5 stages of a narrative

Narrative Writing Unit

The National Literacy Strategy

2

Year 6 Planning Exemplification 2002–2003:


Contents

Introduction 3

Framework objectives 6

Unit plan for weeks 1 and 2 7

Unit plan for week 3 8

Resource sheets1. Lesson notes for week 1, days 1 and 2 10

2. Narrative framework for writing 12

3. Examples of types of narrative writing 13

4. Checklists for effective narrative writing 14

5. OHT Mac’s short adventure 16

6. Annotations for analysis: Mac’s short adventure 21

7. Planning frame for Bloddon’s adventure 26

8. Demonstration-writing: Bloddon’s adventure 27

9a. OHT Child’s writing 32

9b. Annotated Child’s writing 33

9c. OHT Second child’s writing 34

9d. Annotated Second child’s writing 35

10a. OHT Birdman 36

10b. Annotated Birdman 37

11. Character web 38

12a. OHT Mrs Wentleberry 39

12b. Annotated Mrs Wentleberry 40

13a. OHT Warehouse setting 41

13b. Annotated Warehouse setting 42

14a. OHT Action opening 43

14b. Annotated Action opening 44

14c. OHT ending of Action story 45

14d. Demonstration-writing: middle of Action story 46

14e. Annotated middle of Action story 47


3



IntroductionPreparation for this unit

Prior to teaching this unit, it would be helpful for teachers to be familiar with the mark scheme for

the 2003 Key Stage 2 writing test. Changes to assessment 2003: sample material for Key Stages

1 and 2 has been sent to all schools as a booklet and is also on the QCA website with some

additional sample material www.qca.org.uk/ca/tests/2003sample.

The assessment focuses in the 2003 mark scheme are drawn together under strands: sentence

construction and punctuation, text structure and organisation, composition and effect. These

are the elements of writing covered by the word, sentence and text level objectives in the NLS

Framework for teaching.

Sentence construction and punctuation

• vary sentences for clarity, purpose and effect

• write with technical accuracy of syntax and punctuation in phrases, clauses and sentences

Text structure and organisation

• organise and present whole texts effectively, sequencing and structuring information, ideas

and events

• construct paragraphs and use cohesion within and between paragraphs

Composition and effect

• write imaginative, interesting and thoughtful texts

• produce texts which are appropriate to task, reader and purpose

The two word-level focuses are

• select appropriate and effective vocabulary

• use correct spelling

The vocabulary focus is assessed through all the three strands and the spelling focus is

assessed through a separate spelling test.

Changes to assessment 2003: guidance for teachers (KS2 English) has also been sent to all

schools. In order to understand the mark scheme, this booklet suggests

• comparing the 2002 sample materials with test papers from previous years

• using a script of a longer writing task in the sample materials on the website, cutting up the

annotated notes and matching them to the appropriate places in the script, e.g. the narrative

prompt A New World would be particularly helpful as preparation for this unit

• applying the strands from the mark scheme to the scripts

• giving the children a sample longer task using a prompt from the website, e.g. A New World,

and marking a selection of the stories with a colleague using the 2003 mark scheme.


4



The unit

In this narrative unit, the resources for analysing texts and for demonstrating writing have been

annotated under the three strand headings: sentence construction and punctuation, text

structure and organisation, composition and effect. The unit extends children’s understanding of

effective narrative writing by analysing and writing each of the five parts of a narrative text:

opening, build-up, dilemma, events and resolution/ending and supporting the children in writing

their own narrative. While analysing the text and participating in demonstration lessons the

children will learn how to construct sentences and paragraphs to achieve the effects needed to

interest the reader. In the plenary, the teacher will have the opportunity to respond to the

children’s writing with the three assessment strands in mind.

During the first two weeks of the unit, two days will be spent on each element of narrative

as shown:

The third week of the unit is an opportunity for children to write some aspects of narrative such

as setting and characterisation in more detail.

Resources

The resources for weeks 1 and 2 include lesson notes for the first two days of the unit, general

material on narrative structure, texts for analysis and texts to use to demonstrate writing. All the

texts are annotated to show the effective features of the texts. These are notes for the teacher to

use as support during the analysis of the text with the children and as points to bring out during

demonstration-writing. (There is an alternative set of materials in Year 6 Planning Exemplification 1

2001–2002 in the publications section on www.standards.dfes/literacy.)

Resources for week 3 of the unit include a number of shorter texts for analysis and

demonstration-writing as well as two pieces of writing by children for assessment purposes.

Day Teaching/learning Element of narrative

1 Read and analyse text opening

2 Apply this knowledge in demonstration and independent writing

3 Read and analyse text build-up


5 Read and analyse text dilemma


7 Read and analyse text events


9 Read and analyse text resolution and ending





5

Resource Purposesheets

1 Lesson notes for days 1 and 2

2 Narrative framework for writing. This shows the five typical stages in narrativewriting and could be enlarged as a poster.

3 Examples of types of narrative. This shows the variations within the fivenarrative stages.

4 Checklists for effective narrative writing. These are intended for teacherreference only. Children should extract the features of effective narrativewriting from the texts they analyse and compile their own classroom checklistwith the teacher. The teacher can refer to Resource sheet 4 to ensure that thechildren have found all the features.

5a–e OHTs of story in five parts: Mac’s short adventure

6a–e Mac’s short adventure in five parts, annotated to show the effective featuresof narrative writing under three strand headings: sentence construction andpunctuation, text structure and organisation, composition and effect. Somewords which might be difficult to spell are also identified.

7 Planning frame for Bloddon’s adventure

8a–e Story for demonstration-writing, Bloddon’s adventure, in five parts, annotatedwith the effective features which can be identified by the teacher as he/she iswriting the story with the children. Some words which might be difficult tospell are also identified.

9a–d Children’s writing for assessment

10a–b Writing a character

11 Writing a character

12a–b Writing a character

13a–b Writing a setting

14a–e Writing an action story

Word level workWord level teaching and learning is incorporated into the work on analysis of text (e.g. meaning

and spelling of connectives) and into shared, guided and independent writing. However, focused

spelling, like mental maths, needs concentrated daily attention so that writing words correctly

with a fluent hand is automatic and children’s cognitive capacity is released to attend to the

content and form of their writing. Ten minutes at the beginning of the literacy hour every day can

be spent on sharpening up children’s spelling knowledge.

The Booster Lessons for 2002–2003 contain a revision programme for spelling and can be

downloaded from www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/literacy from January 2003.


6



Framework objectivesWeeks 1 and 2Year 6 Term 1Text7. to plan quickly and effectively the plot, characters and structure of their own narrative writing;

Sentence1. to revise from Y5:

• re-expressing sentences in a different order;4. to investigate connecting words and phrases:

• collect examples from reading and thesauruses;• study how points are typically connected in different kinds of text;• classify useful examples for different kinds of text – for example, by position (besides, nearby, by);

sequence (firstly, secondly . . . ); logic (therefore, so, consequently);• identify connectives which have multiple purposes (e.g. on, under, besides);

5. to form complex sentences through, e.g.:• using different connecting devices;• reading back complex sentences for clarity of meaning, and adjusting as necessary;• evaluating which links work best;• exploring how meaning is affected by the sequence and structure of clauses;

Word1. to identify mis-spelt words in own writing; to keep individual lists (e.g. spelling logs); to learn to spell them;2. to use known spellings as a basis for spelling other words with similar patterns or related meanings;3. to use independent spelling strategies, including:

• building up spelling by syllabic parts, using known prefixes, suffixes and common letter strings;• applying knowledge of spelling rules and exceptions;• building words from other known words, and from awareness of the meaning or derivations of words;• using dictionaries and IT spell-checks;• using visual skills, e.g. recognising common letter strings and checking critical features (i.e. does it look

right, shape, length, etc.);4. revise and extend work on spelling patterns for unstressed vowels in polysyllabic words from Year 5 term 3;6. to investigate meanings and spellings of connectives: therefore, notwithstanding, furthermore, etc.; link to

sentence level work on connectives;

Week 3Year 6 Term 2Text10. to use different genres as models to write, e.g. short extracts, sequels, additional episodes, alternative

endings, using appropriate conventions, language;

Sentence13. to revise work on complex sentences:

• identifying main clauses;• ways of connecting clauses;• constructing complex sentences;• appropriate use of punctuation;

Word1. to identify mis-spelt words in own writing; to keep individual lists (e.g. spelling logs); to learn to spell them;2. to use known spellings as a basis for spelling other words with similar patterns or related meanings;3. to use independent spelling strategies, including:

• building up spelling by syllabic parts, using known prefixes, suffixes and common letter strings;• applying knowledge of spelling rules and exceptions;• building words from other known words, and from awareness of the meaning or derivations of words;• using dictionaries and IT spell-checks;• using visual skills, e.g. recognising common letter strings and checking critical features (i.e. does it look

right, shape, length, etc.);


7



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8



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3



Resources


10



Lesson notes for week 1, days 1 and 2Day 1Shared reading – analysis of opening

• Tell the children that they will be writing an adventure story over the next two weeks. Briefly

remind them of the five elements of a simple problem/resolution narrative – opening,

build-up, dilemma, events, resolution. It is a good idea to have these words prominently

displayed (Resource sheet 2). Tell them that you will be investigating examples of each

element, reading as writers, and then you will show them how to write each element before

they have a go themselves.

• Ask the children what types of opening they know (dialogue, setting, question, warning,

dramatic, etc.) and what they know about writing good openings to stories. List some of the

criteria they offer in a checklist, e.g. draw the reader into the story quickly, begin to build up

the main character, use an early hook to catch the reader’s interest. Explain that many

openings will combine several aspects.

• Put up an enlarged text of opening paragraph of a story, e.g. The Subtle Knife by Philip

Pullman (Scholastic, 1997), the second book in his fantasy adventure trilogy. Discuss what it

hints at, how it draws the reader in and how there are the elements of plot, character and

setting interwoven in the introductory paragraph. Add to the checklist if necessary.

• Repeat with the opening of Mac’s short adventure (Resource sheet 5a). Discuss this opening

(see Resource sheet 6a) and then review the criteria which ‘grab the reader’ (see Resource

sheet 4).

• Discuss how the characters are introduced and how the author portrays character, e.g.

through what they say and do, viewed through the eyes of an onlooker. Begin to create a list

of criteria for effective characterisation.

Independent work

Give the children more examples of openings to analyse in pairs. These could be taken from

guided reading books and this would provide some differentiation. Ask the children to categorise

the openings and be ready to explain the strategies the writer uses to show character.

Plenary

• Complete the list of criteria from any new points the children have decided from the

independent activity.

• Ask the children to discuss with their partners the type of openings they like best and the one

they would like to try.

