3 deadly mistakes by long-distance-lover · that those are the most harmful ones for the...

3 DEADLY MISTAKES BY LONG-DISTANCE-LOVER.COM


3 Deadly Mistakes

That Most Guys Make

In Long Distance Relationships

And End Up ALONE

By Besski Livius

www.Long-Distance-Lover.com


Legal Stuff

The contents of this book are my opinions and observations, based on my own

experience, and should not be taken as anything more than that.

Nothing in this product should be construed as legal or other professional advice. If

you need such advice, seek the assistance of an appropriate licensed professional

in the relevant field.

The Purchaser or Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of

these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations,

federal, state, and local, or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the

Purchaser or Reader. In other words, you are solely responsible for the

consequences of your use of this material.

Uncopyright

All content of this book are in the public domain. I hereby waive all claim of

copyright in this work; it may be used or altered in any manner without attribution or

notice to me. Attribution, of course, is appreciated.

While you are under no obligation to do so, I would appreciate it if you give me

credit for any work of mine that you use, and ideally, link back to the original. If you

feel like spreading a copy of this book, you may do so without payment.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all my friends that have encouraged me to follow my

passion, motivated me to sit down and start writing, and listened for hours to me

talking about relationships. Special Thanks to my girlfriend that I love very much,

because she’s adorable, for being my inspiration. (I really hope that she doesn’t

read this book)


Contents

Introduction ........................................................... 5

Deadly Mistake # 1

Accepting Second Class Behavior ................... 6

Deadly Mistake # 2

Being Too Predictable ....................................... 16

Deadly Mistake # 3

Neediness ............................................................ 22

Bonus Mistake # 1

Being Too Generous with “I love you’s” ......... 32

Bonus Mistake # 2

Promising Eternal Love ...................................... 35

What can you do next?..................................... 41


Introduction

In today’s society, men have started losing ground in favor of women. We

are not anymore those who provide and protect them. Now women can

easily provide for themselves and their security is not at danger anymore.

More and more, men are becoming just sexual and emotional accessories,

instead of a Must Have!

That’s why we need to learn how to play the game of emotions, and

become good at keeping the women we love close to us, to avoid the

stress and pain of constant breakups.

Long Distance Relationships are one of those experiences that can help us

grow and make us happy, or condemn us to suffering. It’s in our power to

choose which option we like the most.

I wrote this short e-book, to give you a small glimpse into all the mistakes that

guys like you and me make in their LDR relationships. I took 5 out of all the

other mistakes that guys make, and detailed them for you in the pages

below.

That’s why I suggest that you read it all carefully, don’t just skim trough it,

take it word by word and get the most out of this book.

One last thing

If you are not in a long distance relationship, no worries, these mistakes

apply also to classic relationships, even though they are presented here in

the context of long distance relationships.

If you are a woman reading this book, then I highly suggest that you KEEP AN

OPEN MIND, and resist the temptation to judge, before you read the whole

book, and before you try to see things from a man’s perspective.

I hope you enjoy the book and get the most out of it! GO!


Deadly Mistake # 1 - Accepting Second Class

Behavior

Do you respect yourself? …Well, I hope you do, otherwise it’s hard to ask

your girlfriend to respect you.

So, assuming that you DO respect yourself, then why would you accept

other people, and especially your girlfriend to behave with you with no

manners?

Because she’s special? …Because you don’t want to lose her? …Because

she’s got the right to disrespect you?

Woooww, I went too hard on you just now. I better stop and explain myself.

It’s so often that I see guys being disrespected by their girlfriends;

disrespected so much that my hair rises, my eyes get bigger and my

respiration stops for a full 5 seconds time period.

It makes me crazy when I see this happening; I just want to jump on the guy

shake him really well and bring him back to reality.

Why would you accept your girlfriend to behave with you like you’re her little

brother?

Why would you let her…rise her voice at you, tell you to shut up, verbally

offend you, intentionally hit you; or in general behave with you in any way

that you don’t like or approve?

Now I think this is one of the worst mistakes guys make in a relationship, they

allow themselves to be treated badly. And they do it either consciously or

unconsciously.

Conscious and Unconscious Acceptance

When it happens consciously, it’s easy to recognize it, you see your girlfriend

telling you that you are “stupid” and you feel bad about it, you don’t like it,

but you still don’t stop her right there and tell her “Sweetie, did you just call


me stupid? Listen, I don’t accept anybody calling me stupid or anyhow else,

especially hearing that thing from the woman I love most. Okay?”

However, it’s not always that guys realize that their girlfriends are

disrespecting them. There are situations when their partners disrespect them

and they don’t even realize it, thus allowing it to happen again as if that’s

something normal.

To give you just a few examples:

- She promises something to you but doesn’t deliver;

- She’s talking with you on Skype, and at the same time she’s talking

with 5 other people on facebook, watching a movie or browsing the

net;

- She’s lying to you, even about small things;

- She keeps interrupting you when you’re speaking to her;

- She doesn’t pay attention to what you have to say;

- She doesn’t respect and fulfill your requests;

- She ignores your opinion etc.

All of these are examples of a girl disrespecting her boyfriend in a “under the

radar way”, which most of the times guys unconsciously accept as

something normal or something unimportant, instead of pointing them out

and making them stop.

The problem that I have with either consciously or unconsciously accepting

bad behavior, is that guys don’t realize that accepting second class

behavior from their girlfriends it’s the sure pathway to ruining their

relationship in the long run.

Why is that? Well, because when a woman sees that you cannot stand up for

yourself, she can’t help but lose attraction for you. She stops looking up to

you, and stops seeing you as that masculine man in her life.


Why women disrespect men?

Now, I am not saying that all the women want to disrespect guys, and they

do it all the time (even though there are these kinds of women).

