people trust you if they feel that you understand what is important to them even if you donrsquot

entirely agree with them They donrsquot trust you if they feel that you donrsquot understand And they feel

contempt for you if they think you donrsquot care enough to try to understand

Not quite the same as active listening

Chances are that yoursquove heard of a technique called active listening It involves patiently hearing out

what someone is saying and paraphrasing what you heard back to them Itrsquos a very useful technique

because not only do you confirm the information but the person yoursquore talking to registers that you

understood

Listening for whatrsquos important to other people is similar but extends the approach even further Here

you are not only listening for what they say but more importantly listening for what they mean

Yoursquore listening for

What they say

What they donrsquot say

What they donrsquot know how to say

People donrsquot often come right out and declare what they care about It is your responsibility to tease it

out and reflect back to them what you understood to be important to them Once you understand you

can validate its importance to you

Why we resist

We geeks often deliberately reject this type of listening especially when it comes to getting require-

ments from non-technical stakeholders Itrsquos because we hold certain beliefs derived from the develop-

ment and support processes that wersquove been taught We believe

They should know what they want

They should articulate whatrsquos important to them

They should translate whatrsquos important to them into technology requests

What they tell us should be precisely and literally true

Notice all the ldquoshouldrsquosrdquo in these beliefs We serve the needs of our stakeholders and they should be

the source of requirements and requests Unfortunately real people donrsquot always work that way

To master the skill of listening for what is important you must allow that people frequently fall short of

these ideals They often

If I know that you know what is important to me

Reason I can more confidently predict that Irsquoll get what I want even if I have difficulty articulating it

Emotion Irsquoll trust that you are supporting me personally that you are on my side not just buying into my objectives




Donrsquot know exactly what they want For many people this becomes clear to them in the

course of a conversation

Avoid actually stating what they really care about and instead make specific requests

which they presume will best address the issue In short they ask for solution to an

unarticulated problem

Lack sufficient knowledge about technology to make informed requests without help

Speak imprecisely They donrsquot express themselves fully debugged Java People frequently

use metaphors guesses and half-truths

How to find whatrsquos important to people

You might be wondering ldquoIf people wonrsquot or canrsquot say what they care about how the heck am I

supposed to knowrdquo The secret is to look for signs of emotion Herersquos a simple rule

Where there is emotion there is importance

People donrsquot have feelings about unimportant things so if you follow the feelings yoursquoll find what they

care about Once you notice the emotions in their statements intonation or language you can use all of

your powers of deductive and inductive reasoning to make your best guess about what underlies their

feelings

Here are four essential elements for this skill

Observe

Signs of emotion are easy to spot if

you remind yourself that you should

be looking for them The basic

expressions of human emotion are

instinctive and common so itrsquos just a

matter of paying attention to some-

thing we typically consider unim-

portant or even inappropriate at

work So when you are listening look

for signs of

Positive affect

Excitement and Enthusiasm - High energy Big smile Emphatic gestures

Interest - Sly grin Questions Returning to same point

Negative affect

Anger - Pursed lips Furrowed brow

Frustration ndash Sigh Clenched teeth

Stubbornness -- Not listening

Irrationality -- (your confusion)





The key is knowing that the emotions may not be directly related to what they are saying at the time

they display it An especially good cue is when the intensity of emotion they display does not fit with

the content of what theyrsquore saying If someone is red in the face screaming and upset about some

minor issue chances are that what theyrsquore complaining about isnrsquot really whatrsquos bothering them Yoursquoll

need to dig deeper to find out what it really is

Once you see the emotions you have

several options for how to figure out

what important things are eliciting

these emotions

Ask

There is absolutely no harm in asking

someone what they care about

These types of questions are usually

welcomed People are often glad to

be asked to talk about what is

important to them

Try asking some very simple questions like the following

ldquoWhat is most important to you about this projectrdquo

ldquoWhat will make you feel like this has really workedrdquo

ldquoWhat worries you about the plansrdquo

Notice that this is very different than asking about goals or objective project success criteria We geeks

often ask them to rank their priorities (features budget schedule quality) But the brain circuits that

give you access to what you care about are not the same brain circuits that allow you to rank things in

relative order Itrsquos like the difference between

Howrsquos your sonrsquos robot project coming along

And

How many hours have you spent on your sonrsquos robot project

One is open ended and invites excitement and pride Open-ended questions make room for people to

talk about their subjective experience The other taps into the calculating parts of the brain and is not

likely to engender an emotional response Both types of questions have their place but when asking

about importance you want to stay in the realm of emotions

Postpone objections

While you are listening to someone talk about what they want or what they are interested in you might

be tempted to voice your concerns about the plausibility and risks You might even be tempted to test

the validity of the request by exploring exceptions and edge cases right then and there As problem

