10 tips for effective conversation _ sri chinmoy inspiration

7/27/2019 10 Tips for Effective Conversation _ Sri Chinmoy Inspiration

1/6

Subscribe to RSS

PO PULAR LATEST CO MMENTS TAGS

SEARCH

About blog

About Sri Chinm oy

Sri Chinmoy Bio

MEDITATION ARTICLES

Happiness will follow you - book inspired by this blog

Introduction to Meditation

Basic Steps for Learning Meditation

How to Control your Thoughts

Seven Steps to Inner Peace

Things I Have Learnt From medi tation

10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger

SEPTEMBER 8, 2007

How to Reduce the Ego.

OCTOBER 22, 2007

How To Gain Control of Your Own Thoughts

OCTOBER 1, 2007

Effective Ways To Get Out of a

Negative Mindset

JANUARY 4, 2013

10 Tips for Effective Conversation

byTejvan on APRIL 21, 2008 in COMMUNICATION

I wish conversations skills were taught at school. We

spend most of our life talking, and yet many people

remain in the dark on this essential life skill. There

are many suggestions for developing conversation

skills, but, the most important is a sensitivity to the

other person. We need to be able to adapt our

conversation to whoever we speak with. We need to

develop the right balance between talking and

bringing out the best in the other person. If we can

avoid being egotistical and consider the interests of others they will instinctively enjoy

talking with us. If we offer boring conversation, we will only attract boring people to speak

with.

Some Tips for Effective Conversation:

1. Avoiding Unnecessary Detail.

Suppose you are a cyclist and a non cyclist asks you about your new bike. What they are

wanting is a brief description like what colour is it? how much does it weigh? how much

did it cost? did it come with free sachets of EPO? In all probability they are not interested

in your bike at all, but, are asking out of politeness. Therefore, dont bother them with

detail they do not understand and dont care for. The 674 gram, 20 gear Shimano Dura Ace

STI groupset may be fascinating to you; but, it means nothing to the non cyclist. If you goon about the technical detail it will only bore the other person senseless. If you really feel

you have to share the latest Shimano groupset mechanism, at least, find another cyclist.

When we talk in great detail about our hobby / work / speciality we feel we are very

knowledgeable that is true, we are very knowledgeable, but, it makes for very boring

conversation. Dont show off with technical knowledge, be considerate of the other

person.

2. Communication is a 50 50 process.

One of the biggest mistakes is to dominate a conversation and not give the other person a

chance to speak. Remember the difference between a conversation and a lecture. If you

find yourself dominating 70-80% of conversations you should think very carefully about

whether you are not just boring other people. A very effective way to improve conversation

skills is to ask yourself Would I want to speak to myself? i.e. how would you feel if you

came up against another person who always wants to have the last word and dominate the

conversation? Unfortunately, those who love to dominate the conversation often seem

the least likely to engage in critical self inquiry. Avoid the monologue, unless you are very

witty or very interesting.

It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.

- Yogi Berra

Search...

Home About Sri Chinmoy
http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/seven-simple-steps-to-inner-peace/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/basic-steps-for-learning-meditation/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/happiness-will-follow-you-book/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/happiness-will-follow-you-book/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/happiness-will-follow-you-book/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/sri-chinmoyhttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/abouthttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/sri-chinmoy/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/about/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/category/communication/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/author/tejvan/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/effective-ways-to-get-out-of-a-negative-mindset/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/how-to-gain-control-of-your-own-thoughts/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/how-to-reduce-the-ego/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/10-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-anger/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/color1.jpghttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/things-i-have-learnt-from-meditation/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/seven-simple-steps-to-inner-peace/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/how-to-gain-control-of-your-own-thoughts/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/basic-steps-for-learning-meditation/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/meditation/an-introduction-to-meditation/http://feeds.feedburner.com/SriChinmoyInspirationhttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/happiness-will-follow-you-book/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/happiness-will-follow-you-book/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/sri-chinmoyhttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/sri-chinmoyhttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/abouthttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/#tab-tagshttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/#tab-commhttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/#tab-latesthttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/#tab-pophttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/feed/