What I am saying here is that sometimes when women get stressed out,

angry or pissed off, they(like any other human being) tend to behave in an

unacceptable way and they might rise their voice, send you to hell, hit you

under the belt etc.

Other times, they do it unintentionally, just because they didn’t know that it

might bother or offend you.

And other times they do it just to see what your reaction will be.

And your reaction to these situations is what makes the difference. Women

will always try to test men, and see how far they can go, what are they

allowed to do in a relationship and what aren’t they allowed doing…

And you as a man are the one that has the power to decide. She knows

that, and that’s why she’ll keep testing you to see your reactions.

If you allow her to insult you a few times, she’ll take it as permission.

If you allow her to refuse you on something a few times, she’ll know

that, it’s not a big deal to tell him NO sometimes, and she’ll stop

respecting your requests.

If you allow her to interrupt you when you speak, she’ll take is as

permission for the future and won’t let finish you ideas or your

arguments, especially during fights.

If you allow her to raise her voice at you and talk to you from a

dominant position, she’ll get used to it and take this position any time

she does not like something, and you’ll find yourself accepting rude

behavior from her more and more often.


What happens if we accept second class behavior?

So in specific circumstances, it happens that even some of the most

innocent and loving girls tend to disrespect their boyfriends.

But that still doesn’t mean that we men have to accept it. Because if we do,

two this are happening:

1) One is that we encourage them to behave like that in the future.

2) And two, is that we lose their respect; we lose our masculinity and

from there on they stop seeing us as real men that can stand up for

themselves.

And if your girlfriend starts to lose respect for yourself, she’s not far from

losing her attraction for you too. Attraction without respect does not

work.

But don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to behave like a misogynistic

dictator with your girlfriend, and forbid her to rise her voice or express her

negative emotions, what I am suggesting you though, is to respect yourself

and have some boundaries; and let her know about these boundaries.

Note: Having boundaries means, knowing what you like and what you

don’t like; knowing what you accept and what you don’t accept from other

people.

It’s okay to be a bit angry and let the tension verbally express itself as long as

you don’t start calling each other names and using bad words as “figures of

speech”.

The problem is that most guys don’t know how to react in these types of

situations, and they just accept it; that’s a pity, because by accepting bad

behavior they encourage future bad behavior, period!

So when confronted with a situation where their girlfriends disrespect them,

most of the guys are confused, they don’t know what to do about it…


…Should they stop them right there and explain them that they don’t

accept such behavior, and “risk” having a fight about it?

…Should they ignore the whole situation and risk being perceived as weak?

…Or should they just laugh about it and risk setting the frame that “it’s okay

for me to be disrespected”?

As a result most of the time guys chose the latter two options, and it turns out

that those are the most harmful ones for the relationship in the long run.

What to Do About It?

Okay, now that you understand what is really going on behind the scenes of

“accepting second class behavior”, let’s talk about what you can do about

it.

From my experience you have 3 options to choose from: take it as a joke,

ignore it, or point it out and stop it right there.

Let’s take them one by one…

1) Taking it as a joke

So, is it okay to just laugh about something that actually made you feel

bad? The answer is Yes, sometimes you don’t have to take things seriously.

As a general rule these are the times when:

- It happens for the first time.

- It’s done in the context of some kind of joke(but not too often)

- She’s in a really bad mood, and you want to avoid an argument.

- And lastly when it happens in public.

In these 4 particular situations I don’t really recommend you to get all serious

and emphasize your values on her. You can just laugh about it, take it as a


joke or even better – sometimes even exaggerate it to a point where it really

becomes a good joke.

Here’s an example: You’re hanging out with some friends and you’re having

an intense conversation about something. During this conversation your

girlfriend keeps interrupting you over and over again. Well in this case don’t

want to ignore it, and give her permission to continue doing so. You also

don’t want to “stop it” by telling her directly that you don’t like that,

because you’re being public; so what you want to do is take is as joke and

exaggerate it a little bit by saying something like: “look at her, she keeps

interrupting me all the time; baby you should consider working for the radio!”

and saying it with a smile on your face.

2) Ignoring it

What about ignoring a situation where your girlfriend disrespected you?

Should you ever do that? Well, yes. Again in some specific situations the best

thing for that exact moment is to ignore the rude behavior.

A few examples of these situations would be:

- When she’s really angry at you because you did something wrong.

In this case you might want to let her “express” herself and not laugh

or get upset about it.

- When she’s drunk.

These are examples of two situations where there’s no point in taking it

personally, because at that moment you really can’t do much to stop it

from happening, and truth to be said it doesn’t come from a place of logic

and intention, it’s just an emotional response that can be hardly controlled.

What you could do though, is to take the situation into your hands, by

changing the subject or doing something else than talking (kissing her,

hugging her etc. or if you’re on Skype, just letting her calm down for a few

minutes, and then continue the conversation).

3) Stopping it

Now, the third option that you have is to stop your girl right there, point out

the specific action or word that offended you and calmly emphasize your


boundaries, getting her to understand that you do not like that and do not

want it to happen again.

In the case when she did something that truly insulted you, then you should

also ask her to apologize.

So as long as she behaves in a rude way, let’s say she tells you “to shut up”

and that’s in the context of a fight, or her being annoyed at something

you’re telling her (so she’s not kidding); in this case you have to let her know

that you don’t like that, by saying something along the lines of:

“Listen sweetie, I understand that you don’t like to hear what I’m telling you

right now, but don’t tell me to shut up, okay?! Let’s respect each other, and

please* let me finish what I have to say.”

*No, you’re not begging her to listen to you; you are telling her to do that, in a serious way.

The use of the word please is only for being polite in your request.”