There is absolutely no harm in asking someone what they care about




solvers we do this all the time But this form of analysis is destructive to influence when done at the

wrong time There are two reasons for this

They hear our problem-solving as resistance and negativity Rather than experiencing our

questions and analysis as a form of support they hear it as judgment of their competence

It interrupts their flow of thought which feels bad and disrespectful When they are

struggling to articulate whatrsquos important to them interruptions can be disruptive and even

painful Itrsquos a similar experience to the one we have when we get interrupted in the middle

of writing code How long does it take you to get back to where you were and become

productive again Thatrsquos what itrsquos like for someone who is trying to explain their vision for

a product or imagine the features they need and you interrupt them

Before you start to question their

request make sure yoursquove confirmed

that you understand whatrsquos important

about it Once they know that yoursquore

looking to understand before evalu-

ating they can participate in the

evaluation with you rather than

feeling judged and belittled A

surefire approach to postponing

objections is to always have paper and

pen handy You can jot your thought

down and come back to it after you

have made sure that they have been

heard

Reflect amp confirm

In active listening you reflect back the literal meaning of what you heard In listening for whatrsquos

important yoursquoll be reflecting a reasoned guess about what is important to them about what they were

saying You will be making assumptions about someone elsersquos inner life You will be forming hypothesis

about whatrsquos important to them and respectfully asking if yoursquore correct

And yoursquoll probably open your response with a simple phrase like

It sounds like what you want is hellip

It seems to be really important to you that hellip

If I understand correctly what matters here is hellip

I get that you really care about hellip

If you miss the mark they will have the opportunity to correct you and it will prompt them to be

explicit about what is important to them If you hit it on the nose they will be pleased and reassured

You might notice a smile a shift toward a more relaxed posture or eager head nodding If you havenrsquot

already had this experience with coworkers you will find it very rewarding

They hear our problem-solving as resistance and negativity




It may be a bit uncomfortable at first but once you get used to it yoursquoll wonder why you didnrsquot do this

all along Mastering the art of listening for whatrsquos important probably gets you 60 of the way to

becoming more influential

Skill 2 Describe a rosy future Influence is nearly always about the future getting approval for a future course of action or building

support for specific goals and approaches Even when you are trying to influence someone to reinter-

pret the meaning of past events itrsquos usually part of an attempt to build influence for the future

But herersquos another aspect of geek

culture frequently gets in the way

specifically our orientation toward

problems and solutions By their

nature problems are rooted in the

here and now A problem is about a

deficiency in the present or an

unexploited opportunity We love a

good problem and canrsquot help engaging

with a well-constructed compelling

question But for most non-geeks

problems are uninspiring They want

to be enticed by the prospect of a

better future not to be repelled by a

negative present

What we mean by a rosy future

Imagine that you want to upgrade your companyrsquos email server with new superfast solid-state storage

because the current equipment is slow and will only get worse over time Typically we would go to get

approval and explain the problem with a statement like

ldquoWe need to buy this new storage because the current system is slow and will continue to get

slower as our data volume grows As our staff grows this will only get worserdquo

Herersquos the same request but describing a rosy future instead of a looming problem

ldquoWe would like to buy this new storage in preparation for our staff expansion We want people

to get their email faster and more reliably today and position us to serve our expanding staff

with the same high level of servicerdquo

Notice the difference The rosy future emphasizes positive experiences set in the future The problem

emphasizes a flaw in the present that needs to be fixed

Non-geeks are more likely to be moved by imagining the positive experiences the new reality will bring

Essentially it is the difference between pain-relief and pleasure seeking If you want to influence