2/6

10 Tips to Avoid Becoming Depressed

SEPTEMBER 18, 2007

POPULAR POSTS

How to Reduce the Ego

Effective Ways to get out of a negative Mindset

The Meaning of Love

The Unexpected Power of Gratitude

The Life Lessons We can learn from Children

The Power of Simplicity

How to Deal wi th Anger

When Silence is the best philosophy

The Zen of Success

How To Avoid Becoming A Grumpy Old Man

RECENT POSTS

Humili ty means giving joy to others

Dealing with criticism

Who do you want to be?

The importance of happiness

Benefits of writing

Effective Ways To Get Out of a Negative Mindset

How to Do the Rig ht Thing

ARCHIVES

Select Month

CATEGORIES

Select Category

3. Smile

Smiling is a simple but effective strategy to improve any conversation. This helps put the

other person at ease; it is a clear signal that you are happy to be speaking with the other

person. Smiling also helps ourselves; smiling gives us self confidence and helps put us in

the right frame of mind. I would say it is better to force a smile than remain glum and

miserable.

4. Avoid Strong Political / Religious views

To impose strong political / religious views is one of the biggest conversation killers. If it is

not necessary to state political views and religious views then avoid doing it. Also be

sensitive to the opinions of other people, if you know someone has strong opinions on

controversial topics avoid challenging them and bringing a divisive element to the

conversation; look for topics of shared interest. You are not going to change their long

cherished beliefs so at best it will be a futile gesture; at worst they will be upset and avoid

future conversations.

5. Criticise by asking questions

Take a tip from great thinkers like Benjamin Franklin and Socrates. Dont criticise directly.

Merely ask questions, which sow seeds of doubt in the mind of the other person. This is a

much more effective than directly criticising. With this method you can criticise withoutcausing any offence.

6. Speak Clearly and Slowly

With my Yorkshire accent, other people sometimes struggle to understand what I say. The

only solution is to make an effort to be clear and speak slowly. There is nothing more

frustrating than having to keep repeating yourself. Sometimes we may not be aware that

people cannot hear us. They will just make do with understanding 70% of what we say.

7. Do You Insist on Having the Last Word?

A good conversation is not about proving that you are always right; if you insist on having

the last word to every argument then it will make the conversation go on far too long. It isbest to be detached and not feel obliged to point every flaw in the other persons

argument. If you come across a divisive topic, steer the conversation onto more neutral

territory.

8. Body Language

In a conversation words only count for 50%. You also express alot through your body

language. It is important to maintain a calm and poised attitude; avoid fidgeting as this

expresses nervousness and insecurity. Maintain the right degree of openness; dont stand

too close, invading someones personal space can be very offputting. At least be sensitive

to the reactions of others. If they back off, see that as a signal to give more personal space.

9. Be wary of criticising other people.

When we criticise other people, we implicitly put pressure on the other person to agree

with our criticisms. This places the other person in an awkward position. Either they have

to agree with your criticism (something they may not want to share) or they will have to

argue and dispute. If you have to make criticism, do it in such a way that doesnt force the

other person into a corner; allow them to remain silent on the issue. Especially be careful

of criticising friends of the other person.

10. Listen To Signals

When people go on a diatribe or lengthy monologue on the failings of the Federal Reserve
http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/how-to-do-the-right-thing/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/effective-ways-to-get-out-of-a-negative-mindset/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/writing/benefits-of-writing/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/happiness/the-importance-of-happiness/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/who-do-you-want-to-be/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/dealing-with-criticism/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/humility-means-giving-joy-to-others/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/how-to-avoid-becoming-a-grumpy-old-man/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/the-zen-of-success/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/when-silence-is-the-best-philosophy/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/when-silence-is-the-best-philosophy/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/10-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-anger/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/the-power-of-simplicity/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/life-lessons-you-can-learn-from-children/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/the-unexpected-power-of-gratitude/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/how-to-distinguish-between-love-and-emotional-dependence/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/effective-ways-to-get-out-of-a-negative-mindset/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/how-to-reduce-the-egohttp://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/happiness/avoid-becoming-depressed/


3/6

Eliminating your weakness the positive way Five ways to reclaim the energy you waste every day

TweetTweet 2 Like 8

I try to give other people signals that Im bored and wish to change the conversation.