Important Note:

Even though I did not mention this in the last two options, I strongly suggest

that you ALWAYS “stop” her rude behavior when or after it happened.

What I mean by that is:

Even though in the specific circumstances mentioned before your first

reaction to an insult or her rude behavior will be to laugh about it or ignore

it, you still want to always point it out later on in the conversation, but in an

extremely calm and friendly, yet also serious way, letting her know that you

didn’t like that, and don’t want that to happen again.

If you do that, then I can assure you almost 100%, that your significant other

will not just respect you more, but also see you as a real man, that can stand

up for himself and who does not accept second class behavior from other

people. As a result you’ll become a much more attractive man in her eyes.

So, what am I teaching you here?


I am basically teaching you how to educate your “honey bee”, so that she

behaves in a way that will make you happy. And if you are happy, you’ll

make her happy too.

I believe that when we humans start a relationship, we begin a process of

getting to know each other. A process in which each partner becomes the

teacher for the other partner.

From the first day we meet, we start to educate one another about our likes

and dislikes.

And if you come to me and tell me that “You know, Livius, my girlfriend does

not respect me anymore as she used to”, then my answer to you would be -

this is how you educated her.

You probably heard the saying: “We teach others how to treat us”, and this

is exactly what this chapter was all about.

At this point you might be saying “Noo, that never happens to me! My

girlfriend never insults or disrespects me.” And I sincerely hope that you are

an exception.

But from my experience - it happens to all of us, and it’s very important that

we know how to handle these types of situations.

So to conclude on the Number 1 Deadly Mistake, I want to tell you this:

You need to be a man. And in this particular case, being a man means that

you do not accept second class behavior from anyone, especially from the

woman you love the most.

Recap

All right, let’s recap everything we’ve gone over in this first chapter:

- You need to respect yourself, before you ask your partner to respect

you.

- Accepting second class behavior from your girlfriend is one of the

worst mistakes you can make in your relationship.


- You can accept second class behavior either consciously or

unconsciously. Both of them are bad and destructive.

- Conscious acceptance of bad behavior means that she directly

insults you and you can’t help but notice it and feel bad about it &

Unconscious acceptance, means that she indirectly disrespects your

values, thus making you feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied, yet still

not insulted.

- Accepting bad behavior from your girlfriend is the sure pathway to

ruining your relationship in the long run.

- Girls lose attraction for men that cannot stand up for themselves and

their values.

- Under specific circumstances, especially the stressful ones, even the

most loving girls can disrespect their boyfriends, but It still does not

give them an excuse to do that, therefore guys should point out these

situations and emphasize their boundaries.

- Most guys just don’t know how to react when they are being

disrespected, and because of that, they always chose the “peaceful

way” of dealing with it, which turns out to be the most harmful for the

relationship.

- By accepting bad behavior they encourage future bad behavior,

period!

- There are 3 ways to deal with second class behavior: Taking it as a

joke, Ignoring it, and Stopping it. The first two ways are used only in

specific circumstances, while the last one is the general rule of thumb.

- No matter what option you chose, you’ve always got to let your girl

know about the fact that you don’t approve of her behaving that

way.


- It is okay to let your partner know about any of her actions that make

you feel bad, and ask her to stop doing them. It’s okay to educate

her.


Deadly Mistake # 2 - Being Too Predictable

What is Predictability?

When I first hear the word predictability, the first thing that comes to mind is

that old style watch that makes the “ding-dong” sound every 60 minutes.

(Did you just picture the watch?...Good!)

So, predictability is nothing else but doing the same actions, saying the

same words, talking about the same subjects, sending the same style text

messages and overall, being the same good old you - over and over…and

over again, just like that old style watch that “ding-dongs” every 60 minutes.

When being in a long distance relationship, getting stuck in the

“predictability trap” is very easy. It actually comes naturally to for us humans

to create routines and follow them all the time, because it’s easier for us, it’s

comforting, and it doesn’t require too much effort.

Why is it a deadly mistake to be predictable in a long distance

relationship?

The problem with predictability in a relationship is that – it’s predictable! And

if it’s predictable then there’s a big probability that it’s boring, and if it’s

boring – then IT’S NOT FUN!

Now, long distance relationships are by definition “boring relationships”. All

you can do is to “communicate”; no touching, no kissing, no cuddling, no

(real)sex…all you can do is communicate.

And if your “communication” it’s also predictable, then boy, you’re doomed

to die in pain….Just kidding. ;)

But if seriously, if your communication with your partner is very predictable,

following a specific set of routines like: talking on Skype every evening at

around 9 o’clock for around 2 hours, and sending a text message of “good

morning” every morning at around 11; then you’re not far from that “ding-

donging” clock that you pictured before.


A long distance relationships needs fun and excitement to stay alive (well

besides many other things that are outside the scope of this book) and you

need to make sure that the fun and excitement does not miss.

If you want your girlfriend to be excited about talking to you over and over

again for hours in a row, and never think about dating other guys; you need

to give her good, positive emotions so that she has something to look

forward to.

You see, if you know anything about attracting women, then you must know

that predictability is one of the biggest killers of attraction.

Imagine that you were a girl and you were dating this great but very

predictable guy.

You’d follow the same routines every day, and when you’d try to imagine

how your relationship is going to look like in 2 weeks, or in 2 months, or in 2

years;… what you see is the same “what did you do today” conversations,

at the same time, the same text messages etc. Now or in 2 months, it’s all

the same…

Now let me ask this: “When you know that; are you excited about this

relationship?”

I’d like to think that you’re answer was NO; otherwise it means that you’re in

trouble.

Now, you’re still a girl, and you have a long distance relationship with this

very cool, creative and a bit crazy guy. He’s got a spirit of adventure and

he’s fun to be around, because you never know what’s coming next.