Emphasize positive experiences set in the future




someone you need to shift your approach toward what will motivate them rather than what will

motivate you

Describing a rosy future appeals both to their sense of reason and emotion

Why we resist

While shifting your approach to describe a positive experience in the future may seem like a fairly

straight forward easy thing to do we have found that many of us geeks struggle with this skill We

have observed that we donrsquot like to

talk about the future because it feels

like lying No one really knows what

the future will bring so describing a

future as if it were a certainty feels

dishonest And we loathe dishonesty

But as long as you realize yoursquore

describing a possible future and not

promising a particular outcome you

can feel freer to describe a scenario

without feeling disingenuous

How to reframe a prob-lem into a rosy future

Herersquos an exercise to help you focus

your imagination not on the probable facts of the future but on the experience and feelings of people

in that future

1 Describe a problem that yoursquod like to fix at work

2 Imagine a future where that problem is solved

3 Imagine the experience of living in that future vividly

4 Think of a colleague you would like to influence

5 Write the rosy future for that problem in terms of what that colleague considers im-portant

Once again this may feel unnatural at first but will become second nature in very short order Yoursquoll be

surprised at how much your business partners appreciate this

When I hear a compelling vision for the futurehellip

Reason -- I am engaged and start to consider the dependencies for how to get there

Emotion ndash I feel good about feeling good in the future and feel good about you

Describing a future as if it were a certainty feels dishonest




Skill 3 Expose your desire

Wersquove looked at ways to detect and respond

to the inner lives of the people you want to

influence This next skill is about exposing

your own inner state and telling your

partners what it is thatrsquos important to you At

core this technique is deceptively simple All

you have to do is start a few sentences with

the phrase ldquoI wantrdquo

The advantages of this phrase are not obvious

at first and you are not likely to see this skill

on anyone elsersquos list of essential soft skills but

it is one of the easiest tools to adopt and one

of the most overlooked by people with

technical backgrounds

Why it is important

There are two key reasons that this is so

important

1 Non-geeks are suspicious of people with

no wants

Our business partners correctly assume that

everyone has desires And when you donrsquot

express yours they assume that you made a

conscious choice to conceal them And then

they become suspicious because people who

conceal their desires often do so for devious

reasons as part of an attempt to gain

advantage through concealment or deception

So when you hide your wants from them they

are less likely to trust you and less open to

your influence They must consider that your

advice is secretly self-serving rather than

genuine and helpful

And when you do express your desires they

feel more confident in predicting your

behavior because they understand your

motivations

Express commitment

Another phrase to add to your bag of tricks is ldquoI

am committed to helliprdquo This is especially important

when talking about milestones and deadlines It

is beautiful because it expresses what you care

about and are working toward without getting

you into the morass of making a promise

A commitment is not the same as a promise A

promise is a guarantee of what will happen in

the future and as we all know no one really

knows with complete certainty what will happen

in the future

A commitment on the other hand is an

expression of what you care about and what you

feel determined to do The beauty of a

commitment is that unlike a promise it does not

guarantee an outcome You donrsquot risk having

told a lie if that result isnrsquot achieved So many

things happen outside of our control that it

makes many of us uncomfortable to talk about

the future with any degree of certainty A

commitment guarantees only one thing that

you will continue to work toward an outcome

You canrsquot control what happens but you can

control what you are committed to

Notice the difference between these two

statements

I we will finish the project by September 1

I am committed to finishing the project by

September 1

The first statement might be hard for you to say

because you arenrsquot a fortune-teller You donrsquot

really know that it will be done The second

statement is probably something you can say

with confidence especially if you have

researched the issues and consider it to be a

realistic goal With a commitment there is a lot

more room for flexibility while staying firmly

rooted in achieving the outcome

Many times non-technical people will be

satisfied with the second statement Not only

will it be satisfying to them they will also feel

good about you




2 Itrsquos easier to come to agreement when everybody wants something

When no one is willing to express what they want progress becomes difficult and conversations stilted

To get a feel for how important is to be able to express your desire when trying to influence people

letrsquos look at what happens when desire isnrsquot expressed Herersquos an exchange we all might recognize

Where do you want to go for dinner

I dunno Where do you want to go

Well what are you in the mood for

Anythingrsquos good for me I donrsquot really care

How about Chinese

I guess sure

Okay then I guess wersquoll go to Chinese

And then our protagonists trudge off to have lackluster dim sum No desire no excitement no shared

objectives They fall into a tenuous same-sidedness by default

But the dynamic changes radically when desires are expressed


Hmmm Irsquom feeling like something spicy

How about that new Szechwan place

That sounds great Irsquod love to go there

And now our protagonists bound off both eager for the heat and spice of a great Chinese meal Not

only did they arrive at their conclusion faster they can be assured that they are less likely to be

deterred or distracted by some other option Expressing their desire cements the fact that they are on

the same side in this dinner-getting endeavor

When you say what you want it exposes your inner life reveals what is important to you gives people a

chance to want what you want and builds trust Herersquos how people experience it