• Show the children the planning frame for the quest story you will be beginning the following

day (Resource sheet 7). Explain how the basis for this sort of story is losing something, as in

Mac’s adventure, or deciding to go off and discover something. In this story the dwarfs need a

herb and someone has to go off into the wilds to find it. The plot aims towards an ending in

which the characters in the story find what they are looking for. So our job as writers is to get

the characters off on their journey, give them an interesting time and get them back again safe

and sound! To make it a good read, the reader needs to be able to visualise the characters

and the setting as the plot develops. In this story the dwarf takes his pet with him, loses the

map, is rescued and gets home with the herb.

• Ask them to think about their own idea for an adventure that involves two friends going to find

something and write down their ideas in a planning frame before tomorrow.

Resource sheet 1

Lesson notes for days 1 and 2

Resource sheet 1 (continued)

Lesson notes for days 1 and 2


11



Day 2Shared writing – demonstration

• Display the planning frame for the story, Bloddon’s adventure (Resource sheet 7). Tell the

children that you are going to write the beginning of the story for them today and complete it

over the next two weeks.

• Using the notes on Resource sheet 8a, demonstrate how to write the opening by introducing

the characters, establishing a setting and getting the plot moving quickly. Explain what you

are doing while you are doing it – or ask the children why they think you are doing it! Ask them

to look at the checklist to see which techniques you are using. (The Grammar for writing video

shows a Year 6 teacher doing this – time code 1:16:11.)

• Tell the children that they will be writing the opening of their own story in independent time.

Give them two or three minutes to show their partner, and talk about, their plans for an

adventure story that involves two friends going to find something.

Independent/guided work

• Ask the children to choose one of the sorts of openings they thought was particularly

effective and write one or two paragraphs to start the story off. They should establish the

characters by referring to the checklist. They must also remember to give an idea of the

setting and get the story moving as the examples showed. Ask one or two children to write

theirs on overhead transparency so that it can be shared with the class in the plenary session.

• Before the end of the session, allow the children to share their work with their response

partners and allow time for individual checking.

Plenary

Discuss the opening paragraphs written on the transparencies. Ask the children to identify the

features of effective writing. Identify appropriate use of connectives. It is important to deal with

positive aspects of the writing before suggestions are given for possible improvement.

Continuing the unit

Days 3 and 4 follow the same pattern. In shared writing on day 3, analyse the next part of

Mac’s short adventure (build-up). During independent time, ask the children to analyse the next

part of a story they started to analyse on day 1. On day 4, demonstrate the second part (the

build-up) of Bloddon’s adventure. In independent time, ask the children to continue writing the

second part of their own stories.

Continue in the same way through days 5/6, 7/8 and 9/10. Some sections of Bloddon’s

adventure might be too long to demonstration-write in front of the children so write up the first

part of the section in advance and discuss the features of this before continuing to demonstrate

the rest.


12



Resource sheet 2

OHT Narrative framework

Narrative framework for writing

Opening + setting or character

Build-up+ character or setting

Dilemma

Events

Resolution and ending


13



Resource sheet 3

Examples of types of narrative writing

Examples of types of narrative

OPENING

BUILD-UP

DILEMMA

EVENTS

RESOLUTION and ENDING

Task established – to find something.Begin establishingcharacters/setting

Introducescharacters/setting;story gets going

Warning not to do

something, e.g. do

not play by the canal. Begin establishingcharacters/setting

Establishessetting/characters.Characters start to do something – and get tempted, e.g. they make theirway to the canal

Do the thing theyhave been warnednot to do, e.g. play by the canal

Struggle to savethemselves from the anticipatedconsequence, e.g.one falls in

Succeed in gettingaway, surviving, e.g. friend drags theother one out

Final commentprobably from theperson who gaveinitial warning, e.g.Mum who finds themsoaking wet

Establishessetting/characters.Characters start to do something – all appears to begoing well

Suspense section –something starts to happen

Options: • they run, and

possibly getchased

• they investigate and get close

Options:• nothing after all• chasing/fighting off

something• finding something

unexpected

Final comment

Establishessetting/characters.Characters set offand overcomeobstacles en route

Options:• can’t find it• can’t get in• get trapped• get chased

Struggle andovercome eachproblem

Arrive back at start –

task accomplished.

Final comment

Quest Suspense Warning


14



Checklists for effective narrative writing1. Opening/setting scene or introducing characters

Some possible options for opening a story ‘to grab the reader’

• using dialogue, e.g. a warning given by one character to another

• asking the reader a question

• describing some strange behaviour of one of the characters

• using a dramatic exclamation (Help!) or dramatic event

• introducing something intriguing

Techniques for introducing characters

• using an interesting name

• limiting description on how the character feels, e.g. sad, lonely, angry or what they are,

e.g. bossy, shy

• relying on portraying character through action and dialogue

• using powerful verbs to show how a character feels and behaves, e.g. muttered, ambled

• giving the thoughts and reactions of other characters

• revealing the characters’ own thoughts and ideas

2. Build-up/creating setting

• making the characters do something

• using detail based on sense impressions – what can be seen, heard, smelt, touched

or tasted

• basing settings on known places plus some invented detail

• using real or invented names to bring places alive – to help to make the setting more real

and more believable

• creating atmosphere, e.g. what is hidden, what is dangerous, what looks unusual, what is

out of place

• using the weather, time of day and season as well as place

• lulling the reader into a false sense of security that all is well

3. Dilemma

• introducing a problem

• using ‘empty’ words, e.g. ‘someone’ to create suspense

• using short sentences to be dramatic

• strengthening nouns and verbs rather than adding adjectives and adverbs

• employing suspense words such as ‘suddenly’, ‘without warning’

• drawing the reader in by asking a question

• occasionally breaking the sentence rule by using a fragment to emphasise a point,

e.g. ‘Silence!’

• varying sentence openings by sometimes starting with an adverb, e.g. ‘Carefully’; a

prepositional phrase, e.g. ‘At the end of the street’; a subordinate clause, e.g. ‘Although

she was tired, Vanya . . . ’ or ‘Swinging his stick in the air, he . . . ’

• delaying the revealing of the ‘monster’ by shadows, sounds, etc.

• using ominous sounds, darkness or cold to build the tension

Resource sheet 4

Checklists for effective narrative writing


15



Resource sheet 4 (continued)

Checklists for effective narrative writing

4. Reaction/events

• building on many of the techniques already used in the earlier part of the story

• varying sentences structures by using longer sentence to get a rhythm going to

describe the increasing tension as events unfold

• using alliteration and short sentences to portray sounds within the action

• using metaphor and simile to help paint the scene and describe the feelings of

the characters

• introducing further possible complications, using connecting words and phrases

such as ‘unfortunately . . . ’ or ‘what he hadn’t noticed was . . . ’

5. Resolution and ending

Techniques for resolving the dilemma

• allowing help to arrive in an unexpected form, such as ‘It was at that moment that . . . ’

• making the character(s) do something unexpected

• showing that the problem/dilemma was only in the characters’ minds and not real

• allowing the character some extra effort to overcome the problem

• only resolving a part of the dilemma so the characters learn a lesson for the future

Some possible options for closing a story

• making a comment about the resolution

• using dialogue – a comment from one of the characters

• using a question

• making a mysterious remark

• telling the reader to remember or do something

• showing how a character has changed

• using one word or an exclamation

• avoiding clichés such as ‘The end’ or ‘They all lived happily ever after’ unless it is a

fabrication of a traditional story

• reflecting on events and perhaps providing a moral

• allowing the main character to think aloud

• introducing an element of mystery, e.g. ‘Vanya would never know how lucky she was

that . . . ’

• looking to the future

• revisiting where the story began


16


Narrative Writing Unit Opening

Mac’s Short Adventure

Winston watched rain pelt down the windowpanes in icy cold needles. He sighed.

“This is just typical! School holidays and it rains!”

His younger sister, Hannah, didn’t answer andcarried on rolling around the floor with Grandma’sdog, Mac, barking excitedly at her ankles.

A moment later, a key turned in the latch,the door opened and 16-year-old Sophie,headphones glued as usual to her ears, boundedupstairs shouting as she went, “Stay at the door,Trace, right.”

Mac certainly needed no second chance andwas out of the lounge and into the garden beforeHannah could get to her feet.

“You idiot, Sophe!” Winston yelled pointlesslyat the retreating figure. “We’re supposed to keephim in. He doesn’t know his way around this endof town.”

Resource sheet 5a

OHT for analysis


17


Narrative Writing Unit Build-up

Resource sheet 5b

OHT for analysis

Grabbing two coats, Hannah joined her brotheron the step, just in time to see the black and whitedog squeeze through an impossibly small gap in thehedge and start an easy amble up the road.

“No time to leave a note to Mum,” Winstondecided, taking charge. “Let’s get him. The lastthing Grandma needs to know when she’s inhospital is that we’ve lost her dog. Blasted thing!”he added under his breath. “Tell Sophe,” he ordered a surprised looking Tracey. “And tell her it’sall her fault!”

Splashing through puddles, the two childrenrushed towards Mac. That was probably the worstthing to do because he decided they had come out to play a game. Wagging his tail vigorously and sending sprays of water onto the legs of apasser-by, he raced off towards the park.

“We’ll get him,” Hannah said confidently. “He’sonly got little legs.”

“He’s doing all right on them, though,” Winstonpuffed, rounding the corner to see Mac turn downyet another street. “I just wish it would stop raining.My glasses are covered. I can’t see properly.”

Mac led his pursuers towards the gateway to thetown park and set off at once towards the duckpond. He’d not had so much fun for years.

Winston and Hannah were close behind butcannoned round the corner straight into a womanpushing a pram.

“Watch where you’re going,” she yelled, stumblingbut grabbing the handle.

“Sorry,” they mumbled. Hannah got up andexamined her cut knee. She looked as if she wasgoing to cry.

“I can’t see Mac any more,” Winston announcedwhen the woman had gone on her way. “I thoughtwe’d catch up with him by the ducks.”

A few minutes of racing along the sodden paths in the park, finally convinced the children that theyhad lost Mac. But they could not give up yet.Grandma. Winston was keen to keep trying. Hannahwanted to report him missing to the police. They bothwished their Mum was with them. While arguingabout the best course of action, they left the park and made their way up the High Street.

“We’re never going to find him by ourselves,”Hannah persisted. “I bet he’s frightened now, poorlittle thing.”

“I should hope he is!” Winston said, ratherunkindly. “Look at the trouble he’s put us to! Oh look,”he yelled. “A bus! Come on! Let’s go home and phone Mum.” Before Hannah could argue, he hadpulled his sister onto the bus and paid their fares.


18


Narrative Writing Unit Dilemma

Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis


19


Narrative Writing Unit Events

Resource sheet 5d

OHT for analysis

Later, Hannah did try to tell him that she hadsaid the bus was going the wrong way but by thenit was much too late. They both realised they weregoing east instead of west, miles away from theirown estate.