Now, when you try to imagine you relationship two months ahead, you

realize that you don’t really know what to expect. The only thing you know is

that you want to be at his side, and find out what’s gonna happen.

Would be excited about watching a movie if you’d know exactly how the

movie would go and how it would end?


Would you be excited about watching sports if you’d know exactly who

would win, and what would happen during the game?

The answer is most probably NO. A good movie, just like a good game, is

one that is unpredictable and keeps you intrigued. That’s what you have to

do in a relationship too – be unpredictable, and keep her intrigued!

So, women are these creatures that are always looking for a bigger portion

of fun. As one friend of mine used to say “women are seduced by shiny

things”, they look for someone who is going to rescue them from their usually

boring lives.

And if you are not that guy who can bring a smile on their face by doing

something crazy with no reason, just out of the blue;

Or if you are not someone that can get them surprised over and over again;

And if you’re not that guy that makes them think…”hmmm, soo, what’s

next?”…Then I can assure you that your long distance relationship won’t last

long enough for you to get to the point where you move in together.

How to avoid predictability?

Being fun, creative and unpredictable is not that complicated either, it’s just

a matter of being in the moment and looking for ways to do things that you

normally do in a slightly different way.

What I want you to do right now is to take 2 minutes and think about your

long distance relationship.

Think about all the stuff that you do in the same way - every single day.

For example it could be that: you talk at the same time every day, or you

send her a text message every day around the same time, or you start your

conversations on Skype or phone with the same line “hey baby, what are

you doing?”, or you talk about the same subjects over and over again etc.

You might also consider making a list with all these routines that you’re

following every day. The great thing about writing things down is that they

become more real and are not just some random thoughts in your head

that come and go.


So, you have them in from of you, and you’re ready for the next step, which

is to start a little brainstorming about what can you change, what can you

do differently, what you can include, what can you exclude etc.

Don’t take this too seriously, it has to be fun, and don’t worry if you can’t

come up with a lot of new ideas.

The point here is to get your mind thinking about new ways of doing the

usual things.

I hope you already did this simple, yet powerful exercise. If not, then do it

right now:

1) Take 2 minutes (not more) to think about your LDR daily routines.

2) Make a little list with all the routines that you identified.

3) Take another 15 minutes to brainstorm a bit about what you could do

differently…and write those ideas down!

Simple, isn’t it? So do it right now!

************************

Aaand, we’re back!

Next time when you’re about to call your girlfriend, write her a text or have a

Skype talk etc.…go back to your list and get yourself inspired.

A few personal examples of being unpredictable

Now, because you’ve already done the exercise, and because I am proud

of you for doing that; I am gonna give you below a list of some of my ideas

that I came up with, a long time ago when I realized that things need to be

spiced up a little.

So, you want to:

- Send her text messages at different hours (not every day at around

noun, or every morning when you wake up)


- Write different types of texts: love texts, funny texts, updates about

your activities, sexy texts, etc.

- Call her in the middle of the night and tell her to go wash her teeth,

wash her face or even better - to go pie.

- Take your laptop or Smartphone and have a Skype conversation in a

cool place other than your usual room.

- Vary your clothes, dress differently every day… (and avoid being

always in your pajamas when you talk to her on Skype)

- Talk about other subjects that the ones you normally do. A few

examples: talk about hypothetical situations and how would you

overcome them/what would you choose – “If you had the option of

having dinner with one celebrity, who would you chose? And Why?”

etc.

- Write her an email, rather than a text message, and then send her a

text to check her email;

- Start a conversation on Skype with you being naked in front of the

camera. (I gave you this example just to show you how crazy you can

be)

- Etc.

The idea here is to add some more variety in your relationship. Otherwise,

the 11 o’clock love message, the 7 o clock Skype conversation, and the

good night text message…and just like that for a few months - will get your

girl bored to death.

It does not mean she won’t love you anymore, I am sure she will. However

she might think about finding “the fun” in someplace other than her

relationship with you.


And that “someplace other” could be in a relationship with another, more

unpredictable guy.

Last thing…

Next time when you’re about to go on with one of your LDR routines,

remember the old style “ding-donging” watch, and ask yourself “Do I want

to be like that watch or do I want to be a more creative and fun person?”

Good luck!


Deadly Mistake # 3 - Neediness

Let me tell you a story….

A few years ago when I used be very proactive and involve myself into all

kind of social activities, I participated at a great training organized by a

local student organization.

Now this training was really fun because there were so many cute girls

around, that the last thing I could focus on was on carrier development and

student opportunities (this being the subject of the training).

My thoughts were all about which girl from that room do I like most, followed

by, how could I get that girl to become my girlfriend.

So, as you can imagine, I was into a really complicated situation, and had to

take a tough life changing decision that day. And I did.

After a few hours talking to people in the breaks, being sociable and getting

to know some of the girls, I decided that the lucky girl will be the trainer

herself - a cute blonde, in her early twenties.

I had no idea how I was gonna get her attracted to me, but I knew that I

wanted her and no other girl in the room.

Later that day, when the training was over, we were announced that there’s

gonna be a private party for us, later that night, at one of the local pubs.

Now, as soon as I heard that news, I knew that this was my chance. I went to

this girl after the training, told her how cool the training was, and delicately

asked her if she was going to be at the party that night.

She told me that she’d be there, and seemed quite happy about me asking

her about it.

To make the long story short, that night we met at the party, danced, kissed,

exchanged numbers and agreed to meet the day after, for “a date”.

Now, from here on the interesting part starts…


After I got the number at the party, on my way home I sent her a text

message “telling her how happy I was that we met, and how much fun I

had”.