Why we resist

Because we geeks are so devoted to rationality logic and objective truth we generally believe that

subjective things like wants should have nothing to do with decisions at work In fact our analytical

approach is designed specifically to remove emotional things like wanting from decision-making

If I know what you ldquowantrdquo hellip

Reason ndash I can better predict your behavior ndash Itrsquos a shortcut to agreement

Emotion -- I feel good because we want the same thing and wersquore on the same side -- I feel relieved and can put away my suspicions




And so over time we develop an aversion to expressing our desires at work and even judge those who

do as violating some of our common but unstated assumptions We assume that

Wanting is selfish People who express their wants at work are self-centered They prefer to get

what they want rather than figure out whatrsquos right for everyone involved

Wanting should be irrelevant Decisions should be made based on observable facts and logic to

maximize the positive the outcome for the entire organization What an individual wants

should have nothing to do with decision-making

Wanting is too risky And more subtly expressing wants exposes us to ridicule so we prefer to

keep our private wants private

How to improve your ability to say ldquoI wantrdquo

When you do express wants at work they need not be self-centered or selfish In fact you probably

already do express your wants at work but disguise them as objective needs rather than personal

desires

Here are a few examples of personal wants that would be easy to express to your business partners

ldquoI want this to be the smoothest launch yoursquove ever experiencedrdquo

ldquoI want this new software to make your life easierrdquo

ldquoI want to protect the studentsrsquo privacyrdquo

ldquoI want to give us a competitive advantage not just keep uprdquo

Experiment with this phrase in low-stakes situations say at home with your spouse or kids Our guess is

that if you start to say ldquoI wantrdquo with people who are not used to hearing you say it you will notice

slightly different positive reactions from them

Skill 4 Translate facts into stories

Why stories are important for influence

Humans are wired for narrative hellip from heroic epics to sacred myths to Hollywood blockbusters to

bedtime stories to gossip The content may change from culture to culture but storytelling is universal

People generally need to relate to information narratively Facts arenrsquot enough Without a cast of

motivated characters and a sequence of causal events facts just float like dust in a spotlight illuminated

but meaningless

But we geeks donrsquot value stories like others do We tend to think more abstractly Principles rules and

frameworks help us to organize facts and give them meaning That relatively rare ability to think

abstractly and manipulate symbols is part of what draws us to technical work in the first place In our

work itrsquos not just an odd quirk but also an essential element of success But most people relate to

information as if it were a character in a story




Some of the most successful IT

leaders have a habit of anthropo-

morphizing various aspects of their

technology so that non-technical

people can get their minds around

it Herersquos an example from early in

Mariarsquos career

I was planning the feature

set for a web product and

the tech lead kept saying

that certain features I

requested were

ldquoexpensiverdquo I asked what

he meant by that and he explained without really changing his metaphor ldquoWhen you submit

that query it taxes the systemrdquo I listened carefully but never really understood that how

important it was And my choices for that product lead to our creating something that was

indeed deathly slow

Later the situation was explained to me differently by a tech lead who went on to become a

Director He said ldquoWhen you submit the query you are telling it to run through the whole

database and look in every row and every column asking are you there Thatrsquos why the more

data in your data base the more your query has to run around looking under every rock and it

slows the system down Itrsquos very drainingrdquo As soon as I could picture the story of a query I

could appreciate the significance of the cost to the system and I was able to much more easily

let go of or modify problematic requirements

Without the story of how the query worked I heard the information but not the meaning and

didnrsquot change my thinking With the story I got the meaning and adjusted my approach I was

influenced by the able tech lead and glad of it

To become more influential at work yoursquoll need to hone your ability to translate your native tongue of

concept into story

Why we resist

We resist telling stories because we mistrust anecdotes Letrsquos take a minute to look at why that is

Itrsquos pretty rare in a math class for a teacher to ask a student about their feelings related to the truth of a

proposition In math proof is the only acceptable standard How you feel is irrelevant And this makes

sense because math is about the manipulation of abstract symbols which have no explicit connection to

intuition emotion or other forms of human knowing Intuition can be a great guide in math but it has

