Spandane – The Last Lecture Section III – My Tips, Views & Observations

www.spandane.com

25 / My Views – Tips on Conflict Management

Conflict is part of our LIFE and is inevitable. We may not be fortunate to avoid all conflicts

but we can certainly try to manage them well in time. Understanding reasons of conflict &

acceptance of conflict etc. are most essential for its management. There are many countries

and humans prefer Conflict and others have to suffer in the process.

Conflict results in Tension & loss of efficiency and may also result in pessimistic attitude. It

is very difficult to define Conflict. We can say that Conflict means two posts or two power

zones. Every one waits for the Conflict because it is difficult to stay away from Conflict.

Most of the time, no attempt is made to resolve the Conflict. Usually the attitude is ‘Wait

and Watch’. However once the conflict grows out of proportion, then it gets known to all.

Then a person either tries to avoid conflict or accepts the conflict and initiates to fight with

the same. One must arrive at the root cause of the conflict and make an attempt to resolve

amicably so that it won’t recur again. One must observe how we behaved during conflict

process? What we did to resolve the conflict? Whether the actions taken to resolve were

right?

If we are serious about resolving conflict/dispute, then one must accept the conflict as a

first step. We have to analyze the parties involved in the conflict, grounds of conflict,

perspective etc. No body likes conflict but generally we are helpless. You need two hands

for clapping. Thought process to resolve conflict should start from both ends if early

solution is to be reached.

We must first understand the main reasons for conflict.

i) Unmet needs and wants:

We all work for Food, Clothing and Shelter. No doubt that we also work for self

esteem. We also need appreciation, love and mental support. When ever we deal with a

person whose basic wants are not met, the probability of dispute / conflict increases.

If we are aware about such unmet wants, then we should feel free to seek the assistance

Spandane – The Last Lecture Section III – My Tips, Views & Observations

www.spandane.com

2

from others. This could help in reducing the conflict. There is no guarantee that your

near one would know about unmet wants or he/she may still ignore inspite of knowing

and hence you should take initiative to make the other party aware about the same.

(Crying baby gets milk). ☺ Such person with unmet wants is likely to be mentally

perturbed.

ii) Values:

Our values drive our behavior. Our values may differ about time, work, health,

relationship, spending habits etc.

Our teachers, parents etc. take efforts to impart good education with an object of

making us a good citizen. It is observed that our ‘Values’ under go change over the

years. Either we follow them and sharpen them or we conveniently dilute the same to

suit us. There are many issues such as Time, Money, Work ethics, Health, Relationship,

and Politics etc. on which our opinions may vary. We should be able to decide our

‘Values’ and should have courage to share with others.

iii) Perceptions:

There are always three sides to any matter/ problem. Our perception may vary to look

at the issue under consideration.

iv) Knowledge:

The information or knowledge given or not given may cause conflict. If both the

parties have similar information & knowledge, then chances of Conflict are remote. But

it rarely happens. Generally information is deliberately hidden from others to keep the

importance.

Holding information or with-holding information may take following forms such as

other person knows but you don’t know / you have hidden the information from others

/ Information available at both ends / Hidden information from every body (no point

worrying about such information).

v) Assumptions:

We make assumptions on what we know. Conflict may take place when assumptions

are not checked for accuracy or are not updated periodically. Many times we make

assumptions based on some information which leads to Conflict. Assumption means

Spandane – The Last Lecture Section III – My Tips, Views & Observations

www.spandane.com

3

conclusions drawn from our experience. But there is no guarantee that the conclusions

will be correct all the time.

vi) Expectations:

Conflict may occur when we do not know each other’s expectations. Expectations

should be made known in clear terms to each other. There is a human tendency to

make expectations from others. Whenever these expectations are not met, we get

unhappy. The main problem is that we never make our expectations clear to the other

person. Expectations should be realistic. One needs to think as to whether he would

fulfill the similar expectation from the other person.

vii) Growing up differently:

Each generation views Life and Work differently. We spend our childhood in different

circumstances such as family back ground, financial conditions, religion, caste,

changing value system in the society in general. Unless we understand these

differences, conflict is bound to happen. Every one expects that he or she should be

respected as an individual.

viii) Willing ness and Ability to deal with conflicts:

How to face the Conflict is not taught in any educational institution. One needs to

observe. Spending childhood in the atmosphere of conflict creates a pessimistic

influence on the mind. He accepts & suffers from conflict and forgets that it can be

resolved. It is necessary to learn the technique to counter the conflict.

ix) Three personalities are hidden in every individual, namely Parent, Adult and

Child. These personalities keep changing from time to time and from situation to

situation. When two persons happen to be in similar personalities say adult

while dealing then the chances of conflict are remote.

The points of agreements and disagreements should be jotted down and solution should

be thought to reduce the differences by both the aggrieved parties without involving

arbitrator.

Your attention is also drawn to My Tips –establishing & improving relationship.

Spandane – The Last Lecture Section III – My Tips, Views & Observations

www.spandane.com

4