In the morning, I sent her a new text, telling her good morning and letting her

know that I couldn’t wait to see her again.

By the way, I did not get any answer to none of those two texts until

later that day at around noon.

The first second after I got the text from her, I called her, really eager to invite

her out.

To my surprise she was “busy” all day, and said that maybe she’ll be free

tomorrow. My reaction was “Yeah, sure, tomorrow I am free, no problem,

and if I am not, I’ll make sure to be.”

The reality was that the next day I had to leave town to visit a friend, but of

course I canceled the “visit” and stayed to meet her.

In the evening, I figured… why not send her a good night text, “she’ll

appreciate it” I told myself. So I sent it, but got no “good night text” back.

I thought “this girl is playing hard to get”, but not with me.

Next day was THE DAY when we had to finally meet. So, I send her a text at

around 11 asking her if she was free.

She answered me around 2 hours later, saying that yes, she was free, but

we’ll have to meet later in the evening. I was ecstatic!

So I send her a text back “expressing my happiness”. (What a mistake!)

Now, pay attention here.

Because I was so happy, I figured - why not bring her a present?! So, what I

did was to go on facebook, find a picture of hers and draw her a portrait on

a A4 sheet.

So I made her a really cute portrait, and couldn’t wait to meet her and give

it to her. I thought this is gonna be the ultimate seduction technique.


Before leaving my place to meet her, I called her again, making sure that

she’s gonna be there.

SO WE MET! Went to a quite café and the rest of the date followed like this:

We talked a bit about her, and then I told her that I had a present, so I gave

it to her.

She was impressed of course, but from there on the conversation became

more and more awkward, and after a few minutes she said that she has to

go.

I accompanied her to the bus station, and here’s the best part:

I tried to kiss her (It should have not been a problem, because we’ve

already French kissed all night at that party before) but she refused.

Then I started talking about our next meeting, and trying to make some

plans, when she interrupted me and told me “Sorry, but, I have to leave

town for a week, and then when I’ll come back, I’ll be really busy with my

studies.”

So there was no next meeting. She didn’t want to see me again. And I was

destroyed.

End of the story.

This happened around 5 years ago, when I was still young and very green

when it comes to romantic relationships.

And even though it was a very painful experience for me at that time; when

I look back right now, I realize that it was also ONE OF THE MOST VALUABLE

experiences in my life.

It taught me one crucial lesson – Neediness Is Not Attractive!

So as you probably figured out already during the story, I was overly needy

and this pushed her away like crazy.

I send her too many text messages, showing her that I was very eager to

meet her;… I brought her a present at our first date - which was the “drop


that filled the glass”, and overall… I gave her too much attention at the

wrong time and in the wrong way.

So before I go on, let me define what neediness means:

Being needy, means being overly excited to be with a girl and letting this

excitement manifest itself trough your words and actions.

So what does my story have to do with your long distance

relationship?

It’s true; my story was about the beginning of a normal relationship and not

about a serious, long distance relationship.

However the moral of the story perfectly applies to any kind relationship,

especially a long distance relationship.

You see, women love attention from men, they love it. But when they get it,

and especially when they get too much of it, their attraction for that man

starts to diminish.

When a man is too needy…at point they know that they have the man, they

have him by the balls and that man does not present any challenge

anymore.

It’s one thing that women say that they love. (In this case is attention from a

man).

And it’s totally another thing that actually makes them attracted. (In this

case, not getting enough attention from a man).

So being the needy nice guy, that showers women with attention, gifts and

“love” does not help you keep your long distance relationship alive, just the

opposite, it actually makes you less desirable.

For example:

My current girlfriend that I am having a magnificent relationship with, and

we’ve been together for more than 1,5 years now (in a long distance


relationship all this time) she’s always complaining that I am not romantic

enough.

Now, what she means is that I am not complimenting her enough, I am not

calling her enough and telling her how much I love her…and basically I am

not putting her on a pedestal and pampering her like a goddess.

So she’s complaining from time to time, that I am not doing that for her, and

insists that I should do that.

But I know, that if I would be “romantic” enough for her to say “yes, he’s very

romantic”, and start showering her with compliments and become the

nicest guy on the planet and satisfy all her desires – THEN, IN A MONTH OR

TWO, she’ll forget about me, just like it happened with the few other

boyfriends she’s had before me.

The point here is the following: What they think they want, is not what

actually makes them attracted. They love attention and affection, but given

to them in the right way.

And I’ll show you later what the right way is… So keep reading!

The most common ways guys show neediness in a LDR.

- Calling her too often.

Calling your girl too often means that you constantly think about her; it

means that you constantly need her to reassure you that she’s still yours.

I knew a long-distance couple once, where the guy was “missed calling” or

“beeping” his girlfriend every 10-15 minutes, and also expecting her to beep

him back, otherwise he was getting really upset and they had to fight

because of that matter.

Now, this is neediness taken to the extreme. And the worst thing about this

couple is that the girl loved him so much.

But because of hiss excessive neediness, at some point she just gave up and

freed herself up from his constant need of reassurance – she broke up with

him.


- Sending her too many text messages.

Sending too many texts can make your partner fell overwhelmed, obligated

and even guilty for not being able to answer you back.

Another needy thing to do in terms of texting is sending her a few texts one

after another, without receiving any answer to the previous ones. This is

another example of extreme neediness.

- Wanting to talk on Skype longer that she’s able to. And then getting

upset because of her having to go.

- Being always available for her.

If are always ready to give up anything you are doing at any point, just to

talk her it means that you don’t value yourself enough, putting her interests

before yours. And a man that does not value himself enough won’t be

valued by women either.

A woman is attracted to a man that has a purpose in life and follows it, not

to a man that makes her his life purpose.