If I hear your facts in the context of a story or metaphor hellip

Reason ndash I can actually understand what you are saying

Emotion -- I can relate to the meaning of your facts and be stirred to decisive action

Most people relate to information as if it were a character in a story




no bearing on whether something is

considered true or false

And we are also taught that examples

are not a form of proof that anec-

dotes are not evidence But here we

fall into a logical trap of hasty

generalization We apply that rule to

all things in life rather than restricting

it to reasoning about abstractions

We believe that here are no valid uses for anecdotes

A more valid conclusion would be to recognize the contextual uses of anecdotes In many instances

they are helpful vehicles for evidence

And in case you need evidence for the value of anecdotes and influence neuroscience is beginning to

offer exactly that Scientists are now finding that our brains our designed to process information by

observing a sequence of causal events A good story activates mirror neurons in the brain as the

listener imagines themselves in the story It triggers cortisol a hormone associated with focusing

attention and oxytocin the empathy hormone which engenders warm caring feelings

So go ahead and give storytelling a try without feeling that yoursquore compromising your commitment to

logic and reason You donrsquot have to give them up to use stories for influence

How to translate facts into story

Since wersquore all wired for storytelling and narrative you already have it in you We donrsquot need to teach

you how to tell a compelling story But we find that translating concepts and symbols into stories

doesnrsquot always come naturally It takes a concerted effort and practice to translate facts logic and

reason into a narrative structure

Start with your goal

Think about a situation that you want to influence Be explicit about what decision needs to be made

the best course of action and who will be making the decision and what is important to them

Your goal will be to move that person to change what that they think feel or believe in such a way that

they make a decision in support of that action

Capture the facts

Then simply write down the most important convincing facts related to your case For example

We have 12 help desks on campus

Each helpdesk has its own tracking software and procedures

Faculty staff and student satisfaction with tech support surveyed at its lowest point in 10

years

Anecdotes are vehicles for evidence




The two biggest complaints in the satisfaction survey were that people didnrsquot know which

helped us to call or were constantly being bounced from one to another

We spend 25 more on support per user than our peer institutions

Think of an experience

Then think of an experience real hypothetical or even metaphorical that references these facts as well

as the emotions triggered by the situation Tell what happened and what resulted The story emerges

from causal events Herersquos an example

Last month the Dean of the arts college called me to complain about how much trouble he had

getting help with a hard drive problem on his laptop He couldnrsquot figure out which of our 12

help desks to call so he just randomly picked one He waited on the phone for 10 minutes and

then was told that he had to call someone else And as I listened to him I felt worse knowing

that we spent 25 more than our sister institutions only to give him such poor service

End with a moral

Make sure there is a ldquomoralrdquo to your story Be explicit about what your listener should conclude about

this story

I really want us to have an easy-to use cost effective help desk system I think we can save a lot

of money if we can just prioritize this project for next quarter

Skill 5 Restore Trust

Every work relationship has breakdowns eventually Projects have problems Expectations arenrsquot met

Or personalities clash

These breakdowns if handled poorly can destroy all of your good work and undermine your influence

But thatrsquos not necessary In fact handled well you can exit a relationship breakdown with more

influence than you started with

As geeks when problems arise we tend to focus exclusively on fixing the problem Unfortunately no

matter how capable you are at fixing technical problems your business partners will not feel good

about you or your technology if you donrsquot manage the feelings that arise with these issues

Formula

Here is a formula for a basic story structure that can contain any kind of fact

Someone [ did | experienced ] something that was [ surprising | intriguing |

unexplained |embarrassing | exciting | difficult | etc] which lead to an outcome




In Paulrsquos book ldquo8 Steps to Restoring Client Trustrdquo he outlined a simple approach for overcoming

inevitable conflicts handling both the facts and the feelings

1 Be prepared ndash for inevitable breakdowns

2 Get their facts ndash as your business partner understands them Just listen

3 Find the feelings ndash about the situation and the relationship

4 Let them know you got it ndash listen for whatrsquos important to them

5 Dispute the facts (if you must) ndash Only dispute their facts if itrsquos important

6 Frame the problem ndash ensure that the meaning of the problem is not misconstrued or

blown out of proportion

7 Handle the feelings ndash offer an apology for the facts the feelings and the impact of the

problem

8 Handle the problem ndash lastly fix whatever went wrong

Remember just as empathy is essential in building trust it is even more important when restoring it