Hannah burst into tears. “I’m SO fed up,” shesobbed. “AND I’m cold. AND I’m scared becausewe’ll be in REAL trouble now. We’ve lost Mac!”Winston tried to cheer her up but he’d never beenvery good at that anyway! The bus turned a cornerinto a small estate of retirement bungalows.

“Oh look,” said Winston. “Grandma’s house.Oh –” and his voice trailed off as he gazed inamazement at a small, very wet and bedraggledblack and white dog sitting on the doorstep,waiting patiently.


20


Narrative Writing Unit Ending

The children tumbled off the bus at the nextstop and charged back up the road.

“Mac!” shrieked Hannah, “we found you! Youclever old thing. You came home.”

“I suppose he cut along by the old canal,”Winston said, “and that’s how he got here soquickly. Poor Mac. He must miss Grandma. Let’sget him home and dry him off.”

They didn’t have to wait long for another bus – this time going the right way – and were in thekitchen rubbing Mac dry when the phone rang. Itwas Grandma.

“They let me have the trolley phone by my bed,”she explained. “I just had to ring and see if poorold Mac is alright. I’m so worried about him.”

Winston and Hannah looked at each other.Winston shook his head. Hannah nodded.

“Oh you mustn’t worry, Grandma,” Hannah saidbrightly. “He’s had a lovely day. No trouble at all!”

Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 5e

OHT for analysis


21



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 6a

Annotations for analysis

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Op

enin

gTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Mac

’s S

ho

rt A

dve

ntu

re

Win

ston

wa

tche

d ra

in p

elt d

own

the

win

dow

pane

s in

icy

cold

nee

dles

.He

sigh

ed.

“Thi

s is

just

typi

cal!

Sch

ool h

olid

ays

and

it ra

ins!

”H

is y

oung

er s

iste

r,H

anna

h,di

dn’t

answ

er a

ndca

rrie

d on

rol

ling

arou

nd th

e flo

or w

ith G

rand

ma’

sdo

g,M

ac,b

arki

ng e

xcite

dly

at h

er a

nkle

s.A

mom

ent l

ate

r,a

key

turn

ed in

the

latc

h,th

e do

or o

pene

d an

d 16

-yea

r-ol

d S

ophi

e,he

adph

ones

glu

ed a

s us

ual t

o he

r ea

rs,b

ound

edup

stai

rs s

hout

ing

as s

he w

ent,

“Sta

y a

t the

doo

r,Tr

ace,

right

.”M

ac c

erta

inly

nee

ded

no s

econ

d ch

ance

and

was

out

of

the

loun

ge a

nd in

to th

e ga

rden

bef

ore

Han

nah

coul

d ge

t to

her

feet

.“Y

ou id

iot,

Sop

he!”

Win

ston

yel

led

poin

tless

lya

t the

ret

rea

ting

figur

e.“W

e’re

sup

pose

d to

kee

phi

m in

.He

does

n’t k

now

his

way

aro

und

this

end

ofto

wn.

”

Com

mas

sep

arat

ing

nam

es

Com

plex

sen

tenc

e co

ntai

ning

sho

rtph

rase

s an

d clau

ses

to in

dica

te S

ophi

e’ssp

eed

of m

ovem

ent.

Cla

use,

mar

ked

byco

mm

as,d

ropp

ed in

to s

ente

nce

to p

rovi

dequ

ick

pict

ure

of S

ophi

e

Sto

ry o

peni

ng:se

ttin

gS

uch

a bo

ring

set

ting

sug

gest

s th

atso

met

hing

mig

ht b

e go

ing

to h

appe

n

Voc

abul

ary

– v

erbs

and

adve

rbs

– (

shad

ed) cho

sen

to d

escr

ibe

acti

ons

prec

isely

Cha

ract

ers

quickl

y es

tabl

ishe

d:W

inst

on b

y hi

s wor

ds,a

nd t

he t

wo

girl

s by

the

ir a

ctio

ns

Phr

ase

conn

ecti

ng t

he t

wo

para

grap

hs

Plo

t ge

ts u

nder

way

.Dile

mm

ain

trod

uced

.Rea

son

for

prob

lem

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Col

loqu

ial s

peec

h to

por

tray

cha

ract

er o

fte

enag

er

in a

hur

ry c

omm

andi

ng a

clo

se fr

iend

and

to

indi

cate

the

rela

tions

hip

ofW

inst

on w

ith h

is s

iste

r.

Sp

ellin

gce

rtai

nly

– ‘c

’and

‘ai’

does

n’t–

con

trac

tion

of‘n

ot’

answ

er–

‘w’

exci

tedl

y–

‘x’a

nd ‘c

’


22



Gra

bbin

g tw

o co

ats

,Han

nah

join

ed h

er b

roth

eron

the

step

,jus

t in

time

to s

ee th

e bl

ack

and

whi

tedo

g sq

ueez

e th

roug

h an

impo

ssib

ly s

mal

l gap

in th

ehe

dge

and

star

t an

easy

am

ble

up th

e ro

ad.

“No

time

to le

ave

a no

te to

Mum

,”W

inst

onde

cide

d,ta

king

cha

rge.

“Let

’s g

et h

im.T

he la

stth

ing

Gra

ndm

a ne

eds

to k

now

whe

n sh

e’s

inho

spita

l is

tha

t we’

ve lo

st h

er d

og.B

last

ed th

ing!

”he

add

ed u

nder

his

bre

ath

.“Te

ll S

ophe

,”he

or

dere

d a

surp

rised

look

ing

Trac

ey.“

And

tell

her

it’s

all h

er fa

ult!”

Spl

ashi

ng th

roug

h pu

ddle

s,th

e tw

o ch

ildre

nru

shed

tow

ards

Mac

.Tha

t was

pro

babl

y th

e w

orst

thin

g to

do

beca

use

he d

ecid

ed th

ey h

ad c

ome

out t

o pl

ay a

gam

e.W

aggi

ng h

is ta

il vi

goro

usly

an

d se

ndin

g sp

rays

of

wa

ter

onto

the

legs

of

apa

sser

-by,

he ra

ced

off

tow

ards

the

park

.“W

e’ll

get h

im,”

Han

nah

said

con

fiden

tly.“

He’

son

ly g

ot li

ttle

legs

.”“H

e’s

doin

g al

l rig

ht o

n th

em,t

houg

h,”

Win

ston

puff

ed,r

ound

ing

the

corn

er to

see

Mac

turn

dow

nye

t ano

ther

str

eet.

“I ju

st w

ish

it w

ould

sto

p ra

inin

g.M

y gl

asse

s ar

e co

vere

d.I c

an’t

see

prop

erly

.”M

ac le

d hi

s pu

rsue

rs to

war

ds th

e ga

tew

ay to

the

tow

n pa

rk a

nd s

et o

ffa

t onc

e to

war

ds th

e du

ckpo

nd.H

e’d

not h

ad s

o m

uch

fun

for

year

s.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Bu

ild-u

p –

the

chas

e Te

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Sub

ordi

nate

cla

use

open

ing

sent

ence

,re

ducing

act

ion

to 3

suc

cinc

t wor

dsto

cre

ate

effe

ct o

f sp

eed.

Com

ma

betw

een

clau

ses

Sub

ordi

nate

cla

use

open

ing

sent

ence

for

em

phas

is.

Com

ma

betw

een

clau

ses

Use

of

subo

rdin

ate

clau

se t

o re

late

two

sim

ulta

neou

s ac

tion

s.Com

ma

betw

een

clau

ses

Voc

abul

ary

– v

erbs

and

adv

erbs

– (

shad

ed) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

The

plo

t ha

s m

oved

on

wit

hout

desc

ribi

ng e

very

sm

all i

ncid

ent

–re

ader

kno

ws

Win

ston

has

fol

lowed

the

dog

to t

he d

oor

Mor

e in

form

atio

n pr

ovid

ed t

oin

dica

te im

port

ance

of

the

dog

and

heig

hten

s te

nsio

n

Cha

ract

ers

deve

lope

d th

roug

hth

eir

spee

ch

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Rea

der’s

atte

ntio

n he

ld b

y th

e ch

ase.

Impl

icit,

rath

er th

an o

vert

,tim

e-co

nsum

ing

refe

renc

es,t

o re

min

d th

e re

ader

of

the

unpl

easa

nt w

eath

er.

Ove

rall

impr

essi

on o

fac

tion

built

up

thro

ugh

the

voca

bula

ry,e

.g.r

aced

,puf

fed,

purs

uers

,

vigo

rous

ly,w

aggi

ng

Sp

ellin

gw

orst

–‘w

’spe

cial

rela

tes

to w

ord,

wor

m,w

orld

,wor

k th

ough

– in

the

‘oug

h’fa

mily

grab

bing

and

wag

ging

– do

uble

the

cons

onan

t

afte

r a

shor

t vow

el

purs

ued

– ‘u

r’.N

ot to

be

conf

used

with

per

suad

evi

goro

usly

and

confi

dent

ly–

poly

sylla

bic

wor

ds

can

be s

egm

ente

d;‘o

r’no

t ‘ou

r’ev

en th

ough

vig

our

is s

pelle

d w

ith a

‘u’

Resource sheet 6b



23



Resource sheet 6c


Win

ston

and

Han

nah

wer

e cl

ose

behi

nd b

utca

nnon

ed r

ound

the

corn

er s

trai

ght i

nto

a w

oman

push

ing

a pr

am.

“Wa

tch

whe

re y

ou’re

goi

ng,”

she

yelle

d,st

umbl

ing

but g

rabb

ing

the

hand

le.

“Sor

ry,”

they

mum

bled

.Han

nah

got u

p an

dex

amin

ed h

er c

ut k

nee.

She

look

ed a

s if

she

was

goin

g to

cry

.“I

can

’t se

e M

ac a

ny m

ore,

”W

inst

on a

nnou

nced

whe

n th

e w

oman

had

gon

e on

her

way

.“I t

houg

htw

e’d

catc

h up

with

him

by

the

duck

s.”

A fe

w m

inut

es o

fra

cing

alo

ng th

e so

dden

pa

ths

in th

e pa

rk,fi

nally

con

vinc

ed th

e ch

ildre

n th

at t

hey

had

lost

Mac

.But

they

cou

ld n

ot g

ive

up y

et.

Gra

ndm

a.W

inst

on w

as k

een

to k

eep

tryi

ng.H

anna

hw

ante

d to

rep

ort h

im m

issi

ng to

the

polic

e.T

hey

both

wis

hed

thei

r M

um w

as w

ith th

em.W

hile

arg

uing

abou

t the

bes

t cou

rse

ofac

tion,

they

left

the

park

an

d m

ade

thei

r w

ay u

p th

e H

igh

Str

eet.

“We’

re n

ever

goi

ng to

find

him

by

ours

elve

s,”

Han

nah

pers

iste

d.“I

bet

he’

s fr

ight

ened

now

,poo

rlit

tle th

ing.

”“I

sho

uld

hope

he

is!”