- Constantly asking her if she loves you.

Constantly asking your partner if she loves you implies that you are insecure

about yourself and need her reassurance to feel secure.

It’s not just that being an insecure guy is not attractive to a woman…but the

big question is, why would you “ask” your girlfriend if she loves you when you

can easily get the answer by looking at her actions?

It’s twice as better than asking her; first, her actions won’t lie, and second,

you won’t look insecure.

How to Avoid Being Needy – And Be A More Attractive Man

Instead


Good. Now that you understand why neediness is not attractive, I am going

to show you, how you can avoid this mistake, and make yourself more

attractive to your partner.

The Principle of Reciprocity

During the last 7 years that I went from LDR to LDR, I developed a great

concept that I call “The Principle of Reciprocity”.

Now, the principle of reciprocity is one of the fundamental requirements for

any relationship to last and be a source of happiness and satisfaction for

each partner.

The Principle of Reciprocity includes 3 levels on which any man in a long

distance relationship needs to be equal with his partner in order to secure his

image of an attractive man.

In this book I am going to discuss one of the 3 levels, and to be more specific

the level of “Attention”.

When it comes to keeping women attracted, a man needs to give his

woman enough attention that she knows that he loves her, but not enough

attention that she knows that she’s got him by the balls.

Imagine a glass that is half full with water – this is the level where a woman

feels ignored but still knows that her partner loves her.

Now, picture a glass that is nearly full, but there’s still some water needed to

get the water flowing out of the glass – this is the level where a woman

knows that her partner loves her but she still does not feel like he’s hers

forever.

The idea here is that you want to be playing somewhere between these two

levels, going up and down depending on how much attention she gives

you:

- When she’s calling you a lot, writing you text messages, telling you

how much she loves you – then you do the same, you keep the glass

nearly full, thus giving her a lot of attention too.


- And when she’s being more ignorant, texting you less often, not

expressing her affection to you that much, being less available, then

you do the same, you keep the glass half full.

Here a few rules that you can follow to avoid neediness and

make yourself more attractive to your partner:

1) The Tennis Rule

Give her back, as much attention as she gives you.

It’s called the Tennis Rule, because it’s just like playing tennis – you throw the

ball in her field and then wait for her to throw it back. You don’t throw a

bunch of balls in her field just to get her to play with you.

You can use this rule with phone calls, text messages, Skype talks etc.

With text messages - never send her a new text message if she hasn’t

answered the previous one. There are various exceptions of course, but as a

general rule, try not to send her text after text, if she’s not answering you

back.

And if you were the one to send her a text last, then let her be the one to

send you a new text later that day.

With phone calls - take turns calling each other. If you called her once that

day, then let her call you the next time (you can let her know that you want

her to call you next time). For this to work you need to both have the

possibilities to call each other on the phone.

With Skype - take turns calling each other. If you called her once, then let her

be the one to call you next time.

Now, you can keep this rule for you, or you can also let her know about it

and make it into a little game that you’ll be playing.

2) End the Skype talks, phone calls, text message conversations, first.


This means that you are the one that says first: “Okay sweetie, I gotta go

now; it’s time for me to …take a shower/go to work/ prepare some food/

make some exercise, etc.

You’ve gotta find some legitimate reasons why the conversation should end,

and not just “because we talked too much today”.

Also it’s not necessary to do it 100% of the times, sometimes she’ll also have

some legitimate reasons to end the conversation, and that’s fine, but the

best thing to do is to ask her about her plans and then “approximate” when

she’ll have to go so that you can tell her first something like “Okay, dear I let

you go now, you’ve got some stuff to do right?”

If you do that, you’ll quickly see how she’ll become more eager to talk to

you, and how she’ll start sending you more texts.

3) Miss a few phone calls

Girls do this a lot. They miss a few phone calls, to see how many times we’re

gonna call. And if we call them too many times in a short period of time,

then it’s clear – they have us by the balls!

Now, you want to do that too, and let your girl worry a bit, why aren’t you

answering. You can also test her attraction level by doing that, and see if

she’ll keep calling you or she’ll just wait for you to call her back.

4) Wait a few minutes before answering her text messages.

Let her wait a bit for your answer, sometimes you don’t want to appear too

eager to answer a text message. She’ll put more value on your answer if she

has waited a bit for it.

5) Stop worrying about her not answering your texts quick enough.

Earlier in my experience, I used to get really upset when I’d text a girl and

never get a text back, or when I’d text my girlfriend and get an answer a

few hours later.

The result was that I was worrying and wasting my energy in vain, and in the

end also fighting with my girlfriend about that. (Once I even broke up with a

girl that I was seeing, because of such a stupid reason)


Now the best solution to this problem that I found, and that has always

worked best, without fail, is following these 3 steps:

1) Write the text. 2) Send it. 3) And forget about it!

What this means, is that when you send a text message, you want to never

have the expectation of getting a reply.

If you send a love text message, send it because you want to let her know

that you think of her. Period! And not because you want to get a reply back.

However, in the case when you’re sending her a text about a more serious

matter and you need her to reply urgently; well better call her!

But if you still send her a text, then mention in the text: “waiting for your

reply” or “reply asap” etc.

One last thought…

Even though it’s called “The Reciprocity Rule”, it’s okay if your partner gives

you more attention than you give her. Just make sure that it’s not the other

way around.

So have your own life, be less available sometimes, be the one to end the

Skype talks first, answer her messages a bit later, miss a few calls, and stop

worrying about not getting a reply to your texts, quick enough.


Two More BONUS Mistakes

Bonus Mistake # 1 - Being Too Generous with “I

love you’s”

I love you, I love you, Ohh I love you so much….and so on, all day, all night!