Conclusion By now hopefully you no longer feel that IT Leaders can never overcome the persistent influence

deficit We can get that ldquoseat at the tablerdquo that wersquove been talking about for decades

But it will take consistent and persistent work on our part to lower the barriers (the resistance) to our

influence and practice in the techniques to break through

Too much is at stake to give up Technology has become too central to the success of our organizations

to accept that we in technology will forever be relegated to second class status We owe it to ourselves

to our staffs and to our organizations to strive for influence commensurate with the technology we

oversee




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About Leading Geeks




Is it really that bad

Unfortunately it is At all levels of IT management from top to bottom leaders struggle to influence

people in their organizations You have probably experienced firsthand the frustration of not being able

to get through to your colleagues or wondered why your seat at the table seems to come with its own

sound-cancelling force field

Itrsquos puzzling since they hire us because wersquore the experts and yet we wonder why

They make decisions without consulting us

They donrsquot listen when they do consult us

We end up feeling confused frustrat-

ed and disrespected and we wonder

ldquowhatrsquos wrong with themrdquo Or worse

ldquowhatrsquos wrong with merdquo The pain of

disrespect is bad enough coupled

with the confusion of why itrsquos

happening and what to do about it is

almost debilitating

You are not alone in this experience

Every few years therersquos a new study

accompanied by a flurry of headlines

reminding us about IT leadersrsquo

persistent lack of influence Here are

a few samples generated by a recent

Gartner study

ldquoCIOs dismissed as techies without business savvy by CEOsrdquo Computerworld UK April 12

2012

ldquoWhy CIOs Are Last Among Equalsrdquo Sloan Management Review May 20 2012

ldquoMost CIOs on the board but have little business influence rdquo Computerworld UK July 20

2012

Whatrsquos been tried to fix this

As geek leaders we are not ones to leave a problem unsolved We have been diligently working on this

problem for a generation We have invested countless hours learning to ldquospeak the language of the

businessrdquo with the assumption that if we speak their language we will be heard and our influence

embraced Wersquove gotten MBAs and other advanced degrees hoping that the credentials will bolster our

stature as authorities which in turn will make people listen more We have devised ingenious metrics

to measure and prove our worth with the assumption that when people understand how important we

are to the mission of the organization they will listen

But year after year very little changes

The confusion of why itrsquos happening and what to do about it is almost debilitating












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than ourselves













winning seems evil





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well













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experience



























we lack influence



















































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winning seems evil





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feelings


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statements



September 1













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wrong










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winning seems evil





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September 1













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experience



























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experience



























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than ourselves













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where they are at




















You are on my side




























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Capture the facts





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thy
































































































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September 1













good about you












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inner universe













ble





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September 1













good about you












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September 1













good about you












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September 1













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Capture the facts





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oversee




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feelings


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important to them










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September 1













good about you












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indeed deathly slow












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Capture the facts





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these emotions

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negative present




















motivate you


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genuine and helpful




motivations

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statements



September 1













good about you












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desires















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Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












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Capture the facts





years

















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this story












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problem










oversee




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heard

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negative present




















motivate you


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statements



September 1













good about you












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desires















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Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












concept into story

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Capture the facts





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End with a moral


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problem










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negative present




















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statements



September 1













good about you












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I guess sure















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desires















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Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












concept into story

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Capture the facts





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problem










oversee




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motivate you


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important


no wants













genuine and helpful




motivations

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in the future















statements



September 1













good about you












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I guess sure















Why we resist






















desires















but meaningless















Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












concept into story

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Capture the facts





years

















End with a moral


this story












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problem










oversee




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Why it is important


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no wants













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motivations

Express commitment











in the future















statements



September 1













good about you












How about Chinese

I guess sure















Why we resist






















desires















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Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












concept into story

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Capture the facts





years

















End with a moral


this story












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problem










oversee




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About Leading Geeks












How about Chinese

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Mariarsquos career





requested were





indeed deathly slow












concept into story

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Capture the facts





years

















End with a moral


this story












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problem










oversee




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About Leading Geeks
















desires















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Mariarsquos career





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Capture the facts





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About Leading Geeks










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Capture the facts





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End with a moral


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oversee




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Capture the facts





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End with a moral


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oversee




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About Leading Geeks
















End with a moral


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oversee




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Sponsored by





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About Leading Geeks

a geek leader's guide to influencing business people

Business

geek leaders

leading geeks

geeks rarely

articulate

geek leaders

leading geeks

soft skills

finally ready