Win

ston

sai

d,ra

ther

unki

ndly

.“Lo

ok a

t the

trou

ble

he’s

put

us

to! O

h lo

ok,”

he y

elle

d.“A

bus

! Com

e on

! Let

’s g

o ho

me

and

phon

e M

um.”

Bef

ore

Han

nah

coul

d ar

gue,

he h

adpu

lled

his

sist

er o

nto

the

bus

and

paid

thei

r fa

res.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Dile

mm

aTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Inte

rrup

ts s

ente

nces

wit

h a

sing

lewor

d –

gra

phical

ly e

mph

asis

esth

e di

lem

ma

Ser

ies

of s

hort

sen

tenc

es in

dica

tes

adi

alog

ue w

itho

ut u

sing

spe

ech

and

follo

win

g co

mpl

ex s

ente

nce

show

ssi

mul

tane

ous

acti

on –

spe

ech

and

chan

ge o

f se

ttin

g

Voc

abul

ary

– v

erbs

,adj

ecti

ves

and

adve

rbs

– (

shad

ed) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly Sen

tenc

e st

arts

wit

h a

subo

rdin

ate

clau

se f

or e

mph

asis

Heigh

teni

ng t

he d

ilem

ma

by cre

atin

gan

eve

nt w

hich

cau

ses

the

child

ren

tolo

se s

ight

of

the

dog

– p

ram

incide

nt

Cha

ract

ers

cont

inue

to

deve

lop

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Impl

icit,

rath

er th

an o

vert

,tim

e-co

nsum

ing

refe

renc

es,t

o re

min

d th

e re

ader

of

the

unpl

easa

nt w

eath

er.

Sp

ellin

ggr

abbe

dan

d sl

ippe

d –

doub

le th

e co

nson

ant

afte

r a

shor

t vow

el

wom

an–

‘wo’

befo

re th

e w

ord

man

stra

ight

– in

the

‘ight

’fam

ily.

argu

ing

– lo

ses

the

‘e’b

efor

e ad

ding

‘ing

’


24



Resource sheet 6d


Late

r,H

anna

h di

d tr

y to

tell

him

tha

t she

had

said

the

bus

was

goi

ng th

e w

rong

way

but

by

then

it w

as m

uch

too

late

.The

y bo

th r

ealis

ed th

ey w

ere

goin

g ea

st in

stea

d of

wes

t,m

iles

away

from

thei

row

n es

tate

.H

anna

h bu

rst i

nto

tear

s.“I

’m S

O fe

d up

,”sh

eso

bbed

.“A

ND

I’m

col

d.A

ND

I’m

sca

red

beca

use

we’

ll be

in R

EA

L tr

oubl

e no

w.W

e’ve

lost

Mac

!”W

inst

on tr

ied

to c

heer

her

up

but h

e’d

neve

r be

enve

ry g

ood

at t

hat a

nyw

ay! T

he b

us tu

rned

a c

orne

rin

to a

sm

all e

sta

te o

fre

tirem

ent b

unga

low

s.“O

h lo

ok,”

said

Win

ston

.“G

rand

ma’

s ho

use.

Oh

–”

and

his

voic

e tr

aile

d of

fas

he

gaze

d in

amaz

emen

t at a

sm

all,

very

wet

and

bed

ragg

led

blac

k an

d w

hite

dog

sitt

ing

on th

e do

orst

ep,

wai

ting

patie

ntly

.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Eve

nts

Text

str

uct

ure

an

d o

rgan

isat

ion

Use

of

com

ma

to s

epar

ate

phra

seco

ntai

ning

add

itio

nal i

nfor

mat

ion

Two-

item

list

of

acti

ons

of t

he d

ogse

para

ted

by a

com

ma

– ‘s

itti

ngon

the

doo

rste

p,wai

ting

pat

ient

ly’

Impl

ies

a co

nver

sati

on t

hat

was

not

wri

tten

dow

nD

ilem

ma

wor

sens

Fur

ther

cha

ract

er d

evelop

men

t

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Cap

itals

to e

mph

asis

e ho

w H

anna

h sp

eaks

thes

e w

ords

.

Sp

ellin

gto

o–

doub

le le

tter

as o

ppos

ed to

to a

nd tw

o

patie

ntly

– ‘ti

en’


25



Resource sheet 6e


The

chi

ldre

n tu

mbl

ed o

ffth

e bu

s a

t the

nex

tst

op a

nd c

harg

ed b

ack

up th

e ro

ad.

“Mac

!”sh

rieke

d H

anna

h,“w

e fo

und

you!

You

clev

er o

ld th

ing.

You

cam

e ho

me.

”“I

sup

pose

he

cut a

long

by

the

old

cana

l,”W

inst

on s

aid,

“and

tha

t’s h

ow h

e go

t her

e so

quic

kly.

Poo

r M

ac.H

e m

ust m

iss

Gra

ndm

a.Le

t’sge

t him

hom

e an

d dr

y hi

m o

ff.”

The

y di

dn’t

have

to w

ait l

ong

for

anot

her

bus

– th

is ti

me

goin

g th

e rig

ht w

ay –

and

wer

e in

the

kitc

hen

rubb

ing

Mac

dry

whe

n th

e ph

one

rang

.It

was

Gra

ndm

a.“T

hey

let m

e ha

ve th

e tr

olle

y ph

one

by m

y be

d,”

she

expl

aine

d.“I

just

had

to r

ing

and

see

ifpo

orol

d M

ac is

alri

ght.

I’m s

o w

orrie

d ab

out h

im.”

Win

ston

and

Han

nah

look

ed a

t eac

h ot

her.

Win

ston

sho

ok h

is h

ead.

Han

nah

nodd

ed.

“Oh

you

mus

tn’t

wor

ry,G

rand

ma,

”H

anna

h sa

idbr

ight

ly.“

He’

s ha

d a

love

ly d

ay.N

o tr

oubl

e a

t all!

”

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Res

olu

tio

n a

nd

en

din

gTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Voc

abul

ary

– v

erb

–(sh

aded

) cho

sen

to d

escr

ibe

acti

ons

prec

isely

Use

of

dash

es in

stea

d of

com

mas

for

em

phas

is

Sho

rt s

ente

nces

cre

atin

gef

fect

of

quick

decisi

on

Dile

mm

a re

solv

es w

hen

the

child

ren

colle

ct t

he d

og.T

he p

hone

call

at t

he e

nd r

einf

orce

s th

e re

lief

felt

by

the

child

ren

Cut

s ou

t de

tail

of r

etur

n ho

me

– n

o ne

ed t

o sp

in t

his

out

– fi

ndsa

tisf

ying

con

clus

ion

i.e.

phon

e ca

ll

Sp

ellin

gsh

rieke

d–

‘ie’

rubb

ing

and

nodd

ed–

doub

le th

e co

nson

ant

afte

r a

shor

t vow

el

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Ad

apta

tio

n

Sim

ple

plot

bui

lds

by e

ach

sect

ion

bein

g se

t up

by

the

prev

ious

one

– c

ause

and

eff

ect,

e.g.

it is

wet

and

slip

pery

and

they

can

’t se

e,so

they

bum

p in

to

som

eone

,hav

e to

apo

logi

se a

nd th

eref

ore

lose

the

dog.

Coi

ncid

ence

is a

trad

ition

al fe

atu

re o

f

narr

ativ

e.D

og h

as g

one

back

to it

s ow

n ho

use

– so

how

doe

s th

e au

thor

get

the

child

ren

ther

e to

find

it? –

they

jum

p on

the

wro

ng b

us.

Vie

wp

oin

t

Sim

ple

narr

ativ

e ap

proa

ch ta

ken

thro

ugh

narr

atio

n an

d di

alog

ue th

roug

h w

hich

cha

ract

er

deve

lopm

ent c

an b

e tr

aced

.

Sty

le

Eff

ects

cre

ate

d th

roug

h ch

oice

of

voca

bula

ry,

sent

ence

str

uctu

re a

nd v

aria

tion.

Planning frame for Bloddon’s adventure

OpeningBloddon (dwarf) offers to search for herb

Build-up Bloddon sets off with pet

DilemmaBloddon loses map (falls in water?)

EventsAn old man appears with a casket

Resolution and endingBloddon returns victorious with the herb


26



Resource sheet 7

Planing frame for Bloddon’s adventure


27



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 8a

Demonstration-writing

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Op

enin

gTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Ope

ning

sen

tenc

e –

dia

logu

e,st

raig

ht in

to t

he m

iddl

eof

the

act

ion

Sho

rt s

ente

nce

evok

es s

ense

of s

ilenc

e ac

ross

hal

l

Alt

houg

h no

t di

alog

ue,t

hese

sho

rtse

nten

ces

give

the

eff

ect

of lo

ts o

f ta

lkin

g

Voc

abul

ary

– n

ouns

and

adje

ctiv

es –

(sh

aded

) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

Sub

ordi

nate

cla

use

to a

dd p

ace

tose

nten

ce s

ugge

stin

g B

lodd

on’s

hast

y,im

petu

ous

beha

viou

r

Fan

tasy

set

ting

est

ablis

hed

Blo

ddon

’s cha

ract

er d

evelop

edth

roug

h ot

hers

’beh

avio

ur t

o hi

m a

ndth

en t

hrou

gh h

is o

wn

beha

viou

r

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

•O

peni

ng p

arag

raph

.Dia

logu

e us

ed to

info

rmre

ader

abo

ut th

e qu

est t

here

fore

lim

ited

info

rma

tion

give

n an

d st

ory

gets

off

to a

pac

y st

art;

•F

anta

sy a

dven

ture

rei

nfor

ced

in r

eade

r’s m

ind

byal

lusi

ons

to n

ames

in o

ther

fant

asy

stor

ies,

inve

nted

wor

ds a

nd fa

ntas

y su

bjec

ts,e

.g.

ench

ante

d fo

rest

s,po

tions

;•

Alte

rs a

wel

l kno

wn

sayi

ng b

y on

e in

vent

ed w

ord

to r

ela

te to

the

read

er b

ut m

aint

ain

the

fant

asy.

Sp

ellin

glis

ten

– ‘t’

,‘e’

laug

h,la

ught

er–

‘au’

daug

hter

– ‘a

u’

Blo

dd

on

’s A

dve

ntu

re

“Sto

p ta

lkin

g,an

d lis

ten!

”sh

oute

d Tr

emda

lf,sh

akin

g hi

s bo

ny fi

st a

t the

ass

embl

ed c

ompa

ny o

fdw

arfs

.The

re w

as s

ilenc

e.“I

t’s n

o us

e ar

guin

gam

ong

your

selv

es.W

e ha

ve to

get

tha

t mag

ic h

erb

som

ehow

.Ter

ebro

n ne

eds

it to

mak

e hi

s po

tions

.T

he s

ucce

ss o

fth

e w

hole

war

aga

inst

the

Orc

sde

pend

s on

it.”