That’s another mistake that most guys make in relationships. They overuse

the expression “I love you” to a point where it has little to no value for their

partners.

And it’s a pity, because this expression should be the supreme way of

expressing affection for someone and it should mean a lot to the other

person.

I’ve recently heard a story about this couple, where the guy was telling his

girlfriend “I love you” every day, every single day, maybe even a few times

a day.

And after around 2 months of the guy telling his girlfriend I love you every

single day…one day she comes to him and tells him “Do you love me?” he

obviously sais “Of course I love you”, and she says “Then are going to ever

write me a love poem or make me a true declaration of love?” to which the

guys sais “But, I am telling you every day that I love you” and the girls says

“That is an affirmation! What I need is a declaration!”

So the moral of the story is the following: If you tell her that you love her too

frequently, the “I love you” affirmation loses its value.

So what can you do about it?

Here are a few simple ways how you can amplify the value of “I love you” :


1) Obviously – tell her that you love her less frequently.

Now, I am not saying that you become afraid of telling her that you

love her, or that you start counting all the times that you told her that

you love her.

What I mean here is that, sometimes it’s not necessary to use this

affirmation because it’s either implied in something else you’ve just

told her or you’ve already told her that day that you love her.

So a simple rule of thumb: if it’s not really necessary, don’t tell her

again.

Not every text message has to have an “I love you” in it. Really! Even if

it’s a good night text. From time to time you can save the “I love you”

for another text.

Believe me, if you already told her that a few times in the last days, or

even that day, she already knows that you do love her, and saying it

one more time means overusing it, thus decreasing its value.

- Use other words to express your affection for her.

Sometimes, you want to express your feelings in some way other that

using the obvious “I love you”.

This way she’ll know that you love her, but you’ll still keep the value of

you the “I love you” high.

A few examples could be: I adore you; I can’t wait to feel your body

close to mine; You mean a lot to me; I am thankful to God that he

gave you to me; You are my inspiration and my motivation to

become a better person etc.

You can also tell her that you love her in other languages, thus still

saving the value of the “I love you” in your language.

- Reciprocity


Use the rule of reciprocity. Tell her that you love her when she tells you

that she loves you.

That’s a pretty safe rule that you can follow to avoid overusing “I love

you”.

But that’s just to avoid overusing it. But if you want to create a bit

more attraction and keep your girl wondering a little about your

feelings, then I suggest that you also follow the previous two rules in

addition to this one.

So, to make a short recap:

Tell her that you love her, any time she does. Otherwise, use the “I love

you” affirmation less frequently and also replace it with other

expressions of affection.

This will help you both: keep the value of “I love you” high and keep

your partner more attracted to you.


Bonus Mistake # 2 - Promising Eternal Love

(Special Bonus)

Remember the example that I gave you with the glass of water, where you

had to play between the glass being half full and the glass being nearly full?

Well, this mistake is all about filling that glass until the water flows out of it.

This is one of those mistakes that I wouldn’t normally give away for free,

because it’s of such value, and it has such an impressive and powerful

effect on a relationship.

Besides, it’s not the easiest concepts to explain in a written format and its

best explained face to face in a friendly conversation.

But despite all that, I’ll try to give you a piece if it, in this e-book. So pay close

attention.

How do you give you woman enough affection so that she feels loved and

cared about, but not enough to make her absolutely certain that you are

hers forever?

Now, that’s million dollar question, isn’t it?

And the ability of a man to do exactly that, is what makes the difference

between successful relationships, and relationships that fall apart at some

point because of the woman becoming disinterested in making her man

constantly happy.

Being a Pragmatic Lover

Being a Pragmatic Lover is a concept that I’ve developed in the last two

years, after analyzing carefully my previous relationships, the relationships of

my friends, the relationships of the people I know and I’ve heard of, and

putting it all together with the science of seducing women.


Being a Pragmatic Lover means being a lover that gives its best for the

relationship to work, but does not idealize that relationship neither his partner

to the point where he can’t see life outside that particular relationship.

Just like the name suggests this is the lover that, based from experience,

based on all the facts that our society gives him, he understands that love is

not eternal.

So the definition of a Pragmatic Lover is the following:

This is the lover that understands that love is a perishable notion, thus, he

does not promise eternal love to his partner, but he makes all that’s in his

power to make love between him and his partner a forever lasting notion.

Let me explain this definition step by step…

1) First of all – He understands that love is a perishable notion.

If we look around, NOT IN MOVIES, but in the reality around us, we realize

that love does not last a lifetime, it somehow appears, lasts as long as the

partners make it last, and then it just perishes away.

Try answering these questions:

- How many relationships did you have where you felt like “this is the

person that I want to spend my life with”?

- Or how many times have you said that you will always love your

girlfriend? And then somehow, after you broke up and started a new

relationship you stopped loving your ex-girlfriend?

- How many couples do you know that used to say that they can’t live

one without another; that used to idealize their relationship and

ended up with broken hearths in a few months or years?

- How many times did you hear from your past girlfriends that they will

love you forever, and later when you broke up, that “eternal love” has

vanished away?


- How many families do you know where the partners live together just

because of the kids, because of commodity, because of fear to get

out of that relationship etc. and not because of love anymore?

- How many divorces are happening globally every day? (hint:

thousands)

I hope, that the answers to these questions helped you realize that love isn’t

usually* a forever lasting notion.

*I said “usually” because it could actually be, and I’ll show you how, a bit later in

this book.

So, the Pragmatic Lover understands that love is a perishable notion.

2) Secondly – He does not promise eternal love to his partner.

Promising eternal love is actually making love more perishable.