(Sometimes we are so bored / annoyed we are tempted to just walk away. ) The important

thing is that we try look out for these kind of warning signals. If the person starts shifting

from side to side, if they keep trying to get a word in, if they start banging their head

against a wall take this as a sign and let the other person speak. If we remain aloof from

the body language of other people, we just get wrapped up in our own agenda and annoy

other people.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

- Robert Benchley

Related

The Art of Listening

Other links:

Peter of Pick the Brain has renamed his personal blog to The Change Blog Peter

Explains his decision in this post on Shredding the Ego and starting afresh. I think its a

great name for his thoughtful articles on self improvement.

Talking of Pick the Brain. I have a guest post at Pick the Brain on Money and Happiness not always easy to combine the two

Helping to gain perspective in Life at My Super Charged Life offers a useful look at the

importance of perspective in life.

(BTW: If you are interested in my bike I have listed the weight of every accessory here

racing bike. I promise not to bring it up in conversation.)

Photo: Clip from the Great McGinty

Be Sociable, Share!

20 Responses to 10 Tips for Effective Conversation

Jeff@My Super-Charged LifeApril 21, 2008 at 8:29 am#

And we wonder why others wont talk to us! Nice tips. I like the suggestion on using

questions to criticize. Subtle, but effective. Thanks for the link!

Chris Cade | Spiritual Stories & ParablesApril 21, 2008 at 10:00 am#

I know this topic isnt really touched on here, but I think its relevant to note the

differences between online and offline conversation.

Often we take for granted things online such as putting smileys at the end of sentences or LOL

to communicate we found something funny. In person, Ive noticed more and more that people

tend to talk like they write, and with more and more shortcuts being used in writing online some

peoples conversations sound more Martian than human.
http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-576http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-575http://www.mysuperchargedlife.com/http://cyclinginfo.co.uk/blog/bikes/hill-climb-bike/http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/gaining-perspective-helps-to-achieve-excellence-in-life/http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-truth-about-money-and-happiness/http://www.thechangeblog.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/listening/http://twitter.com/search?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2Fhttps://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2F&text=10%20Tips%20for%20Effective%20Conversation%20-%20http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2F&tw_p=tweetbutton&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2Fhttp://delicious.com/post?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2F&title=10%20Tips%20for%20Effective%20Conversation&notes=%20I%20wish%20conversations%20skills%20were%20taught%20at%20school.%20We%20spend%20most%20of%20our%20life%20talking%2C%20and%20yet%20many%20people%20remain%20in%20the%20dark%20on%20this%20essential%20life%20skill.%20There%20are%20many%20suggestions%20for%20developing%20conversation%20skills%2C%20but%2C%20the%20most%20important%20is%20a%20sehttp://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2F&title=10%20Tips%20for%20Effective%20Conversationhttps://mail.google.com/mail/?view=cm&fs=1&to&su=10%20Tips%20for%20Effective%20Conversation&body=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.srichinmoybio.co.uk%2Fblog%2Fcommunication%2F10-tips-for-effective-conversation%2F&ui=2&tf=1&shva=1http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/productivity/five-ways-to-reclaim-the-energy-you-waste-every-day/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/self-improvement/eliminating-your-weakness-the-positive-way/


4/6

On that note, for effective communication, I recommend minimizing digital distractions. When

having lunch with somebody, put the cell phone on vibrate or silent and let it go to voicemail

(unless you really are expecting a very important call in which case inform the person in

advance).

Most of what Im saying just comes down to the fact that when we communicate, the other person

should feel that we truly care about what they are saying and how they are saying it.

Communication is one of the ways we connect to people, so if were constantly interrupting the

communication then what does that say about how much we value the connection with that

person? And how disruptive is it to the connection we are trying to build?