No-

one

disa

gre

ed.B

ut w

ho s

houl

d go

? T

he w

ayw

as lo

ng a

nd h

ard

and

succ

ess

coul

d no

t be

guar

ante

ed.T

he h

erb

did

not a

lway

s flo

wer

.E

very

one

cont

inue

d to

tell

his

neig

hbou

r w

hy h

eco

uld

not p

ossi

bly

be s

pare

d fr

om h

is d

aily

wor

k.T

hen,

into

the

clam

our,

a sh

rill v

oice

sou

nded

.“I

’ll g

o! L

et m

e ge

t the

her

b!”

A la

ugh

fille

d th

e ca

ve,l

it by

a th

ousa

nd b

linki

ngfir

eflie

s.“W

hat!

Blo

ddon

! He

coul

dn’t

find

a pi

ece

ofro

fal i

n a

pape

r ba

g!”

Mor

e la

ught

er.T

he li

ttle

dwar

f’s fa

ce b

urne

d w

ith s

ham

e,bu

t he

felt

ange

rw

ellin

g up

insi

de to

o.H

e’d

show

them

– a

nd le

apin

gto

his

feet

he

jum

ped

forw

ard

and

gra

bbed

the

map

to th

e en

chan

ted

fore

st o

ut o

fa

surp

rised

Trem

dalf’

s ha

nds.


28



Tha

t had

bee

n ye

ster

day.

Now

,sw

eatin

g un

der

the

hea

t of

a pu

nish

ing

sun,

his

feet

alre

ady

sore

and

his

shou

lder

s ac

hing

from

his

ruc

ksac

k,B

lodd

on b

egan

to r

egre

t his

des

ire to

be

a he

ro.

“At l

east

you

cam

e w

ith m

e,”

he s

aid

to h

is p

etpo

ggle

,Dif,

lopi

ng h

appi

ly a

t his

sid

e.“W

e ca

n fin

dth

e he

rb to

geth

er.”

The

y pl

odde

d on

all

tha

t day

and

the

next

,clim

bing

mou

ntai

ns,c

ross

ing

valle

ysan

d pa

ssin

g th

roug

h sm

all h

amle

ts w

here

dw

arfs

swar

med

out

to g

reet

them

– n

ews

ofth

eir

ques

tha

ving

trav

elle

d ah

ead.

Gift

s of

food

and

win

ew

ere

pres

sed

into

Blo

ddon

’s h

ands

and

tha

tse

cond

nig

ht,h

e an

d hi

s fa

ithfu

l frie

nd s

lept

cont

ente

dly

unde

r a

star

ry s

ky!

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Bu

ild-u

pTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Voc

abul

ary

– a

djec

tive

s an

dve

rbs

– (

shad

ed) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

Com

plex

sen

tenc

e to

cov

er a

lot

ofti

me

and

acti

on q

uick

ly.T

his

keep

sth

e pa

ce o

f th

e st

ory

wit

hout

dwellin

g on

the

uni

mpo

rtan

t ev

ents

Pas

sive

voi

ce p

uts

emph

asis

on

the

gift

rat

her

than

the

giv

er

Bui

ld-up

– p

lot

mov

ed o

n qu

ickl

y,by

-pa

ssin

g pr

epar

atio

ns f

or t

he t

rip

Blo

ddon

’s cha

ract

er d

evelop

s

Inve

nted

wor

d re

info

rcin

g th

e fa

ntas

y

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Exc

lam

atio

n m

ark

appe

als

to th

e re

ader

to

visu

alis

e th

e sc

ene.

Sp

ellin

gac

he,a

chin

g–

‘e’

plod

ded

– do

uble

the

cons

onan

t afte

r a

shor

t

vow

el b

efor

e ‘e

d’

trav

elle

d–

doub

le a

n ‘l’

befo

re ‘e

d’

faith

ful–

onl

y on

e ‘l’

awfu

l,sp

itefu

l,pe

acef

ul.I

t

doub

les

whe

n ‘ly

’is

adde

d e.

g.fa

ithfu

lly

Resource sheet 8b



29



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 8c


It w

asn’

t lon

g be

fore

the

adve

ntur

ers

reac

hed

the

river

whi

ch m

arke

d th

e bo

unda

ry o

fth

e D

war

fla

nds

with

tha

t of

thei

r ne

ighb

ours

.Blo

ddon

con

sulte

d th

e m

ap.

“I th

ink

we

need

to c

ross

her

e,”

he to

ld D

if.B

ut D

ifw

asal

read

y in

the

wa

ter,

spla

shin

g hi

s th

ree

tails

with

gle

e an

dse

ndin

g m

ulti-

colo

ured

fish

into

sw

irls

of

conf

usio

n.“C

ome

back

,you

stu

pid

anim

al!”

shou

ted

Blo

ddon

,in

anno

yanc

e.R

each

ing

out,

he g

rabb

ed a

t the

col

lar

arou

ndth

e cr

eatu

re’s

nec

k bu

t mis

sed,

stub

bed

his

toe

and

slip

ped

amon

g th

e th

ick

reed

s a

t the

wa

ter’s

edg

e.“O

h,bo

ther

and

bla

st!”

he g

roan

ed.T

his

was

qui

te a

bad

curs

e fo

r a

wel

l bro

ught

up

little

dw

arf

so y

ou c

an s

eeho

w u

pset

he

was

! The

map

was

sod

den

and,

even

as

helif

ted

his

hand

out

of

the

wa

ter,

it be

gan

to d

isin

teg

rate

befo

re h

is e

yes.

Now

wha

t wer

e th

ey to

do?

“W

e’ll

neve

r fin

d th

e he

rb n

ow,”

he w

aile

d ou

t lou

d.D

iflo

oked

ala

rmed

and

nuz

zled

up,

tryi

ng to

com

fort

his

frie

nd.

But

Blo

ddon

was

too

upse

t to

take

any

not

ice.

“Wha

t a fo

ol I

was

!”he

con

tinue

d.“F

ancy

thin

king

I co

uld

do s

uch

anim

port

ant j

ob.”

By

now

he

had

pick

ed h

imse

lfup

and

wad

edca

refu

lly to

the

othe

r si

de w

ith D

iffo

llow

ing

forl

ornl

y,al

lth

ree

tails

trai

ling

in th

e w

ate

r.H

e w

as n

ow in

Arc

edia

.A

head

of

him

lay

a ne

twor

k of

path

s an

d B

lodd

on k

new

tha

t with

out t

he m

ap h

e w

ould

nev

er fi

nd h

is w

ay th

roug

hbe

caus

e th

ey c

hang

ed th

emse

lves

aro

und

freq

uent

ly to

conf

use

trav

elle

rs.

“Oh

both

er a

nd b

last

!”he

sai

d ag

ain

and

burs

t int

o a

full

flood

of

nois

y te

ars.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Dile

mm

aTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Sho

rt s

ente

nce

indi

cate

sim

port

ant

stag

e in

que

st

’But

’sig

nals

pos

sibl

e pr

oblem

Voc

abul

ary

(sh

aded

) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

Com

plex

sen

tenc

es u

sed

toex

plai

n

Con

nect

ive

mov

es s

tory

on

from

slee

ping

to

the

jour

ney

The

cha

ract

ers

of b

oth

trav

ellers

dev

elop

Per

petu

ates

fan

tasy

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Spe

aks

dire

ctly

to th

e re

ader

in th

e se

cond

per

son.

Ask

s a

ques

tion

ofth

e re

ader

.

Sp

ellin

ggr

abbe

d,dr

oppe

d,st

ubbe

d–

doub

le th

e co

nson

ant

afte

r a

shor

t vow

el b

efor

e ‘e

d’

alre

ady

– on

e ‘l’

e.g.

also

,alm

ost,

alto

geth

er

conf

usio

n–

‘sio

n’


30



He

crie

d un

til h

e ha

d no

mor

e te

ars

left

to c

ry a

ndsa

t on

the

smal

l hill

ock,

stub

by a

rms

wra

pped

arou

nd e

ven

stub

bier

legs

,sig

hing

dee

ply.

Sud

denl

y,he

was

aw

are

tha

t a s

hado

w h

ad b

lock

ed o

ut th

esu

n.Lo

okin

g up

he

saw

the

stra

nges

t old

man

.He

wor

e a

long

bla

ck c

loak

,dec

ora

ted

with

sta

rs th

at

mov

ed a

roun

d th

e m

ate

rial o

n th

eir

own

and

he h

eld

a ca

sket

of

gold

car

eful

ly in

fron

t of

him

.“A

hh,I

’ve

foun

d yo

u!”

said

a th

in,f

eebl

e vo

ice.

“We

hear

d yo

u w

ere

in tr

oubl

e.Lo

st th

e m

ap,d

idyo

u?”

Blo

ddon

sta

red

in a

ston

ishm

ent.

“Who

...

”he

bega

n.“W

ho a

m I?

”th

e ol

d m

an in

terr

upte

d br

ight

ly.

“You

r lu

cky

savi

our,

tha

t’s w

ho! T

rem

dalf

sent

an

owl

to le

t us

know

you

wer

e on

you

r w

ay.A

frai

d yo

u’d

get

into

diff

icul

ties

appa

rent

ly! L

ucky

I ca

me

alon

g.W

ene

ed y

ou to

suc

ceed

in y

our

war

aga

inst

the

Orc

s.”

His

face

clo

uded

ove

r.“T

hey’

ve d

one

som

e te

rrib

leth

ings

in th

ese

land

s.H

ere.

Take

this

.”T

he o

ld m

anha

nded

Blo

ddon

the

gold

en c

aske

t.G

inge

rly,

not

know

ing

wha

t to

expe

ct,t

he y

oung

dw

arf

open

ed it

.In

side

,lay

the

herb

,glo

win

g w

ith p

ower

and

mag

ic.

Blo

ddon

sm

iled

and

open

ed h

is m

outh

to s

peak

.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Eve

nts

Text

str

uct

ure

an

d o

rgan

isat

ion

Old

man

ann

ounc

ed in

sho

rtse

nten

ce a

nd d

escr

ibed

in com

plex

sen

tenc

e

Use

of

com

mas

to

sepa

rate

open

ing

adve

rb f

rom

subo

rdin

ate

clau

se a

nd m

ain

clau

se.(

Cou

ld p

lay

arou

ndwit

h or

der

of t

he p

arts

her

e to

com

pare

eff

ecti

vene

ss e

.g.

sugg

est

The

you

ng d

war

fop

ened

it g

inge

rly

not

know

ing

wha

t to

exp

ect.

And

the

n m

ove

it a

roun

d to

get

bes

t ef

fect

.)

Voc

abul

ary

(sh

aded

) cho

sen

tode

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

Lin

k to

pre

viou

s pa

ragr

aph

Per

petu

ates

the

fan

tasy

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Pic

ks u

p id

eas

from

oth

er fa

ntas

ies

with

whi

ch th

e

read

er m

ay b

e fa

mili

ar.