(Attention: when a man does it)

And that is because when you let your partner know that she’s “everything

for you” and that you cannot live without her; and when you keep telling

her that over and over again, and you keep proving her that over and over

again; then what happens is that you stop being a challenge for her, she

knows that she’s got you by the balls.

And if she knows that she’s got you by the balls, then from there on, her

attraction for you starts lowering, she does not appreciate you as much as

she used to, and she starts taking you for granted.

So the Pragmatic Lover is not an innate romantic that does nothing else but

talk about love and promises the stars from the sky to his significant other.

He does not use often expressions like: “I will always love you”, “You are

everything to me!”, “Our love is eternal!”, “I cannot live without you!”.

Using these absolute expressions over and over again would mean filling

that glass of water; packing his balls nicely in a gift box and handing them to

his partner.


It would basically mean, that he’s no more a challenge and he’ll be viewed

as such by his partner, from there on.

To give you a very common example:

Marriage is one of those things where the man stops being a pragmatic

lover and says “Yes I am yours forever” and that is a big turn off* for women,

because from there on they take men from granted and stop investing in

the relationship like they used to before getting married.

*It’s a turn off because it turns off their attraction mechanism, they’ve already

achieved their goal. (unless you give them a new goal)

“They say that women from 20 to 30 make it a full time job finding a great

man to marry, and then the day they get married they retire to pension,

which is paid by the man.”

I am not saying that you shouldn’t marry your beloved girl sometime, what I

am saying though is not to tie your hands too much in the marriage so that

your woman can feel “safe enough” that you’ll never leave her.

She has to always feel a bit insecure about losing you, in order to feel

challenged and motivated to invest in the relationship.

3) And thirdly – he does everything in his power to make the relationship

work and make the love between him and his partner a forever lasting

notion.

This is not the lover that gives up because other relationships have failed.

Yes, he is realistic, he realizes that their love can vanish away, and he also

realizes that their love will vanish away even sooner if he starts promising

“eternal love” to his partner.

Coming from a realistic background, he knows what mistakes to avoid (the

ones mentioned in this e-book are some of these mistakes), he knows how to

keep his woman constantly attracted, he has a mature attitude and the

mindset of a true long distance lover.


And he uses his knowledge and skills to make his partner happy and keep

her profoundly in love. And if he doesn’t know, he learns from men who

know!

Okay, what can you do to become a Pragmatic Lover yourself?

1) Let you “honey bee” know that the relationship you’re having is a two

people job. Tell her that your relationship will last as long as you, both

of you, will make it last.

Opposed to the usual approach of: “I love you so much, I will never let

you go, you are mine forever, I want you to know that!”

2) Avoid making “fake and destructible promises” of eternal love to her.

You want to let her to know that you love her, but not to know that

you “need” her so much in your life that you cannot live without her.

3) Avoid having long term plans together. Plans like: we’re gonna get

married, how many kids we’re gonna have etc.

Instead, have medium term plans, looking 1-2 years ahead only,

opposed to 5-10 years.

Now, you might tell me “yeah but I have to give to my girlfriend

something to look forward to in the future!”

And you’d be right. You have to give your girlfriend something to look

forward to, that is true, especially in a long distance relationship, that’s

why you should give her realistic plans/goals to look forward to.

Goals like: the next time we see each other, the future trip we’re

going to have, the time when we’ll finally be able to close the

distance etc.

I suggest that you have the mentality of:


“I cannot predict the future, that’s why I don’t want to give you unsure

hopes. What I can tell you though, is that I want this relationship to

work and us to be happy for as much as possible, who knows maybe

until your hair starts getting grey” Let’s not fantasize about the far

future and make the close future be fun and enjoyable.”

4) Use the “if we get there” mentality.

When making medium term plans like “This amazing trip that we’re

going to have in 6 months”, use the “if we get there” mentality saying

something along the lines of “I can’t wait for us to go on that trip and

have a lot of fun, but of course, if we survive until then and don’t tear

each other’s hair out in these six months before having the trip.”

And let HER assure YOU that it will be fine and you’ll survive. By trying

to convince you, she’ll convince herself too.

5) Avoid making the mistakes that we’ve talked about in this book:

- Don’t accept second class behavior

- Be more unpredictable, creative and spontaneous

- Don’t give her too much attention / don’t be needy

- Don’t be too generous with the “I love you” affirmation.

- And lastly become a Pragmatic Lover.


Final Words…

CONGRADULATIONS! You are now, a more knowledgeable Long-Distance-

Lover!

But knowledge itself does not mean much if it’s not turned into practice. So, I

highly encourage you to apply what you’ve learned in this book in your long

distance relationship, and experience the great results that I and the people

that have used my advice are experiencing.

With Love & Respect,

Besski Livius

Do You Feel Like This Book Has Helped You?

Someone Could Thank You For The Advice In It!

What can you do next...?

1) Please, if you found the book Helpful, write a short review on AMAZON.

It would make me supper happy if you did that, as it would be your way

to appreciate my effort for writing it, and it would help other guys decide

on reading this short and fresh eBook.

Click Here to write a short Amazon Review!

Find the button Write a Customer Review and insert your text there.

I hope every single man reads this book and avoids making these simple

mistakes.

http://www.amazon.com/Deadly-Mistakes-Distance-Relationships-ebook/dp/B009K8QO3U/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1365695836&sr=8-3&keywords=3+deadly+mistakes


2) Send it to a friend who is also in a LDR.

This book has no copyrights, so feel free to share it with anyone that you think it

might be helpful to.

3) Keep your eyes on your inbox, because I will be sending you a lot

more great ideas.

I’ve created this website to add my contribution to the quality of the long

distance relationships we guys have. And I am going to do everything in my

power to bring you the best ideas possible, to help you have a strong and

enjoyable long distance relationship.

Take care!

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