Tejvan PettingerApril 22, 2008 at 1:12 am#

I think it is a very good point Chris. There is a lot to be said for simplicity.

Web Design LincolnshireApril 22, 2008 at 2:00 am#

Communication is one of the most important skills that a person can have. I am more of

a listener, if you make people like they are the most important person in the world they will feel

special.

PeterApril 25, 2008 at 8:30 pm#

Tejvan,

Thanks for the links! And nice tips. I need to work on #6 speak slowly and clearly. These

Canadians often have difficulty with my Aussie accent

aussie-cowgirlApril 26, 2008 at 4:12 am#

Really interesting and quite helpful.

VahajSeptember 23, 2008 at 11:05 am#

I have find this information really useful and am sure to have fruitful results by its use.

Talk less and listen to what others say so as to sketch in mind the exact figure which inturn help

us in making our position valid without disturbence to others.

Tickled By LifeNovember 29, 2008 at 11:00 pm#

I really like this list!

For the point no. 2, i would like to add that it gets even better if it is not 50:50 but 30:70 or 20:80,

in the other persons favour of course

catchyDecember 31, 2008 at 1:34 pm#

When Somebody is talking non-stop, especially the things that he talked about already

or the things you already know, How to put breaks to such conversation. It is very annoying, but I

need some tips or words or sentences that could stop him and take over the conversation to our

side
http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1229http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1156http://tickledbylife.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-987http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-588http://www.aussie-cowgirl.stumbleupon.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-587http://www.pickthebrain.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-579http://www.atmmultimedia.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-578http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog


5/6

Leave a Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

Email Etiquette and Other email tips. | Net Writing - May 1, 2008

[...] Tips for effective communication at my self improvement blog Share and Enjoy: These icons link to

social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]Best of April and World Harmony Run Sri Chinmoy Inspiration - May 14, 2008

[...] T ips for Effective Communication How to improve relationships through effective communication.

[...]

How to have more social success News / Updates / Blog Social Skills Carnival # 10 - July 18, 2008

[...] Tejvan Pettinger presents 10 Tips for Effective Conversation. [...]

Clear Conversation 10 Key Steps How to Have It Journey to Mastery Communication - September

20, 2009

[...] reading all kind of web pages, I found this site and this site to be the most helpful ones. From those

two sites, Im making my own list that [...]

anuMarch 26, 2009 at 1:02 am#

these tips are very interesting and very helpful.

Bonaventure OgbuJune 2, 2009 at 4:48 pm#

This is an interesting topic and let me say here that its more interesting when there are

parties who understands themselves well i a conversation.

This will not give room for biased dissemination of information.

nasty vinitSeptember 29, 2009 at 5:55 am#

i hope they help me coz i seriously need some!

Lingalavenkata KeshavamurthyOctober 24, 2009 at 6:46 pm#

Wonderful help for a person like me. I am more peaceful now, and am happy to makeprogress, that looked impossible to be made. Thank you sir, for this great information, that too, in

simple, understandable ways.

martha babiryeMarch 23, 2012 at 11:52 pm#

smile can hide the agony,better smile then

Leslee SpaethJuly 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm#

I didnt uncover outanything about it specific within the past.

Timmy GutierrezJuly 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm#

Take care for helping all of us!
http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-10479http://www.bargainhopping.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-10456http://www.selfmadesocialnet.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-10013http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1866http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1836http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1573http://www.yoursmallbusinessmentor.com/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/communication/10-tips-for-effective-conversation/comment-page-1/#comment-1460http://clearcommunication.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/clear-conversation-10-key-steps-how-to-have-it/http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/recommended/best-of-april-and-world-harmony-run/http://www.netwriting.co.uk/2008/05/01/email-etiquette-and-other-email-tips/


6/6

2013 Sri Chinmoy Inspiration. All Rights Reserved. Powered byWordPress. Designed by

Name (required)

Email (w ill not be published) ( required)

Website

eight 3 =

Submit Comment
http://www.woothemes.com/http://wordpress.org/

10 tips for effective conversation _ sri chinmoy inspiration

Documents