Sp

ellin

gm

ater

ial–

‘al’

diffi

culti

es–

plur

al ‘y

’,‘ie

s’

succ

eed

– ‘c

’‘ee

’

Resource sheet 8d



31



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 8e


“No

time,

boy,

no ti

me,

you

need

to g

et

hom

e.”

His

wan

d sw

ishe

d ar

ound

the

spot

,sp

arks

flew

and

col

ours

inte

rtw

ined

,enc

irclin

gB

lodd

on a

nd m

akin

g hi

m fe

el v

ery

dizz

y.W

hen

itse

ttled

dow

n –

he w

as h

ome!

Bac

k in

the

cave

!T

he a

ssem

bled

dw

arfs

che

ered

whe

n th

eysa

w h

im –

and

che

ered

eve

n ha

rder

whe

n th

eyre

alis

ed th

at h

e’d

been

suc

cess

ful.

The

her

b w

asse

nt o

ffto

Ter

ebro

n an

d B

lodd

on –

wel

l he

didn

’tac

tual

ly te

ll an

yone

tha

t he’

d ha

d a

bit o

fhe

lpw

ith h

is q

uest

.He

rath

er e

njoy

ed b

eing

a h

ero

for

a ch

ange

!

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Res

olu

tio

n a

nd

en

din

gTe

xt s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

org

anis

atio

n

Man

ner

of s

peec

h cr

eate

spa

ce a

nd s

ense

of

urge

ncy

Voc

abul

ary

– v

erbs

– (

shad

ed)

chos

en t

o de

scri

be a

ctio

ns p

recise

ly

Tru

ncat

ed s

ente

nce

– ‘H

ewas

’is

impl

ied:

crea

tes

sens

e of

relief

Rep

etit

ion

to b

uild

up celeb

rato

ry e

ffec

t –

evo

cati

ve o

f ‘t

hree

chee

rs f

or..

.’

End

ing

does

n’t

cont

ain

unne

cess

ary

expl

anat

ory

dial

ogue

to

hold

up

the

pace

Lin

k ba

ck t

o ea

rlier

com

men

tab

out

regr

ets

abou

t go

ing

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Ad

apta

tio

n

•In

ord

er to

writ

e a

shor

t sto

ry,e

cono

mie

s ar

e

mad

e by

unf

oldi

ng th

e pl

ot a

nd d

evel

opin

g th

e

char

acte

rs th

roug

h bo

th th

e na

rra

tion

and

the

dial

ogue

.The

rea

der

is e

xpec

ted

to in

fer

actio

n

and

char

acte

r fr

om b

oth,

incl

udin

g th

e pa

ssin

g

and

cond

ensi

ng o

ftim

e,in

dica

ted

by

conn

ectin

g ph

rase

s su

ch a

s T

hat h

ad b

een

yest

erda

y,an

d su

mm

ary

narr

ativ

e,e.

g.T

hey

plod

ded

on a

ll th

at d

ay a

nd th

e ne

xt.

•A

t one

poi

nt th

e au

thor

app

eals

dire

ctly

to

the

read

er.

Sp

ellin

gco

lour

– ‘o

ur’

succ

essf

ul–

rela

te to

suc

ceed

.

only

one

‘l’a

wfu

l,fa

ithfu

l,

peac

eful

.It d

oubl

es w

hen

‘ly’

is a

dded

e.g

.suc

cess

fully

Vie

wp

oin

t

•A

utho

r de

velo

ps th

e ch

arac

ters

thro

ugh

thei

r

actio

n,re

actio

n an

d di

alog

ue b

ut a

lso

thro

ugh

the

narr

ato

r de

scrib

ing

wha

t the

cha

ract

er th

ink,

e.g.

He

rath

er e

njoy

ed b

eing

a h

ero

for a

cha

nge

Sty

le

•A

llusi

on to

oth

er te

xts

thro

ugh

tran

sfor

ma

tion

of

som

e na

mes

,e.g

.Tre

mda

lf

•U

se o

ftr

aditi

onal

dev

ices

and

con

tent

of

ques

t

stor

ies,

e.g.

brav

ado,

acci

dent

s,ho

stile

coun

trys

ide,

potio

ns,b

lack

clo

aks,

crea

ture

s w

ith

mul

tiple

tails

.


32



Resource sheet 9a

OHT Child’s writing

This has been the most incredible day of mylife. As I was doing my homework I heardthis strange noise so I rushed straight tothe window and I couldn’t believe what Ihad seen. It was shining like mad in my eyes. I could hardly see it. The strangething was shaped like an oval. I was tryingto turn my head but my eyes were glued onto the spaceship. The glowing bright lightsmade me put my arms over my head it wasalso making an ear piercing sound as it washeading towards my garden the sound wasgetting louder as it came nearer and nearer.


33



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 9b

Annotated Child’s writing

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

This

has

bee

n th

e m

ost

incr

edib

le d

ay o

f m

ylif

e. A

s I

was

doin

g m

y ho

mew

ork

I he

ard

this

str

ange

noi

se s

o I

rush

ed s

trai

ght

toth

e wi

ndow

and

I c

ould

n’t

belie

ve w

hat

Iha

d se

en. I

t wa

s sh

inin

g lik

e m

ad in

my

eyes

. I c

ould

har

dly

see

it. T

he s

tran

geth

ing

was

shap

ed li

ke a

n ov

al. I

was

try

ing

to t

urn

my

head

but

my

eyes

wer

e gl

ued

onto

the

spa

cesh

ip. T

he g

lowi

ng b

righ

t lig

hts

mad

e m

e pu

t m

y ar

ms

over

my

head

it w

asal

so m

akin

g an

ear

pie

rcin

g so

und

as it

was

head

ing

towa

rds

my

gard

en t

he s

ound

was

gett

ing

loud

er a

s it

cam

e ne

arer

and

nea

rer.

Con

nect

ive

phra

se b

ut s

houl

d be

aco

mm

a af

ter

‘hom

ewor

k’

Var

iety

of

sent

ence

leng

th

Pow

erfu

l ver

b co

nvey

s se

nse

ofbe

ing

over

power

ed

Ful

l sto

p ne

eded

her

e

Nee

ds f

ull s

top

or

conn

ecti

ve h

ere

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Ope

ning

sen

tenc

e cr

eate

s se

nse

ofex

pect

atio

n.

Mun

dane

,saf

e ac

tivity

inte

rrup

ted

by fr

ight

enin

g

atta

ck o

n th

e se

nses

.End

s on

a th

rea

teni

ng n

ote

to e

ngag

e re

ader

.

Wha

t ‘it’

is –

not

yet

reve

aled

to

read

er


34



I had an electrifying experience earliertoday when I saw a spaceship, an alienspaceship can you believe it. It landed justoutside Mr Jackson’s farm. Me and my dadwent up there for some eggs and there itwas – a spaceship!! Mr Jackson didn’t see itbecause he was out but when he got back hefainted. It looked as if it had been damaged my dad said because he’s anengineer, but this is different it’s an alienspaceship. The police came to the scene and cleared it up. They thought it was partof a plane crash but me and my dad knewbetter. When we got home I told my mumbut she got the better of us and convincedmy dad he was seeing things but I knew mytheory was the truth.

Resource sheet 9c

OHT Second child’s writing


35



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 9d

Annotated Second child’s writing

I ha

d an

ele

ctri

fyin

g ex

peri

ence

ear

lier

toda

y wh

en I

saw

a s

pace

ship

, an

alie

nsp

aces

hip

can

you

belie

ve it

. It

land

ed ju

stou

tsid

e M

r Ja

ckso

n’s

farm

. Me

and

my

dad

went

up

ther

e fo

r so

me

eggs

and

the

re it

was

– a s

pac

esh

ip!!

Mr

Jack

son

didn

’t se

e it

beca

use

he w

as o

ut b

ut w

hen

he g

ot b

ack

hefa

inte

d. I

t lo

oked

as

if it

had

bee

n da

mag

ed m

y da

d sa

id b

ecau

se h

e’s

anen

gine

er, b

ut t

his

is d

iffe

rent

it’s

an a

lien

spac

eshi

p. T

he p

olic

e ca

me

to t

he s

cene

an

d cl

eare

d it

up.

The

y th

ough

t it

was

par

tof

a p

lane

cra

sh b

ut m

e an

d m

y da

d kn

ewbe

tter

. Whe

n we

got

hom

e I

told

my

mum

but

she

got

the

bett

er o

f us

and

con

vinc

edm

y da

d he

was

see

ing

thin

gs b

ut I

kne

w m

yth

eory

was

the

tru

th.

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Com

plex

sen

tenc

e.Con

nect

ive

phra

se‘w

hen

I’=

econ

omical

wri

ting

Eff

ecti

ve a

djec

tive

Rep

eat

of ‘s

pace

ship

’for

em

phas

isan

d to

cre

ate

excite

men

t

My

dad

and

I

Use

of

conn

ecti

ve p

hras

e

Mig

ht b

e m

ore

effe

ctiv

e if it

was

ase

para

te s

ente

nce

addr

essi

ng r

eade

r(wit

h a

ques

tion

mar

k)

Ten

se con

fusi

on –

pro

babl

y ca

used

by

elem

ent

of d

ialo

gue

(un

derl

ined

) n

otde

velo

ped

or in

spe

ech

mar

ks

Thi

s co

uld

be d

iffe

rent

par

agra

ph

Cou

ld h

ave

a fu

ll st

op t

o cr

eate

fina

l sen

tenc

e fo

r im

pact

Var

iety

of

punc

tuat

ion

used

for

eff

ect

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Add

ress

es r

eade

r di

rect

ly to

eng

age

them

.Lac

kof

desc

riptio

n of

spac

eshi

p,or

exp

lana

tion

ofho

wth

ey a

lone

kne

w w

hat i

t was

,wea

kens

pur

pose

of

desc

ribin

g an

inci

dent

suc

cinc

tly.A

num

ber

ofid

eas

here

whi

ch c

ould

hav

e be

en d

evel

oped

,e.g

.th

e da

mag

e.


36



From Why the Whales Came by Michael Morpurgo (Egmont Publishers), pages 4 and 5.

The little I saw of the Birdman was enough toconvince me that all the stories we heard about himmust be true. He was more like an owl, a flittingcreature of the dark, the dawn and the dusk. Hewould be seen outside only rarely in the daylight,perhaps out in his rowing boat around the island orsitting high on his cart; and even in the hottestsummers he would always wear a black cape overhis shoulders and a pointed sou’wester on hishead. From a distance you could hear him talkingloudly to himself in a strange, unearthly monotone.Maybe it was not to himself that he talked but to thekittiwake that sat always on his shoulder or to theblack jack donkey that pulled his cart wherever hewent, or maybe it was to the great woolly dog withthe greying muzzle that loped along beside him.The Birdman went everywhere barefoot, even inwinter, a stooped black figure that lurched as hewalked, one step always shorter than the other. Andwherever he went he would be surrounded by aflock of screaming seagulls that circled and floatedabove him, tirelessly vigilant, almost as if they wereprotecting him. He rarely spoke to anyone, indeedhe scarcely even looked at anyone.

Resource sheet 10a

OHT Birdman

© Michael Morpurgo 1985


37



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 10b

Annotated Birdman

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

g

The

littl

e I s

aw o

fth

e B

irdm

an w

as e

noug

h to

conv

ince

me

tha

t all

the

stor

ies

we

hear

d ab

out h

imm

ust b

e tr

ue.H

e w

as m

ore

like

an o

wl,

a fli

tting

crea

ture

of

the

dark

,the

daw

n an

d th

e du

sk.H

ew

ould

be

seen

out

side

onl

y ra

rely

in th

e da

ylig

ht,

perh

aps

out i

n hi

s ro

win

g bo

at a

roun

d th

e is

land

or

sitti

ng h

igh

on h

is c

art;

and

even

in th

e ho

ttest

sum

mer

s he

wou

ld a

lway

s w

ear

a bl

ack

cape

ove

rhi

s sh

ould

ers

and

a po

inte

d so

u’w

este

r on

his

head

.Fro

m a

dis

tanc

e yo

u co

uld

hear

him

talk

ing

loud

ly to

him

self

in a

str

ange

,une

arth

ly m

onot

one.

May

be it

was

not

to h

imse

lfth

at h

e ta

lked

but

to th

eki

ttiw

ake

tha

t sa

t alw

ays

on h

is s

houl

der

or to

the

blac

k ja

ck d

onke

y th

at p

ulle

d hi

s ca

rt w

here

ver

hew

ent,

or m

aybe

it w

as to

the

gre

at w

oolly

dog

with

the

gre

ying

muz

zle

tha

t lop

ed a

long

bes

ide

him

.T

he B

irdm

an w

ent e

very

whe

re b

aref

oot,

even

inw

inte

r,a

stoo

ped

blac

k fig

ure

tha

t lur

ched

as

hew

alke

d,on

e st

ep a

lway

s sh

orte

r th

an th

e ot

her.

And

whe

reve

r he

wen

t he

wou

ld b

e su

rrou

nded

by

aflo

ck o

fsc

ream

ing

seag

ulls

tha

t circ

led

and

floa

ted

abov

e hi

m,t

irele

ssly

vig

ilant

,alm

ost a

s if

they

wer

epr

otec

ting

him

.He

rare

ly s

poke

to a

nyon

e,in

deed

he s

carc

ely

even

look

ed a

t any

one.

Sim

ile,a

mpl

ified

by

adje

ctiv

alph

rase

mar

ked

off

by com

ma

Com

ma

sepa

rati

ng o

ff cla

use

Sem

icol

on t

o se

para

te t

wo

rela

ted

mai

n clau

ses

Con

nect

ive

phra

se

Com

ma

betw

een

adje

ctiv

essl

ows

pace

of

sent

ence

Adj

ecti

val p

hras

e –

ec

onom

ical

wri

ting

Adv

erbi

al p

hras

e –

ec

onom

ical

wri

ting

Cha

ract

er fi

rst

hear

d ab

out,

then

seen

far

away

,the

n he

ard,

then

seen

slig

htly

clo

ser.

Reinf

orce

sid

ea o

f hi

s re

mot

enes

s

Sin

gle

para

grap

h bu

ilds

upcu

mul

ativ

e ef

fect

of

desc

ript

ion

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Com

paris

ons

and

asso

cia

tions

with

ani

mal

s cr

eate

a di

stin

ctiv

e pi

ctur

e.

Alli

tera

tion

(dar

k,da

wn,

dusk

) an

d re

petit

ion

(may

be .

..m

aybe

) gi

ve a

poe

tic fe

el.I

nver

sion

of

usua

l sen

tenc

e co

nstr

uctio

n (‘i

t was

not

to h

imse

lf’)

adds

to li

tera

ry e

ffec

t.

Use

of ‘a

nd’t

o be

gin

sent

ence

sugg

ests

som

ethi

ng s

tran

ge o

run

usua

l will

be

reve

aled


38



Resource sheet 11

Character web

Character web: choose 3, 4 or 5 aspects to workon to create your own character

How they move.Particular

or unusualclothing?

Distinctivefacialfeature?

Clues to theirfeelings intheir speechor actions?

How they talk.

What they do(or don’t do).

Name – ordinary,or unusual orsuggestive ofsomething?

Comparison withsomething (simile)or reminds authorof something.

Character


39



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 12a

OHT Mrs Wentleberry

Mrs Wentleberry is one of the mostmemorable people that I have ever met.Every year we used to go round to herhouse for one of her ‘special’ teas – thunderand lightning, she called it. The thunder wasa large dollop of cream and the lightningwas a twist of golden syrup. This mixturewas piled onto a homemade scone. My fourbrothers and I sat in silence, eyes agog,already almost tasting the sweet, thickmixture in our mouths.

She was a large lady. Her round, red facehad puffy cheeks. She used too muchmake-up which made her lips look ratherstartling, bright as a guard’s uniform that Ihad seen at Buckingham Palace. Her hairwas piled up and held in place by a small,thin net. She always wore large dresseswith bright floral patterns that floppedaround her. It was like watching a largecurtain moving about. I tried not to stare.


40



Resource sheet 12b

Annotated Mrs Wentleberry

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Mrs

Wen

tlebe

rry

is o

ne o

fth

e m

ost m

emor

able

peo

ple

tha

t I h

ave

ever

met

.Eve

ry y

ear

we

used

to g

o ro

und

tohe

r ho

use

for

one

ofhe

r ‘s

peci

al’t

eas

– th

unde

r an

dlig

htni

ng,s

he c

alle

d it.

The

thun

der

was

a la

rge

dollo

p of

crea

m a

nd th

e lig

htni

ng w

as a

twis

t of

gold

en s

yrup

.Thi

sm

ixtu

re w

as p

iled

onto

a h

omem

ade

scon

e.M

y fo

urbr

othe

rs a

nd I

sat i

n si

lenc

e,ey

es a

gog,

alre

ady

alm

ost

tast

ing

the

swee

t,th

ick

mix

ture

in o

ur m

outh

s.

She

was

a la

rge

lady

.Her

rou

nd,r

ed fa

ce h

ad p

uffy

chee

ks.S

he u

sed

too

muc

h m

ake-

up w

hich

mad

e he

rlip

s lo

ok ra

ther

sta

rtlin

g,br

ight

as

a gu

ard’

s un

iform

tha

t Iha

d se

en a

t Buc

king

ham

Pal

ace.

Her

hai

r w

as p

iled

upan

d he

ld in

pla

ce b

y a

smal

l,th

in n

et.S

he a

lway

s w

ore

larg

e dr

esse

s w

ith b

right

flor

al p

atte

rns

tha

t flo

pped

arou

nd h

er.I

t was

like

wa

tchi

ng a

larg

e cu

rtai

n m

ovin

gab

out.

I trie

d no

t to

star

e.

For

such

a la

rge

lady

,she

had

a v

ery

smal

l voi

ce.“

Who

’sfo

r th

unde

r?”

she

trill

ed.M

y br

othe

rs a

nd I

wer

e fa

mou

sfo

r gi

gglin

g bu

t on

thes

e oc

casi

ons

we

had

swor

n a

pact

ofto

tal s

ilenc

e.N

o-on

e da

red

look

at a

nyon

e el

se in

case

a s

nigg

er b

egan

to s

prea

d.W

e kn

ew w

hat i

t wou

ldm

ean

– no

tea!

She

wou

ld p

ass

out t

he p

late

s,pi

le h

igh

the

crea

m a

ndsy

rup,

pour

tea.

She

had

a th

in g

old

ring

on h

er le

ft ha

nd.

But

no

husb

and.

I thi

nk h

avin

g us

to te

a w

as h

er tr

eat a

sm

uch

as o

urs.

Con

nect

ive

phra

se t

unes

rea

der

in

Pun

ctua

tion

use

d fo

r sp

ecifi

c ef

fect

Com

poun

d se

nten

ce t

oelab

orat

e on

pre

viou

s ph

rase

Adj

ecti

val p

hras

e dr

oppe

d in

Sim

ple

sent

ence

for

eff

ect

Spe

cific ad

ject

ive

Sim

iles

to h

elp

read

er v

isua

lise

Spe

cific ve

rb t

o he

lp v

isua

lise

Con

tras

ting

adj

ecti

ves

Ver

b su

gges

ts b

ird

Pun

ctua

tion

for

eff

ect

Sho

rt s

ente

nce

star

ting

wit

hco

njun

ctio

n fo

r em

phas

is

Eac

h pa

ragr

aph

star

ts w

ith

the

char

acte

r,an

d op

enin

g wor

ds o

fm

iddl

e tw

o pa

ragr

aphs

foc

us o

nhe

r si

ze

for

emph

asis

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Intr

oduc

tory

sen

tenc

e se

ts u

p ex

pect

atio

n,w

hich

is d

elay

ed u

ntil

next

par

agra

ph.D

escr

iptio

ns

incl

ude

her

appe

aran

ce,v

oice

and

man

ner,

and

the

effe

ct s

he h

ad o

n th

e au

thor

.Refl

ectiv

e

com

men

t at e

nd li

nks

back

to b

egin

ning

.

Demonstration-writeRead

Sto

ry o

pen

ing

:ch

arac

ter


41



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 13a

OHT Warehouse setting

The wind whipped the snowacross the roads. Already youcould barely see anything in front of you. It was too cold tobe out. The snowstormblindfolded the town, mufflingthe world in white silence.

At first, it was quite dark insidethe warehouse. Years of dusthad covered the windows with a thin layer and only a faint lightfiltered through. Each footstepechoed, leaving behind a trail offootprints through the dust.Boxes of different sizes werepiled high, like strange towers.Cobwebs hung between theboxes like lace nets.


42



Resource sheet 13b

Annotated Warehouse setting

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

The

win

d w

hipp

ed th

e sn

ow a

cros

s th

e ro

ads.

Alre

ady

you

coul

d ba

rely

see

any

thin

g in

fr

ont o

fyo

u.It

was

too

cold

to b

e ou

t.T

hesn

owst

orm

blin

dfol

ded

the

tow

n,m

uffli

ng th

ew

orld

in w

hite

sile

nce.

At f

irst,

it w

as q

uite

dar

k in

side

the

war

ehou

se.

Year

s of

dust

had

cov

ered

the

win

dow

s w

ith a

thin

laye

r an

d on

ly a

fain

t lig

ht fi

ltere

d th

roug

h.E

ach

foot

step

ech

oed,

leav

ing

behi

nd a

trai

l of

foot

prin

ts th

roug

h th

e du

st.B

oxes

of

diff

eren

tsi

zes

wer

e pi

led

high

,lik

e st

rang

e to

wer

s.C

obw

ebs

hung

bet

wee

n th

e bo

xes

like

lace

nets

.An

aban

done

d la

dder

lay

at a

n aw

kwar

dan

gle

acro

ss w

hat l

ooke

d lik

e an

old

tele

visi

onse

t.Its

wire

s sp

illed

out

.Mar

riott

stoo

d st

ill fo

ra

mom

ent a

nd le

t his

bre

ath

ing

settl

e.

It w

as th

en th

at h

e he

ard

it.T

he fa

inte

st o

fso

unds

– a

floo

rboa

rd c

reak

ed.T

hen,

anot

her.

He

stoo

d qu

ite s

till,

his

sens

es a

lert

,str

aini

ngto

list

en.F

or a

long

whi

le th

ere

was

qui

te q

uiet

– on

ly th

e di

stan

t mur

mur

ings

of

the

win

ddr

iftin

g sn

ow.T

hen

som

ebod

y co

ughe

d..

.

Per

soni

fica

tion

sug

gest

s ca

ptur

e,im

pris

onm

ent

Spe

cific ve

rb

Alli

tera

tion

for

eff

ect

Com

plex

sen

tenc

e,em

phas

isin

gso

und

and

sigh

t

Ope

ning

sen

tenc

es w

ith

noun

sgi

ves

effe

ct o

f re

ader

’s e

yes

trav

ellin

g th

e ro

om

Alli

tera

tive

sen

tenc

e –

impl

ies

he’s

bee

n ru

nnin

gA

dds

to s

ense

of

mys

tery

Tru

ncat

ed s

ente

nce

for

susp

ense

Cla

use

drop

ped

in t

osu

mm

aris

e hi

s fe

elin

gs

Elli

psis

for

sus

pens

e

Ope

ning

par

agra

ph:wea

ther

outs

ide

to e

stab

lish

tone

of

piec

e an

d ef

fect

on

sens

es

2nd

par

agra

ph m

oves

insi

deto

des

crib

e m

ain

sett

ing

3rd

par

agra

ph s

ets

up t

heac

tion

in t

he s

etti

ng

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Em

phas

is th

roug

hout

on

wha

t can

(an

d ca

n’t)

be

seen

and

hea

rd.I

ntro

duct

ion

ofch

arac

ter

and

why

he’s

ther

e de

laye

d to

bui

ld s

uspe

nse.

Sto

ry o

pen

ing

:set

tin

g


43



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 14a

OHT Action opening

Without hesitating, Jude ran.

Almost immediately, she could

hear the sound of someone

shouting and then the barking of

the dog. Her feet pounded on

the pavement, her heart

thudded. She felt sick. They

would be after her by now. In

her mind’s eye, she could see

the dog, straining on the leash

ready to leap, its powerful body

tugging forwards. Desperately,

she ran on, fear driving her.


44



Resource sheet 14b

Annotated Action story

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

With

out h

esita

ting,

Jude

ran.

Alm

ost i

mm

edia

tely

,she

cou

ldhe

ar th

e so

und

ofso

meo

nesh

outin

g an

d th

en th

e ba

rkin

g of

the

dog.

Her

feet

pou

nded

on

the

pave

men

t,he

r he

art

thud

ded.

She

felt

sick

.The

y w

ould

be

afte

r he

r by

now

.In

her

min

d’s

eye,

she

coul

d se

e th

e do

g,st

rain

ing

on th

e le

ash

read

y to

leap

,its

pow

erfu

l bod

ytu

ggin

g fo

rwar

ds.D

espe

rate

ly,

she

ran

on,f

ear

driv

ing

her.

At t

he e

nd o

fth

e al

ley,

Jude

scra

mbl

ed o

ver

the

fenc

e an

dhe

aded

acr

oss

Witc

het's

fiel

dto

war

ds th

e w

ood.

The

re w

ere

tree

s to

clim

b th

ere

and

the

stre

am m

ight

thro

w th

e do

g of

fth

e sc

ent.

Ifon

ly s

he c

ould

bea

tth

em to

it.A

s sh

e re

ache

d th

efir

st fe

w tr

ees

she

slow

ed d

own,

look

ing

for

a pl

ace

to h

ide.

She

paus

ed b

y a

larg

e oa

k,st

ared

up

into

its

bran

ches

,won

derin

g if

she

coul

d cl

imb

it.

Adv

erbi

al p

hras

e at

star

t em

phas

ises

pac

e

Spe

cific ve

rbs

sugg

est

soun

d an

drh

ythm

to

emph

asis

e sp

eed

Pro

noun

hid

es a

gent

Sho

rt s

ente

nce

for

effe

ct

Com

mas

sep

arat

e clau

ses

to h

elp

read

er

Adv

erb

to s

tres

s he

r pl

ight

Con

cise

sen

tenc

e m

oves

act

ion

on

Evo

cati

ve n

ame

adds

to

fear

Con

diti

onal

ver

bs s

ugge

stpo

ssib

iliti

es

Suc

cess

ion

of v

erbs

helps

mai

ntai

n ac

tion

whi

lesu

gges

ting

asl

owin

g of

pac

e

!st

para

grap

h fo

cuse

s on

pa

ce a

nd fl

ight

.2

nd in

trod

uces

hop

e of

esc

ape

Co

mp

osi

tio

n a

nd

eff

ect

Act

ion

burs

t on

to th

e pa

ge,e

stab

lishi

ng c

lear

scen

ario

– c

hara

cter

nee

ds to

esc

ape.

Rea

l sou

nds

and

imag

inar

y si

ghts

mak

e th

e ac

tion

real

istic

.

Sto

ry o

pen

ing

:act

ion


45



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 14c

OHT ending of Action story

It was half an hour after leaving Witchet’s Wood when Jude reached home. No-one hadfollowed her. She was certain of that. Sitting inthe back of the bus, she had been able to lookback and double check. Jude grinned to herself,wondering if they were still inside the wood, stillsearching the bushes, peering into the trees,frightening pheasants, probably lost . . .

A nasty surprise waited her when she got home.Her mother was standing by the front door.

“Where have you been?” she snapped, foldingher arms and staring at her daughter. It was anawkward moment. After all, her mother hadforbidden her to go anywhere near the park atthe old Grange.

“I met Trish and we went back to her house,”she lied. Her Mother gave her one of herspecial ‘looks’, then turned and went into thehouse. Relieved, Jude watched her backdisappearing. She had been lucky – she hadescaped her pursuers and fooled her mother.But she still had no idea why anyone wanted to ban visitors to the old park at the Grange.What was their secret?


46



Resource sheet 14d

Demonstration-writing: middle of Action story

But it was too high and she could already hear them stumbling into thewood, calling for her. Jude dashed on, thrusting brambles aside, thinbranches whipping into her face. Hide, I must hide, she thought. At that moment she noticed a slight dip in the ground, covered in ferns andold branches. Without thinking about it she dived in, pulling the ferns over her.

It was dark in the ditch – and damp. She could smell the earth and thewet leaves. Sunlight filtered through the branches and ferns that coveredher. She tried to steady her breathing but her heart thudded so loudlythat she was sure that someone else could hear it.

At that moment the dog padded over to her. It stopped by the ditch. Judeheld her breath and froze, still as stone. The dog stuck its nose throughthe branches and sniffed her leg. “Good boy,” whispered Jude. To heramazement, it wagged its tail. Its pink tongue hung down, dripping salivaonto her jeans.

A voice shouted and the dog turned, leaving Jude behind and setting offin another direction. Jude lay there, staring through the branches up intothe sky. Breath whistled through her lips as she let out a sigh of relief. Allbark and no bite, she thought to herself. It was quiet now. They hadmoved on.

Wriggling out of the ditch, Jude made her way back to the edge of thewood where there was a lane that curved round the field and down to the Grange. She glanced both ways and as the road was empty shedashed up the lane to the bus stop. One was due in five minutes. Fromthe other side of the wood she could hear barking and voices shouting.Then a pheasant took off in a clatter of wings . . .

Rea

dD

emon

stra

tion-

writ

e


47



Resource sheet 5c

OHT for analysis

Resource sheet 14e

Annotated middle of Action story

Sen

ten

ce s

tru

ctu

re a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

Text

org

anis

atio

n a

nd

pu

nct

uat

ion

At t

hat m

omen

t the

dog

pad

ded

over

to h

er.I

tst

oppe

d by

the

ditc

h.Ju

de h

eld

her

brea

th a

ndfr

oze,

still

as

ston

e.T

he d

og s

tuck

its

nose

thro

ugh

the

bran

ches

and

sni

ffed

her

leg.

“Goo

d bo

y,”

whi

sper

ed J

ude.

To h

eram

azem

ent,

it w

agge

d its

tail.

Its p

ink

tong

uehu

ng d

own,

drip

ping

sal

iva

onto

her

jean

s.

A v

oice

sho

uted

and

the

dog

turn

ed,l

eavi

ngJu

de b

ehin

d an

d se

tting

off

in a

noth

er d

irect

ion.

Jude

lay

ther

e,st

arin

g th

roug

h th

e br

anch

es u

pin

to th

e sk

y.B

rea

th w

hist

led

thro

ugh

her

lips

assh

e le

t out

a s

igh

ofre

lief.

All

bark

and

no

bite

,sh

e th

ough

t to

hers

elf.

It w

as q

uiet

now

.The

yha

d m

oved

on.

Wrig

glin

g ou

t of

the

ditc

h,Ju

de m

ade

her

way

back

to th

e ed

ge o

fth

e w

ood

whe

re th

ere

was

ala

ne th

at c

urve

d ro

und

the

field

and

dow

n to

the

Gra

nge.

She

gla

nced

bot

h w

ays

and

as th

ero

ad w

as e

mpt

y sh

e da

shed

up

the

lane

to th

ebu

s st

op.O

ne w

as d

ue in

five

min

utes

.Fro

m th

eot

her

side

of

the

woo

d sh

e co

uld

hear

bar

king

and

voic

es s

hout

ing.

The

n a

phea

sant

took

off

in a

cla

tter

ofw

ings

...

Adv

erbi

al o

peni

ng t

osi

gnify

surp

rise

Sim

ile +

alli

tera

tion

mak

esef

fect

ive

imag

e

Spe

cific ve

rb

Con

nect

ive

phra

se a

t st

art

ofse

nten

ce e

mph

asis

es s

urpr

ise

Sub

ordi

nate

cla

use

sugg

esti

ng p

eace

Use

of

idio

mat

ic p

hras

e re

fers

to d

og a

nd p

ursu

ers?

Sim

ple

sent

ence

to

end

desc

ript

ion

of p

ursu

it

Com

plex

sen

tenc

e m

oves

the

acti

on o

n

Sub

ordi

nate

cla

use

is a

conc

ise

way

of

conv

eyin

g lo

tsof

info

rmat

ion

that

wou

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5 stages of a narrative

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